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Seraphic Neoman
Jul 19, 2011


quote:

Darkrail & Veinstreak

There is nothing about this that's isn't horrible.
And you know what? This villain? Still doesn't sound as bad as Railrunner. Maybe it's because Miranda is actually honest and makes him a villain while our hero is supposed to be sympathetic. He's a dick, but at least we're not supposed to like him.

It really says something that Imhotepcoaster is more likable than Railrunner! I mean yeah he kills his own minions when They Have Failed Him, but he explicitly gains power from this. Railrunner just has wanton slaughter for the sake of wanton slaughter. And they both have domestic abuse subtext so it's not like Railrunner can take the moral high-ground on that point.

(Is it supposed to Veinstreak or Vainstreak? Like a streak of vanity?)

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Bobbin Threadbare
Jan 2, 2009

I'm looking for a flock of urbanmechs.

Talking his way past the nurse wasn't terribly easy given the state of the patient, but Detective Black managed it thanks to a bit of fast talking and swearing up and down that nothing he did would harm the patient. Even so, Nurse Connor made a point of remaining in the room as the detective took a seat by the hospital bed.

When Black pulled out the bag of powder, Connor crossed his arms and asked, "What've you got there?"

"Oh, this? Completely harmless. It's mostly just ginseng and ashes." Connor's eyes narrowed, but he didn't move as the detective carefully removed a pinch and sprinkled it across the patient's mouth, neck, and chest. However, he did start when the unconscious man's remaining eye snapped open and he took in a deep gasp.

"Aw, gently caress," he managed through his wired jaw. "What the--the pain is--how--"

"Just a little Voodoo magic," Black answered with a smile, unconcerned as to whether or not he'd be taken seriously. The patient raised his hand, but Black gently held it down. "Now don't go thanking me yet. All you got was a temporary fix. I need to talk to you. I need to know what happened earlier tonight."

The man on the bed blinked several times before he managed to focus on the detective sitting next to him. "You're a cop," he spat.

Black nodded. "And you're a member of the Long Street Kings. Tyler Benedict, 'T-Bone' to your friends. Listen, I need to know everything that happened to you before you came to this hospital. Everything you saw, heard, and did, anything could be useful--"

"I'm not talking to a loving pig."

Detective Black took a deep breath. Gang members were hard to talk to at the best of times, but T-Bone needed to understand just what was at stake. "Let me explain something to you, T-Bone. Nobody is going to care what you and your friends were doing in that alleyway. Nobody is going to care what you were planning on doing or what you were armed with or even who you really are.

"You and I aren't exactly on the same side most times. I understand that. But two days ago, four of my crew were killed by Railrunner. Yesterday, four of your crew died at its hands."

"poo poo..."

"Yeah. The only reason you're still alive right now is because two more of my crew came in and distracted it. One of them is in a coma right now, and the other might be losing both his legs. So we may not see eye to eye on things, but today you and I are brothers. Brothers in arms. Brothers in vengeance. And since you're in no condition to fight it yourself, I need you to help me by telling me everything that happened so that I can make sure that son of a bitch gets what's coming to him."

Black surprised himself with how angry he got. Looking down, he saw his hands were gripped so hard on the bed rails that his knuckles were white. Taking a deep breath, he relaxed his hands and placed them in his lap. T-Bone watched the detective for a while longer, then closed his eye. When he opened it again, he began his story.



"Seven more are confirmed dead and well over a hundred are now in the hospital after what some are calling the worst domestic terrorism incident since the World Trade Center attacks. Damage is still being assessed following the high-speed chase down Jefferson Street, but initial estimates place the damages in the tens of millions, perhaps even more. According to our latest reports, despite the efforts of the city police and the FBI, Rodney Philips, nicknamed 'the Railrunner,' has apparently slipped into a forest and evaded pursuit. However, sheriffs from neighboring counties are now organizing search parties and the governor has told the media that she is dispatching National Guard elements to assist what is quickly becoming the largest manhunt in U.S. history. Meanwhile, the city's mayor, Samuel Luego, has issued an ultimatum, demanding that the Railrunner be captured before--"

Detective Black switched off the TV. He'd heard it all before, particularly the bit about the ultimatum thanks to phone calls from both the captain and the commissioner. He had to chuckle at calling it a "manhunt," though, considering the true nature of the suspect.

Black returned his attention to the two plastic bags set on the table in front of him. Something about their contents was held in common, and that something was the key to ending Rodney's mad reign of destruction.

It wasn't the fact that they were both knives, but rather that both had pierced Railrunner's skin. The kitchen knife had been confiscated from Clare's home after she was brought into protective custody and still bore some of Rodney's blood; the switchblade was found in the alley Railrunner attacked, and according to T-Bone it managed to slip right in through the roller coaster train's steel skin even after a number of bullets had failed to leave a mark.

It couldn't be that they were both knives. Anything able to deflect bullets would be able to turn a blade, at least if that was the only issue. It didn't even matter that Railrunner had regenerated from both wounds; Black knew from personal experience that any regenerator could be overwhelmed, especially when wounded in critical areas.

So what was it about these two knives that bullets couldn't match? There wasn't anything unique that leaped out. The detective read the evidence tags once again: bog standard switchblade, black handle, made in China, worn-out spring, carbon steel blade chipped and dulled from overuse and poor maintenance, only fingerprints match the owner, as-yet unidentified blood on both handle and blade. Standard kitchen chef's knife from a matched set, generic manufacturer, serrated stainless steel, "hecho en Mexico," barely used, found in the front hallway where Clare had dropped it after stabbing Rodney in the chest. After thinking for a minute, Black read the tags one more time.

Wait. That can't be it.

Couldn't it?

Well, my silver bullets were special-made locally, after all, and if there's one thing America still knows how to make in bulk, it's ammunition. And after all, why do werewolves care about silver? Why is the only effective way to destroy a vampire to stake its heart, cut off its head, and fill its mouth with holy wafers? Magic works in mysterious ways.

And there's only one good way to find out if I'm right.


Detective Black pulled out his cell phone and dialed Special Agent Captain's number. "Hello? Black here. I've got an idea what we can use to stop Railrunner. First, get a hold of the biggest fishing net you can find, so long as you can make sure it was harvested, woven, and manufactured outside the USA. Next, get in contact with the National Guard and find out where their bullets come from. If they can, have 'em switch to any foreign make they've got; I'll have a talk with the local elements myself. If we can figure this out quick enough, we'll catch this bastard yet!" The detective hung up and grabbed his coat, running out of the room and forgetting completely to bring the knives back to the evidence locker.

JosephWongKS
Apr 4, 2009

by Nyc_Tattoo
Interlude - Dangerous Waters

quote:


His mind was furious. The enemies sent [sic] flooded his nostrils. The foul odor only made him angrier. Revenge was a priority now, no doubt about it. He roared in fury, and it could be heard over the crack of the waves and the shrieks of the helpless.

Jeek
Feb 15, 2012

Yes. :getin:

I was going to write how gangster's blade would have something to do with Railrunner's capture, but you have written it better than I could hope to do.

We need to collect your posts in a single PDF and upload it somewhere for posterity's sake once the Let's Read is done.

Jeek fucked around with this message at 04:29 on May 14, 2013

where the red fern gropes
Aug 24, 2011


Bobbin Threadbare posted:

How to write a book that isn't poo poo

I am now genuinely uncertain as to whether those knives are a plot point or not.

JosephWongKS
Apr 4, 2009

by Nyc_Tattoo
Chapter 28 - Tempers Flare and Fizzle

quote:


Merrylegs stretched as she awoke out of her sleeping position. It was time to check on Thunderbark, and how well he was healing up. As she walked out of her room, she had a hunch that something was missing. Merrylegs thought for a long while, but decided to ignore it.


What’s the point of having this scene about Merrylegs getting a hunch and ignoring it, when Railrunner’s disappearance is discovered literally less than 10 paragraphs later?


quote:


She entered Thunderbark’s room silent as a mouse.


Why are all the amusement park ride characters in this book so stealthy? Neither roller-coasters nor carousel horses are known for being quiet and unnoticeable.


quote:


He was still asleep. He looked uncomfortable as he sleep [sic] lightly. Other than that the coaster looked a lot better. Merrylegs nudged his side with one of her hooves. Thunderbark awoke immediately, blinking his eyes briefly. He yawned, showing his sharp white teeth.

“How are you feeling?” Merrylegs asked.

“Better, my arm still hurts. Railrunner’s venom seems to be disappearing though.”


What a shame.


quote:


“That’s a good thing. However, I’m still going to give you some pain medicine for your arm just so we’re on the safe side.”

“Sounds good.” He replied.

As Merrylegs reached for the medications, she noticed a neatly folded up piece of parchment. She carefully opened it and began to examine it.

“What’s that?” Thunderbark questioned, suddenly alert.

“It’s a letter, from Railrunner.”

“What does it say?” He said sounding alarmed.

“He left to go hunting.” She said quietly as she nervously waited for the white coaster to respond.

Thunderbark’s eyes narrowed into slits. A low growl sounded from deep within his chest. He barred his fangs and began a threatening snarl, making the carousel horse jump.

“I know good and well that Railrunner is not hunting.” He hissed with his teeth tightly clenched together.

“How can you tell?” Merrylegs asked nervously as Static entered the room.

“Odd, where is Railrunner?” he asked.

“THAT IGNORANT FOOL!” Thunderbark suddenly shouted. His temper was flaring.


Railrunner is indeed an ignorant fool, but there’s been plenty of evidence since Thunderbark met him. Thunderbark bears much of the blame for leaving Railrunner to his own devices.


quote:


“What is wrong!” Static asked Merrylegs.

“Railrunner went hunting, he left the temple.” Merrylegs replied.

“He did NOT go hunting.” Thunderbark said climbing out of his bed. He stormed for the door to his room.

“What?” Merrylegs and Static asked at the same time.

“He went to visit Clare!” The white coaster answered angrily.


If Thunderbark saw this coming, why did he not keep a closer eye on Railrunner?


quote:


“Thunderbark! You probably don’t want to be livid at Railrunner. He probably took you to seriously about suffering from withdraw [sic].” Merrylegs protested.

“Yeah, he’s really young, reckless, stupid, and takes things to [sic] literally!” Static said, receiving a glare from Merrylegs.

Thunderbark’s rage seemed to lighten a bit. Suddenly he turned angry again.

“The thing is, he knows better! If he screws up once, we are doomed! Hell, I’ve told him a thousand times not to leave!”

Merrylegs couldn’t argue with that one, Thunderbark had told him repeatedly not to leave the temple.


I checked every chapter starting from Chapter 23 where they first arrived at the Temple, and Thunderbark had never, not even once, told Railrunner not to leave the Temple.


quote:


Merrylegs knew Thunderbark had to be careful on what he would say to Railrunner. Right now the young coaster was like an explosive , bound to explode when the fuse reached the bomb.

Thunderbark entered the temple’s courtyard, and Railrunner just came through the entrance. He stood staggering a bit, his cloak was burnt at the ends. He looked exhausted as could be.


Why is Railrunner “staggering”? Does being in Amusement Park Between grant him boundless energy, enough to fuel “unlimited concussion beams”?


quote:


“Why in the hell did you go and see her?” Thunderbark demanded.

“From what I can remember, you said it would heal me.” He snapped back.


Nope. Thunderbark never said that.


quote:


Railrunner could barely hold himself up, from all the running across Amusement Park Between and the real world.

“What! Railrunner, that move was completely careless! You could have died!” The coaster growled.


A pity he didn’t.


quote:


“Why would you care?” he replied in a low voice.

That made Thunderbark EXTREMELY angry.


You can't just have your characters announce how they feel! That makes me feel angry!


quote:


“I do care for your information! I was the one who trained you! I was the one who watched over you for years! I was the one who saved your life!”


As mentioned earlier, if Railrunner (currently human age 38, according to the character bio written by Miranda Leek) was “adopted”, it must have been at a fairly early age, certainly no earlier than 18. This means that Thunderbark had lost track of him for more than 20 years.


quote:


Railrunner did not respond. He simply looked at Thunderbark. His eyes were full of shame. Then he couldn’t stand any longer, falling to the ground at Thunderbark’s wheels.

+ + +

I awoke lying in my bed. I must have collapsed from exhaustion. Then I remembered my argument with Thunderbark. Why did I do that? Why in the hell did I say what I did? I felt horrible, not sick, but completely stupid!

How could I be so heartless after what all he had done for me?


This is what makes him feel remorse? Not the wanton slaughtering of hundreds of innocent people and of police officers defending other innocent people?


quote:


I sat up and clutched my head in agony. I growled at myself.

“Why am I such a hothead?” I questioned. I looked up to see Thunderbark standing in the doorway. He looked as if he had calmed down from the incident earlier. He came and stood beside me. He smiled a small smile.

“Sorry for yelling at you, I was in the wrong.” He said. It sounded like he meant it.


No no, Thunderbark was not in the wrong. Why the hell are is Railrunner being exonerated?


quote:


“It’s fine.” I replied sighing.


44th sigh of the book.


quote:


“I guess the thing that scared me the most was the simple fact –.”

“What.”

“The fact on what can actually kill a coaster.”

“What can kill us?” I said already knowing the answer.

“The only thing that can kill a roller coaster is another roller coaster.”

“So that is why you didn’t heal up from my attack?” I played along.

“Exactly.”


Thunderbark told Railrunner about roller coasters’ ability to kill each other barely two chapters ago, in Chapter 26! Has Thunderbark already forgotten about this conversation?

code:

 “Can’t you heal yourself, Thunderbark?” I asked confounded.

“I can’t. I forgot to tell you, a roller coaster can be harmed or killed by another coaster.”

“I’ll definitely keep that in mind!”

TWO. BLOODY. CHAPTERS. AGO!


quote:


“I understand now, Thunderbark.”

“I’m sorry.” The white coaster apologized again.


Stop apologizing, drat it! Railrunner should be the one apologizing!


quote:


“Well Thunderbark, I’ve actually kept something from you too.”

“What?” he asked concerned.

I climbed out of bed and pulled out the sword that I wrapped up in cloth.

“What is that?” he said eyeing it carefully.

I unwrapped it, Thunderbark’s eyes widened.

“Where did you get that!” he said whispering in excitement.

“I found it. It was in a secret alter [sic]. I discovered a hidden door that led to a room full of statues of the previous reds. Then I went through a door at the end of the hall and found a track! A big steel roller coaster track.”

“Really! Did you find anything else?”

“Yes, I found old weaponry. The only useful weapon was this sword.” I finished with Thunderbark looking at it in awe. He then grinned widely.

“That’s not just any old ordinary sword, Railrunner. That was the sword used by Moonblood. The sword that is said to hold a very powerful secret.”

“Cool.” I replied, it being the only response I could think of.


“This is a mighty sword of legend.”

“Cool.” :geno:



quote:


“Well, I guess I need to discuss something with you. I have already announced this to Merrylegs and Static. Tomorrow we are leaving the temple now that you have completed your training. We are going to Ferris Harbor in order to sail up the Acterbahnn to the nearest city, Zegria. We are going to my home. Mainly because I need something important from there.”

“Okay. I am with you. I’ll pack tonight.”

“Fine, we leave on the crack of dawn. And Railrunner -.”

“Yes?”

“Be prepared and watch our backs. We don’t know what could happen.”


Why is anyone still trusting Railrunner with anything of importance?

Iced Cocoa
Jul 14, 2011

Jeek posted:

Yes. :getin:

I was going to write how gangster's blade would have something to do with Railrunner's capture, but you have written it better than I could hope to do.

We need to collect your posts in a single PDF and upload it somewhere for posterity's sake once the Let's Read is done.

Once this is over, I'm tempted to go through this and make it into a kindle book so that I can read it on my kindle whenever I want. Though unfortunately I'm not sure how to make an epub or proper PDF.


JosephWongKS posted:

Chapter 28 - Tempers Flare and Fizzle

If you notice, Miranda manages to spoil what happens in the chapter. Thunderbark gets angry but within the same chapter he manages to cool down and things reach status quo as if that chapter never happened. The only thing of consequences that happens is that the others are aware of that Railrunner finally got his Hanzo Steel Katana.

JosephWongKS
Apr 4, 2009

by Nyc_Tattoo

Iced Cocoa posted:

If you notice, Miranda manages to spoil what happens in the chapter. Thunderbark gets angry but within the same chapter he manages to cool down and things reach status quo as if that chapter never happened. The only thing of consequences that happens is that the others are aware of that Railrunner finally got his Hanzo Steel Katana.

She's a fine member of the Dominic Deegan School of Writing.

Seraphic Neoman
Jul 19, 2011


Railrunner isn't acting like a hothead. He's acting like shitheel with anger issues. Miranda doesn't really "get" what being a hotheaded protagonist means.

JosephWongKS posted:

She's a fine member of the Dominic Deegan School of Writing.

What does this mean?

Sindai
Jan 24, 2007
i want to achieve immortality through not dying
Guess I was wrong. The sword doesn't have a dumb name of its own.

SSNeoman posted:

What does this mean?
http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3459522

Bobbin Threadbare
Jan 2, 2009

I'm looking for a flock of urbanmechs.

JosephWongKS posted:

Chapter 28 - Tempers Flare and Fizzle

"In which something happens and then immediately unhappens."

Pretty apt description, I will admit.

TombsGrave
Feb 15, 2008

I wonder if the sword has "useful secrets" because Leek wants to keep the deus ex machina a surprise, or because she literally had no idea what the sword was going to do and was gonna save it for the next time she couldn't think of a way for Railrunner to get out of trouble.

Iced Cocoa
Jul 14, 2011

:cripes:

If there is anything that Miranda does consistently is that if anything is mentioned to have some hidden properties it will have it. I thought everyone would have gotten it by now.

As far as I remember, there are at least four of those "hidden" talents that have been revealed but not used so far.

  1. The "fourth" method of when he would turn coaster in the human world.
  2. A Vial filled with Blue liquid given by Moonhoof.
  3. Dreams that possibly have "meaning"
  4. Hanzo Steel Katana with "hidden secret"

If you think I missed some, let me know.

Iced Cocoa fucked around with this message at 23:41 on May 14, 2013

Seraphic Neoman
Jul 19, 2011


That amulet has hidden power(s), right? That's number 5.

And it's stretching it, but the still-unrevealed roller coaster abilities Railrunner has. That's number 6.

6 loving deus ex machinas.

Iced Cocoa
Jul 14, 2011

Neither of those really count. The amulets power has already been revealed, the disintegration beam that was unleashed when Railrunner and co were having their last stand at the portal.

And there has been nothing revealed in the book that Railrunner has more powers (har har), so it doesn't make it on the list.

And I refuse to go over the past chapters to see if there is some deus ex that has already been revealed and used. Then that list would be much longer.

horriblePencilist
Oct 18, 2012

It's a Dirt Devil!
Get it?

quote:

Right now the young coaster was like an explosive , bound to explode when the fuse reached the bomb.
This is a pretty good example of what's wrong with Miranda. She could have used "like a walking timebomb", but that wasn't original enough, so she had to cough up this blob of an analogy.

edit: :10bux: say we'll find out what the sword does within the next 3 chapters.

IrvingWashington
Dec 9, 2007
Clapping Larry

JosephWongKS posted:

Again with the “concentrating” of breath. Where does Miranda Leek find these expressions?

I wonder if she misinterprested this definition (or similar):

quote:

b. To bring into one main body

I mean, usually I would just be poking fun but where Miranda Leek is concerned, I could see this really happening.

JosephWongKS
Apr 4, 2009

by Nyc_Tattoo
Chapter 29 - Ferris Harbor

quote:


The next morning was foggy and muggy. The sky was grey and bleak. Merrylegs, Static, and I were standing in an alley between two shops. Ferris harbor was nothing particularly special. It just had small businesses and various merchants. The dock, strangely enough had no ships. In fact, there were none in sight.


“A place from the most imaginative mind” has shops and harbours and businesses and merchants like any small town in the “real world”.


quote:


Thunderbark stood speaking with one of the rides that rented ships. I listened intently on their conversation.

“I need a ship, a big sturdy one if you please. I also need a crew.”

“That is going to cost you a bit.” The old green go cart replied.

“How much?” Thunderbark demanded.

“Well, I’m gonna say about seven thousand g’s.”


Why do they even need a ship? In Chapter 19 Railrunner and Thunderbark were “swimming… like they did on the rails”.


quote:


“That is quite a bit.” Thunderbark sighed in disappointment.


45th sigh of the book.


quote:


“I can’t help you there.” Was his only response.

Thunderbark looked to the ground; he let out another sigh of defeat.


46th sigh of the book.

For someone who is supposedly an experienced veteran, Thunderbark sure is easily disheartened by monetary problems.


quote:


I walked forward, my hood over my face. Thunderbark turned to glare at me. I pulled out a brown cloth bag and dropped it in front of the grouchy ride.

“I think this will cover it.” I said in a low voice. I gave the go cart a crooked smile.

He carefully opened the sack. His yellow eyes grew bigger as he pulled out a solid gold block. It gleamed brightly even in the cloudy atmosphere.

He smiled at Thunderbark and me.

“There is more where that came from, if you supply us with what he demanded.” I said smiling.

“Whatever you wish, I will have a ship and a crew for you within the next thirty minutes.”

“Thank you.” Thunderbark replied. Then as he left, Thunderbark turned to me.

“When did you get that!” he said in an excited whisper.

“Before we left. I decided to use my brain.”


I checked every chapter since Chapter 19 (where they entered Amusement Park Between for the first time) and there was not a single mention that Railrunner had picked up any gold at Trenzon or the Temple.


quote:


“I wish you could use your brain more.” He said smirking.

I growled at him.


Why is Railrunner so consistently damned humorless?


quote:


“I’m just messing with you, Railrunner.” The white coaster spoke as he slapped me on the back.

Our group stood at the river’s edge waiting for our boat. I played with my sword, tossing it this way and that in one set of wheels, not even looking.


Wearing a trench-coat and playing with your sword sounds to me like a bad way to be inconspicuous. Why hasn’t any of Ironwheel’s spies or agents detected Railrunner yet?


quote:


Merrylegs and Static ate as Thunderbark kept scanning the surface of the water.

“Why are you doing that?” I asked him.

“You will see in a second,” he replied not looking at me.

I followed his act and scanned the water, too. Suddenly in front of where we were standing, thousands of air bubbles foamed at the surface.

Then a BIG creature gradually rose like a god out of the water. I recognized it as a swinging ship. It had the head of a dragon or sea serpent that formed from the ship’s bow. It had four legs with webbed feet that jutted out from the ship’s underside. The creature shook its big head like a dog would to rid itself from water. It opened its mouth and let out a bellow like that of a bison.


Is the “swinging ship” a sentient amusement park ride or a machine that the other amusement park rides have built? This is as creepy as Goofy keeping Pluto as a pet.


quote:


“See?” Thunderbark said finally looking at me.

“Sure do,” I replied watching our crew ready the ship.

We walked by to help out and discuss matters with our captain. He was a roller coaster, wooden like Thunderbark, and his name was Bandit. His appearance looked like that of a large raccoon, adding humor to his name.

The ship we were sailing on was called Nessie, another ironic combination.


How is either of this humorous or ironic?


quote:


After about an hour and a half we finally moved out. We stood in Bandit’s office, Static was poking into things he shouldn’t, Thunderbark was looking over maps with Bandit, and both Merrylegs and I peered out the window. I could feel that our captain was suspicious of me since I still wore my trench coat and my hood up.

“Well, Thunderbark would you like to introduce your friends? I would love to know their names while we are together.” Bandit smiled.

“All right.” Thunderbark started. The tone of his voice told me he was nervous. “There is Static over by the cabinet. Merrylegs is the yellow carousel horse. And - that is Railrunner standing with her.”

“Nice to meet you all. Can I see your face, Railrunner? I like to know everybody by his or her name and appearance. It sort of feels weird when I don’t.”

“You can remember me as the one with the coat.” I replied stuttering a little. Thunderbark was staggering a little bit.


Why is every single one of them so bad at lying and deception? Why haven’t they been arrested and executed by Ironwheel yet? Isn’t Ironwheel supposed to be some tyrannous dictator with eyes and ears everywhere?


quote:


“Come on!” he said ignoring me.

“I’d better not.”

“Please?”

Why was he so eager to see me?

“Might as well, Railrunner.” Thunderbark said surprisingly. He might want to know why we are in a hurry.”


Tension raised….


quote:


I sighed; I looked at Bandit who was anxiously waiting.


47th sigh of the book.


quote:


I slowly removed my hood. Bandit’s mouth dropped open a few inches.

“My apologies, Railrunner. This is the first time I’ve ever seen a red in person, I have dishonored you.”

“No Bandit you are fine.”

“Thank goodness! I thought you would be angry with me.”

“I’m not.”

“Good. Now everyone, I will try to do my best so that you get to where you want to go quickly and safely. However, safety could be an issue if we do not look out.”


… and defused instantly.

Kinu Nishimura
Apr 23, 2008
"A place from the most imaginative mind" features the same exasperated exhalation as the "real world."

where the red fern gropes
Aug 24, 2011


Why do they need to breathe

Sindai
Jan 24, 2007
i want to achieve immortality through not dying
How else could they sigh?

Iced Cocoa
Jul 14, 2011

As Miranda is doing a re-release of her novel, she is now changing out the illustrations in the novel.

Chapter 9: Rampage of a Roller Coaster


Right now I can't ask my friend who is well into horses just what is wrong with Merrylegs in this picture. I see more cow than horse in the head, and the near foreleg seems very fat. Perhaps it's some failed attempt at foreshortening. And it looks like Miranda has decided that Merrylegs does not have a brass pole extending from below her.

What I dislike about Merrylegs is that Miranda didn't bother to research anything but roller coasters, and perhaps the history of amusement parks. What she totally missed is somehow using any carousel interesting facts, such as nearly all carousel rides have a "Lead Horse", which is the horse that is the one most highly decorated, sometimes with war armor, and if there is a carriage it's the horse behind the carriage. Because if Miranda actually knew about the fact that there is such thing as a "Lead Horse" in a Carousel, she wouldn't have been able to resist the fact to make Merrylegs such a horse.

Edit: Clare's forearm is HOW long?!

Chapter 18: Final Rush


THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE LESS THAN A WEEK SINCE FULL MOON!

gently caress this, the only way this works is that she changes the whole "full moon" thing.

For some reason Railrunner is now more crocodile/alligator in the face than from what I've seen before. Doesn't really help him in any way.

Also, if I hadn't told you which chapter this is from, would anyone be able to figure it out? I honestly thought it was from Chapter 8, where Rodney changes into Railrunner for the first time. This is just another issue that seems to be new for Miranda. She doesn't want to let anyone know where the characters are. In the book illustrations we've seen, we've had a clear image where they were. Freakshow in a pirate ship, Thunderbark at the carnival, Railrunner at the carnival, Rodney in his apartment. Now, everyone shares the empty void, which has sometimes a moon hanging there for no discernible reason.

Why does Miranda have such a problem with her roller coasters using their entire bodies? Why show the useless bit of body at all if it is just going to be dangling there doing nothing?

Iced Cocoa fucked around with this message at 17:52 on May 15, 2013

Antlerhill
Nov 6, 2012

Smellrose
You basically got most of what's wrong with Merrylegs.

1. The Skull is less cone-shaped then a horse's skull, and the slope at the top of the nose is not steep enough.

2. The nostrils are too big, and her eyes are pointing forward instead of to the side.

3. The ears are pointing back instead of forward or to the side, but that might just be Leek trying to convey fast movement.

4. The shoulders are not big enough compared to the forearms, and the knees look painfully swollen.


I don't know why she wouldn't use a photo reference for this, it's not like image reference for horses is hard to come by. I mean she did a semi-alright job on the human, aside from the placement of the features on the head and the spaghetti hair.

e: 5. Another thing I just noticed is that the arms don't connect properly to the torso.

Antlerhill fucked around with this message at 18:04 on May 15, 2013

Sally Forth
Oct 16, 2012

Antlerhill posted:

2. The nostrils are too big, and her eyes are pointing forward instead of to the side.

The nostrils should also be more to the sides too.

quote:

3. The ears are pointing back instead of forward or to the side, but that might just be Leek trying to convey fast movement.

To be fair, horses will put their ears back flat against their heads when distressed. It's still a goddamned terrible picture of a horse though.

Mo_Steel
Mar 7, 2008

Let's Clock Into The Sunset Together

Fun Shoe

Iced Cocoa posted:

Edit: Clare's forearm is HOW long?!

It makes me think of this image:


Rahonavis
Jan 11, 2012

"Clevuh gurrrl..."

quote:

Halfcoasters... roller coasters that come to Amusement Park Between as a mix of another animal or machine. The trait comes from being themed to be something that looks anything remotely near a roller coaster in the real world

So given that I think we just met our first Halfcoaster character (Bandit), we're agreeing to let this clusterfuck of an "explanation" go, I guess. (Either the humans who built the coasters "themed" them "to be" animals and machines in the actual definition of the word "theme" in an amusement ride context sense, or, given the "concentrated breathing" thing, there's supposed to be another, less nonsensical word there besides "themed".)

Anyway, the Smugcoaster icon is terrific, but I think it's missing something crucial to the spirit of this novel...



There we go.

Rahonavis fucked around with this message at 21:37 on May 15, 2013

Iced Cocoa
Jul 14, 2011

Rahonavis posted:

So given that I think we just met our first Halfcoaster character (Bandit), we're agreeing to let this clusterfuck of an "explanation" go, I guess. (Either the humans who built the coasters "themed" them "to be" animals and machines in the actual definition of the word "theme" in an amusement ride context sense, or, given the "concentrated breathing" thing, there's supposed to be another, less nonsensical word there besides "themed".)

Anyway, the Smugcoaster icon is terrific, but I think it's missing something crucial to the spirit of this novel...



There we go.

The best smiley.

As for Halfcoasters, I'm very sure that she didn't come up with it until after writing down that part in Twisted! If Bandit is really a halfcoaster I think it will be made clear in the new edition. There are two halfcoaster characters in Vertigo as far as I can remember, there was this cheetah-based coaster, and a police cruiser based coaster.



quote:

Name: Jagg
Ride Type: Roller Coaster (halfcoaster)
Coaster type: Steel Halfcoaster
Gender: Male
Position in Between: Member of the Halfcoasters
Age: 44 but immature.
Arrived in Between: 1967
Likes: Hunting, snooping, grooming, pestering his allies. Stealing to benefit his clan. Railrunner and his allies.
Dislikes: Bigger rides that want to harm him, pirates, Fallens, others getting the better of him.
Bio: Meet Jagg, a very odd Twisted roller coaster or really halfcoaster. Jagg is the result of a junior roller coaster in the real world themed as a jaguar passing over into Amusement Park Between once he was put into storage for good. Jagg is a member of the very rare halfcoasters and loves to tease everyone around him. When Railrunner meets the halfcoaster for the first time, he's puzzled by what he sees. Jagg is only about the size of a large dog, has large erect ears, whiskers,he is colorblind( only seeing shades of blue) and fur. (Jagg's fur is really lots of very fine strips of metal) However, Railrunner eventually finds Jagg as a useful tool and a good ally.



quote:

Name: Shureshot Seriously, no spellcheck at all!
Ride Type: Roller coaster
Coaster Type: Steel (Halfcoaster)
Gender: Male
Color: Black, Silver, Gold
Position in Amusement Park Between: Leader of the Halfcoasters
Arrived in Amusement Park Between: early 1960's
Age: 47
Likes: His clan of Halfcoasters, Railrunner and his allies, weaponry, practicing his shooting skills.
Dislikes: war, Darkrail, Veinstreak, Fallens, everyone seeing him as unequal, rude full bloods.
Bio: When you first lay eyes on him, you'd think Shureshot was an officer serving Amusement Park Between. Alas, this is not the case. Shureshot is actually not a policemen at all but the result of being themed to look like a squad car in the real world only to pass over into Amusement Park Between as what is known as a Halfcoaster, (a roller coaster that is not fully "coaster" with the disadvantage of not having any of the abilities that a full blooded coaster has.) However, Shureshot is never to be underestimated. He is a self trained sniper and master gunman. He also has a good sence of leadership and natural bravery, making him stand up for the rights and protection of the rare and endangered Halfcoasters in fact there are only about five of them known that are living - including himself. He has become their leader and together they make an elite team that can't be dealt with lightly. Shureshot and the Halfcoasters' history with Railrunner and his allies goes way back even before the red coaster was born. They ran into them by chance and offered help to the struggling and in danger clan. Just recently, Shureshot and his crew meets Railrunner (now mature and King of Amusement Park Between) and his longtime allies. Together they sat out on a journey to find the Lost Souls' lair where the cure for Darkrail's plague, vertigo, is kept secret.

Bobbin Threadbare
Jan 2, 2009

I'm looking for a flock of urbanmechs.

The suburb Huntersburg had been aptly named at the time of its founding, back when it was an independent village and not part of a larger metropolitan area. The dense deciduous forests of the eastern United States had surrounded the community for miles on all sides, making it a minor hub for trappers, fur traders, and eventually sport hunters. As civilization encroached, however, the forests gradually gave way to acres of farmland and a growing city center that would change Huntersburg from a town of hunters and explorers into a town of commuters and grain distributors. A few protected forests remained behind to remind the community's politicians and history buffs of the old days, but they failed to hold a candle to the primeval woods that stretched from one horizon to the next.

Still, they remained big enough to hide a twenty-foot-long race-car-red roller coaster train for a number of hours during a long moonlit night.

While the county and state police were busy inadvertently mimicking their ancestors by hunting through the trees for unusual tracks, the other enforcement divisions were putting their break to good use. Municipal and federal SWAT teams took stock of their weapons and ammunition supplies, loading up on whatever non-American-made equipment they could find. After a bit of checking, Detective Black found that his standard-issue Glock pistol was manufactured in Austria, and so he assisted a quick raid through local gun stores to obtain a supply of European-imported 9mm hollow-point rounds, theorizing that armor-piercing bullets would not be needed if it was indeed the monster's critical weakness. Black himself took the extra step to miniaturize two full boxes' worth of magazines, his magician contact as sleepless as he was that night.

Finally, less than an hour before dawn, the call came: a peculiar set of wheel marks had been found which appeared consistent with Railrunner's movement style and the search parties were collecting in a perimeter around the location, intending to wait for properly armed backup before forcing a confrontation. Detective Black ran out to the helipad where a black FBI helicopter sat, its pilot warming the engine as two agents finished attaching a strange pod underneath the skids at Special Agent Captain's direction.

"So did you get what we need?" Black shouted over the accelerating helicopter blades.

"Even better!" Captain responded. "Turns out elephant bulls go crazy every once in a while, so India makes these electrified nets to subdue them when they have to. The Columbus Zoo got one to test out, but decided it was 'too inhumane.' The Paranormal Activities Section acquired it a few years back to use on dragons and other large magical creatures; now seems like a great time to break it out again. You coming?" The two men smiled as they climbed into the copter and took off.

Ten minutes later, the helicopter was above the target zone. Finding Railrunner's general location was a simple use of radar, its steel hide a bright blip in the dark forest, but its exact hiding spot was harder to pinpoint thanks to the heavy canopy. This also prevented the lawmen from dropping their net, and so instead they used their ride as both a spotter and a beacon, coordinating the SWAT teams in police SUV's to lure the creature out into the open farmland.

"Red team here. We've made visual contact with the tango, but it's not taking the bait. Over."

"He's probably worried about turning human again at sunup," Captain explained. "Take a shot at him. Let him know we've figured out how to hurt him, over."

A subtle flash of light from below revealed the SWAT team's location, and a metallic screech penetrated even through the helicopter's rotor noise and past Black's ear protectors. A wave of birds also scattered into the air, forcing the pilot to lift the helicopter out of their way. "That made him mad!" the SWAT officer shouted over the radio. "Tango is out for blood, repeat, tango is on our tail and closing!"

"You've got a meadow one klick to your west, aim for us, over!" Black responded, tapping the operator's shoulder and getting a nod in reply.

Hovering over the empty field, Black watched with bated breath as further flashes came from the pitch-black forest below, dotting a line towards the safety of open ground. "poo poo! Hit a tree, going on foot, over and out!" the team leader cried, a sudden burst of lights marking where the SUV crashed a few hundred feet away from the forest's edge.

Two endless minutes later, Captain pointed down. "There!" Checking with his night vision binoculars, Black saw three dark figures running full tilt into the chest-high grass and cringed as a fourth was thrown over their heads, digging a dark divot into the dry weeds where he landed. At last, Railrunner himself charged into view, his full attention focused on the three remaining SWAT team members.

"NOW!" Captain shouted. The pilot swooped the helicopter down low over the roller coaster train, causing it to pause, puzzled by the sudden act of aggression. This gave the FBI agent all the time he needed to throw the switch and drop the net all across the front half of the creature below.

At first, Railrunner laughed at the net, unimpressed, but as his claws failed to cut the steel cords and only got himself more tangled, his screams grew louder and angrier. Deciding that enough of the net was now covering the monster, Captain pressed a second switch that electrified the cords and watched with grim satisfaction as Railrunner's cries grew first more pained and then gradually quieter, until finally it ceased to move at all.

As the light of dawn drew down the treetops, the police moved to secure the meadow and close around the fallen roller coaster train, not yet daring to come near it without a few dozen guns pointed at it first. However, as the morning rays touched Railrunner's red steel body, it collapsed in on itself, resolving into the nude figure of Rodney Philips. "Keep him wrapped in the net," Captain ordered, "we don't know what powers he keeps in his human form."

"So do we have a place to put him yet?" Detective Black asked as three officers bore Rodney's still form into the waiting helicopter.

"Oh, we've got something all set up for him," Captain replied with a cruel smirk. "Something nice and medieval."

JosephWongKS
Apr 4, 2009

by Nyc_Tattoo
I've brought the contents page up to date to the latest chapter review and the fan-contributions following therefrom:


Contents Page

0. Blurb, Acknowledgments and Prologue

1. Review of Chapter 1

2. Review of Chapter 2

3. Review of Chapter 3
3A. Picture of Rodney (Provided by EagerSleeper)
3B. Dramatic reading of Chapter 3 (Performed by Mercedes)

4. Review of Chapter 4
4A. Dramatic reading of Chapter 4 (Performed by Mercedes)

5. Review of Chapter 5
5A. Dramatic reading of Chapter 5 (Performed by Mercedes)
5B. Fanart of Rodney and the bartender (Drawn by EagerSleeper)

6. Review of Chapter 6
6A. Miranda Leek's character bio for Railrunner
6B. Miranda Leek's drawings of Railrunner's retractable wheel-claws (Provided by Iced Cocoa)
6C. Dramatic reading of Chapter 6 (Performed by Mercedes)
6D. Miranda Leek's drawings of an ultrasound image of a roller-coaster fetus (Provided by Geokinesis)

6.5 Interlude between Chapter 6 and Chapter 7

7. Guest review of Chapter 7 (Provided by Mercedes)
7A. Alternative book cover 1 (Provided by my dad the SA goon known as "my dad")
7B. Alternative book cover 2 (Provided by the SA goon known as "my dad")

8. Review of Chapter 8
8A. Miranda Leek's drawing of Railrunner's head (Provided by alcharagia)

9. Guest review of Chapter 9 (Provided by Iced Cocoa)
9A. Miranda Leek's character bio for Thunderbark
9C. Miranda Leek's Deviantart drawing of a roller-coaster-weasel (Provided by Iced Cocoa)
9D. Miranda Leek's character bio for Merrylegs
9E. Miranda Leek's character bio for Static
9F. Dramatic reading of Chapter 9 (Performed by the SA goon known as "my dad")

10. Review of Chapter 10
10A. "About the Author and the Illustrator"
10B. :nms: Miranda Leek's character bio for Shadowtrack (Provided by SSNeoman) :nms:
10C. Picture of an adorable dog to cleanse your mind after seeing the drawing of Shadowtrack (Provided by Dreggon)

11. Review of Chapter 11

12. Guest review of Chapter 12 (Provided by Iced Cocoa)
12A. :nms: Miranda Leek's drawing of Railrunner's crotch (Provided by Geokinesis) :nms:
12B. Fanart of Clare riding on Railrunner (Drawn by Rahonavis)
12C. Fanart of Detective Black attacking Railrunner with a machete (Drawn by Iced Cocoa's friend Coydog)
12D. Fanart of Detective Black (Drawn by SSNeoman)
12E. Another picture of an adorable dog to cleanse your mind after seeing the drawing of Railrunner's crotch (Provided by Dreggon)
12F. Dramatic reading of Chapter 12 (Performed by Mercedes)
12G. Various pictures from Miranda Leek's Deviantart account (Provided by Iced Cocoa)

13. Review of Chapter 13
13A. Miranda Leek's picture and bio of Firetrack (Provided by Iced Cocoa)

14. Review of Chapter 14

15. Review of Chapter 15

16. Review of Chapter 16

17. Review of Chapter 17
17A. Fanfiction of Detective Black and Captain Vicks (Written by SSNeoman)
17B. Analysis of the physics of Railrunner's blood-bending (Written by horriblePencilist)
17C. Analysis of the physics of Railrunner's running speed (Written by horriblePencilist)
17D. Miranda Leek's picture of Railrunner's behind (Provided by attackbunny)
17E. Analysis of the physics of Railrunner's ability to fall from a ceiling and land like a cat (Written by horriblePencilist)
17F. Miranda Leek's essay on hunting in were-roller-coaster society (Provided by Iced Cocoa)
17G. Analysis of the physics of were-roller-coaster hunting (Written by horriblePencilist)

18. Review of Chapter 18
18A. Fanfiction of Detective Black (Written by horriblePencilist)
18B. Fanfiction of Detective Black (Written by Mercedes)
18C. Fanfiction of Detective Black (Written by Bobbin Threadbare)

18.5 Interlude between Chapter 18 and Chapter 19

19. Review of Chapter 19
19A. Analysis of the physics of were-roller-coaster flotation (Written by horriblePencilist)
19B. Fanfiction of Detective Black (Written by Bobbin Threadbare)
19C. Analysis of the physics of were-roller-coaster flotation, continued (Written by horriblePencilist)
19D. Railrunner Power Bingo (Contributed by horriblePencilist)
19E. Miranda Leek's drawing of were-roller-coaster anatomy (Provided by horriblePencilist)

20. Review of Chapter 20
20A. Fanart of Moonhoof (Drawn by Rahonavis)
20B. Miranda Leek's drawing of Railrunner in a trench-coat (Provided by horriblePencilist)
20C. Fanfiction of Detective Black (Written by Bobbin Threadbare)
20D. :nms: Miranda Leek's drawings of pregnant roller-coasters :nms: and Drawing of adorable dog to cleanse your mind (Provided by Dreggon)
20E. :nms: Miranda Leek's drawing of pregnant roller-coaster and roller-coaster-fetus :nms: (Provided by SSNeoman)
20F. Fanfiction of thugs who accosted Clare and were later brutally murdered by Railrunner (Written by Jeek)
20G. Fanfiction of Detective Black (Written by Bobbin Threadbare)

21. Review of Chapter 21
21A. Fanfiction of the SWAT captain who was brutally murdered by Railrunner (Written by Mercedes)
21B. Fanfiction of the mouse who was brutally murdered by Railrunner (Written by Oblivion4568238)
21C. Fanfiction of Detective Black (Written by Bobbin Threadbare)
21D. Drawings by other, better artists in Miranda Leek's Deviantart group "Bizarre Anthros" (Provided by SSNeoman)

22. Review of Chapter 22
22A. Analysis of red roller-coaster lifespans (Computed by Iced Cocoa)
22B. Miranda Leek's coloured drawings of Railrunner in jail and Freakshow (Provided by Iced Cocoa)
22C. Someone's Deviantart drawing of an anthropomorphic Kalashnikov (Provided by Abundant Atrophy)

23. Review of Chapter 23
23A. Fanfiction of Railrunner and Roy Orbison (Written by alcharagia)

24. Review of Chapter 24

25. Review of Chapter 25
25A. Miranda Leek's drawing of Railrunner and his Sword of McGuffin (Provided by Iced Cocoa)
25B. Fanfiction of FBI agents carrying out surveilance on Clare's house (Written by Bobbin Threadbare)
25C. Chart showing the number of "sigh" in each chapter of the book (Done by Iced Cocoa)

26. Review of Chapter 26
26A. Fanfiction of the the policemen who were being chased by Railrunner on the road (Written by Bobbin Threadbare)
26B. Miranda Leek's drawing of Moonblood (Provided by Iced Cocoa)
26C. Miranda Leek's drawing of a smug roller-coaster in a bathrobe (Provided by Geokinesis)
26D. :nms: Miranda Leek's drawing of a "sexy" lady roller-coaster in a bikini and fishnet stockings :nms:(Provided by Iced Cocoa)
26E. Drawing of original character "Jolly" Jacktrack (Drawn by SSNeoman)

27. Review of Chapter 27
27A. Miranda Leek's drawing and character bio of Prototype the cyborg roller-coaster (Provided by Iced Cocoa)
27B. Miranda Leek's drawing and character bio of Darkrail (Provided by Iced Cocoa)
27C. Smilie of smug roller-coaster (Drawn by horriblePencilist)
27D. Revised smilie of smug roller-coaster (Drawn by horriblePencilist)
27E. Fanfiction of Detective Black (Written by Bobbin Threadbare)

27.5. Interlude between Chapter 27 and Chapter 28

28. Review of Chapter 28

29. Review of Chapter 29
29A. Miranda Leek's drawings of Merrylegs and Railrunner (Provided by Iced Cocoa)
29B. Smilie of sighing roller-coaster (Drawn by Rahonavis)
29C. Miranda Leek's drawings of cheetah-coaster and police-cruiser-coaster (Provided by Iced Cocoa)
29D. Fanfiction of Detective Black (Written by Bobbin Threadbare)

JosephWongKS
Apr 4, 2009

by Nyc_Tattoo
Chapter 30 - Water Hazard

quote:


It had been three days since we sat sail. Each second we were getting further away from the portal. This meant I was getting farther from Clare. During the days passed, the weather surprisingly improved. The clouds parted and there was nothing but clear skies.


Why is it “surprising” that the weather improved? Is the weather in the region known for being tempestuous at that time of the year? And if so, why would Railrunner be familiar with weather patterns in Amusement Park Between in any event?


quote:


I gazed out from the edge of the deck at the crystal water. I eagerly watched the multicolored fish swim by. My boredom level increased while being on the ship.


He “eagerly” watched the fish while growingly increasingly “bored” at the same time.


quote:


In fact, from the look of it, my friends and the crew were very bored.


Why should the crew be bored? They should be doing their jobs.


quote:


The rides either played cards or some other game native to this world.


"A place from the most imaginative mind", where the games are card games or “some other game native to this world” which the author doesn’t bother to describe.


quote:


Thunderbark walked up next to me. He was just like every member on this ship. The coaster started to toss shiny pebbles into the water. He turned to watch Merrylegs and Static, and then he returned to focus on me.


That can’t be the case – we know for a fact that there are non-roller-coasters on the ship. Two of them were mentioned in the very next sentence.

And where did Thunderbark find pebbles on a ship?


quote:


“Tired?” He asked.

“Mostly exhausted, how much farther is it?”


He’s on a ship, not doing any work, and has had three days to rest. How “exhausted” can he be?


quote:


“Well, Bandit says it will be a few hours.” He sighed.


48th sigh of the book.

Also, why is that something to sigh about? A few hours left on a 3-day voyage means that they’re close to completing the trip.


quote:


I grumbled in response. I was sick of being on Nessie.

“At least we are together to pass the time.” Thunderbark added. He was trying to cheer me up. It was quite obvious. I then decided to get on a new subject.

“If you say so. This is sort of random, but I have wondered this for quite some time. Where did you, Merrylegs, and Static come from?”

Thunderbark was silent for several minutes. He then sighed like he always did right before explaining something bad or important to know.


49th sigh of the book.


quote:


“I will start with Static.” He began. “Static worked at a traveling carnival that hit all the major cities every year. He was the oldest of all the bumper cars. The humans acquired him when the carnival first started out. It was 1968 when he couldn’t work anymore, so the humans cast him aside in storage. Then our world took him in.”

“What about Merrylegs?”

“Merrylegs came to us in the year 1946. She was thrown aside after years of abuse. Humans did not treat her well, but she still loved the children. They were the only ones she liked for a long time, until I made her see goodness in adults.


I’m sure Merrylegs saw goodness in adults in Chapter 18 when she “lowered her horn” and it “pierced through the flesh of humans”.


quote:


She was put into storage forever for several accounts. Her yellow paint was chipping, her mane was falling out, and cuts scarred her wooden body. Also for her indifference.”


For her “indifference”? :psyduck: Do amusement parks in the United States expect their carousel horses to be “enthusiastic” or “passionate”?


quote:


“All right, what about you?”

Thunderbark let out one of his classic sighs again.


50th sigh of the book.


quote:


“It is quite a tale, but I will shorten it as best as I can, Railrunner. It goes something like this- it was the year 1920. I was the fastest and most furious coaster around at the time. My “keeper” loved me; I was like a car to him. A prized jewel. He would wax and polish me weekly. His name was Henry White. He would brag about me as I ran across the rails. I was the “thing” back then. As the years passed, times changed. Henry grew sick, and was bed ridden. I waited in storage for I had grown unserviceable. Amusement Park Between worked its magic, and I transformed into the beast that I am today. After the first day in Amusement Park Between, I found out I could go back into the real world as a human. On the day that I
did, I visited Henry. [no quotation marks]

“What happened?” I interrupted.

“I was in the hospital with him. He lay dying. The nurse told everyone to get out as he drew his last breaths. I entered when everyone left. Henry was still alive and conscious enough to hear me. I told him who I was, and he was happy to see me. But seconds later he died.”

“That’s it?” I asked.

“Yes, Railrunner. All of us rides have a story to tell on how we came to be. Yours overall is the most special. I have to admit.” He smiled.


Railrunner sure is “special”. :downs:


quote:


I didn’t know how to respond to that statement. I simply nodded and said thank you.

Nessie unexpectedly bellowed loudly, the swinging ship began to rock.


So Nessie really is a sentient amusement park Viking ship? Why is she allowing herself to be exploited in this manner?


quote:


Bandit scrambled up to calm her. My heart started to race as Thunderbark became suddenly vigilant. Every ride aboard grew wakeful.

“Something is wrong Thunderbark!”

“I know! I sense it too!” He replied. Merrylegs and Static joined us. The crew scattered in fear. I watched in horror as three dragon-like heads rose gradually out of the water. Finally all of the swinging ships emerged. The middle was the biggest one of them all; its monstrous head looked hideous.

Then I recognized it from my raid at the carnival. Before I became a roller coaster, I rode on it with Clare. When I transformed, I destroyed it. That was when I found out our pursuers were the Fallen.


He knows he destroyed it and caused it to become a “Fallen”, and still he has absolutely no regret or remorse for his actions whatsoever. Our “hero”, ladies and gentlemen.


quote:


Behind me, Bandit roused up the crew, preparing to battle. Thunderbark told Static and Merrylegs to go in the cargo hold for safety. However they resisted his request. I looked back to the advancing enemy. A terrible mocking laugh sliced trough [sic] the air like a knife. There, on the bow of the center ship, was a mangled and mismatched roller coaster. I knew at once who she was.

“Freakshow!” I snarled.

Thunderbark snorted in disgust. “That bitch! Railrunner put your hood up! Freakshow cannot know what you are!” Thunderbark yelled over the calamity. I immediately obeyed him. Good thing Freakshow had not noticed me yet. This was going to be a fight to the death, I thought silently to myself.


How is that different from any of Railrunner’s other fights in this book? He’s brutally murdered at least one person or animal in each of his encounters so far.


quote:


Our ship moved forward in a frantic retreat.


First they “descend upwards”, now they “retreat forwards”. Everything else in Amusement Park Between may be mundane, but the rules of physics are certainly “imaginative”.


quote:


Freakshow laughed menacingly, and then she waved her arm to send a massive fireball toward us. It landed on the deck of our ship, Nessie wailed in agony. Thunderbark ran up onto the stern, and sent out a bolt of lightning in response. Like a trained acrobat, Freakshow flipped out of the way. Then she rained more fire towards Thunderbark. I leaped in front of him and put my wheels together, splitting the stream of the deadly blast. Freakshow glared at me, I smiled in response.

“Fire!” she yelled to her crew. From all the ships, cannonballs were induced. Nessie swerved wildly in the water to avoid them.


A world with “technology that is far more advanced than any humans”, and they use cannonballs as their ship-mounted weapons. Not lasers, not railguns, not even missiles, but cannonballs.


quote:


When one of them hit the water, it sent a rippling wave across the river. One flew just over the deck of our ship, barely missing Static.


Not even guided or heat-seeking or MIRV cannonballs, but plain dumb iron cannonballs.


quote:


Then we decided to fight back.


Right above in this very chapter, “… Bandit roused up the crew, preparing to battle”. How does this not count as having already “decided to fight back”?


quote:


Bandit brought out a big bazooka from the cargo hold. He aimed it at the swinging ship on the right, and fired. The missile met its target.


Bandit’s a roller-coaster too. Why does he need to use weapons? Why doesn’t he just “bend” fire and lightning?


quote:


Rides on board, were shot in the air from the aftershock of the blast. One down, two more to go.

I turned around to see that the ship on the left was right next to us. We were side by side, a hell raising moment for everyone on Nessie. I extracted my claws, and so did Thunderbark.

“I want their blood to stain the wood on their ship!” Thunderbark snarled. Some of our crew leaped onto their ship and began to quarrel with the enemy.


“Quarrel with the enemy”. :lol:


quote:


Unfortunately some of the Fallen boarded our ship. We began to fight once more.


They began to fight “once more”, after a ten-second break from the last time they fought.


quote:


I dug my claws deep into the evil’s flesh. I slaughtered different rides, no matter how big they were.


How did Miranda come to think that “slaughter” is a heroic word?


quote:


I backed up and put my wheels on my sword, but Thunderbark stopped me.

“No! If you bring that thing out, everyone will know!” He said over the agonizing screams. I nodded, and then I turned away from him and began to bend like mad. Electrocuting, scorching, and playing with metal in deadly ways. Static used his shocking cable furiously as Merrylegs brought down heavy hooves onto the backs of the Fallen. Even the ship itself was doing its share, tangling with the other. The sent [sic] of blood was heavy in the air, overpowering the sent [sic] of the sweet water.

I turned to see Merrylegs fleeing from one of those little planes you would see on a kiddie ride. She galloped at full speed into the interior of the ship. Outraged, I followed her, plowing down any unwanted ride in the way.

I rocketed down the stairs, and into the cargo hold. Merrylegs stood against the wall, the plane walked toward her like a prehistoric creature.


Since the type of prehistoric creature is conveniently left unspecified, I suppose that a plane could conceivably walk like a “prehistoric creature”.


quote:


Blood and saliva dripped like a faucet from it mouth. The thing must have bitten Merrylegs, because she had a nasty wound on her leg. With tears of pain in her eyes she screamed in defeat.


Note that all the amusement park ride characters are quick to give up (Thunderbark when faced with the price of a boat in the last chapter, and now Merrylegs after being wounded), while the human police officers and FBI agents are ceaselessly tenacious in their pursuit of Railrunner despite the grevious deaths and injuries inflicted upon them.


quote:


I lunged for the plane, my claws out like a tiger. The next split second, I had the ride pined [sic] on the ground like a pitiful bird that had been caught by a cat. I enclosed my teeth around its neck, snapping it, killing the stupid creature instantly.


Miranda Leek has a wonderful knack for evoking pity and sympathy for her villains and hatred and disgust for her heroes.


quote:


“Are you all right?” I said rushing to her aid.

“My leg,” she moaned. “Railrunner -.”

“I can get the blood off and wrap it up for you.”

“Do it! Lick the poo poo off and wrap it please!” she said with tears running down her face. My forked tongue ran over her wound, I hated to taste her blood, blood of the good. I liked the blood of the enemy. I wanted to taste it so bad, especially Freakshow’s. Even more, Ironwheel’s. I ripped off the cloth from a flour sack and carefully wrapped her leg.


That goes well beyond sexual "subtext" and into plain "text". :stare:


quote:


“Thank you so much Railrunner.” She said. “You saved me.”

“It was no trouble,” I replied to her. Gruesome thoughts suddenly flashed through my mind. They fueled my anger and rage. My mouth started to water as I thought about tasting my enemy. My mind screamed to become the savage beast that I truly was, and to take my enemy out. I swore on that, swore I would make the Fallen and the rest of those mongrels pay. It would be the ultimate price, death.

Another Fallen entered the cargo hold, this time a go-cart. I simply raised my arm and sent out a bolt of lightning. The ride dropped dead before it could reach Merrylegs and me. Static then entered the room completely out of breath and shocked to see Merrylegs in her condition.

“Watch her, Static. Don’t let any one of those assholes get near her! Understand?”

“Roger that.” He replied bravely.

I then rushed back out onto the deck. Thunderbark was wrestling with a big roller coaster. I held out my arm and did what Thunderbark had done to Captain Vick. The attempt worked perfectly.


In honour of Captain Vick, let us recollect how he died bravely in the line of duty:

“Time to bring this coaster into downtime!” he laughed. He aimed the weapon at my head. He placed his hand on the trigger. Before he could fire, a lightning bolt made contact with him. The air started to smell like burning flesh. I turned around to see Thunderbark standing upon the clock tower. He dropped down, landing next to me.


quote:


“Thanks for that.”

“Now I don’t owe you anymore,” I smiled. Then my grin faded when I saw the center ship not but about a hundred yards from us. The ship’s mask [sic] suddenly tangled up with ours. I watched in horror as Freakshow smirked and started to descend up the mangled pole.

I snarled, and backtracked the way I had come, hopping over the many unfortunate. Then I leaped into the sails and bounced back onto the mast, clawing my way up. When I reached the top, Freakshow was already waiting for me. Now that I had a better view of her, I could see that every car was indeed different. Her head being purple, her next car black, green, then blue and so forth. None of her wheels matched, some of them were steel and some wood. Every restraint was different; some were patched up and sewn poorly. Her eyes did not even match, one being green and one being blue. Freakshow was a sorry excuse for a roller coaster.

“Nice day to sail.” She said in a cruel tone. “What, might I ask; are you hiding roller coaster? Under your cloak?” she laughed.

I barred my teeth and snarled.

“Oh come on! We are all freaks! All monsters!”

“Look who is talking on that one.” I retorted.

Freakshow gave me the “I’ve got bodies in my freezer” glare.


What the hell is a “I’ve got bodies in my freezer” glare? Where does Miranda Leek keep finding all these expressions?


quote:



“Come on,” she said waving for me to come closer. “Let’s talk.” She said playfully.

“Ladies first!” I laughed. Freakshow then charged and delivered the first blow, however I returned the favor by knocking her off the wooden pole. To my dismay she grasped the wood and flipped herself up onto where she was like a trapeze artist.

We kept going at it. I threw left hooks and rights as she did so. I bended against her. Lightning and fire searing her back and metal. I could taste the blood in my mouth from hits to my jaw. I extracted my claws again, cutting through her arm and chest. A big gash on both of them, blood pouring out of both the wounds. It pleased me to see the blood of the enemy, and to cause them pain and suffering.


It’s pretty messed up that Railrunner taking pleasure in pain and suffering is being treated unironically in the book as a good thing.


quote:


We both swung at each other again, hoping to give the final blow. I felt excruciating pain as I was hit in the chest at the same time I hit Freakshow.

The attack sent us both backwards across the wooden “balance beam” about fifty feet from each other. I tried to hull [/i][sic][/i] myself up, but the pain was horrible.

When I finally succeeded, I turned around to see my worst nightmare: Freakshow staring at me with my hood off.

For a brief second all we could do was stare at one another. It seemed that the world around us had froze in time in which every thing stopped.

Freakshow opened her mouth to speak, but no sound came out.

“Yeah, you missed me before.”

“Well, I’ll make sure to not miss you this time, red!” she snarled. In the blink of an eye, she let out a concussion beam. Instinct overpowered my body, and I let out a beam in response. Then in a sudden rush, they collided.


Why didn’t you Railrunner shoot his “concussion beams” at the start? Moonhoof went out of her way to point out that he could do it for an “unlimited” number of times, so he can’t even say that he wanted to “conserve his strength” or something.


quote:


The explosion rocked Amusement Park Between, in a relentless earthquake.

Destructive waves ripped through the water. I felt myself flying through the air. Then the hard slap as I hit. I surfaced, but I could barely keep my head up. I could only see the shattered remains of the ships, and the smell of blood filled the water. I felt myself going under. But then a familiar voice reassured me.

“Railrunner!”

Then everything went black.


I hope it stays that way for the rest of the book.

JosephWongKS fucked around with this message at 07:51 on Jun 20, 2013

Iced Cocoa
Jul 14, 2011

But Captain Vick isn't dead. He at least appeared pretty unharmed in Chapter 27:

quote:

I ran, no man noticed me at first till one saw my face. From there the chase was on. Without thinking, I ran into the road. I stared into the eyes of Captain Vick. He smiled evilly.

“There you are, Railrunner.” He said simply. “Any reason you are in disguise?”

I flipped him off and bolted into an alley made between two apartment complexes. It came to a dead end, and the humans were not far behind. I looked around desperate, I spotted a fire escape. My agility was still in use even in this body. Like a cat, I leaped straight onto the second level of the fire escape. I climbed it with ease, making it to the top in less than a few seconds. I began to run across the rooftop, a helicopter now joined in the pursuit. My heart started to race, I reached the edge of the six-story building.

And for some reason I could have sworn that the ride Railrunner recognized was that ferris wheel from the final confrontation in chapter 18. I guess my imagination took me on a ride when picturing a 10 ton 8.5 ton roller coaster climbing up a ferris wheel.

And since I already linked the colored illustration of that chapter, have the only other drawing that exists of Freakshow:



This drawing is newer than the previous Freakshow one. How can you get worse at drawing?

quote:

Name: Freakshow
Ride Type: Roller Coaster (Fallen)
Coaster Type: A mixture of wood and steel
Gender: Female
Color: An array of colors: Her head is purple, second car is black, blue, orange, turquoise, yellow, silver, dark green, and last car is blue. Two different color eyes. One blue one green.
Position in Amusement Park Between: Was the General for Ironwheel's main army.
Arrived in between: 1958
Likes: To torture, fighting, draw blood, Ironwheel, the Fallen, anything that brings pain and suffering. War in general.
Dislikes: Railrunner, Thunderbark, Humans, the Amusement Park Between alliance.Anything not evil.
Tattoos, Markings: MANY
Bio: Freakshow has one of the worst reputations in Amusement Park Between's history. First of all her name comes from the fact that she was put together out of spare roller coaster parts, both wood and steel, in the real world just for kicks after she was involved in a fatal crash due to poor maintenance. She was then burned by many teenage ride operators. When she came to Amusement Park Between to start her afterlife as an evil Fallen with hatred for all good rides and especially humans. A monster had been born. Driven by hatred, jealousy, and dangerous hormonal WHAT? mix of both wood and steel, Freakshow to kill any coaster or ride that was beautiful for she was an eyesore, an unacceptable mix. After numerous murders of many innocent rides, Freakshow was captured and placed in an insane asylum, slowly getting even more mad. When Ironwheel plotted to take over Amusement Park Between, he searched for someone that shared his same raging hatred for the alliance What alliance? and humans. He soon found Freakshow and broke her out of the asylum. Ironwheel then cast her to be the general of his army or Fallens who invaded Between. Ironwheel then became king once he murdered King Moonblood (the red at the time) and Freakshow remained his general and they both gripped Between in a vice. Many years later, Railrunner is born and as Angeltrack, Thunderbark, Merrylegs, Static, and the newborn red that was destined to end their evil rein made a beeline for the real world. However, Freakshow and her fleet we catching up to them and as a desperate bid to same her son, Angeltrack handed newborn Rairunner to Thunderbark before they were to enter the real world and she sacraficed herself to Freakshow; who killed her believing that she was currently still expecting. However, when Railrunner returns to Between as full grown red roller coaster, he targeted Freakshow, hitting it.

Iced Cocoa fucked around with this message at 09:09 on May 16, 2013

JosephWongKS
Apr 4, 2009

by Nyc_Tattoo

Iced Cocoa posted:


This drawing is newer than the previous Freakshow one. How can you get worse at drawing?


Miranda Leek is clearly also a fine follower of the Dominic Deegan School of Art.

FairyNuff
Jan 22, 2012

quote:

I watched in horror as Freakshow smirked and started to descend up the mangled pole.

Again?

I wonder if when Miranda was going through her thesaurus for interesting words (quarrel for fight etc) she mistakenly read descend as being a synonym for climb.

attackbunny
May 1, 2009

Geokinesis posted:

Again?

I wonder if when Miranda was going through her thesaurus for interesting words (quarrel for fight etc) she mistakenly read descend as being a synonym for climb.
Miranda's thesaurus also lists antonyms. Miranda doesn't know what an antonym is. Really, we're lucky that nobody's yet antonymed up a pole.

quote:

Driven by hatred, jealousy, and dangerous hormonal mix of both wood and steel, Freakshow to kill any coaster or ride that was beautiful for she was an eyesore, an unacceptable mix.
"What's her problem?" "Pfft, hormones. That and she's ugly."

Miranda is an actual female person. How does she write this bullshit?


Bobbin Threadbare posted:


"NOW!" Captain shouted. The pilot swooped the helicopter down low over the roller coaster train, causing it to pause, puzzled by the sudden act of aggression. This gave the FBI agent all the time he needed to throw the switch and drop the net all across the front half of the creature below.

At first, Railrunner laughed at the net, unimpressed, but as his claws failed to cut the steel cords and only got himself more tangled, his screams grew louder and angrier. Deciding that enough of the net was now covering the monster, Captain pressed a second switch that electrified the cords and watched with grim satisfaction as Railrunner's cries grew first more pained and then gradually quieter, until finally it ceased to move at all.

As the light of dawn drew down the treetops, the police moved to secure the meadow and close around the fallen roller coaster train, not yet daring to come near it without a few dozen guns pointed at it first. However, as the morning rays touched Railrunner's red steel body, it collapsed in on itself, resolving into the nude figure of Rodney Philips. "Keep him wrapped in the net," Captain ordered, "we don't know what powers he keeps in his human form."

"So do we have a place to put him yet?" Detective Black asked as three officers bore Rodney's still form into the waiting helicopter.

"Oh, we've got something all set up for him," Captain replied with a cruel smirk. "Something nice and medieval."
Bobbin, I'm sure you hear this all the time but you're wonderful.

horriblePencilist
Oct 18, 2012

It's a Dirt Devil!
Get it?

Rahonavis posted:

Anyway, the Smugcoaster icon is terrific, but I think it's missing something crucial to the spirit of this novel...



There we go.

How could I forget? I have much to learn.


Anyway, wrote some Detective Black fanfiction as if it was written by Miranda Leek. I call it "fanfanfiction".

Not quite Miranda posted:

Chapter 420: The Focussing Encounter

The full moon hung high. I ran along as fast as could, way faster than any sports car could keep the velocity up with. I crushed the asphalt beneath my mighty wheels, leaving a trale of destruction behind me "It's no rails, but it'll have to do", I sighed with a grin on my roller coaster face. My dragon-like eyes, which had adjusted to the dark, spied a police car parked next to a orphanage from afar. I let out a pestered sigh and charged right at it, ramming it into the inferior human building next to it. To my mood that would please me, I used my superhuman earsight to hear the policemen's scream underneath the violent and hardening explosion. I lunched into the air and landed on the top of a building as gentle and cushioned as a cat.

+++

Suddenly, Railrunner spyd a shadowy figure in the corner of his eye. In the darkness, it was hard to make out his face, but on closer examination, he recognized him. "Black", he sighed, with a toothy snarl. "Give up, roller coaster. We have you now. Let us shoot you and put you into a prison with an impossible escape", the Detective sighed with a shaky and weak voice. Railrunner let out a gruntful sigh. "You make me furious… Big mistake." Railrunner leaped of the the tree and did a kick flip and landed right in front of the Detective. His super smell which he uses for hunting picked up a foul cent. "What's the matter, Black? That your breath, or did you poop your diaper already?", sighed Railrunner. Detective Black let out a sigh and sighed, "N-n-no! And you are under arrest! Get him!" Suddenly, Railrunner was surrounded with me from the FBI, tanks from the military and helicopters from the navy. Railrunner sighed and all the tank and the helicopters exploded. "I have telekinesis? Cool.", he sighed.

Suddenly, Railrunner was surprised without his awareness by a stealthlike FBI man who shot a net at him, trapping him.

+++

That stupid net trapped me. "drat, I'm trapped!", I sighed.

Chapter 421: The Problemless Escape

+++

"Nets can't hold a red", Railrunner sighed and tore through the net. "Oh no," Detective Black sighed terrorriously, "he tore through the net! And he's getting back on his fee- I mean wheels and is running away! Shoot at him, but don't shoot yourselfes!" Railrunner got on his wheels and ran away. The policemen pulled out their guns and started shooting at Railrunner, but they all bounced off his awesome metal hide and ricocheted back into the policemen. "You can't beat a ride from Amusement Park Between, we're just too tall advanced!", Railrunner sighed in the distance to tease Detective Black.


Iced Cocoa posted:

The best smiley.

As for Halfcoasters, I'm very sure that she didn't come up with it until after writing down that part in Twisted! If Bandit is really a halfcoaster I think it will be made clear in the new edition. There are two halfcoaster characters in Vertigo as far as I can remember, there was this cheetah-based coaster, and a police cruiser based coaster.






So we have Static and Thunderbark in a furry- and policeman costume respectively. Riveting.

Seraphic Neoman
Jul 19, 2011


Are we sure it's a girl writing these stories?

I mean look at this: Merrylegs, the ~gurl~ is the one who gets wounded and has to have Railrunner save her. Clare needs Railrunner to save her from the muggers/rapists. Railrunner wears a trenchcoat and manages to fight hand to hand without anyone seeing his face or body. He also gets an awesome sword so cool.

And I feel really bad for Miranda if she know what a "I've got bodies in my freezer" look is. :ohdear:

And I have never, never heard of any character refer to their blood as "poo poo".

Seraphic Neoman fucked around with this message at 18:36 on May 16, 2013

my dad
Oct 17, 2012

this shall be humorous

SSNeoman posted:

Are we sure it's a girl writing these stories?

I mean look at this: Merrylegs, the ~gurl~ is the one who gets wounded and has to have Railrunner save her. Clare needs Railrunner to save her from the muggers/rapists. Railrunner wears a trenchcoat and manages to fight hand to hand without anyone seeing his face or body. He also gets an awesome sword so cool.

Internalized misogyny is a real thing.

If you're a horny teen who is constantly being bombarded with the "strong boys rescue hot girls" message and decide to "write" a "book" with "illustrations" you're likely going to end up with poo poo like this.

horriblePencilist
Oct 18, 2012

It's a Dirt Devil!
Get it?

my dad posted:

Internalized misogyny is a real thing.

If you're a horny teen who is constantly being bombarded with the "strong boys rescue hot girls" message and decide to "write" a "book" with "illustrations" you're likely going to end up with poo poo like this.

I think it's because she chooses generic action story tropes over integrity, morals, ethics, etc.

GrizzlyCow
May 30, 2011

JosephWongKS posted:

How did Miranda come to think that “slaughter” is a heroic word?

She lives in a culture that glorifies violence, and like with other elements of her story, she straight copies tropes without ever thinking critically about them. She takes out a page from the modern FPS school of writing: bad guys are bad because I say so; there is no gray. It is easier for FPS to get away with this because of the medium, but for a book, it leads to stories like this.

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Cuntpunch
Oct 3, 2003

A monkey in a long line of kings
A new hypothesis:

The true intrinsic flaw of all of Miranda's amusement park rides is crippling myopia. Railrunner, a 20-foot long red coaster - the only single coaster in existence with red on his hull - can have prolonged conversations and close-range combat with assailants while wearing little more than a coat and nobody notices he's red until his hood comes down? That's not an oversight in the heat of battle, that's clinical blindness. So maybe Miranda's intended hidden depth to Railrunner is that those initial outbursts of violence weren't expressly meant to be lethal - he simply missed on the warning swings and ended up murdering people. He's suffering from a nervous breakdown where his means of coping with the blood on his hands is to attempt to wash it away with more blood and believe that he truly, sincerely, is a killer at heart.

Alternately, while attempting to cope with the Stockholm Syndrome of being in Miranda Leek's world for so long I come up with the following.

Railrunner is a manifested psychotic episode of Rodney; Who stressed by unemployment, social isolation from friends, and a collapsing relationship with Clare made his way to the run-down old amusement park that his parents never took him to. This was a trauma that scarred him for life, he convinced himself that he actually hated amusement parks until his world collapsed and he made his way there - the amusement park on the edge of a growing city, and convinced himself that he was employed; that he made new friends; that Clare would love him again; that he was special and had a destiny. But deep down he was still ashamed because he couldn't buy fully into this new fantasy and so he began to lash out at the 'real world' in a childish attempt to stand apart from it. It escalated from a random barfight to literally killing some petty thugs and then a showdown with the police - when they finally captured him and locked him away, he completely disassociated with reality and believed himself to have gone to 'Amusement Park Between' where he was a messianic figure. Fragments of reality came through in the form of these 'Fallen' - manifestations of the nurses and doctors attempting to cure him of his madness - and culminating in his brief return to the 'real world' when Clare came to visit him at the hospital.

Maybe Miranda's long play with these books is that they aren't just horrible fanfiction filled with plagiarism from countless other teen-lit & television sources from the past decade - but a knowing nod that Rodney's fantasy is influenced by these things. The books aren't written from an omniscient perspective of a storyteller, but instead as a narration of the clinical notes of one of the undoubtedly countless doctors attempting to understand the delusions of a man driven to madness by the recession.

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