Cumt posted:

i'd start by pan frying the anime medallion in olive oil basting it occasionally with its own juice

i'd then sauté the weed, blending in seared tits and assers with crushed black pepper

i create a chill and white wine reduction as a dressing which i pour around the base of the weed

Cumt posted:

WindmillSlayer posted:

hey guys, im WMS. im not the best chef but i always try my best and I seem to make food people enjoy Now im actually gonna use the tits and assers as my main course, see, breasts and butts both are curvy and using the anime as an accentuation rather than the focus should put me ahead of the rest.
I'll be using the weed as a base for a nice cream sorbet, obviously the chill is what will keep it in its congealed form.

Cumt posted:

i'd start by pan frying the anime medallion in olive oil basting it occasionally with its own juice

i'd then sauté the weed, blending in seared tits and assers with crushed black pepper

i create a chill and white wine reduction as a dressing which i pour around the base of the weed

GEExCEE posted:

[contestant]: I've prepared a traditional Provençal dish known as "Anime à la T-Pain." The track is chopped and then lightly screwed, for additional flavor. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GuAL2oSKtqo

Quickscope420dad posted:

I just empty a vase of weed onto a plate and jam a fork into it, handing it to the judges and looking at them judgementally

Theglavwen posted:

Weed sushi rolls presented on the finest tits and assers of the most discerning of Japanese anime cosplayers. Each will, of course, be wearing the chillest of shades. The pure chill of their auras will ensure that the sushi remains at optimal temperatures.

Bwee posted:

BYOB, please choose your character! We need three volunteers for this round to judge the dishes!

dogcrash truther posted:

Hello I'm Marcus and I'm here to judge soem bullshit I guess.

WindmillSlayer posted:

gently caress. I dont know what to to do with crews. I'll just finely dice them down and hope they get disorganized and disband or something. A little curry powder can add some flavor to the crew but I dont know if it enough.... I wish this was Work Crew. That at least has some substance...

I'm actually going to make two dishes here, the Crew with some curry and white rice for a nice substantial dish. Smoobles and Irony??? No substance.

This is my game.

I blend the smoobles with egg white to make a suspension foam and then realize: I have no chill. I forgot I didn't have chill this challenge. The smoobles will melt down if exposed to any heat there's no goddamn chill. I dont have the time or the ingredients left to change the recipe...

I desperately throw some irony in with the smoobles. It wont make the dish good but it can help congeal into something almost good. As long as the texture comes out nicely it should work as a palate cleanser after the crew.... But we all know smoobles doesn't play well with irony.

Cumt posted:

*takes smoobles meme out of the basket and immediately puts in in the trash*

Erm yeah so these 3 ingredients, crews, irony and curry powder. I think I'll use a mixed blend of finely chopped crews to avoid that bland one note flavour you get only using one, this is going to be an exciting dish with complex yet complimentary flavours, Nite crew for that slightly gamey taste, work crew for a sort of nutty flavour and a bit of Renagade crew for a bit of a kick. Irony is a strong flavour so I'll have to use it sparingly as to not overpower the other flavours. The same for the curry powder. If my palette isn't up for the task of balancing all this, I'm out.

I'm going to make a crew consommé broth with a hint of irony and curry bread croutons.

I'm wiping the sweat off my forehead the pressure is on, this dish has to be perfect. It looks simple but getting the consommé to clear in such a short time will be difficult.

I look over at WindmillSlayer's experimental fusion cooking, have I played it too safe this round by sticking to a classic?

GEExCEE posted:

Today I've prepared for the chefs a Crews Confit brined in Smoobles and fine herbs, along with a Nazi garnish and curried potato risotto:

Theglavwen posted:

Cooking with crews, I'm really out of my element. Never used this ingredient before.

They're long. Long threads. Going to take a while I think. Honestly, I don't know what I'm doing here, so I'm going to have to cut some corners. One of these ingredients is going to have to go. I know it's a problem, but I need the time, and I've got to get something on the plate.

This Smoobles meme is going to have to go. Cutting that right out. I'd never sully my hands by working with a meme anyway. Yup, this Smoobles meme isn't going to show up anywhere on this plate.

So let's see. Gonna take this crew thread here, soften it up a bit, boil it then do it up with some browned butter and rock salt. Gonna make a little nest out of it. Wind that long thread all around the plate, like a bird's nest. Lemme see, think there was a label on it, yeah, Night Crew it said.

Alright, so, it's a night themed dish. I can work with that. New Orleans at night, gonna get some colour, some smooth, chill atmosphere. Gonna ladle in some smooth jazz, just nestle it right into this Night Crew nest here. Mix in that jazz with a bit of smoke, a little mystery. This is shaping up pretty well. Now we'll season it with some spicy curry powder, to give it that kick of danger and intrigue.

Mmkay, we can't just have pasta though, so I'll make up some meat balls. Lamb and Bison meat balls, rich and indulgent and a little wild. Stir in some more of that smooth jazz and there we go. Put those right on top.

So here we go, my New Orleans Night Crew entree with Lamb and Bison mea....no, that doesn't sound good. Gotta give it a better name. Not meat balls, sounds pedestrian. Let's see, all that smooth jazz mixed in there, they're pretty smooth themselves. Yeah, alright, My 'New Orleans Night Crew entree with Smoo Balls'.

Hey, wait a minute, Smoo Balls, sounds kind like that Smoobles meme. Man, after all I said about not getting any of that in there. Boy.

That's Ironic.

Bwee posted:

BYOB, please choose your character! We need three volunteers for this round to judge the dishes!

Bwee posted:

BYOB, please choose your character! We need three volunteers for this round to judge the dishes!

Peanut and the Gang posted:

And the person to be chopped is.........

*slowly looks around the room for dramatic effect*

*eyes go wide as I notice Aaran and lock on him*

AARAN SANCHES! My worst enemy! You think you can get away with your crimes from all those years ago! You think you can escape me?! It is you who will be chopped!! *lunges towards Sanches, brandishing knives and guns blazing*

FartGhost posted:

geexcee made fun of one of my posts a while ago so i pick him, also lol at this thread

WindmillSlayer posted:

*Desperately doing prep work, chopping, slicing, posting, broiling, rating, etc* Hammock cat. What the gently caress. I cant believe they are making us cook with hammock cat. They are a protected species in most of the world. At least the hammock cat I got was already filleted. I'll do a quick sear on that I guess. If its cooked just right it should be a perfect base for a Sadbrains and Cake pasta. The Cake has hints of chicken broth, and you can tell it's a little out of date. Hopefully the lack of freshness doesn't come back to bite me... Sadbrains is just julienned and laid across the pasta. It should be tender enough to just eat it like pasta but I cant waste time trying it.

I still have two ingredients.

IRC chatlogs and Former IK's. I'm going to combine these, they go together perfectly. I heat up the IK's to boiling and toss in the irc chatlogs and quickly cover the pot, wait ten seconds, and pull the lid off. I take the lid and angle it, letting the condensation drip down into a glass. After a few moments I drip the mixture of the dish. It should bring the perfect taste and humor to a dish filled with such tragedy.

Cumt posted:

I'm going all out this round.

For my dessert I will bake a chocolate former IK soufflé with a little of The Cake in there. I'll demonstrate some sugar work with a delicate sugar spun basket over an IRC chatlog sorbet, hopefully there will be time for it to freeze, I'll use the hammock to cat help it chill. If I have time I'll whip up a sadbrainberry coulis.

There's a lot that can go wrong on this plate and timing will be crucial.

Theglavwen posted:

Looking around at my competition, I feel confident. The worthy Windmillslayer seems to have, in her enthusiasm, forgotten that this is a dessert round. Cumt's obviously knows his dessert work, but former IK's are way too volatile and dense for a soufflé, and I think he's got a few in there of quite questionable taste.

As I work, some of my offscreen/backstage commentary is played, where I talk condescendingly about my chances while giving a smug look at the camera in just the way to make the audience want me chopped as the 'badguy' chef. Oooh, drumming up some drama here.

There's no doubt about it, Sadbrains is the heart of this dessert. It's extremely difficult to work with, so it'll require all of my skill, but done properly it's a delicate, vulnerable ingredient just brimming with powerful emotion and hints of schadenfreud. I start whipping up this delicate Schadenfreude mousse.

While the mousse is preparing, I look at the other ingredients. I'm a bit confused, they've said we're supposed to use The Cake



but they seem to have given us just Cake.



It's alright though, as they're complimentary flavours and I can use both.

I'll prepare Cake, with its unique, alternative flavour, as a small cake for the mousse to sit upon. It's a bit of a flighty ingredient though, so I'll have to weigh it down. I'll add density to it by sifting IRC Chatlogs into the mix, straining them through Hammock Cat's hammock, separating the IRC wheat from the chaff, and imparting a dose of that chill, irresistable Hammock Cat taste. Now we've got a dense, groovy base for that mousse.

The mousse is almost ready. Those sadbrains, while delicate, can be a bit bitter and depressing too though, so I've got to liven the mixture up. That's where The Cake comes in. I mix in those psychedelic pop rocks to give the mousse a bit more upbeat intensity, while not disturbing its 'artistic' temperament and sensitivity.

Plating the dish, I realize I've almost forgot the Former IKs! No worry though, as a bit of Cracked Bo Pepper garnished over the dessert will give it a bit of spicy kick that'll really top it off.

Bam. Psychedelic Sadbrains mousse layered over dense and groovy mini-cakes, topped with a sprinkling of Bo Pepper.

WindmillSlayer posted:

*A grin crosses my face* Ah, I know what I'll do for this round. All these ingredients, I know them like I know the complex intricacies of freudian psychology. Fresh comet is my heat source for this dish. At a blazing 3500f i flash cooks Cumts head and dehairs it at the same time. I make quick use of my paring knife and clear the bone, leaving cumts skull and a little meat forming a nearly cute brain bowl. The tears of the autistic child are difficult to work with, but I would be lying if I said I hadn't used them in dishes before. The flavor, and the remorse that comes with it, are exquisite.

I can't pull off two dishes in the time limit though. Hmmm...

The knowledge that I one day will die, and that that very day may be today if I lose strikes me with such power I instantly get to work on the snail with tits. I finish quickly.

Slightly embarrassed I present the final dish, Snail with TIts, creamed, in a flash heated cumt skull with a broth of autistic tears. It's a challenging meal, but I hope the chefs will notice the extra work and play I put into making it.

Theglavwen posted:

Here have we transcended the mortal conception of 'food'. Here in our final moments, mere comestibles become fuel not for our brief, pointless lives, but for our very souls! Now is required not only food, but art!

Cumt's head must, of course, be the early focus of the dish. Delicately I remove the flesh from bone in thin strips. I'll prepare a Cumt Meat Tataki, lightly searing the tender meat then marinating it in freshly squeezed tears from an autistic child. That salty, confused and desperate taste, the bitter knowledge of a robot that will never be human, will provide the first hint of the tragedy we all know is coming.

After boiling the skull so that it shines, I layer the tataki back over it, giving the semblance of hairless flesh, still clinging to bone in a desperate attempt at life. The hints of bleached skull gleaming through the gaps in its grinning rictus serve as a gruesome momento mori, reminding the judges of just how little time is left. How closely death accompanies us, even in our most mundane and every day activities.

But now, now, the dish will come to life. Using all my dark powers, I summon the great comet Ia'Thncum! Ageless in its traversal of the void, its heat as fresh as the moment it was spawned in the birth of the universe! As the delicate and fragile dish of Cumt Head Tataki is served up to the judges, the heat of Ia'Thncum, our doom, will begin to lick at our mortal bodies. Eat quickly, judges, for our time is nigh!

Our glorious death hovers in the sky, bringing everything into stark clarity. These are our last moments, Cumt Head Tataki, our final dish! How exquisite, how poignant, feel the despair, the knowledge that one day, this day, you will die, dance across your tongue! Feel it fire your every sense, taste it as you have never tasted anything before! Only through this, my art, my gift, can this elusive flavour truly be brought out!

But what is this! Look up, judges, with Cumt dribbling from your quivering lips, look up at your end! There! Upon mighty Ia`Thncum, riding in her divine incandescence, the Great, Be-Titted Snail! That perky, glorious visage, shown only to those whose final moment is nigh! What wonder! Only now, in our final breath, are we granted the opportunity to know such mind-searing beauty! As Ia'Thncum completes its fatal mission, crashing down upon this fragile vessel we call BYOB, we can finally understand true beauty, and know that our brief, stunted lives were worth it after all.

Cumt-Head Tataki, marinated in the tears of an autistic child, awash in the knowledge that one day, we will die, brought about by Ia'Thncum, Fresh Comet of The End, and finished with the final, transcendent bliss that is the knowledge of a snail with tits.

~Fin