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Burt Sexual
Jan 26, 2006

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS


Switchblade Switcharoo

Blue Train posted:

oh well in that case shes got some bangin titties

She looks 16

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LingcodKilla
Dec 28, 2002

I ate too much crab and transformed into this.


That's just her youthful doughy complexion.

BrigadierSensible
Feb 16, 2012

Don't get my name wrong,
If you want to touch me there.

How exactly does one minister to a catholic?

Duggar: Have you accepted the Lord Jesus Christ as your saviour?
Catholic dude: Well yes I have. I am actually a pretty devout member of a church.
Duggar: That's Ace! What church?
Catholic: That one down the street.
Duggar: The catholic one? Oh no no no. You sir are no christian. Please let me tell you how you are doing Christianity wrong, and will go to hell unless you do it the way I tell you.

I can't see any catholics being receptive.

The Bible
May 8, 2010



BrigadierSensible posted:

How exactly does one minister to a catholic?

Duggar: Have you accepted the Lord Jesus Christ as your saviour?
Catholic dude: Well yes I have. I am actually a pretty devout member of a church.
Duggar: That's Ace! What church?
Catholic: That one down the street.
Duggar: The catholic one? Oh no no no. You sir are no christian. Please let me tell you how you are doing Christianity wrong, and will go to hell unless you do it the way I tell you.

I can't see any catholics being receptive.

This is essentially how ministering to any religion goes.

"Your god is fake. Only mine is real. What do you mean 'Prove it'?"

UnfortunateSexFart
May 18, 2008

𒃻 𒌓𒁉𒋫 𒆷𒁀𒅅𒆷
𒆠𒂖 𒌉 𒌫 𒁮𒈠𒈾𒅗 𒂉 𒉡𒌒𒂉𒊑




The Bible posted:

This is essentially how ministering to any religion goes.

"Your god is fake. Only mine is real. What do you mean 'Prove it'?"

I thought it was more like "We have the same religion but you guys acknowledge this silly pope because you didn't have a King that wanted to divorce his wife and the pope wouldn't let him so he said 'gently caress the pope, officially' and therefore clearly protestantism is the one true religion."

Pvt.Scott
Feb 16, 2007


Reverse Centaur posted:

I thought it was more like "We have the same religion but you guys acknowledge this silly pope because you didn't have a King that wanted to divorce his wife and the pope wouldn't let him so he said 'gently caress the pope, officially' and therefore clearly protestantism is the one true religion."

You're thinking of the church of England. Jew-hunter Supreme, Martin Luther, is responsible for the protestations (which he nailed to a Cathedral door) which spawned Protestantism, which is both a particular sect and the umbrella term for denominations spawned from it. For instance Southern Baptists are part of the larger Baptist movement which is under Protestantism. The other two main branches of Christianity are Catholicism and Eastern Orthodoxy. That's my rough picture at least

thrawn527
Mar 27, 2004

Thrawn/Pellaeon
Studying the art of terrorists
To keep you safe

BrigadierSensible posted:

How exactly does one minister to a catholic?

Duggar: Have you accepted the Lord Jesus Christ as your saviour?
Catholic dude: Well yes I have. I am actually a pretty devout member of a church.
Duggar: That's Ace! What church?
Catholic: That one down the street.
Duggar: The catholic one? Oh no no no. You sir are no christian. Please let me tell you how you are doing Christianity wrong, and will go to hell unless you do it the way I tell you.

I can't see any catholics being receptive.

It goes something like, "In order to truly be SAVED you have to be born again, choosing to be baptized instead of whatever your kooky church did when you were a baby. The only way to enter into the Kingdom of Heaven to be with our all loving God is to do exactly what I say, otherwise that benevolent God will let you burn in the fires of eternal damnation.

Also, you guys worship the Saints, and that's polytheism and wrong."

Something like that. Some words may be a little different.

The Bible
May 8, 2010



thrawn527 posted:

It goes something like, "In order to truly be SAVED you have to be born again, choosing to be baptized instead of whatever your kooky church did when you were a baby. The only way to enter into the Kingdom of Heaven to be with our all loving God is to do exactly what I say, otherwise that benevolent God will let you burn in the fires of eternal damnation.

Also, you guys worship the Saints, and that's polytheism and wrong."

Something like that. Some words may be a little different.

Another favorite is to point out the many, many idols adorning Catholic churches in direct violation of the 2nd Commandment.

After which you go along and sin freely, pausing occasionally to ask forgiveness.

XMNN
Apr 26, 2008



the new testament is pretty down on public prayer and jesus would not be happy with evangelicals baptists pentecostals etc and their super showy if slightly less ritualistic services

Pvt.Scott
Feb 16, 2007


Baptism was symbolic anyway. Getting dunked in a filthy river by a guy who ate locusts wasn't a supernatural act. It was a sign to other believers that you had joined the team. I am now being burned at the stake.

Top City Homo
Oct 15, 2014



Ramrod XTreme

JIM BOB

Bobbie Wickham
Apr 13, 2008

by Smythe


Pvt.Scott posted:

You're thinking of the church of England. Jew-hunter Supreme, Martin Luther, is responsible for the protestations (which he nailed to a Cathedral door) which spawned Protestantism, which is both a particular sect and the umbrella term for denominations spawned from it. For instance Southern Baptists are part of the larger Baptist movement which is under Protestantism. The other two main branches of Christianity are Catholicism and Eastern Orthodoxy. That's my rough picture at least

Don't forget the Coptics of Africa and the Middle East! They're the oldest Christian church in the world, and the group of Christians most often persecuted. Real persecution, like kidnappings, forced marriages, and murders, not having someone say "Happy Holidays" in the food court instead of "Merry Christmas," but good luck convincing the Duggar crowd to worry about brown people.

Say Nothing
Mar 4, 2013

by FactsAreUseless


Pvt.Scott
Feb 16, 2007


Bobbie Wickham posted:

Don't forget the Coptics of Africa and the Middle East! They're the oldest Christian church in the world, and the group of Christians most often persecuted. Real persecution, like kidnappings, forced marriages, and murders, not having someone say "Happy Holidays" in the food court instead of "Merry Christmas," but good luck convincing the Duggar crowd to worry about brown people.

That's why 95% of Christians don't know they exist, the persecution is effective. The other 5% mostly don't bother too try to stir the others to action because the moment something becomes inconvenient and possibly dangerous, they will find out most of those they know are not actually possessed of a Christ-like spirit, thus are currently hell-bound.

E: I'm talking about Americans here.

CAPT. Rainbowbeard
Apr 5, 2012
My incredible shitposting will not transform the xbone into a good console


Lipstick Apathy

Don't forget the Catholic praying to saints and then Virgin Mary for intercession with God, which was originally, depending on how jaded you look at things, a way to get pagans and Goddess worshippers technically on board with Christ.

I can't speak to Orthodoxy, but I'm pretty sure it's similar to Catholicism in many ways except for no Pope. They have an Archbishop of some kind or something. (Which is what the Pope is, also the literal mouthpiece of God on Earth? The same way that the Eucharist is literally the Body and Blood of Christ. It... is and it isn't. At the same time. )

Another big difference between Catholics and Protestants is the Works v. Grace argument. Is that many Protestants, especially Evangelicals, do not believe that anything other than God's grace is required to be saved. This is how they justify being both saved, and dickish (un-Christ-like) as they do not believe that God's Grace makes you want to be cool with or help people. Catholics would posit that being infused with the Holy Spirit would make one perform acts of kindness and charity, and that performing these acts also infuses one with the Holy Spirit.

I might not have explained that properly.

Anyway, jIm bOb.

cumshitter
Sep 27, 2005

hey hey hey hey

shit cum every day

visit https://cumshitter.com for free financial advice




Enlarging Jim Bob's smile makes him look like Annoying Orange.

Code Jockey
Jan 24, 2006

you can call
but I seldom answer after all





cumshitter posted:

Enlarging Jim Bob's smile makes him look like Annoying Orange.

as does his skin tone

Top City Homo
Oct 15, 2014



Ramrod XTreme

CAPT. Rainbowbeard posted:

Don't forget the Catholic praying to saints and then Virgin Mary for intercession with God, which was originally, depending on how jaded you look at things, a way to get pagans and Goddess worshippers technically on board with Christ.

I can't speak to Orthodoxy, but I'm pretty sure it's similar to Catholicism in many ways except for no Pope. They have an Archbishop of some kind or something. (Which is what the Pope is, also the literal mouthpiece of God on Earth? The same way that the Eucharist is literally the Body and Blood of Christ. It... is and it isn't. At the same time. )

Another big difference between Catholics and Protestants is the Works v. Grace argument. Is that many Protestants, especially Evangelicals, do not believe that anything other than God's grace is required to be saved. This is how they justify being both saved, and dickish (un-Christ-like) as they do not believe that God's Grace makes you want to be cool with or help people. Catholics would posit that being infused with the Holy Spirit would make one perform acts of kindness and charity, and that performing these acts also infuses one with the Holy Spirit.

I might not have explained that properly.

Anyway, jIm bOb.

the works vs grace argument is retarded because the idea of grace is retarded and anyone who believes that being a dick is sanctioned by their god is a moron who does not deserve JIM BOB JIM BOB JIM BOB

Pvt.Scott
Feb 16, 2007


Top City Homo posted:

the works vs grace argument is retarded because the idea of grace is retarded and anyone who believes that being a dick is sanctioned by their god is a moron who does not deserve JIM BOB JIM BOB JIM BOB

Right? Even for realsies Satanists know not to be dicks. Arguably, their god Lucifer, the most gifted, powerful and beautiful being in creation, is still suffering from God being a dick with his punishments back in the day. Does grace not extend to angels? If not, that's kinda hosed up, G*d.

CAPT. Rainbowbeard
Apr 5, 2012
My incredible shitposting will not transform the xbone into a good console


Lipstick Apathy

Top City Homo posted:

the works vs grace argument is retarded because the idea of grace is retarded and anyone who believes that being a dick is sanctioned by their god is a moron who does not deserve JIM BOB JIM BOB JIM BOB

Yes, exactly.

JOm BIb.

Buttcoin purse
Apr 24, 2014




GIANT OUIJA BOARD
Aug 22, 2011

177 Years of Your Dick
All
Night
Non
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Bobbie Wickham
Apr 13, 2008

by Smythe


Pvt.Scott posted:

That's why 95% of Christians don't know they exist, the persecution is effective. The other 5% mostly don't bother too try to stir the others to action because the moment something becomes inconvenient and possibly dangerous, they will find out most of those they know are not actually possessed of a Christ-like spirit, thus are currently hell-bound.

E: I'm talking about Americans here.


Yeah, I figured you meant American Christians--half of them probably aren't even aware there's an Eastern Orthodox Church, let alone the Coptic Church. It always struck me as weird that so people so vocal about their religion know nothing about it--like, how can you have no curiosity about something you claim is a vital part of your identity? (I mean, I get it--people are lazy, and learning about stuff means learning and digesting complicated, sometimes contradictory histories, people, and concepts, and people don't like challenging their own faith/identity and so on--but still.)


CAPT. Rainbowbeard posted:

Don't forget the Catholic praying to saints and then Virgin Mary for intercession with God, which was originally, depending on how jaded you look at things, a way to get pagans and Goddess worshippers technically on board with Christ.

I can't speak to Orthodoxy, but I'm pretty sure it's similar to Catholicism in many ways except for no Pope. They have an Archbishop of some kind or something. (Which is what the Pope is, also the literal mouthpiece of God on Earth? The same way that the Eucharist is literally the Body and Blood of Christ. It... is and it isn't. At the same time. )


The Eastern Orthodox Church's analogue to the Pope is the Patriarch of Constantinople, but he doesn't have the same authority as the Pope. He's mostly a ceremonial/honorary leader of the Eastern Orthodox Church and sets the tone, but the other EOC's aren't actually under his authority. Fun fact! Before the Schism that finally split the Eastern and Roman churches, the Pope and Patriarch were co-heads of the Church. Naturally, there were a lot of disagreements, and various popes and patriarchs feuded and sometimes excommunicated each other, so starting in 1054, the churches split along an east-west (Greek-Roman) line.

Facebook Aunt
Oct 4, 2008

a cat




Bobbie Wickham posted:

Yeah, I figured you meant American Christians--half of them probably aren't even aware there's an Eastern Orthodox Church, let alone the Coptic Church. It always struck me as weird that so people so vocal about their religion know nothing about it--like, how can you have no curiosity about something you claim is a vital part of your identity? (I mean, I get it--people are lazy, and learning about stuff means learning and digesting complicated, sometimes contradictory histories, people, and concepts, and people don't like challenging their own faith/identity and so on--but still.)

Why would they want to learn about versions of 'christianity' that are even more wrong than those godless presbyterians down the street?

LethalGeek
Nov 4, 2009



hahahaha brilliant

Mad Doctor Cthulhu
Mar 3, 2008

PH.D IN DARKNESS, M.A. IN MADNESS, B.A. IN TERROR (with a minor in Women's Studies)

Bobbie Wickham posted:

Yeah, I figured you meant American Christians--half of them probably aren't even aware there's an Eastern Orthodox Church, let alone the Coptic Church. It always struck me as weird that so people so vocal about their religion know nothing about it--like, how can you have no curiosity about something you claim is a vital part of your identity? (I mean, I get it--people are lazy, and learning about stuff means learning and digesting complicated, sometimes contradictory histories, people, and concepts, and people don't like challenging their own faith/identity and so on--but still.)

Probably because it's a lazy default that people only get into when they get into serious poo poo and/or want to evade responsibility. Doesn't help that Christmas gives the illusion of Christianity when most Americans simply don't give a poo poo and practice a capitalist/Yule version of it anyway. American Christianity is just a way for ignorant people to feel superior and pressure everybody into giving that ignorance space.

Sorry, had to go off there.


quote:

The Eastern Orthodox Church's analogue to the Pope is the Patriarch of Constantinople, but he doesn't have the same authority as the Pope. He's mostly a ceremonial/honorary leader of the Eastern Orthodox Church and sets the tone, but the other EOC's aren't actually under his authority. Fun fact! Before the Schism that finally split the Eastern and Roman churches, the Pope and Patriarch were co-heads of the Church. Naturally, there were a lot of disagreements, and various popes and patriarchs feuded and sometimes excommunicated each other, so starting in 1054, the churches split along an east-west (Greek-Roman) line.

That's pretty awesome, actually. I had no idea the church had two heads before.

happyhippy
Feb 21, 2005

Playing games, watching movies, owning goons. 'sup


Pillbug

On the first day of Dugmas
my true love sent to me:
A Joshua hiding in the girls room.

Bobbie Wickham
Apr 13, 2008

by Smythe


Mad Doctor Cthulhu posted:

That's pretty awesome, actually. I had no idea the church had two heads before.

Neither did I, until I took a class on the history of the Byzantine Empire. Appropriately enough, two heads of the church was the result of having two heads of the Roman Empire (and two Caesars to succeed the two emperors, divvying up the Roman Empire into four districts), which didn't work for very long. Constantine I eventually conquered all of the empire for himself, established a second capitol in Byzantium, and renamed the city Constantinople. When everything in the western half of the empire went to hell, the eastern half kept chugging along as the Roman Empire. The church used the same two-capitols/two-leaders approach as the Tetrarchy, which yielded the same results: a split along east/Greek and west/Roman lines.

Krispy Wafer
Jul 26, 2002

I shouted out "Free the exposed 67"
But they stood on my hair and told me I was fat



Grimey Drawer

Mad Doctor Cthulhu posted:

Probably because it's a lazy default that people only get into when they get into serious poo poo and/or want to evade responsibility. Doesn't help that Christmas gives the illusion of Christianity when most Americans simply don't give a poo poo and practice a capitalist/Yule version of it anyway. American Christianity is just a way for ignorant people to feel superior and pressure everybody into giving that ignorance space.

Well, to be fair Christians in Africa probably know little to nothing about American denominations.

My favorite Christmas fact is that the Puritans didn't celebrate it because it's a Pagan holiday.

Casimir Radon
Aug 1, 2008



Krispy Kareem posted:

Well, to be fair Christians in Africa probably know little to nothing about American denominations.

My favorite Christmas fact is that the Puritans didn't celebrate it because it's a Pagan holiday.
100 years ago the sects that make the most noise about War on Christmas nonsense didn't celebrate Christmas for the same reason. So they're the ones stealing someone else's holiday.

Top City Homo
Oct 15, 2014



Ramrod XTreme

GoodyTwoShoes
Oct 26, 2013


http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbi...b-facility.html

Not much new info, but Duggar plane was spotted back in Rockford, IL. Maybe we will get more scandals to gloat over the hypocrisy of. The hypocrisy of which to gloat over? My English teacher is probably ready to slap me. Merry Everybody.

PathAsc
Nov 15, 2011

Hail SS-18 Satan may he cleanse us with nuclear fire

PISS TAPE IS REAL


Come they told me

Jim Jim a Jim Bob

My son deflours kids

Jim Jim a Jim Bob

PathAsc
Nov 15, 2011

Hail SS-18 Satan may he cleanse us with nuclear fire

PISS TAPE IS REAL


Dashing through the snow

Away from Joshua

Thinking "no, please no"

It's really all my fault

Captain Yossarian
Feb 24, 2011

All new" Rings of Fire"


PathAsc posted:

Dashing through the snow

Away from Joshua

Thinking "no, please no"

It's really all my fault

Lol

Fiend
Dec 2, 2001


happyhippy posted:

On the first day of Dugmas
my true love sent to me:
A Joshua hiding in the girls room.

That is a gift Josh gives himself.

Jonny 290
May 5, 2005

[A]sk me about OS/2 WARP


the "family airplane?" what the gently caress why do these weird fuckers always want to get airplanes
a solid 40% of all evangelical scandals come down to jets

Vincent Van Goatse
Nov 8, 2006

Don't be so gloomy. After all it's not that awful. Like the fella says, in Italy for thirty years under the Borgias they had warfare, terror, murder, and bloodshed, but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci, and the Renaissance.






Smellrose

Jonny 290 posted:

the "family airplane?" what the gently caress why do these weird fuckers always want to get airplanes
a solid 40% of all evangelical scandals come down to jets

Why would you not want a family airplane? Especially when your family has like 20+ people in it.

The Bible
May 8, 2010



Jonny 290 posted:

the "family airplane?" what the gently caress why do these weird fuckers always want to get airplanes
a solid 40% of all evangelical scandals come down to jets

Nonono, Jesus wants them to have it.

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Bonzo
Mar 11, 2004

Just like Mama used to make it!


Come they told me, Jim Bob Bob Bob Bob
A new born King to see, Jim Bob Bob Bob Bob
Our finest gifts we bring, Jim Bob Bob Bob Bob
To lay before the King, pa Jim Bob Bob Bob Bob
Jim Bob Bob Bob, Jim Bob Bob Bob

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