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xzzy
Mar 5, 2009

At that speed you could skate the length of the rink in 3.7 seconds, and probably die from hitting the boards.

McDavid's been clocked at 24.8 mph during a game, so check the mailbox for your nhl contract.

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Henrik Zetterberg
Dec 7, 2007

Oh yeah, our goalie was super drunk for that game. Shots were even and we lost 7-3. Good poo poo.

Kevlar v2.0
Dec 25, 2003

=^•⩊•^=

I fell down like five times in today's game, but I still had a blast and I think the reason I'm falling down more now than I used to is because I'm being more aggressive instead of shying away from contact like I did previously.

Bootcha
Nov 13, 2012

Truly, the pinnacle of goaltending
Grimey Drawer

Henrik Zetterberg posted:

Oh yeah, our goalie was super drunk for that game. Shots were even and we lost 7-3. Good poo poo.

Tell him to get drunk on something else, as whatever he's drinking isn't working.

Thufir
May 19, 2004

"The fucking Mayans were right."
lol turns out we forfeit our game last night because our dickhead ringer didn't pay his league fees.

Henrik Zetterberg
Dec 7, 2007

Bootcha posted:

Tell him to get drunk on something else, as whatever he's drinking isn't working.

He's also old and really fat.

sellouts
Apr 23, 2003

I wonder how fast the overspeed training flung us down the ice

Bootcha
Nov 13, 2012

Truly, the pinnacle of goaltending
Grimey Drawer

Henrik Zetterberg posted:

He's also old and really fat.

Then some experimentation will help. Unlike skaters, a drunk goalie can play better with the right combination of alcohols. For me, if I want to get drunk before a game and play well, I'll have a couple of shots of Wild Turkey and two pints of Dos. I do not drink this combination at any other time in my life, but if I want to get shitcanned and play well, that's my weapon of choice.

I suggest working from the bottom up: Old Crow and Nattys.

prom candy
Dec 16, 2005

Only I may dance
We signed up a team of 13 skaters and the league added 2 more, gently caress offffffff

edit: what app is that?

Henrik Zetterberg
Dec 7, 2007

Hockey Tracker for Apple Watch.

prom candy
Dec 16, 2005

Only I may dance
Sweet thanks, my mom just started playing and she has an Apple Watch, she'd probably love that.

communist kangaroo
Oct 2, 2006

those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well, i have koalas.
the app reports extra shifts for me because my heart speeds up when i think about cheeseburgers while im on the bench

sellouts
Apr 23, 2003

You ate seven cheeseburgers? Randy, you promised me this would never happen again

Bootcha
Nov 13, 2012

Truly, the pinnacle of goaltending
Grimey Drawer
Do double cheeseburgers count as one or two?

Verman
Jul 4, 2005
Third time is a charm right?

Bootcha posted:

Do double cheeseburgers count as one or two?

Should only count as 1.5 because its not like you're eating twice the bread/condiments. The bread is what really throws it over the edge.

Bootcha
Nov 13, 2012

Truly, the pinnacle of goaltending
Grimey Drawer
Do cheese slices have any effect on the ratio? Like can I get a triple cheeseburger with one slice of cheese and stay under 2.0? Or is a single cheeseburger with 3 cheese slices considered over 2.0?

xzzy
Mar 5, 2009

It correlates with the price of cheese. If a cheeseburger is 10 cents more expensive than a hamburger, it's negligible. If it's a dollar for cheese and you slap three slices on that bad boy, you are in big trouble.

communist kangaroo
Oct 2, 2006

those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well, i have koalas.

sellouts posted:

You ate seven cheeseburgers? Randy, you promised me this would never happen again

Gut Cassidy and the Sundance Cheeseburger

Bootcha
Nov 13, 2012

Truly, the pinnacle of goaltending
Grimey Drawer
What isn't a cheeseburger?

Bootcha
Nov 13, 2012

Truly, the pinnacle of goaltending
Grimey Drawer
A Whataburger patty melt, that's what. That counts as 3.

Henrik Zetterberg
Dec 7, 2007

Man we have the worst loving refs at my rink.

Things escalated throughout the game due to dumb calls and lots of more non-calls. I had a breakaway with 4 mins left in a tie game. I’m about to put a move on the goalie and I get checked from behind, fall awkwardly and end up twisting my ankle pretty badly and sliding feet-first into the boards. I end up having to get dragged off the ice for the first time in my illustrious beer league career.

Other dude gets ejected and has an incoming suspension which is fine and dandy, but man, I hate it when refs don’t control the game and poo poo ends up escalating into an injury. Now I’m on the couch for the next couple days.

Also, it helps a lot to have firefighters and paramedics on the team, even if they only show up 25% of the time.

Henrik Zetterberg fucked around with this message at 16:05 on Oct 16, 2018

Henrik Zetterberg
Dec 7, 2007

And on a positive note, I scored 2 shorties in one shift.

For the second one, there was a big scramble in front of the net and the puck was sitting in the crease with an open net. I lean forward to poke it in, and I get hit from behind (see a theme yet?), and I end up going airborne, head-first into the net. While I’m mid air, the puck ends up popping straight up and going off my helmet and into the net with me. It probably shouldn’t have counted but it was rad as hell celebrating a soccer-style header goal in the net behind an angry goalie.

Henrik Zetterberg fucked around with this message at 18:31 on Oct 16, 2018

xzzy
Mar 5, 2009

I got complimented on my defense the other day. It started with "you're not very fast, but..."

:suicide:

Thufir
May 19, 2004

"The fucking Mayans were right."
Pretty fun game last night. One of our normal D was out so I played back but got paired with our captain who is not great. One of the other D warned me before that I'd probably need to spend all my time watching for his bad pinches and turnovers and that was basically true. It was still a lot of fun though. Gave up one goal defending a guy 1v1 on the rush when he tried to make a move around me, put the puck off my skates, and it deflected 5 hole :suicide: The only other goal against while I was out was because my D partner decided to wave his stick at a puck over head height and deflected it perfectly into our own net, can't do much but laugh at that.

Also I forgot my shoulder pads at home so of course I caught a high shot in the shoulder.

calandryll
Apr 25, 2003

Ask me where I do my best drinking!



Pillbug
Several years ago a team was started of completely learn to play guys. They have been pretty hacky since day one because no one on the team had ever played before they just slam sticks against you. We played them on Sunday night and I ended up taking a stick to the jaw/throat because a guy was wildly swinging his stick around. Luckily all I got is a nice bump on my jaw. Plenty of beer after the game helped I'm sure. At least we only play them 2 more times.

Kevlar v2.0
Dec 25, 2003

=^•⩊•^=

I scored twice today. The first I pickpocketed the opposing defenseman in the left circle and immediately went five-hole. The second was a one-timer on a perfect pass from a teammate. The coach for my Thursday classes was in net for the other team, so they were very satisfying.

Apparently a fight broke out during Friday's Rat Hockey session. I only play on Tuesdays, but according to some of the guys I talked to today, there's a guy who plays Fridays that has the nickname "Chopper" for a reason. Someone finally got sick of all his slashing and went after him.

bigbillystyle
Nov 11, 2003

We have Drive to Survive at home

Henrik Zetterberg posted:

Man we have the worst loving refs at my rink.

Things escalated throughout the game due to dumb calls and lots of more non-calls. I had a breakaway with 4 mins left in a tie game. I’m about to put a move on the goalie and I get checked from behind, fall awkwardly and end up twisting my ankle pretty badly and sliding feet-first into the boards. I end up having to get dragged off the ice for the first time in my illustrious beer league career.

Other dude gets ejected and has an incoming suspension which is fine and dandy, but man, I hate it when refs don’t control the game and poo poo ends up escalating into an injury. Now I’m on the couch for the next couple days.

Also, it helps a lot to have firefighters and paramedics on the team, even if they only show up 25% of the time.

I hate that poo poo. When the refs will let full on body checks and hooks go, then call some ticky tack interference or something as some weak attempt to gain control. But it only pisses people off even more because they aren't calling the obvious stuff but cracking down on poo poo that doesn't even have an impact on the play until it all spirals out of control and it ends up with injuries, ejections and suspensions. I understand the players have responsibility in this too but when rear end in a top hat players are given the green light to play like assholes it gets people pissed off. Combine with adrenaline and a contact sport poo poo is gonna escalate quickly unless you nip that poo poo in the bud.

YeehawMcKickass
Jan 2, 2003

WE WELCOME THE OPPRESSORS
Man, switching to goal has done wonders for my hockey popularity. I’m tending my D3 team, I’ve been in net for three of five for a D2 team, and I’ve subbed for a couple times for a different D1 teams. It’s strange and wonderful.

Edit: Has anyone in the Chicago area done either Rat or Stick/Puck at MB Ice? I'm off next Wednesday and thinking about hitting up the Stick/Puck. (gently caress the rat at 6:30am)

YeehawMcKickass fucked around with this message at 01:34 on Oct 18, 2018

bewbies
Sep 23, 2003

Fun Shoe
i got cleared by the doc to play again. my hip is still sore as gently caress but goddamit i'm gonna try

so i've decided to take up Ice Hockey again, does anyone have any tips or tricks

drizzle
Jul 7, 2004

The world is a fine place and worth the fighting for and I hate very much to leave it.
get a cool number like 69

doctor 7
Oct 10, 2003

In the grim darkness of the future there is only Oakley.

bewbies posted:

i got cleared by the doc to play again. my hip is still sore as gently caress but goddamit i'm gonna try

so i've decided to take up Ice Hockey again, does anyone have any tips or tricks

Focus on your game, work hard in the corners, pucks on net and dig deep.

Can't think of anything more generically useless than that

xzzy
Mar 5, 2009

shorter shifts you loving puck hog

drizzle
Jul 7, 2004

The world is a fine place and worth the fighting for and I hate very much to leave it.
some fng took a 4 minute shift last game with 3 d pairings available

xzzy
Mar 5, 2009

The core issue with that one is dressing for a game that has 6 defensive players.

Walk into a locker room and see that and https://i.imgur.com/zGHQb4O.gifv

Verman
Jul 4, 2005
Third time is a charm right?
Yeah gently caress 6 D.

calandryll
Apr 25, 2003

Ask me where I do my best drinking!



Pillbug
What if your entire team consists of defense? That's pretty much my team right now, all but 3 of us pretty much have only played defense. :lol:

Hockles
Dec 25, 2007

Resident of Camp Blood
Crystal Lake

bewbies posted:

i got cleared by the doc to play again. my hip is still sore as gently caress but goddamit i'm gonna try

so i've decided to take up Ice Hockey again, does anyone have any tips or tricks

Tell people you played Junior B.

drizzle
Jul 7, 2004

The world is a fine place and worth the fighting for and I hate very much to leave it.

calandryll posted:

What if your entire team consists of defense? That's pretty much my team right now, all but 3 of us pretty much have only played defense. :lol:

That would be sweet because then I could play wing and score some sick goals

Henrik Zetterberg
Dec 7, 2007

calandryll posted:

What if your entire team consists of defense? That's pretty much my team right now, all but 3 of us pretty much have only played defense. :lol:

Same here. We usually have 5-6 D. I know a lot of people hate it, but we have a lot of pure “gently caress no I’m not playing forward, that’s too much skating” old/lazy D-men.

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a mysterious cloak
Apr 5, 2003

Leave me alone, dad, I'm with my friends!


Played my first non-noob, play-for-trophies game in 20 years tonight (and after fighting bronchitis for 3 loving weeks).

First period: felt OK.

Second period: this is no longer fun and good, why am I doing this, I'm old and weak and I'll probably die.

Third period: got my second wind, felt better with the puck, made some decent plays, got an assist.

Won the game 3-1.

I'll be dead tomorrow but I grinned the whole way home.

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