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Erik Shawn-Bohner
Mar 21, 2010

by XyloJW


Funny fact: twinkle Cavagina and SyrupMuff and I are hanging out and talking writing shop. You are all weaklings because you're too scared to actually dig in.

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Fanky Malloons
Aug 21, 2010

Is your social worker inside that horse?


Erik Shawn-Bohner posted:

Funny fact: twinkle Cavagina and SyrupMuff and I are hanging out and talking writing shop. You are all weaklings because you're too scared to actually dig in.

Is this an invitation to hang out with you

Erik Shawn-Bohner
Mar 21, 2010

by XyloJW


PM me your deets for skype.

Erik Shawn-Bohner
Mar 21, 2010

by XyloJW


Or post it here, poser Ms. Fanky. Cap'n took the initiative and joined in. Because he's not a scared weirdo.

Erik Shawn-Bohner
Mar 21, 2010

by XyloJW


Apparently it's a free for all. Jesus.

Bad Seafood
Dec 10, 2010

If you must blink, do it now.


I'm game if there's a number I'm supposed to call. Skype is the same as here, but I don't have PMs.

Bad Seafood fucked around with this message at Feb 2, 2013 around 06:04

STONE OF MADNESS
Dec 28, 2012

PVTREFACTIO


Erik Shawn-Bohner posted:

How can I best reflect the general air of unyielding eroticism through my voice while reading?

Massage your balls the entire time

supermikhail
Nov 17, 2012


"It's video games, Scully."
Video games?"
"He enlists the help of strangers to make his perfect video game. When he gets bored of an idea, he murders them and moves on to the next, learning nothing in the process."
"Hmm... interesting."


Thunderdome XXVI entry
"Petey"
5m22s



Let the ear-bleeding commence!

Beezle Bug
Jun 5, 2009

I love painting trees.

Eulogy
4m49s

The Saddest Rhino
Apr 29, 2009

I could hear the roots of loneliness creeping through me when the world was hushed at four o'clock in the morning


My day tomorrow is going to be completely packed dealing with moving and cleaning, and I just don't have the time to fix the audio (which I haven't the slightest clue how to) nor shorten it to 5 mins. Oh well enjoy my incorrigible accent recording on a cellphone using evernote. http://db.tt/fN8LIGml

CHARACTER BUILDING (1,480 words)

On a normal day, the Coyote Ranch would be filled with the screams of teenagers propelled across zip lines into large nets, and motivational catchphrases yelled by corporate types being put through embarrassing team-building exercises. Today, there was nobody at all in the adventure park, as all bookings made for the day were abruptly cancelled. Shara found herself alone, with all her co-workers afflicted with either sudden illnesses or laziness. She stood behind the reception’s desk, intent on spending the day watching makeup tutorials on youtube.

Windchimes. Shara looked up from her monitor. A tall, dark Indian lady stood at the entrance to the visitor’s lounge. She was youthful-looking with an athletic build, and despite being in a light summer dress, managed to dress immaculately with handbag and heels. Taking off her shades, the lady’s eyes were kind, yet behind them hid a stern poise. Shara could swear that the lady looked familiar.

In twisted contrast, her hand held on to a child’s, who was seven and dressed in a sleeveless shirt and khaki shorts. The boy was as plump as she was slim. Standing beside her, he looked like a skinned oversized koala who has eaten as many rotis for breakfast as there were swamis in Mumbai.

“Welcome to Coyote Ranch!” Shara greeted them. “You are our first guests. I haven’t seen a single soul before you!”

“It’s for the best,” the lady said. Her voice was smooth like hot sabres slicing through butter. She pointed at the boy. “I’ve brought him here to train. His father claims he has developed some foolish American disease that turns him into a slobbering mess when too many girls talk to him.”

The boy made a pachydermous whine. “It’s agoraphobia and it makes me panic in a situation I’m not comfortable like when they are many people and it’s so-“

“Agriculturephobia,” the lady said without looking at him. She flipped through the brochures on the desk, and pointed to Shara a course titled DEATH VALLEY DEATH-DEFYING CIRCUIT. “He’ll have this.”

Shara’s eyes widened. “Are you sure, ma’am? It’s for very experienced people, and not designed for children…”

“Perfect,” the lady said, already filling up the indemnity form. The boy mumbled under his breath, and Shara could hear mutterings of curses in various languages, most of which she could not recognise.

Shara looked at the form the lady gave her. “Ganeswaran’s your nephew, Miss… Kali?” she asked. “No surnames?”

“Not by blood or literally, thank goodness. We are of the same pantheon and look out for our own. And the surname, I think you all call that a fashionable thing. Now lead me to this circuit where young Ganeswaran will defy the destroyers of worlds - ” Kali looked to where the boy was. “Insolent child! What is the meaning of this!”

Ganeswaran was skipping in a panic, his stubby little arms flailing around as he ran in circles. “WASP,” he cried. “WASP WASP WASP WASP WASP.”

His aunt grabbed him by the arm, perhaps a little too strongly, and he screamed in pain. “It is an insect!” she yelled at him. “Next you’ll call lotuses demons!”

“They have ugly seed pods!” Ganeswaran complained.

“Then decapitate them and drink their blood then dance on their carcasses!” Kali retorted. She dragged the crying child away from his subject of fear, with Shara running behind them.

The first part of the circuit involved an obstacle course with unassisted wall-climbing, swinging across moats populated by crocodile cutouts, crawling in mud under fake barbed wire, and jumping on stilts while an Ennio Morricone soundtrack played. Shara grimaced at each step young Ganeswaran took. He slammed into each wall, fell into each stream and screamed at each fake crocodile, got himself tangled in wire while drinking mud, and hopping then knocking every single part of his body against each stilt. He also cried when the background music swelled to dramatic trumpets. Kali stood beside Shara watching the whole debacle, with one hand holding an umbrella and another on her hip wielding a loudspeaker rented from the ranch.

“You move like a woolly mammoth dead for thousands of years and encased in ice!” She encouraged through the loudspeaker. “I’m sorry, I lied. The mammoth is like a jaguar compared to you! And it’s dead!”

In between spitting out mud and grass, Ganeswaran shouted, “I’m telling papa you called me names!”

“I’m telling “papa” you lost to a fossil in a race!”

“You are contributing to my lack of confidence and increasing my agitation!”

“You tried to use your vocabulary as dowry to woo a girl! She chooses to burn instead!”

After an hour of watching Ganeswaran continuously falling over his feet, Kali decided that he should try the second course, which was on rope bridges and wooden platforms built into tall trees just about 70 feet above the ground. Ganeswaran has chosen to brave the course by grabbing onto his aunt’s legs while Shara tied a harness on him.

“AUNTIE I NOW HAVE A NEW PHOBIA OF HEIGHTS.”

Kali turned on the loudspeaker and directed it right at his face. “If any of your tears ruin my Jimmy Choos it will bring me as much shame as when I danced on my husband in a warzone!” She turned to Shara. “What happens here?”

“Stage one is just free and easy, we let him hang onto the zip line to familiarise…”

“Damnation! What’s the last stage?”

“Er. We gently let him off the platform, and he will zip down the line into a net across half the park.”

Kali kicked young Ganeswaran off her and the platform, and watched with Shara as he shrieked like a girl across half the park.

Course No. 3 was horse-riding. Predictably, Kali asked for the newest and least tame horse, then tied Ganeswaran with a rope to it. The horse proceeded to run a treacherous course of rocky lanes, swampland and trees with low branches without a single care given to its screaming passenger.

Shara tried to make conversation with Kali. “Are you famous?”

“Something like that,” Kali answered. “I’ve been on… TV. A few times.”

“Do you host a cooking competition show?”

“Do I look like I would enter a kitchen?” Kali said, then turned on her loudspeaker again. “I will have you die a thousand deaths in a thousand forms if you do not stop acting like a child!”

“I AM A CHILD SOMEONE PLEASE CALL A CHILD PROTECTION AGENCY.”

“I will annihilate your American disease like I slay evil in its path!” She turned off the loudspeaker and spoke to Shara. “I used to be on a documentary channel, but my shows were cancelled.”

“Wow, that’s a shame.”

“They’re more interested in aliens and Hitler. Or alien Hitler. I fail to understand - he’s not even a periphery of an ancient civilisation.”

After a long, hard day, Kali had finally decided that young Ganeswaran has had enough training. The child was shivering non-stop, his eyes wide as plates, and his white clothes now stained in various shades of the natural earth. He had the expression of a veteran of the battlefield. Kali had her sunglasses on as they left, and Shara wondered if she was at all satisfied with Ganeswaran’s progress.

Shara was going through the money in the cash register when she heard Ganeswaran scream again. “WASP,” he explained in a high-pitched voice.

“Oh, have you not learnt anything today!” Kali yelled at him. “It’s on the ground! Lay waste to it before I do the same to you!”

Shara caught a glance of Ganeswaran dancing in abject fear, then stopping to lift his foot upon hearing his aunt’s voice. In an instant the ground beneath Shara’s feet shook, and thunderous thumps echoed across Coyote Ranch. Papers scattered around and vases fell off tables. Glass panes broke and the ground outside the ranch cracked.

Shara hid under the reception desk, narrowly avoiding a lamp falling at where she previously stood. She could hear twines of ropes snapping and trees falling as horses neigh in panic. Then, as suddenly as it started, everything stopped.

She stood up, and saw Ganeswaran panting and hunched over. His aunt was watching him in utter calm, one hand holding an umbrella and the other a smartphone.

“Day is not a total waste after all,” she said after pressing a button on her phone. “Ganesha would be proud to know his son has his obstacle-removing blood.”

“You recorded that?” Ganeswaran asked.

“Just messaged him.” She dropped the phone into her handbag. “Let’s get some kozhukattai.”

Shara watched the Redeemer of the Universe take the hand of the son of the Deva of Intellect and Wisdom, and for one short moment, she beheld them as a ten-armed woman wielding swords and severed heads leading a single-tusked baby elephant, walking away and finally disappearing altogether into thin air.

Martello
Apr 29, 2012

by XyloJW


Erik Shawn-Bohner posted:

Apparently it's a free for all. Jesus.

gently caress I should have manned up and jumped on after I was finished having SECKS but I was liek so tired

Let's do it again faggots

Canadian Surf Club
Feb 15, 2008

Word.


Maybe it's time for a Thunderdome IRC? That could actually solve some problems re: judge collaboration, communal critiquing, etc.

Canadian Surf Club fucked around with this message at Feb 2, 2013 around 18:55

Martello
Apr 29, 2012

by XyloJW


Haha Rhino you sound like Chairman Shen-Ji Yang from Sid Meier's Alpha Centauri.

That's actually a compliment.

My gift to industry is the genetically engineered worker, or Genejack. Specially designed for labor, the Genejack's muscles and nerves are ideal for his task, and the cerebral cortex has been atrophied so that he can desire nothing except to perform his duties. Tyranny, you say? How can you tyrannize someone who cannot feel pain?

- Chairman Sheng-ji Yang, "Essays on Mind and Matter"

Canadian Surf Club posted:

Maybe it's time for a Thunderdome IRC? That could actually solve some problems re: judge collaboration, communal critiquing, etc.

Good idea. I dunno how to make IRC things otherwise I'd do it.

Etherwind
Apr 22, 2008
Probation
Can't post for 2122 days!


Soiled Meat

#thunderdome on irc.synirc.net is ready and up. Register your nicks (/msg nickserv help) and I'll do all the behind the scenes stuff; Judges, tell me what you want the welcome message to be.

Edit: I'm busy for the next four or so hours, but I'll be around later tonight to do all the book keeping.

Double edit: I'm assuming that the original three will basically run the channel with S-ops, and the worthies will have A-ops, while anyone who's won will have h-hops, and regulars voice. If anyone needs a primer in how to do poo poo on IRC, Google it and then hit me up.

Etherwind fucked around with this message at Feb 2, 2013 around 19:39

Erik Shawn-Bohner
Mar 21, 2010

by XyloJW


It's actually pretty cool after all. Mostly just because it's only cool people in there right now.

SurreptitiousMuffin
Mar 21, 2010

I got it wrong. Look, I'm well aware I got it wrong and uh, I got it wrong.


How do you get in? I don't use IRC so I don't know how it works.

Martello
Apr 29, 2012

by XyloJW


Download ChatZilla or something like that. Then when that thing is up and running, type in /server irc.synirc.net. When that loads, type /join #thunderdome. Make sure you give yourself a really cool nickname like MaliciousBiscuit or something like that so we all know who you are.

Erik Shawn-Bohner
Mar 21, 2010

by XyloJW


For the retarded among you (read: all of you) register your nick and PM Etherwind or me or post it or whatever if you need privs.

^.^

sebmojo
Oct 23, 2010


Legit Cyberpunk

Contraband, 766 words/5 minutes

sebmojo fucked around with this message at Feb 3, 2013 around 20:12

Sitting Here
Dec 31, 2007


Blood Empress of Thunderdome

Tap to emit spores


Clapping Larry

eh

Life is but a... 5:04

Soundcloud

CancerCakes
Jan 10, 2006

WORST WIZARD, THUNDERDOME
LOSER


Something for Thunderdome Radio.



Its 841 words, 5 mins.

Capntastic
Jan 13, 2005

A dog begins eating a dusty old coil of rope but there's a nail in it.

Fallen Rib

Aunt and Nephew
513 words, 3:52.



Special thanks to my buddy Joe McHugh for performing the reading.

Noah
May 31, 2011

Come at me baby bitch


The Grumble Baboon

Capntastic
Jan 13, 2005

A dog begins eating a dusty old coil of rope but there's a nail in it.

Fallen Rib

Noah posted:

The Grumble Baboon

Do commercials you cartoon character.

monkeyboydc
Dec 2, 2007

Unfortunately, we had to kut the English budget at the Ivalice Magick Ackcademy.

Bask in the sultry sound of my voice. Wash yourselves in it!

Bedtime Stories

880 words

About four minutes 15 seconds

swaziloo
Aug 29, 2012


Long live Radio Thunderdome!

Bees (909 words - 5:21 or 6:09)

I submit two recordings of the same story because I can't loving decide.

Read by a female narrator:


Read by SA Stinkmeister from the VO MegaThread (as suggested by neonnoodle):

Bad Seafood
Dec 10, 2010

If you must blink, do it now.


Cloudy Conditions (309 words)



One minute fifty-one.

Etherwind
Apr 22, 2008
Probation
Can't post for 2122 days!


Soiled Meat

.

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

SurreptitiousMuffin
Mar 21, 2010

I got it wrong. Look, I'm well aware I got it wrong and uh, I got it wrong.


It's a bit late for it but can we get the text for the stories posted as well? It's hard to follow some of the recordings without a transcript and especially hard to crit.

sebmojo
Oct 23, 2010


Legit Cyberpunk

SurreptitiousMuffin posted:

It's a bit late for it but can we get the text for the stories posted as well? It's hard to follow some of the recordings without a transcript and especially hard to crit.

Yeah, was thinking that. Will put mine up in a mo.

SurreptitiousMuffin
Mar 21, 2010

I got it wrong. Look, I'm well aware I got it wrong and uh, I got it wrong.


Neon did say 'recordings and not text' so I'll defer to him if he wants to slap me down but it seems like a good idea to help us with our crits.

neonnoodle
Mar 20, 2008

by exmarx


If you can't follow the story without text, contestant has failed.

neonnoodle
Mar 20, 2008

by exmarx


sebmojo posted:

In. I will destroy you all.

And so he did! sebmojo is the winner! You had me on the edge of my seat the whole time. Your piece was conversationally written, well-acted and nicely paced.

It was a very close match, with strong showings also from swaziloo and CancerCakes . I was also intrigued by what Sitting Here had to offer.

supermikhail, I was going to declare you the loser of this week's match because I could barely understand a single word...but I thought it didn't seem too fair because English is obviously not your first language.

Then came Noah. He has no excuse whatsoever. It was like listening to Frank Zappa. I must admit that I was as entertained as I was baffled. Noah gets a special loser award for best worst.

Erik Shawn-Bohner
Mar 21, 2010

by XyloJW


neonnoodle posted:

supermikhail, I was going to declare you the loser of this week's match because I could barely understand a single word...but I thought it didn't seem too fair because English is obviously not your first language.

Then came Noah. He has no excuse whatsoever. It was like listening to Frank Zappa. I must admit that I was as entertained as I was baffled. Noah gets a special loser award for best worst.

Holy poo poo. That was a burn.

I'm also calling out me and Martello for not posting when we said we would. We suck.

toanoradian
May 30, 2011

The happiest waffligator


Oooh, the deadline's on Saturday. I thought it was on Sunday.


gently caress


Can I request a losertar? I have been a pathetic poo poo these past two weeks.

sebmojo
Oct 23, 2010


Legit Cyberpunk

neonnoodle posted:

And so he did! sebmojo is the winner! You had me on the edge of my seat the whole time. Your piece was conversationally written, well-acted and nicely paced.

It was a very close match, with strong showings also from swaziloo and CancerCakes . I was also intrigued by what Sitting Here had to offer.

supermikhail, I was going to declare you the loser of this week's match because I could barely understand a single word...but I thought it didn't seem too fair because English is obviously not your first language.

Then came Noah. He has no excuse whatsoever. It was like listening to Frank Zappa. I must admit that I was as entertained as I was baffled. Noah gets a special loser award for best worst.

Holy hell. Thanks neonnoodle.

After five wins my assgroove on the Thunderthrone is so precisely fitted to my specifications you can count the hairs.

I JUST WANT TO WRITE STORIES MAN STOP MAKING ME WIN ALL THE TIME

Unless neonnoodle wants to keep his place, I will exercise judgerogative and elevate STONE OF MADNESS and CancerCakes (sorry swaziloo) to the judge podium.

Prompt to come momentarily.


sebmojo fucked around with this message at Feb 4, 2013 around 03:19

sebmojo
Oct 23, 2010


Legit Cyberpunk

toanoradian posted:

Oooh, the deadline's on Saturday. I thought it was on Sunday.


gently caress


Can I request a losertar? I have been a pathetic poo poo these past two weeks.

Five bucks, same as in town.

Erik Shawn-Bohner
Mar 21, 2010

by XyloJW


Go back and pick up the winner from last week to be your co-judge, Sebby.

Capntastic
Jan 13, 2005

A dog begins eating a dusty old coil of rope but there's a nail in it.

Fallen Rib

Stone of Madness gets his turn, yeah

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STONE OF MADNESS
Dec 28, 2012

PVTREFACTIO


Sure, I'm down. I'll roll over my 3 losercrits to this coming week too, if that's ok, I haven't really paid much attention this time(favouring my big project, as one does)

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