20 Team Fantasy League Season 5: The Only Place Dan Marino Gets a Ring

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JetsGuy: Sep 17, 2003; science + hockey
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_{Season 5? loving hell, I need a life.}

It's once again time to face fantasy hell with the 20-team fantasy league! Enjoy the struggles of having to select between the Raiders and the Redskins defense in your epic battle against a guy who has to start Mark Sanchez. Silently weep yourself to sleep over the fact that if only you had selected a kicker in a round other than last.

The 20-team fantasy league enters its FIFTH season this year, and as any of the vets can tell you, it is a BLAST. To the vets (and former members), please make sure you claim your spot soon. This waiting list is starting to become longer than Green Bay's.

:siren:

READ ALL THIS BULLSHIT, EVEN IF YOU'VE PLAYED BEFORE :siren:

DRAFT IS CURRENTLY SET FOR SUNDAY, Aug. 25 at 8:30 PM EASTERN TIME
(although this is negotiable)

Members
Priority goes to the 19 lucky gents (and 1 gal) who got into the league last year. These guys will have til about Aug. 1 to tell me IN THIS THREAD that they are going to participate (if they didn't already in the Season 4 thread). I am not psychic, and I really don't keep up with HILARIOUS INSIDE JOKES, so I do not know if you've changed your username, so you know, lemme know if you did that. If you've actually read this far, and you're a returning member, make a post with the word "quack" to get a prize. Also, if you're changing your team name, tell us so we can update the OP. IF YOU ARE A RETURNING MEMBER, ALSO POST IN THE LEAGUE PAGE TO CONFIRM YOU CAN ACTUALLY READ.
:siren:

It's now the end of the month. If you've not posted by now, and thus have forfeited your chance to return. :siren:

Second priority goes to people who are still interested from last year's waiting list. There were eleven of you, and you are listed below. The way I decided to handle this is that these people get priority over the newbies, but only if you explicitly tell me they are interested now. IT IS FIRST COME FIRST SERVE FOR PEOPLE IN THIS GROUP. THIS IS LARGELY A TEST TO SEE WHO IS ACTIVE AND WHO JUST DROPPED IN AND WANTED ON THE LIST. If you do not re-claim your spot in 48 hours, you're off the old list.
:siren:

The 48 hour window has passed. At this point, your "old" wait list status has been revoked if you had it. :siren:

~~Third priority goes to anyone and everyone else, in the order you post here. Please keep in mind that joining the wait list this year pretty much means you'll be waiting at least until next year.~~
:siren:

WAIT LIST IS CLOSED. TRY AGAIN NEXT YEAR :siren:

Scoring
This can be debated, but I think we've settled on the scoring. Return yards have worked very well for the league's depth, particularly for the D/STs. For quick reference, here it is:

BREAKDOWN
The draft *does* take time, but really the roster is smaller than most. Most people seemed happy with the way the rosters were last year, but we are always up for debate to expand it (contracting is out of the question). Last year, we voted to expand the rosters to:

QB, RB, WR, RB/WR/TE, RB/WR/TE, TE, D/ST, K, 5 BE, 2 IR

DRAFT
We will be doing a live draft again, and the less said about the literally day-long offline draft we did during season 1 the better (so don't loving ask to do an offline one). I'm amenable to changing the draft date *a little*, but I really want to keep it as is unless too many of us miss it. Please plan your schedules accordingly. Set your rankings, and get a friend to draft for you if need be (better option).

Draft order will be randomized after the league is officially filled. IF YOU TRADE DRAFT PICKS BEFORE THE DRAFT ORDER IS DETERMINED, THESE WILL BE RESET.

League Logistics
I have yet to set up the schedules. As the vets know, ~~this takes me time to do...~~ I'm a lazy sack of poo poo and often wait til opening Thursday to do it.
your schedule will look like this:
-8 division games
-3 conference games
-2 OoC games

We keep the same divisions, as always. If a division wants to change their name (I'm looking at you, Bart Starr division). The AFC and NFC conferences will be placed on other ends of the real playoffs when the time comes. If you can't understand which is which, :frogout:

.

SEASON 5 LOONEY TUNES:

code:

SA NAME                TEAM NAME
JetsGuy                Bubblicious Supremacy
seventeen             The Hot Dog Heros
Silly Burrito         DAN MARINO PUNCHES DOLPHIN 
commish               Baller Status
Pain of Mind          San Francisco PoM
JuicedSixFo           Zoltan Mesko
wasianchickn          Wasian's Chickns
braksgirl             Annie's Boobs
chrix                 Naptown Sleepers
tuckfard              RATED R SUPERSTARS
halonx                Wisconsin Cows
Power of Pecota       Akron Peppercorns
Stevie Lee            1017 BRICK SQUAD
tadashi                Breesus Christ
MikeyKins              Sesame Berts
Eltoasto               Spinnin' Frennys
bbf2                   Stevie J's Hand gun Emporium
FlyWhiteBoy            Bust A Kaep
darkwolf220            Virginia Vultures
jabro                  Percy's Hip

(*ed guys haven't posted in the league page yet)
(^ed guys HAVE posted in the league forum, but haven't recently posted here)
Either mark means their place is not yet concrete.

OFFICIAL WAITING LIST (CLOSED FOR THE YEAR)

code:

Jerome Agricola
The Gobbledygooker
der juicen
Tae
DiscW
uublog
dogo

LINK FOR THE LAZY:
http://games.espn.go.com/ffl/leagueoffice?leagueId=524484&seasonId=2013

HALL OF HONOR:
Season 4 - Bounty Programs Aint Crazy Y'all
Season 3 -
Season 2 -
Season 1 - Let's Go Nuts

JetsGuy fucked around with this message at 03:24 on Aug 26, 2013

# ? Jul 19, 2013 18:57

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# ? Apr 27, 2024 14:23

JetsGuy: Sep 17, 2003; science + hockey
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This post is reserved for stuff.

ALL RISE, FOR OUR NATIONAL ANTHEM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6n1KPQmdddY

The Dan Oath

JuicedSixFo posted:

Dear Daniel Constantine "Dan" Marino, Jr.,

I hereby declare, on oath, that I absolutely and entirely renounce all other divisions and abjure all allegiances and fidelity to any managers of said divisions; that I will support and defend The Dan Marino Division and laws of the 20 Team Fantasy League against all poo poo talkers, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; that I will bear arms on behalf of The Dan Marino Division when required by the commissioner; and that I take this obligation freely without any mental reservation or purpose of evasion; so help me Dan. Amen.

The Starr-y Future

seventeen posted:

In the not too distant future, when the championships of Montana and Marino have faded into a distant memory, when auction draft has become the one true format for NFL Fantasy Football brought to you by Pepsi Co©, there will be an era of great darkness swallowing the world as we know it. Forever, darkness. In the distance, millions upon millions of miles away, a lone beacon of light will twinkle like championship bling resting on a black blanket. A ball of gas and space waste, once alive, is dead and yet still caressing our dark planet with a touch of light, a beacon of hope.

Is it a message from beyond? Is it visitors from another universe to rescue us from our dying planet? Nay. It is a sparkling glimmer oh hope, a sly wink; a knowing wink of encouragement and inspiration. Through the rumbles of Earth's plates shifting, a voice bellows from the great beyond, "You can't kill a Starr, bitch"

The Dan's Prayer

JetsGuy posted:

Hail Dan, who Art in Canton,
Hallowed be thy name,
thy touchdowns come,
thy divisions won,
on forums, as they are in Canton,
give us this win, our weekly ,
and forgive us our losses,
as we forgive the Namath,
and lead us not to Montana,
and deliver us from Starr,
for thine is the division,
the league, the glory forever,
Amen.

JetsGuy fucked around with this message at 07:44 on Sep 20, 2013

# ? Jul 19, 2013 18:57

JetsGuy: Sep 17, 2003; science + hockey
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LASER SKATES

LEAGUE WAIT LIST PROCEDURES, IN DETAIL

This is to be explicit about the entry procedures, in case it isn't clear enough from above.

I have (slightly) updated the policy from last year. The biggest difference being I didn't send out the PM notices to the old wait list guys a day early. The reason being is that it ultimately serves no purpose as they are just competing with each other anyway (and ultimately get preference over new wait list people).

POLICIES ARE BELOW

POLICY 1) All active members get until the end of the month to re-claim their spot. IF THEY DO NOT **ALSO** POST IN THE LEAGUE FORUM TO LET ME KNOW THEY CAN ACCESS IT, THEY WILL BE BOOTED, REGARDLESS OF HOW MUCH THEY'VE INDICATED INTEREST OTHERWISE

POLICY 2) All members of last year's wait list get 48 HOURS to re-claim their spot.

POLICY 2A) Last year's waiting list members are in a competition with each other. That is, their old position no longer matters. I realize this is a little unfair to people who can post from work. I am sorry about that, but the way I look at it, the more active a poster is, the better the league thread is. :shobon:

A poster who used to be very active may not be as active anymore.

POLICY 2B) Last year's waiting list members, so long as they post in this thread within 48 hours of it going up, will get preferred placement over guys who are entering (or re-entering) the fray.

POLICY 3) Everyone else gets put in the order they respond to the thread.

POLICY 4) :siren:

If you are called up from the wait list, you have 24 hours to respond. :siren:

AGAIN, the wait list has gotten so that some people have been waiting *years* to get into the league. That is why the "old" wait list guys get preferred treatment, because they keep re-upping. No system is perfect, but I really try my best to be as fair to as many people as possible.

JetsGuy fucked around with this message at 22:18 on Jul 30, 2013

# ? Jul 19, 2013 18:57

Stevie Lee: Oct 8, 2007

I still want in/on the waiting list.

# ? Jul 19, 2013 18:58

JetsGuy: Sep 17, 2003; science + hockey
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Stevie Lee posted:

I still want in/on the waiting list.

Well, you're in luck, since Skokie has bowed out of our illustrous group, so there is already a definite spot open. I am PM'ing you with more info.

# ? Jul 19, 2013 19:00

jabro: Mar 25, 2003; July Mock Draft 2014

1st PLACE
RUNNER-UP
got the knowshon

Back on waiting list, please.

# ? Jul 19, 2013 19:11

JetsGuy: Sep 17, 2003; science + hockey
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LASER SKATES

jabro posted:

Back on waiting list, please.

done.

# ? Jul 19, 2013 19:16

halonx: May 4, 2005

Last year I managed to have a winning percentage over .500 for the first time. I plan on winning this year.

My time has come.

# ? Jul 19, 2013 19:26

Braksgirl: Dec 25, 2010; Unofficial Goon Disney travel agent since 2014!

Tens of Goons served!

I like falling flat on my face with an audience so I'm definitely in.

# ? Jul 19, 2013 19:35

chrix: Jan 3, 2004; Football man, the guy with the football plan

I'm in for sure.

# ? Jul 19, 2013 19:53

Jerome Agricola: Apr 11, 2010; Seriously,

who dat?

I'd still like to be on the waiting list.

# ? Jul 19, 2013 19:58

The Gobbledygooker: Apr 5, 2007

I am still interested.

# ? Jul 19, 2013 20:03

JetsGuy: Sep 17, 2003; science + hockey
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LASER SKATES

Jerome Agricola posted:

I'd still like to be on the waiting list.

Done.

I also just got a PM time stamped ~1:02 from The Gobbledygooker, so he's back on also.

EDIT:
^^^

# ? Jul 19, 2013 20:04

tadashi: Feb 20, 2006

Breesus Christ is back but I don't have access to the league page until later today when I will post to confirm that I will try to improve this season from the UK of the Dan Marino division to the Mississippi State of the Dan Marino division.

# ? Jul 19, 2013 20:07

tuckfard: Dec 9, 2003; Just chillin

As long as no quack from the Dan Marino division is successful then this league is a success.

Still calling dibs on Geno Smith.

# ? Jul 19, 2013 20:23

der juicen: Aug 11, 2005; Fuck haters

I'm back

on the waiting list.

# ? Jul 19, 2013 20:35

Silly Burrito: Nov 27, 2007; SET A COURSE FOR
THE FLAVOR QUADRANT

I'm back in if for no other reason than TO FIND OUT THE TRUTH!!!

WHY IS NO ONE ANSWERING THE QUESTION ABOUT DAN MARINO PUNCHING HARMLESS INNOCENT DOLPHINS? HOW FAR UP DOES THIS VAST CONSPIRACY GO????

Edit: QUACK QUACK GIVE ME TWO PRIZES

# ? Jul 19, 2013 20:40

DiscW: Jul 21, 2006

Put me on that waiting list!

# ? Jul 19, 2013 20:41

Tae: Oct 24, 2010; Hello? Can you hear me? ...Perhaps if I shout? AAAAAAAAAH!

I'll reclaim my year reserve.

# ? Jul 19, 2013 21:01

wasianchickn: Sep 4, 2006; welp

I'm back, I care, and I'm still terrible.

# ? Jul 19, 2013 21:36

commish: Sep 17, 2009

Strongly considering drafting Hernandez this year.

# ? Jul 19, 2013 21:47

wasianchickn: Sep 4, 2006; welp

commish posted:

Strongly considering drafting Hernandez this year.

Probably will still be a top-20 TE.

# ? Jul 19, 2013 22:31

Pain of Mind: Jul 10, 2004; You are receiving this broadcast as a dream...We are transmitting from the year one nine... nine nine ...You are receiving this broadcast in order t

I am back. I am pretty sure my team last year had more points than my team in some 12 team leagues.

I will still lose in the playoffs

# ? Jul 20, 2013 01:12

MikeyKins: May 9, 2004; Dan, there's a reason why we get emails calling you Le Bafart, Le Baturd, Le Bajerk...

Sesame Berts back for more

# ? Jul 20, 2013 01:54

uublog: Jul 19, 2012; "World Champions. WORLD FUCKING CHAMPIONS." - Chase Utley, October 31, 2008; Broad Street, Philadelphia, PA

This sounds like a fun league. Can I get onto a new waiting list that I might still be waiting on like five years from now?

# ? Jul 20, 2013 04:28

Power of Pecota: Aug 4, 2007; Goodness no, now that wouldn't do at all!

I propose the Bart Starr division be renamed to Marino Gehenna

# ? Jul 20, 2013 06:34

seventeen: Jan 2, 2005; Do not try and score on the powerplay. That's impossible. Instead... only try to realize the truth.

What truth?

There is no powerplay.

I'll post on the league page when I get home. I'll be on vacation during the current draft date so I'm ready to have the worst autodraft of my life

# ? Jul 20, 2013 14:44

Silly Burrito: Nov 27, 2007; SET A COURSE FOR
THE FLAVOR QUADRANT

http://www.cracked.com/blog/the-10-worst-punishments-losing-in-fantasy-league/

I had no idea Matthew Berry wrote for Cracked.

# ? Jul 20, 2013 14:48

Eltoasto: Aug 26, 2002; We come spinning out of nothingness, scattering stars like dust.

The Freeneys are back, gently caress the Dan Marino Division :mad:

# ? Jul 20, 2013 19:09

JetsGuy: Sep 17, 2003; science + hockey
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LASER SKATES

Ok, I think I'm up to date thus far.

4 people have yet to reclaim their spot, including one guy who only posted twice all of last season. So don't give up hope yet, wait listers. Here they are;

code:

SA NAME                TEAM NAME
bbf2                   Stevie J's Hand gun Emporium
darkwolf220            Virginia Vultures
FlyWhiteBoy            Hypo Gonadism
warbles                Dirty Sanchize

Here's the list of those of you returnees who have done one or the other to tell me your back (but not yet both)

code:

*seventeen             The Hot Dog Heros
*commish               Baller Status
*Pain of Mind          San Francisco PoM
*JuicedSixFo            Zoltan Mesko

(*ed guys haven't posted in the league page yet)
(^ed guys HAVE posted in the league forum, but haven't recently posted here)
Either mark means their place is not yet concrete.

EDIT:
I have also just explicitly added policy 4, which we've always had, to the wait list. That is:
:siren:

If you are called up from the wait list, you have 24 hours to respond. :siren:

EDIT2:
Damnit Eltoasto! :v:

JetsGuy fucked around with this message at 19:16 on Jul 20, 2013

# ? Jul 20, 2013 19:11

seventeen: Jan 2, 2005; Do not try and score on the powerplay. That's impossible. Instead... only try to realize the truth.

What truth?

There is no powerplay.

Posted in the league thread. Tried to post a poll. Executed it as effectively as my drafting the last 4 seasons

# ? Jul 20, 2013 22:34

JetsGuy: Sep 17, 2003; science + hockey
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seventeen posted:

Posted in the league thread. Tried to post a poll. Executed it as effectively as my drafting the last 4 seasons

voted "needs salt".

# ? Jul 20, 2013 23:03

Dogo: Sep 24, 2007

Could I get on the waiting list for this?

# ? Jul 21, 2013 01:53

JetsGuy: Sep 17, 2003; science + hockey
=
LASER SKATES

At this point, the 48 hour window has passed, and so all prior year wait-list statuses have been revoked if you have not yet claimed them. :siren:

Dogo posted:

Could I get on the waiting list for this?

Yes.

EDIT:

Silly Burrito posted:

I'm back in if for no other reason than TO FIND OUT THE TRUTH!!!

WHY IS NO ONE ANSWERING THE QUESTION ABOUT DAN MARINO PUNCHING HARMLESS INNOCENT DOLPHINS? HOW FAR UP DOES THIS VAST CONSPIRACY GO????

Dan, in his later years, realized that the Dolphins were an organization of pure evil.

JetsGuy fucked around with this message at 19:00 on Jul 21, 2013

# ? Jul 21, 2013 18:58

Braksgirl: Dec 25, 2010; Unofficial Goon Disney travel agent since 2014!

Tens of Goons served!

Dolphins are the rapists of the sea.

# ? Jul 22, 2013 03:52

seventeen: Jan 2, 2005; Do not try and score on the powerplay. That's impossible. Instead... only try to realize the truth.

What truth?

There is no powerplay.

Braksgirl posted:

Dolphins are the rapists of the sea.

# ? Jul 22, 2013 14:02

bbf2: Nov 22, 2007; "The White Shadow"

Hand gun emporium back for more Dan Marino owning-ness. Posted in league thread.

bbf2 fucked around with this message at 11:19 on Jul 23, 2013

# ? Jul 23, 2013 00:46

JetsGuy: Sep 17, 2003; science + hockey
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LASER SKATES

bbf2 posted:

Hand gun emporium back for more Dan Marino owning-ness. Posted in league thread.

Done. So glad to have the Dan Marino cru back again. :smug:

Also, I updated the list of guys who've posted in the league forum.

We're waiting on Juiced to post in the league forum and we're still waiting on three people to claim their spot. You got about a week left otherwise I'm going straight to the wait list.

EDIT:

VVVVVV

That ban was hilarious. Also, at least he trash talked a shitton.

JetsGuy fucked around with this message at 18:26 on Jul 23, 2013

# ? Jul 23, 2013 17:10

Power of Pecota: Aug 4, 2007; Goodness no, now that wouldn't do at all!

JetsGuy posted:

Done. So glad to have the Dan Marino cru back again.

League history lesson for any newcomers: The Dan Marino division leads the league in two things historically - championships and forum bans for writing fake reviews for their incest-themed erotica on Amazon.

# ? Jul 23, 2013 18:11

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# ? Apr 27, 2024 14:23

tadashi: Feb 20, 2006

Power of Pecota posted:

League history lesson for any newcomers: The Dan Marino division leads the league in two things historically - championships and forum bans for writing fake reviews for their incest-themed erotica on Amazon.

I have accomplished neither so I better get on it lest the rest of the division think I'm holding them back.

# ? Jul 24, 2013 14:22

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > The Armchair Quarterback > 20 Team Fantasy League Season 5: The Only Place Dan Marino Gets a Ring

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