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  • Locked thread
Djeser
Mar 22, 2013



Going to give this a shot.

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Djeser
Mar 22, 2013



Assuming Erogenous Beef is correct, I'm still #19. But I stuck with 750 anyway.

Man After Man (749 words)

Djeser fucked around with this message at Dec 31, 2014 around 19:43

Djeser
Mar 22, 2013



In.

Djeser
Mar 22, 2013



Here, I got off too easy.

http://forums.somethingawful.com/sh...=#post424335626

Djeser
Mar 22, 2013



By the Light of Stars
(998 words)

Djeser fucked around with this message at Dec 31, 2014 around 19:44

Djeser
Mar 22, 2013



I am in.

Djeser
Mar 22, 2013



Mercedes posted:

Djeser

This deserved the loss, or at least a DM. Not only was this not a mystery, but we requested you not write fantastique type of stories. I was annoyed the whole way though cause your stupid protag didn’t have a goddamn name. AND you were over the word limit.

All you needed was some poop and you’d be set.

Djeser posted:

Dung seeped up through freshly torn earth.



don't ever accuse me of not being a pooplord

edit for serious: Titles actually count toward your word count? Wasn't aware of that.

Djeser fucked around with this message at Jan 24, 2014 around 03:17

Djeser
Mar 22, 2013



gently caress You, Got Mine
888 words inclusive


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Matrioshka_brain

Djeser fucked around with this message at Dec 31, 2014 around 19:45

Djeser
Mar 22, 2013



In with the awkward to say '10s.

Djeser fucked around with this message at Jan 27, 2014 around 23:35

Djeser
Mar 22, 2013



All right I'm in for serious this time, with the far-future years of the 2010's.

Djeser
Mar 22, 2013



I am also sick like a little wimpy babby and must bow out like a little wimpy babby.

Djeser
Mar 22, 2013



In. Iodine.

Djeser
Mar 22, 2013



sebmojo posted:

If you failed to submit last round, you should be toxxing yourself this round. No excuses. Toxx or drop out.

me like a big wimpy babby

Djeser
Mar 22, 2013



The Sky
1085 words

Djeser fucked around with this message at Dec 31, 2014 around 19:46

Djeser
Mar 22, 2013



element: iodine btw

Djeser
Mar 22, 2013



Yeah sure I'm in and I'll probably even give more of a poo poo about myself than I did about iodine

Djeser
Mar 22, 2013



To Impress
(199 words)

Djeser fucked around with this message at Dec 31, 2014 around 19:46

Djeser
Mar 22, 2013



As The Dome Turns Interprompt

Heraklion papyri Hk-j03
(300 words)


(HORUS stands at the island in his kitchen in the PALACE OF THE HIDDEN AND REVEALED. He is preparing candied figs, but looks anxious. He picks up his cell phone, then brushes his forehead feathers.)

HORUS: Hail, my consort. I have sent out my Eye but have yet to find you. After last night, I am--

(HORUS is interrupted by HATHOR coming in through the kitchen door. She straightens her solar disk and tries to smooth out her linen dress.)

HORUS: My Mansion, my consort, you are back!

(HORUS runs toward her, but stops short and cocks his beak. HATHOR responds immediately, as if knowing his suspicion.)

HATHOR: It was Aphrodite Hagne! She invited me to an orgy and--

(The camera cuts, HORUS in the foreground, HATHOR over his shoulder.)


HORUS: This was no goddess’s orgy night. I smell the Greek wine. Tell me. Was it Bacchus?

(HATHOR is near tears. The kitchen door bursts open and SARAPIS squeezes his giant serpentine tail into the kitchen. He is not wearing a shirt and has magnificent mastabas.)

FEMALE SLAVES IN AUDIENCE: [Cheers and wolf whistles]

(HATHOR runs to SARAPIS and nuzzles against his beard.)

HORUS: You half-breed bastard! Greek in Egyptian clothes!

HATHOR: You see the whole of the Two Lands, but you never see what’s in my heart. I love Sarapis!

(SARAPIS wraps a well-oiled arm around HATHOR. HORUS tears open the cabinets and flings a pot at them.)

HORUS: Run back to Alexandria, you...Greek-lover!

(SARAPIS pouts handsomely as he pulls HATHOR away in his coils.)

HATHOR: I will!

(SARAPIS slithers out of the kitchen. HORUS grabs a bottle of beer from the fridge, then slumps into the breakfast nook.)

HORUS: My only mother and wife...Hathor, my Mansion!

(HORUS sobs into his beer.)

Djeser
Mar 22, 2013



I am in for this.

And, as promised, I am ed for this week. However, I am not toxxed for submitting. My past two TD entries have shown that this is not enough. I have been writing bullshit I would not have posted if this wasn't Thunderdome, and that's not the way things should be.

This week, I am toxxed for caring. I have to care sufficiently about my submission, with sebmojo as the judge of whether I gave a poo poo or not.

Djeser
Mar 22, 2013



INTERPROMPT CRITS
Courtesy of Network Executive Stereotype


tenniseveryone posted:

Behind The Dome

You got two pitches here. Soap opera that's about a soap opera? Nerds eat that meta poo poo up. Soap opera about an apocalypse? Get AMC on the phone, we got a followup to Breaking Dead. Put the two together and your viewers are gonna get confused. You gotta have actors doing stuff too. Dramatic scenes, you know? Right now all we got is someone doing the recap.

Nielson rating: 6.7

Meinberg posted:

Oh No, Clones!

Clones and mad scientists is top drama material. But holy poo poo, we gotta get a better cameraman. Where the hell are these guys? You got the sorta complex poo poo bored housewives love, but I'm not feeling the emotion. And this scientist guy--what's he trying to do? Evil clones have to have an agenda, and that agenda is drugs and politics.

Nielson rating: 9.5


The gently caress is a Newberry? STDs are good poo poo, let me tell you. But why'd they stop and act all self-referential for a minute? You've got forty two minutes between the ads, and I want every inch between Tide and Godiva dripping with poo poo that makes our viewers stick around. Tell you what, you got a pilot, if one of them comes back as a vampire or some poo poo. We need the teenage girl demographic.

Nielson rating: 14.2

Lake Jucas posted:

Hearts of Gemini

You got a pretty solid cut. Maybe you don't have a good director, maybe your scenery guy's kinda poo poo. Gonna have to get someone in to fix that up, give it some punch that'll make the idiots tune in. But you got your heart in the right place for twin-based melodrama. Tell you what, I'll pay you for the rights, and we'll give this to someone who'll make it look loving great.

Nielson rating: 10.1

SurreptitiousMuffin posted:

Trouble in Paradise

This look like Telemundo to you? Well you better start calling me loving Pedro cause you got a show. "Hombre." Hahahaha.

Nielson rating: 16.9

Djeser
Mar 22, 2013



I am late, but I am posting, because I care. I may fail, but I give a poo poo.

My set: http://lego.wikia.com/wiki/6987_Message-Intercept_Base


My flash rule: Must be set in a Midwestern megachurch

In Limbo
(750 words)

Djeser fucked around with this message at Dec 31, 2014 around 19:48

Djeser
Mar 22, 2013







I'm in.

Djeser fucked around with this message at Feb 27, 2014 around 14:16

Djeser
Mar 22, 2013



Seb:
Systran gave me a good idea of where mine (Why we lay our Mirrors face-down at night) was weak, but I'm curious to see further comments from you, since you seemed to like it more than he did.

Systran, your comments (on the doc and in IRC) were substantial enough that I have a good idea of what I should fix.

Now tell us the name of our new lord and the name of our newest 'Dome bitch.

Djeser
Mar 22, 2013



Thunderdome Interprompt
Dangerous
(200 words)
An explosion rocked the house of Charles Dangerous, naturalist.

"God drat it," he growled.

Charles Dangerous hated being interrupted during entomology time. He threw his chainsaw to the ground.

Sexyanna's voice crackled in his ear. "It's the green anaconda, it's escaped!" she gasped, desperate to get his giant snake under control, and also there was a anaconda on the loose.

"Get on the radio right now, babe. Warn the mayor that he'll need a cleanup crew for one huge-rear end dead snake."

Charles Dangerous hopped into The Eagle, his transforming fighter jet, and shot out of his volcano cave mansion's conservatory.

The anaconda roared and spat globs of radioactive venom at the police choppers zooming around it. Charles heard the screams as a chopper was dissolved by mutant snake drool.

"You can't run," he growled with his dark but handsome past, "An' aconda hide."

Green slime shot toward him. For a moment, hope was lost. Then the twin minigun turrets tore through the acid and the snake like Charles was going tear through Sexyanna tonight.

The mayor flexed as he saluted Charles Dangerous's jet.

"A true American hero..." the mayor sighed masculinely.

"With a dark past," Charles added.



Guinness record: Green anaconda - most extreme exaggeration as to its actual size of any animal

Djeser
Mar 22, 2013



Meinberg. A certain sys-someone in IRC had trouble telling us apart. The only indignity worse than not being known is being mistaken for someone else, and I want retribution.

Brawl me, so that people can remember which one of us is which.

Djeser
Mar 22, 2013



"In," Djeser ejaculated.

Djeser
Mar 22, 2013



EchoCian, you want to write some folklore stuff? Let's do it.

Folklore brawl me.

Djeser
Mar 22, 2013



Alicanto
(1083 words)

Djeser fucked around with this message at Dec 31, 2014 around 19:49

Djeser
Mar 22, 2013



In for ookie spooky ghosties

Djeser
Mar 22, 2013



sebmojo posted:

EchoDjeserBrawl

Djeser and Echo Cian: you will give me 500 words of folktale, by next Thursday 11.59 pm PST.

Go to this page, take your first and last initials and pick a folktale category from each letter, (so a John Smith might pick 'Love like salt' and 'The Jackal and the Farmer') then show me what happens when those two tales collide.

Snake and serpent husbands and Hodja, Nasreddin: Eat, My Coat, Eat

Second-Woman-Story
(500 words)

Djeser fucked around with this message at Dec 31, 2014 around 19:50

Djeser
Mar 22, 2013



This is Thunderdome. Don't pity the judges, because they're not going to pity you.

Write good words, and maybe the judges won't have to pity you.

Djeser
Mar 22, 2013



Burden
(576 words)

Djeser fucked around with this message at Dec 31, 2014 around 19:51

Djeser
Mar 22, 2013



"Entering every thunderdome regardless of the amount of free time you have that week is a bad idea," someone once said.

Then I punched that guy in his dumb face. That's why he only said it once.

Then I said I'm in.

Djeser
Mar 22, 2013



Uprising
974 words

Djeser fucked around with this message at Dec 31, 2014 around 19:52

Djeser
Mar 22, 2013



Mr. Explodeswhenmad
169 words

John Explodeswhenmad got up for work. He was a lawyer in a big, important law firm. Looking nice was a big, important thing for him to do, so judges would think he was good.

But this morning, John Explodeswhenmad found a zit on his cheek. “Butter,” he swore.

When he got in the shower, he found out he was out of shampoo. He couldn't clean his hair and make it look nice. “Cream,” he swore.

When he went into his closet to get his suit, he didn't notice that there was a ketchup stain on the collar. He liked hot dogs, because he was a big important New York lawyer.

John Explodeswhenmad walked all the way to his car before he noticed the stain. “Half and half!” he shouted. He was really mad!

He ran all the way back to his closet. He took off his suit and put on a clean one. This was bad. He was mad. He was going to be...

***

"Late again, Explodeswhenmad?"

Djeser
Mar 22, 2013



DJESERFLASHCRIT
I want blood. You want your stories to get critted. Let's make it happen.

STEP 1: TAKE A FLASH RULE
One per person.

STEP 2: WRITE A STORY
Try not to make it suck more balls than last week's stories.

STEP 3: GET A CRIT
I sit in a dark room and curse the day your mother taught you how to make words.

THE FLASH RULES
Your character is holding an item from the beginning of your story to the end. They do not put it down. That Old Ganon

Your main character gains fame through a tragic accident involving their talent. Toanoradian

Your character's talent was only important in the past. Your character is interested in the future.. Jonked

Your character can fry an egg with just a frying pan and an egg. They can do this literally anywhere, as long as they have a pan and an egg.

Maple syrup is alcoholic before it gets processed. There is a Canadian conspiracy to hide the truth.

Edit PSA: Unofficial flash rules will not be enforced by the judges and are for recreational deathchallenge purposes only.

Djeser fucked around with this message at Mar 26, 2014 around 22:44

Djeser
Mar 22, 2013



Some Guy TT posted:

I'd actually prefer doing crits to writing. But I can't imagine anyone would want crits from someone who's managed to get dishonorable mentions in two Thunderdomes out of two entered.

Crits are helpful to both parties. The one doing the crit gets to elaborate on what things do and don't work for them, which lets them formulate their own tastes more clearly and understand what elements of their own writing they like or don't like seeing in others' writing. Giving someone a crit is useful to them, because even if you're not the greatest writer, you can still say what worked and what didn't work and what might have worked better. The only bad crit is one that's irrelevant to the writing.

quote:

In again anyway. Writing prose is still fun even if I'm bad at it.

This is the best attitude to have, and if it's fun and you learn from your mistakes, then you'll get better and it'll be even more fun.

Djeser
Mar 22, 2013



Jonked posted:

The Final Chore
867 words

You may find your DJESERFLASHCRIT here:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/...dit?usp=sharing

Djeser
Mar 22, 2013



I took mercy on WLOTM and spared him from my shitwords. You have no such luck.

In.

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Djeser
Mar 22, 2013



I'm out. I'd blame work, but gently caress that, this is on me. Hopper, count yourself lucky. Or not, since you're still judging.

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