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Commander Keenan
Dec 5, 2012

Not Boba Fett


Random Stranger posted:

Someone else occurred to me. Meet Robin Morningstar. A "filmmaker", to use the word very loosely, who has created some terrible movies including cheaply made animated movies. Somehow he got in touch with Uwe Boll and acquired rights to make movies based on video games that are worse than Boll's films.

Oh my god this guy added me on Facebook years ago to talk about acquiring the rights to make a Crusader: No Remorse movie. What the gently caress.

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Random Stranger
Nov 27, 2009




Commander Keenan posted:

Oh my god this guy added me on Facebook years ago to talk about acquiring the rights to make a Crusader: No Remorse movie. What the gently caress.

I'm one of the few people on earth that own a copy of one of his movies and it was spectacularly awful. We're talking sub-Ed Wood level. Now I'm disappointed he didn't get to make that movie.

I still desperately want to see his Chakan: The Forever Man movie...

Commander Keenan
Dec 5, 2012

Not Boba Fett


Random Stranger posted:

I'm one of the few people on earth that own a copy of one of his movies and it was spectacularly awful. We're talking sub-Ed Wood level. Now I'm disappointed he didn't get to make that movie.

I still desperately want to see his Chakan: The Forever Man movie...

Read the plot summary for it and wanted him to live in a state of immortal purgatory as a result.

Postal Parcel
Aug 2, 2013


So, I realize this thread is pretty much dead, but I found a gold example of this phenomenon

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nash_Grier

Either he wrote it himself or there are some crazy loving fans writing it for him
E: For a sample:

quote:

He is the second oldest child with an older brother Will Grier who is a quarterback for the Florida Gators, a younger brother Hayes who also posts vines and a younger half-sister Skylynn which his mother had with her current husband John Floyd and is very popular in Nash’s vines.[4]
Shortly after Grier's rise to internet fame, he joined MAGCON (Meet and Greet Convention) with a bunch of other viners including Cameron Dallas who he met over the social media app and quickly became best friends, Matthew Espinosa, Jack Gilinsky, Jack Johnson, Aaron Carpenter, Taylor Caniff, Shawn Mendes, Jacob Whitesides, Carter Reynolds, Mahogany Lox and his brother Hayes Grier. Magcon was a convention where fans of these Vine stars could show up meet them and enjoy some entertainment.

Postal Parcel has a new favorite as of 00:13 on Aug 30, 2015

Wheat Loaf
Feb 13, 2012

by FactsAreUseless


I feel as though Kerry Conran, who wrote and directed Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow, must have written his own Wikipedia page, because that seems to be where his filmography begins and ends.

Mildly Amusing
May 2, 2012

room temperature


A less "cringe worthy" example of this: Mario Duplantier, drummer for metal band Gojira.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mario_Duplantier

That page posted:

Unconsciously, Mario creates random surrealistic paintings made of hybrid characters and animals that tell stories. He also likes Hot Pockets.

ihatechesspieces
Jan 2, 2013



https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sound_Tribe_Sector_9

"Since forming in Atlanta, GA over fifteen years ago, instrumental electronic rock band STS9 has experienced an unceasing meteoric rise to the forefront of the international music scene."

Uh huh, yeah, very objective there.

Captain Monkey
Aug 23, 2007



They had Ronald Jenkees do a collab with them. They're huge!!!

AA is for Quitters
Aug 6, 2009

Hold the newsreader's nose squarely, waiter, or friendly milk will countermand my trousers.

To be fair, I don't know anyone into EDM that doesn't know STS9 and that Ronald jenkees collab is face melting awesome.

For content:

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Casper_Van_Dien

quote:


While in the Florida prep school, VanDien was often referred to as "Ken doll" due to his good looks, and got into many fights for that reason.Even some writers later described him as a "perfect life-sized Ken doll."

Captain Monkey
Aug 23, 2007



AA is for Quitters posted:

To be fair, I don't know anyone into EDM that doesn't know STS9 and that Ronald jenkees collab is face melting awesome.

For content:

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Casper_Van_Dien

Not denying that, I mean I'm enough into it to have made the reference. It's just that it's sort of a small niche yanno?

om nom nom
Jul 22, 2011

om nom nom nom nom nom nom

Grimey Drawer

Aaron Lewis of Staind either wrote his or a fanboy did. Either way it makes him out to be a musical god and has a cadence as if a middle schooler wrote the article

quote:

He's often called one of the most versatile artists of modern times,[citation needed] since he's played such a big variety of song types, from metal to traditional country.

He won't comment much on his childhood, but says he had low self-esteem back then (not necessarily now) and that he was often depressed 

GWBBQ
Jan 2, 2005




ihatechesspieces posted:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sound_Tribe_Sector_9

"Since forming in Atlanta, GA over fifteen years ago, instrumental electronic rock band STS9 has experienced an unceasing meteoric rise to the forefront of the international music scene."

Uh huh, yeah, very objective there.
Wikipedia is mostly good, but articles on bands and music are almost universally terrible.

Depressio111117
Oct 18, 2014

A whole world of imagination beyond the oompah band.

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1539884/

Worked with this guy, too. He's also super nice. Did not miss a single opportunity to bring up his acting credits, though.

yeah actually they will
Aug 18, 2012


yeah actually they will
Aug 18, 2012


yeah actually they will
Aug 18, 2012


Zamboni Rodeo
Jul 19, 2007

NEVER play "Lady of Spain" AGAIN!






Depressio111117 posted:

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1539884/

Worked with this guy, too. He's also super nice. Did not miss a single opportunity to bring up his acting credits, though.


IMDB posted:

His childhood was a whirlwind of contradictory emotions and bewilderment ... Intelligent and inspired ... He could play basketball from 9 in the morning until 10 at night without food or a break ...

Created his own acting methodology, which he calls "Exiphen" which emphasizes the use of imagination built on a foundation of intense research and a deep Existential - Phenomenological understanding of human motivations and interpersonal dynamics.

Gahhh, there's no eyeroll big enough.

IMDB posted:

In his free time Jason volunteers for Art of Elysium, bringing storytelling and acting to children facing serious illnesses. Also, he is a passionate youth sports volunteer for local basketball leagues.

But I can't bring myself to hate him.

yeah actually they will
Aug 18, 2012


Anil Dikshit
Apr 11, 2007


Stop editing Wikipedia articles yourself goddamn.

yeah actually they will
Aug 18, 2012


kizudarake posted:

Stop editing Wikipedia articles yourself goddamn.

I haven't edited a single wikipedia page that I've posted here pal

doodlebugs
Feb 18, 2015

by Lowtax


This guy probably didn't.

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6687980/bio?ref_=nm_ov_bio_sm

Pastry of the Year
Apr 12, 2013



The "Biographies about the group" subsection of the Wikipedia article about 2 Live Crew has that feel to it:

quote:

The Book of Luke by Luther Campbell

The Book of Luke was published by Amistad, and is about his life growing up in some of the poorest areas in Miami to become a successful entrepreneur in the music industry. His life is also a reflection of modern America, since his tale touches on the most pressing issues of our time.

My Rise 2 Fame by Fresh Kid Ice

My Rise 2 Fame was also released in 2015 and was published by the Iconic Three Media Group. The memoirs is co-written by Jacob Katel. The books features his stories of his sex, lies, the music business, making gold and multi-platinum albums, a legendary lawsuit from Florida’s governor who tried to ban the group and take away their first amendment right to free speech, his early life, and his currently life with his family. It’s a historic ride through one of the world’s favorite cult genres: “Miami Bass”.

This led me to the article for Fresh Kid Ice, and yeah, the Great Man Theory is alive and well in the hearts of mostly-forgotten rappers:

quote:

The Chinaman

The Chinaman was the first solo album by Fresh Kid Ice. It was released in 1992 by Effect Records, a division of Luke Records. Singles that were released to promote the album were Dick 'Em Down, I'll be there, and Freak 'Em Down (the clean version of Dick 'Em Down which wasn't featured in the album). Freak 'Em Down was turned into a video clip. The album is noted for being the first Hip Hop album embracing having an Asian Heritage. With songs like "Long Dick Chinese", he inverted stereotypes into prideful declarations of self-identity, he showed there was a way for Asians to exist in hip-hop.

Chinaman Records

Founded by Fresh Kid Ice in 1998, Chinaman Records, LLC is multi-media entertainment company, with a broad service of DJs, artists, producers, promoters , videographers; music publishing; merchandising.[10]

Still Nasty

Still Nasty was released in 2000 under his own label Chinaman Records. The main single for this album was a song named "I Wanna Dance Yall'". The song was made into a video clip, and due to its explicit content it could only be played exclusively on "BET Uncut". It became one of the shows favorite and was noted for being one of the video that helped launched the show.

speshl guy
Dec 11, 2012


Came here from Schadenfreude thread and requesting that guy who's IMDB picture is him holding a revolutionary war era pistol, more than half of his credits are listed as "Uncredited", his trivia section mentions how his school play received a lot of "local attention" and he wrote a by-the-numbers fantasy novel that was 100 pages long, the first 20 of which were obscure thank you notes to his friends.

TIA

china bot
Sep 7, 2014

you listen HERE pal
SAY GOODBYE TO TELEPHONE SEX


Plaster Town Cop

A friend of a friend posted on Facebook that IMDb finally included her proper star sign, so I had to investigate further:

April Washko posted:

Beauty. Brains. Talent. And that indescribable "it" factor. April Washko brings all of that, and so much more. With experience and wisdom beyond her years, she has a way of reaching deep into a character, making it part of her; and that unique ability has quickly made her a very in-demand actress both in her native Midwest and around the United States.

Whether it's drama, action or comedy, April's versatility and attitude make her a dream to work with for any director. She has starred in films such as Elmwood, The Rivers Forever, Oblivion, and Pink Lines; and in the action-adventure web series Caught from Iron Core Media. She has had the pleasure of working with and learning from talented performers including Megan Mullally, Drew Barrymore, & Richard Lewis. With influences ranging from Old Hollywood to the modern stage and screen, April brings unmatched professionalism, realism, and full commitment to every role she takes on.

In addition to her acting work, April is an active producer as well, and she is regularly consulted by other producers for her expertise behind the camera. Always willing to help fellow artists, April also enjoys instructing other actors and producers about the power of networking and social media to strengthen their careers.

A classic beauty, a powerful actress, a skilled producer... Many things can describe April Washko, but for this star-in-the-making, her talent goes beyond words.

with bonus trivia:

April Washko posted:

Speaks fluent English.

Lost her best friend, Kyle Linford (aspiring director) to suicide on April 6th, 2011.

Absolute favorite show growing up was 'Buffy, the Vampire Slayer'.

Was almost kidnapped twice as a child. Once when she was 3 in a K-Mart with her Mom (the child leash things people make fun of saved her), & another time when she was 10 riding her bike around her neighborhood.

When April was 21, she discovered that she is clairaudient, clairsentient and claircognizant.

Lost close friend Jared A.D. Radtke (aspiring director, screenwriter) to suicide on May 1st, 2012.

I. M. Gei
Jun 26, 2005

Just remember, it's not a lie if you believe it.


china bot posted:

A friend of a friend posted on Facebook that IMDb finally included her proper star sign, so I had to investigate further:


with bonus trivia:

If I had to be around someone like that, I'd kill myself too.

Max Damage
Jan 8, 2005


speshl guy posted:

Came here from Schadenfreude thread and requesting that guy who's IMDB picture is him holding a revolutionary war era pistol, more than half of his credits are listed as "Uncredited", his trivia section mentions how his school play received a lot of "local attention" and he wrote a by-the-numbers fantasy novel that was 100 pages long, the first 20 of which were obscure thank you notes to his friends.

TIA

Here you go. He changed the front page picture though.
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm3324902/

As a bonus, the link to his "book"
http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/22630778-the-boy-and-the-peddler-of-death
http://www.amazon.com/Tale-Onora-Boy-Peddler-Death-ebook/dp/B00JJI4GFE

Aesop Poprock
Oct 21, 2008




Grimey Drawer

china bot posted:

A friend of a friend posted on Facebook that IMDb finally included her proper star sign, so I had to investigate further:


with bonus trivia:

quote:

When April was 21, she discovered that she is clairaudient, clairsentient and claircognizant.

What

Tiberius Thyben
Feb 7, 2013

Gone Phishing




It seems pretty clair to me.

sweeperbravo
May 18, 2012

AUNT GWEN'S COLD SHAPE (!)


More like clair-de-la-loon

veni veni veni
Jun 5, 2005

Clunk! Clunk Clunk!



china bot posted:

A friend of a friend posted on Facebook that IMDb finally included her proper star sign, so I had to investigate further:


with bonus trivia:

This is fantastic.

canyoneer
Sep 13, 2005


I only have canyoneyes for you


http://www.imdb.com/name/nm2443381/bio?ref_=nm_ov_bio_sm

quote:

Overview (1)
Height 5' 7" (1.7 m)
Mini Bio (1)
Hailing from Tucson, Arizona Devin Marble has been acting since he was 16. Now, approaching a decade in Los Angeles, Marble is an actor, host, and co-founding producer of O3 Productions LLC. Over the years he has worked for major TV networks such as MTV, FOX, Lifetime, Syfy, and NBC. Since 2010 Marble has been earning a living hosting hit TV shows on the Syfy channel.
- IMDb Mini Biography By: Devin

Personal Quotes (1)
By the sweat of your brow, you shall earn your keep.

I like that he didn't even create a sockpuppet to write his own bio.

SplitSoul
Dec 31, 2000



china bot posted:

A friend of a friend posted on Facebook that IMDb finally included her proper star sign, so I had to investigate further:


with bonus trivia:

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=April+Washko&defid=5974685

(emphasis hers)

quote:

april washko

possibly the finest actress in existance. hott, classy, & drat good.

why people dont know more about her is beyond me

Me: have you heard about april washko?
guy2: hell yeah... april washko... one hot mama


in a sentance:

"they totally need to put an april washko in this movie ryte hurr"

april washko like that scarlett chick from that old west movie

quote:

April Washko

April Washko is a tenacious actress who is best known for two outstanding qualities: her charisma and her dignity.

She is a stunning woman who not only looks the part, but brings joy laughter and great times to everyone she comes in contact with and will try her all to make those connections meaningful in the long run. On the other side of this gleaming coin she an actress who stands for class; a woman who doesn't bend her morals or personal character for gain but rather fights for them and, more importantly, the dignity of others.

After all is said we find ourselves gazing upon an actress that reignites our nostalgia for the glory days of film and America in the 50's asking just one question, "Will I ever be lucky enough to find more like her?" Truth be told, though, there's no one quite like April Washko.

1.)That person is like an April Washko.

2.)Henry pulled a Washko so, naturally, they thought he was a billionaire.

3.)What a Washko that woman is.

4.)That scene you performed was a total Washko; every line was executed perfectly!

SplitSoul has a new favorite as of 10:44 on Apr 29, 2016

sweeperbravo
May 18, 2012

AUNT GWEN'S COLD SHAPE (!)


splitsoul you edited it out of your post but seriously lol at the IMDB birth year

SplitSoul
Dec 31, 2000



sweeperbravo posted:

splitsoul you edited it out of your post but seriously lol at the IMDB birth year

No, I made that post in the Quotes thread.

Aesop Poprock
Oct 21, 2008




Grimey Drawer

Lol this chick is the best

veni veni veni
Jun 5, 2005

Clunk! Clunk Clunk!



Speaks fluent English

God Over Djinn
Jan 17, 2005

onwards and upwards


I always thought this was kinda :

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chris_Burke_(actor)

quote:

Burke's first acting performance was in a production of "The Emperor's New Clothes" at the Cardinal Cushing School. His dramatic reading of "Milk - Milk - Lemonade, 'Round the Corner, Fudge is Made", while not being the number he was asked to perform (or previously rehearsed) - or having anything to do with "The Emperor's New Clothes", for that matter - made quite an impression on the audience as well as big shot Hollywood producer Robert Evans who happened to be in the theatre at the time. This role inspired him to participate in a talent show after he transferred to Don Guanella, in which he acted as a zombie in a reenactment of Michael Jackson's "Thriller" video. He continued to hone his talent by attending night classes, going to auditions, writing scripts, and voraciously reading books about his favorite actors.[3]

Mad Doctor Cthulhu
Mar 3, 2008

PH.D IN DARKNESS, M.A. IN MADNESS, B.A. IN TERROR (with a minor in Women's Studies)

God Over Djinn posted:

I always thought this was kinda :

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chris_Burke_(actor)

This has to be a joke edit. On the other hand, this is what happens when you fail to proofread or think people won't take it another way:

quote:

Since Life Goes On, Burke has made appearances on numerous TV shows and movies, most notably co-starring with JoBeth Williams in the NBC Movie of the Week Jonathan: The Boy Nobody Wanted.

Ouch.

sweeperbravo
May 18, 2012

AUNT GWEN'S COLD SHAPE (!)


SplitSoul posted:

No, I made that post in the Quotes thread.

That really threw me, I was barely awake and went directly from that thread to this one and didn't notice. Welp

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Manos99
Mar 17, 2009


Bryn Hammond was previously the editor of a UK horror movie magazine called GOREZONE (not to be confused with the US magazine with the same name) and directed an absolutely unwatchable horror movie called THE SUMMER OF THE MASSACRE. Despite him being the editor of a magazine, the film features a few title cards that are.. uh.. subnormal.



That's in the final film. Anyway, he also has a ludicrous IMDB page:

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm2505251/bio

It starts with a ridiculous and overblown bio, but that's pretty much par for the course when it comes to microbudget directors.

quote:

Bryn Hammond began shooting super 8 films at the age of 13, after deciding he wanted to be a producer/director. He worked in film/TV,Radio/Modelling/Acting and theater production in England for many years. By the age of 16 Bryn eventually left school to write scripts full time. In 2005, Bryn filmed "The Summer of the massacre" on a shoestring budget, with private equity he and his producers Mark Bennett raised from friends and family. The film was the subject of a bidding war at the 2002, eventually going direct to DVD due to distribution problems. "tsotm" went on to not only be a cult hit for its DVD label, but has garned critical acclaim from magazine and websites and fans around the world, and such filmmakers as George Romero and Tobe Hooper. Bryn used the "TSOTM"'s success to launch a slew of projects, including "Night Shift," a horror awaiting release. In Jan of 2007, Bryn joined forces with the producers behind Meat Market III to remake The Summer of the massacre starring a host of up and coming British talent. The remake is said to be intense, scary, and will hit cinemas later this year. Simon Rob, James Whittington and Garry Charles updated the 2005 script for the USA.

But the gold arrives in my favorite part of any IMDB profile: PERSONAL QUOTES!

quote:

A career is wonderful, but you can't curl up with it on a cold night. I'm pretty lonely now i have lost my soul mate.

I am invariably late for most appointments - sometimes as much as two hours. I've tried to change my ways but i'm time handicap!

I am involved in a freedom ride protesting the loss of the minority rights belonging to the few remaining good souls. All i demanded was my right to twinkle. Sadly my star has lost its shine and i'm left lonely.

I am not interested in money. I just want to be loved. I have only ever wanted a family that i could shelter with but love dies as fast as a burning candle with no oxygen.

The opposite of revenge is forgiveness, no matter how much you have suffered as a result of your ex's behavior do not be fooled into believing that you are justified in seeking revenge, its not your responsibility to dole out punishment.

It's better to be unhappy alone than unhappy with someone who is about to break your heart, I can't take broken hearts.

The nicest thing for me is sleep, then at least i can dream. Sadly i struggle with sleep!

If you can make a boy laugh - you can make him do anything...

I've got a designer watch, but never been on time.

I'm not into one-night stands. I've only slept with two guys and one girl in my life and they all involve relationships!

Absolute twaddle, and it goes on like that. This guy EDITED A MAGAZINE.

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