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This is my first thread ever after lurking for a long time so forgive any mistakes. Many of you frighten me almost as much as you hypnotize me with your magical ways. To the point. A few weeks back I broke up with a girl that had been slowly choking my soul to death and took solace in the forums here. I read a bunch of posts in one of the OKCupid threads and thought to myself, "Hey, self, you should do that. It will at least provide entertainment at work and who knows you may catch a lucky break." I busted out a quick profile and suffered through far to many stupid questions in the process and was away. Footloose and fancy free, a bachelor on the internet. I felt like I was coked up at studio 54. Fantastic! Fast forward to Christmas eve as I come home from a strip club a few friends and I attended to celebrate the birth of our Lord and Savior. He is Alpha and Omega and Tawny had a nice rack. Drunk and by myself, I sat down at my PC full of strange stirrings below that were quickly drowned out by the heart shattering weight of loneliness and sorrow at what life had become. Strip clubs, drunk, internet...I could have made it worse by logging into an old Maple Story account and searching for a group by I did one better. I logged into OKCupid. This is drunk dialing for the new millennium. I ran a search for any other looser online on Christmas eve and then started say hi and wishing merry. Three people responded. Two of them are very cool and fun to talk to so obviously that's not my story. This girl is the story:  That evening we chatted a bit and she seemed nice enough. Calm and pleasant she said she wasn't out because she broke up with her man a week prior so her plans had fallen apart. I expressed my concern and condolences. She said he and her had planned a trip for the states in the new year and she was a bit upset that she wouldn't be able to go now. Maybe that should have been the first flag but 5 shots of Jamesons had me slightly bleary. She told me she preferred to chat on yahoo so i said ok and speed created a yahoo account with no useful info on it. Drunk on the internet is no excuse to let you vigilance wane fellow goons! Good thing too. Next time we talked she started calling me baby and honey. Some people are just like that though so I sorta let it slide and asked if she had a pic that wasn't taken from a 9 year old camera phone. She said sure and set an image on her yahoo account.  I scratched my head. Men with flags waved at me. Sorry, woman(if that is indeed your name)I don't buy it. The pic seemed too professional. I decided to play along and see what the end would be. Told her she was gorgeous. No lie the model certainly is an attractive lady. She claimed to be from Sherwood, UK. Maybe irony in that. We started to exchange e-mails on yahoo. Shoe number one on all my doubt dropped: quote:Hii, well really short of words,cos i dont think i need to make you believe im REAL it sounds crazy that you dont believe me or are you just playing mind games,bcos if you are its not working for me.... I liked you from the day we met and ever since i went to see my mum been thinking and missing you wish i was with the laptop we could have said more but wasnt cos i was not prepeared to stay with her but she fell ill and i couldnt leave her...Listen if you gonna trust me trust me and if you are not donyt bother......Im willing to come and take my time to know you and share my feelings with you bcos you really sound serious and a man that is ready to have long relationship which im also looking for. I know your Job wont permit you travelling expecially when the new season has just began,and baby if its about the funds i will return it back to you immediately i have it..... Common baby we both know you can do this just to see the woman you wanna be with... let me know your mind towards this....." This email was written in hot pink with the comic sans font. Strangely, I found that much more offensive than the content. I was firmly of the mind that she was fake. Then she asked me to help her with cash to buy a plane ticket to come see me because she was thinking of me always. I played along and said I wanted to see some more pics so I could be confident to help her. I received a few images like this:  Thus begins my plea for assistance. Upon firmly realizing from my crown to my cock she/he/it was fake I pledged to create problems. The chats took a new tone. The names have been changed to help promote the truth. I find it interesting to note that the time stamp was goading me on: quote:[13:37] fakegirl001: so baby are you going to send me the funds today on your way to work??? The proto rickroll: quote:[13:57] internethero7: Its just like right now we are almost strangers The pointless inane shout out: quote:[14:00] internethero7: i will be right back I tried directing the conversation to odd things like self cutting or wild stories about my ex hitting me in bed but she would avoid it and somehow move back to me sending her just 1000 dollars and she would make it so I never had to worry again. A friend and fellow goon (Pointdev)suggested that I should move the conversation towards...oral sex. The kids call it a blow job these days right? Took some wrangling and haggling but I made that happen. Graphically. I then moved it through a more general tour of holes and degradation. It cost me dearly in terms of sanity since all I could think of was either a Russian or a Nigerian guy in a hovel with a 10 year old dell smoking a hand rolled cigarette snickering at the fool he is making of the American. It also cost me 1000 more imaginary dollars. I was forced to up the amount to 2000 bucks for a ticket for her if she can wait till Monday to receive it. Her describing depraved sexual acts was to ensure we were compatible physically. I have no intention of sending the money. That's why I am here. Advice. Should I call this person out. I lean to no. I'd like to string it out for humor and perversity. So tell me whats the best way to keep this going past tomorrow when she expects the funds wired to her? I thought I might claim the Western Union people had received complaints about the location she wants the money wired so I cant wire it there. Might buy a day or two. My friend ran down the persons email address and she is not indeed from England but instead in in Mauritius in the city of Ebene. Also to wrap it all up any funny that may come from this will probably not happen if her OKCupid profile gets a goonrush. I didn't include it so we don't scare her. I am imagining that once I get through with the girl some other lucky person can pick up the thread and beat the last horrid drops of fun from its bones. Thanks in advance for the assist. There are a few more e-mails from her and certainly plenty of chatlog but most of it is redundant so I left it out. Altarran fucked around with this message at 01:31 on Jan 5, 2009 |
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Jan 5, 2009 01:08
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**update*** While i was writing this came into the yahoo acount: quote:Damon, We've become very close in the past few days, closer than either of us even imagined. I'm scared too,Damon. I'm most afraid of you not giving us a chance. If you let the fears you are having stop us from even giving this a chance, then we'll never know what it could have been. i will not want us to regret it Damonim.There's something between us. I have no idea what it is, but I do know that it's good. Whatever it is that makes it so easy for us to be together, Baby, is definitely something good.Honey...... Just so you know Damon is the name of a Wicked cool character I played in a tabletop RPG!!! Yes, I am a geek. More so because the full name is Damon Matthews (Matt Damon). I needed a name quick, so sue me)
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Jan 5, 2009 01:13
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You haven't changed 'her' name in the last chatlog.
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Jan 5, 2009 01:13
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1st question to ask yourself: "Would a girl this hot really need to scour the internet for a date?" Was the profile blank except for the pictures, and had she not answered any questions? Fortunately it's pretty easy to tell which ones are scams and which one's aren't. It is kind of lame, I hadn't really been seeing any fake profiles on OKCupid until a few months ago. Guess all the craigslisters are moving on. Edit: I don't think you really need to put any more proof towards it being a scam profile, despite how much GBS loves chat logs.
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Jan 5, 2009 01:14
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Chat logs? E/N in GBS? You need to lurk some more.
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Jan 5, 2009 01:15
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I like your writing style, OP. Pretty funny, but I have no advice for you. Unless you wanted to go 419 buster style and have her/him hold a sign up saying something wacky.
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Jan 5, 2009 01:16
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I asked around and was told that GBS with a help tag would be the place to go with it. As soon as the first image after the profile got to me I was pretty confident she was fake. So The help I need is how to string her along for a bit longer. I have seen a few fakes on OKC recently.
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Jan 5, 2009 01:18
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Tell her you can wire the money to her IP address, walk her through the process of how to figure it out and post the results here.
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Jan 5, 2009 01:18
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Thanks for letting us know you're an idiot.
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Jan 5, 2009 01:19
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This happened to me. It's totally legitimate, and she's a hell of a lay. I say go for it.
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Jan 5, 2009 01:21
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Thanks woodchuck. I have tried to get her to take pics that cant be faked like kidnapping victims do or terrorists. She claims her camera is busted. Not sure they even have cameras of the Coast of Africa?
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Jan 5, 2009 01:23
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Altarran posted:Thanks woodchuck. You are awesome.
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Jan 5, 2009 01:28
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Jan 5, 2009 01:31
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Send her a p-p-p-powerbook.
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Jan 5, 2009 01:31
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Altarran posted:Just so you know Damon is the name of a Wicked cool character I played in a tabletop RPG!!! Yes, I am a geek. More so because the full name is Damon Matthews (Matt Damon). I needed a name quick, so sue me) You picked the wrong name my friend,
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Jan 5, 2009 01:33
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That or send her a list of things you want to do back to her in your lifetime. I'm sure the gewny goons would have no problem with providing you a list of unique and interesting things to send to her. 1. I want to poo poo on your chest while staring into your eyes. 2. I want to gently caress your sister with a hot exhaust pipe... ect.
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Jan 5, 2009 01:35
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Raere posted: You rear end. 
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Jan 5, 2009 01:36
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Try and get her on a phone call and record it. Send her on a wild goose chase to random western unions.
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Jan 5, 2009 01:38
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ZeeBoi posted:
Pffft, :regd01: Edit: Damnit, no 2001 emoticon.
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Jan 5, 2009 01:39
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belt posted:Try and get her on a phone call and record it. Send her on a wild goose chase to random western unions. DO THIS, the is a great idea!
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Jan 5, 2009 01:40
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Block her and flag the profile as fake?
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Jan 5, 2009 01:41
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I dunno man. She wants to go rollerskating and share a plate of spaghetti. Are 2 g's not worth those everlasting memories?
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Jan 5, 2009 01:43
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quote:"Have our first fight, make up and feel a stronger bond because we very successfully weathered the storm - together. quote:Marry you. quote:Marry you. Send her ALL your money now!
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Jan 5, 2009 01:45
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I was able to find a better picture of your international 'girlfriend' Click here for the full 500x750 image.
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Jan 5, 2009 01:47
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gi- posted:I was able to find a better picture of your international 'girlfriend' hahahaha nicely done
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Jan 5, 2009 01:48
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gi- posted:I was able to find a better picture of your international 'girlfriend'
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Jan 5, 2009 01:49
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Oh this thread just got fun as gently caress. Photoshop a different face on there and send it to her, saying it's your ex.
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Jan 5, 2009 01:50
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gently caress, OP. This bitch is hot send her the loving money.
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Jan 5, 2009 01:52
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gi- When she gets here you get the first crack at her...Guantanamo style. Awesome find. If I had realized she was a model it would have all made sense to me. The blocks fall into place. I am selling my house boat to get the money now. I will also look into getting her number and recording a call somehow.
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Jan 5, 2009 01:52
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magnificent7 posted:Oh this thread just got fun as gently caress. Photoshop a different face on there and send it to her, saying it's your ex. Keep the head, change the body. The head is really the only recognizable feature.
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Jan 5, 2009 01:53
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Say that you bought round trip tickets but, you need an address so the shuttle knows where to pick her up at.
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Jan 5, 2009 01:53
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belt posted:Try and get her on a phone call and record it. Send her on a wild goose chase to random western unions. This! Tell her you're ready to send her money but you just want to hear her beautiful voice  druglife posted:Say that you bought round trip tickets but, you need an address so the shuttle knows where to pick her up at. Yes do this. Tell her instead of sending her money you're sending her tickets as a surprise, and that they should be here tomorrow! \/ Some of us do. Scamming scammers is fun
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Jan 5, 2009 02:00
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Yeah... no one cares you tried to have a bit of fun with a scammer. E: Actually I'd like to see your profile since said scammer must have thought you were an easy target. Mr. G fucked around with this message at 02:03 on Jan 5, 2009 |
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Jan 5, 2009 02:01
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Make up some story of why you need money and try scamming her. Obviously it won't work but it will be funny.
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Jan 5, 2009 02:03
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Mr. G posted:Yeah... no one cares you tried to have a bit of fun with a scammer. But it's wicked cool fun or some such poo poo.
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Jan 5, 2009 02:05
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I am an easy target. Talk to me sexy and I am totally yours. I will even cook you spaghetti in the rain while we dance. Wouldn't be the first time. Getting the call might be tough cause they are off the coast of Africa and this really isn't worth an international call to me but I will see if she will call me. I am currently leaning towards telling her I saw the price of tickets and it was 3k so I used my frequent flyer miles to get some tickets. I think I will let her know this at the end of a long uncomfortably weird e-mail.
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Jan 5, 2009 02:09
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Altarran posted:I am currently leaning towards telling her I saw the price of tickets and it was 3k so I used my frequent flyer miles to get some tickets. I think I will let her know this at the end of a long uncomfortably weird e-mail. This sounds promising, how soon does (s)he usually take to reply?
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Jan 5, 2009 02:11
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Ok, I like this sort of stuff. Consider me 
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Jan 5, 2009 02:17
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Altarran posted:I think I will let her know this at the end of a long uncomfortably weird e-mail. So business as usual.
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Jan 5, 2009 02:17
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Altarran posted:I am currently leaning towards telling her I saw the price of tickets and it was 3k so I used my frequent flyer miles to get some tickets. The only problem is that this strategy doesn't require any actual time-wasting effort for the scammer. The Western Union runaround seems like it would be more effective - at least then you would know that the scammer would be driving all over the place, getting more and more frustrated, chasing a payoff that will never happen.
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Jan 5, 2009 02:21
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