r/relationships: i calmly said its temporary (its permanent)

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: i calmly said its temporary (its permanent)

RoboRodent: Sep 19, 2012

quote:

For example she's already allowed her eldest to read through and study a human body book for kids above his age range.

Personally when I have kids I'll be following an entirely different approach such as no screen time before a certain age and definitely no sex education too young ( I'm all for sexual education just not until late teens when it's appropriate)

Oh no, the nine year old knows basic human anatomy from a book for children!!!!! Such forbidden knowledge should not be revealed until their eighteenth birthday!!!! Such a scandal!!!!!

# ? Aug 14, 2020 16:26

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# ? Jun 8, 2024 01:34

Soylent Pudding: Jun 22, 2007; We've got people!

A happy update:

UPDATE - AITA for throwing my kid's clothes onto the floor when they don't fold them neatly?

quote:

UPDATE
Almost 2 months ago I made a post on here about me throwing my daughter�s clothes onto the drawer when they weren�t folded neatly. Well that post really blew up, people on Twitter also chimed in.

Well the night I made the post, I was still in serious denial. I replied to some comments and my denial was perfectly clear for everyone to see.

The day after I read some more comments and messages I received from everyone. I resorted to the guest room and cried for hours. I read some people tell me that their moms were similar to me and they no longer have relationships with them. That was truly my worst fear, I seriously love my kids more than anything on this planet even if my actions don�t always show it.

I booked a virtual appointment with a phycologist, who diagnosed me with OCD and let me know she would help me. I have since had about 8 sessions with her and she has been a big help. Of course I still have a long way to go but I have been noticing some improvements already.

As for my daughter, she stayed at my sister�s house and came home a few days later after I told her that there would be major improvements made in my behavior. I sat all the kids down and told them that I have the resources to not be such an overbearing rear end in a top hat to them anymore.

One thing I do want to address is the fact that I was usually controlling with my kids, but the incident I wrote about was the one that sent both me and my daughter over the edge.

Me and her are on much better terms. I want to thank Reddit for waking me the hell up to become a better mom and wife. I also want to apologize to anyone who I brought back bad memories to. I want to have relationships with my children until we all grow old and I know so many of you guys don't have that, which breaks my heart but also hearing your stories gave me a big change of heart and are helping me fix my relationships and become a better person.

# ? Aug 14, 2020 16:28

John Wick of Dogs: Mar 4, 2017; A real hellraiser

RoboRodent posted:

You don't disrespect Baby Yoda!!!!!

Who da man? Baby yo da man. Baby Yoda da man

# ? Aug 14, 2020 16:32

hawowanlawow: Jul 27, 2009

Soylent Pudding posted:

She's the rear end in a top hat for not informing the appropriate service that an officer was having an affair with a subordinate under his command.

Anyways:
AITA for telling my brother he can't come back before he apologized to my girlfriend for calling her a bubble head because she calls baby Yoda meatball?

I don't think it's necessary to cut off the brother, just mercilessly make fun of star wars whenever he is around and when he gets mad mock him for being a big ol baby

# ? Aug 14, 2020 16:46

china bot: Sep 7, 2014; you listen HERE pal
SAY GOODBYE TO TELEPHONE SEX; Plaster Town Cop

I used to know a guy who could be brought to tears by relentless praising of The Last Jedi (it didn't need to be sincere). He is married and works in the auto industry

# ? Aug 14, 2020 16:52

Kenshin: Jan 10, 2007

china bot posted:

I used to know a guy who could be brought to tears by relentless praising of The Last Jedi (it didn't need to be sincere). He is married and works in the auto industry

Oh my god I would never, ever stop tormenting him.

Both because I generally enjoyed the movie and also because in my experience anyone who truly loathes that movie does so because they are an awful, awful person.

# ? Aug 14, 2020 16:54

mllaneza: Apr 28, 2007; Veteran, Bermuda Triangle Expeditionary Force, 1993-1952

AnoHito posted:

The dude eats quickly and was probably raised in a family where they didn't sit down to eat together very often.

Or was raised in a family that did eat together regularly, and if you didn't eat quickly you didn't get enough. I've know people who expected /were afraid of other people at the table to be taking things off their plate.

# ? Aug 14, 2020 17:07

haveblue: Aug 15, 2005; Toilet Rascal

RoboRodent posted:

( I'm all for sexual education just not until late teens when it's appropriate)

Congratulations on your grandmotherhood

# ? Aug 14, 2020 17:08

Gnoman: Feb 12, 2014; Come, all you fair and tender maids
Who flourish in your pri-ime
Beware, take care, keep your garden fair
Let Gnoman steal your thy-y-me
Le-et Gnoman steal your thyme

mllaneza posted:

Or was raised in a family that did eat together regularly, and if you didn't eat quickly you didn't get enough. I've know people who expected /were afraid of other people at the table to be taking things off their plate.

Toxic school or workplace lunch environments can also play into this.

# ? Aug 14, 2020 17:15

Mushmouth: Feb 21, 2004; Urban Tumbleweed

Gnoman posted:

Toxic school or workplace lunch environments can also play into this.

Well my third eye just blew right the gently caress open. I never considered that this may be why I don't like sitting down to eat with people and usually try to peace out as quickly as possible.
Got something to think about now. Thank you for posting this

# ? Aug 14, 2020 17:18

Mega Comrade: Apr 22, 2004; Listen buddy, we all got problems!

Mikl posted:

When you eat with someone, you wait to take the first bite until everyone is seated at the table and ready to begin. It's just good manners.

I hate this rule and actively ignore it. I'm eating my food while it's still hot thanks.

# ? Aug 14, 2020 17:31

Mozi: Apr 4, 2004; Forms change so fast
Time is moving past
Memory is smoke
Gonna get wider when I die; Nap Ghost

it's your right to be rude

if it's taking a long time for others to be ready for some reason you can always ask if they mind if you start eating, though ideally they would notice you're waiting and just tell you to go ahead

# ? Aug 14, 2020 17:33

Piell: Sep 3, 2006; Grey Worm's Ken doll-like groin throbbed with the anticipatory pleasure that only a slightly warm and moist piece of lemoncake could offer; Young Orc

I think we can all agree that chugging pasta over the sink is wierd though, right?

# ? Aug 14, 2020 17:47

PetraCore: Jul 20, 2017; 👁️🔥👁️👁️👁️BE NOT👄AFRAID👁️👁️👁️🔥👁️

RoboRodent posted:

Oh no, the nine year old knows basic human anatomy from a book for children!!!!! Such forbidden knowledge should not be revealed until their eighteenth birthday!!!! Such a scandal!!!!!

It's also explicitly an anatomy book for kids, so I'm loling at her shock. Like, there's definitely stuff I wouldn't show kids, but I feel like you should definitely have some anatomical education before puberty hits (which can be surprisingly early!), and sex education for young kids is also important in the context of giving them the ability to know what adults shouldn't be doing with them, and what they shouldn't be playing with other children. You don't have to get graphic.

# ? Aug 14, 2020 17:47

Cliff: Nov 12, 2008

Piell posted:

I think we can all agree that chugging pasta over the sink is wierd though, right?

I'm absolutely projecting, but maybe he's a line cook or chef? We always had seconds to eat and did so over a garbage can, although most people can learn to code switch and not eat like a loving savage at home or with company so it's still on him.

# ? Aug 14, 2020 17:50

pentyne: Nov 7, 2012

Mozi posted:

it's your right to be rude

if it's taking a long time for others to be ready for some reason you can always ask if they mind if you start eating, though ideally they would notice you're waiting and just tell you to go ahead

I'm not surprised everyone is missing the point but this isn't a guy scarfing down his meal in a quick minute he's gulping down a fried egg without using silverware and scarfing down pasta out of the cooking pot while standing over the sink arguing that it saves time on cleaning dishes. This is not rude its bizarre and weird.

# ? Aug 14, 2020 17:51

SerialKilldeer: Apr 25, 2014

AITA for constantly lying to my father to suck as much money out of him as possible?

quote:

My father is an extremely rich politician from a third world country. I always had everything when I was a child, except for his love and attention. For him, I did not exist.
When I was a teenager I got sent off to a fancy private school abroad, and been living on monthly allowance. I am currently in university, and I still receive an okay amount of money every month. However, in the past year I have noticed that there is less and less communication between us, and any time he sends me money he goes on a 20 minute rant about how poor he is and how he can barely afford paying for my university expenses, and I need to stop using electricity and eat less.
I used to believe him until one day I mentioned it to my mother (they are still together legally). She was livid - he has been acting the same way with her, and after she dug a little she found out he had two mistresses.
Here is when it gets worse - both of these women are around my age and he bought them millions dollars worth of property, cars and clothes. He showers them and their little nieces with money, while complaining any time I ask for money to pay for my electricity bill or food.
I am graduating in three years and fully expect to be left with absolutely no support from him. Ever since I found out about him spending money this way, I have been constantly making up expenses and begging for money any chance I get. I have been saving like crazy, awaiting the day he gets rid of me.
I mentioned it to my long term boyfriend while we were drinking and he was disgusted with me. He said I was literally stealing from my own father and I am not entitled to any of his money.
Am I the rear end in a top hat, reddit?
Edit: I�m not an adult yet. Will be next year. Drinking age is 16 in the country I�m in.
Edit 2: I�m from a country where my parents are supposed to support me until I am settled into adult life. In return, I have to support them once they retire. Father often talks about how he can soon relax because me and my sister will support him once we get jobs.

# ? Aug 14, 2020 17:52

Puppy Time: Mar 1, 2005

Funktastic posted:

AITA for telling my sister her kids( 5m )and( 8m )are far too young for horror films?

Carrie: aww I'm sorry but we're a huge horror fan family, I thought you knew that! We have a system don't worry, before every film we give a vague outline of what monsters are involved.

Most of the time both boys are extremely eager to watch with us, and then after we watch the film we make them watch a making of video on YouTube so they can see none of it's real and that the monsters are all makeup and cgi.

Sex ed weirdness aside, I was ready to agree with OP until I read this. A+ parenting IMO: the kids can prepare for the scary stuff, they get scared, and then they're taught to investigate the scary thing and learn about it, thus taking away the fear. OP is a ninny.

# ? Aug 14, 2020 18:00

PetraCore: Jul 20, 2017; 👁️🔥👁️👁️👁️BE NOT👄AFRAID👁️👁️👁️🔥👁️

Puppy Time posted:

Sex ed weirdness aside, I was ready to agree with OP until I read this. A+ parenting IMO: the kids can prepare for the scary stuff, they get scared, and then they're taught to investigate the scary thing and learn about it, thus taking away the fear. OP is a ninny.

Yeah it sounds like at this point they get excited about the monster designs and then seeing how it's made.

# ? Aug 14, 2020 18:02

Smirking_Serpent: Aug 27, 2009

AITA for extending my brother's wedding invite to a friend who very recently got divorced?

quote:

My brother is getting married, and he's recently started sending out invites. It's a small gathering, about, 25 people. It might get postponed, but COVID's been going down where I live and small gatherings are already being allowed so my brother's trying to cover his bases.

I have a friend. She's very close to my family and I, I've known her since 3rd grade. She's always been around, and is close to all of my siblings and my parents. She got divorced fairly recently (5 months ago), and it was rough on her. We invited her to my brother's wedding, and we made sure to say that, it's alright, we understand if it's too soon, etc. She completely flipped out. She called me screaming, rage crying asking me "how dare you think I'd even want to come to a freaking wedding when I just got divorced? How loving insensitive can you be?"

She called my brother up and said a few choice words to him as well, and my future SIL. "Just gently caress off with this wedding bullshit, I hope you end up divorced" and so on. They ended up rescinding the invite.

People are split. My parents just think she's lashing out because she's hurt, and there's a few weeks before the wedding and she'd have calmed down by then. Others think we're simply assholes for sending her a wedding invite in the first place. And some just say divorce or not, she's an adult and should've controlled herself.

# ? Aug 14, 2020 18:03

VanSandman: Feb 16, 2011; SWAP.AVI EXCHANGER

Smirking_Serpent posted:

AITA for extending my brother's wedding invite to a friend who very recently got divorced?

She's an adult. If she can't control herself, gently caress her.

# ? Aug 14, 2020 18:09

Hirayuki: Mar 28, 2010

Bruceski posted:

I love that Mr T picked his name so that white folks would have to call him Mister.

A lot of Black people (men especially) went by their first and middle initials so no white people could belittle them by calling them by their first names.

A source: https://www.investopedia.com/insights/origins-black-wall-street/

# ? Aug 14, 2020 18:15

Scaevolus: Apr 16, 2007

Mega Comrade posted:

I hate this rule and actively ignore it. I'm eating my food while it's still hot thanks.

Not starting at exactly the same time is pretty common and fine, but you normally try to at least overlap your eating times to do it together. Scarfing food over the sink instead of sitting down with your partner is ridiculous.

# ? Aug 14, 2020 18:24

Mega Comrade: Apr 22, 2004; Listen buddy, we all got problems!

Scaevolus posted:

Not starting at exactly the same time is pretty common and fine, but you normally try to at least overlap your eating times to do it together. Scarfing food over the sink instead of sitting down with your partner is ridiculous.

That's decadent student sort of behaviour. Were your having a passive aggressive fight with your house mate not doing the dishes so just eat from the sauce pan out of spite.

# ? Aug 14, 2020 18:27

SUPERMAN'S GAL PAL: Feb 21, 2006; Holy Moly! DARKSEID IS!

Cliff posted:

They are smart to watch behind the scenes stuff afterward, seeing how it's made or watching the monster have coffee and gently caress around with the cast is fun and shows the kids that it's not real.

One of my favorite episodes of Mr Roger�s Neighborhood is when Fred visited the set of The Incredible Hulk to show how the show was made, including showing how Lou Feregno got into the Hulk makeup to demonstrate this was all make-believe. This was during the height of the show�s popularity and a lot of little kids were afraid of Hulk, or afraid of being so angry they would turn into a monster; I used to watch the show with my dad and while I wasn�t afraid, I was fascinated in the makeup and over the years loved movie monsters in general for the whole process of creating them.

RoboRodent posted:

Oh no, the nine year old knows basic human anatomy from a book for children!!!!! Such forbidden knowledge should not be revealed until their eighteenth birthday!!!! Such a scandal!!!!!

At that age I was getting Childcraft Encyclopedias in the regular. As an advanced reader I also read their �Handbook for Parents� which in plain language described the science of sex and reproduction. I guess it was a little odd because I had such a cold understanding of the process learning about all the emotional issues many tie to sex as a teen was a mindfuck.

Soylent Pudding posted:

A happy update:

UPDATE - AITA for throwing my kid's clothes onto the floor when they don't fold them neatly?

This makes me overjoyed to read, I hope she can continue becoming a better person and parent!

# ? Aug 14, 2020 18:36

Scaevolus: Apr 16, 2007

My (M27) boyfriend (M26) has rediscovered World of Warcraft during quarantine and it�s killing our relationship

quote:

I�ve been with my boyfriend for over 5 years, lived together for 3. He�s always been a gamer (not a problem) and would play casually in his free time.

During quarantine, we�ve both been working from home (in our 1BR apt) and I noticed that he picked up World of Warcraft as a hobby. At first I thought it was fine (better than sourdough I guess), but time on this game started to quickly build.

In my mind, I thought it was best to leave him to his hobby. COVID is stressful for everyone so let him have his escape. But this is more than a hobby. 2-3 nights a week he �raids� with this big headset on and can�t be disturbed for 3+ hours.

If it were only that, then whatever. Fair compromise. But it�s not just that. Even when I tell him I want to watch a movie/tv together, he is on his phone browsing WoW forums or googling something related to the game. Even at the grocery store: on his phone on the forums while I�m trying to run our errand.

We haven�t had sex in over two weeks. The other day I walked up behind him naked while he was playing his game and he brushed me aside. I felt a bit humiliated. This has happened multiple times and I feel like the game is taking priority over me.

It�s now creeping into my work, too. He�s started casually playing during the middle of the day and the noise of the keyboard mashing is incredibly distracting. I�ve asked him multiple times not to play during the day since we have to work in the same room, but as soon as I get on a call or make it seem like I�m leaving the room, he�ll get back on. I�m so so so tired of repeating myself.

I have mentioned to him before that I want him to be more present and attentive, but he doesn�t seem to think there�s a problem. I�m running out of patience. What should I do?

TL;DR: BF of 5 years addicted to WoW. No sex in 2+ weeks. Time we �spend together� he�s on his phone reading about WoW. He doesn�t think there�s a problem. Getting very frustrated.

Personally I'd take the sourdough.

# ? Aug 14, 2020 18:48

hawowanlawow: Jul 27, 2009

Scaevolus posted:

My (M27) boyfriend (M26) has rediscovered World of Warcraft during quarantine and it’s killing our relationship

perfectly normal, perfectly healt-

quote:

he is on his phone browsing WoW forums

he is a complete loss

# ? Aug 14, 2020 18:50

gloom: Feb 1, 2003; distracted from distraction by distraction

Skutter posted:

Someone posted Mr. T's interview about it, but it's also been a historical practice with Black Americans to give their children names that are a form of an honorific or a historically-important person. So you get kids named Moses, Princess, Yourhighness, Mister, etc., as a way to "force" others to show some sort of respect for the child, because they're already going to have people being awful to them due to their skin color. I tried to find the article I read about it a few years ago but failed, so please enjoy this Twitter thread referencing a study about the history of Black naming conventions in America instead: https://twitter.com/TrevonDLogan/status/966086527666348035?s=20

Hirayuki posted:

A lot of Black people (men especially) went by their first and middle initials so no white people could belittle them by calling them by their first names.

A source: https://www.investopedia.com/insights/origins-black-wall-street/

Super interesting, thank you both!!

# ? Aug 14, 2020 19:01

sullat: Jan 9, 2012

Gnoman posted:

Toxic school or workplace lunch environments can also play into this.

A waitress once saw me eat a meal in like 15 seconds and then asked if I had been in the military or in prison, because that's how men from there ate.

# ? Aug 14, 2020 19:14

tactlessbastard: Feb 4, 2001; Godspeed, post; Fun Shoe

PetraCore posted:

It's also explicitly an anatomy book for kids, so I'm loling at her shock. Like, there's definitely stuff I wouldn't show kids, but I feel like you should definitely have some anatomical education before puberty hits (which can be surprisingly early!), and sex education for young kids is also important in the context of giving them the ability to know what adults shouldn't be doing with them, and what they shouldn't be playing with other children. You don't have to get graphic.

I was about 5 when I came across my dad's obstetrics textbook. They found out I had been reading it when I interrupted my mom's ~~daydrinking with other floozies~~ afternoon tea to ask her if it hurt when they use the forceps.

# ? Aug 14, 2020 19:38

big shtick energy: May 27, 2004

Boyfriend says it�s my fault I receive no head, is he right?

quote:

Basically I get mad because he never gave me as much oral as I did with him. I give him blowjobs 100% of the time and he gives me head about 10% of the time. Basically what it is, is I get angry like once a month about. I tell him I wish he would want to do it more, because I feel like he doesn�t care about my sexual pleasure when he rarely does anything to me. So he told me in the past he hasn�t much and that he�s sorry. But he also says he doesn�t do it now because I would reject him almost everytime he tries to do it, so he wouldn�t attempt to or ask everytime we have sex because of past rejection. I accidentally kicked him in the head trying to get him to stop and he said it�s because of that too.
Anyway, the reason I reject him sometimes is because I�m either not freshly showered, or I have not freshly shaved, or it�s right after I had to tell him(which in that case I don�t want it because he just got reminded to, and that is a bigger turn off than anything).
I got mad saying that just because one day I don�t want it doesn�t mean every time. He kind of understands except he doesn�t really make sure I�m sexually fulfilled. He said it seemed like I was, then I lashed out saying that he should know by now that just sex itself doesn�t pleasure women (most of them) to the point of orgasm. We are each others first to eachother and still figuring it out. We�ve only been having sex for about 5 or 6 months, but we�ve been together for about a year. Basically I told him he should ask me if I want anything more either before we start or after, because it�s getting to be such a turn off having to remind him that I need more than his dick sometimes.
Unfortunately I offended him in him thinking his dick was not enough for me. Don�t get me wrong I love his dick, but it�s just not everything for me. So he said he needs time again to work up sexual confidence and idk what exactly to do. All I wanted was for him to want to give me head more often and I�m still salty he doesn�t do it to me as often as I do it to him, so I�m afraid he doesn�t want to. He says he does, so then WHY DOESNT HE JUST DO IT? Ughh.
TL;DR
Basically I told him he should give oral back if I do it to him like 10 times more. He said the reason he doesn�t is because I reject him sometimes (which there�s reasons for that), but still, he doesn�t really bother to do anything the next day or 5 days after that because I said no a few days earlier. It�s very frustrating. He also says it�s because one time I accidentally kicked him in the head when I changed my mind about it. It was involuntary and I did apologize, but now he doesn�t want to get kicked in the head he says. Then I�m like, why don�t you just ask me what I want instead of just doing nothing. He said it�s my job to tell him what I want, but I�m kinda sad about that because in that case it seems like I�m reminding him, and I also don�t know then if he really wants to on his own or if it�s just because he�s trying to make me happy. Idk what to do exactly and I feel like we haven�t moved on from here.

# ? Aug 14, 2020 19:43

therobit: Aug 19, 2008; I've been tryin' to speak with you for a long time

TFW the TLDR is almost as long as the long version.

Y'all are both bad at communicating and he is bad at sex. Tell him to get better and stop blowing him until he does.

# ? Aug 14, 2020 20:24

Grape: Nov 16, 2017; Happily shilling for China!

RoboRodent posted:

Oh no, the nine year old knows basic human anatomy from a book for children!!!!! Such forbidden knowledge should not be revealed until their eighteenth birthday!!!! Such a scandal!!!!!

It's bad to expose kids to horror.

Such as the body horror of going all the way through puberty understanding nothing about what's going on with your body and brain.

Mozi posted:

it's your right to be rude

That's straight cultural my dude, some places just plain don't do that at all.

therobit posted:

TFW the TLDR is almost as long as the long version.

Y'all are both bad at communicating and he is bad at sex. Tell him to get better and stop blowing him until he does.

If she communicates anything like she writes then oi.

Grape fucked around with this message at 20:39 on Aug 14, 2020

# ? Aug 14, 2020 20:34

kimbo305: Jun 9, 2007; actually, yeah, I am a little mad

fat bossy gerbil posted:

You have no idea how badly I wish it was. Their marriage is rapidly crumbling thanks to his untreated mental illness that he refuses to seek help for. He has become emotionally abusive towards her, especially over the last year. I was the best man at their wedding and I�ve known him since we were kids. And it wasn�t just a drunken mistake, I love this woman dearly and she feels the same about me. It�s a really uncomfortable place and I don�t know how to proceed.

I would lock up your gun cabinet for the time being.

# ? Aug 14, 2020 20:40

Cythereal: Nov 8, 2009; I love the potoo,
and the potoo loves you.

I (28F) do not want to attend my grandmother's funeral

quote:

My grandmother passed away yesterday from various health issues, nothing related to what's going on with the world. All of my family expects me to go, but I do not want to.

Some backstory: I was raised in an extremely conservative Christian family. My father is a pastor to a Pentecostal church in a small town so I grew up sheltered. When I was 18, I stupidly told my father that I didn't believe in god. It's true. I spent all my life in church watching my father, grandparents, and the rest of my family find fulfillment from religion something I never experienced. I was tired pretending to be something I'm not. I expected my father to be a upset when I told him, but I didn't expect him to disown me. My father blew up at me and told me I wasn't welcome in his house or the family anymore. I had to pack my bags that minute. He signed over the title to the car he bought me when I was 16, handed it to me, and said, "I wash my hands clean of you."

I drove to my grandparents house in hopes I could stay with them. By the time I got there, my dad informed them of what happened and my grandparents said the same thing. I was a disappointment and not allowed to come back to their house. Their rejection hurt me the worst because I was extremely close to my grandparents. I spent almost every day with them. I'd walk to their house after school to help them with chores, garden, cook, and spend time with them. I spent half of my senior year living with to help my grandmother when she fell sick. My grandparents also showed me compassion towards my mental illness. That day was one of the worst days of my life. I was 18, homeless, with no job, connections, life experience or relationships outside of my family and the church. My father took me off his health insurance so I had no access to the meds I needed to function.

I moved to the closest city and spent the next few months trying to find a job while living in my car. I admit I did beg people for money to eat, took "baths" in public restrooms, and even shoplifted food when things were desperate. I did eventually find a job, but without my meds it was difficult to maintain stability. I lost my job, but met my (ex) boyfriend who offered my a place to stay. I spent the next 6 years with my boyfriend who increasingly became more and more abusive. He was seven years older than me and used his experience to control me financially. Throughout the years my family never contacted me. I knew I needed to get out my relationship with my boyfriend when it became physically abusive. I was able to sneak money to a separate bank account for a year. I packed a bag, threw it in the trunk, dropped my boyfriend off at his job, and without his knowledge moved 12 hours away. I got back on my meds with a good psychiatrist and therapist, a job, and an apartment. That was 3 years ago.

Last year, I decided to call my grandparents for the first time in 9 years. They immediately started crying and saying they missed me and how much it hurt them that I moved away without telling them. They also said I should call my father. When I did, he seemed happy, but after I told him about my ex and moving away he said, "Well you shouldn't have burned bridges with your family." I have tried to mend my relationship with my family but it's been difficult on me. They refuse to acknowledge or take accountability for the decimation of our relationship. They don't ask me questions about myself. Most of the conversations surround church, prayers and asking when I'm "coming back home". All of that was tolerable until today. I do not want to attend my grandmother's funeral. I don't want to pretend everything is okay when it's okay for them, but not me. I have asked my friends what I should do. They think I should go so I don't undo all the work I've done to mend the relationship, especially with my grandfather. I know going to the funeral might bring me closure, but I've been grieving the loss of my grandparents and family the day they disowned me. Any advice or comments are welcome.

Both of our states are open so I can't use what's going on as an excuse

Tl;Dr My grandmother died and I don't want to go to the funeral due the complications of our relationship.

Well well, if it isn't the consequences of my actions.

# ? Aug 14, 2020 20:51

LadyPictureShow: Nov 18, 2005; Success!

How often should she cook?

quote:

I (42, F) have been married to my wife (,43, F) for almost two decades. We are polyamorous. We share a home with our partner (42,M) and our children (17M, 16M, 12M, 10F, and 8F.) Wife and I have been with Partner for almost 5 years.

Wife was in school full time for two years, during which time she did not work and did not contribute financially towards the household. I am the primary caregiver for our children, and I also do not work. Wife graduated from college, and it took her about 6 months to return to work.

Partner is the primary breadwinner. He puts 100% of his income into the house and family. Wife is a RN, works full time (over the course of three days per week), meaning she has four days off per week. We do not share finances. Instead, she pays $1000 a month into the house, which is to cover the mortgage and utilities. Her buy-in comes to about 1/3 of the mortgage and utilities. She pays her own car note, as does Partner. Partner pretty much solely covers everything else (groceries, entertainment, anything the kids or I need). Wife pays in, and the rest of her money is HER money.

Here's what is actually bugging me: When she's off work? She doesn't really pitch into the family, labor wise. She rarely will take our kids to do anything or take responsibility for any errands. Doesn't clean house at all. Yesterday morning she was off for the 4th day in a row. She laid something out for dinner, but when dinner time rolled around, she didn't want to cook it. She wanted to go out to eat. But she doesn't chip in on these excursions. So we went out and ate Mexican food to the tune of about $120.

I don't mind that her buy-in to live here is low (she lives in a very nice home with a huge yard and a ton of amenities, everything is covered for $1k a month, including her car insurance and her cell phone, and those things for our kids, too.) We are in Alaska, meaning she basically pays tentament housing rent to live pretty fat. I mind that she acts entitled and ungrateful about ALL of it. Because she works outside the home, she acts like she doesn't need to contribute to life at home in any way. When she's off work, she acts like a teenager on spring break. Constantly seeking entertainment.

Is it reasonable to require her to choose a few specific nights during her days off when she will take responsibility for our kids, plan and cook a meal, maybe clean something? I have a hard time talking to her about that stuff because I do not work outside the home (but I do have income, I contribute 100% of what I make to the household).

If so, how many evenings should I ask her to be the adult on duty here? Two?

Tldr; Wife works, partner works, wife's contributions seem significantly and unfairly less, and the resentment is building

# ? Aug 14, 2020 20:52

Dramatika: Aug 1, 2002; THE BANK IS OPEN

Cythereal posted:

I (28F) do not want to attend my grandmother's funeral

Well well, if it isn't the consequences of my actions.

I mean you can get out of literally anything you want by saying you have the sniffles and a cough and maybe food doesn't taste as good right now. "Hey, I woke up with a sore throat and runny nose so I'm gonna get tested - hopefully the results are back in time but if not I really don't want to put you guys at risk" And that's if you really want to salvage something that has no reason to salvaged. Girl is better off without people like that in her life.

# ? Aug 14, 2020 21:01