maniacdevnull posted:

can this be the watch chat thread?

My Linux Rig posted:

lol who wears watches anymore?

quote:

Toseef A: Welcome to Vertu Customer Service. How can I help you?
You: how do i update my firmware
Toseef A: Can I have your Serial Number please
You: where would i find that
Toseef A: The Serial Number should be on the back of your Phone
You: I don't have a serial number on this model?
You: at least not on the back
Toseef A: Do you know which model that is?
Toseef A: In order to help you I would need to know which Vertu phone you have.
You: The android one
You: do i need the cable
You: my battery is low
Toseef A: Sorry but Is it possible to call you, it would be easier to help you
You: now isn't a good time to call
Toseef A: Yes you can
You: no i mean i can't take calls at the moment, that is why im doing this through text
Toseef A: To Update your Software
Toseef A: please go to settings then About phone
Toseef A: and select the option System Update
You: ok
You: what is the latest firmware?
Toseef A: .043
You: ok
You: getting it
Toseef A: Is there anything else I can assist you with today?
You: does twitter support the new firmware
You: i want to tweet
Toseef A: Yes it should work
Toseef A: Is there anything else I can assist you with today?
You: when the phone finishes rebooting where would i find the tweet button
You: i mean on the screen i know the phone wont grow a button ha ha
Toseef A: If the application is Downloaded on your phone, you should be able to find it in your MAIN menu
You: ok
You: also i think the battery gave out while the phone was updating
You: is it going to be ok
Toseef A: If you cant find it there please do check if the application is downloaded.
You: it wont turn on
You: and its plugged in
Toseef A: there for go to Settings then Applications and you would be able to see all downloaded applications
Toseef A: Is there anything else I can assist you with today?
You: the battery just gave out when you told me to update
You: the phone is plugged in now and it wont turn on
You: am i going to have to buy another phone
Toseef A: Please wait for a bit it, and it should switch on
You: ok
You: it says the kernel is broken
You: how do i factory reset
You: it says to factory reset
You: there wasn't a tweeting button btw
Toseef A: This can not happen when you update your Phone software.
You: i dont want it to happen
You: how do we fix this
Toseef A: In order to give further assistance it is important to do it over the phone
You: the phone is broken genius
Toseef A: We need to know which model your handset is to assist you with a factory reset.
You: Constellation
You: its an android
You: without a tweeter apparently
You: the button i mean
You: it has the red button though
Toseef A: You can download twitter from the google Playstore
You: can i do that from the computer
You: or do i have to fix the phone first
Toseef A: You can access twitter via any Browser
You: what about the play store
You: also my phone is still broken because we broke it
You: its a dumb phone now.
You: its not a smart phone.
You: (that is the joke i will tell when i tweet)
Toseef A: Sorry but the phone can not break when updating the software. It must be some other problem.
You: the battery gave out when updating its bricked and i have to get a new one
Toseef A: Therefore the best way to provide you with further assistance would be over the phone
You: get a clue the phone is a brick
You: i am just going to get a cheaper android i think
You: catch you on the flip side
You: (that is another cool thing i will say on twitter)
Toseef A: As I am trying to explain you from the beginning of this conversation, in order to help you properly I would need to ask you to call our Customer Service line or provide me with your number and I will call you to solve your problem
You: I am just going to get a new phone i think
You: thank you for telling me how to
You: tweet
Toseef A: Your more then welcome
Toseef A: Is there anything else I can assist you with today?
You: no i think we're good
You: keep the peace homie
You: (another one for the tweets)
You: do i have to throw away vertu phones a certain way or
You: hello?

dendy crew posted:

Widdiful posted:

i live half a mile away from vertu headquarters, op, please do not insult my local phone manufacturer.

quote:

Marlon F: Welcome to Vertu Customer Service. How can I help you?
You: i am not satisfied with my vertu
Marlon F: sorry to hear that, which vertu do you currently have and what seems to be the issue.
You: i have the constellation and it is messing up my tweets
Marlon F: ok, can you explain what is happening exactly?
You: all my good tweets come out with monospace font?
Marlon F: Is your other texts, emails ok?
You: so far nobody has said anything because those are not public
You: i can't risk my brand
Marlon F: again, is your texts and emails ok? or you just having this issue with your twitter
You: it happens everywhere but everything that is public-facing carries some risk
You: do i have a virus
Marlon F: No I doubt it very much, just sounds like you need to adjust your settins.
You: ｈｏｗ ｄｏ ｉ ａｄｊｕｓｔ ｍｙ ｓｅｔｔｉｎｇｓ
Marlon F: Are you happy to hold while I see if I can find out for y? Alternatively I may have to call you back
You: ｏｋ
Marlon F: Can I have a name and tellephone number pls
You: ｉ ｈａｖｅ ｔｈｅ ｋｅｙｂｏａｒｄ ｓｅｔｔｉｎｇｓ ｏｐｅｎ
You: ｉ ｔｈｉｎｋ ｉｖｅ ｇｏｔ ｉｔ
You: ｗｈｉｃｈ ｉｓ ｂｅｔｔｅｒ ｓｊｉｓ ｏｒ ｕｎｉｃｏｄｅ
You: ｈｅｌｌｏ？
Marlon F: I have
Marlon F: I have double checked information we have and I can categorically state your issue is to do with the app settings possible. However it is defiantly not a vertuy issue.
You: ｔｈａｔ ｄｉｄｎ＇ｔ ａｎｓｗｅｒ ｍｙ ｑｕｅｓｔｉｏｎ
You: ｉ ｈａｖｅ ｔｈｅ ｋｅｙｂｏａｒｄ ｓｅｔｔｉｎｇｓ ｏｐｅｎ
You: ｗｈｉｃｈ ｉｓ ｂｅｔｔｅｒ ｓｊｉｓ ｏｒ ｕｎｉｃｏｄｅ
Marlon F: Could you explain that last part of your sentence.
Marlon F: as i did not understand please
You: ｗｈｉｃｈ ｏｎｅ ｄｏ ｉ ｕｓｅ
You: ｉ ｃａｎｔ ｕｓｅ ｍｙ ｐｈｏｎｅ ｕｎｔｉｌ ｉ ｐｉｃｋ ｏｎｅ
Marlon F: I am not familiar with facebook or twitter so you would have to select the option you think and see if it works.
You: ｃａｎ ｙｏｕ ｓｔａｙ ｏｎ ｈｏｌｄ？ ｉ ｎｅｅｄ ｔｏ ｔａｌｋ ｔｏ ｍｙ ｂｒａｎｄ ｍａｎａｇｅｒ
Marlon F: ok
You: my brand manager is asking if there is a big vertu phone
You: like a bigger one
You: than the constellation
Marlon F: in terms of size?
You: let me check
You: "like the big iphone" he says
Marlon F: Our 2 latest handsets are quite large in size. Their our the Vertu Signature touch and the Vertu Aster. If you take a look on our website or go to your nearest boutique then you can see this first hand.
You: oh he has the signature touch
You: he is asking if there is one bigger than that
You: we are going to try tweeting from the signature touch one sec
Marlon F: ok
You: it worked but our clientele miss the monospace font how do we get it back
Marlon F: no our latest handset the Vertu Aster is the same size roughly.
You: oh um
You: ok he straight up broke the phone
You: he threw it but the tweet did go through
Marlon F: Anything else we can do at this point?
You: he threw his phone but mine is fine
You: he says he is going to the big iphone but i think ive got my vertu working again
Marlon F: Ok that is great, if you need further technical assistance please let us know.
You: which is better unicode or sjis
You: im sorry that screen is still on my phone
Marlon F: I have no idea on what they are unfortunately
You: oh...
You: ok thanks
Marlon F: Thanks for contacting Vertu customer services

quote:

Harmandip T: Welcome to Vertu Customer Service. How can I help you?
You: is this the concierge service
Harmandip T: Hello, we are Customer Service
You: Hello
You: I am having a big time problem with my phone
Harmandip T: Can I ask for more details regarding your problem?
You: my aster is not working like it used to
You: People are not impressed by it anymore.
Harmandip T: Can you please give more details regarding which feature is not working and I will try to find a resolution.
You: The dazzle. the glitz
You: people don't care about my vertu phone
Harmandip T: Can I ask for your Vertu serial number please?
You: where would i find that
You: i threw out the box
Harmandip T: It is laser inscribed on the metal plate on the back on your phone
Harmandip T: Can I ask for your e,mail address please?
You: mine just says "Vertu" "Handmade In England"
You: Listen it's not technology related. The phone works fine, technologically.
You: I keep tipping my hand with my vertu saying "check out my big phone"
You: and then people have a bigger phone it is bull poo poo
You: did you know people have phone WATCHES?? where is the vertu watch
Harmandip T: I don't think we have any plans to make watches at the moment.
You: can I wear the aster on my wrist or face
You: people have phones on their faces now
Harmandip T: We do not recommend you to wear any Vertu phone on your wrist or your face.
Harmandip T: Have you registered your handset with Vertu?
You: I'm not sure how a registered phone is going to impress
You: How would people know i'm registered
Harmandip T: You will have a complimentary subscription to Kaspersky Mobile protection. So if you lose your handset, you can track it remotely. You can also enable the handset to automatically take a picture of the user any time someone inputs the wrong PIN unlock code.
You: how is that useful
You: are you telling me the way to make a splash socially is to repeatedly lose my phone in front of people
You: Harmandip you are a GENIUS
Harmandip T: Is there anything else I can help you with?
You: Is vertu going to make tablets
You: They are basically big phones
Harmandip T: Unfortunately, we do not currently have any plans to launch a Vertu tablet.
You: good. i dont know how to lose a tablet but i think ive got my phone plans figured out
You: thank you Harmandip T.
Harmandip T: You're welcome. Have a great day.

Ocrassus posted:

the only thing this type of rich person cares about is exclusivity and, well, how much it costs. hence all the leather and stuff.

maniacdevnull posted:

the rich deserved to be fleeced so this is good

maniacdevnull posted:

can this be the watch chat thread?

rotor posted:

absolutely not

dendy crew posted:

You: can I wear the aster on my wrist or face 
You: people have phones on their faces now 

LP0 ON FIRE posted:

what's with the lovely font rendering

pram posted:

the antialiasing is turned off you dumb bastard

pram posted:

pram posted:

seriously what tyhe gently caress is going on here

Sham bam bamina! posted:

yeah weird unicode characters do that (at least on windows, i've never seen them on a mac) and i'm genuinely baffled that it's apparently taken you this long to notice

VLADIMIR GLUTEN posted:

Ｌｏｏｋｓ ｆｉｎｅ ｏｎ ｗｉｎｄｏｗｓ ｔｈｏｕｇｈ？

Sham bam bamina! posted:

？？？

pram posted:

seriously what tyhe gently caress is going on here

Sham bam bamina! posted:

yeah weird unicode characters do that (at least on windows, i've never seen them on a mac) and i'm genuinely baffled that it's apparently taken you this long to notice