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teleolurian
Jan 6, 2015



newtestleper posted:

I will give your interprompt an in-depth crit if you toxx to enter and submit for the 'dome proper for the next prompt.

Ah, since I'm not sure I can promise to meet a future deadline, I'll have to give it a miss. Thanks for responding though!

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newtestleper
Oct 30, 2003


teleolurian posted:

Ah, since I'm not sure I can promise to meet a future deadline, I'll have to give it a miss. Thanks for responding though!

You're a disgusting coward get the hell out of here

crabrock
Aug 2, 2002

aka sticklegs



Grimey Drawer

hey i want to write almost the minimum amount of words that can be described as a "story," but I want to do it in a risk-free environment. Is thunderdome right for me?

ZeBourgeoisie
Aug 8, 2013

THUNDERDOME
LOSER


crabrock posted:

hey i want to write almost the minimum amount of words that can be described as a "story," but I want to do it in a risk-free environment. Is thunderdome right for me?

The gently caress are stories? I just bang my keyboard until I get tired and hit submit.

teleolurian
Jan 6, 2015



crabrock posted:

hey i want to write almost the minimum amount of words that can be described as a "story," but I want to do it in a risk-free environment. Is thunderdome right for me?

Well, I meant that I couldn't necessarily promise to meet the next prompt because I don't know how much free time I'll have this week. But it's obviously not, so thanks for clearing that up.

newtestleper
Oct 30, 2003


teleolurian posted:

Well, I meant that I couldn't necessarily promise to meet the next prompt because I don't know how much free time I'll have this week. But it's obviously not, so thanks for clearing that up.

Everyone understands what you meant. crabrock's paraphrasing seemed reasonable to me.

Kaishai
Nov 3, 2010

Scoffing at modernity.

You can enter any interprompt or prompt you want without needing permission, for the record. The thing about interprompts is that they usually don't end in feedback, so newtestleper was making a special offer when he suggested the et al.

Being dicks to each other is a cherished cornerstone of Thunderdome culture. The sporting act when smacked in the face with dickery is to be a dick right back, by which I mean compare NTL's spine to a Gummi Worm and his cojones to chickpeas.

Kaishai fucked around with this message at Oct 19, 2015 around 23:45

flerp
Feb 25, 2014


newt only yells at newbie because they dont know that hes garbage + dumb and nobody listens to him

crabrock
Aug 2, 2002

aka sticklegs



Grimey Drawer

speaking of dumb garbage, how long do we give Tyran to judge broenheim and my brawl? I'm fine with him taking a while, but he's been awol since he failed and i'm worried he's never coming back?

newtestleper
Oct 30, 2003



dreadmojo
Oct 23, 2010



Legit Cyberpunk

Broenheim posted:

newt only yells at newbie because they dont know that hes garbage + dumb and nobody listens to him

Your garbage and dumb

E: I'll judge it if he doesn't show in a while

dreadmojo fucked around with this message at Oct 20, 2015 around 00:24

Boaz-Jachim
Sep 20, 2015

CANERE CORAM LEONE


You're so limp dicked you could gently caress the cap of a toothpaste tube if you actually thought my stories were decent. I thought this place was tough.

gently caress you all, I'm in for this week whatever it is.

newtestleper
Oct 30, 2003


Boaz-Jachim posted:


gently caress you all, I'm in for this week whatever it is.

Write me an interprompt

Kaishai
Nov 3, 2010

Scoffing at modernity.

sebmojo posted:

Your garbage and dumb

sebmojo posted:

Your garbage


Ironic Twist
Aug 3, 2008

THUNDERDOME LOSER



WEEK 167 RESULTS

Let’s get right down to it.

Our DMs this week are ghost crow and Killer-Of-Lawyers, both for stories set in a desert where nothing terribly interesting or sensical or scary happened.

But they were still better stories and closer to the prompt than newtestleper's, who takes the Loss this week for apparently deciding to interpret “daylight horror” as “period piece where a Victorian-era noblewoman sleeps naked in a forest, then kills a guy with a rock for the crime of not running her over with his horse and carriage.” We unanimously did not know where the hell you were coming from. Please don’t return there.



Our HMs for this week go to SadisTech and Broenheim for creative and polished interpretations of the prompt that managed to hit on an emotional level, a feat that was rarely accomplished this week.

But this week’s title of Sun God goes to…





Morning Bell, who impressed all the judges with his wrenching tale of a man at the nonexistent mercy of his fellow diggers in the desert.

Sit on the throne, Morning Bell, you’ve earned it.

worlds_best_author
Aug 23, 2015


newtestleper posted:

You're a disgusting coward get the hell out of here

Ironic Twist posted:

But they were still better stories and closer to the prompt than newtestleper's, who takes the Loss this week for apparently deciding to interpret “daylight horror” as “period piece where a Victorian-era noblewoman sleeps naked in a forest, then kills a guy with a rock for the crime of not running her over with his horse and carriage.” We unanimously did not know where the hell you were coming from. Please don't return there.

Oh, sweet, sweet schadenfreude

Ironic Twist
Aug 3, 2008

THUNDERDOME LOSER



worlds_best_author posted:

Oh, sweet, sweet schadenfreude

1) Sure
2) Dude who are you

crabrock
Aug 2, 2002

aka sticklegs



Grimey Drawer

That's Benny the Snake's alt.

Sitting Here
Dec 31, 2007


Blood Empress of Thunderdome

Tap to emit spores


Clapping Larry

Also, lest anyone is in doubt, losing TD is like the opposite of cowardice.

worlds_best_author
Aug 23, 2015


Ironic Twist posted:

1) Sure
2) Dude who are you
https://youtu.be/1qiFjN3D8TU

Pham Nuwen
Oct 30, 2010



The Man from K.R.A.M.P.U.S.

Edit: Removed contents because we're submitting these things.

Pham Nuwen fucked around with this message at Nov 5, 2015 around 16:19

Guiness13
Feb 17, 2007

The best angel of all.

Flicker 238 Words

Removed for submission.

Final version can be found here if you're interested.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/...dit?usp=sharing

Guiness13 fucked around with this message at Nov 5, 2015 around 18:42

Morning Bell
Feb 23, 2006



Yams Fan

Thunderdome CLXVIII: She Stole My Wallet and My Heart

Han Solo, Moll Flanders, Ostap Bender, Falstaff. Captain Malcom Reynolds. The big-eared bartender from Deep Space Nine. sebmojo Tyrranosaurus Morning Bell. We love a loveable rogue. Partly by definition, because otherwise they'd just be a rogue, but also because we like a good tale about a cheeky law-breaker with a heart of gold.

This week, I would like you (yes, you!) to write me a story about a loveable rogue. Give me a charming bad-girl or bad-boy rascal who plays by their own rules. I want fun, adventure, intrigue! Swing off a chandelier, seduce that handsome prince, and make off with the Picasso he's got up in the study. Hop aboard a moving tram to escape that chess club you just swindled. Steal my new Camaro, crash it, but make me love you anyway.

Genre stories are obviously cool, so write about space swords or wizard oceans or dolphin-men if you want. It is also OK to write a non-genre story because you are a serious adult who owns an ironing board. Don't feel like you need to write an action piece. Do feel like you need a fun story and an interesting character who is a likable rule-breaker we are charmed by and root for. The loveable rogue is a common character trope so it'd be nice if folks stretched for some originality in other ways (but I know even us loveable rogues don't always get what we want).

Do not write fanfic or erotica.

Please write up to 1,300 words about your loveable rogue. Because loveable rogues in media are usually dudes, and because I will drown myself in wine if I read too much about smarmy cliché chucklefucks winking at sea princesses, you get 1,600 words instead if your loveable rogue is female.



I Play by My Own Rules
The rules this week:
Prompt: A story about a loveable rogue.
Word Limit: 1,600 if it's a female loveable rogue. 1,300 otherwise.

Signup Deadline: 2359 Pacific Time (PDT), Friday
Submission Deadline: 2359 Pacific Time (PDT), Sunday

We'll Catch You, Just You Wait!
Laying down the law this week will be our judges:
Morning Bell
Broenheim
RedTonic

Our Ne'er-Do-Wells
anime was right
newtestleper
Fumblemouse
Sitting Here
Killer-of-Lawyers
Chairchucker
Screaming Idiot
ZeBourgeoisie
MaggieTheCat
Mercedes
Thranguy
Bad Seafood
Lazy Beggar
dmboogie
Obliterati
Grizzled Patriarch
paranoid randroid
theblunderbuss
NIka
crabrock
Kaishai

Morning Bell fucked around with this message at Oct 24, 2015 around 04:00

anime was right
Jun 27, 2008

death is certain
keep yr cool


bye

anime was right fucked around with this message at Oct 27, 2015 around 06:00

newtestleper
Oct 30, 2003


IN

Fumblemouse
Mar 21, 2013


STANDARD
DEVIANT


Grimey Drawer

I am willing to submit a fragment of my autobiography, The Mouse Lay Down on Broadway for your internet writings competition.

Sitting Here
Dec 31, 2007


Blood Empress of Thunderdome

Tap to emit spores


Clapping Larry

in to write fanfiction about Rogue from x mans

Killer-of-Lawyers
Apr 22, 2008


Gotta redeem myself by trying to write about something else I have no clue how to do

IN!

Chairchucker
Nov 14, 2006

The man was stunningly well dressed. He had a smart looking jacket, and a really neat looking cape, the lining of which was shimmering and sparkling in more than Oriental splendour, which is a great deal of splendour indeed, just ask Kipling.

Sitting Here posted:

in to write erotic fanfiction about Rogue from x mans

I'm also in, BTW.

Screaming Idiot
Nov 26, 2007

The turtle moves.


Fun Shoe

[hastily edited-out dickpic]

IN

ZeBourgeoisie
Aug 8, 2013

THUNDERDOME
LOSER


I'll bite. In

MaggieTheCat
Nov 7, 2010


In

Mercedes
Mar 7, 2006

"So you Jesus?"

"And you black?"

"Nigga prove it!"

And so Black Jesus turned water into a bucket of chicken. And He saw that it was good.


I'll find the time to write about dis! In!

Thranguy
Apr 21, 2010

'Read over your compositions, and when you meet a passage which you think is particularly fine, strike it out.' -Samuel Johnson

I'm in

Bad Seafood
Dec 10, 2010

If you must blink, do it now.




In.

Lazy Beggar
Dec 9, 2011


In. Bitte.

Thranguy
Apr 21, 2010

'Read over your compositions, and when you meet a passage which you think is particularly fine, strike it out.' -Samuel Johnson

Black Sunshine MiniCrits

So, on the one hand, this wasn't an easy prompt to work with. But on the other hand, you were given a lot of words to use trying. A lot of stories left out something critical, like decent characterization, a payoff to established mystery elements, adequate foreshadowing or setup for a thematic shift, or a proper ending. Most of these same stories left literally hundreds of words on the table that could have done a lot to fix those problems.

The Salesman

I'm unimpressed by this one. I've seen several dome stories use “this character has a daughter” as though that were some kind of magic shortcut to characterization or reader sympathy. It doesn't work, it isn't nearly enough. A lot of general and generic words where specifics would serve better. No real characters, when you get down to it: the narrator is one-dimensional and everyone else barely exists. Gives no answers but doesn't make me care about the questions. And too much of the action takes place at night at that. This kind of story needs a much stronger ending than you're giving. Middle/Low Middle.

Nature's Blessing

Overwritten and cliche-ridden opening. Gets better, though. Effective gross-out style horror-maybe a little over the top. The Point of view here is a problem: the fully-omniscient third person isn't much seen in modern fiction for good reason. 'Head-hopping' between the characters keeps the reader distant from all of them, and you really need to have the reader strongly involved in and identifying with Jamie from the start. A lot of the beginning could be cut or condensed. Middle Pile.

Obelisk

I liked this one most of the way through. The character worked, the setting and description popped. But the ending burned through a lot of the goodwill the rest of the story earned. Last-minute point of view shifts don't work usually, and your mystery isn't nearly interesting enough to stand on it's own with no resolution. Middle group.

Snow Blind

Nameless characters. Not a good idea to have more than one, and you've got, what, six of them in the first couple paragraphs for the reader to juggle? And then you actually point out that the narrator didn't remember the cameraman's name? For all the story can say he doesn't know the names of anyone in his family, either. To make a line like that work there needs to be contrast. Once the story loses the other nameless characters it gets better, though. I don't care for the narrative structure, preferring first person to either be something digetic, a journal or something that exists in the world or to be told from a single point in time. Shifts like this story don't really work. This is the sort of point of view in which it is possible to write the worst possible first person ending. (“And then I died.”) At least you didn't quite do that but the story just stops rather than ending, leaving the narrator still in a nigh-hopeless situation. Middle group.

A Hole, or Maybe a Tunnel

Strong opening, good characterization and establishing a conflict. The title may be a little on the nose, and I'm not clear on what the motivation of the bosses is supposed to be here, (I tend to accept casual cruelty more readily than the kind of cruelty that involves no personal animus,massive effort and leaves the villain worse off), but this is a very strong story, Main caveat is that it may slightly miss the prompt: the story evokes outrage rather than fear. Also, I'm getting a sense that this is based on actual news stories that would fill in those holes if I were in that part of the world, holes that the text itself should have covered. My top pick of the week.

Eyes on Me

Characterization is weak. Sometimes a blank slate can work in horror, though. Hate the “why you shouldn't care about this other character” paragraph right before you kill that character. That's the opposite of what you should be doing. Another POV-shift ending. Also a somewhat unearned premise shift towards the end from 'this is a Joker-like psychopath playing games' to 'this is really a body-shifting possessing demon'. A story of this length really only has room for one of these high concepts. Low-middle.

You Didn't Deserve All This Gray

Catchy opening. It sort of almost deliberately leads the reader down multiple wrong paths before reaching the actual premise though, starting with s'tory from the point of view of a metastatic cancer' to 'some kind ofliteral sentient fungal infection thing' until we reach 'something supernatural involving color itself'. I caught at least one 'grey' near the end, something proofreading should have caught. I'm not sure what I think about this one. The narrator does some things with insufficient motivation, though. And I think that we're too deep in this alien point of view to evoke fear or any other emotion. Middle.

Reflections

“Extremity will do that, I suppose”. What does this even mean? So awkward it jars the reader right out of the story. 'airless' is another odd word choice. “Jack” and “John” are, apart from being the two most boring,generic names one could choose to name characters, far too close to each other to use in a story like this, where the reader needs to tell the two apart at all times. Give the kid a stronger diminutive name, like 'JJ' or 'Junior'. Overall, the story works well enough, as a creative alien horror story. High Middle, possible HM candidate.

Under a Thin Layer of Skin

Strong opening. Past perfect tense doesn't seem necessary or helpful, though. Characterization of the narrator is strong and economical. Another good story. Don't like the last paragraph at all. It doesn't do nearly enough to justify itself. I'd cut it entirely and not look back, but this story is already extremely short, leaving me thinking you could have done more with the idea here. Still, was on my HM list.

The Reddleman on the Barrow

Massively overwritten opening. Some might even say purple. Doesn't get better as it goes. Six paragraphs in before we get any idea what a reddleman might be, not until near the very end that the whole of it is clear. “shepherd's”?!? And on top of everything it makes no effort whatsoever to actually be any kind of horror story at all. My Lose candidate.

Purgatory

Clumsy opener, could be improved considerably by rewriting. We have a sort of passable, atmospheric Twilight-Zoney thing going on here. But, well, I'm left at the end without much of an idea as to exactly how this guy got into this state or why I should really care about him. And you're left with almost half of the available wordcount that could have gone to fixing that. On my DM list.

The Wedding of Form and Void

Opening paragraph: “Hey, look at how British my narrator is! Isn't that cool!” The second paragraph is even more annoying, with a monster sentence and piling more unlikeability onto the narrator. Whatever eerieness and unease that manages to be built up through the overwritten prose, you then erase for the sake of an (unfunny) punchline ending. (Whether that punchline is 'this guy has always been the sort to be attracted to faceless demons' or 'this guy has just had its soul eaten and rewritten by an elder demon and it had no obvious effect on his personality', it's still in the anti-horror area. This was the most divisive story among us this week; I'm the one who wanted it in the DM pile.

Autumnhold

Awful, awful first line. ('his hand that held the wheel' is a very awkward way of expressing that idea, and if you catch yourself using a colon, semicolon, or exclamation point in narrative prose, redraft the sentence until the problem goes away.) The atmosphere in the first part works, as does that in the second part, but the shift between them is far too abrupt and unforeshadowed, and by the end we don't really have much idea what made this happen in the first place-he seems aware of the problem from the start, but we're given no idea why, and you have hundreds of words left over to give that. Narrators/close POV characters who are keeping secrets from their readers never fail to irritate me. Low-Middle.

ZeBourgeoisie
Aug 8, 2013

THUNDERDOME
LOSER



Fcgc. But seriously thanks for the crits mate.

Screaming Idiot
Nov 26, 2007

The turtle moves.


Fun Shoe

!stirc eht rof sknahT

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dmboogie
Oct 4, 2013



In

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