- cruft
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I don't want anybody to panic but I have an early report that a bear attacked our trash can last night.
Updates as we get them.
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Jun 9, 2014 18:54
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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Apr 27, 2024 16:55
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- A Bad King
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Suppose the oil man,
He comes to town.
And you don't lay money down.
Yet Mr. King,
He killed the thread
The other day.
Well I wonder.
Who's gonna go to Hell?
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I don't want anybody to panic but I have an early report that a bear attacked our trash can last night.
Updates as we get them.
Is bear there still? Make it your best friend
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Jun 9, 2014 18:55
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- cruft
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The trash can is reported to be in stable condition.
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Jun 9, 2014 18:55
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- A Bad King
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Suppose the oil man,
He comes to town.
And you don't lay money down.
Yet Mr. King,
He killed the thread
The other day.
Well I wonder.
Who's gonna go to Hell?
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The trash can is reported to be in stable condition.
Is the bear there, rear end in a top hat? Invite it with honey!
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Jun 9, 2014 18:55
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- cruft
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Okay, I'm now being informed that it wasn't our trash can, it was a trash can at the ice rink.
I think we can say for sure that it is chaos on the ground right now as differing reports come in at breakneck speed.
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Jun 9, 2014 18:58
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- cruft
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We're getting multiple confirmed reports that the trash can was at the ice rink, but nobody can currently speculate as to who cleaned it up.
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Jun 9, 2014 19:00
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- A Bad King
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Suppose the oil man,
He comes to town.
And you don't lay money down.
Yet Mr. King,
He killed the thread
The other day.
Well I wonder.
Who's gonna go to Hell?
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loving teasing us
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Jun 9, 2014 19:01
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- alnilam
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bear patrol jet update: bogey-bear not sighted yet, evidence of bear related activities at ice rink
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Jun 9, 2014 19:03
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- alnilam
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bogey-bear is a cute lil nickname we came up with at Bear Patrol, get it it rhymes with yogi but also bogey is an aviation term for an unidentified craft
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Jun 9, 2014 19:03
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- A Bad King
-
Suppose the oil man,
He comes to town.
And you don't lay money down.
Yet Mr. King,
He killed the thread
The other day.
Well I wonder.
Who's gonna go to Hell?
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bear patrol jet update: bogey-bear not sighted yet, evidence of bear related activities at ice rink
OP then lied to us. What the gently caress cruft why would you loving lead us on?!
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Jun 9, 2014 19:04
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- cruft
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OP then lied to us. What the gently caress cruft why would you loving lead us on?!
We're still trying to get ground truth on this issue and we apologize if our up-to-the-minute reporting turns out to later be inaccurate.
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Jun 9, 2014 19:05
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- alnilam
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we spotted bear but idk what to do we usually never get this far
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Jun 9, 2014 19:06
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- cruft
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This is live news people, and it's messy. If you're uncomfortable with on-the-air corrections you should consider a newspaper subscription.
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Jun 9, 2014 19:06
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- cruft
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Okay we're getting reports from our Bear Patrol Jet™ that the bear has been spotted in the parking lot between a white and a silver sedan.
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Jun 9, 2014 19:07
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- A Bad King
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Suppose the oil man,
He comes to town.
And you don't lay money down.
Yet Mr. King,
He killed the thread
The other day.
Well I wonder.
Who's gonna go to Hell?
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loving lying on the internet: http://youtu.be/xin2hI9j0GY
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Jun 9, 2014 19:09
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- cruft
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We're being told that the trash can is in a safe house and is expected to make a full recovery.
Our Bear Patrol Jet™ is having technical issues and we've lost our live feed, but we're going to try and get that back for you as soon as possible.
In an unrelated side note, slush puppies are half off at the gas station if you bring your own cup.
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Jun 9, 2014 19:10
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- cruft
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It's too soon to speculate as to whether the Bear Patrol Jet™ has crashed. I just want to clarify this point: we have no information at this time that would lead us to think that the Bear Patrol Jet™ has crashed due to a second bear attack.
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Jun 9, 2014 19:11
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- cruft
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Okay, it looks like, yes, it looks like the Bear Patrol Jet™ is okay, but somehow is now a Bear Patrol Prop Plane™.
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Jun 9, 2014 19:12
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- mazzi Chart Czar
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It's too soon to speculate as to whether the Bear Patrol Jet™ has crashed. I just want to clarify this point: we have no information at this time that would lead us to think that the Bear Patrol Jet™ has crashed due to a second bear attack.
The second bear has hit the tower.
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Jun 9, 2014 19:13
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- cruft
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Okay we're getting reports of a second bear...
(is that right, Charlene?)
Okay, yes, there seems to be a second bear hitting a tower.
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Jun 9, 2014 19:15
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- cruft
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Ladies and Gentlemen, it appears the second bear was punching the shrink-ray tower, and Bear Patrol Jet™/Prop® is now being attacked by the first bear.
At this point the national bear service has escalated from a Bear Warning to a Bear Watch across the entire tri-county area. You are advised to seek shelter immediately, as far away from trash cans or refrigerators as possible.
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Jun 9, 2014 19:20
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- Looke
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Jesus loving Christ, my thoughts are with you during this difficult time.
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Jun 9, 2014 19:22
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- cruft
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I think we've lost Bear Patrol Aircraft℠.
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Jun 9, 2014 19:27
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- cruft
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Okay, I'm sorry, I thought we were at commercial.
A viewer photo submitted to our website WOAR dot com is causing some speculation here in the news room that the second bear may actually just be a strawbeary.
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Jun 9, 2014 19:30
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- google THIS
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did somebody ask for a bear patrol jett b/c i'm here
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Jun 9, 2014 19:33
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- cruft
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Good news for a change, we now have a second Bear Patrol Jett© scrambling to become airborne and should be restoring a video feed, or at least a couple dumb comments, to our viewing audience soon.
In the meantime, the police chief has issued a statement saying that people should remain in their homes and to please cover with an airtight plastic wrap any grubs they might have in open air.
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Jun 9, 2014 19:35
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- google THIS
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i am currently on the ground liveposting from my phone, i have seen no sign, repeat no sign of these alleged bears but i will continue to update if anything further develops OH JESUS
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QCAntD1-DIk&t=15s
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Jun 9, 2014 19:40
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- bwatts
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 haha
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Jun 9, 2014 19:44
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- cruft
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I've just been told that we may have secured an exclusive interview with the bear, be sure to tune in to Good Morning Town on Wednesday morning.
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Jun 9, 2014 19:44
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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Apr 27, 2024 16:55
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- Arnold of Soissons
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by XyloJW
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bears are making use of camoflage please advise
hahahahaha
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Jun 9, 2014 19:50
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Jun 9, 2014 18:54
