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  • Locked thread
Helsing
Aug 23, 2003

I'M ESCAPING TO THE ONE PLACE THAT HASN'T BEEN CORRUPTED BY CAPITALISM...

SPACE!


In all fairness some of us can't be bothered to read our own stories before submitting them.

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thehomemaster
Jul 16, 2014

by Ralp


Well this was embarrassing.

Djeser
Mar 22, 2013



I dont's even read what i"m witiirng as i'm wtiring it, i juust closhe my eyes and lokf ro the best

Some Guy TT
Aug 30, 2011


For some reason I was expecting that notice to appear next to an explanation of what the winners get, not an explanation of where the prompt comes from. I reread the OP just before making the post too.

Also I'm chatting way too much so I guess I have to do the interprompt.

Just Now
11 words

It wasn't my fault.

There were just too many drat words.

Echo Cian
Jun 16, 2011



Thunderdome 2015teen: Reading is hard so let's write excuses instead

Sitting Here
Dec 31, 2007


Blood Empress of Thunderdome

Tap to emit spores


Clapping Larry

FYI: the reason I haven't outlined specifically how/how not to post in the OP is because

1) it would prevent us from being able to laugh along with funny posters who make funny off-topic posts

2) it would prevent us from laughing at unfunny posters making badposts


I will fight and die for your right to rip off your opponent's head and poo poo down their throats, but pedantry shall not stand in this dome of thunders

also, we have enough lawyers around here, we don't need any rules lawyers

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006

I failed to submit because I was so excited about New Zealander Tim Price winning the Burghley Horse Trials on the quirky but freakishly talented Ringwood Sky Boy

dreadmojo
Oct 23, 2010



Legit Cyberpunk

Kaishai
Nov 3, 2010

Scoffing at modernity.

Thunderdome Week CXVIII Results: If on a Winter's Night a Fire

It was an interesting round, difficult to judge, as nothing stood out to us as great work. There's more to the story than that, though. Many of the pieces were quite nice, so we had a lot of pleasing things to choose from--along with a plethora of burning houses--and few entries indeed had nothing to recommend them. That meant considerable debate and discussion. Once we finished consulting elementals and divining your fates from the autumn leaves, this is what we decided:

THE WINNER is Chairchucker! Robin and Angela may have talked too much in this piece, but we saw a touching, loving relationship between the lines of their words and actions. Robin's quiet heroism made this the best of the burning house stories. Ironically so, since your element was air, but maybe you wouldn't have it any other way.

HONORABLE MENTIONS go to the other two contenders for victory: Entenzahn, whose story had a lot of thematic similarity to Chairchucker's and shared many of its strengths, but whose prose was less smooth; and Anathema Device, whose happy ending seemed too easy due to most of the conflict happening off-camera, but who nevertheless made us smile. All of the honored stories this week were upbeat; apparently we're a bunch of softies, even Mr. Legit Cyberpunk.

THE LOSER is Hammer Bro. He took a risk with his format and took another in leaning on Greek mythology to provide the clues that made sense of his story. We appreciate risk, but it has consequences. It was the choice to tell a complicated premise entirely through dialogue that brought him low.

DISHONORABLE MENTIONS are hereby awarded to JcDent for a vignette that was all half-penetrable backstory and no meat, Paladinus for a plodding saga of bureaucracy the conclusion of which left our sympathy with the cheated taxpayers, Obliterati for confusing and boring us all at once with a story that barely made any drat sense, and Your Sledgehammer for a super-contrived piece that also happened to be dull.

Expect crits eventually. Chairchucker, it's time to hit us with a prompt of your very own!

Chairchucker
Nov 14, 2006

The man was stunningly well dressed. He had a smart looking jacket, and a really neat looking cape, the lining of which was shimmering and sparkling in more than Oriental splendour, which is a great deal of splendour indeed, just ask Kipling.

Proooooom wait what?

SurreptitiousMuffin
Mar 21, 2010

I got it wrong. Look, I'm well aware I got it wrong and uh, I got it wrong.


Chairchucker posted:

Proooooom wait what?
I will not go to Senior Prom with you unless you shave.


Everything.

Hammer Bro.
Jul 7, 2007

THUNDERDOME LOSER

Kaishai posted:

A claim to have made sense of one of my stories.

Hells yeah! Implied potential understanding! I'm legitimately excited. Now I'm going to make the celebratory triple-post because I think there's some kind of wordbarf limit, then I'm going to bed.

J.A.B.C. - You're using "level" as an adjective, but I initially read it as the noun phrase "pressure level". "Steady" would have been less ambiguous (although I doubt anyone else stumbled there). Write out "twenty-three". One also doesn't attribute dialogue with a capital letter: '"...you'll do fine," he said'. You might want to quote the quote of "Stay calm.", as I thought you were jumping into a present-tense narrator thought. And honestly that whole paragraph could use some rewording. I'm going to stop noting technical errors, especially around quotations. There are a lot of them.

Ah, you're fresh blood and nobody else has posted yet, you're gonna get some extra words because it's too early for bedtime although I'd rather it weren't.

The paragraph beginning "Marsh Daniels" (which is an unusually usual name for a Martian) tells us what they could see in his face, then tells us what it means. Telling removes the reader from the immediacy of the situation, and considering how much damage there was you probably don't want that. Also, you've got a few unspecific things which would work out better as concrete examples. Consider the following:

Head Engineer Marsh Daniels towered over the command table. His tanned Martian face was lined with sweat, but every eye of the Preparation Crew was fixated on him. He'd spent seventy-two consecutive hours in the hangar, going over the damage.

"The [capitalized Captain" has "piercing blues". That's awfully intimate for a cadet, unless you're trying to imply romantic interest. Also, when the whispers stopped, they were a "they", not an "it". I'm a little too tired to go over it in detail, but I feel like you have jarring shifts of mood. Some sections have repeated, chained, weary, comma-separated adjectives. Others are terse. Abrupt. Hasty.

If Williams' comms gear was smashed, how's his ear still buzzing?

I'm one to talk, but in the conversation on your third section:

"Ten minutes, Williams," the captain's voice called out. "Get strapped in." [Captain]

"Strapped in." [Williams]

"Confirmed, strapped in." [Captain]

"Connecting air supply to auxiliary tank." [Williams]

"Connection confirmed." [Captain]

"Then we'll see you on the ground," he said [That's not Williams! Is that the captain? Then who was the person before? Now I'm confused.]

More abrupt sentences followed by excessively descriptive ones. If I wanted a roller-coaster I would've gone to the carnival, but the carnival's not in town so I'll settle for an arcade instead. I'm not sure if your prose is getting worse, or if I'm just getting more tired [of it]. I can see why the judges are always so grumpy.

You've got an okay-if-simple idea in your head, but your writing suffers a lot from what I'm going to assume is haste. There are numerous technical errors and a few other hints that make me think you Wrote this piece, but you didn't Read it. As for the prose, you'd do better to limit yourself to two commas per sentence and incomplete sentences (sparingly) to dialogue.

thehomemaster
Jul 16, 2014

by Ralp


Ah, mediocre again, just as I like it.

To answer below: no I didn't re-read it once. Shameful.

thehomemaster fucked around with this message at Nov 11, 2014 around 05:59

Hammer Bro.
Jul 7, 2007

THUNDERDOME LOSER

Cacto - You prefacin' your story? We don't take kindly to prefaces 'round these parts. 'specially when those prefaces put you over the word count. The phrase "singing out the vocals" is awkward, and following it with non-vocals information is a bit clunky. Your description of Zav feels like a forced insert. Maybe even following the "Hey." with a "said Zav." would've helped the flow. Or a paragraph break. I just don't like it as-is. Also how is his casual approach to life his worst feature if James likes the uncertainty it causes the most? "the windows were getting" passive voice. "Air conditioner" is two words. I'm starting to agree with the others, "James could almost hate Zav's grin." is a poor construction. He couldn't hate it, so I guess he disliked it, but instead of saying what didn't happen say what did: "Zav's grin [peeved/vexed/taunted] James." If the fires are that loud with the window open, they're close to that loud with the window closed, yet they slept through that much noise 'til this point? Bit of a stretch.

There were a few points about this one I liked. The characters felt believable and natural. I liked that the romance was present but downplayed, and you had a few good ideas with regard to descriptions (how Zav wakes up is the perfect thing for a lover to notice). The bad pun was a nice touch, too. Most of your other descriptions weren't bad, but they weren't great, either. I think there was potential for me, the reader, to feel the heat of their environment, as opposed to occasionally being reminded of it. And the plot was pretty predictable: it's too hot, things are on fire, now their thing is on fire. I'm not impressed, but I'm not offended. Characterization and subtle intimate details are the strong points. The other things are the mediocre points. And capitalize the "loving" in your title.

Chairchucker - Four lines in and I'm going to assume that your names have significance: Angela (angel), Robin (bird), Knitter (uh, someone who knits things. Wingy things). I like the anthropomorphization, although I'm not sure if Knitter is also a bird or something else. For as abstractly realistic as you're being with the rest of the piece, I don't buy Robin flying with ash-leaf wings. No major complaints, but it also didn't pass the threshold of cuteness/interest for this to be a memorable piece.

JcDent - Hah. Took me a sec to figure out to mentally confirm that you wanted noun-still, but I like the start. "At a relatively safe distance". Bit removed for things to touch "the face" as opposed to "their faces". Okay, you have a lot of awkward phrase choices. One 'i' in "pegasi". "OrBat hAIbrid"? Did this suddenly turn from a vaguely interesting premise to an MMO for thirteen year olds? The "first guy" broke the silence. I'm okay with you not attributing your quotes (be interesting for both of us to see how the judges feel about it), but don't do it because your characters aren't Important People with Names. Especially when you're dropping so many other [potentially/arbitrarily] capitalized nouns.

Let me see if I can summarize: Two or more unnamed characters are camping out by the fire. They tell stories exposing the elementary school quality collage of high school fantasy ideas. Then they go home. Normally we shoot for some kind of conflict and resolution in our stories.

FouRPlaY - Hooboy. I'm pretty sure I could write more words than you did about how using phones as general purpose devices is leading to the downfall of society, but let's see what I can manage with this story. Jack Stevenson == Steve Jackson? Ugh, I don't want to do this. There are a handful of technical errors or inconsistencies that I'm going to blame on the phone and therefore not point out. I get where you're going with this, but dang did it feel forced. Crammed-down-my-throat character growth. The unrealistic actions and banter of caricatures instantly transforms into the manly and righteous actions of... caricatures. Your story didn't have people in it. Or enough line breaks.

Quidnose - All right. So. You're trying to tell a dark story through the innocent eyes of a child. I'm going to assume you're not specifically trying to enrage us readers. Children speak in simple sentences and run-on sentences, yes. They also think very concretely. And were they writing, they'd probably spell things wrong. But you're going too far. The misspellings beat us over the head, and would only actually be present were this piece written by an eight year old. The fact that it's written doesn't appear to add anything to the story and if it were narrated by the eight year old we'd have far fewer spelling stumbling blocks. Writing children is hard. But reading this is excruciating.

Anathema Device - Nice details. The paragraph after the first break is especially descriptive of both the environment and Jessica's emotional state. Oooh, nice impression of trauma with the trowel-stabbing scene. Ah, turns out that was foreshadowing, not just juicy details. I think this one has been the first one to really make me feel the prompt. The "If I caught his eyes" line probably would've worked better as a declaration instead of a conditional statement, but that was the only minor stumble. Everything else just poured into me and warmed the aorta.

Benny the Snake - "Jenks Lake". Forgot to close a quote. "The forest itself is comprised of almost nothing but pine trees to the point where the scent of fresh pine was overwhelming." a bit repetitive. Probably would've been better as "The scent of fresh pine was overwhelming." If you look at the verbs for that and the next few sentences, you'll see is/was/was/was/was/was. Monotonous to read; mix it up some. Speaking of monotony: '"I told you..." Dad told me'. There's a case for "said". I've also been thinking about ORAS at inappropriate times, so bonus surprise empathy there. It's unclear who says "Twenty-four inches!". If it's the boy, it's not indicated, but if it's the dad then you shouldn't close the quote at the paragraph break. Overall, that was actually a pretty cute tale. Smoother than many of your other stories I've read, and without most of the usual repeated offenses. I'd still say you should proofread a little more, but it wasn't too bad overall. I smiled at the protagonist's minor victory, and I felt like there was a real relationship between the characters.

thehomemaster - Line break. "Around her" needs a comma, or it reads like the tents were hers and wrecks the rest of the sentence. Wait, they were moving about in their tents, and the same they were also frozen in place? "a mere trickle" is also awkwardly inserted. The soggy grass was the first well-constructed scene I came across. I didn't catch the sleep-depreivation since she went to sleep at dusk and woke up when the sun was bright. Sheesh, that's more sleeping than I can manage without heavy-duty curtains. "She was a dugout part of land"'s paragraph: did you reread this story at all? Are you not a native English speaker? There's a whole lot of Awkward going on. Well. Tolerable concept, flawed execution. Read it over a few times before you submit.

starr - You've piqued my interest with the creeping death. I assume this comes from actual folklore. In the dialogue some of those commas could be upgraded to periods, and some commas added besides. Generally well told, and now I am curious about the mythology on which it's based. The end is a bit of a let-down: she's still in the same position of denial she started in.

Entenzahn - Provocative start. Good way of showing a troubled character. The line about the cliches is a good one, too. Endearing and well-written. The situation was academically a bit daytime-television dramatic but the execution engendered empathy and nothing felt over-the-top. Carry on, then.

Hammer Bro.
Jul 7, 2007

THUNDERDOME LOSER

Congratulations, procrastinators! You win much more sleep-deprived, cranky, and distracted crits.

newtestleper - "had let a crust of ice had formed". "only just too big" doesn't read well to me, at least in my current state. "Slightly" would've gone down better. You build up an intense situation (cliff), then let us down with wimpy wording ("He felt pain through his whole body", versus something like "Pain wracked his entire body"). The twist doesn't surprise me -- I figured he'd end up doing better than her in some regard just because it would've been an uneventful story otherwise. Not bad, per say, but more obligatory than engaging. I did feel like you'd been on the slopes a time or two, so good job sounding authoritative. I didn't super care about the protagonist, but I guess I didn't hate him, either.

Ironic Twist - "backyard" is an adjective, "back yard" is the noun phrase. How does spring make that things are hidden more apparent? You've lost me. The hugs line is a good bit of characterization. You distance us a little by referring to "hide-and-seek" as "the game of hide-and-seek"; we know it's a game. Nice abrupt shift in mood -- you're giving endearing descriptions, then something bad happens in a sentence. And I don't quite know what it is. Oh, abusive husband. Feels a bit out of place, him hardly being mentioned before. Most of your evocations work, but the rhetorical question breaks the flow. I thought about it some as an actual question, then realized you went on to answer it. So why did you ask me? Those two questions really mar your otherwise charming story. There was another story told about an eight-year-old: this one does as good a job capturing childiness as the other one did not.

Djeser - Heh. You've set the tone in the first four words. Counting the bullets is a nice touch; really builds the tension. "Ace fired and" should probably be "Ace fired but", even if it was obviously not going to be that easy. Even the cheesy climactic dialogue was inspiring and amusing. You went for a different tone than most of the other stories so far, and you nailed it.

Some Guy TT - I don't usually think of someone who gets too fancy showing off as lackadaisical. That's also not quite how I normally use considerate -- deliberate would've fit better. Anything that's "practically assured" in a story is going to end up the other way; humanity has become borderline-allergic to that construct. Ain't no reason to expect "Ain't" at this point in your story. Mildly jarring. Ear to ear and bigger and bigger are two repetitive phrases too close together for my liking -- rewording one would've helped the flow. "pulled up until backwards"? Overall a little clumsy, although it could probably still be polished into something more endearing.

Nethilia - "turn on the wipers", "turning them to a steady pulse": repetitive phrasing. I like the counting Mississippis. Huh, second such error this week, but "backseat" is an adjective whereas "back seat" is the noun. Twelve Mississippi before the sound? It's been a while since I've heard thunder, but wouldn't that be a gargantuan bolt well off into the distance? Oh, you just described it. I guess I'm off. Hmm, another divorce story. I'm in less of a mood at present, so let's see how well you make me sympathize. Currently I'm a little bit sad on her behalf. The lack-of-thump line was a good one. The symphonic storm bit is a decent piece of description and foreshadowing. Overall, I liked the other divorce story better. I think because in this case I see a victim and a bit of a clown, for lack of a better word about the type, playing out a common modern drama which I don't associate with (didn't even realize Maury Povich was still on television). I haven't been involved in any philanderous relationships and I don't expect to be. The tone of this one is also depressing overall, which it does moderately well but is something I'm less likely to want to read. The other one was more optimistic, and I could empathize a bit better with a character who was actively trying to cope with a situation than somebody being wishy-washy.

blue squares - I'm (medium) interested after your first paragraph. The "I squinted" sentence has too many commas and descriptors. Flows poorly and you're already pushing the 1200 word boundary since I'm of the opinion that titles count. I'm not sure why "Golden Shovel" is capitalized, unless it were "Mr. Electroworth's Famous Golden Shovel". I like his method of killing weeds. Okay, it was manslaughter. I assumed it was going to be murder -- the tone makes more sense now. The juxtaposition of major and employment is decent. Okay, this one actually does a good job at wholing up to more than the sum of its parts. I fell for your bait and was delighted by your switch. Mr. Electroworth's reaction most specifically, but also the character's wholehearted delve into greed. Only a minorly ambitious tale, but entirely successful at what it intended.

ceaselessfuture - "won't" -> "wouldn't". Yikes, failing to get into a junior college? You're not on the west coast, I presume. "the College" -> "the college". Posing the test question like that is a nice effect that I haven't seen done too frequently. Flipped in unison -- foreshadowing? (Hold on a sec, I think that's a dog. Whoa, that's a big dog. What's a big dog doing in the office?) Changing his own answers for her sake, huh? Eh? They ended up with the same answers? That's not terribly consistent with the information I read. It makes sense that they got caught, and it's believable that he'd sacrifice himself for her (he kind of did already), but the ending really lacks oomph. I suppose because you'd already foreshadowed the important bits. I'm also not feeling the significance of her kind of looking like his sister. Passable up until that ending.

Obliterati - Great dialogue, interesting rivalry -- the protagonist thinks a bit more bitterly than he speaks. Comfortable SF setting. I'm going to go out on a limb and guess, at the first sentence of the second section, that they're still on Earth. Earned a smirk with the 'detect' line. Now you're strongly implying that it's not Earth, hmm... "Garden, legs aching". I'm not sure spread-eagle gets conjugated. All right, fine, not Earth, stupid sleep deprivation. Not sure if there was anything to imply that as the twist or if I'm just way off. The actual twist was all right, and I can understand its significance, but I didn't really feel it. The characterization between the rivals was great, the eco-terrorist felt kind of tacked-on. Having the import of the reveal being tied to a side-character's motivation might've been what made it feel deflated to me.

Paladinus - "great-great-grandmother"? "It was a stressful time for Lin." Telling (as opposed to showing); a bit weak. The sentence ending in "sabotage" could've stood to be two, possibly three, sentences. That's "quite" a murmur. Drop the "act of" in the "cosmic ballet". I don't buy Lin suddenly getting sentimental about earth. It's also contradictory (in my head) that they care about Christmas to keep it as a Space Tradition yet they also acknowledge all the other religious milestones. Overall a bit rough.

Fumblemouse - Not sure how I feel about "stockinged". Not bad, I guess, but I had to pause a sec and think about it. I would've preferred italicized thoughts instead of spoken monologue -- I don't really buy that anybody speaks aloud to themselves when they're alone unless you've constructed special circumstances. Abrupt change of tone there (not a complaint). "wetly" I could do without (doesn't add much; feels too Tom Swifty). "epically" pink? I do like the tuna-hiss comparison. Mildly amusing, but the setting as a gag will be quickly forgotten. (I suspect some other things that could be described with "quickly" were involved with this story.)

Shaky Premise - Why did I think parts of this were in present tense? I must be hallucinating. Why is the protagonist reluctant to head back out into the cold if the inside of the cabin is just as cold? I'm not sure if I'm dizzy with fatigue, or if it's partially inspired by your story, but many of the phrasings don't work for me. Ah! You are jumping tenses! So. There's a lot I could've said, but it would've been specific and negative. Instead you've made me want to take a break from computers and reading. The most constructive thing I've got for you is that it felt too preachy. Too many telling adverbs (adverbs!).

crabrock - Leashed skunk? I'm listening. "there's". Heh, saved by the bell. Mildly melancholic, but not strongly evocative. I like that the two people are having separate conversations at each other, mainly because it happens far too often in real life (except at least one party isn't cognizant of it). Kinda bland, overall. I get (but don't believe, not to that level) that she's wisty and being wistful and there's some wist and that's that.

Broenheim - "getting the bridge wet" is a bit weak. "splashing onto the bridge" or somesuch might do better. I believe the more common phrase is "broke her concentration". "This is my favorite part of this day." feels off; stilted. Flat. "I thought you loved it here?" is spoken as a question, but it's not really a question. Hah! "every word I thought felt hollow" indeed. I'm not that down on this story but it certainly isn't doing much for me. "do you call it quits now?" "mean?". Okay, deadlinitis has set in. The flashback was well-executed. Would've been poignant if I'd cared about the characters, but you gave me no reason to care about them. They're just some people I don't associate that are having personal problems that aren't reflective of anything going on in my life. Maybe this works for someone who's been in a similar situation, but without inspiring empathy, I don't think it does for the general populace.

docbeard - The queen of Virginia, hmm? You've generated some curiosity about your backdrop. There's something delightful about this kind of deliberate, fantasized denial. You're near a chord about the beauty of humanity in the face of strife, although I don't think you've hit it quite yet. I also like that your character abandons her quest for Mystery Dad. B+. Imaginative, touching, and reasonably insightful about the human condition, but lacking some little punch of je ne sais quoi to push it up to greatness. Probably going to be one of the few from this week that I remember for any length of time.

Grizzled Patriarch - The punctuation around '"Martin?" [\r]?\n Mrs. Whitaker was watching him' is a little awkward. It'd read better to me as one line. An interesting but short passage. Not much more to say about it other than it felt not-quite-complete to me. Or perhaps I didn't have enough investment to care about the payout of the climax. A few good images.

Noah - People took to saving scalps and ears for a reason. Heads sound cumbersome. "thinners, they called them,..." doesn't need the "they called them", since you just called them that and the context makes it clear already. Captures the chill without bludgeoning me with it. Wow, a lot of incorrect compounds this week. "Anymore" means roughly "no longer", temporally. You wanted "any more", which would mean "no additional". And ironically, you also want "skinhead". "spat". Auto-correct accordion? Your dialogue sentences could use a few periods for commas. Huh. The murder wasn't surprising, but the identity swap was unexpected. And not in the good way. You need to establish a little more context in the story before you throw something significant like that out there, or it's not going to feel important nor bring reader satisfaction.

SurreptitiousMuffin - "Karla." I'm a bit burnt out on getting-over-their-exes stories but I'm still with you for the solid imagery and currently questionable sanity. Cute, but not long enough or perhaps not strong enough for me to really grieve for their loss, empathize with her denial, or be warmed by her eventual acceptance. For whatever reason I just didn't terribly connect with your characters. Winter came across soundly.

kurona_bright - I can associate with the overnapped-voice. Cutting someone off before they begin sounds odd to my ear. Preempted would've felt better. "dead, then?". "clinic" is a bit at odds with "village". One is sophisticated, the other, rustic. "didn't" -> "don't". All right, your minor errors are getting written off as procrastinatory haste. Emotionally labile. Wow, you're all over the place, aren't you? Not enough context ot make any of the surprising turns of character believable or things I'd want to follow.

Walamor - "If you persist in making assumptions, you will miss out on much." is fairly stuffy dialogue. You'll want that second "vicar" (nice word, that) capitalized. "starting to spilling". It's a tidy enough story, and I like future reverting to the past on the bones of technology, but, uh... not terribly feeling it. Might be slightly weary of reading at this point. Perhaps you didn't make me believe their situation in which they have and know how to operate heaters (of sorts) but can't figure out any other decent way of keeping warm (no reason to think the world is out of trees). The telling of the religious interpretations was a little dry as well.

Your Sledgehammer - The cortisol line is clunky, especially in comparison to your previous smoothness. A bit volatile to go from "put that back!" to dripping with adoration. Saying that she sees things in "a first person perspective" is a little detached. Consider next time something more personal, since this is an intimate phenomenon, such as "from their eyes" or "as they remembered it". I'm only going to acknowledge your pun this much. "A touch too little" is awkward. And you change speakers without changing paragraphs. That's a no-no as it confuses us readers. I did get a hint of the father not being so great from the mother's overidolization, but I don't feel strongly for her loss. I did find the magical ability a pleasant fantasy, and the overall body of work was decent, with a few disruptive bits toward the end.

Phobia - Ah, just in time for the deadline. And just as I'm tired of reading, you appear to be tired of writing. I don't take kindly to the half-assed token efforts. That guy who's late but doing it anyway goes down way better in my book than this (assuming he actually does it anyway). I'd say more, but then I might beat your word count.

Chairchucker
Nov 14, 2006

The man was stunningly well dressed. He had a smart looking jacket, and a really neat looking cape, the lining of which was shimmering and sparkling in more than Oriental splendour, which is a great deal of splendour indeed, just ask Kipling.

Thunderdome Week CXIX: Oh! Calamity!

This week's stories will take place in the immediate* aftermath of a calamitous occurrence. The calamity can be personal, local, global, whatever, but with the following caveats:

No Calamity Jane fanfic. (No fanfic at all really, but particularly no Calamity Jane.)
Your characters have to actually be affected by the calamity in some way, they can't just ignore it.
No calamities that cause the death or zombification or whatever of a majority of the local/National/global whatever population.

If you want additional inspiration, you may request a musical flash rule of me, so that I may impose my music taste on you. (Basically just use the song I post as inspiration or whatever.)

Sign up deadline: When I get home from softball on Saturday afternoon, 15 Nov 14 which is probably like 2 pm Sydney time. (It's probably a couple of hours earlier than usual, you'll deal.)
Submissions close: When I get home from work on Monday morning, 17 Nov 14, which is usually about 4:30 pm Sydney time. (You'll probably have like an hour longer than usual, but maybe don't push your luck, huh?)

Judges: Me, Djeser and maybe someone else if I manage to conscript someone.

Word count: 789, because why not.


Entrants:
Ironic Twist - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S10cuVVxF7c
thehomemaster
Quidnose - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z_GCwRA8vHU
Obliterati
N. Senada
blue squares, who for his baseless accusations regarding my sexual practices gets a flash rule despite not asking for one - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PHrkv4JRnC0
Grizzled Patriarch
SurreptitiousMuffin - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SQfMg0ejewk
Gau - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QnXjISlKLuE
JcDent - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Le-3MIBxQTw
Schneider Heim
Cacto - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VGAhaFtDpCw
Anathema Device - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jYkeS7e3UTQ
Entenzahn
Sebmojo
Tyrannosaurus
Jitzu_the_Monk
Your Sledgehammer
chthonic bell
Phobia - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yzibA7YP7VM
FouRPlaY
ceaselessfuture
Sitting Here
Cache Cab
docbeard
Fuschia tude - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZpcihMC_z0Q
SealHammer
Beef Steakwell - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f9P5qOg8jdQ
Mercedes
Fumblemouse - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qdYoUbyffVM
Clandestine - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z36Z0Fo-7zQ
Baby Babbeh
ThirdEmperor
Lord Humongus - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xA1Eyhr6qsk
Kaishai
Echo Cian


*Like, pretty soon after. Doesn't have to be the exact moment, but don't set it a decade later or anything.

Chairchucker fucked around with this message at Nov 15, 2014 around 06:11

Ironic Twist
Aug 3, 2008

THUNDERDOME LOSER



In, .

E: I'll take a flash rule also.

Ironic Twist fucked around with this message at Nov 11, 2014 around 06:21

thehomemaster
Jul 16, 2014

by Ralp


I'm in like Flynn.

Quidthulhu
Dec 17, 2003

Stand down, men! It's only smooching!


In, flash rule me!

Obliterati
Nov 13, 2012

Ask me about being the most Magnificent Bastard in EU4 Multiplayer.

In.

Some Guy TT
Aug 30, 2011


Hammer Bro. posted:

Congratulations, procrastinators! You win much more sleep-deprived, cranky, and distracted crits.

Whoa a fellow losertar turning out a bunch of crits. Kind of makes me want to volunteer to judge. Too bad I can't read!

crabrock
Aug 2, 2002

aka sticklegs



Grimey Drawer

I'm out this week because I am going to a neuroscience conference in DC, but I want you to know it's not personal CC.

Congrats

N. Senada
May 17, 2011


I'll do this and am In.

blue squares
Sep 28, 2007


Soiled Meat

Chairchucker posted:

Thunderdome Week CXIV: Oh! Calamity!



I got a compliment already for my story!
So In for this one.

quote:

Word count: 789, because why not.

Motherfucker

Grizzled Patriarch
Mar 27, 2014

These dentures won't stop me from tearing out jugulars in Thunderdome.




In as hell.

Chairchucker
Nov 14, 2006

The man was stunningly well dressed. He had a smart looking jacket, and a really neat looking cape, the lining of which was shimmering and sparkling in more than Oriental splendour, which is a great deal of splendour indeed, just ask Kipling.

Prompt updated with correct number (thanks Kai) and flash rules and such including one for blue squares for being so impolite.

Benny the Snake
Apr 10, 2012

Whose kitty litter did I shit in?


I'm not feeling this prompt, so I'm offering one free crit. First come, first serve.

blue squares
Sep 28, 2007


Soiled Meat

Chairchucker posted:

Prompt updated with correct number (thanks Kai) and flash rules and such including one for blue squares for being so impolite.

1. This is unfair and I'm going to cry.
2. What am I even supposed to do with that video
1b. That was more an explicative like when stubbing one's toe than a name-calling. Just for the Official Thunderdome Record.

Edit

Chairchucker posted:

UPDATE ON MUSICAL FLASH RULES EVEN THOUGH WE'VE HAD THESE LIKE A BILLION TIMES BEFORE.

I will post a song. You will listen to the song. The song will in some vague way relate to your story.

THAT IS ALL.
Hey hey I'm new. Calm down motherfucker

blue squares fucked around with this message at Nov 11, 2014 around 06:35

Chairchucker
Nov 14, 2006

The man was stunningly well dressed. He had a smart looking jacket, and a really neat looking cape, the lining of which was shimmering and sparkling in more than Oriental splendour, which is a great deal of splendour indeed, just ask Kipling.

UPDATE ON MUSICAL FLASH RULES EVEN THOUGH WE'VE HAD THESE LIKE A BILLION TIMES BEFORE.

I will post a song. You will listen to the song. The song will in some vague way relate to your story.

THAT IS ALL.

blue squares
Sep 28, 2007


Soiled Meat

Benny the Snake posted:

I'm not feeling this prompt, so I'm offering one free crit. First come, first serve.

That'd be awesome thank you!

SurreptitiousMuffin
Mar 21, 2010

I got it wrong. Look, I'm well aware I got it wrong and uh, I got it wrong.


Sure why not. Hit me, Seat Thrower. In.

newtestleper
Oct 30, 2003


Thank you so much for the crit, Hammer. You are a scholar and a gentleman!

Gau
Nov 18, 2003

I don't think you understand, Gau.


I have dishonored myself yet again and so I deserve a flash rule.

JcDent
May 13, 2013

Give me a rifle, one round, and point me at Berlin!


Chairchucker is the most eloquent of gentlemen, so I'm signing up for this week. Hit me with some music!

crabrock
Aug 2, 2002

aka sticklegs



Grimey Drawer

blue squares posted:

2. What am I even supposed to do with that video



Schneider Heim
Oct 17, 2012


In.

N. Senada
May 17, 2011


blue squares posted:

1. This is unfair and I'm going to cry.
2. What am I even supposed to do with that video
1b. That was more an explicative like when stubbing one's toe than a name-calling. Just for the Official Thunderdome Record.

Edit

Hey hey I'm new. Calm down motherfucker

you are a superstar, embrace the fame

Cacto
Jan 29, 2009


I'm in and I'm up for a musical prompt too.

Anathema Device
Dec 22, 2009

by Ion Helmet


in and I'll take a flash rule.

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

Entenzahn
Nov 15, 2012

What will you say when
your child asks:
why didn't you invest in
Thunderdome?


In

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