Register a SA Forums Account here!
JOINING THE SA FORUMS WILL REMOVE THIS BIG AD, THE ANNOYING UNDERLINED ADS, AND STUPID INTERSTITIAL ADS!!!

You can: log in, read the tech support FAQ, or request your lost password. This dumb message (and those ads) will appear on every screen until you register! Get rid of this crap by registering your own SA Forums Account and joining roughly 150,000 Goons, for the one-time price of $9.95! We charge money because it costs us $3,400 per month for bandwidth bills alone, and since we don't believe in shoving popup ads to our registered users, we try to make the money back through forum registrations.
«540 »
  • Locked thread
Tsaedje
May 11, 2007

*AUTISM INSTENSIFIES*








The Worst Thread 2014 Edition aka The Papa Smurf Memorial Thread aka Adolf Hitler's Sex Festival Mclaren Mercedes aka Grand Pricks aka The Final Solution to the Vettel Problem

It's been a grim few months in this year's F1 off-season. John Button, father of driver Jenson Button died suddenly at the age of 70. He was popular throughout the F1 community and will be much missed. Grand Nagus Bernie Ecclestone looks set to be dethroned because of 'allegations' that he bribed someone in order to keep a controlling stake in F1 and still make loads of money a few years back, and we'll all miss him horribly when Christian Horner takes over and literally never shuts up. Oh, and 7 times World Champion Michael Schumacher fell badly whilst skiing and remains in a coma. Worst of all, Sebastian Vettel became a father.

It's all change this year, with new engine specifications likely to determine the running order for at least the first part of the season. It looks very probable that the Vettelsreich is over for this season at least, so everyone relax, decide which Mercedes-powered team you would rather win the Championships and enjoy!



Calendar

If you cannot find a way to legally watch a broadcast live and would like a stream, visit us in irc: #f1 on synirc.net



Crash Course for noobs
Formula 1 is the pinnacle of worldwide motorsport. It's the best drivers out there competing against each-other in cars designed by the best motorsport engineers. The cars are built to a formula (specified by the technical regulations) but it's the engineers' job to maximise the performance of their car with whatever engineering trickery they can squeeze by the rulemakers. It's also the world's most expensive soap opera, complete with rivalries, villains, fights, romances, supermodels, highs, lows and general absurdities.

Each team (or 'constructor') will run two cars in every one of the 19 races scheduled for the 2014 season. Each driver scores points for his finishing position and the team scores the combined total of its drivers' points. The driver with the most points at the end of the season is the new World Drivers' Champion (WDC) and the team with the most points wins the World Constructors' Championship (WCC). Sebastian Vettel and his Red Bull team are the reigning WDC and WCC respectively.



2014 Changes
The most important change is the switch from 2.4 V8 engines to 1.6 turbo V6 hybrid 'power units'. The technology is all very complicated but the general outcome is a reportedly ~600bhp engine supplimented with a further ~160bhp harvested from braking and excess heat, although these numbers may actually be a bit conservative, based on what has been revealed in pre-season testing. The success of a constructor this season may depend on which power unit they run (Mercedes, Ferrari or Renault) and how well they and their drivers adapt to their new characteristics.

In order to 'promote fuel efficiency' each car is now required to complete the entire race distance of ~300km on 100kg of fuel, which is less than 2/3rds of the fuel most teams used last season when fuel use was unrestricted. There is also a maximum fuel flow rate. This will inevitably lead to annoying people complaining that the drivers are 'managing the car' rather than 'purely racing'.

Gearboxes have increased to 8 forward gears (from 7 previously), but now have fixed gear ratios for the whole season - although as this is the first season under these rules one change is actually permitted. Designing gear ratios that let the car perform well both at Monaco and at Monza is an enormous challenge.

The rest of the rule changes are comparatively minor, such as reducing the pit lane speed limit, the number of tyre sets in qualifying, and tweaks to the penalties drivers can accrue. If you want to read them all the official website has them summarised and also in detail if you can be bothered.

...oh yeah and dicknoses. the geniuses at the FIA changed the rules on the forward crash structures, trying to force lower noses that won't decapitate drivers or something, but didn't realise most teams would keep their aerodynamically superior high noses and just slap a 'marital aid' on the front that met the letter of the rules.

Dicknoses aside, by far the most embarrassing addition to the rules for this season is the decision to score the final race of the season with double the usual points. This bafflingly dumb choice only makes sense when you realise that it's very important to keep oil rich Sheikhs paying Bernie megabucks to host the final race of the season, and to make sure that the championship is determined there.



Driver Numbers
For the first time this season drivers have been allowed to choose permanant racing numbers rather than have it determined based on the previous year's championship. This is so they can create horrible hastag portmanteaux like #r8main, #bo77as and #m4x (literally not a joke). OK some of them have marginally more sensible or sentimental reasons for taking their numbers, but the idea as a whole is purely for marketing. Vettel wears 1 as reigning champion but if he doesn't win this season he will wear 5 next year (because 5 is V in Roman numerals, geddit??? So zany!)



Teams and Drivers arranged by engine goodness




Mercedes "The silver and teal car without a dicknose"
"German" | HQ: Brackley, UK | 2013: 2nd, 360pts
Clearly the fastest car in testing, and seems to be very reliable as well. The Brackley team will relish the chance to build a strong headstart like they did in 2009.
  • 6
    Nico Rosberg
    Age: 28 | Nationality: German/Finnish | Starts: 147 Wins: 3 | 2013: 6th (2 wins)
    Many expected 'Britney' to be demolished by Hamilton last year, but he pulled off notable results, not least a superb win in Monaco.

  • 44
    Lewis Hamilton 2008 WDC
    Age: 29 | Nationality: British | Starts: 129 Wins: 22 | 2013: 4th (1 win)
    Switching from McLaren (where he won in 2008) to Mercedes seemed foolish, but what do we know? Favourite to win a second WDC.


Williams "The car with the awesome Martini livery"
British | HQ: Grove, UK | 2013: 9th, 5pts
Started development on this season's car early last season, and it seems to have paid off with many expecting a Williams revival.
  • 19
    Felipe Massa
    Age: 32 | Nationality: Brazilian | Starts: 191 Wins: 11 | 2013: 8th
    Massa vs Hamilton was the story of 2008, and ended in misery for the Brazilian. This is probably his last chance to win a fairytale championship.

  • 77
    Valtteri Bottas
    Age: 24 | Nationality: Finnish | Starts: 19 Wins: 0 | 2013: 17th
    Had a strong rookie season in an extremely poor car. Massa will be a good benchmark to measure his potential by.


McLaren "The boring silver and black car with a dicknose"
British | HQ: Woking, UK | 2013: 5th, 122pts
Looks an improvement on last year's disaster, but still lacking the final edge. Their innovative rear suspension system could end up being scrutinised if they do too well.
  • 20
    Kevin Magnussen
    Age: 21 | Nationality: Danish | Starts: 0 Wins: 0 | 2013: 1st in Renault 3.5
    Takes Perez's McLaren seat on the back of winning the Renault 3.5 series. The team rate him highly, but will he adapt?

  • 22
    Jenson Button 2009 WDC
    Age: 34 | Nationality: British | Starts: 247 Wins: 15 | 2013: 9th
    The recent death of his father is a sink or swim moment for the 2009 Champion. If he's beaten by his teammate, he may well choose to retire.


Force India "The orange and green team with a big black cock"
"Indian" | HQ: Silverstone, UK | 2013: 6th, 77pts
Likely to be the weakest Mercedes powered team, but they will still be capable of good results at the right tracks.
  • 11
    Sergio "Checo" Pérez Mendoza
    Age: 24 | Nationality: Mexican | Starts: 56 Wins: 0 | 2013: 11th
    Embarassingly dropped by McLaren who weren't convinced he could improve enough for their title ambitions. Now it's up to him to prove them wrong.

  • 27
    Nicolas "Nico" Hülkenberg
    Age: 26 | Nationality: German | Starts: 57 Wins: 0 | 2013: 10th
    Hasn't managed to convert his decent performances in three different midfield teams into a race seat at a front-runner. I feel time is running out.






Ferrari "The Red team not sponsored by Marlboro at all because that would be illegal"
Italian | HQ: Maranello, Italy | 2013: 3rd, 354pts
Strongest of the Ferrari powered teams, as you'd expect. I think they will perform as well or slightly better than McLaren, if they can avoid their two world champion drivers butting heads.
  • 7
    Kimi Räikkönen 2007 WDC
    Age: 34 | Nationality: Finnish | Starts: 193 Wins: 20 | 2013: 5th (1 win)
    The Finn returns to the team who gave him his WDC in 2007. More than capable of wringing out a winning performance in a lacklustre car.

  • 14
    Fernando Alonso 2005, 2006 WDC
    Age: 32 | Nationality: Spanish | Starts: 216 Wins: 32 | 2013: 2nd (2 wins)
    Alonso is always a title contender, and he really wants his third before Vettel gets a fifth. Like Raikkonen, he can really make a poor car perform.


Sauber "The very grey Swiss car"
Swiss | HQ: Hinwil. Switzerland | 2013: 7th, 57pts
Sauber are a perennial midfield team, but their recent forward progress could have been halted this season by their choice of Ferrari power.
  • 21
    Esteban Gutiérrez
    Age: 22 | Nationality: Mexican | Starts: 19 Wins: 0 | 2013: 16th
    Gutierrez stays to keep Mexican money coming in, but Sauber will be questioning if one of their 3 hungry test drivers could do better.

  • 99
    Adrian Sutil
    Age: 31 | Nationality: German | Starts: 109 Wins: 0 | 2013: 13th
    It's unfair to call Sutil a pay driver, but his sponsorship portfolio is more attractive to teams than his early potential these days.


Marussia "The cobbled together from the scrapyard car"
"Russian" | HQ: Banbury, UK | 2013: 10th, 0pts
With enough attrition Marussia might finally score a point, but this is still fairly unlikely. Any finish on performance ahead of a Renault powered team other than Caterham would be like a win.
  • 4
    Maximus Decimus Chilton
    Age: 22 | Nationality: British | Starts: 19 Wins: 0 | 2013: 23rd
    The paydriverest paydriver. Will only get results by being a very slow tortoise with 10 mechanically collapsing hares ahead.

  • 17
    Jules Bianchi
    Age: 24 | Nationality: French | Starts: 19 Wins: 0 | 2013: 19th
    Will want to perform well again in 2014 and get the hell away from the backmarker teams before he becomes the next F1 career casualty.






Red Bull "The fabulous purpley-blue energy drink car"
"Austrian" | HQ: Milton Keynes, UK | 2013: 1st, 596pts
The reigning champions have been blighted by engine and overheating problems, but if they get them sorted the pace should be there to compete.
  • 1
    Sebastian Vettel 2010-2013 WDC
    Age: 26 | Nationality: German | Starts: 120 Wins: 39 | 2013: 1st (13 wins)
    This is the season many have been waiting for. How will wunderkind Vettel react to a season in a sub-par car, after driving a dominant car since the second half of 2009?

  • 3
    Daniel Ricciardo
    Age: 24 | Nationality: Australian | Starts: 50 Wins: 0 | 2013: 14th
    Replaced his mentor Mark Webber at Red Bull, and seems to have inherited his bad luck too. What looked like a WDC contending move must be looking grim now.


Lotus "The 'badly aping a classic F1 team' team"
British | HQ: Enstone, UK | 2013: 4th, 315pts
Lotus have taken some bold design choices, not least of which is their asymmetric twin nose. However these probably won't be enough to overcome their engine defficiency.
  • 8
    Romain Grosjean
    Age: 27 | Nationality: French/Swiss | Starts: 45 Wins: 0 | 2013: 7th
    Grosjean seems to have settled down on his starts and managed to string together some decent results last year in a second tier car. Needs to beat Maldonado.

  • 13
    Pastor Maldonado
    Age: 29 | Nationality: Venezuelan | Starts: 58 Wins: 1 | 2013: 18th
    Fell out with Williams and took what he must've thought was an upgrade. The best he can probably hope for is to beat Grosjean and crash as little as possible.


Toro Rosso "The not a second Red Bull team, honest"
Italian | HQ: Faenza, Italy | 2013: 8th, 33pts
Red Bull's junior team chose to switch to Renault power from Ferrari to mirror their parent team...
  • 25
    Jean-Éric Vergne
    Age: 23 | Nationality: French | Starts: 39 Wins: 0 | 2013: 15th
    Ricciardo got the nod and the promotion to the parent Red Bull team, and it's unlikely there'll be another one soon, so he needs to impress another team.

  • -26-
    Daniil Kvyat
    Age: 19 | Nationality: Russian | Starts: 0 Wins 0 | 2013: 1st in GP3
    Russian rookie, jumps straight up from GP3 because this year there's an inaugural Russian Grand Prix. Just 4 days old when Senna died.


Caterham "The 'what the hell is that green thing' car"
"Malaysian" | HQ: Leafield, UK | 2013: 11th, 0pts
This looks likely to be the Leafield outfit's worst season since they entered in 2010, but their uncomplicated design has made them the most reliable Renault powered team in testing.
  • 9
    Marcus Ericsson
    Age: 23 | Nationality: Swedish | Starts: 0 Wins: 0 | 2013: 6th in GP2
    Last of this season's rookies, and that's where he'll probably finish more often than not, in an underpowered car.

  • 10
    Kamui Kobayashi
    Age: 27 | Nationality: Japanese | Starts: 60 Wins: 0 | 2013: 5th in class at Le Mans, 7th in WEC
    Thread favourite returns to F1 with crowdsourced sponsorship money. Unfortunately he's only managed to buy his way into the worst team, but who knows what could happen with this guy?



Links
Official F1 website - free live timing, info and news

Worst Thread irc channel - #f1 on synirc.net

Previous Threads
2013-14 Off-season
2013 season
2012 season
2011-12 Off-season
2011 Part 1|2011 Breakaway (stop talking about phones!)|2011 Part 2
2010-2011 Off Season
2010 Part 1|2010 Part 2
2009-2010 Off season
2009 News and Views|2009 Part 1|2009 Breakaway Thread|2009 Part 2
2008-2009 Off season
2008 Part 1|2008 Part 2|2008 Part 3
2007-2008 Off season
2007 Part 1|2007 Part 2|2007 Part 3
2006 Part 1|2006 Part 2|2006 Part 3|2006 Part 4|2006 Part 5
2005 Whole Season
2005 Part WTF
2004 Whole Season



http://i.imgur.com/tszzPid.gifv

Tsaedje fucked around with this message at Nov 10, 2014 around 09:34

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

Brainwrong
Mar 20, 2004

RIP Bobby K
Poland's Rose. Like a cabbage in the wind.


Also, I'm back.

MrL_JaKiri
Sep 23, 2003

Ask me about my calm and reasonable opinions on cycling!

I am in no way a zealot about cycling!

Cycling helmets are ABSOLUTE HARAM!


Jenson Button WDC

djssniper
Jan 10, 2003




Brainwrong posted:

Also, I'm back.

Yep, Schumacher - Brainwrong, myth busted

poty
Jun 21, 2008

虹はどこで終わるのですか? あなたの魂の中で、または地平線で?


Nice OP

The Worst Thread begins here

VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV

Dynamite Dog
Dec 12, 2012



I'm pretty sure Bernie's official title is Grand Nagus not Supreme Overlord.

Tsaedje
May 11, 2007

*AUTISM INSTENSIFIES*



Dynamite Dog posted:

I'm pretty sure Bernie's official title is Grand Nagus not Supreme Overlord.

Good spot

The Mash
Feb 17, 2007

You have to say I can open my presents


Humble suggestion that you remove the dashes before and after the driver numbers and maybe just leave out the non-bolded middle names because the current format is bordering on unreadable for my admittedly tired and distracted brain. There's just too much stuff going on!

Tsaedje
May 11, 2007

*AUTISM INSTENSIFIES*



The Mash posted:

Humble suggestion that you remove the dashes before and after the driver numbers and maybe just leave out the non-bolded middle names because the current format is bordering on unreadable for my admittedly tired and distracted brain. There's just too much stuff going on!

Sure thing, I was borderline on both of those things myself.

MrL_JaKiri
Sep 23, 2003

Ask me about my calm and reasonable opinions on cycling!

I am in no way a zealot about cycling!

Cycling helmets are ABSOLUTE HARAM!


poty posted:

Nice OP

The Worst Thread begins here

VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV

The arrows aren't pointing left mate, you may want to fix that

The Mash
Feb 17, 2007

You have to say I can open my presents


Tsaedje posted:

Sure thing, I was borderline on both of those things myself.

Thanks, great OP otherwise even if I'd like to see a gratutious .gif of a Red Bull on fire

Feels Villeneuve
Oct 7, 2007

Kanye West - Touch the Sky


Top title and OP, OP.

Tsaedje
May 11, 2007

*AUTISM INSTENSIFIES*



The Mash posted:

Thanks, great OP otherwise even if I'd like to see a gratutious .gif of a Red Bull on fire

There'll be plenty of those as the season progresses, I'm sure

Stickarts
Dec 21, 2003

literally


My brother has gotten me into F1 the past couple seasons. I will definitely be lurking this thread hard. Thanks for a good OP. Go Raikkonen heck yes heck

NoArmedMan
Apr 1, 2003



Every time you list all the historical threads I'm reminded that I created a monster back in 2004 that I'll never be able to forget. Also, need to get a new avatar today, hmmmm.


I also noticed ill be in Montreal for the Bahrain GP. Any of you guys in Montreal and want to watch the race?

NoArmedMan fucked around with this message at Mar 13, 2014 around 21:23

Brainwrong
Mar 20, 2004

RIP Bobby K
Poland's Rose. Like a cabbage in the wind.


How many cars do you think will finish the first race? I mean literally finish, as in physically cross the line, not just be classified even if they stop two laps before the end

I'm going to say 11.

Feels Villeneuve
Oct 7, 2007

Kanye West - Touch the Sky


I'm licking my lips at all those likable Mercedes-powered drivers.

You Am I
May 20, 2001

I will decide who posts John Howard pictures in this thread and the circumstances in which they post.


Going to the F1 today

poopzilla
Nov 23, 2004



I'll take the over on 11. But not by much, I say 14.

I wonder if anyone will get black-flagged for driving too slow and just limping around hoping for others to go Kablammo.

mehall
Aug 27, 2010

I don't know what to put here.



Brainwrong posted:

How many cars do you think will finish the first race? I mean literally finish, as in physically cross the line, not just be classified even if they stop two laps before the end

I'm going to say 11.

My boss said one of the write in votes that skybet were offering somewhere was "no cars to finish", which sounded awesome to put a pound on, but I can't find it.

Feels Villeneuve
Oct 7, 2007

Kanye West - Touch the Sky


What's the odds on a Magnussen debut win, I'd put $1 on that if I could.

NoArmedMan
Apr 1, 2003



You Am I posted:

Going to the F1 today

Are you heading for qualifying? Theres about 5 of us melbourne goons heading to the race tomorrow. If you (or anyone) wants to catch up and drink beer!

dev null
Sep 3, 2003

ctOS actual


Ground floor of the worst thread.

Can't wait for quali and the race, it feels like a full year waiting.

mehall
Aug 27, 2010

I don't know what to put here.



Fag Boy Jim posted:

What's the odds on a Magnussen debut win, I'd put $1 on that if I could.

16/1 on skybet, which is barely worse than Kimi's odds.

djssniper
Jan 10, 2003




Fag Boy Jim posted:

What's the odds on a Magnussen debut win, I'd put $1 on that if I could.

18/1 Might go for that myself

edit: PaddyPower

RALF
Mar 15, 2009



Grimey Drawer

(somewhat) Bold predictions:
* Red Bull will show decent pace, but will struggle with technical issues and won't challenge wins initially.
* Mercedes will show excellent pace (á la Ferrari in 2004) but the car won't be bulletproof, so it's gonna be a lottery regarding who will win the first couple of races.
* Alonso is gonna start most races from 7th position, and will finish in second place. He's not gonna be WDC this year either.
* McLaren will do something hilarious and stupid, much like every other year.
* Felipe Massa 2014 WDC

Moxie Omen
Mar 15, 2008



http://www.telegraph.co.uk/sport/mo...-character.html

quote:

Lewis Hamilton has bizarrely said in regard to Michael Schumacher's skiing accident that "all things happens for a reason" as the Briton gears up for the new F1 season.

daaaaamn, ice cold

enri
Dec 15, 2003

Hope you're having an amazing day



NoArmedMan posted:

Every time you list all the historical threads I'm reminded that I created a monster back in 2004...

I always get scared at those links, I don't have archives access so I'm spared the horror but I'd hate to see what I was like 10 years ago on the internet. One day I'll bother to buy archives access just to have a nose in those threads, but that day is not today.

It'd be nice to go see all of El Hefe's posts that I didn't read at the time thanks to having him on ignore though.

Feels Villeneuve
Oct 7, 2007

Kanye West - Touch the Sky


I think we were much more at each others throats in those old threads- these days, most of us are at least somewhat united in despising RBR/Vettel.

ImplicitAssembler
Jan 24, 2013




He's quite religious, so I suspect it has to do with that. (AKA:"God Wills It!!")

enri
Dec 15, 2003

Hope you're having an amazing day



Fag Boy Jim posted:

I think we were much more at each others throats in those old threads- these days, most of us are at least somewhat united in despising RBR/Vettel.

A symptom of old age, we've all calmed down a bit and stopped being fueled by so much testosterone

Shit Farm
Jan 10, 2013


Rubens to dramatically come out of retirement to replace Vettel at Red Bull and finally get that WDC.

Doc M
Jan 6, 2011

I enjoy metal because of its dark, creepy, intense aesthetic.



No "Sex" thread tag? Come on, that tag even has the Toro Rosso's nose on it.

Tsaedje
May 11, 2007

*AUTISM INSTENSIFIES*



OH NO MAN posted:

No "Sex" thread tag? Come on, that tag even has the Toro Rosso's nose on it.

SAS mods have been quite strict about using correct tags in here in the past so I thought it best to go with RACING

Moxie Omen
Mar 15, 2008



Has anyone gotten Damon Hill's input on Schumacher's coma????

NtotheTC
Dec 31, 2007

Ignore my post and just imagine the sound of me gargling Lewis Hamilton's dick, for I am the Andrew Benson of the Worst Thread.



A nice sentiment when taken in context but holy poo poo what a retarded way to phrase it.

Sashimi
Dec 26, 2008


College Slice

Is this really the extent to which God is willing to go to prevent another horrible comeback attempt?

NtotheTC
Dec 31, 2007

Ignore my post and just imagine the sound of me gargling Lewis Hamilton's dick, for I am the Andrew Benson of the Worst Thread.


Sashimi posted:

Is this really the extent to which God is willing to go to prevent another horrible comeback attempt?

There is no god. If I'm wrong then may Vettel get struck by lightning and vaporized on the warmup lap on Sunday.

Check and mate.

One Swell Foop
Aug 5, 2010

I'm afraid we have no time for codes and manners.

Oh hey, I found a complete list of which NBC channel will be showing which Grand Prix for the whole season, although it looks like Qualifying is still TBD.

http://motorsportstalk.nbcsports.co...times-schedule/

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

Gozinbulx
Feb 19, 2004


Let's do this poo poo.

Whoever said the F1 ios app had a horrible ui wasn't kidding.

  • Locked thread
«540 »