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The best one-liner, in my opinion: Cancer continues losing battle against Lance Armstrong fake edit: Also, FDA Recalls 10,000 Condoms to See the Look on Men's Faces
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Mar 16, 2012 20:13
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Local Anorexic still way too fat Ask a man who's jowl-deep in Phyllis Diller's pussy I'm immature, I know, but I laughed till I cried at that one.
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Mar 16, 2012 20:24
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I love some of the Photo only ones as well. Caricaturists selfportrait extremely forgiving http://www.theonion.com/articles/caricaturists-selfportrait-extremely-forgiving,9887/ local man's body a really big temple http://www.theonion.com/articles/local-mans-body-a-really-big-temple,8834/ Man Listening To 'Highway To Hell' Actually On Parkway To Waukegan http://www.theonion.com/articles/man-listening-to-highway-to-hell-actually-on-parkw,8835/ Dying Baboon Pretty Low On Heart-Transplant List http://www.theonion.com/articles/dying-baboon-pretty-low-on-hearttransplant-list,9872/
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Mar 16, 2012 20:31
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I personally like I Appreciate the Muppets on a Much Deeper Level Than You. Really, they should have a lot more "columnist" articles, they are some of their best work.
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Mar 16, 2012 20:41
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qa6 posted:Even though it's not the most biting satire, I love how committed they are to this version of Biden. But you forgot the best one! Biden Invites Nation's Women To Tax Code Discussion At Private Mountain Chalet
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Mar 16, 2012 21:04
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Thought of another one - I'm a sucker for a good joke about The Most Dangerous Game. Maverick Hunter's 'Human Beings as Prey' Plan Not As Challenging As Expected: http://www.theonion.com/articles/maverick-hunters-human-beings-as-prey-plan-not-as,1878/
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Mar 16, 2012 21:38
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Everything written by Larry Groznic is gold, but my particular favorites: Now More Than Ever, Humanity Needs My Back To The Future Fan Fiction I Regret To Say Your Wedding Falls Square In The Middle Of The Prisoner Marathon Don't Come Crying To Me When You Need Someone Who Speaks Elvish
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Mar 16, 2012 22:27
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Dracula Factory posted:But you forgot the best one! Bounced Joe Biden Check Still Taped Up In Delaware Liquor Store  "Party Supplies" gets me every time.
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Mar 17, 2012 04:07
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Women's Rights? posted:Everything written by Larry Groznic is gold, but my particular favorites: When You Are Ready To Have A Serious Conversation About Green Lantern, You Have My E-Mail Address http://www.theonion.com/articles/when-you-are-ready-to-have-a-serious-conversation,16308/ This one? It exaggerates nothing.
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Mar 17, 2012 15:46
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You Know, I Used To Be Kind of Cool Once. Commentary by Sting. School Bully Not So Tough Since Being Molested Fat Kid Successfully Avoids Ridicule By Swimming With Shirt On Coheed and Camembert has a new favorite as of 16:37 on Mar 17, 2012 |
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Mar 17, 2012 16:22
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New Anti-Smoking Ads Warn Teens 'It's Gay To Smoke'
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Mar 17, 2012 16:51
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This doesn't work quite as well as the original on page cutout but it's still good: http://www.theonion.com/articles/the-israeli-conflict-is-far-too-nuanced-and-comple,11576/
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Mar 17, 2012 18:20
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What The Pfargtl posted:As a Hurricanes fan, I found this article hilarious: This is absolutely fantastic. The Onion's sports articles are always amazing, Heres a great one from 2011, though they could redo it this year with Charlotte. Kids In 'Scared-Straight' Program Visit Horrifying Cleveland Cavaliers Practice And my personal favourite onion article from this year, NBA Announces Supernatural Investigation Spin-Off ‘NBA Nights’ Ovo has a new favorite as of 20:08 on Mar 17, 2012 |
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Mar 17, 2012 18:35
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Everyone on Seahawks a Bad Secret Weapon
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Mar 17, 2012 19:02
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Ovo posted:And my personal favourite onion article from this year, NBA Announces Supernatural Investigation Spin-Off ‘NBA Nights’ My favorite on the year: Knicks Doctors Continue Carefully Reinjuring Carmelo Anthony's Groin.
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Mar 18, 2012 04:08
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Ominous Music Heard Throughout U.S. Sends Nation Into Panic God Angrily Clarifies 'Don't Kill' Rule (from September 2001)
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Mar 18, 2012 05:11
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New Live Poll Allows Pundits To Pander To Viewers In Real Time is my absolute favorite. All of the Duncan Birch segments are amazing, though, and that's why I like Is Pundit Duncan Birch A Worthless Idiot? a lot too.
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Mar 18, 2012 05:36
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Here's the entire post-9/11 issue, by the way
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Mar 18, 2012 05:43
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flatluigi posted:Here's the entire post-9/11 issue, by the way Bush Sr. Apologizes To Son For Funding Bin Laden In '80s Fantastic. 
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Mar 18, 2012 06:04
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I Enjoy Being a Battery!
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Mar 18, 2012 07:43
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Just remembered another one: Columbine Jocks Safely Resume Bullying The Onion is one of the few sites that can really nail dark humor.
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Mar 18, 2012 08:02
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Live-In Boyfriend Like The Deadbeat Dad Kids Never Had It's funny, I found that by searching for "propane".
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Mar 18, 2012 08:10
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Scientists Baffled By Man's Incredible Ability To gently caress Up Every Time Oh, and another great oldie: Hijackers Surprised To Find Selves In Hell Croisquessein has a new favorite as of 09:20 on Mar 18, 2012 |
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Mar 18, 2012 09:13
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http://www.theonion.com/articles/first-night-of-freedom-spent-alone-in-dorm-room,2509/
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Mar 18, 2012 09:19
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The Onion's sports articles are always fantastic and usually incredibly accurate in the details. I got the Ecstasy of Defeat for Christmas and haven't stopped laughing. Some of my favorites: Bill Belichick's Tears Eat Through Podium That contains my favorite line in Onion history: quote:As Belichick sloughed grotesquely into a liquid heap, he was reportedly heard to ask if this is what love is. NASCAR Cancels Remainder of Season Following David Foster Wallace's Death CC Sabathia, Prince Fielder Keep Imagining Each Other as Giant Talking Hot Dog, Hamburger NFL Meteorologists Warn Steaming Black-Guy Heads Occurring Later Every Year Someone earlier mentioned their constant portrayal of Tim Duncan as the world's most boring player. This is the best one: Tim Duncan Releases Decade Worth of Pent-Up Emotion After Spurs Preseason Loss
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Mar 18, 2012 15:15
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Definitely this one: Violence Against Women Linked To Burned Pot Roasts http://www.theonion.com/articles/violence-against-women-linked-to-burned-pot-roasts,840/ This is one of the first Onion articles I ever read, and vividly recall laughing loudly enough at work to raise a few eyebrows. Whenever I'm telling someone about The Onion and what it's about, this article sums up their satirical style perfectly. Like the stoning one, it's pretty  so be warned.
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Mar 18, 2012 15:32
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Asian Teen Has Sweaty Middle-Aged-Man Fetish http://www.theonion.com/articles/asian-teen-has-sweaty-middleagedman-fetish,2649/
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Mar 18, 2012 18:00
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Ovo posted:The Onion's sports articles are always amazing You guys need to catch up on Get Out Of My Face then. It's The Onion's follow-up to their cancelled but incredible Comedy Central show "SportsDome". Speaking of, here's the best "Sportsdome" moment ever.
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Mar 18, 2012 20:05
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Robert Denby posted:You guys need to catch up on Get Out Of My Face then. It's The Onion's follow-up to their cancelled but incredible Comedy Central show "SportsDome". Speaking of, here's the best "Sportsdome" moment ever. Holy poo poo. "I think the fact that they're twins takes away some of the creepiness!" "An incest mirror!"
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Mar 18, 2012 20:41
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A personal favorite sports article: "Goalie Clearly Living In Net" http://www.theonion.com/articles/goalie-clearly-living-in-net,2428/ Even funnier is that this predates Dan Ellis'  issues with money by about 2 years.
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Mar 18, 2012 21:15
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I like a lot of their single headline and picture with no story entries. A lot of the times the headline itself is funny enough like Papal Infallibility Invoked To Allow Scrabble Word but this one here is all in the picture: This poo poo Again. Short and sweet. Perfect. As for articles, I remember laughing the most at this one: Rubber Band Needed
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Mar 18, 2012 21:31
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I like this "Fan on the Street" that went up today: http://www.theonion.com/articles/the-redskins-and-cowboys-violate-the-nfls-unwritte,27656/ On the subject of sports, this article before the Super Bowl really sums up how terrible most sports blogs are in a single paragraph: http://www.theonion.com/articles/1000-bleacher-report-writers-descend-on-super-bowl,27259/
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Mar 18, 2012 23:44
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_zEP3KhBH8A
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Mar 19, 2012 00:13
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Obama's Weekly Video Addresses Becoming Increasingly Avant-Garde Congress Spotted Leaving Gay Nightclub Pre-Game Coin Toss Makes Jaguars Realize Randomness Of Life I don't even watch football but for some reason the last one always kills me.
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Mar 19, 2012 00:47
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I think the hardest I've ever laughed at The Onion is this American Voices piece about Ted Kennedy having brain cancer. The last response absolutely slays me: "We're never leaving Iraq, are we?"
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Mar 19, 2012 02:46
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This one is definitely the hardest I've laughed at The Onion in print: U.S. Out Of My Uterus.
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Mar 19, 2012 03:08
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I love the Point/Counterpoint articles. "It was then that I Carried You," by Jesus Christ; "Bullshit, Jesus, those are obviously my footprints." http://www.theonion.com/articles/it-was-then-that-i-carried-you-vs-bullshit-jesus-t,11542/ "Help! Sandal Season is Here, and My Feet are a Mess," versus "Help! I'm Trapped in a Burning Bus!" http://www.theonion.com/articles/help-sandal-season-is-here-and-my-feet-are-a-mess,11531/ "Whoooo! Bears!" versus "Argh! Bears!" http://www.theonion.com/articles/whoooooo-bears-vs-aaaaaggh-bears,11535/ I also thought this commentary article was funny for some weird reason: "Hi, I Like to Cut Myself." http://www.theonion.com/articles/hi-i-like-to-cut-myself,11194/
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Mar 19, 2012 03:23
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This one was released just after George Harrison died. http://www.theonion.com/articles/ringo-next,24957/
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Mar 19, 2012 04:40
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probably my favorite baseball article: Derek Jeter Honored For Having Fewer Hits Than Harold Baines quote:"I'm glad I can tell my kids that I was at the game when Derek Jeter [didn't come close to getting as many hits as 22-season veteran Harold Baines, who won his only World Series as a bench coach]," Yankee fan Nick Sullivan said. "[Harold Baines]."
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Mar 19, 2012 05:33
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Robert Denby posted:You guys need to catch up on Get Out Of My Face then. It's The Onion's follow-up to their cancelled but incredible Comedy Central show "SportsDome". Speaking of, here's the best "Sportsdome" moment ever. "MARK BRUNELL'S PUSSY FINGER IS 41 YEARS OLD. HE CAN'T KEEP UP WITH TODAY'S FINGERBANGING."
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Mar 19, 2012 05:40
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