Schadenfreude Thread: AHHHHHHHHH

The Something Awful Forums > Main > Post Your Favorite: Carefully Curated > Schadenfreude Thread: AHHHHHHHHH

Megillah Gorilla: Sep 22, 2003; If only all of life's problems could be solved by smoking a professor of ancient evil texts.; Bread Liar

iospace posted:

Legally, in the US, they can not take out money out of your paycheck for shoplifting or the drawer being short.

Doesn't stop the companies from doing that, though.

Oh certainly. When I worked at a petrol station as a young bloke, if you had a drive off they'd take it out of your pay.

So I just stole from them to equal value because gently caress that bullshit.

# ? Sep 3, 2018 06:49

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Jun 6, 2024 08:43

MariusLecter: Sep 5, 2009; NI MUERTE NI MIEDO

Megillah Gorilla posted:

Oh certainly. When I worked at a petrol station as a young bloke, if you had a drive off they'd take it out of your pay.

So I just stole from them to equal value because gently caress that bullshit.

Dude was there for the whole encounter with the employees, when the dude started threatening the employees the dude walks up to him like "Oh you think you're a big tough dude?" and *POP*

:allears:

# ? Sep 3, 2018 07:08

Data Graham: Dec 28, 2009; 📈📊🍪😋

Pirate Radar posted:

It�s like they think that when they point out some flaw in logic or hole in the law the judge will go �oh, drat, you got us, we have to let you go now� and not �lol I don�t care, go away�

Didn't it work on that cop at 13:30 in that video a couple of pages ago that everyone was saying was awesome for not taking sovcit poo poo? The guy eventually said AM I BEING DETAINED? AM I FREE TO GO? and the cop just sent him on his way

# ? Sep 3, 2018 07:19

EmmyOk: Aug 11, 2013

Every sovereign citizen argues like Charlie from Always Sunny practising bird law

# ? Sep 3, 2018 07:22

Mr. Fix It: Oct 26, 2000; 💀ayyy💀

EmmyOk posted:

Every sovereign citizen argues like Charlie from Always Sunny practising bird law

http://alexanderlozada.com/iasip/?VGhlIEdhbmcgRG9lcyBOb3QgV2lzaCB0byBDcmVhdGUgSm9pbmRlciB3aXRoIFlvdQ==

# ? Sep 3, 2018 07:36

EmmyOk: Aug 11, 2013

Lmbo

# ? Sep 3, 2018 07:37

Raygereio: Nov 12, 2012

Dumb Lowtax posted:

Imagine the dude who walks in on the chess tournament cheater in that goon story, who goes all decorum on the screaming referee about assuming good faith and hearing the person out.

I need a link, because how do you even cheat at a chess tournament?

# ? Sep 3, 2018 07:53

Garrand: Dec 28, 2012; Rhino, you did this to me!

It's not an actual story but more of a goon parable.

quote:

A better analogy would be if someone walks into a championship tournament, says "GEE I THINK I MAY HAVE TRANSCENDED THE UNDERSTANDING OF SOME OF YOU GRANDMASTERS HERE, WANT TO JOIN MY NEW SCHOOL OF CHESS STRATEGY?", then loses by scholar's mate twice in the first round.

This person then refuses to leave his seat, claiming that he needs additional proof that the queen in f7 actually ontologically exists before he will admit defeat, and that the rules of the CHESS ESTABLISHMENT were unfairly biased against him by disallowing the possibility of his king being able to leapfrog pieces.

Then he pulls out an ancient shopping list from 1905 and claims that "1. Eggs" means 'The King', "2. Butter" means 'can', and "3. Milk" means 'leapfrog'. This is admissible evidence for his case because he has lived according to the dictates of this list since he was a teenager, and it has drastically improved his quality of life. When the referees tell him that this makes no loving sense, he drags them into a three hour debate over the precise meaning of the words 'makes', 'no', 'loving', and 'sense'.

When people point out that there is more than enough evidence to suggest his list is just a scrap of paper from some long-dead housewife's purse, he rather proudly points out how close-minded they are in dismissing outright the possibility that the list was in fact a secret coded message on the best way to live life, originally formulated by Atlanteans and passed down through the ages disguised as everyday documents. After all, if one starts with the presupposition that such a document exists, then it would be very fair to argue that it is indeed in the form of his shopping list.

Never mind that his previous interpretations of the list led to three convictions and time served for robbery, hate crimes, and murder. These were just unfortunate misinterpretations on his part of the list's true intentions, he says. The list itself is blameless. In fact, the Atlanteans deliberately obfuscated the true meaning of the list in this way, so that it would require multiple failed misinterpretations before one would happen across its TRUE meaning, and in doing so appreciate it all the more.

In fact, he does have some evidence to back up his claims. Why, just last week during his daily meditation on the list, he felt it telling him that something good was about to happen in his future. And yesterday, wouldn't you know it, he found a twenty dollar note on the sidewalk! Evidence of the list's prophetic powers if I ever saw one. And believe him, he has many more stories where that came from.

By now, the debate has splintered off into innumerable tangents, with the one man against literally every other player and referee present at the tournament. Finally, he graciously accepts the possibility of defeat in some of the myriad topics now being covered. OK, maybe the tallest player doesn't always get to go first. Fine, I will concede that there isn't much evidence to support my third-invisible-knight hypothesis. But that's all irrelevant. What he wants to concentrate on, and what nobody has yet been able to disprove, he adds, is the ability of the king to leapfrog over other pieces.

The argument drags on for weeks. Finally, one afternoon, the beet-faced referee exhausts his last reserves of decency and throws his arms up in frustration and despair. "YOU loving RETARD, HOW CAN YOU LAY CLAIM TO KNOWING ANYTHING ABOUT CHESS STRATEGY WHEN YOU DON'T EVEN GRASP THE MOST BASIC RULES!?" He shouts, just as a new entrant walks through the door. "I'm sorry," replies the man calmly, "I simply cannot discuss the rules of chess with such an 'official' if you insist on using such strong and uncouth language. Please retract your insults or I will be forced to plug my ears whenever you say anything from now on."

Seeing only this last exchange, the new entrant pipes up. "He's right, you know. If he did something wrong, then you as the referee have every right to tell him he is so, but it should be done with a patient and thorough explanation of the details of his error. Hurling ridicule at him solves nothing and won't change anyone's mind."

The lazy eye of the retarded List-following, King-leapfrogging man twitches almost unnoticeably, as he cranes his head towards the source of this new voice. A welcoming smile cracks, inch by beaming inch, across his face. He licks his lips. He clears his throat.

"So glad to know decent people like you still value a polite discussion. Care for a game?"

# ? Sep 3, 2018 07:56

BovineFury: Oct 28, 2007; I moo for great justice!

Raygereio posted:

I need a link, because how do you even cheat at a chess tournament?

Hide a smart phone in the bathroom.
https://nypost.com/2015/04/13/chess-champ-busted-in-embarrasing-bathroom-cheat/

# ? Sep 3, 2018 08:02

Powered Descent: Jul 13, 2008; We haven't had that spirit here since 1969.

Raygereio posted:

I need a link, because how do you even cheat at a chess tournament?

Chess gets... weird sometimes.

Wikipedia: 1978 World Chess Championship posted:

The 1978 World Chess Championship was played between Anatoly Karpov and Viktor Korchnoi in Baguio City, Philippines from July 18 to October 18, 1978. Karpov won, thereby retaining the title.

The match had many bizarre incidents. Karpov's team included a Dr. Zukhar (a well known hypnotist), while Korchnoi adopted two local renegades currently on bail for attempted murder.[1] There was more controversy off the board, with histrionics ranging from X-raying of chairs, protests about the flags used on the board, the inevitable hypnotism complaints and the mirror glasses used by Korchnoi. When Karpov's team sent him a blueberry yogurt during a game without any request for one by Karpov, the Korchnoi team protested, claiming it could be some kind of code. They later said this was intended as a parody of earlier protests, but it was taken seriously at the time.[2]

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/World_Chess_Championship_1978

And now you know the background for the Arbiter's song from the musical Chess, just a few years later:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JoTDsFtC0TM

# ? Sep 3, 2018 08:27

Ommin: Apr 5, 2006; I like to watch CinemaSins and Honest Trailers for all the movies I'm curious about but don't want to watch. It's like Cliff's Notes with commentary notes to use in conversation to "prove you watched it."

EmmyOk posted:

Every sovereign citizen argues like Charlie from Always Sunny practising bird law

I did not expect to read this on the wikipedia though:

"The Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) classifies some sovereign citizens ("sovereign citizen extremists") as domestic terrorists. In 2010 the Southern Poverty Law Center (SPLC) estimated that approximately 100,000 Americans were "hard-core sovereign believers", with another 200,000 "just starting out by testing sovereign techniques for resisting everything from speeding tickets to drug charges". In surveys conducted in 2014 and 2015, representatives of US law enforcement ranked the risk of terrorism from the sovereign-citizen movement higher than the risk from any other group, including Islamic extremism, militias, racists, and Neo-Nazis. The New South Wales Police Force in Australia has also identified sovereign citizens as a potential terrorist threat."

# ? Sep 3, 2018 08:30

Platystemon: Feb 13, 2012; BREADS

Raygereio posted:

I need a link, because how do you even cheat at a chess tournament?

Sometimes competitors are allowed just have PDA on the table, ostensibly to notate moves as they make them, but it makes it hilariously easy to cheat.

# ? Sep 3, 2018 08:33

Garrand: Dec 28, 2012; Rhino, you did this to me!

Ommin posted:

I did not expect to read this on the wikipedia though:

"The Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) classifies some sovereign citizens ("sovereign citizen extremists") as domestic terrorists. In 2010 the Southern Poverty Law Center (SPLC) estimated that approximately 100,000 Americans were "hard-core sovereign believers", with another 200,000 "just starting out by testing sovereign techniques for resisting everything from speeding tickets to drug charges". In surveys conducted in 2014 and 2015, representatives of US law enforcement ranked the risk of terrorism from the sovereign-citizen movement higher than the risk from any other group, including Islamic extremism, militias, racists, and Neo-Nazis. The New South Wales Police Force in Australia has also identified sovereign citizens as a potential terrorist threat."

Unsurprisingly a group of people with only a partial grasp on reality who are armed to the teeth and believe that the government has no real authority turn into very real and very dangerous threats. Of course that's probably taken a back seat now that the FBI is focusing on Black Identity Extremistst (i.e. blacks who don't like getting murdered by cops.)

# ? Sep 3, 2018 08:42

Ommin: Apr 5, 2006; I like to watch CinemaSins and Honest Trailers for all the movies I'm curious about but don't want to watch. It's like Cliff's Notes with commentary notes to use in conversation to "prove you watched it."

Garrand posted:

Unsurprisingly a group of people with only a partial grasp on reality who are armed to the teeth and believe that the government has no real authority turn into very real and very dangerous threats. Of course that's probably taken a back seat now that the FBI is focusing on Black Identity Extremistst (i.e. blacks who don't like getting murdered by cops.)

My god...you're right. :negative:

# ? Sep 3, 2018 08:47

Karate Bastard: Jul 31, 2007; Soiled Meat

FUSION WEDGIE :derp:

https://i.imgur.com/XfJWdOB.mp4

# ? Sep 3, 2018 09:58

JackMann: Aug 11, 2010; Secure. Contain. Protect.; Fallen Rib

Powered Descent posted:

I sometimes wonder if that's what keeps people trying various sovcit bullshit. The actual law is full of strange verbiage and stranger logic, and people can convince themselves they've discovered some top-secret instruction set they can use to crash the system. I mean, Captain Kirk could talk a computer to death using its own logic against it, why shouldn't they be able to do the same to the powerful-but-byzantine system they're up against?

Basically, yeah. The law is confusing and has a lot of arbitrary-seeming rules. They don't understand why it's the way it is, so they think it's like a computer where you insert the right phrasing at the right time it gives you the results you want. They don't get that the fancy phrasing and the careful rules are really just a way for everyone in the court to be on the same page. There's a reason for it all (sometimes very good reasons, sometimes just because we've always done it that way), but if you don't go looking, it seems really confusing. They think of the courts as being a more-or-less automatic function, where you only need to set up the right input to get the output you want. They fail over-and-over-again to realize that there are human beings involved. Judges are not machines and the courts are designed around the idea that they have some autonomy in how they render judgements.

As well, it doesn't matter how airtight you think your argument is for why the law doesn't apply to you. The men with tasers think it does, and so it will.

# ? Sep 3, 2018 10:16

Platystemon: Feb 13, 2012; BREADS

When an officer of the law doesn�t do what they want, a sovcit thinks they�ve encountered the equivalent of a syntax error.

# ? Sep 3, 2018 10:31

3D Megadoodoo: Nov 25, 2010

I once got to translate an NDA and when I learned that English-language contracts start with a big-rear end WHEREAS for no particular reason I chuckled out loud because it reminded me of some old English chronicle where every entry began with a big-rear end WH�T. It's probably not funny to anyone else but yeah magic words are totally a thing in Anglophone law.

# ? Sep 3, 2018 11:15

eszett engma: May 7, 2013

WHEREAS we spear-danes have heard the glory of the folk-kings in the days of yore

# ? Sep 3, 2018 11:38

Guyver: Dec 5, 2006

iospace posted:

Legally, in the US, they can not take out money out of your paycheck for shoplifting or the drawer being short.

Doesn't stop the companies from doing that, though.

They can for drawer shortages legally actually as long as it doesn't bring you below minimum wage. Though that's federal law and good luck getting them to abide by it, you might have better protections under state laws.

# ? Sep 3, 2018 11:50

Trig Discipline: Jun 3, 2008; Please leave the room if you think this might offend you.; Grimey Drawer

Jerry Cotton posted:

I once got to translate an NDA and when I learned that English-language contracts start with a big-rear end WHEREAS for no particular reason I chuckled out loud because it reminded me of some old English chronicle where every entry began with a big-rear end WH�T.

Ah yes, The Chronicle of Little John. We read it in high school. The teacher was super into bit but I just thought it was OKAY.

# ? Sep 3, 2018 12:01

fizzymercury: Aug 18, 2011

Trig Discipline posted:

Ah yes, The Chronicle of Little John. We read it in high school. The teacher was super into bit but I just thought it was OKAY.

# ? Sep 3, 2018 13:21

Snowglobe of Doom: Mar 30, 2012; sucks to be right

Eh, close enough

https://i.imgur.com/5tf1C1Z.mp4

# ? Sep 3, 2018 13:29

muscles like this!: Jan 17, 2005

Ommin posted:

I did not expect to read this on the wikipedia though:

"The Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) classifies some sovereign citizens ("sovereign citizen extremists") as domestic terrorists. In 2010 the Southern Poverty Law Center (SPLC) estimated that approximately 100,000 Americans were "hard-core sovereign believers", with another 200,000 "just starting out by testing sovereign techniques for resisting everything from speeding tickets to drug charges". In surveys conducted in 2014 and 2015, representatives of US law enforcement ranked the risk of terrorism from the sovereign-citizen movement higher than the risk from any other group, including Islamic extremism, militias, racists, and Neo-Nazis. The New South Wales Police Force in Australia has also identified sovereign citizens as a potential terrorist threat."

It's basically because there have been multiple incidents of sovcits getting stopped because of their fake license plates and then just shooting the cops when their nonsense doesn't work.

Also a favorite tactic of theirs is to file liens on anyone they think wronged them.

# ? Sep 3, 2018 14:00

LifeSunDeath: Jan 4, 2007; still gay rights and smoke weed every day

Incoming schad

Texas physician tells medical journal women 'do not work as hard'

quote:

Tigges later told the Dallas Morning News that his comments were taken out of context. He said he responded to an email from the Dallas County Medical Society and did not know they would be included in a publication.

"My response sounds terrible and horrible and doesn't reflect what I was really trying to say," Tigges said. "I'm not saying female physicians should be paid less, but they earn less because of other factors."

So of course someone instantly found causally racist internet posts by same doctor

This guy's gonna have a bad week

# ? Sep 3, 2018 14:26

ekuNNN: Nov 27, 2004; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

Admiral Joeslop posted:

https://i.imgur.com/L60o4Vl.mp4

this is amazing :allears:

also; Germany has lots of SovCits too. They're called Reichsb�rger there, meaning citizens of the empire.

quote:

Reichsb�rger is used as a label for a loosely connected group of Germans who believe that the 1871 borders of the German empire are still in effect and that all of the country's governments since (and including) the Nazis have been illegitimate, many also subscribe to anti-Semitic ideologies.

They believe that the current Federal Republic of Germany is a puppet government controlled by the Allied powers of World War II.

Usually dismissed as a disparate association of ideological radicals, the Reichsb�rger have increasingly been in the headlines after a series of violent incidents in the past two years, including the murder of a policeman in the Bavarian town of Georgensgm�nd.

After putting in information requests to Germany's domestic security agencies, Focus reported that the number of Reichsb�rger adherents had grown to 15,600 by January � up more than 50 percent from the same time last year.

ekuNNN has a new favorite as of 14:39 on Sep 3, 2018

# ? Sep 3, 2018 14:29

Aramoro: Jun 1, 2012

Dumb Lowtax posted:

No, there are plenty of cowardly people in the world who that poo poo works on. Imagine the dude who walks in on the chess tournament cheater in that goon story, who goes all decorum on the screaming referee about assuming good faith and hearing the person out. Now a judge is probably hardened to that poo poo and power tripping as well and won't be the mark they're looking for, but the bad faith technicality arguing probably works on little day to day things on people immediately around them in their life. It's just a textbook form of mental abuse is all.

It's also worth pointing out a lot of these Sov Cit cases you see in court are people repeating something they've learnt by wrote. They're poor, vulnerable people, usually in masses of debt. Can men pray upon them, teaching them the secrets of law at seminars that can cost thousands of dollar, but it's worth it if you can stop the bank fore closing your house right? It's easy to mock these people because they sound so stupid, but they're just desperate.

# ? Sep 3, 2018 14:32

Data Graham: Dec 28, 2009; 📈📊🍪😋

More like Arschburgers

# ? Sep 3, 2018 14:52

MariusLecter: Sep 5, 2009; NI MUERTE NI MIEDO

Aramoro posted:

It's also worth pointing out a lot of these Sov Cit cases you see in court are people repeating something they've learnt by wrote. They're poor, vulnerable people, usually in masses of debt. Can men pray upon them, teaching them the secrets of law at seminars that can cost thousands of dollar, but it's worth it if you can stop the bank fore closing your house right? It's easy to mock these people because they sound so stupid, but they're just desperate.

Many sides. Many sides.

# ? Sep 3, 2018 14:55

Phanatic: Mar 13, 2007; Please don't forget that I am an extremely racist idiot who also has terrible opinions about the Culture series.

EmmyOk posted:

Every sovereign citizen argues like Charlie from Always Sunny practising bird law

Charlie and his bird law actually won a case, though.

# ? Sep 3, 2018 14:59

fisting by many: Dec 25, 2009

Data Graham posted:

Didn't it work on that cop at 13:30 in that video a couple of pages ago that everyone was saying was awesome for not taking sovcit poo poo? The guy eventually said AM I BEING DETAINED? AM I FREE TO GO? and the cop just sent him on his way

While it's true that invoking your right to remain silent is the closest real thing to sovcit magic words, they wouldn't have helped in this case because he was at a traffic stop and required to provide a valid license and proof of insurance.

He was released because he provided a valid license and proof of insurance.

# ? Sep 3, 2018 15:48

StrangersInTheNight: Dec 31, 2007; ABSOLUTE FUCKING GUDGEON

LifeSunDeath posted:

This guy's gonna have a bad week

His twitter is already gone. That was quick!

# ? Sep 3, 2018 16:16

MariusLecter: Sep 5, 2009; NI MUERTE NI MIEDO

StrangersInTheNight posted:

His twitter is already gone. That was quick!

And they say @jack doesn't ban nazis.

I know he doesn't lol

# ? Sep 3, 2018 16:16

DontMockMySmock: Aug 9, 2008; I got this title for the dumbest fucking possible take on sea shanties. Specifically, I derailed the meme thread because sailors in the 18th century weren't woke enough for me, and you shouldn't sing sea shanties. In fact, don't have any fun ever.

LifeSunDeath posted:

Incoming schad

"It was out of context! By which I mean, I didn't think it would be published!"

"Women should be paid less! I mean, I'm not saying women should be paid less. . ."

gently caress you, Gary. I look forward to hearing about your termination.

# ? Sep 3, 2018 17:00

OBAMNA PHONE: Aug 7, 2002

Aramoro posted:

It's also worth pointing out a lot of these Sov Cit cases you see in court are people repeating something they've learnt by wrote. They're poor, vulnerable people, usually in masses of debt. Can men pray upon them, teaching them the secrets of law at seminars that can cost thousands of dollar, but it's worth it if you can stop the bank fore closing your house right? It's easy to mock these people because they sound so stupid, but they're just desperate.

yeah but in some cases, like the video linked to the 370z guy (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zTMvCjpIiI0) they're idiots trying to buy luxury cars using a scam technique

# ? Sep 3, 2018 17:21

EmmyOk: Aug 11, 2013

Phanatic posted:

Charlie and his bird law actually won a case, though.

Clearly these dudes are dropping �I�m travelling not driving� as an attempted bombshell which is a real Mac move.

# ? Sep 3, 2018 17:24

snergle: Aug 3, 2013; A kind little mouse!

Somfin posted:

Like with the anti-feminists I'm pretty sure these guys started out in the atheism debate, where one logic hole can actually spiral out and bring the whole thing down; unfortunately, most real topics don't work that way. Additionally these folks seem convinced that simply finding the logical problem is sufficient. I'm reminded of the stories from the MtG thread where people would learn what the one-move-win combos are and then never learn, or forget, why they work, then be unable to actually execute the win if their opponent didn't recognise the combo and fold immediately. Except these guys don't even have a winning move.

The people who insta fold are dumb 90% of players cant do alot of 1 turn ko combos because most are super complicated.

# ? Sep 3, 2018 17:41

Byzantine: Sep 1, 2007

Powered Descent posted:

powerful-but-byzantine

*and

# ? Sep 3, 2018 18:07

Woodburger: Dec 5, 2004; ...Like a thousand other commanders on a thousand other battlefields, I wait for the dawn.

ekuNNN posted:

this is amazing

also; Germany has lots of SovCits too. They're called Reichsb�rger there, meaning citizens of the empire.

I like how they consider all German governments including the Nazi regime as illegitimate but they still hate Jews. Come on guys, why can't you just believe in magic laws and leave the poor Jewish community alone.

Also, I couldn't imagine being German and still being anti-Semitic. It seems really trite at this point.

# ? Sep 3, 2018 18:33

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Jun 6, 2024 08:43

DicktheCat: Feb 15, 2011

Guyver posted:

They can for drawer shortages legally actually as long as it doesn't bring you below minimum wage. Though that's federal law and good luck getting them to abide by it, you might have better protections under state laws.

Good luck if you work in a red state.

# ? Sep 3, 2018 19:06

The Something Awful Forums > Main > Post Your Favorite: Carefully Curated > Schadenfreude Thread: AHHHHHHHHH

«‹›1060 »