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Hey goons, I think I might have ADHD brain. Sorry for the wall of text, especially in the context of the ADHD thread, but there is a lot I wanted to put down here. This past year I’ve done a lot of investigating into various mysterious health issues I have, starting with trying to look into a consistent hand tremor that has varied in intensity but is tied to a feeling of tenseness and anxiety that tends to follow me around, which I wanted to address also. At first I had thought it was a thyroid issue, but after getting blood work done last year that didn’t show anything abnormal, I started more seriously thinking about other potential causes, which led me to different mental health disorders and finally to ADHD. I know that a few years ago, my mom was diagnosed with ADHD as an adult, and started taking medication for it, but recently she mentioned that she thought that my dad was afflicted with it as well, which is a good indicator by itself. So, I thought back on my own life and a lot of things in it started to make a lot more sense. To start with, I have always had a big problem with forgetfulness. I will very easily forget just about anything, especially tasks or what I’ve done earlier, even if just moments before. Objects get misplaced, left behind, or entirely lost because I can’t remember where I put them, or if I even had them with me at all. Names are, of course, forgotten multiple times, unless I write them down. When I was in school, exams were a nightmare because I would always feel that the information had left me — even if I studied a lot, it was as if it had been swept away when the exam came around. All of that made me incredibly harsh on myself — which I still am, honestly — and made me a terrible student. Memory retention problems continue to plague me to this day, most frustratingly with reading: I want so much to read a book or poem or essay and remember the words and phrases used, and recall the points that were made later on, but I often have such a hard time doing so. It’s like sand through my fingers, sometimes. Often I will read a page and immediately realize that I don’t know what I just read. Also, my mind races incessantly. From the moment I wake up in the morning, until I go to sleep at night, there is generally a non-stop chattering monologue going on in my brain of random thoughts, observations, self-criticism, etc. It gets overwhelming, especially in the morning when I’ve just woken up and already feel that I can’t face the pressure of the day. I have had a long history of depression, and had chalked up the overwhelming feeling to that, but the presence of ADHD as an underlying cause would make a lot sense there as well (and ADHD/anxiety/depression seem to be co-morbid). Truly I feel that this racing mind exhausts me more than any physical effort by the end of each day, and often I feel tired without having done much physically. This also, I think, contributes the most to my feelings of tenseness and anxiety throughout the day, and the shakiness they seem to cause. Finally, to expand on feeling overwhelmed, I love to plan out complex ideas and systems but get very easily overwhelmed when it comes to actually executing it. Even a relatively simple plan or system or whatever can make me totally overwhelmed because I feel like there is so much to face all of a sudden. I find myself getting tense and anxious even at easy things like paying bills or getting out of bed or literally answering a single email or text message, not to mention more in-depth plans like cleaning the apartment or drawing/writing/etc. When I actually do force myself to start doing whatever it is, it seems to be fine, though keeping sustained effort is not easy. TL;DR: My mom (and likely dad) was diagnosed with ADHD, I think I have it too. Problems with forgetfulness/misplacing things/can’t retain information, mind races aimlessly throughout the day which makes me tense/anxious, easily overwhelmed by things that need to get done and anxiety about starting to do things, often tough to sustain effort. What do you all think?
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Mar 31, 2018 16:49
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I guess my brain is (more) broken — I don't feel like I ever get hyperfocus periods. Probably because my sadbrains/anxiety prevent me from focusing on even things I ostensibly enjoy.  The unfinished projects element of ADHD is I think the most frustrating for me — I've left a huge, endless pile of unfinished projects and plans in my wake and it sucks to never be able to keep myself motivated/productive enough to finish anything.Anyway, I went to the doctor yesterday to ask about (amongst other things) getting tested for ADHD, and have been given a referral to a psychiatrist, so hopefully I'm on my way to getting this thing diagnosed finally. She also suggested that I check out bio/neurofeedback as a way to helping with both anxiety and ADHD, and gave me the names of some people who do it; has anyone tried either, and are they legit/helpful?
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May 15, 2018 21:52
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Mechafunkzilla posted:I don't like to keep harping on the "hyperfocus" thing but I really dislike the term. It doesn't describe what's actually happening, which is more about a failure to prioritize focus. ADHD does not cause people to focus more intensely, it's just harder to shift their focus to things that are important but less immediately engaging. Barkley's videos are excellent, I'm glad this thread led me to them. I noticed, actually, that in his 2012 lecture he goes into detail about how the modern psych tests used in diagnosis are a really bad way to diagnose ADHD, as opposed to rating scales. This is relevant to me because I've been seeing a psychologist about being tested for ADHD and she thinks we should definitely go forward with it, so I am about to schedule it; is it a waste of time, and should I be foregoing testing altogether if it doesn't actually correlate with how ADHD manifests in real life? I'm conflicted because I feel like I am the closest I've been to sussing all of this out, but I don't want to do it if it's not going to help and may, in fact, be entirely misleading.
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Sep 6, 2018 00:29
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Hypnolobster posted:How do I read a book that I'm genuinely interested in without realizing 6 pages later that while reading, I was thinking about something unrelated. Holy poo poo, this. It drives me crazy and makes me question if I even enjoy reading as much as I used to. I'll sit down with a book I ostensibly am excited to read, and multiple times a page my thoughts will have wandered off and I won't know what I've read, or I'll get distracted by someone walking outside a window or by some random sound or flashing light or clock or something. Then queue the self interrogation about why I can't focus or anxiety about the same, and I won't retain what I've read. I feel like I barely remember information from articles or books these days and it's incredibly depressing because I want to learn and remember these things so much, but I feel like I can't. Something else I've discovered about myself that may be ADHD or may just be anxiety is: I get so easily overwhelmed by the most mundane daily tasks. Does anyone else have this? Things that should be straightforward become totally overwhelming and seem like they'll never be overcome. A good example is shaving: For example, I'll be getting ready in the morning, and I shave with a DE safety razor and brush so it takes about 30 minutes start to finish. I'll prep everything and start, but as I go (my mind wandering all over as per usual), I get this sense of dread at how much is left to do, and all of the things that still need to be done after that, and get really tense and anxious. Rationally, I know to just take it one step at a time and that I have plenty of time, but my brain/body just increasingly wants to be free of what I'm having to do. I feel warm, I start to sweat, my hands shake which makes shaving harder and makes me more anxious, and when I'm done I feel really tense. It's ridiculous and silly. This happens with a ton of things, where I'll try to focus and get more and more overwhelmed and anxious. Usually in these situations my brain kind of shuts down and I try to brute force my way out of whatever I'm doing as quickly as possible which never ends well. This anxiousness even affects things I think I enjoy, like drawing or writing. It's so bizarre, and leaves me with the deep feeling that I am totally unequipped to deal with daily life. Meditation has helped with this to an extent, but it's hard to keep the mindset I have when meditating throughout the day. Sorry for the sudden word avalanche. 
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Sep 14, 2018 22:25
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artsy fartsy posted:Same exact problem, including getting worse over the years. I have the opposite situation with regards to audio; I have such a hard time paying attention to spoken word. I'll start listening, then inevitably my mind wanders off or I get distracted by something and I've totally lost track of what is being said. It makes things like poetry readings a frustrating exercise in trying to keep up and figure out what was/is being said. At least with written stuff, I can go back to where I was, but with spoken word I've been left behind at that point.  Related, but I absolutely have to write something down or I'll forget it. Names, especially; for whatever reason, if I don't see them written down or write them myself they are immediately forgotten. Reading out loud seems like a nice idea though, I'll have to try it out.
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Sep 29, 2018 14:41
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How do you guys chase away the demons when you want to actually do things? I've got a 4 day weekend due to Thanksgiving and I want to do some things, both things I need to get done but also some stuff I just genuinely want to do (I think). But, it's so hard to actually start doing things. I don't even have many things I want to get done, but I already feel overwhelmed just thinking about it; it's ridiculous. It's like I am literally paralyzed when the time comes to actually do the stuff I've planned in my head, even if it's something I'm supposed to enjoy.
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Nov 22, 2018 22:03
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So, after a year of investigating, going to various doctors, a psychiatrist, and then a psychologist for testing, I've finally been (re)diagnosed with ADHD, combined type, along with co-morbid anxiety and depression. Discussing the findings with the psych mostly just confirmed things I already suspected, but also added a few new eye-opening things, such as apparently I am much more distractable and impulsive in response to auditory stimuli than with visual ones; something I wasn't entirely aware of, but makes a lot of sense in retrospect given the media I tend to prefer/avoid. In any case, it feels good to have a diagnosis to point to now, and it's nice to see some concrete forward progress with this whole thing. I called the psychiatrist I had been referred to last year to set up an appointment for discussing options regarding medication today, and I'm looking forward to getting the ball rolling on that. Excellent timing really, what with the last couple of pages being about medchat. It's a bit dismaying thinking about how long it's going to take to settle on something that works and getting the right dosage, and I have to say I am a bit nervous about the idea of taking meds, but being able to finally actually do things and even finish them will make it all worth it I think. I'm so tired of being overwhelmed and distracted all the time. One thing I am a bit concerned about is how meds will interact with the anxiety I nearly always have, given that most ADHD meds seem to be stimulants. That said, I have a feeling that the ADHD symptoms themselves are a main cause/catalyst of the anxiety, so paradoxically even a stimulant ADHD med might make me less anxious. Only one way to find out I guess.
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Mar 29, 2019 23:28
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Update: I met with my psychiatrist yesterday morning and he prescribed me a month trial amount of Adderall IR, 10mg dose, twice daily. Here's a bunch of words about it, with actually important questions in bold. Wow, the change is indescribable (except to y'all, that is). When I first took it, I was trying to figure out if it was doing anything or not, because I didn't notice much. (I guess that means it's working as intended, because I haven't felt buzzed or high or anything.) Over a couple of hours, though, I kept noticing things that really started to add up and it dawned on me that things were really, very different from before. I live in the city, and was on the train that I always take downtown, and it was as noisy and chaotic as always, the train was rumbling and jostling back and forth, people were chatting loudly everywhere, and for maybe the first time ever, I was totally calm and wasn't getting overwhelmed by chaos of stimuli demanding my attention. I just looked out the window and it was so nice. In general, it feels like what was previously the world's most energetic orchestra playing nonstop in my head has quieted, and there's actually room in there to think. (Or, even more impressively, not think!) I did feel some euphoria yesterday, though it's hard to say how much was my brain saying hello to dopamine and norepinephrine for the first time and how much was just how amazing it was to operate freely in the world. I felt a profound feeling of courage too, like for the first time in my life I could just choose to do something, anything, and not have to fight myself tooth and nail every second of doing stuff. Amazing. One issue I've had, though, is: I didn't sleep for poo poo last night. I got, I think, 2 or maybe 3 hours of sleep altogether. I didn't feel stressed or anything, just endlessly awake (despite being physically tired). Did you guys have insomnia the first night you were on a (stimulant) ADHD medication? I'm really hoping that it was just a combination of my body being totally unprepared for the kind of stimulants it's suddenly on, and that tonight/tomorrow I'll do comparatively better and get used to it.  As a result of last night's inability to sleep, I definitely feel like crap today. It seems like the meds aren't working as well as they did yesterday either, but for now I'm chalking that up to sleep deprivation loving everything up. Even so, though I feel less focused/calm than yesterday, I still think it's an improvement over average days prior to medication, so I'm pretty certain they're working. Hell, the fact that I've written this dissertation here in one sitting is proof enough. One last question for you all: I'm trying to figure out how to time these IR doses going forward to fit my needs. They allegedly last 4-6 hours, and that seems accurate anecdotally from yesterday. For whatever reason, I'm always tense as hell when I first wake up, my mind racing and what not, so it's important to me that I can calm the gently caress down and focus first thing in the morning. But, I work afternoons/evenings, from 1pm until about 9 or 10pm, so I also need to feel focused enough to work throughout that time. I think it's going to be tough to hit both of those, but I'm experimenting with doing 9am/3pm doses for now. People doing IR-type drugs, do you generally do two doses per day, or is 3 a common enough thing? From your experience, does the extended-release version do a better job long term than two IR doses?
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Apr 5, 2019 02:12
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Tab8715 posted:I take 5MG in the morning of Adderall IR. I kind of wish it would last longer but having it slow down in the afternoon is fine. So you do one dose per day, then? How does that affect your evenings, generally? One thing that I'm sort of concerned about is a return to anxiety and restlessness in the hours after the meds wear off each day, as it seems the balancing act that the meds do dissipates my anxious/overwhelmed feelings. That unnerves me in a way though because I can completely understand how someone could get very dependent on the relief these things provide. The hobbies that I like, such as drawing, reading books, etc, all require a good deal of focus as well (my lack of ability to stay focused on these things I supposedly enjoy was a major reason for seeking help, in fact), so it would be unfortunate to not be able to enjoy focusing on a book in the evening, for instance. It's really encouraging that you say being on meds changes you for the better even during the "down-time" between doses. If that means I can sort of coast on the residual effects for the rest of the evening and still be functioning okay mentally, I'll be quite content indeed.
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Apr 5, 2019 02:53
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Sleep Report, Second Night: Still lovely, but not quite as bad as the first night was. I ended up getting, I think, 4 or maybe 5 disjointed hours in the end, compared to the 2-3 I got the first night. It is taking forever to actually fall asleep, though. I still feel like crap generally but less so than yesterday, so that's good I guess. It seems like both nights I've been able to finally drift to sleep about 12 hours after my last IR dose of the day, so today I took Tab8715's advice and stuck with a single 10mg dose, at 11am. It's been fine but by now it has worn off and the lack of focus is a bit bothersome since I'm at work for another 3 hours. I just hope it translates to actual sleep tonight. I'm still holding out hope that my body is just adjusting to being on a stimulant and that it'll get sorted in the coming days. My 10mg Adderall dosage seems like it's working perfectly while active, but if lowering the dose ends up being a path to restful nights I might experiment with 2x 5mg doses as well and see how I feel on that. I should really get checked out for a sleep disorder regardless though I suppose, since as far back as I can remember I've never gotten a great night's sleep, always waking up at least a couple times each night even before meds. Keret fucked around with this message at 01:19 on Apr 6, 2019 |
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Apr 6, 2019 00:56
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BoneMonkey posted:Yeah give it two weeks and I reckon you will go to sleep as normal. Your brain is probably keeping you awake because you are thinking about whether you would sleep or not on the meds. That's encouraging. I'll have to see what happens. The feeling I've had the last three nights is identical to the occasional times before meds where I'd need to get up early for something and just ruminate endlessly in bed. Like, I am lying there with my eyes closed but I am hyper aware of every sound and every thought racing through my brain. Usually following my breath with zazen meditation while in bed helps calm my brain down, but no luck this time. Last night didn't go so well unfortunately. I had hoped one 10mg dose at 11am would translate to sleeping earlier, by midnight or so, but I just ended up tossing and turning, hyper-aware again, until like 3am. The problem this time is that I have to get up at 5am on Saturdays so yet again I've barely gotten any sleep. Hard to say how much sleep I would have gotten had I been able to sleep in, maybe it would have been a decent amount? I also noticed last night that I've developed a weird patch of like, raw inflamed skin around my armpits, I guess from sweating more than usual and moving all day with my shirt rubbing against my skin. It doesn't itch at all and it's localized so I don't think it's an allergic reaction. I guess my body is just falling apart from being sleep deprived for the last two days. I decided this morning to dial the dose back and cut a tablet in half, to do 2 5mg doses for today and see how that changes things. I have to say I'm not very impressed with how I'm functioning on 5mg, but again that could be due to being continually sleep deprived rather than it not being an adequate dosage. Fingers crossed for better sleep tonight, otherwise I guess I have no choice but to stop taking it tomorrow; sleep is too important.
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Apr 6, 2019 20:29
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artsy fartsy posted:I got this last summer when I worked a physical job outdoors. If it's not super bad yet you can probably treat it with over-the-counter rash cream, and a small amount of diaper cream can prevent it getting worse or coming back. Take care of it asap--mine got steadily worse until I actually had to take a dang antibiotic to clear it up. Turns out they were just hella chafed, it cleared up pretty fast. Things seem to be leveling out with meds, I think? I've been sleeping fine since Saturday which is nice. I've noticed, though, that since the euphoria phase of the meds passed, I've been pretty anxious the past few days, for various reasons (that drat Climate Change D&D thread is going to take years off of my life alone). It's frustrating seeing my anxiety come back, but even so it feels more manageable than it did before. Meditation continues to help a ton in that regard. More worryingly, though, is that with the return of anxiousness I've started to have these random, fleeting, minor aches in the left side of my chest. I got a more prominent one (but still not really painful) in the same spot last night which carried over into this morning and made me a bit scared. I occasionally used to get these same short chest aches before meds as well though, and well before being diagnosed I went to a cardiologist and had a bunch of tests done, got a 48hr holter monitor, went in for an Echo/Doppler ultrasound of my heart, and he said everything looked ship shape except for some premature beats here and there. So, as far as I know my heart is fine. I'm assuming it's either dehydration, or related to my anxiety, or both. In any case, I called my psychiatrist this morning and he thinks it's a skeletomuscular issue and not worrying; he didn't think I needed to stop medication. I'm going to chat with the cardiologist soon and go in for a checkup with my physician, though I can't get in there until May 2nd. Also, I really miss regular coffee you guys. Not even for the caffeine, just the flavor. Decaf tastes like nothing. ADHD is a pain in the
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Apr 12, 2019 03:01
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So I've been taking Adderall IR (10mg) for a month now and I think my body has adjusted, more or less. I feel a bit more on edge, physically, and it can be difficult to fully relax my body which is problematic when meditating, but seems generally manageable. My anxiety, although back, doesn't seem worse than it was before meds. Adderall at the dosage I'm currently on definitely seems to be doing its intended job (I tried 5mg for a day and it didn't feel like it was doing very much); focus is not an issue anymore. That said, though Adderall IR feels manageable, I wonder if it's worth looking into something that might be a bit more gentle. Have any of you found the extended-release version, or Vyvanse, to be similar in effectiveness but less intense? It seems, from the last couple of pages, that people experience Vyvanse and Adderall quite differently. I could perhaps try Ritalin/Concerta in the future too, but again from what people have posted here it seems like people who do well on Adderall don't typically do well on the methylphenidate ones? I'm curious about how each generic differs for people, too. I picked up my first prescription (generic amphetamine salts) from a pharmacy near the psych's office, but I'd rather start getting it from the different pharmacy near my home, which might carry a different generic. Guess I'll just try it and give a trip report.  BoneMonkey posted:Take a day or 2 off. Its good for you, and you will soon remember. I'm really conflicted about this, as well. On the one hand, I don't want to build up tolerance to the meds if I can help it, since even at 10mg it has noticeable but slight effects on my heart rate/tenseness. But on the other hand, I'm a neurotic, distracted mess off-meds, and the prospect of giving up any ability to function and do things without intense struggle/anxiety on weekends, the only days I have time for personal projects, sounds awful.
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May 2, 2019 21:40
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Mechafunkzilla posted:I found Adderall XR and Vyvanse much harsher than Adderall IR, but it varies person to person. You might try breaking the pills in half and spacing our your doses in different ways. You might also want to try progressive body relaxation exercises if you're already used to meditation. Good to know (as well as the info from other goons in the thread), thanks. I'll stick with Adderall IR for now then, and see what happens. The body relaxation exercises seem like a solid option, do you have anything in particular that you suggest? BoneMonkey posted:This thought process was the root cause of my depression. I'm gonna guess that you are judging yourself by the standards you set at your best. The problem with that is, for you and me, our best is set by our hyperfocus, and that is an unreasonable standard for anyone to keep to. You need off days and if you don't plan them out, your body will take them for you, via stress and/or depression. These are good points, and encouraging ones, thank you. I am pretty brutally self-critical and my standards are quite high which has caused a lot of anxiety and depression in the past. I should remind myself that I'm not a machine now, in any case. I'll take it slow and see what days without meds feel like now. I hope that, perhaps, by undoing bad habits and thinking from the past while I'm on meds, in addition to building better habits and thought patterns and working to be more calm day-to-day, being off meds for a day or two at at time will be more manageable than it used to be. Mechafunkzilla posted:For myself, I only take meds when I'm working and try to rely on other tools and strategies the rest of the time. It would be a good idea, I think, for me to do the same thing. Have you found that after being on meds for a while, it sort of bleeds over into your off-med days in terms of how you're able to approach things and function? Or do you find that off-med days are pretty much the same as they were before meds?
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May 4, 2019 01:33
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Mechafunkzilla posted:Headspace has a bunch, and it's a good app in general if you want to get into mindfulness which is great for coping with ADHD. Honestly you can just search "progressive relaxation" on youtube and you'll get about a million, just try stuff out and see what works for you. Headspace sounds useful, I'll check it out, thanks! I'm a practicing Buddhist actually, so I'm all about mindfulness; it's the best non-med route that I can think of to dealing with a lot of the problems ADHD presents, but ironically I feel like ADHD itself has been a barrier to developing mindfulness, as focus and concentration are quite important for both meditating and maintaining mindfulness through the day. So it goes. What you've mentioned about self-compassion and understanding after going on meds speaks to me as well; it was very healing to see first-hand that what I endlessly gnashed my teeth over — thinking I was just lazy or incapable — was something outside of my control. And I do already feel a lot more confident in my abilities to do things, which I hope I can keep in mind when I take days off of meds. Knowing what is and isn't an ADHD symptom should be helpful as well in identifying other things, like anxiety symptoms, which I can work out separately. Knobb Manwich posted:I find on my days off I'm pretty much the same capacity as before meds, higher if anything as I'm not as depressed/anxious as usual. I've also had a bunch of days to plan and organise stuff so that my day off is better prepared/supported, so I get more done than completely unmedicated. Good habits established do carry over, but it isn't magic and takes more effort. Using the medicated weekdays to plan ahead and prepare to make the off-days less rough is a great strategy that I'll need to put into place. Hopefully I can use the inertia and habits I form while on meds to help buoy myself through the off-days. Well, that and just accepting that I shouldn't expect too much from myself on days that I'm not medicated. I was thinking about the last thing as well; there are certain things, like day-long meditation at the zen practice center I go to, or reading a dense book, or drawing, that I would really benefit from medication with. The problem with this is that I can then just easily justify reasons to do this all the time, and then I'm back to square one.  Thanks for the help, goons!
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May 4, 2019 20:32
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| # ¿ Apr 28, 2024 03:37 |
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ADD Goons posted:We want to do things and we don't get them done! I'm also a member of this club. I've been hemming and hawing regarding writing a bunch of words about dealing with the triple-threat of ADHD/Anxiety/Depression and how hard it is to stay on top of everything, but of course I never get around to it. At least we've got solidarity, I guess.   Here's the short paragraph version: I've discovered since being diagnosed how vital (in my case) it is to have a lot of room to breathe, so to speak, so I don't get constantly overwhelmed and trigger my anxiety/nervousness. To me this means: 1) Slow the gently caress down — like really a lot, I mean 25% speed here — and pare down my day-to-day activities/goals to the minimum 2) Have a rigid, predictable schedule to the extent I can manage. My weekdays are inverted from the norm, as I work afternoons/evenings. So I've been trying to put together a coherent morning routine for myself. I've noticed that my ADHD triggers anxiety in really lovely ways in the morning, because my mind races before I've fully woken up and I get overwhelmed by what needs to get done during the day, before I've even started. I'm hoping that by doing the same few things every morning, I don't have to lose my mind in indecision all the drat time. Results have been pretty mixed so far. I'm having to accept that I have no idea how long things take to do, and I habitually overplan and try to do too much, so I'm still late all the time which is frustrating. I'm trying to be compassionate to myself about it, but it's tough. Mechafunkzilla posted:Google Keep and Google Calendar are essential for keeping my life organized. The fact that they're on my phone -- that is, something that I'm constantly looking at anyway -- is what makes it work. It eliminates the nasty problem of having to remember to use the tools that help you to remember things that makes coping with ADHD so tricky sometimes. In the same way, keeping a little A6 pocket notebook that I use for Bullet Journaling has been really helpful for me. Having a structure to lean on is absolutely essential with ADHD brain, it turns out. I still use Keep/GCal as a back up for when I forget to write things down, but I've found that in my case, technology (and my phone more than anything) really encourages the worst, most restless and distracted parts of ADHD in my brain and as a result I'm trying to distance myself from them as much as possible and go analog. Hard to do with ADHD though, since I misplace things a lot. So it goes!
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Aug 30, 2019 21:01
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