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Directed by: Don E. FauntLeRoy Starring: Steven Seagal, Anthony 'Treach' Criss, Sarah Buxton I got "Today you die" as a pre-release movie from my Blockbuster. It comes out tommorow(9/13/05). I strongly recommend that no one watch it. Ever. Plot: Seagal plays Harlan, a robin-hood style thief who robs drug dealers and gives to the less fortunate. We know this because the first scene is him breaking into a drug dealer's house(Which didnt seem to have any drugs in it) and looting it. He was then attacked by several drug dealers who didnt even have any right to be in the house. He killed them all in a gory fight scene. Swords, guns and everything. He also has a girlfriend that has prophetic dreams. By 10 minutes into the movie, these two plot points are completely out the window. Sure, she still tells him about her dreams a couple more times but it makes no sense and has no bearing on the plot. Anyway, Harlan moves to Vegas in an attempt to go Legit. He gets a job driving an armoured car for a shadowy person known only as "Max" and he goes to a casino to make his pickup. His guard meets him and walks the 5 shiny briefcases of cash out to the car along with 2 casino security guards. For some really strange unknown reason, "Bruno" the guard shoots the 3 casino security guards and puts the gun to Harlan's head and tells him to drive. Here is the one good part of the movie. A chase scene that demolishes half the strip and probably 20 police cars. This is intercut by showing "Max" telling Bruno that everything is cool and blah blah blah. Eventually the chase scene ends and Harlan lays Bruno down in a gutter and doesnt even get back in the car. Cut to what seems like 5 seconds later and Harlan is staggering into a doorway where he is picked up by a couple cops in outdated County police cars and taken to a hospital. Apparently he has taken a pretty bad head wound and doesnt know where he hid the money that we did not get to see him hide. He's bumrushed into prison because he killed 3 cops and he could only tell the FBI to talk to "Max". He is then informed that "Max" is dead. Never once in this movie are we given a last name for Max. Or Bruno. Or Vince. Or Garret. As soon as he makes it into the prison yard, he is approached by a dude with a shiv who apparently wants to get a taste of the money that the whole criminal world already knows about, 5 minutes later. The dude shows him the shiv, and when Harlan mouths off to him, he goes to stab him. At this point, the shiv makes the sound that you would expect from a knife being drawn from a sheath. You know. *TCHING* So anyway, Harlan kicks his rear end and gives the Shiv to this other guy who approaches him with a message of peace and protection. Ice Cool says he wants a taste too, but he doesnt want to hurt Harlan, so Harlan throws in with Ice Cool. So anyway, in the next hour and a half of the movie, Ice Cool helps him break out of prison and they spend a while killing people until they find out "Max" isnt dead. Did I mention the fact that Harlan talks like a street-raised black man? I mean poo poo you would expect to hear fifty cent saying to his homies. Also, Ice Cool gets the titular line. After Harlan sets up a meeting with the second in command from "Max's" operation(He blew Max up a bit earlier) to give him the money back, there is a big firefight or whatever and Ice ends up face to face with "Vince". Vince shoots him and Ice cusses. Then Vince tries to shoot him again and has no bullets left. Ice Cool yells out "OH SO YOU ARE OUTTA GAS? WELL TODAY YOU DIE MOTHERFUCKER" Worst Movie Ever. RATING: .5 PROS: A pretty cool chase scene near the start of the movie CONS: Bad guys that have almost no bearing on the plot, Horrific amounts of stunt double usage over the course of the movie. Stock Footage. Horrible sound effects. ADDITIONAL INFORMATION: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0431114/
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Sep 12, 2005 20:36
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| # ? Apr 27, 2024 06:31 |
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