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  • Locked thread
Masonity
Dec 31, 2007

What, I wonder, does this hidden face of madness reveal of the makers? These K'Chain Che'Malle?


A HM after my last 2 entries was a no show and a dishonourable? I'm definitely IN this week. Give me a flash rule too please!

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Thranguy
Apr 21, 2010

With love's light wings did I o'er-perch these walls,
For stony limits cannot hold
H U L K A M A N I A

SUPER SUMMERSLAM
THUNDERDOME 2019


In, with a flash rule please.

Le Woad
Dec 2, 2004

"What we gonna write today, pen? You think we should write an erotic dystopian cyber-thriller?! You crazy, pen."


In!

Thranguy
Apr 21, 2010

With love's light wings did I o'er-perch these walls,
For stony limits cannot hold
H U L K A M A N I A

SUPER SUMMERSLAM
THUNDERDOME 2019


JudgeMicroCrits for Bet week
(Wow; these look a lot smaller in the browser than in the word processor.)

I asked for one thing this week, and that was a bet. Not everybody gave me that.

I divided the stories into roughly equal-size groups: top, middle, and bottom. These are relative rankings.

ScreamingIdiot: High Stakes: A comma splice and homophone confusion (wretch/retch) right at the beginning is not a good sign, and proofreadable mistakes continued through the piece. The transition out of the flashback is a little rough, and overall, the main character isn't interesting enough to earn the ending. The namelessness of the characters doesn't help with this. Well in the bottom group.

Fausty: Between Friends: The opening paragraph was good, but the second was less clear than it needed to be in establishing that Martinus was the prisoner. Sins of this story include: not actually having a complete bet in it, lampshaded; a headhopping point of view; and a bit of enforced character stupidity to reach the ending. (Aulus is willing to lie to save his skin, so why couldn't he have come up with a better story about the entire incident. No living witnesses...). Middle of the pack.

Hocus Pocus: Sardines and Sunny Afternoons: There is, from the start, an excess of figurative language going on here, which only works if the images are strong and original, which, by and large these aren't. I got stuck on the line “He had Buckley's”, without enough context to give me any idea what was being talked about. Buckley's syndrome? Some kind of food? Something else entirely? Still, a nice story; in the top group.

hubris.height: The Rascal Mayor: There's a serious proofreading failure in the first line. (“sound are”). Continuing onwards are comma troubles, dropped apostrpohes, and generally muddled prose. And the story just abruptly ends, leaving one without a clear idea at all what the second call was about. In the bottom group.

the brotherly phl:The rear end of the universe: Almost 500 words over? A damned shame, that, since this was one of my favorite stories of the week. I do, however, deeply dislike titles whose authors have insisted on ignoring capitalization, even from e e cummings, and you're no e e cummings.. Disqualified, obviously.

spectres of autism:Destroyer of Worlds:Dragon Godhead: A weak opening. Weak prose throughout. It's probably possible to write a good story about VR Magic The GatheringYu-gi-oh as bloodsport.. That good story probably involves the protagonist coming into contact with a stronger action verb than 'sat' or 'reached' in the first page. Started out in the bottom group, and my opinion kept dropping constantly in retrospect.

Enchanted Hat:The last deal: Overall, a cute and competent story, although I couldn't ever successfully suspend my disbelief regarding the central conceit of the story, and I also had problems with these people not realizing that the SEC (or British equivalent if it's named differently their) would be completely up in their assess in a few days. Still, in the top group.

Masonity: Five Fingers: This was my personal favorite story of the week, with a more likeable protagonist than most of the others and strong dialog, using an unfamilar dialect and slang in a manner that is still clear to the reader.

Rap Three Times:The Gamble: The opening was nice. Some proofreading issues in the text. The only punctuation mark that has less business in narrative prose than a semicolon is the exclamation mark. The biggest problem is the complete and total absence of an actual bet anywhere in the story. Disqualified, would have been in the mediocre group otherwise.

Enterzahn:On the Bright Side: Strong opening, although I'd have found a way to drop 'as if he was'. It's distancing, and probably incorrect to grammar pedants who'd want something like 'as if he were' or 'as if he had been', which would both be even worse. Best to avoid entirely. Anyhow, a nice story, even though I can't really imagine the sort of world in which this thing would be remotely legal enough to use banking systems. In the top group.

Erogenous Beef: Shorted Out: Opening with a comma splice is never a great sign. But this is a strong story in general, although it sort of turns into a mess at the end. Probably could get considerably better outside of the word count. In the top group.

Benny Profane: The Hungriest Game: The opening was okay, although I don't like opening with a negative. I saw the central concept coming a mile away, although that was with the flash rule text. The action was good, but the characters were flat. Right in the middle initially, but this one grew on me a bit in retrospect.

docbeard: Painted Jezebel: Had a good, strong opening and followed through to a very good story. The ending callback doesn't quite work, probably because there's not enough setup to make sure the reader remembered the dollar. There's some 'one/won' homophone confusion near the end. Still, one of the top stories; in fact my second favorite by a very close margin.

Jagermonster: Big Enough: The opening starts off good, but sort of loses its way by the end of the paragraph. The narration seemed a bit flat, and the story didn't seem to be doing much at all. Middle of the pack.

Le Woad: God Doesn't Play Chess: Some proofread-catachable problems early on here, including comma splicing, punctuation in quotations, and a missing space or two. Overall a pleasant story, but the ending doesn't quite work, even considering the 'no-explain' part of the flash rule. It would really have helped, I think, to have revealed what Newton's payments on the earlier bets were. In the mediocre group.

Lake Jucas: To Tell the Truth: The opening was a bit overwritten, and there were some proofreading issues. The main problem, though, was that the ending came out of nowhere and was completely unearned and underforeshadowed. In the bottom group.

Jonked: Balcony Two of the Theater of the Mind: A promising opening harmed by a proofreading issue at the end of the first paragraph. ('wander' rather than 'wandered'). Tense shifts throughout the piece as well. Good, but not quite good enough to get out of the middle group.

Broenheim: Can't Put a Price on a Fool: Well, the opening was reasonably strong, but the plot was a deeply muddled mess that was both difficult to follow and not particularly rewarding either. With plenty of wordcount left over and indulgent descriptions of poor blackjack play to trim, you had plenty of room to improve clarity. My least favorite of the week.

curlingiron: Clean Slate: The opening was good, and the story itself was a strong one. But what it didn't have anywhere in it was any kind of actual bet. This was a well-written modern/non-supernatural version of a faerie bargain story, but that wasn't what I asked for, was it? Disqualified, would have been right on the edge between the top and middle groups.

Tyrannosaurus: Rugby Players Eat Their Dead: A strong opening and a strong story. But some points taken off for not really having a compete bet in it; there is nothing more at stake between the characters than there would have been if the word 'bet' hadn't been used. Still, in the top group.

Jcdent: Pushing Luck: I'm happy to have seen one and only one story about people supernaturally manipulating probability, just as I was to see one and only one story featuring the devil himself earlier. There were some proofreading issues and odd phrasings, though. ('game craps' rather than 'game of craps' or 'craps game' was the one that stuck out the most.) A moderately strong story, done in by predictability and technical faults down to the middle group.

Killer-of-Lawyers: The Sure Bet and the Tough Break: An interesting opening. Another story, though, that just barely fits the prompt. And one that just doesn't work in general, especially in the ending half. I had trouble buying a civilizational collapse, caused by computer failures, that leaves enough undermonitored processing power to sustain an obsolete AI anywhere. In the lower group.

-Late Entry-

skwidmonster:A Godly Wager: Very strong opening and story to follow. The setting is a bit confusing, though, since the mention of Romans puts it in our world rather than a secondary one but there's no room in our world for these gods and their holy army and such. They sort of feel Greek, but then it would be a Dionysius/Ares story, no? Is having a female protagonist worth leaving actual gods that precisely fit the story on the table? Would have been in the upper middle area.

Thranguy fucked around with this message at Jun 10, 2015 around 15:02

JcDent
May 13, 2013

Give me a rifle, one round, and point me at Berlin!


In. Flash me.

Thranguy posted:

Jcdent: Pushing Luck: I'm happy to have seen one and only one story about people supernaturally manipulating probability, just as I was to see one and only one story featuring the devil himself earlier. There were some proofreading issues and odd phrasings, though. ('game craps' rather than 'game of craps' or 'craps game' was the one that stuck out the most.) A moderately strong story, done in by predictability and technical faults down to the middle group.

So I guess I should feel bad about the supernatural angle, huh?

docbeard
Jul 18, 2011

High marks for compassion, low marks for survival skills





Masonity posted:

A HM after my last 2 entries was a no show and a dishonourable? I'm definitely IN this week. Give me a flash rule too please!

A time limit with deadly consequences must factor.

Thranguy posted:

In, with a flash rule please.

A significant portion of your story occurs underwater.

JcDent posted:

In. Flash me.

Reflected objects turn out to be much, much larger than they appear.

take the moon
Feb 12, 2011



well, my first brawl is something i guess

newtestleper
Oct 30, 2003


In,

Screaming Idiot
Nov 26, 2007

The turtle moves.


Fun Shoe

In a world gone mad, one man shall arise to take the Thunderdome by storm.

crabrock
Aug 2, 2002


Grimey Drawer

Masonity posted:

A HM after my last 2 entries was a no show and a dishonourable? I'm definitely IN this week. Give me a flash rule too please!

all the judges last week were the worst. especially seadoof, who may as well be named poopdoof and be smeared on the bottom of a common park bench for ladies to accidentally touch and squeal in disgust. my opinion is the only one that matters now. Let's see how your story holds up to a real judge:

Masonity posted:

Five Fingers
1143 words

It was a cold february afternoon in London oh cool thanks for telling me all of this stuff instead of showing me., but the tourists were out in force anyway as I battled my way down Oxford Street with Mark and Andy. there's a hell of a lot of information in this opening sentence, and it's a bit clunky
“So, you gonna do it today?” Mark asked.
“Nah, he don’t have the bottle” Andy jibed. cool saidbookisms. also maybe it's different in britainland, but here it would be "gibed," as "jibed" means "to agree. “He ain’t one of us. No balls!”
The little stinkyhole. I’ll show him. using present tense as its own sentence in a past tense story seems out of place. just change it to "I'd show him." or italicize it. I thought before retorting missing punctuation “That’s not what your mum said last night!” oh neat, one of the most cliche comebacks in the world

A your-mum joke. Classic. is he deriding himself for his own joke? or serious? hard to tell if sarcasm or not. The dead arm I got in return was definitely worth it.
What can I say? I was 14 years old.

“So, I’m here ain’t I? You said if I could win a bet, I could hang around with you lot. I’m fed up of those loving nerds in the library.”
“Easy.” Mark said, turning onto Regents Street. “If you want to be one of us, you need a proper yoyo. Not one of those poo poo £10 ones like you have. Look at this! A Yomega 1500, double bearings, metal tipped, it’ll sleep for 30 seconds, easy! Oi, tosspot, show him yours!”
“Yoyojam 200. £80 in the shops, led lights, and it came with a little booklet with tons of cool tricks” Andy said, pulling out some flashy monstrosity.
“Oh come on guys, I aint typo got that kinda cash. How the gently caress did you afford it anyway?” when you have 3 people talking it's safer to include some dialogue attribution or i have to think too hard.
“Five-finger discount!” Mark grinned. “If you buy it, it doesn’t count anyway.”

One note before we continue: stop using interjections in front of your dialogue so much. It actually detracts from what is being said. Look back, "So," "nah," "so,", "oh." Don't do that. It's pretty natural for it to slip in when writing, but should be one of the first things you delete out on editing.
---

I tried to keep myself composed as we walked into Hamleys. The guys had briefed me on their best tricks. Pick up two at a time and slip one up your sleeve. Walk around the shop first. The lifts don’t have cameras. Spend some time downstairs with the video games. Act confident. You’ll be fine. Just don’t think about being caught. Keep an eye out for undercover security. But don’t look like you are looking for them. Simple, right?

I walked across to the yoyos. "Beever 62 with silver rims?" so I assume your narrator is saying this, but it seems to clash with his describing the fancy yo yo as a "monstronsity." I thought he'd like simple poo poo and not really understand this stuff, but apparently he can pick one up and know rear end sorts of poo poo about it. I picked it up, felt the weight, then dropped it again. "One of these £60 mass produced showyos in the plastic coverings maybe?"
“What about a wasp sting?” Mark asked.
“Devil tails are cool too. £100 each!” Andy suggested as we rifled through the collection. i'm getting pretty bored of you just making up names for yo yos. or worse, actually putting real yo yo names in there. It's just like... pointless. I really doing care and as soon as i've read the name i've forgotten it, because they mean nothing to me.
“Nah, this is what I like!” I said, finally spotting the yoyo for me. Jeeze, way to just straight up tell me in the most boring way. you should have had him pick it up and then SHOW me how loving awesome it is through his experience of it. Simple, elegant, and £300. “The Luna Wind.” I picked one up with my right hand, then used my body to shield my left hand while showing it to them. “Just a shame I can’t afford it. Maybe next week? Fancy trying some games?” I asked, making a show of placing the yoyo back on the suddenly slightly DOUBLE ADVERB ATTACK emptier shelf.

We walked through the shop, accosted by magicians, magic UFO flyers and bubble gun pushers, my left hand half concealed in my coat. “I recon they have the latest ISS on the playstations wtf is this? down there. I’ll kick your rear end, playing as Man City!” I taunted, nuding Andy ew, what? in the side.
“Is it properly concealed?” Mark whispered, keeping between me and the cameras.
“Yeah, we’re good!” I mumbled. “Lets just blend in for a bit, play some footy then get out of here.”
“Not until you calm down.” he replied. “You try to leave like that and security will be all over you. Seriously, someone get a mop. Your this kid has bad grammar loving sweating buckets!”

You are having some proof reading troubles here. Also, this section is mostly boring as poo poo. it's a kid looking at a pile of yo yos and saying their names. then they talk about some more toys. your characters are SAYING all the interesting things that should be actions, and saying very little else that's actually interesting.

---

“You two go ahead, I’m not ready to do this!” I told the guys. some day i'll lecture you about saying exactly what you mean. Like right now, in fact. Don't do it. Your characters shouldn't be just saying exactly what they're thinking at any given moment. Sure, that moves stories along, but it's really boring to leave. Here you could have had your char like, stalling and trying to not get these two tough kids to notice, really flesh him out a bit but instead he's just like, telegraphing everything. “I’ll meet you in McDonalds down the road in ten minutes. I need to compose myself.” didn't you already use "compose myself" as a description earlier?
“Yeah, gently caress you. We’ll be there for a bit, but seriously? Your bottles gone. We wouldn’t leave with you anyway!” Andy jibed as they walked off. A. You need to have a dialogue attribution much earlier in this string of sentences. 4 sentences without knowing who said it is way too long. B. loving "jibed" again, really? are you literally using a saidbook?

I watched them walk to the doorboring, then tried myself, awkward a few yards behind them. it sounds like you just ate yourself The security guard caught my eye straight away, grinning. this is weird. why is he grinning? I took a few more steps forward, then looped back, making out missing word? should there be "like" in here, or is that a weird britishism? I had forgotten something. They were out. Free. I knew they had something up their sleeves. could show this rather than tell, because right now you haven't shown them stealing anything so it's just like "um, ok?" I was probably meant as bait all along. Let the nerdy kid get caught, and they walk away with whatever they can carry. I pushed the yoyo back out my sleeve, tucking it onto a shelf behind a Power Ranger toy. I spent the next few minutes trying to look busy, then attempted to leave, this time without anything hidden.

“Hey there punctuation son!” I heard, as a firm hand gripped my shoulder. “We’ve been watching you. Come with me. ending quotation mark? who is saying it? i'm assuming the security guard, but you say "we" so it's a little confusing and unclear.

---

“I’ve not got anything!” I declared, sweat dripping off my brow. i'm assuming the double negative is a purposeful stylistic choice?
“We know son. We watched you put it down. But you was trying to steal it, wasn’t you? £300 those beauties cost. Why? Why risk getting in all that trouble?” The guard asked. the should be lowercased.
“Some bigger kids sent me in.” I explained. “They made me do it. Said they’d beat me up otherwise. Please, I had to. Please don’t call my Mum. I’ll be in so much trouble. And I didn’t actually steal it, did I?” I pled. you don't need this second attribution. it doesn't add anything and i already know it's you talking. you are literally pleading, adding pled doesn't do anything.
“You know what? It’s your lucky day. One time offer. Get out of jail free punctuation kid.” The guard grinned. “Tell you the truth? I was bullied in school too. oh jesus christ. You know what to do next time they tell you to do something like that? Bite their loving nose. Bite the fucker off. No-one will ever mess with you again!” he laughed. “But don’t ever loving come near my shop with any intention to nick anything, ever again. Right?”

and here is missing any sort of reaction from your narrator.... neat. (not really, this is sarcasm). you have this incredibly stressful climax, and then a guy is like "ha, nah it's cool, we'll let you go" and literally don't even have your character sigh or anything. just nothing. what a waste.

---

“So, you bottled it?” Mark asked.
“Told you he was a wanker!” Andy laughed. “Probably has to change his pants too. We saw them grab you by the door, you must have dumped it first or you wouldn’t be here!”
“How?” I asked. it sounds like he's asking how he dumped it. I assume you mean "how did you see me," based on the next line. so you should just type that out to make it clear.
“Watched from over the street. That’s the point of it. If you can’t walk out, you aint in!” Mark explained.
“But I thought the bet was getting an expensive yoyo?” I asked. “Without paying for it? Come on, show us your haul!”
Mark pulled three £30 yoyos out of his sleeve. “I coulda got a dearer one, but I wanted to show you the ropes. Didn’t realise you’d balls it all up!” He sneered. “Show him what you got Andy!”
Andy pulled out a polished wooden yoyo. “Real oak! £70! A year 10 offered me £30 for one of these!” he laughed.
“Then I guess I win!” I grinned. “Nine hundred quid. On my first trip. Either I’m in, or you fuckers aren’t good for a bet!”
“Go on, show us then!” Andy said, furrowing his brows. I reached over, into his right hand coat pocket, and pulled out three Luna Winds. so counting the one that he put back, this store just had £1200 worth of easily stealable merchandise just out to be fondled by petty thieves? it is really hard to suspend my disbelief when loving CVS locks up their $30 shampoo.
“I knew I’d bottle it.” I explained. “So I slipped these into your pocket, then put on a nice little show for the security. Slipped you lot straight through, then I just had to give you time to get away. So, I’m in?”

and again, no reactions...

Since this was Tharanguy's favorite story, I'm going to guess that the other two judges felt closer to how I did.... I think you got lucky with that HM. You have a SHITLOAD of typos and punctuation errors in this... including wrong words at times. You use saidbookisms like they're going out of style, even when totally unnecessary.

but the biggest problem is that your characters aren't really characters, they're cardboard cutouts. What do i know about your characters? narrator (no name) wants to hang out with some kids... why? the two kids... don't want him to hang out? why? security guard, was bullied in school and bites people's noses? that's literally more than I know about your three main chars. You spend more time talking about yo yos than fleshing out your characters. You could easily smash mark and andy into one char and reduce a lot of the awkward 3-way dialogue. there's no reason to have them be two separate people as both of them are the same stereotypical kid. Neither of them has a separate personality.

pacing wise this story is decent. You have a conflict and a resolution, which puts you far ahead of a lot of domers, even ones who have been here a while and write a pretty sentence. The story isn't terribly original, but it is tidy and neat. If you had actual characterization and dialogue that was fun to read and not just the people saying what they were feeling or doing exposition through dialogue to move the story along, it would be much stronger.

A lot of your details don't matter. Why did you waste the time to tell me it was cold and in february, when that matters absolutely nothing to the story? Same with street names, and most of the yo yo names (should have only mentioned the luna wind, really). These are all wasted opportunities to spend some of that word count telling me stuff that DOES matter, like what your characters are doing/saying/thinking.

on an individual sentence level you need a lot more work, for clarity and grammar. that's the stuff the dome works the best on, so keep at it and don't get cocky from this HM.

Bad Seafood
Dec 10, 2010

If you must blink, do it now.


chumprock, nature's gimp posted:

all the judges last week were the worst. especially seadoof, who may as well be named poopdoof and be smeared on the bottom of a common park bench for ladies to accidentally touch and squeal in disgust. my opinion is the only one that matters now. Let's see how your story holds up to a real judge:

Bad Seafood
Dec 10, 2010

If you must blink, do it now.


But seriously, there was actually a fair bit of division between the judges on some stories. Be sure to read everyone's crits as some of you will get wildly different takes from all of us.

Ironic Twist
Aug 3, 2008

I'm bokeh, you're bokeh


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uuWQyfGa1yI

In, , flash.

hubris.height
Jan 6, 2005



Pork Pro


this is the best thing every time i'm reminded of it

Sitting Here
Dec 31, 2007


Blood Empress of Thunderdome

Tap to emit spores


Clapping Larry

hello domers this is a special announcement speaking

I am looking for volunteers. A few people are trying to put together an entertainingly constructive fiction workshop podcast. And we thought, man, we have hundreds of writers and thousands of stories right here in Thunderdome!!! Wow! So, what I need is for people to volunteer their stories to be read and critiqued. It will be especially helpful if we can get ahold of some stories that didn't do so well in their week. Thunderdome is a fantastic resource for what we're trying to do, but we don't want to read anything without the permission of the authors! So here I am, holding my hat out to you, goons.

Please, quote this post, PM me, or hop onto #Thunderdome on IRC if you're interested in helping out with a story. We can't do it without your help. Don't be be instead

Djeser
Mar 22, 2013



WEEK 148 CRITS PART 1

Before I pass out the first set of crits, let's sit down and talk about one of the many problems you guys had this week.

Characters.

I loving hated your characters. This happened in too many stories to name names, but I had to read about so many smarmy, unrepentant assholes this week that I could have taken your stories and given them to my rich neighbors and they would have loved them. A character is the reason why I care about a story's conflict. Whether I want that character to succeed or fail, I'm invested in the conflict because I care about what happens to the character. Stories are like short-circuiting your brain's social functions and forcing it to identify with someone that doesn't even exist, and that's hella rad.

But here's the thing: if I don't care about the character, I'm not going to identify with them, and I'm not going to give a poo poo about the conflict, and I'm just going to get angrier the more I read. So make me care. Show me why this person is someone I should be interested in. Show me that they're more than Gambling Stereotype 5, that they've got desires and emotions. If you want to read someone who actually managed to make me care about a character, check out Tyrannosaurus's story. It's going to get its due soon, but one thing it does really well is making me care.

In literary terms, I want to be able to identify with your characters' motivations. This means I have to know your characters' motivations. Some of you failed to do that. This also means I have to think your characters' motivations elevate them above the level of "blatant rear end in a top hat". Some of you also failed to do that. A character can be a lovable rear end in a top hat, but if you want to do that, there has to be elements of their character that aren't just "rear end in a top hat".

So, the crits. If your name's below, you're in the doc. I've also put what I'd have given you if I was the only judge next to your names.
Screaming Idiot
Fausty
Hocus Pocus (DM)
hubris.height (DM)
the brotherly phl (DQ)
spectres of autism (Loser)
https://docs.google.com/document/d/...dit?usp=sharing

Djeser fucked around with this message at Jun 9, 2015 around 23:22

SquirrelFace
Dec 17, 2009


In. flash rule please.

theblunderbuss
Jul 4, 2010

I find dead men rout
more easily.


I'm in. Flash me.

SlipUp
Sep 30, 2006

THUNDERDOME LOSER 2019


in

docbeard
Jul 18, 2011

High marks for compassion, low marks for survival skills






Only your protagonist knows the horrible truth.

SquirrelFace posted:

In. flash rule please.

Someone is a double agent. BUT WHO?

theblunderbuss posted:

I'm in. Flash me.

Your story does not end on the same continent on which it started.

JcDent
May 13, 2013

Give me a rifle, one round, and point me at Berlin!


Sitting Here posted:

hello domers this is a special announcement speaking

I am looking for volunteers. A few people are trying to put together an entertainingly constructive fiction workshop podcast. And we thought, man, we have hundreds of writers and thousands of stories right here in Thunderdome!!! Wow! So, what I need is for people to volunteer their stories to be read and critiqued. It will be especially helpful if we can get b. Thunderdome is a fantastic resource for what we're trying to do, but we don't want to read anything without the permission of the authors! So here I am, holding my hat out to you, goons.

Please, quote this post, PM me, or hop onto #Thunderdome on IRC if you're interested in helping out with a story. We can't do it without your help. Don't be be instead

I qualify! Sure, take them, rip them to shreds, let them burn away in the harsh light of internet criticism!

Rap Three Times
Aug 2, 2013

Thrice, not twice, nay not four times either.

Grimey Drawer

Thanks for the crit Hocus Pocus and thanks to the judges.

I'm in for the next run and I'll stick closer to the prompt this time. Maybe.

Screaming Idiot
Nov 26, 2007

The turtle moves.


Fun Shoe

Thank you very much for the crit, Djeser. I will take your advice.

Jonked
Feb 15, 2005

by exmarx


I'm in.

Blue Wher
Apr 27, 2010

The Smart Baseball Dargon Sez:

"Baseball is chaos!"

His bat is signed by Carl "Yaz" Yastrzemski


skwidmonster posted:

Come on dude, gently caress you. You're lucky you even got mercy, not only did you get your toxx waived but you got an extension and STILL flubbed. I mean, I know I don't have the greatest track record, but at least I always turn loving SOMETHING in.

You know what, I'm pissed off at you, blue wher, you wriggled your way out of a brawl and managed to bitch about it anyway. Let's go, you and me, a legitimate brawl with a . Any hardass judges wanna crack down on a couple of procrastinators?

Now that I'm home and settled. Bring it.

docbeard posted:

Week CXLIX: Thrilling Adventure!


In with mando Also Flash me

hubris.height
Jan 6, 2005



Pork Pro

Thank you for the crits! I really appreciate that you took the time to do that.

crabrock
Aug 2, 2002


Grimey Drawer

Brawl: WherMonster

oh hey u guys.

Ok so here's the score, both of you have 6 stories that haven't been DQed for some reason. Both of you have 1 brawl loss. One of you has 2 DMs, and the other has nothing. Slight advantage to BlueWher, but easily anybody's brawl here, so don't save this til the last minute, and ACTUALLY WRITE YOUR rear end OFF.

Prompt: too little, too late.

that's it. do with that what you will, but god dammit if I can't see that in your story I'll be loving angry.

words: 800

due: Wednesday, June 17, 2015 11:59 pm EST.

StealthArcher
Jan 10, 2010
Probation
Can't post for 7 days!


Nap Ghost

crabrock posted:

Brawl: WherMonster

oh hey u guys.

Ok so here's the score, both of you have 6 stories that haven't been DQed for some reason. Both of you have 1 brawl loss. One of you has 2 DMs, and the other has nothing. Slight advantage to BlueWher, but easily anybody's brawl here, so don't save this til the last minute, and ACTUALLY WRITE YOUR rear end OFF.

Prompt: too little, too late.

that's it. do with that what you will, but god dammit if I can't see that in your story I'll be loving angry.

words: 800

due: Wednesday, June 17, 2015 11:59 pm EST.

I should write a story about you being angrier and angrier at people writing bad stories and getting off for it until everything blows up around you and the end of my story is just an mp3 of a Morgan freeman impression lamenting the loss of earth to crabrock.


On the other hand nah.

SkaAndScreenplays
Dec 11, 2013

by FactsAreUseless


In
No Toxx this time unless it's mandated by Mods.

Anyone else who flubbed quit bitching...especially if you got out of a toxx. Pay your and learn your lesson.

SkaAndScreenplays fucked around with this message at Jun 10, 2015 around 08:40

newtestleper
Oct 30, 2003


The OP that you clearly haven't read posted:


If you have anymore questions, consider popping into #Thunderdome on synIRC instead of blithering on in the thread.

Kaishai
Nov 3, 2010

Scoffing at modernity.

SkaAndScreenplays posted:

At work, and I have no clue how to make IRC work, or what the domain is for SA IRC.

If you go to this page, you should be able to chat on IRC via your browser. Click on "Webchat" and put #thunderdome in the channel box when prompted.

crabrock
Aug 2, 2002


Grimey Drawer

StealthArcher posted:

I should write a story about you being angrier and angrier at people writing bad stories and getting off for it until everything blows up around you and the end of my story is just an mp3 of a Morgan freeman impression lamenting the loss of earth to crabrock.

skwidmonster
Mar 31, 2015

THUNDERDOME LOSER


Sitting Here posted:

hello domers this is a special announcement speaking

Dude, literally any of my stories. Go for it.

skwidmonster
Mar 31, 2015

THUNDERDOME LOSER


crabrock posted:

Brawl: WherMonster

I'm so loving stoked for this, you have no idea. For you, crabby, I'll write all week.

Megazver
Jan 13, 2006


gently caress it, in. Flash me.

kurona_bright
Mar 21, 2013


Sitting Here posted:

hello domers this is a special announcement speaking

I am looking for volunteers. A few people are trying to put together an entertainingly constructive fiction workshop podcast. And we thought, man, we have hundreds of writers and thousands of stories right here in Thunderdome!!! Wow! So, what I need is for people to volunteer their stories to be read and critiqued. It will be especially helpful if we can get ahold of some stories that didn't do so well in their week. Thunderdome is a fantastic resource for what we're trying to do, but we don't want to read anything without the permission of the authors! So here I am, holding my hat out to you, goons.

Please, quote this post, PM me, or hop onto #Thunderdome on IRC if you're interested in helping out with a story. We can't do it without your help. Don't be be instead
I know I haven't actually entered in a couple of weeks, but feel free to sprinkle all the salt you want on the slugs that are my stories. And I would totally listen to a goon-run fiction podcast, you have no idea.

docbeard
Jul 18, 2011

High marks for compassion, low marks for survival skills





Blue Wher posted:

In with mando Also Flash me

Your story contains a high-speed chase. None of the vehicles involved in this chase are cars.

Megazver posted:

gently caress it, in. Flash me.

An ancient mystery must factor.

hubris.height
Jan 6, 2005



Pork Pro

missed the thunderdome podcast question, but feel free to crit any of my works

i really don't think they're bad enough to be entertaining but thats for you to decide

docbeard
Jul 18, 2011

High marks for compassion, low marks for survival skills





ATTENTION

Since we've got a few folks ing this time, I wanted to make something clear.

It is common for people under the toxx gun to be given a little bit of leniency with the final deadline for submission. This is custom, rather than law. However, I am maintaining this tradition this week, with one difference: everyone is getting a relaxed deadline. (Monday morning, rather than Sunday night.) Not only are you getting all that extra time, you're not even going to eat a DQ for taking advantage of it! Now that's what I call a bargain!

If you are counting on having even more time than that to avoid the toxxecutioner's axe, well, I can't tell you what to do, it's your . If putting your faith in my goodwill at stupid o'clock on Monday morning seems like a good idea to you, then by all means!

Or, you know, get your poo poo in on time. Either or.

Please direct any questions or concerns about this special judge announcement to the complaints department, conveniently located up your own rear end.

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Masonity
Dec 31, 2007

What, I wonder, does this hidden face of madness reveal of the makers? These K'Chain Che'Malle?


Erotica is banned from the thread sir. Please, no entreaties to auto-erotic anal stimulation.

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