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JosephWongKS
Apr 4, 2009

by Nyc_Tattoo


Chapter 64 – Proportionate
Part One


quote:


I thundered across the pavement after Clare and Ironwheel. My nightmares gave me the upper hand this time around. I knew exactly where he and Clare were headed and that was the clock tower on the west side of town. I thought any minute from now I would have to bite Clare, making her be mine forever in other words.


Railrunner still has not told Clare what he plans to do to her, let alone gotten her consent to it. Also note that this is all about possession, “making her be [his] forever”.


quote:


The road to the tower started to back up from fleeing cars. I swerved onto the wrong side of the road and continued from there. I shoved large trucks that had been abandoned out of my wake. They fell onto the road like rocks as I and my allies passed through.


Railrunner never misses an opportunity to be an absolute poo poo-heel.


quote:


“Are we heading to the place in your dream!” Thunderbark shouted over the honking of cars on the other side of the freeway.

“Yes we are,” I replied as I pushed an eighteen wheeler out onto the shoulder of the road.

“Not to anger you, but how accurate are your dreams?” he continued.

“A hundred percent.” I said turning to give him a reassuring smile. I spun around to see that more abandoned cars littered the road way, seeing this, Thunderbark snorted behind me in disgust.

“Let’s travel through the Lower Fifth, I know that it is a shortcut.” Thunderbark said as he changed direction. I made my shift along with him, the Lower Fifth was an underground tunnel that led to downtown. Thunderbark was correct, it was a shortcut.

We now ran along a stretch of road that was under construction. It was pitted with holes and was besieged with construction vehicles. Static and Merrylegs pushed harder in avoiding obstacles as Thunderbark and I glided through. The mangled concrete finally opened up into a large tunnel. The Lower Fifth consisted of many different roads that led through the underground only to be separated by barriers or walls. All in all it was a messy maze only to have road signs to guide you.

“Which way!” Static yelled, his voice echoing throughout the tunnel. I stopped and sniffed for Ironwheel’s reeking scent, sure enough it was easily noticeable.

“Follow me!” I yelled as I took off again. My heart pumped rapidly as my muscles tightened and loosened.


“My muscles tightened and loosened”.


quote:


My lungs took in massive amounts of air as I ran. My nostrils flared as my wheels thudded lightly across the asphalt. At the speed I was going, which was faster than any normal real world coaster, would make a sports car look like a dune buggy with a flat.

Thunderbark met up beside me, sailing over a disabled car in the process. He seemed to still be leaking blood from the slash along his chest even after he welded it up. He seemed to be fighting the pain along with me; the both of us were too determined. His long eyebrows as [sic] small beard blew in the rushing wind making the dragon appearance return.


gently caress You I’m You Are Not A Dragon.


quote:


His light blue eyes frosted in fury, changing color to the change in light. It was nice to have such faithful support running beside me, let alone a family member.


Scumbags do tend to flock together.


quote:


I then took my focus off Thunderbark and back to the road before me. My heart fluttered in my chest as I saw a garbage truck blocking the exit, in which it was impossible for neither of us to squeeze through.


They’ve spent half the chapter “[shoving] large trucks” and “[pushing] an eighteen wheeler”. Why are they now balking at a single garbage truck? Come on Miranda Leek, is it really that much effort to remember what you had written earlier in the same chapter?


quote:


“Nice of choice for a shortcut, Thunderbark!” I said crudely.

Thunderbark only looked at the obstruction and laughed. With a sudden burst of speed, he sped on ahead. Thunderbark charged at the truck like a rhino. He then rammed it from underneath, pushing the cab up into the ceiling. Shards from the truck flew all over the place as Thunderbark trust [sic] the garbage truck up and out. He turned to grin like a kid who had just been given candy at me. If an impact to the truck came from a bus, both vehicles would have suffered severe damage. Thunderbark stood there in mint condition.


Note that besides capturing Clare (a legitimate target, since she’s no innocent bystander but had fully thrown in her lot with Railrunner and his murderous posse), Ironwheel has not actually caused any property damage. All the damage during the chase had been inflicted by Railrunner and gang.

JosephWongKS fucked around with this message at 11:21 on Jun 30, 2013

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DicktheCat
Feb 15, 2011



I know I'm a bit late to the game on this, but here's my interpretation of Detective Black:



His nose has that bump in it from being broken so many times it didn't ever heal right.

He's very tired of this poo poo, as you can see.

JosephWongKS
Apr 4, 2009

by Nyc_Tattoo


Chapter 64 – Proportionate
Part Two


quote:


“You were saying?” he demanded.

“Nothing,” I replied as I bolted past him and back out into the surface world. I heard Thunderbark and the others laugh behind me as they followed along, but then their laughter faded as they saw Ironwheel emerge from the south and begin to scale the clock tower. I stopped and stared at him as he carried the screaming Clare. I gulped, I knew the time was almost here.

“Thunderbark can you make me a promise?” I said turning in his direction.

“Yes I can Railrunner.” He replied looking at me with agony and hints of wonder in his ice eyes.

“Promise me that you will not - catch Clare.” I said with the words halfway getting caught in my throat.


No, that was not a typo. Railrunner asked Thunderbark to promise to “not” catch Clare. Railrunner actively wants Clare to be brought to near-death so that he can transform her into a roller-coaster without her knowledge or consent.


quote:


“I promise,” Thunderbark said bowing his head. “Railrunner?” he asked looking deeply at me again.

“Yes?” I replied pondering what else there was for him to say at this very moment in time.

“Forget that little thing I told you about love two and a half months ago.” He said with a slight smile.

I returned a grin; Thunderbark had finally given in to Clare. He realized that love never truly is broken apart, no matter what obstacles get in the way.


I’m not sure about whether love “never truly is broken apart”, but I do know that “love” isn’t a mass murderer forcing a roller-coaster transformation onto a dying, half-conscious woman.


quote:


I looked at all of them briefly for a minute and then turned and headed for the tower. Ironwheel clung to its top as he toyed around with Clare, holding her out acting like he was going to drop her as she made shrieks of terror.

Ironwheel was making a mistake, the more he made me mad, the worse it was going to be for him.

I ran across the clearing and dug my claws into the brick surface of the clock tower. Hyped on anger and rage, my heart began to pound. I thrust one arm forward and then another, scaling the tower a few feet at a time. Above Ironwheel laughed maniacally, he was going to get it. He had it coming to him for decades, with his nasty habit of wanting to watch Amusement Park Between drown in its own blood. Now the tables were turned, Ironwheel would be drowning in his.

Ironwheel was now ten yards from my grasp. I snarled, daring him to make a move. I had to be careful about the situation as the thought of the dreams and Clare came into mind. I would settle the score with Ironwheel, but at the moment, time was not quite right. He looked down onto me with his hellish eyes and snickered.

“What’s this? A sudden act of courage, Railrunner?” Ironwheel said in a deep and ravenous tone. “You’re a fool for caring so dearly about this pitiful human. Cockroaches the simpletons are. To humans, their own species is kin, but in their eyes, you’re just a freak. A monster in other words. A death machine. We all are Railrunner, the abominations nature never intended.” He finished laughing quietly to himself.

“That is because you do not know the goodness in them,” I replied struggling to keep a hold of the clock tower’s surface.


Railrunner knows all about the goodness “in them”, having made a study of the innards of the many humans he’s eviscerated in the course of his multiple rampages across Huntersberg / burg / ville.


quote:


“Goodness! Ha! Apparently you have gone off the rails a few times. Humans don’t give a drat about nothing! All they do is use you till you’re nothing but a metal frame! Or in my case, play too rough and be too ignorant to notice what the hell they are doing!”

“You’re wrong!” I said through clenched teeth.

Ironwheel simply laughed. Clare cried for help again. Ironwheel raised her up to be eye level with him. He then roared in her face and Clare let loose bloodcurdling screams. In the back of my mind, I knew what was going to happen and where this was leading.

“Hear her scream!” Ironwheel bellowed.

“Let her go!” I yelled, knowing my words would set off a chain reaction. Ironwheel looked at me, he smiled, showing all of his yellowed and blood stained teeth.

“I have some advice for you, Railrunner. Learn to choose your words better!” he laughed. I could only watch as he suspended Clare in midair by the collar on the back of her jacket. One by one, his wheels came off the purple fabric. With one last yank, Clare detached from him, beginning her fall, to her death.

“RRRRRAAAAAIIIILLLRRRUUNNER!” Clare screamed as she fell through the cold air. I watched her only to realize that the time had come. Clare would enter her new life soon enough.


Railrunner still has not told her his plans or gotten her consent thereto.


quote:


I reached out for her, Clare reached out for me, but her frail arms could not extend far enough.


Fourth time that Clare has been described as “frail”.

Bobbin Threadbare
Jan 2, 2009

I'm looking for a flock of urbanmechs.



How does a town with precisely two tall buildings in it manage to get itself a giant underground labyrinth of a road tunnel system?

JosephWongKS
Apr 4, 2009

by Nyc_Tattoo


Chapter 64 – Proportionate
Part Three of Four


quote:


I watched her, realizing that she was falling to her certain doom. This was the eclipse of our lives, a point where everything was in a haze. Clare grew closer to the ground, my heart pounded more rapidly. Then it skipped a beat as she hit with a horrible crack.


Railrunner bears responsibility for this turn of events as well, as he had expressly asked Thunderbark to “not - catch Clare”.


quote:


Ironwheel laughed as I leaped down from the tower and ran to her broken body. Ironwheel jumped off the tower, landing a few meters from me. I stood over Clare and snarled at Ironwheel like a dog. The black coaster smiled and pretended like he did not even care.

“I would love to watch you mourn, but I have things to do and things to gain.” He finished chuckling and racing off into the night.

I turned my attention to Clare. I cupped my wheels under her head. She was alive, but only just. Blood seeped out of her cut and wounds onto the concrete. She stared up at me with her eyes, growing dull with every altered breath. I lay my head upon her chest and listened to her fading heartbeat, growing weaker every second. I tilted my head back and let out a long howl of sorrow. Thunderbark, Merrylegs, and Static rushed over to Clare’s side. Thunderbark looked at me trying to say something, but he could barely talk.

“She - will. Clare has chosen right. You know what to do Railrunner.” Thunderbark muttered still looking at Clare’s face that was turning paler.


Clare has not “chosen” at all!


quote:


I looked down at Clare, who shifted slightly. She looked up at me with eyes that dimmed greatly.

“R...R...Railrunner?” she uttered, her voice trailing off.

“Yes Clare?” I said letting an icy tear roll out from the corner of my eye.

“I...love...you.” She sighed. I lay my head to her chest and let out sobs.


Here it comes. :negative:


quote:


I could not stand to see her in pain. I raised my head and looked at her again. Clare’s breath shortened, she looked up with her eyes closing. I knew what I had to do. I winced as I leaned in close to her neck; my hot breath against her skin. I opened my mouth and edged in closer, watching Clare’s chest rise for a final time. I pressed my tooth on her skin, its sharp point piercing through. I began to pump venom into her near dead body. I kept it up for ten long seconds, and finally could not stand it any longer.

I rose up and looked at her, she was lifeless. I turned to Thunderbark worried as hell. I looked back at Clare to see that she had not moved. I focused in on Thunderbark again. Sadness hit me like an earthquake.

“It is not working is it?” I asked with tears filling the corners of my eyes and my voice muffled.


Tension rising…


quote:


He looked at me and then bent down and sniffed her body. “She should be all right. It takes a minute or so for the curse to completely consume her.”


And defused in the next line.


quote:


My spirit began to soar; Clare was to survive after all. Now all there was to do was linger. I stood there unmoving, waiting for her to awake and change.

Thunderbark and the others stood a few feet back from Clare. Merrylegs every so often, would edge forward to see if she had a hint of life in her. Static jittered with unease too. Thunderbark only waited patiently not saying a word. I was with Static and Merrylegs on this one, to [sic] excited and on the edge of my seat.


Shouldn’t it be on the edge of his “seats”? Roller-coasters have so many seats on their backs, after all.


quote:


Suddenly a strange noise came from Clare. I bent down to investigate. Clare’s wounds started to shrink until they were no longer visible. Her skin started to turn a lilac tint and her hair began to fall out. The horrible sound of cracking bones made her extend her limbs out as if a jolt of electricity ran through her. Clare’s skin began to stretch as her body began to grow. Her eyes suddenly flew open, but they were no longer human; they were the classic cat-like appearance. Yellow orbs with the telltale slit.


Ladies and gentlemen, I present you, SHADOWTRACK!

:gonk: :gonk: :gonk: :gonk: :gonk: :gonk: :gonk: :gonk: :gonk: :gonk: :gonk: :gonk: :gonk: :gonk:


quote:


I watched her change in awe. I had never actually seen a transformation, let alone my own. Clare’s was different; I watched it as if it was on a screen. I started to take a few steps back as she took up too much space. Then her transformation completed the final details, and then she became a full fledged roller coaster. Just the way she wanted.


She never said she “wanted” this!

Bobbin Threadbare
Jan 2, 2009

I'm looking for a flock of urbanmechs.



JosephWongKS posted:

She never said she “wanted” this!

You mean...she never asked for this?

JosephWongKS
Apr 4, 2009

by Nyc_Tattoo


Chapter 64 – Proportionate
Part Four of Four


quote:


Clare slowly stood up and howled. I felt myself move in closer. She still had her back turned to me so I took further observation. Clare was a purple steel coaster, lilac as her base color with dark purple lines that swirled, forming little figures and patterns all over her body. Clare was small for a roller coaster, probably because her puny size as a human.


:biotruths: for roller-coasters. :lol:


quote:


Overall, she was even more beautiful as a coaster. Finally, I thought, we were balanced.

“Clare?” I asked.

She spun around quickly, but then I then discovered I had forgotten something. A roller coaster only gained control on their first full moon at its peak in the sky. I gulped and prepared myself.


Tension rising…


quote:


Clare peeled back her lips and snarled, her white pointed teeth shinning in the light. Her muscles tensed up as she prepared to strike. Then her yellow eyes looked to the moon, and she paused. I turned my attention to what she gazed at. I sighed in relief to find that the moon was at its highest.


And defused in the very next paragraph. :negative:


quote:


Clare then began the phase where she would “rid the demon”. She began to jerk and double over in agony again, but that step was quickly resolved.


I wish this whole book could be “quickly resolved” too. But no, there are two more chapters after these, and they are the longest chapters in the book. :negative:


quote:


Clare sat hunched over staring at the ground breathing harshly. I ran over and helped Clare to her new sets of wheels. She raised her head and looked at me deep in the eyes.

“Railrunner.” She said. Her voice was ever so lovely; it was such a mystic tone, more beautiful than the gentle melody of a violin.

“Nice to see you again,” I smiled. Clare emitted a small grin. She then put her wheels on her forehead and sighed.


102nd sigh of the book!!!


quote:


“I feel weird,” she said. Funny, she had not realized what she was yet. I held back a giggle.


Railrunner treats the irrevocable transformation of his girlfriend’s entire appearance and nature without her foreknowledge or consent as a prank.


quote:


“Do you think I’m fat? I feel like I’ve gained weight, a lot of weight.”

“No, but what do you think?” I said biting my lip.

“What do you mean, Railrunner?” she asked confused. “I just said that I feel really strange that’s all.”

“I don’t know quite how to say this, but -.”

Clare interrupted with a laugh. “If you’re going to say something just -” she stopped as soon as she looked down to see her chest and belly. Her eyes widened as she held up a set of wheels, looking at them speechless. Clare then felt her head, letting her wheels run across smooth leather seats. She then glanced back at me, standing there smiling like a little girl.

“I’m - a roller coaster.” She said. She then grinned the biggest grin I had seen from her and gave me a hug, and this time I could hug her back without crushing her.


It couldn’t happen to a more deserving person.


quote:


“Oh, I’m so happy! Thank you!” she exclaimed.

“You’re welcome,” I replied.

Thunderbark and the others came over and met the both of us. “Railrunner is lucky to have you. I’m happy to say that you are now able to spend the rest of your life with him in Amusement Park Between. However, before we return to our home, Railrunner you have some unfinished business to take care of.” Thunderbark said to us with a courageous look.

I glared ahead to realize that Thunderbark was correct. It was the time that I had longed for so terribly, it had finally come. The time to get revenge.


:argh: :argh: :argh: :argh: :argh: :argh: :argh: :argh: :argh: :argh: :argh: :argh: :argh: :argh: :argh: :argh:

JosephWongKS fucked around with this message at 10:20 on Jun 30, 2013

attackbunny
May 1, 2009


quote:

I could only watch as he suspended Clare in midair by the collar on the back of her jacket. One by one, his wheels came off the purple fabric. With one last yank, Clare detached from him, beginning her fall, to her death.

“RRRRRAAAAAIIIILLLRRRUUNNER!” Clare screamed as she fell through the cold air. I watched her only to realize that the time had come. Clare would enter her new life soon enough.
So while he's dropping her in slow motion Clare just... hangs there and waits to fall to her death? Like an inanimate object? She doesn't kick or struggle or try to hang on or anything? The best she can do is scream “RRRRRAAAAAIIIILLLRRRUUNNER!”?

All the tension was defused like three chapters before it ever had a chance to rise. Even before we get up the tower we know that Railrunner's going to bait Ironwheel into dropping her and then let the woman he claims to love smash on the pavement for his own benefit and then she'll be transformed into a roller coaster. If at least her death didn't need to be part of the transformation and Railrunner was rushing to bite her before she died completely that would at least be something.

Though let's be honest, if Clare's death wasn't an integral part of it Railrunner would have done it straight away.

quote:

Finally, I thought, we were balanced.
Yay! Clare is finally good enough for Railrunner!

gently caress this entire book. gently caress it sideways with a running chainsaw.

Seraphic Neoman
Jul 19, 2011




That was hosed up. That was some seriously hosed up poo poo. He never once mentioned this idea to Clare. He was totally willing to let her die so that she can become a roller-coaster.

And of course we get some roller-coaster master race bullshit from Railrunner. Goddamn this book. This horrible, loving book.

my dad
Oct 17, 2012

this shall be humorous


SSNeoman posted:

And of course we get some roller-coaster master race bullshit from Railrunner. Goddamn this book. This horrible, loving book.

:godwinning: Mein Achterbahnkampf, by Miranda Leek. :godwinning:

where the red fern gropes
Aug 24, 2011




If you kill yourself after reading this, do you turn into a coaster? :smithicide:

Fatal Error
Feb 13, 2013

by sebmojo


Every word of this "book" makes me cringe. This abomination should never have been released, reading this chapter gave me a headache. This is sooo hosed up. Miranda's got some serious issues :smith:

Madoushi
May 9, 2003

Some days, you just get up on the wrong side of the bed...

quote:

He looked at me and then bent down and sniffed her body. “She should be all right. It takes a minute or so for the curse to completely consume her.”

How the gently caress is it even a curse if everyone agrees that being a roller coaster is totally the best? Did Miranda almost achieve self-awareness for a second there?

Focacciasaurus_Rex
Dec 13, 2010


Oblivion4568238 posted:

So, in review, I have two complaints about your writing. One is a mild general issue, and one is a specific point that you messed up.

All in all, good job.

Actually that one specific point is, as you supposed, me missing that line when editing in a perspective switch. That scene was originally supposed to be from Freak Show's perspective, hanging out on the ceiling. Then it was Iron Wheel's. Then I decided third person was best and wasn't quite as thorough on my second pass. And that "but" was supposed to be a "so", but it it could have been better written from the start, yeah.. And run run on sentences are a constant problem with me. Many were culled in the writing of that post. After a while I was kinda running out of steam and missed a few key points, too. (How, when mistreated, conditionless love can turn into abject hatred. Like Freakshow. Or that the "suffering" requirement of the coasterfication process was the suffering already induced by Rail Runner.)

DicktheCat posted:

Oh, yeah, Rex, I don't want to seem like I'm jumping on you, since Oblivionlotsanumbers gave you some critique, but I want to point out a grammar thing.

Otherwise, I'm really digging your story. I really like that you're sticking with the mechanical aspect of the coasters, what with the medicated oil and such.

Eh it's no problem, if I didn't want feedback I wouldn't have posted it. I'm not one of those thin skinned DA goers who thinks my stuff is beyond critique. I was more worried I was just making GBS threads up the thread with it and being ignored, than anything. Glad it was well received. :swoon:



To be honest you two, that's about as much as I can squeeze out of this setting without rewriting it entirely. I was considering a screenplay, but I can't think of a single actor :black101: enough to play Detective Black. Or enough of a monster to play Rail Runner. Or anyone willing to sacrifice their career getting even near this crap.

Anyway, Thanks for the critique. I appreciate it.

Focacciasaurus_Rex fucked around with this message at 16:01 on Jun 30, 2013

Djeser
Mar 22, 2013


it's crow time again



After finding out about this thread only a short while ago, I've finally gotten through all of it and I'm proud to be here before the end. Truly, it has been a :stonklol: journey.

Time to start working on my own Detective Black Clare fanfic.

Djeser fucked around with this message at 20:06 on Jun 30, 2013

hyperhazard
Dec 4, 2011

I am the one lascivious
With magic potion niveous

quote:

"Do you think I’m fat? I feel like I've gained weight, a lot of weight."

"Hey, remember when I was kidnapped by a roller coaster, thrown 10 stories to my death, and died in terrible agony? Me neither."

Djeser
Mar 22, 2013


it's crow time again



Part 1

I'm in the hands of a black roller coaster car on top of a clock tower, like the dumbest King Kong ripoff in the world. The black roller coaster is roaring at me and my red roller coaster boyfriend is roaring at him to put me down.

Okay, maybe I need to explain a few things.

Rodney was a decent guy. Maybe a little shy, a little too into amusement parks, but there wasn't anything really wrong with him. He didn't seem interested when I told him about the classes I was taking, but he didn't seem that interested in his own life. He was still nice enough, though. I figured he was just a bit detached.

And then I saw him turn into a roller coaster. There's really no way to warm up to that. He turned into a roller coaster and went on a killing spree in the middle of a date. The next day he showed up at my house with a whole load of bullshit about his true self and his real name and that he couldn't, but I'm not dumb. I went straight for the silverware and jammed a knife into his chest, but turns out werewolf rules don't work on roller coasters.

I had a boyfriend with a knife in his chest and he wasn't hurt and I'd just seen him become a murderous theme park ride last night. What was I supposed to do? I apologized. Maybe I should have gotten the police to help. Maybe I should have just dumped him and booked it. But I was scared, so I did what he wanted. When he wanted me to help hide him, I did. When he asked me if I loved him, I said of course.

Then came the Huntersberg Massacre. I was there for the real thing, before the FBI sanitized the reports. It was devastation in a way the papers couldn't even tell. But after the dust settled and they searched through all the wreckage, all I could think was that he was gone. He was gone and I didn't have to be afraid.

I could focus on class again. I started working on a research project with one of my professors. The world didn't want to make sense, but I would make it make sense again. I even started dating again.

And then Rodney came back. I had to call him Railrunner or he would get angry. I had to tell him I loved him or he'd threaten to bite me. I had to stall him. I sent a message to Captain Vick, and the police were there in record time, but even with all that time preparing, they couldn't stop him. And Rodney said he'd be back.

He was. He said I was in danger from some big bad evil roller coaster and he had to protect me. I had to leave, to come with him, first to a friend's cabin, then to a factory where he used to work. He wanted to give me rides and have me lay on his stomach and made me eat whatever food the silver roller coaster wanted to make. He wanted me to tell him I'd love him forever and I'd be with him forever. He asked me about being a roller coaster and I gave him some bullshit 'I'd be purple' answer. My favorite color is green. Not that Rodney would know that.

Turns out the big bad evil roller coaster is real. Rodney rushed off to fight him, got his rear end kicked, and then the evil coaster came for me. Honestly, he's more civil than Rodney, but that doesn't make much difference when I'm being dangled by roller-coaster-wheel-fingers.

And now we're back to where I started.

The panicked look in Rodney's eyes is almost sad if I try to blot out all the bodies I saw him leave in his wake. Maybe it could have worked out without the roller coaster stuff happening. The detective had told me something when I had gone in for questioning—that Rodney had snapped, he was all predator inside. I think that's not entirely true, but whatever isn't predator in there isn't what I liked about him.

The black roller coaster holds me by my collar with his wheels. I've put up with days of getting fondled by those wheel-fingers of Rodney's and I still don't get how they work anatomically. Maybe I should have gone into med school, I think for a brief moment, before the monumental stupidity of all this crashes around me again.

They're roller coasters.

It's down to two of those dumb wheel-fingers holding me up.

I'm going to die because of roller coasters.

I'm hanging off of one of the wheels. Below me on one side is the black roller coaster's train, another side the clocktower, and the ground below.

The wheel slips. I'm plummeting. I don't want to die.

“Railrunner!” I belt out at the top of my lungs. He's psycho-husband crazy about me. He'll catch me. He has to catch me. But I can see him hesitate, like he wants me to fall. rear end in a top hat.

Falling takes a lot less longer than I'd think. Ground, even with picnic-ready park grass, is harder than I'd like. I can't tell how many things broke but I'm in so much pain I can barely think. Adrenaline rushes in and numbs me.

It takes dying to finally wrest some courage out of me. I'm ready. Of course I have regrets, but it's time to go. And at the very least, it'll get me away from Rodney. Living isn't worth being stuck with a horny, abusive, magic roller coaster boyfriend.

Something pushes its way into my face. It's hard to see but that big red snout is pretty obvious. If I blink a bit I can make out his big puppy-roller-coaster eyes. I feel bad for him, against every fiber of my dying being. He doesn't deserve my kindness, but I'm too nice. I give him what he wants. Maybe the good karma will help wherever I'm going.

“Railrunner,” I say. That name will never not be hilarious. The air is leaving my lungs but it's not going back in. Good thing, or I might chuckle.

“Yes, Clare?” he asks.

“I love you,” I lie.

That's it.


...ouch.

Thin Privilege
Jul 8, 2009
IM A STUPID MORON WITH AN UGLY FACE AND A BIG BUTT AND MY BUTT SMELLS AND I LIKE TO KISS MY OWN BUTT

Gravy Boat 2k

I just want to say that this thread has been the highlight of my year; nay, my life. It's a combination of :magical:, :stonklol:, and :barf:.The feeling of anticipation for every chapter that I get is incomparable to anything I've felt before.

Sincerely,
JoeyJoJoJr Shabadoo
:sparkles:

P.S. this thread is the best place to use :stonklol: and everyone should use it always

Rahonavis
Jan 11, 2012

"Clevuh gurrrl..."



That is stellar. E: And holy poo poo at Part Two. :magical:

And as far as the events of the last few chapters...

Railrunner posted:

"Yo, mentor dude whose advice I keep ignoring except for the parts where I get new powers as the plot demands. When the designated villain guy drops my girlfriend to her gory death, don't, like, help her or anything. Cuz then I can turn her into a totes awesome roller coaster which is totally a thing she wants to happen to her I think maybe!"

This is just the very worst aspect of it but you know what, guys? We did it. We finally found a fictional relationship that is more deeply hosed up in every conceivable way than anything that happens in the entire Twilight series. (And no, I am not forgetting the bit where the werewolf was in love with the protagonist because he was really precognitively in love with her potential unborn children or something.)

Rahonavis fucked around with this message at 23:54 on Jun 30, 2013

Djeser
Mar 22, 2013


it's crow time again



Part 2

Did he just bite me? Come on, Rodney, mourn for, like, five seconds so I can die in peace.

I try to relax, but I can't sink back down. It burns like motor oil on an open wound, spreading from my neck down my arms and into my chest. My bones scrape back into place with the sound of a fingernail dragged across brushed steel. Blood vessels repair themselves with the tiny crackling of rice cereal.

My skin starts to go. It's turning hard, like leathery hide, but somehow flexible despite its metallic appearance. Blunt blades jab against my back and I reflexively tense my muscles. Every pinprick of a budding bone digs against the inside of my flesh. A second pair of arms, covered in my new hide, stretches out to both sides of me. I have to repeat the process again, growing another extra pair of shoulders and arms and hands. If I'd gone to med school I would be furious right now.

I never thought of vertebrae as individual bones. But once they start fusing together, and once they spread outward and grow huge cavities, stretching my body out like a rubber band—then I really notice my vertebrae. I want to reach behind my back and tug and grasp at the giant, gaping holes opening and the pairs of spiny growths jutting from them.

I flop onto my stomach as my skull became like molten glass. It stretches and warps and pulls forward and I think my skin might burst but it's becoming that hardened, flexible, paradoxical metal-like material. And it's purple.

gently caress. I know what's happening to me.

My eyes shoot open. I have to close them immediately as the flood of colors overflows the spectrum I'm used to. Smells leap out at me, plowing into my mind harder than the pain of having half the bones in my body broken and mended. I reach back, hands unsteady, and grasp where my hair should be. My wheel-fingers dig into a pair of my cushioned headrests. I know they're mine because I can feel my wheels squeezing against them.

I try to speak but all that comes out is a roar. My mouth is different and squared off and full of this lizard tongue and big fangs that are hard to work around.

Rodney looks at me. He's so happy to see me alive it makes me sick.

“Clare?” he says.

He wouldn't like what I try to say, but again, I can only roar.

And then bad goes to worse. There's a voice in my head. I can feel the borders of where it sits in my mind, back among my distant memories. It's saying how much it loves Rodney. It calls him Railruner. It's saying it wants to be with him forever. It calls itself Shadowtrack.

No, I'm not letting this happen. The instincts to fight come easily now, even though my body is strange, even though I can still feel bursts of pain each time a new car adds itself to my train. I've got to be thirty feet long now. All it takes is an urge to fight, and I'm already coiling, ready to strike.

Claws burst out of the wheels on my hands. I curl my finger and bare my fangs menacingly. Rodney looks scared—good. I'm going to tear him apart for what he's done to me, my life, and my hometown.

My eyes snap up to the moon and suddenly Shadowtrack's voice in my head is louder. My body locks up. I tumble over onto the ground, kicking and thrashing as much as my cars will allow. The whole length of my train writhes like a worm on a hot grill. My feet—christ, how many of those do I have?—tear at the ground.

“I love Railrunner and I want to have his baby and I want to rub up against him and have him stroke me and he's the best and maybe I can even get pregnant and we can be king and queen of Amusement Park Between forever as long as I do what he says because he always knows better than me!”

No, let me at him, you bitch! He doesn't deserve his perfect purple love-coaster. He deserves to die for what he did to me, let alone what he did to my town. Let me go!

A roar escapes my lips and anger like I've never known floods through me. I grasp toward Rodney with my claws but I can't reach him.

“Be quiet, dumb human. Roller coaster love is pure and eternal and nothing can keep me apart from Railrunner!”

The silver one says something about a curse. I'm beginning to realize what the curse is. My body stops responding. The curse isn't just becoming the coaster. It's having to watch yourself become the coaster.

I stand up, but it's not me. It isn't my words coming out of my mouth. I act like I don't know what's happened, then I'm gushing at Rodney and hugging him and I want to tear his throat out but Shadowtrack is squeezing me back into that corner of my mind.

Maybe the same thing happened to him. Maybe Rodney, the real Rodney, is probably in that big red bastard's head somewhere. Maybe he's screaming just as hard as I am. I hope he is.

I'm just along for the ride now. And roller coasters are immortal, so it's going to be a long ride.

Djeser fucked around with this message at 23:51 on Jun 30, 2013

Iced Cocoa
Jul 14, 2011



:smith:

And we haven't even gotten to the part of how Shadowtrack gets her name.

:smith:

Seraphic Neoman
Jul 19, 2011




Rahonavis posted:

This is just the very worst aspect of it but you know what, guys? We did it. We finally found a fictional relationship that is more deeply hosed up in every conceivable way than anything that happens in the entire Twilight series. (And no, I am not forgetting the bit where the werewolf was in love with the protagonist because he was really precognitively in love with her potential unborn children or something.)

I was just about to say that I can't even use that dumb "still a better love story than Twilight hurrhurr" joke because it's not.
I was at first fascinated, then I was annoyed, then frustrated, but now I'm just ashamed. Ashamed I know this book. Ashamed that I was the one who found that horrible drawing. Ashamed for Miranda because it depicts an absolutely horrible romance as positive and wonderful thing, where one person can non-consensually decide to permanently alter his partner's life.
I am going to go and watch the next part of the LP by youreviltwin of the 2009 Wulfenstein game. It is about using magic powers and guns to kill Nazis, and it still has a more positive and heartwarming message than this horrible loving book.
Or maybe I'll get off my rear end and work on my LP where I describe the attacks of a giant space dragon made out of radio wave interference. This monster manages to be both cooler AND less dumb than Miranda's horrible, smug, psychopathic murdercoasters.

Seraphic Neoman fucked around with this message at 01:58 on Jul 1, 2013

BiggerJ
May 21, 2007

What shall we do with him? A permaban, perhaps? Probate him for a few years? Or...shall we employ a big red custom title? You, the goons of SA, shall decide his fate.

According to Miranda's DeviantartArt journal, she's rereleasing the book with her current style of artwork and writing this summer. However, she's said that she's not changing the story. So with better art and possibly better writing depicting its terrible plot, there's a chance that the book might actually sucker some people into liking it. And, of course, there's the coming sequel, Vertigo. But having read it with different eyes, we will always know.

BiggerJ fucked around with this message at 02:12 on Jul 1, 2013

Tardigrade
Jul 13, 2012

Half arthropod, half marshmallow, all cute.

Djeser posted:

Part 2
I'm just along for the ride now.

This is brilliant. Can we stop discussing the silly fanfiction written by some deviantArtist and focus instead on the original canon of the Rollercoaster mythos?

BiggerJ posted:

According to Miranda's DeviantartArt journal, she's rereleasing the book with her current style of artwork and writing this summer. However, she's said that she's not changing the story. So with better art and possibly better writing depicting its terrible plot, there's a chance that the book might actually sucker some people into liking it. And, of course, there's the coming sequel, Vertigo. But having read it with different eyes, we will always know.

The really sad thing is that Miranda can actually draw, but she uses her superior cross-hatching skills to draw anthropomorphic dragons wank material roller coasters. And the reissue art is worse than the original, as mentioned previously.

E: vvv probably mentioned elsewhere, but this post sums up the general problem.

Voltin Bolt posted:

More shading =/= better art. The background consists of nothing but rocks, random tracks, and more fog than Turok, and the characters are still whittled down to torsos with one pair of arms. Check out any of the layouts on the older work, you can actually see everyone's body and they're interacting with detailed environments.

Tardigrade fucked around with this message at 03:41 on Jul 1, 2013

BiggerJ
May 21, 2007

What shall we do with him? A permaban, perhaps? Probate him for a few years? Or...shall we employ a big red custom title? You, the goons of SA, shall decide his fate.

Tardigrade posted:

And the reissue art is worse than the original, as mentioned previously.
I'm having a little trouble finding that post. Could you link it?

When the reissue is released, I'd love to see a comparison. If this thread is in the archives by then, it could happen in the inevitable thread for the sequel, Vertigo.

Djeser posted:

infinite horror
Holy poo poo, you're amazing.

BiggerJ fucked around with this message at 03:48 on Jul 1, 2013

where the red fern gropes
Aug 24, 2011





Good lord. This is horrifying and yet still an exponentially better read that the source material.

I'm sad that I can only find three of the dogs that Hitler drew, or I'd have one ready for any future appearances of Railrunner's abused 'girlfriend'.

JosephWongKS
Apr 4, 2009

by Nyc_Tattoo



Looking forward to your interpretation / re-imagination of Chapter 66, in which Clare gets her roller-coaster name.

Djeser
Mar 22, 2013


it's crow time again



JosephWongKS posted:

Looking forward to your interpretation / re-imagination of Chapter 66, in which Clare gets her roller-coaster name.

Iced Cocoa posted:

And we haven't even gotten to the part of how Shadowtrack gets her name.

Part of me is saying, 'it's just getting a name'. The other part of me knows how deep Miranda's rabbit hole coaster track goes. Count me horrifascinated.

Madoushi
May 9, 2003

Some days, you just get up on the wrong side of the bed...

My guess is that 'Shadow' is because she follows Railrunner around everywhere, and 'track' because she only exists so he has something to ride. :quagmire:

JosephWongKS
Apr 4, 2009

by Nyc_Tattoo


Chapter 65 - Ruler of the Rails
Part One


quote:


Clare looked at me after Thunderbark had made his short speech and nodded her head in approval. I glanced back at Thunderbark; he too, made a gesture for me to advance.

“You go, Amusement Park Between needs you.” Merrylegs said.


Amusement Park needs Railrunner as much as a fish needs a bicycle made of cyanide and covered with live plastic explosives.


quote:


“She is right Railrunner, we will follow close behind. I know you will do well.” He said bowing his white head. I replied with a quick nod and took a good look at all of them. I finally turned and bolted back into the cruel world of the city.


The world is made cruel by Railrunner’s very existence.


quote:


I ran faster and faster, I wasn’t going to give Ironwheel anymore [sic] time. I already knew where the evil king was headed due to what his last words were. Ironwheel was going to Mystic Park; he was to get power from the rails. His plan was to reach his full potential and dominate the citizens in the real world. He would then transport them to Amusement Park Between to use them as slaves as well as the rides. He would even create a new army. I had made my decision long ago that wouldn’t happen. Ironwheel was on death row, according to me.


“I can’t let Ironwheel enslave the humans and the rides, because I’m going to enslave them.”


quote:


I continued my pursuit; I looked behind me to see my allies dragging behind. Apparently Clare was not used to running on more than two feet. I however, had their blessing to move on, and I was taking it with no questions asked.


The lives of the people be butchered, the dignity of Static and Railrunner, the career of Buddy, the free will and agency of Clare - hasn’t Railrunner always just taken what he wants with no questions asked?


quote:


Finally the gateway to Mystic Park was in sight among the dark horizon. I surged further forward and soon leaped over the iron entrance, sailing into the park’s grounds, or as it was now known, the “danger zone”. I paused and took a breather, I went on high alert. Ironwheel could be leering deep in the shadows waiting for the perfect moment for an ambush. I sniffed, tasting the air for his sick scent. It wasn’t that hard to distinguish from all of the natural odors around. It was coming from the designated eating areas of the park. Ironwheel must be messing around thinking he has all the time in the world, I thought.

Thunderbark and the others soon caught up to me, Clare seemed excited about her new found body, but the others were completely serious.


“Women, am I right? So frivolous they can’t bring themselves to be serious even in life and death situations.”


quote:


“He is here,” Thunderbark said sniffing the air.

“I know,” I replied. “Stay close.” I said as I advanced forward.

Thunderbark did not protest this time. He knew this job was made for me. I followed Ironwheel’s scent deep into the park. I stood near the rickety old ferris wheel that I used so many moons ago to spy on the police. Perhaps it would come in handy now, I thought as I lightly stepped over to it. I began to scale it as I once did, cautiously and carefully. The ferris wheel wasn’t made for this at all, certainly not as a jungle gym for few thousand pound living roller coaster. I reached the top and slowly positioned myself just
right. The giant wheel swayed under my weight, I expected it to give way and topple over at any moment. However, I easily spotted Ironwheel walking among the food courts, sneaking around like a raccoon. At the moment he was completely unaware of my presence. He turned with his back facing me and began to ransack one of the shops. I then had an idea that would catch him completely off guard.

I slowly, but surely, climbed down to the inner area of the wheel. I stood at the bottom on the inside. The wheel was positioned just right to roll towards Ironwheel. I grasped the ride’s sides, I could break the ferris wheel from it’s bearings with one big jerk. I took a deep breath and then trust [sic] myself forward. Luckily the wheel broke free with a crack. I ran forward inside the ferris wheel, just like a giant hamster. I may have created a Fallen, but I could be destroying another.


Railrunner literally does not give a drat that he’s “created a Fallen”. This is the absolute worst system of reincarnation you can come up with. Your first life is ended in neglect or abuse, and in your next life you are maligned and discriminated against simply due to the circumstances of your birth, through no fault of your own at all.

Also, Railrunner is a massive hypocrite. In Chapter 47, he said that “There was also a predatory instinct, making [him] lick [his] lips when [he] saw blood, laugh when [he] saw [his] enemy’s death. Why? Was there something wrong with [him]? Couldn’t be, [he] was the way [he] was because [he] was born and not built.” Wouldn’t the same grounds for exoneration apply to the Fallen as well?


quote:


The detached Ferris Wheel rolled forward, toppling over trees and other immovable objects, thankfully not hitting any more rides, at least not yet. The wheel rolled into the food court and Ironwheel turned around in surprise.


I hope the Amusement Park Between incarnation of this ferris wheel absolutely wrecks Railrunner in the next week.


quote:


“What goes around comes around!” I yelled.


Ironic, in view of Railrunner’s deliberate creation of a Fallen.

Iced Cocoa
Jul 14, 2011



quote:

His plan was to reach his full potential and dominate the citizens in the real world. He would then transport them to Amusement Park Between to use them as slaves as well as the rides. He would even create a new army.

Guess what Miranda has forgotten? A MacGuffin element that every ride, and only rides, has to have on them in order to get across! Humans don't get across if they don't have the MacGuffin!

It's a silly thing to get worked over given the whole slew of inaccuracies and plot holes and the conflicting information in the book, but when I read this first it's what nearly got me to just stop reading it.

I hope everyone remembers the next deus ex machina that will appear in this chapter.

Focacciasaurus_Rex
Dec 13, 2010


Wait, I thought there were only 66 chapters? Is the next post seriously the last? I don't know what's more horrifying, how she's going to fail to wrap everything up in a single chapter, or that I'm actually counting the days to the next book so there can be another glorious thread on it. :magical:



Djeser posted:

Existential Horror: The Ride.

Welp, I can't beat that. :suicide: That was amazing. I need to practice more.

Focacciasaurus_Rex fucked around with this message at 14:28 on Jul 1, 2013

Iced Cocoa
Jul 14, 2011



Focacciasaurus_Rex posted:

Wait, I thought there were only 66 chapters? Is the next post seriously the last? I don't know what's more horrifying, how she's going to fail to wrap everything up in a single chapter, or that I'm actually counting the days to the next book so there can be another glorious thread on it. :magical:

JWKS is splitting up the chapters for his sanity's sake, so I think there are five-seven or so review parts left.

JosephWongKS
Apr 4, 2009

by Nyc_Tattoo


Question: How many books does "Twisted" count for in the Reading Challenge Thread?

my dad
Oct 17, 2012

this shall be humorous


JosephWongKS posted:

Question: How many books does "Twisted" count for in the Reading Challenge Thread?

That's a trick question. It doesn't count as a book.

Radio!
Mar 15, 2008

Look at that post.



You know, when I first started reading this thread I assumed only excerpts rather than the whole text were being posted because of how disjointed and awful it was. I wish I had been right if only to save myself the shame of having read this whole loving book.

FairyNuff
Jan 22, 2012



JosephWongKS posted:

Question: How many books does "Twisted" count for in the Reading Challenge Thread?

1/3, when the sequels come out you'll still need to read them! :D

JosephWongKS
Apr 4, 2009

by Nyc_Tattoo


Chapter 65 - Ruler of the Rails
Part Two



quote:


Ironwheel had no time to move out of the way, he was hit and almost completely rolled over.

Suddenly the wheel began to tip, taking me with it. I quickly jumped out just a few seconds before it crashed to the ground. My little plan was working.

“Railrunner!” Ironwheel hissed. I spun around quickly to see him low to the ground stalking forward.

“Ironwheel,” I growled, extracting my claws.

“See,” He began. “We are part of the same great game! Brothers by species! Think about that Railrunner! You have no chance! Every red that existed in the same time frame as me failed their mission; I scored first! You Railrunner will fall! Fail just like the others before you!”

“Listen, I told you before, I’m allergic to bullshit, and you don’t want to make me furious. Simple as that.” I replied giving him a deadly glare.


Railrunner, master of the witty comeback.


quote:


Ironwheel let out a nasty snarl, dripping saliva as he did. Without warning he sprung and sunk his fangs into one of my legs. The pain was excruciating, horrible and unbearable.


Aren’t “let out a nasty snarl” and “without warning” kind of mutually contradictory?


quote:


I quickly swung my claws into one of his front seats, the steel piercing all the way through. Ironwheel immediately let go and howled in agony, blood seeping everywhere and down the side of his face. I roared in rage! Pure adulterated rage! I swung again, cutting him along his side. Ironwheel hesitated and then bolted, making a beeline for the track.

“NO!” I yelled in anger as I sprinted after him. I raced after Ironwheel and was hot on his wheels. I could not let him reach the track! If he did, who knows what would happen!

My wheels scrapped [sic] the concrete as I charged after him angrily. My bitten leg stung each time I put weight on it. Venom was probably pulsing through my blood at the very second, but I had to push that aside. Nothing mattered at the moment except Ironwheel’s death.

The black coaster was several yards ahead of me as we continued the chase through the park. He exerted his stampede into the section where Mystic Park housed its thrill rides. Most of their pods and vehicles had long been put into storage, leaving only the “skeleton”. Ironwheel rocketed up onto a building as I pursued him, following his action a split second later, I unfortunately fell short with my claws digging deep into the shingled roof. I hurriedly hauled myself up and over. To my disappointment, Ironwheel had
traveled further ahead, and was almost to the track.

“Idiot!” I shouted, scolding myself for the faulty move. Like a bat outta hell, I surged forward. Ironwheel was now just a few feet from the track; to my unfortunate despair, Ironwheel was winning the race.


Tension…


quote:


I pumped my legs and urged myself forward; my sudden burst of speed was working.


Defused!


quote:


“Prepare to be schooled!” Ironwheel suddenly laughed. He then leaped into the lift hill’s scaffolding. Ironwheel scaled upwards, performing ridiculous feats of agility. I skidded to a halt as I watched him succeed, hating myself to the extreme. Ironwheel reached the peak and climbed onto the maintenance stair way. He tauntingly hovered a set of wheels over the rails.

“You know the saying nice guys finish last right?” he laughed. Ironwheel then took the big step onto the rails.

“Oh hell no!” I said as I watched the apparent change in him begin. His muscles bulged beneath his metal hide as he roared in pleasure. Ironwheel glared at me and then raised his arm, I knew that sign well, he was aiming to hit me with one heak [sic] of a blast of lightning. Quickly thinking, I leaped onto the low stretch of track just before a bolt rained down upon me. I ran along the rails to give me a push. Then I started to roll among them. Power rattled me in ways that I could not fully describe.


Roller-coaster track power-ups remind me of gymkata, only infinitely more hilariously stupid.


quote:


Somewhere above, Ironwheel laughed maniacally as he shot off more lightning bolts as if he was a raging storm. I watched out of the corner of my eye as I saw them barely missing me. Their heat, burning my leather. I tried to ignore the pain from the burns and my leg as I passed through a tunnel. I leaped from the tunnel’s mouth onto the apex of the loop. Ironwheel turned and readied another attack, but I made my move first. A bolt of lightning hit him square in the chest, but strangely enough he did not die on impact.

“It’s the rails.” I said to myself realizing the truth. Ironwheel cried in anger and sent a fireball back at me in return. I ducked and landed back onto the right side of the rails once again. Ironwheel still protected his self- acclaimed turf by sending down lightning shards. Another bolt sailed to my position as I rolled across the brake run. I jumped, but the bolt shot under me, searing my stomach. I fell off into a tall patch of grass in pain. I put my wheels across the burn on my belly. A small quantity of blood smeared off onto them. I stared up at Ironwheel who was still perched on the lift hill. I growled deep in my throat, he had brought me to the breaking point. My muscles tensed inside my legs as I prepared to pounce. Ironwheel turned his back from me thinking I ran into the tall weeds. Seizing the perfect chance, I released the potential energy that I had stored to leap to the top of the lift hill.


“I released the potential energy I had stored to leap to the top of the lift hill.” :laffo:


quote:


I landed next to the black roller coaster and sunk my claws into his side. Ironwheel turned and wailed, and then he swung his big arms, hitting me with a heavy blow with his claws just under my neck.


The (designated) villain of the series is literally a “big” “black” dude. :stare:

Seraphic Neoman
Jul 19, 2011




gently caress I hate Railrunner. Especially when he tries to verbally spar with someone.
Ironwheel is awesome, channeling Liquid's "BRRRROOOOOOOOOOTTTTHHHHHEEEEERRRRRRR!!!" speech.
And is it just me or was the who Ferris Wheel thing completely pointless? Railrunner just created a Fallen for no reason.

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Decoy Badger
May 16, 2009


I don't know whether to be happy that this book is ending, or sad that it hasn't ended yet. My days are dimmer for knowing it exists. JWKS, you took away a part of me that I can never get back.

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