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Neruz
Jul 23, 2012

A paragon of manliness


Hoo boy. Total Annihilation: Kingdoms, if ever there was a game with wasted potential this is it. So what is Kingdoms exactly? Well cast your mind back to the murky past of the late 90's; Cavedog are on the way out due to just not making enough money with their flagship Total Annihilation title. Exactly how or why Kingdoms was concieved I have no idea but as Cavedog floundered they gave the Total Annihilation engine to a new team and set them to work; in a post-Starcraft world the Kingdoms team decided that unlike its predecessor Kingdoms would require a proper story with actual characters and thus the world of Darien was born.

Darien is an odd setting as we will see, many of the fantasy staples (Dragons) are present but at the same time many others are missing or appearing in very odd forms but we'll get to that as we play. A fun thing to note about the Mage Emperor of Darien Garacius who basically united the known world is that he also invented boats; I don't think this is mentioned anywhere outside of the manual's backstory which I will try and track down and locate a copy perhaps to read to you guys during one of the longer missions.

So I've heard something about this game being kind of long?
Well now, Kingdoms is a great game but it is deeply, deeply flawed and pacing is probably the greatest of its flaws. Kingdoms is a slow, sloow game and I fully expect that the last missions in the campaigns will require over an hour and a half for me to complete even if I know what I'm doing (which I almost certainly do not) so prepare yourselves for that. Fortunately Kingdoms opens with a series of fairly short missions before opening up with the big guns.

This sounds interesting, tell me more
Well aren't you a crazy son of a bitch; I'll let Wikipedia explain because :effort:

Wikipedia posted:

Total Annihilation: Kingdoms or TA:K is a medieval fantasy real time strategy game created and released by Cavedog Entertainment on June 25, 1999. While it was the last major title from Cavedog Entertainment, an expansion pack, The Iron Plague, was released in 2000.

Total Annihilation: Kingdoms is the anticipated second installment of the Total Annihilation franchise. Although the game is neither a prequel nor a sequel to the original Total Annihilation game, comparisons between the two games are inevitable. There are numerous thematic and design differences between Total Annihilation and Total Annihilation: Kingdoms.

- A more in-depth storyline, told with cutscenes between missions just as Total Annihilation had, but with more detail.
- A change from a futuristic setting to a fantasy setting.
- Simplified resource-management, with just one resource (mana) instead of two (metal, energy).
- Four sides at the start, as opposed to the original's two, with an expansion pack that added in a fifth.
- While the original Total Annihilation has players playing through the Core or Arm campaigns separately, Total Annihilation: Kingdoms switches between the four groups, players playing each side, as the levels progressed.
- Unlike the original Total Annihilation which has most of the units on its two factions virtually the same, other than in appearance, Total Annihilation: Kingdoms has very distinct characteristics between factions.


Holy crap there are cinematics and poo poo
Yes there are! Unlike my previous LP this LP is full of professionalism and I am even doing the magic of video editing so that you get to watch the incredible briefing videos that Cavedog went to all that effort to make.

So how does this game work?
Despite all the many changes to the engine that definitely did not make the game almost unplayable on modern hardware Kingdoms is still Total Annihilation; you still manage resource flows rather than discrete resource units and you still build giant masses of dudes and slam them into other giant masses of dudes. However, that said there are a few changes and the most ovbious of these is the complete lack of a sensible UI; Kingdoms subscribes to the theory that the less information the player has the better for them and I will be pointing out ovbious instances of UI silliness as we come across them. Another change is the reduction to only a single resource type; mana which is collected like metal from specific locations by building a structure on them, apparently two resources was just too complicated for people to handle.

Also unlike its predecessor the campaign of Kingdoms tries to tell a linear story, so rather than having seperate campaigns for each side you instead have one campaign where you just switch between which side you are controlling as appropriate. This results in some amusement especially in relation to building restrictions.

It sounds like this game is kind of bad
It kind of is, but despite all its flaws I love Kingdoms anyway; it passes the most important test for a game in that it is fun to play even if it does take forever to actually do anything. I spent hundreds of hours as a kid playing Kingdoms and I never actually completed the campaign without cheating so this LP will be an interesting journey for me in that respect.

Sit down and get ready for a riveting ride through the high fantasy land of Darien which I totally promise is definitely not generic and bland in any way.
Disclaimer: I am a known liar.


Let's Play Total Annihilation: Kingdoms Episode 1 - Youtubular
Let's Play Total Annihilation: Kingdoms Episode 2 - Youtubular
Let's Play Total Annihilation: Kingdoms Episode 3 - Youtubular
Let's Play Total Annihilation: Kingdoms Episode 4 - Youtubular
Let's Play Total Annihilation: Kingdoms Episode 5 - Youtubular
Let's Play Total Annihilation: Kingdoms Episode 6 - Youtubular
Let's Play Total Annihilation: Kingdoms Episode 7 - Youtubular
Let's Play Total Annihilation: Kingdoms Episode 8 - Youtubular
Let's Play Total Annihilation: Kingdoms Episode 9 - Youtubular
Let's Play Total Annihilation: Kingdoms Episode 10 - Youtubular
Let's Play Total Annihilation: Kingdoms Episode 11 - Youtubular
Let's Play Total Annihilation: Kingdoms Episode 12 - Youtubular
Let's Play Total Annihilation: Kingdoms Episode 13 - Youtubular
Let's Play Total Annihilation: Kingdoms Episode 14 - Youtubular
Let's Play Total Annihilation: Kingdoms Episode 15 - Youtubular
Let's Play Total Annihilation: Kingdoms Episode 16 - Youtubular
Let's Play Total Annihilation: Kingdoms Episode 17 - Youtubular
Let's Play Total Annihilation: Kingdoms Episode 18 - Youtubular
Let's Play Total Annihilation: Kingdoms Episode 19 - Youtubular
Let's Play Total Annihilation: Kingdoms Episode 20 - Youtubular
Let's Play Total Annihilation: Kingdoms Episode 21 - Youtubular
Let's Play Total Annihilation: Kingdoms Episode 22 - Youtubular
Let's Play Total Annihilation: Kingdoms Episode 23 - Youtubular
Let's Play Total Annihilation: Kingdoms Episode 24 - Youtubular
Let's Play Total Annihilation: Kingdoms Episode 24 Intermission - Youtubular
Let's Play Total Annihilation: Kingdoms Episode 25 - Youtubular
Let's Play Total Annihilation: Kingdoms Episode 26 - Youtubular
Let's Play Total Annihilation: Kingdoms Episode 27 - Youtubular
Let's Play Total Annihilation: Kingdoms Episode 28 - Youtubular
Let's Play Total Annihilation: Kingdoms Episodes 29 - 30 - Youtubular
Let's Play Total Annihilation: Kingdoms Episode 31 - Youtubular
Let's Play Total Annihilation: Kingdoms Episode 32 - Youtubular
Let's Play Total Annihilation: Kingdoms Episode 33 - Youtubular
Let's Play Total Annihilation: Kingdoms Episode 34 - Youtubular
Let's Play Total Annihilation: Kingdoms Episode 35 - Youtubular
Let's Play Total Annihilation: Kingdoms Episode 36 - Youtubular
Let's Play Total Annihilation: Kingdoms Episode 37 - Youtubular
Let's Play Total Annihilation: Kingdoms Episode 38 - Youtubular
Let's Play Total Annihilation: Kingdoms Episode 39 - Youtubular
Let's Play Total Annihilation: Kingdoms Episode 40 - Youtubular
Let's Play Total Annihilation: Kingdoms Episode 41 - Youtubular
Let's Play Total Annihilation: Kingdoms Episode 42 - Youtubular
Let's Play Total Annihilation: Kingdoms Episode 43 - Youtubular
Let's Play Total Annihilation: Kingdoms Episode 44 - Youtubular
Let's Play Total Annihilation: Kingdoms Episode 45 - Youtubular
Let's Play Total Annihilation: Kingdoms Episode 46 - Youtubular
Let's Play Total Annihilation: Kingdoms Episode 47 - Youtubular


Let's Play Total Annihilation: Kingdoms - The Iron Plague Episode 1 - Youtubular
Let's Play Total Annihilation: Kingdoms - The Iron Plague Episode 2 - Youtubular
Let's Play Total Annihilation: Kingdoms - The Iron Plague Episode 3 - Youtubular
Let's Play Total Annihilation: Kingdoms - The Iron Plague Episode 4 - Youtubular
Let's Play Total Annihilation: Kingdoms - The Iron Plague Episode 5 - Youtubular
Let's Play Total Annihilation: Kingdoms - The Iron Plague Episode 6 - Youtubular
Let's Play Total Annihilation: Kingdoms - The Iron Plague Episode 7 - Youtubular
Let's Play Total Annihilation: Kingdoms - The Iron Plague Episode 8 - Youtubular
Let's Play Total Annihilation: Kingdoms - The Iron Plague Episode 9 - Youtubular
Let's Play Total Annihilation: Kingdoms - The Iron Plague Episode 10 - Youtubular
Let's Play Total Annihilation: Kingdoms - The Iron Plague Episode 11 - Youtubular
Let's Play Total Annihilation: Kingdoms - The Iron Plague Episode 12 - Youtubular
Let's Play Total Annihilation: Kingdoms - The Iron Plague Episode 13 - Youtubular
Let's Play Total Annihilation: Kingdoms - The Iron Plague Episode 14 - Youtubular
Let's Play Total Annihilation: Kingdoms - The Iron Plague Episode 15 - Youtubular
Let's Play Total Annihilation: Kingdoms - The Iron Plague Episode 16 - Youtubular
Let's Play Total Annihilation: Kingdoms - The Iron Plague Episode 17 - Youtubular
Let's Play Total Annihilation: Kingdoms - The Iron Plague Episode 18 - Youtubular
Let's Play Total Annihilation: Kingdoms - The Iron Plague Episode 19 - Youtubular
Let's Play Total Annihilation: Kingdoms - The Iron Plague Episode 20 - Youtubular
Let's Play Total Annihilation: Kingdoms - The Iron Plague Episode 21 - Youtubular
Let's Play Total Annihilation: Kingdoms - The Iron Plague Episode 22 - Youtubular
Let's Play Total Annihilation: Kingdoms - The Iron Plague Episode 23 - Youtubular
Let's Play Total Annihilation: Kingdoms - The Iron Plague Episode 24 - Youtubular
Let's Play Total Annihilation: Kingdoms - The Iron Plague Episode 25 - Youtubular

Neruz fucked around with this message at 02:46 on May 16, 2015

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Neruz
Jul 23, 2012

A paragon of manliness
:frogsiren: !!! LOREPOST WARNING !!! :frogsiren:

THE CHRONICLES OF DARIEN
MANY THOUSANDS OF YEARS AGO, THE WORLD OF DARIEN WAS UNITED INTO ONE: THE KINGDOM OF KANDRA.

The Kandrans were a race as old as Darien itself, and their strict but benevolent rule stretched to the most faraway corner of their dominion. This rule was exceptional in one respect — it was not upheld by a vast bureaucracy, an omnipresent spy network or garrisons of soldiers in every little town and village. The Kingdom of Kandra drew its power from the Kandrans’ mastery of Mana, the currency of magic.

THE MAGICAL POWERS OF THE KANDRANS
The Kandrans were masters of magic — even an average Kandran was capable of such simple, useful feats as turning water into beer or dissolving an ugly body wart. It is believed that the Five Wizards of Kandra held enough power to destroy the entire universe. At least part of this power was believed to come from a secret artifact known as the Heart of Thesh. It was rumored that the Heart of Thesh gave its possessor the ability to summon a devastating force, a force against which there was no defense.
Fortunately, the Five Wizards of Kandra were as wise as they were powerful. While they instantly knew of any trans-gression of their code — called the Laws of Life — and doled out appropriate punishments, the Wizards never abused their position. They knew that any bending of the natural rules inherent in the manipulation of Mana would have disastrous consequences. And so, any personal joy derived from their immense powers was tempered by the weight of equally immense responsibilities. Kandran Wizards practiced their magical arts at special, sacred sites that enhanced the power of the magic. These sites, marked by a circle of standing stones, probably contained extraordinary concentrations of Mana. It is an established fact that these sites retain special magical properties even today. When Mana was used on a truly massive scale, a rare mineral would sometimes result. This was known as mogrite — a substance that gives mere humans immense magical powers, as well as immortality.

THE FIVE LEGACIES
The Kandrans were quick to recognize the value of mogrite. All of the five mogrite stones ever found were incorporated into items known thereafter as the Five Legacies: a pendant, a bracelet, a scepter, a ring, and a throne. Four of the Legacies symbolized the four elements — Earth, Water, Wind and Fire — while the fifth stood for the amalgamation of the four elements into one entity: the world. Thus, the pendant containing the mogrite stone known as the Stone of Darien symbolized Earth, and the bracelet with the stone known as the Soul of Kandra symbolized Wind. The scepter topped with the stone known as Angvir’s Flame symbolized Fire, while the ring with the small but incredibly pure Macha’s Tear symbolized Water.
The biggest mogrite jewel, symbolizing the world as a whole, was known as Modron’s Eye. It was mounted on the top of the Throne of Ludd, an imposing throne sculpted from blackstone, a Darien rock as hard as steel. The Five Legacies were put in the custody of the Five Wizards of Kandra. Each Wizard was responsible for a particular Legacy for a single year. At the end of every year, the Wizards exchanged the Legacies among themselves. This was meant to underline the fact that the Wizards were not owners, but merely custodians, of the Five Legacies.

THE DECLINE OF KANDRAN CIVILIZATION
The Kandrans thought that putting the mogrite Legacies under the Wizards’ care would ensure continued peace and security. Alas, they were wrong. As time went on, the Wizards realized that possessing a mogrite stone meant much more than greatly increased magical powers. Mogrite also gave its possessor such benefits as immunity to sickness, almost instant healing of wounds and injuries and incredible longevity. It also turned out that the mogrite stones incorporated into the Five Legacies were of unequal power. Modron’s Eye stood out, in particular, for it gave its owner — or custodian — practical immortality. The uniting principle behind the Five Wizards was their equality as regards one another. Now, the custo-dian of the throne with Modron’s Eye was more fortunate than the others. What’s more, the Wizards’ new, long lifespan wasn’t that pleasing to all the Kandrans. The resentment arose very slowly; the Kandrans were a people who enjoyed long lives in general — the average Kandran could hope to live well in excess of a hundred years. But after two generations of Kandrans had gone by, and the same set of Wizards contin-ued to govern the kingdom, eyebrows were being raised and questions asked. They were asked most loudly by the five acolytes chosen to succeed the reigning Wizards. It took thirty-six years to train a talented Kandran for the Wizards’ post; the training was very strict, conducted in conditions similar to solitary confinement. One set of acolytes had already died without ever putting their hard-gained knowledge into practice. And so, the candidates-in-waiting whispered and grumbled, sometimes publicly, which was a scandal without precedent in Kandran history.

THE FALL OF KANDRA
In happier times, the Five Wizards would have instantly been aware of the discontent. They would have righted the wrongs, punished the wrongdoers — if any — and things would have returned to normal. But the Wizards were increasingly involved in a power struggle. By that time, they all had their favorite Legacies, and of course the most coveted prize of all was the throne with Modron’s Eye. The final calamity struck without warning. There are no records, no evidence of what exactly led to the catastrophic collapse of the Kingdom of Kandra. Was it a Wizard making a vicious bid for ultimate power? Was it a bitter acolyte, a frustrated Wizard-in-waiting, putting his hard-gained knowledge to devious ends?
No one will ever know.

THE DAY OF THE GREAT CALAMITY
What we do know is that exactly 427 years — to the day — after the Wizards took custody of the Legacies, Darien was struck by the ultimate disaster. All natural laws suddenly ceased to work. Farm animals swelled and burst as their bodily fluids instantly transformed to gas. People died horrible deaths, bones snapping as their bodies twisted into impossible shapes, eyes popping clear of their contorted faces as their heads swelled and cracked open likeoverripe grapefruits. In the Kandran capital, the enormous belusa trees lining all the main streets shriveled and split lengthwise, spilling smoking sap. Seas and lakes hissed and steamed, rivers became rocky canyons, and mountains roared and crumbled into stony plains. Finally, the land itself groaned horribly, and a devastating earthquake swept Darien far and wide. It was all over in a couple of heartbeats. A terrible silence fell over the tortured land of Darien, and then a bloody rain came down and fell for three nights and days.

THE HEALING OF DARIEN
Incredibly, handfuls of life survived — among them, a few dazed witnesses of the cataclysm that had just passed. They did not know why they had been spared and didn’t dare to speculate. For immediately following the catastrophe, Darien was blessed by a period of incredibly clement weather that lasted the better part of a century. New water springs burst open across the land, deserts slowly filled with seas of swaying grass and birds began to twitter yet again, perched on the branches of young saplings.
It was as if Nature had decided to nurse the world back to health; slowly, the scattered survivors of the disaster grew into clans and tribes. But however far away and out of touch they were, all those freshly born pockets of civilized life shared one belief, one attitude: an absolute abhorrence of the magical arts. Merely speaking about the existence of the Kandran plaything that had laid low the land meant severe punishment. The enormous store of magical knowledge accumulated by the Kandrans was lost. And as hamlets grew into villages, and villages into towns, there developed a new faith: a belief in the essential rightness of things as they were. If something was a certain way, that was the way it was meant to be.

THE NEW DARIEN
The healing of Darien took thousands of years. The newly emerged tribes had adopted a new calendar, starting with the day of the Great Calamity as Day One. And so we know today that agriculture became possible again in Darien towards the close of the First Millennium; that the Second Millennium ushered in the appearance of numerous new species of flora and fauna; and that by the end of the Third Millennium, most of Darien’s scars had overgrown with lush fields and forests. By the middle of the Fourth Millennium, nearly all of the tribes inhabiting Darien had reestablished contact with one another. This spurred progress, and many
areas of knowledge grew by leaps and bounds, not least because finally the various surviving crumbs of Kandran knowledge became available to all. However, one area of Kandran knowledge was left untouched. Of course it had to be the most important matter of them all: Kandran magic. To the creators of Darien’s new civilization, magic was a Pandora’s box of misfortune that would devour anyone who dared open it. By that time, laws prohibiting magic-related activities weren’t necessary. To most of Darien’s new people, admitting so much as an interest in the magical arts was the social equivalent of confessing to a fancy for gruesome murder.
This was how things were.

Until Garacaius.

THE BABY IN THE WOODS
It was a special day — the last day of the Fourth Millennium. Pesco the fisherman was busy poling his boat along the thickly wooded shore. It wasn’t easy — a mist had settled on the water, and Pesco had to watch out for floating, dead wood, a task made even more difficult by the occasional screen of reeds. He was in a great hurry though, because the evening was to be full of festivities to mark the coming of the New Millennium, and this hurry was his undoing. The flat-bottomed boat suddenly reared up like a startled horse as it struck a half-submerged trunk, and Pesco got very wet.
The water wasn’t deep. Pesco stood submerged to his waist, spitting out curses and wringing out his cap. When it was dry enough to put back on his bald head, he did so, and took stock of the situation. It quickly dawned on him that all the fish he’d caught earlier were enjoying newfound freedom — he’d humanely but unwisely left them alive. He was about to start cursing again when he heard the baby cry. He listened, staring wide-eyed into the mist; the cry came again. He waded through the water, then hesitated, standing knee-deep before a twisted tree bending from the shore; he had never seen a tree like that before. The third cry came.
Pesco was suddenly seized with a grim foreboding of something about to happen. Dark-eyed with fright, he didn’t even notice the drops of water that ran out from under his cap and down his face. The clammy air was still. Then Pesco’s arm shot out as if of its own accord and grabbed an overhanging branch. Moments later, he was treading carefully through the moss and tangled grass — he was barefoot, and the ground was covered with sharp, dry twigs. He found the baby almost right away — he practically stepped on it after he pushed past through a pair of prickly bushes. The baby lay on a patch of open ground, naked as nature had made it, with nothing but a tiny leather pouch tied by thongs to the baby’s foot.
Pesco’s thick, scarred fingers untied the thongs with amazing deftness. He pulled the pouch open, peered inside and reacted as if he had just looked death in the face. He jerked his head back and flung the pouch into the forest as far as he could. Those pale, softly glowing grains — they had to be something magical! The infant had a pouch of some unnatural substance attached to its foot! Pesco’s breath came in ragged gasps as he scrabbled around, looking for a suitably large branch or rock. He found his weapon and stood over the baby, trying to summon the determination he needed.
The baby! He could see it was a little boy. He already had nine children of his own. Even if he’d found this one untainted by evil… he just couldn’t afford another mouth to feed. But he could find someone else to take care of it, couldn’t he? But there wasn’t any sense thinking about it. The pouch… Pesco grasped his club firmly. He raised it and held it high for a moment.
But…the baby! The baby, the baby, the baby!
With a shriek of dismay, Pesco threw the makeshift club after the pouch, hearing it crash and tear through the shrub-bery. He cursed as he picked the baby up, cursed as he carried it back to the boat, and cursed most of the long way home.
Pesco had always cursed a lot, and that was why he fished alone.

THE HUMBLE FISHERMAN
It is recorded that on the fifth day of the sixth month of the sixteenth year in the Fifth Millennium, a youth named Garacaius passed the final examinations at the Ugarit Academy and left this famous school under a cloud. Before graduation, each student was required to submit an essay on an extracurricular subject. The subject didn’t really matter — what mattered was the student’s ability to argue a point in a logical and convincing manner. Prize-winning essays included “The Joyful Fly: An Examination of the Relationship Between Selected Household Insects and Wildberry Jam,” and the sensational “Stories My Mute Father Never Told Me: Adventures in Carpentry.” Young Garacaius, however, had dared to write a treatise on…Mana, and the role of magic in the natural world!
To many, this confirmed Garacaius as a suspicious character. To start with, it was well known that he attended the Academy through the help and protection of the Leimar clan, which practically ruled Ugarit. Yet he had repeatedly stated that he was not a member of the clan, most recently when tensions between the Leimar and the Balistan clans briefly flamed into armed hostilities. When asked about his birthplace, Garacaius claimed to come from a fishing village south of Ugarit. But a couple of students passing through that very village quickly found that none of its inhabitants had ever heard of Garacaius. In short, he was already somewhat suspect by the time he submitted his scandalous paper. All over Ugarit, doors leading to prospective employers firmly slammed shut.
Garacaius did not ask for anyone’s help. He left Ugarit and made his way to the fishing village he thought he’d come from. His Leimar “relatives” had told him about the poor fisherman who couldn’t afford the upkeep of a child. He found Pesco, by then bent with age, though still cursing as fluently as ever. To his chagrin, the old fisherman refused to answer any questions about Garacaius’ origins. Garacaius had nowhere to go, so he stayed. He went out fishing with old Pesco — the first person ever to do that — and the old man was quietly grateful for a companion who did not object to his rude manner and helped with tasks he found increasingly difficult. What was more, before long the young man showed a flash of talent that amazed the fisher-man.

THE BOAT THAT CHANGED DARIEN
The boat Pesco used had a flat bottom, like all Darien craft. Its shallow draft meant it could easily skim the waters on calm days and penetrate any encountered river with ease. However, the slightest storm could be extremely dangerous. After a lot of nagging, Pesco agreed to help Garacaius build a new boat with a revolutionary design featuring a deeper draft. Almost half of the hull was to be underwater! Pesco argued a boat like that would be difficult to steer, slow to gather speed and slow to stop, and that the submerged hull would never be watertight. But his arguments were in vain — Garacaius was as stubborn as a mule, and in the end the old man gave up.
By the beginning of the next fishing season, the boat was ready. To everyone’s amazement, it was almost as easy to maneuver as the traditional flat-bottomed craft. What’s more, its superior stability allowed the use of a sail in relatively strong wind. Before long, Garacaius and Pesco were making long voyages to hitherto inaccessible fishing grounds. It was during one of these longer trips that Pesco finally told Garacaius how he had found him, as a baby abandoned in the forest. It isn’t clear whether he mentioned the magical pouch. What is known is that Pesco and Garacaius began returning from their trips with immense hauls; in one voyage, they would net more fish than all the remaining fishermen in the village.
For the first time in his long, hard life, Pesco had enough money to spend every weekend in the village inn, drinking as if there were no tomorrow and pinching any shapely female bottom within reach. One weekend, staggering back home after a night of libations, poor old Pesco fell into a roadside ditch half full of water from a recent rain. Mean tongues said he was asleep before he hit the water.
But there were also whispers that Pesco said Garacaius had used unnatural talents to secure a rich catch on every fishing trip, and that there was an ugly argument, a fight. The fact is, Pesco the old fisherman was dead drunk, and drowned in ankle-deep water. Suddenly, Garacaius found himself resented. Pesco’s family held him partly responsible, although just a month earlier they couldn’t praise him enough for his role in turning around Pesco’s fishing fortunes.
A week after Pesco’s death, Garacaius loaded his few belongings onto his boat and sailed west out of the village harbor and into the open sea. The fishermen mending nets
at the end of the pier glanced up from their work from time to time and looked at the solitary sail. It grew progressively smaller, lingered as a white spot on a sea lit golden by the setting sun, then disappeared.

THE GOOD FORTUNE OF THE MERCHANTS OF IRGIRON
Irgiron, an island located right in the center of Darien, had always been an important trading center. At the dawn of the Fifth Millennium, Irgiron was home to a dozen trading houses that kept a firm grip on most of Darien’s intercontinental trade. The merchants of Irgiron weren’t as well off as they could have been, because the flat-bottomed trading vessels in use at that time were notoriously unseaworthy. As a result, the merchants lost as many goods to the sea as they managed to trade. Therefore, the appearance of a young man who claimed to have invented a truly seaworthy boat excited a lot of interest.
Within a short time, Garacaius had all the support he needed to begin building an ocean-going ship. He retained the oarsmen — Darien craft were traditionally powered by seamen’s arms rather than wind — but added a large square sail. As he explained to the merchants, the stability provided by the ship’s deep draft allowed the use of a sail in almost any weather. Furthermore, the deep hull offered the possibility of large cargo holds — Garacaius claimed his vessel would be able to carry as much merchandise as half a dozen of the traditional craft, and carry it in safety.
He was right. Within a few years, Irgiron’s population doubled. New manufacturers popped up almost weekly, and the Irgiron merchants grew fat and happy.

THE RISE OF GARACAIUS
As for Garacaius, he had established trading posts of his own in all the principal ports of Darien and became one of its richest citizens. He established his center of operations in Estoril, Irgiron’s largest town. He built a magnificent house for himself, containing what was said to be the biggest library in Darien. But Garacaius did not seem to enjoy the fruits of his efforts — more and more he left business affairs in the hands of trusted associates and disappeared for months on private expeditions. He explored all of Darien’s seas and was rumored to have set foot on some of the unexplored, strange lands beyond Darien. He made long voyages inland — on one of those, he reached the lost city of Waleph; its inhabitants had been cut off from the rest of Darien for five thousand years.

THE STRANGE VOYAGES OF GARACAIUS
The men who accompanied Garacaius on these voyages were very close-mouthed. On occasion, especially when they had just returned from another journey and the relief had loosened their tongues, they described many extraordinary things. They spoke of ghost cities, and stone houses along paved avenues populated by no one but birds and wild animals. They described strange creatures, some half animal and half human, and others that clung to life although their eyes had rotted out of their sockets and most of their flesh had decayed and fallen away. The men spoke also of strange places — circles of immense stone slabs where the very ground glowed with a soft, moist light.
But the very next day, when asked to explain or to elaborate, the men that had sailed with Garacaius would shake their aching heads and mutter denials. However, one thing they were all happy to say, whenever asked, was that Garacaius was an exceptional man and that they trusted him with their bodies and their souls. This strange mention of the spiritual sent shivers down the backs of most inquirers, and discouraged further questions.
The longest of Garacaius’ expeditions, which took him to the heart of Zhon, lasted nearly two years. When he returned, his retinue was increased by a new companion: a beautiful woman, as dark-haired and dark-complexioned as Garacaius was fair. Normally this would have excited much comment, and Lasha, the dark-haired beauty, would have been the object of many inquisitive stares. But times had changed during Garacaius’ latest absence. Things weren’t normal.
The whole of Darien had been swept by the flame of war.

THE GREAT CIVIL WAR OF DARIEN
It all started in the land of Taros, the land Garacaius had left so many years earlier to seek his fortunes at sea. The clans of Leimar and Balistan had one of their periodical skirmishes, only this time the House of Ontinor felt obliged to put in its two coppers’ worth. The Ontinor was linked to the House of Aidenfel in the land of Aramon, and in the scuffle Aramon’s House of Buriash took the opportunity to seize some disputed land. And so it went. Within the year, every single clan and noble house of Darien was engaged in hostilities of some sort against one or more enemies. The web of communication Garacaius had woven with his ships spread the disease of war to every shore.
Garacaius tried to remain uninvolved, but it was hardly possible. Within a month of his return, his trading post on the island of Caora was raided by sea brigands, and the islanders were put to the sword. Garacaius led a small army of volunteers out to punish them, and before he knew it he was involved in half a dozen squabbles with various armed factions.
The Great Civil War of Darien lasted eight years. For the first five, it wasn’t so much a full-fledged war as a series of ongoing skirmishes — short intervals of peace were interrupted by bloody flare-ups that lost their fire after a couple of furious battles.

THE BIRTH OF VERUNA
However, by the fifth year of the war, things changed. The numerous independent factions, most of them grouped around the noble houses, clans and tribes of Darien, finally merged into four distinct sides. Three of these contestants wanted to pursue the conflict to its bitter end. The fourth — a federation of island city-states sought immediate peace and the settling of differences through negotiation. This pacifistic attitude was not surprising, for the island cities were constantly fighting hostile forces, having found themselves caught in the middle of the global battlefield.
It was no surprise that the city representatives elected Garacaius the leader of the island federation. After all, the islands had been his base of operations for many years, and he was widely respected. What was significant was that the federation adopted the name of Veruna, an ancient Kandran word signifying deep regard for the truth.

THE TRIUMPHS OF GARACAIUS
It soon became apparent that the Kandran link went beyond the name. Veruna’s forces, led by Garacaius, repulsed all attackers with astonishing ease. In the sixth year of the war, one of the noble houses of Aramon, the Dernhest, suddenly declared itself an ally of Veruna, and by the end of the year the entire continent of Veruna was in Garacaius’ hands. In the seventh year of the war, Garacaius took the southern land of Zhon. But there were also growing rumors that the leader of the forces of Truth had used magic to subdue his opponents.
In the eighth year of the war, Garacaius invaded Taros. His army came ashore not a mile from the fishing village that had been his home. But the village was lifeless — its inhabitants had fled, expecting to be massacred. That evening, the great leader was thoughtful and sad as he stood at the edge of his army’s camp, watching the sun set over the lifeless houses.

THE REAPPEARANCE OF MAGIC
It was an appropriate portent for what was to follow. The Tarosian campaign turned out to be the most savage of the entire war. The noble houses of Taros ceased all infighting and presented a united front to the invading army. Hopelessly outnumbered, the Taros nobles turned in desperation to that old, secret weapon of the Kandrans: magic. Taros had always had an unfair share of Darien’s magic potential. There is a theory that attributes this to the active volcanoes in the Kaf range, which forms the continent’s rocky spine. The cells of the Judicial Palace in Elam had always contained at least one unfortunate soul put away for showing an unhealthy interest in the magical arts. Now, with the armies of Garacaius quickly advancing inland, these wretched aspiring magicians were hurriedly pulled out of the dungeons and ordered to save the forces of Taros from a certain defeat. As luck would have it, with their very first effort, the newly appointed Wizards managed to blind a cavalry detachment scouting the approach route to Taros’ capital, Elam. Historians agree that Garacaius was beside himself with fury upon hearing the news. He immediately ordered a forced march on Elam, and demanded an instant, unconditional surrender from the city’s defenders. When it was apparent that a surrender was not coming, Garacaius retreated to his tent and emerged wearing a ring no one had seen before. Stepping out in front of the line of his troops, he raised his arms and cried out words in a strange language,
then quickly knelt down and bowed his head. To a man, his entire army, fifty thousand strong,did the same.
Witnesses said a strange, dark mist then descended on Elam, silencing the jeers and insults of the soldiers lining the fortified walls. A long and terrifying silence fell, and at long last the mist began to dissolve. A moment later, Garacaius rose from his knees and led his army into a deserted city.
The entire population had vanished into thin air; it was a very quiet occupying army that marched in. Each throat was gripped by realization that Garacaius was a Mage, a Mage whose powers equaled those of the infamous Wizards of Kandra.

THE NEW MAGE EMPEROR OF DARIEN
After this final victory, there was no question as to who should rule the newly united world of Darien. There was only one possible candidate: Garacaius. He moved swiftly, establishing the new Darien capital in the city that had been his home for some time: Estoril, on the island of Irgiron. He was probably at least partly motivated by sentiment for Irgiron, for that was where he had made his fortune. More coldheartedly, the central location of the island conferred various strategic advantages. Garacaius’ already magnificent house was rebuilt and expanded into a true palace.
On the day he assumed power, Garacaius made a famous speech to the Darien nobles assembled in the new parliament. He revealed that he had been actively pursuing magical knowledge for many years, and that in the course of his expeditions he had recovered all Five Legacies, the heirloom of the Kandrans. In a famous speech known later as the Oath to Darien, Garacaius swore never to abuse the magical knowledge he had acquired, and to use it only in the direst necessity and in accordance with the wishes of his people. Moreover, Garacaius swore never to use magic for personal advantage, no matter the circumstances.

THE REIGN OF GARACAIUS
In the years that followed, Garacaius kept his oath. His new empire suffered many growing pains. Civil war flared occasionally, as participants of the Great Civil War settled
scores now long overdue. Never, not in a single instance, did Garacaius reach for the awesome weapon at his disposal. All conflicts ran their course, all disputes were settled by very earthly means. There were even those who grumbled that a timely spell was preferable to having one’s insides pierced by cold steel.
The first years of the rule of Garacaius were also marked by a personal note. The First Mage Emperor (a title he was said to detest, but which had been conferred upon him by a fearful, but grateful populace) became officially betrothed to the dark-haired Lasha, whom he had met on his last expedition in the land of Zhon. Four children resulted from this union, and their appearance was held to be a miracle of harmony. There were two boys and two girls, and one of each was fair; the others, dark.
By the time his children were of age, Garacaius had quelled all remaining unrest; Darien was in a state of total peace. He began devoting more and more time to his children, and it seemed to suit him. Garacaius had always been a somewhat restless man, with a face that reflected the tensions running through his soul. Now he appeared relaxed, at ease… almost happy.

THE TRAGIC DEATH OF EMPRESS LASHA
Tragedy struck as it always does: out of the blue. One day, Garacaius took his family sailing in the first boat he had ever built, the vessel that revolutionized ship design in Darien. It seemed safe enough; he didn’t intend to venture beyond the Estoril harbor. The weather seemed perfect — sunny and windless. But at sea, weather can change in the blink of an eye, and, after all, Estoril and the island of Irgiron lay in the middle of a vast ocean. The squall hit the harbor like a striking snake. One moment, the water was as placid as a pond. The next, foam-flecked waves reared up as savage blasts of wind whipped and slashed at the sea. The children panicked, and the boat capsized. Garacaius was an excellent swimmer and managed to save the four children, but his beloved wife, Lasha, drowned.
The squall passed as swiftly as it came, but things had changed forever. Garacaius could have saved everyone by using magic. Possibly he wanted to, but hesitated to break his solemn promise. By the time he made up his mind, it was much too late. That morning, as the family clambered onto the boat, Garacaius was a man in the prime of life — and thanks to the Legacies in his possession, he could look forward to many years of perfect health. That evening, Garacaius was a crushed old man. And in the days that followed, he sank deeper and deeper into grief, tortured by his conscience.

THE WEAKENING OF THE MAGE EMPEROR
Time passed, but did not heal the wound. The Great Mage Emperor seemed to lose all interest in the well-being of his empire. Trouble followed trouble — across Darien, old wounds were reopened and new ones were made. Garacaius acted ignorant; he dismissed agitated couriers with a weary wave of hand and returned to his private hell. Eventually a deputation from all of Darien’s tribes and noble houses assembled in Estoril. After a day of debate, the gathered nobles decided to present Garacaius with a demand: Rule, or step down in favor of one of your children. In this way, the nobles hoped to avoid the possibility of infuriating Garacaius — one does not pick a fight with a mighty Wizard. And if Garacaius’ successor would turn out to be wise, all the better. If stupid, he or she could be manipulated.
Garacaius instead chose a compromise. He did not resign, but he put practical control of Darien into the hands of his children. To each, he gave part of the empire that he thought most appropriate. To his daughters, he gave what best agreed with their temperaments; to his sons, what best fit their abilities. As he made the appointments, Garacaius also gave each child one of the Five Legacies. Possessing them would ensure that the new rulers would command more power than any scheming nobleman could ever hope to achieve.

THE FOUR CORONATIONS
His first-born son, Elsin, called Elsin the Fair, was renowned for his open and just nature. Practical, down to earth and honorable, Elsin was nevertheless somewhat less than brilliant — his desire for justice outweighed all other considerations. The one area where he shone was the science of engineering, with its straightforward, unbendable laws and rules. Elsin received dominion over the land of Aramon, perhaps the finest of them all. Aramon was the most developed of Darien’s continents, and Elsin quickly
proceeded to develop it even more, founding new cities, building roads and bridges, and establishing the famous Aramon Academy of Engineering and Design in the newly built provincial capital, Kaluen. To cement his grip on power, Elsin received the Legacy with the mogrite Stone of Darien mounted into a pendant.
Garacaius’ second-eldest child was a daughter named Thirsha. Strikingly similar to her black-haired mother, Thirsha loved the land of her mother’s birth, the land of Zhon. She was happiest when hunting deep in the bowels of an untamed forest, and spent whole weeks out in the country with just a single groom for company. Thirsha received dominion over her beloved Zhon, the wildest and least explored of Darien’s continents. With it, she received the bracelet containing the stone known as the Soul of Kandra. It was particularly appropriate, for the forests of Zhon contained many mysterious ruins dating from before the Great Cataclysm. As with Elsin and Aramon, sending Thirsha to Zhon was an inspired choice. Before long, the stubborn, half-wild tribes of the continent were firmly under her control, and the tribesmen reverently referred to her as the Huntress.
Garacaius’ younger son and third-born child, Lokken, had shown great promise. But after Lasha’s death, much of his early brilliance seemed to be replaced with many undesirable traits. Garacaius dearly loved the dark-headed Lokken, perhaps even more so than Elsin, and he believed a hungry mind, when not fed properly, turns to feed on itself. So he decided to give Lokken plenty to think about. Lokken received dominion over Taros. This ancient continent, some of whose tribes proudly claimed to predate the Kandrans, was almost constantly troubled by distur-bances of one sort or another. The four noble houses of Taros all harbored grievances against one another, and much of the land lay wasted by years of fighting. Together with Taros, Lokken received the scepter with the stone called Angvir’s Flame. Once again, it seemed to be a wise appointment — within a year, Lokken had quelled all unrest with a brilliant mix of diplomacy, brutality and magic.
Garacaius’ daughter Kirenna was his youngest child, and the one that most resembled her father. The resemblance included a love of the sea that survived her mother’s drown-ing. As soon as she was old enough, Kirenna left Estoril for long trips onboard trading ships visiting the farthest corners of Darien. Her co-sailors quickly dubbed her the Sea Mage, for Kirenna had an uncanny knack for anticipating changes of weather and piloting a ship safely through the thickest fog.
Kirenna received the dominion of Veruna and the ring with the mogrite stone known as Macha’s Tear. Among her first decrees were the abolition of all internal taxes and the doubling of wages paid to experienced seamen. The inhabi-tants of the islands that formed the federation of Veruna had a ruler who instinctively knew what her people did best; within a short time, Veruna came to command a virtual monopoly on sea trade.
Garacaius remained to oversee the first years of his children’s rule. He was a forlorn figure in the Estoril palace, a sad old man seated on the fifth Legacy, the blackstone Throne of Ludd. Although the mogrite Eye of Modron topping the throne assured health and vitality, each new day aged Garacaius by a week. He seldom spoke, and most of those who tried to talk to him received no more than a sad stare in answer.

THE END OF AN ERA
Ten years passed. All of Estoril prepared to celebrate the tenth anniversary of the Four Coronations. Among the scheduled attractions were a sea parade featuring the finest ships from Veruna’s fleet; the inauguration of the Darien Exhibition, featuring awe-inspiring machines and other examples of fine engineering from Aramon; and the opening of a gallery called The Wonders of Zhon, exhibiting unique handicrafts and works of art from that exotic land. After night had fallen, the assembled public was to be treated to a performance of the Fire Eaters of Taros, a group of artists skilled in manipulating fire in all its shapes and forms.
The day of the great celebration began with a rosy dawn. The white stone floors of the Estoril palace seemed to be lit pastel peach and orange as Gudnor, personal groom to Garacaius for the last forty years, walked from chamber to chamber in search of his master. He was determined to restore at least some dignity to the man he had loved and served twoscore years, for on this day Garacaius would have to make several public appearances.
It seemed Garacaius had not slept in his bed, and now, as Gudnor approached the Throne Room, his brow was furrowed with concern. It would be unfortunate if his master had chosen to spend yet another night alone on the throne, staring at the night’s shadows with unseeing eyes. Such night-long vigils left him looking even more frail and finished. Gudnor’s hand tightened on the box of pomade given to him by Kirenna, and he entered the Thone Room.
A moment later, his agonized cry shattered the morning peace.
For Garacaius was not in the Throne Room. The Throne of Ludd was empty. And where the stone known as Modron’s Eye had been, a cavity yawned mockingly.

The Four Realms
IT HAS BEEN 1527 YEARS SINCE GARACAIUS DISAPPEARED. HIS CHILDREN, ALL OF THEM GRANTED IMMORTALITY BY THE LEGACIES IN THEIR POSSESSION, CONTINUE TO RULE THEIR RESPECTIVE DOMAINS.

However, all this is about to change. For the last couple of centuries, the differences between the four monarchs have become more and more pronounced. The emergence of four different “state” religions is another sign that the former unity of Darien has been shattered beyond repair. Previously, all Darien worshipped the same gods. Now, most citizens of Aramon wear rings bearing the silver Hand of Anu, Lord of Light, while the people of Taros worship a terrible dark deity called Belial. All religious inhab-itants of Zhon worship Tammuz, the Goddess of the Hunt, and the patron saint of Veruna is Lihr, a mighty sea god.
All four kingdoms have previously fought one another, but now a great divide is opening between West and East. Ever since Garacaius disappeared, the kingdoms of Aramon and Veruna have been loyal to Garacaius’ great oath renouncing the use of magic in any but the most extreme circumstances. They have concentrated on building their power through economical means — where Aramon excels in industry and internal development, Veruna is a trade power-house. Both Elsin, ruler of Aramon, and Kirenna, the Sea Mage of Veruna, insist that their father’s law be obeyed — or else.
In the East, Taros is in open rebellion against the constraints imposed by the long-absent Garacaius. Lokken initiated his reign by using magic to subdue and terrorize the rebellious noble houses of Taros. Emboldened by his success, he has been practicing magic with growing intensity, going so far as to reshape the land to his pleasing. This has resulted in unexpected consequences. The Kandran Laws of Life stated he who manipulates Mana is like a swimmer borne along by a swift, powerful current. While one may use it to one’s advan-tage, trying to control or alter its course leads to tragedy. Lokken insists everything is going according to plan, but that’s not how it looks.
South of Taros, deep within the woods of Zhon, Thirsha the Huntress is also a regular practitioner of magic. Proudly independent, the Huntress has responded to the demands of Elsin and Kirenna with haughty scorn. She will not be told by anyone when it is appropriate for her to practice magic, and she supports Lokken in his right to do whatever he pleases in his domain.
The preceding centuries have already seen several bloody conflicts between the sibling Monarchs. Aramon has fought Veruna over the barren land of Kuvera in the northwest, and over several islands in the Sea of Mannan. The pirates of Zhon prey on Verunan ships and slaughter their crews. Zhon tribes repeatedly raid the rich coast of Aramon, whose Monarch retaliates by launching punitive expeditions deep into Zhon territory. A seemingly implacable hatred exists between Taros and Aramon, who have fought several full-scale wars on ideological grounds.
Each side has many valid grievances against the others, and tempers have reached a boiling point. The Four Monarchs are assembling armies and readying for imminent war.

Neruz fucked around with this message at 10:29 on Jun 28, 2014

Tongues
Aug 28, 2009

But I think those are eyes...
(source)
gently caress I love this game. I will watch this whole goddamn thing, because I've lost my discs many, many years ago and I must live vicariously.


Godspeed

Poil
Mar 17, 2007

Great to see this in action. I've been looking forward to it a lot. :)

AJ_Impy
Jun 17, 2007

SWORD OF SMATTAS. CAN YOU NOT HEAR A WORLD CRY OUT FOR JUSTICE? WHEN WILL YOU DELIVER IT?
Yam Slacker
I helped write the Stratos Group guide for this fifteen years ago. Man, I feel old.

anilEhilated
Feb 17, 2014

But I say fuck the rain.

Grimey Drawer
This game. I somehow managed to power through it mostly by holding onto the memory of the original TA. It's not really bad, just... disappointing. In just about every single regard.
Oh, and the campaign has more than its fair share of bullshit. Looking forward to this just to see someone else replay it so I don't have to.

Sloober
Apr 1, 2011
poo poo, I might still have my game box + manual somewhere at home. I have a chest I lug around with me because it's nice looking and kept most of these boxes/manuals in there.

THis was indeed a very disappointing game. I didn't find it very compelling to play either - I think I only completed half of the game before shelving it in boredom. Which is pretty amazing since when this came out I was still in the height of my fantasy games/books reading.

Sloober fucked around with this message at 15:55 on Mar 21, 2014

Zanzibar Ham
Mar 17, 2009

You giving me the cold shoulder? How cruel.


Grimey Drawer
I remember getting this game hoping for Total Annihilation: Fantasy Edition. I didn't really like the game, but what kept me playing it for quite a while was that one unique faction that had a neat concept.

Kangra
May 7, 2012

I pulled out the disc and installed this to play along. Unfortunately this was a bargain bin deal and it comes with no manual. There is an 'Atlas' that you can browse from the CD but apparently I need to install the Shockwave Player from the Macro-Media site on the World-Wide Web to view it. I have also been advised that since TA: Kingdoms is not your typical 3D game experience, that maybe I should select the software renderer for Best Performance without sacrificing too much Quality.

This LP will be required watching for me (since none of the cutscenes are playing for me -- I get sound only). I think last time I played this I gave up around the time you get to the point where you can build the drakes.

Loxbourne
Apr 6, 2011

Tomorrow, doom!
But now, tea.
oh, Kingdoms. Some lovely ideas...in entirely the wrong game engine for them. It did take TA's SimBase elements and run with them, though - only Age of Empires 2 comes remotely close in the "gleeful mighty castle construction" stakes.

A shame building all those fortresses takes so drat long! And the AI is still as idiotic as ever; I've won skirmish games by accident, especially with artillery. Our host is right about the game being full of undocumented features, too - most of the units have some form of secondary attack or triggered magical ability, but you'll be stumped if you look for details in the manual. Cavedog's website used to have writeups for some of the units, but that's long gone.

I do enjoy the Bayeux Tapestry cutscene art. I'm glad they kept that up; it's a nice period touch you seldom see fantasy settings do.

Neruz
Jul 23, 2012

A paragon of manliness

Loxbourne posted:

oh, Kingdoms. Some lovely ideas...in entirely the wrong game engine for them. It did take TA's SimBase elements and run with them, though - only Age of Empires 2 comes remotely close in the "gleeful mighty castle construction" stakes.

Oh boy yes, so long as you're not playing as Zhon you can build some mighty fortifications in Kingdoms indeed, though the faction who are the best at fortifications don't appear until the expansion pack.

I think that was what I spent most of my time playing Kingdoms doing; just playing skirmish matches against the AI and building gigiantic layered castles.

Sarrisan
Oct 9, 2012
God, that opening cutscene was a blast from the past. Somehow I forgot all about this game, yet I'm sure it was one of the centerpieces of my childhood. I'd never have the patience for this game today, but I will be following this closely.

Herr Tog
Jun 18, 2011

Grimey Drawer
I knew nothing about this game before. But I read your OP and got sad. Then I watched your videos and am sadder. I miss Cavedog and giant robot RTS'

Sindai
Jan 24, 2007
i want to achieve immortality through not dying
I love how the drakes behave exactly like gunships did in Total Annihilation, but with wing animations. :v:

God I remember how disappointed everyone was with this game. And how horribly it ran until a new version of DirectX was released that somehow more than doubled its framerate.

Oh Cavedog, why couldn't you have just made TA2?

Sindai fucked around with this message at 09:59 on Mar 22, 2014

Neruz
Jul 23, 2012

A paragon of manliness
Playing Kingdoms makes me feel like an abused spouse; I love it so much why does it do these things to me :negative:

In today's episodes we take control of the undead to eradicate a town :stare: and then we help Veruna do something really stupid!

Let's Play Total Annihilation: Kingdoms Episode 5 - Youtubular
Let's Play Total Annihilation: Kingdoms Episode 6 - Youtubular

Yvershek
Nov 15, 2000

and there are no
diamonds in the
mine
I still love how this game shows off your veteran units. Always fun to see a gold group moping up everything they come across.

Multiplayer was a blast too. Mostly because I would find unbalanced ways to piss my friends off.

Neruz
Jul 23, 2012

A paragon of manliness
No part of this game is remotely balanced; it's great because no matter what stupid bullshit cheese your enemy pulls you probably have some kind of stupid bullshit cheese of your own that slaps him down.

MonsieurChoc
Oct 12, 2013

Every species can smell its own extinction.
I got this game for free as a kid when I subscribed to some stupid humour magazine. I loved it well enough at the time, though I don't remember if I ever actually completed the game.

Loxbourne
Apr 6, 2011

Tomorrow, doom!
But now, tea.
I always found Veruna the most fun faction to play. Their emphasis is on range; crossbowmen will slaughter most of the other factions' Tier 1 units en masse. Later they get a Renaissance/clockpunk theme with less of an emphasis on Mighty Fortifications than Taros/Aramon, and a lot of artillery.

Ships are clunky as ever in this engine, but Veruna has some fun ideas for them that I honestly didn't see repeated until Red Alert 3. They also got the best of the downloadable units.

The result is a faction with powerful raiding and offence, and an obvious advantage on water-heavy maps. A shame the expansion race shoved them aside so brutally; there is no point whatsoever to playing Veruna in Iron Plague, alas, but we'll discuss that when we get there.

Cardiovorax
Jun 5, 2011

I mean, if you're a successful actress and you go out of the house in a skirt and without underwear, knowing that paparazzi are just waiting for opportunities like this and that it has happened many times before, then there's really nobody you can blame for it but yourself.
That first video was a hoot. "Welcome and bla to the first mission. And we're done. Thanks, see you next time."

anilEhilated
Feb 17, 2014

But I say fuck the rain.

Grimey Drawer
Can't believe I forgot about the cowalry.
Zhon's still the best though.

Neruz
Jul 23, 2012

A paragon of manliness

Loxbourne posted:

Ships are clunky as ever in this engine, but Veruna has some fun ideas for them that I honestly didn't see repeated until Red Alert 3. They also got the best of the downloadable units.

Ships are infinitely less clunky in this engine; yeah they're still slow and get stuck on things and have difficulty turning but to be fair all those things are true of real life sailboats too so I'm okay with that. The fact that loading and unloading units is now almost painless rather than an intensive operation that probably won't work anyway is huge, we won't be seeing better botes until Supreme Commander and SupCom cheats by not having naval transports because they couldn't work out the pathing.

Deadmeat5150
Nov 21, 2005

OLD MAN YELLS AT CLAN
This game was tugging on a memory string but it wasn't until I heard the sound of the tower firing that it all came flooding back to me. It took me weeks as a kid to finish the last missions. They were so drat hard!

The Saddest Robot
Apr 17, 2007
These are some of the blandest, most uninspiring starter levels to a rts gave I have ever seen. I think I remember playing a few of them and never bothering to play the campaign again.

Veloxyll
May 3, 2011

Fuck you say?!

The Saddest Robot posted:

These are some of the blandest, most uninspiring starter levels to a rts gave I have ever seen. I think I remember playing a few of them and never bothering to play the campaign again.

In a game that makes Tiberium Sun feel turbocharged.

Edit: also, nope, no survivors. This is the end of the world.

Veloxyll fucked around with this message at 11:45 on Mar 23, 2014

ponzicar
Mar 17, 2008
The cutscenes' documentary style is also really boring. I'm sure it's cheaper to animate, but the writing needs to be a lot better if they're going to be reading us a sailor's letter home instead of showing dragons burning a village to the ground.

So does this game have a fantasy version of the big bertha or intimidator cannons? I've never played a TA game, but judging by their effectiveness in your lps, I would probably build nothing else.

Neruz
Jul 23, 2012

A paragon of manliness

ponzicar posted:

So does this game have a fantasy version of the big bertha or intimidator cannons? I've never played a TA game, but judging by their effectiveness in your lps, I would probably build nothing else.

Yes and yes and there are missions dedicated to showing these units off; Kingdoms has way too many missions but at least that means that the really cool units get at least one mission to strut their stuff.

Tongues
Aug 28, 2009

But I think those are eyes...
(source)
It's been a very long time since I played TAK last, even longer since I played the campaign, but can you increase the speed by pressing the + key like you could in TA? I have a feeling that it used to work in skirmishes, not sure about anything else though :shrug:

Neruz
Jul 23, 2012

A paragon of manliness

Tongues posted:

It's been a very long time since I played TAK last, even longer since I played the campaign, but can you increase the speed by pressing the + key like you could in TA? I have a feeling that it used to work in skirmishes, not sure about anything else though :shrug:

I believe you can but I am not going to do this because I an dedicated to giving you guys the Genuine Kingdoms Experiencetm

Speaking of which it's time for some of that right now! In today's chapters we find out why the thing that Veruna just did was a really bad idea and then we get our first real Total Annihilation mission!

Let's Play Total Annihilation: Kingdoms Episode 7 - Youtubular
Let's Play Total Annihilation: Kingdoms Episode 8 - Youtubular

I hope you like hearing me be surprised and cut off by the victory screen; due to poor information availability and occasionally incorrect mission objectives I rarely actually know exactly when the mission will end :v:

nimby
Nov 4, 2009

The pinnacle of cloud computing.



I loved this game to death, even though later missions took 2 minutes to load on my crappy pc back in they day. The story is very compelling, in my opinion! I even got it again from GoG.com last year so I could play through it on a decent framerate. I only struggled with one Veruna level, I think you know which one.


The expansion was also tons of fun, even though it even further unbalanced multiplayer.

Meirlkor
Feb 18, 2013
Oho, I remember playing this game quite a bit back in the day.
Never did finish the campaign, given the preposterous length of the later levels, but I'll be enjoying this LP for sure.

Are you planning to do the expansion as well?

EDIT: after watching the most recent videos, I do seem to remember you can assist in the construction of units, but only with the monarch.
Don't even know if that applies in the campaign or not, though.

Meirlkor fucked around with this message at 04:28 on Mar 26, 2014

Kangra
May 7, 2012

Yeah, I've been able to use the Monarch to assist in unit construction. I don't recall if it was said one way or the other in the video, but other units can also assist in building construction (although only if they themselves would be able to construct it).

I find the style of the cutscenes hilarious in a good way. It's as if Ken Burns was making the history of Darien but couldn't afford any famous voice actors. All that's needed is to replace the background music with Ashokan Farewell. (Actually, I rather like that they went with a proper style that fits.)

anilEhilated
Feb 17, 2014

But I say fuck the rain.

Grimey Drawer
I like how the Zhonian shaman specifies that the invaders are smelly. It's a little detail that works with the beast theme Zhon has while providing you with a funny quip in the middle of an otherwise boring briefing.

Neruz
Jul 23, 2012

A paragon of manliness
It's Taros Time in today's episodes where we assassinate an alchemist and then I speak henious lies about Fire Spouts. Finally we erect a blasphemous temple to Belial; the demon god of Taros to ensure the victory of the undead hordes over the forces of men.

Let's Play Total Annihilation: Kingdoms Episode 9 - Youtubular
Let's Play Total Annihilation: Kingdoms Episode 10 - Youtubular
Let's Play Total Annihilation: Kingdoms Episode 11 - Youtubular

Next time; poo poo starts to go horribly wrong for Taros (hah you didn't think they were going to win this did you?).

AJ_Impy
Jun 17, 2007

SWORD OF SMATTAS. CAN YOU NOT HEAR A WORLD CRY OUT FOR JUSTICE? WHEN WILL YOU DELIVER IT?
Yam Slacker
Ah, Taros. the 'I hope you like micromanaging!' faction, more than most. Lots of glass cannons with interesting abilities and the potential to kill your own side if you aren't looking.

Kangra
May 7, 2012

That Spawn of Belial really threw me. It seems if you don't put your temple right in the center of the plateau, it doesn't count. When I had my temple, killed everything, and still didn't get the Victory gong, I thought maybe you had to build the spawn as well. Luckily, since I knew I could have built the spawn from the start, and the temple has no discernible purpose, I guessed that it must somehow contribute to speeding up the build time of the Spawn (same name, right?). I built another temple and won by accident.

It would be good if you can show it off separately (maybe use a cheat code to spawn one in, we probably don't need to watch it build for an hour).

Jefepato
Mar 11, 2009

This?! This is a glorious dance! That has been passed down! In my family for generations!
Ah, memories. I remember picking this up at Gencon way back whenever.

I also recall the backstory implying that the monarchs weren't supposed to use magic very much, but of course when you play the actual game every faction does it like crazy. Why have actual workers when you can just conjure your buildings, right?

Bloodly
Nov 3, 2008

Not as strong as you'd expect.

Jefepato posted:

Ah, memories. I remember picking this up at Gencon way back whenever.

I also recall the backstory implying that the monarchs weren't supposed to use magic very much, but of course when you play the actual game every faction does it like crazy. Why have actual workers when you can just conjure your buildings, right?

I have the manual. Yes, they all swore off it. Telos broke that for the sake of making the place 'livable'. It sort of escalated from there, but it's still 'controlled' in that it's mostly builders and a few other units, mostly the monarchs.

That manual is a deep and long backstory. It's almost a damm novel. Lovely thing, really.

V. Illych L.
Apr 11, 2008

ASK ME ABOUT LUMBER

So with Taros killing off its own units, wouldn't a valid strategy be just putting zombies in the faces of the enemy while their killy units do the actual killing? I dunno, it just seems like they'd be a convenient disposable meat shield.

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anilEhilated
Feb 17, 2014

But I say fuck the rain.

Grimey Drawer
They're not much of a shield, sadly. This game has better units for swarm tactics.

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