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flerp
Feb 25, 2014

THUNDERDOME LOSER 2019


Screaming Idiot posted:

I'm a Special Little Snowflake, Please Look at Me

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flerp
Feb 25, 2014

THUNDERDOME LOSER 2019


LOU BEGAS MUSTACHE posted:

benny maybe you should learn how to read before you learn how to write dude

relevant: Benny the Snake crit

flerp
Feb 25, 2014

THUNDERDOME LOSER 2019


Please no erotica

flerp
Feb 25, 2014

THUNDERDOME LOSER 2019


ty for the crit sebmojo

flerp
Feb 25, 2014

THUNDERDOME LOSER 2019


Around 100 words.

This Cold-Blooded Generation

"And here's the Lizard Boys with their hit single, Amniotic Egg."

Joseph couldn't stand this new musical revolution. He was old fashioned - loved the stylings of Journey and Stix. That was good music. Not this instant gratification poo poo.

"Girl, I could eat you up like a fly," the radio played.

Joseph spit out the car window. Disgusting. This hook-up culture, hundreds of eggs found every day in dumpster. Such a waste of life.

He didn't hate lizards though. Some of his best friends were lizards. But this whole culture is dirty.

"I can't wait to internally fertilize you baby"

flerp
Feb 25, 2014

THUNDERDOME LOSER 2019


Inanis is the goddess of nothingness. When the universe was created, she saw the evil that it really was. She now spins the wheel of time, bringing things closer and closer to its inevitable nothingness, even herself.

(also )

flerp
Feb 25, 2014

THUNDERDOME LOSER 2019


PHIZ KALIFA posted:

Problem, I went and dreamed too huge and now I'm at 2,400ish words and I'm almost nearly complete. I'm thinking I should take 1500 of these and polish them up for submission, and link the rest of the story in a google doc when it's completed, how does that sound? What's the protocol here?

cut it down to 1500 words like everyone else then post it like everyone else

flerp
Feb 25, 2014

THUNDERDOME LOSER 2019


1050 words

Feat. Docbeard’s Alothaa + My Inanis

Time Heals All Wounds

http://writocracy.com/thunderdome/?...eals+All+Wounds

flerp fucked around with this message at Jul 27, 2015 around 02:53

flerp
Feb 25, 2014

THUNDERDOME LOSER 2019


https://writocracy.com/thunderdome/?week=114 i think

flerp
Feb 25, 2014

THUNDERDOME LOSER 2019


in

flerp
Feb 25, 2014

THUNDERDOME LOSER 2019


Yeah, no story this week

flerp
Feb 25, 2014

THUNDERDOME LOSER 2019


Interprompt: That's a lot of bees

200 words

I'll crit them i guess

flerp
Feb 25, 2014

THUNDERDOME LOSER 2019


Offering three (3) line crits for my pitiful failure last week. Just link me your story and ill give it it you.

Also that they will be finished by next saturday

Edit: Currently 2 are taken up by sebmojo and ent, pm or post in thread if you want the last one

edit 2: none more, maybe you shouldve payed attention, huh?

flerp fucked around with this message at Mar 5, 2015 around 10:20

flerp
Feb 25, 2014

THUNDERDOME LOSER 2019


Broenheim posted:

Offering three (3) line crits for my pitiful failure last week. Just link me your story and ill give it it you.

Also that they will be finished by next saturday

Edit: Currently 2 are taken up by sebmojo and ent, pm or post in thread if you want the last one

there's still one (1) more opening if anyone of you want me to read your word wanks

edit: too late losers

flerp fucked around with this message at Mar 5, 2015 around 10:19

flerp
Feb 25, 2014

THUNDERDOME LOSER 2019


Screaming Idiot posted:

I wouldn't mind a crit if the offer's still open, Broenheim.

the one you just posted or an earlier one?

flerp
Feb 25, 2014

THUNDERDOME LOSER 2019


Crits for Sebmojo Entenzahn and Screaming Idiot

https://docs.google.com/document/d/...dit?usp=sharing

Overall, thank you for not writing horrible stories, and consider my fulfilled

also

flerp
Feb 25, 2014

THUNDERDOME LOSER 2019


in

flerp
Feb 25, 2014

THUNDERDOME LOSER 2019


PSA for Sebmojo Entenzahn and Screaming Idiot : I hosed up with the google docs and forgot to make it so that you can see the comments. You should (hopefully) be able to see them now, so you might want to check it again.

Here's the link if you don't want to go looking for it.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/...dit?usp=sharing

flerp
Feb 25, 2014

THUNDERDOME LOSER 2019


1383 words

Self Portrait

http://writocracy.com/thunderdome/?...trait%3C%2Fi%3E

flerp fucked around with this message at Jul 27, 2015 around 02:55

flerp
Feb 25, 2014

THUNDERDOME LOSER 2019


Interprompt: disaster at the high seas

200 words

flerp
Feb 25, 2014

THUNDERDOME LOSER 2019


Hell yeah, totally in

flerp
Feb 25, 2014

THUNDERDOME LOSER 2019


ty 4 crit trex

flerp
Feb 25, 2014

THUNDERDOME LOSER 2019


im in with a

flerp
Feb 25, 2014

THUNDERDOME LOSER 2019


since i failed to submit (again) i once again offer 3 line-by-line crits, with a being placed that I will finish them by next sunday. this is for any week, just link me to your story and ill be happy to crit 'em.

edit: two taken up by curlingiron and doctor idle, still one left for my super awesome crits

edit 2: all gone

flerp fucked around with this message at Mar 25, 2015 around 21:54

flerp
Feb 25, 2014

THUNDERDOME LOSER 2019


Broenheim posted:

since i failed to submit (again) i once again offer 3 line-by-line crits, with a being placed that I will finish them by next sunday. this is for any week, just link me to your story and ill be happy to crit 'em.

edit: two taken up by curlingiron and doctor idle, still one left for my super awesome crits

By the way, there's still a line-by-line crit for one lucky domer. Sign up today!

edit: sorry, but they're all gone not actually sorry

flerp fucked around with this message at Mar 25, 2015 around 21:54

flerp
Feb 25, 2014

THUNDERDOME LOSER 2019


Don't Want it Anymore

http://writocracy.com/thunderdome/?...Want+It+Anymore

flerp fucked around with this message at Jul 27, 2015 around 02:52

flerp
Feb 25, 2014

THUNDERDOME LOSER 2019


Week Too Lazy To Look Back at Last Prompt: Well gently caress Me Then

Well then, cool. I guess I won, and with a happy story. But now I'm going to have to read all your stories, and have it be the worst day of my life. So that's exactly what you're going to write about. Write me a story about somebody's worst day. Simple, right. Probably got this cool idea about how the protagonist's mom died, and then his dad died, and then his dog and cat, too huh. Haha, that's not going to happen. There can be no death of any characters, not even implied. Other then that, go full hog, except with the usual caveats. No fanfict, erotica, etc.

I'm going to have a special focus on character this week, so write me a story with one that I actually care about.

Wordcount: 1500
Sign-up deadline: Midnight PST Friday April 3rd
Submission deadline: Midnight PST Sunday April 5th

The Worst Day Havers:
Me
SitingHere
Enterzohn

The Worst Day Makers:
ZeBourgeoisie
SadisTech
Killer-of-Lawyers
Thyrork
Doctor Idle
A Classy Ghost
Grizzled Patriarch
Something Else
kurona_bright
spectres of autism
Franco Potente
Wangless Wonder
hotsoupdinner
Screaming Idiot
Ironic Twist
Skwidmonster
Benny Profane
Tyrannosaurus
God Over Djinn
newtestleper
Pete Zah

flerp fucked around with this message at Apr 5, 2015 around 22:00

flerp
Feb 25, 2014

THUNDERDOME LOSER 2019


Sitting Here posted:

I would like to offer my scarred and mottled judging gavel to your cause, Broenheim.

Either your very brave or very stupid, but I accept your help.

flerp
Feb 25, 2014

THUNDERDOME LOSER 2019


Little more then 24 hours to sign up!

flerp
Feb 25, 2014

THUNDERDOME LOSER 2019


Got 6 hours until signups close!

also need one more judge if someone wants in, pm or post in thread

not actually a skull joke

flerp
Feb 25, 2014

THUNDERDOME LOSER 2019


Signups are now closed!

flerp
Feb 25, 2014

THUNDERDOME LOSER 2019


little more then 6 hours to submit!

flerp
Feb 25, 2014

THUNDERDOME LOSER 2019


this has nothing to do with this week but my crits for Curling Iron Doctor Idle and Pete Zah are here: https://docs.google.com/document/d/...dit?usp=sharing

flerp
Feb 25, 2014

THUNDERDOME LOSER 2019


1 hour left! Get your stories in!

flerp
Feb 25, 2014

THUNDERDOME LOSER 2019


OMG 10 MINUTES TO SUBMIT!

flerp
Feb 25, 2014

THUNDERDOME LOSER 2019


and with that submissions close!

please speculate on the speed and/or quality of the judging

flerp
Feb 25, 2014

THUNDERDOME LOSER 2019


poo poo Week Results

This week was rough. A lot of stories just weren’t there, and most of them were plagued with a unlikable characters which hurts a lot of stories.

The loser for this week has to go to Killer-of-Lawyers, who wrote a boring story about talking heads that didn’t make sense. It also confirmed its lose by reminding me off a creepy manga I read once so gently caress you for that.

The Dishonorable Mentions go to A Classy Ghost, for writing an attempt at humor that I didn’t realize was funny until I was almost finished with the story and still wasn’t funny, and Something Else, which I personally though was O.K., but my other judges hated the dude bro humor and gently caress-up that is Lance which I don’t object to.

Honorable mentions go to Ironic Twist for writing a story with a strong character that the judges tired (and failed) to completely understand, but is still good and strong nonetheless. The other honorable mention is SadisTech for writing a gritty and strong story about how I poo poo my own pants

Winner this week easily goes to God Over Djinn for writing a fantastic story that used second-person to make a poignant story with very strong themes. A very good story in a week of meh.

Good luck Djinn! Crits will be up tomorrow or whatever idk

flerp
Feb 25, 2014

THUNDERDOME LOSER 2019


oh yeah i forgot, hotsoupdinner is DQed. He knows what he did

flerp
Feb 25, 2014

THUNDERDOME LOSER 2019


Crits for Please Write Likable Characters Week #139

Thyrork - Tiny Tyrant
How Bad was the Day: It was pretty bad.
Character(s): Bad and boring
Was it a story: Yes
Where it stands: Low, not enough to get DM though
Comments:
- this is a really basic sentence fragment - “Struggling to not let the turmoil of emotions get the better of him.” (who’s the subject?) with errors in the intro, not a good sign
- I do not like the writing style of this story, it just doesn’t feel good.
- i feel like there are more errors in this story, but i'm too tired to point them all out
- its pretty hard to write compelling characters when it comes to nobility due to the formalities. it’s possible, but it requires a great deal of subtle details that were missing in this story.


hotsoupdinner - One Round in the Chamber
How Bad was the Day: Painful at least.
Character(s): Decent, could’ve had more, especially when it comes to Erica
Was it a story: Yes
Where it stands: Middle (DQed, didnt read the post)
Comments:
- the repetition of the word torture turned me off a bit.
- a little bit overwrought when it comes to the torture scene, shouldve been toned down a bit imo
- “The next blow breaks my zygomatic bone, which he explains to me is in my cheek.” - cute line
- “All because of the damage it took earlier when the car bomb went off. Saved by my previous gently caress up. “ - NO WHY DID YOU SAY THAT!!!!!!!!! I actually was super happy about how you talked about that little detail and it came back to it, but then you had to tell me! I knew what you were doing, have faith in your reader!
- One of things I was hoping for this week was the fact “worst day ever” also means that nothing is going to be as bad as it is now, and your ending reflects that a little so im happy.
- overall, this was enjoyable. the style turned me off a bit at some places, but it’s still average.


spectres of autism - All I Think About is Death (ugh, feels like a tryhard )

How Bad was the Day: I wouldn’t say it was really that bad...
Character(s): He’s… interesting at least
Was it a story: kinda
Where it stands: Middle (i am not letting this lose even if my other two judges hate this story)
Comments:
- Usually I’m not one for blatant criticisms of culture through sci-fi, but I think this is doing it decently, just a little too on-the-nose.
- lol “the memespace” goddamnit
- idk, this story just makes me laugh at all the really dumb poo poo in it.
- “no anime, not ever.” i like this man
- this got a little bit too philosophical for my tastes, but it was just a fun read to see how stupid you can make this world seem. its not spectacular, but it made me laugh so hey, you got that going for you.
- ent didnt like this as much me or sh, but i just couldnt bring myself to hate it (maybe you were pandering to my gbs posting????)



A Classy Ghost - Baby’s Day In

How Bad was the Day: Losing your legs sure do suck
Character(s): Pretty 2-dimensional
Was it a story: Sure
Where it stands: DM
Comments:
- I already feel uneasy about this right from the start, especially cause i remember that american horror story episode where he cut that girl in half
- i dont think the skateboard should be funny but it really is
- i dont like the motivation for not getting a c-section. seriously in this moment, any rational person would go to the doctors
- why does nobody give a poo poo about her having legs? is this serious or funny?
- ok this was supposed to be funny, but I didn’t really laugh to it that much besides some “what the gently caress” moments which I dont feel like are legit funny and more “wow you wrote that” reactions.


Screaming Idiot - When Life Gives You Lemons, Eat Your loving Lemons (or Eat Your loving Lemons?)

How Bad was the Day: poo poo sucks, yo, but wasnt completely awful, really.
Character(s): Started out awful but actually started to become real people near the end. Should’ve shown the other side first, imo, or at least hinted at it.
Was it a story: Yes
Where it stands: middle
Comments:
- already hate your character, good work (sarcasm)
- what the gently caress why are people writing all these jokes, omg stop!
- one of the things i dont understand about these stories is why did she stay with him if she hated him so much?
- nooooooo, why focus on richard? why? i hate this guy!
- what signs of her being gay?
- omg, when i said focus on character i wanted you to write people i like not people i revile!
- ok, richard is redeeming himself.
- at the halfway point i was sure i was going to dm this, but it ended well enough that I was happy with the story
- bit with the homeless guy tracking him down was a bit weird though
- one of the judges didnt like this but you redeemed yourself slightly at the end


Benny Profane - Marjorie’s Weeding
How Bad was the Day: Wonderfully awful
Character(s): Horrible, but they exist
Was it a story: Yes
Where it stands: MIddle
Comments:
- your voice is strong from the start, i like the sea theme, the storm metaphor in particular sets up a little foreshadowing, though it tapers off near the end sadly
- I like the interactions between characters
- I get this sort of “American Psycho” vibe from this with the Paul-or-William thing. I actually haven’t read that book, but I know what it does (like how it names some characters based on what they wear) and it gets that feeling.
- There’s this great feeling of things unraveling at the seams. It’s like watching a car crash, it’s so wonderfully tragic that I want to watch it all collapse.
- i liked this a lot, but the problem was your characters were awful people and that hurts it a lot. Maybe if there was just one character I liked it could HM or win it in good conscience, but nope sorry.


Something Else - Lance’s Last Chance
How Bad was the Day: It really hurts man
Character(s): Cliche, though there are hints of clever characterization
Was it a story: Yes
Where it stands: DM
Comments:
- good dialogue
- voice feels authentic
- Ending needed to be a bit stronger.
- I didn’t think this was this bad when I first read, but I agree with my judges when they say that you did the dude-bro humor too much and Lance wasn’t that great of a character. Maybe it was just me being tired but I don’t see why I liked Lance...


God Over Djinn - Mercy
How Bad was the Day: Strange and pretty awful
Character(s): Strong
Was it a story: Yes
Where it stands: Win
Comments:
- a strange story i enjoyed. I like the themes it explored and the surreal situation
- i read this on my phone and seeing it in the thread is one of the most terrifying things in the world with these huge blocks of paragraphs. maybe you could tone it down a little? (just joking I actually kind of like the big blocks)
- I had this high, but after sleeping on it, this still stood out to me as the most creative and interesting story this week. It used second person as an excellent tool. I can’t quite put the words on why I like it so much; just the themes it explored and how you explored them were wonderfully creative. Good work! (sorry you have to judge)


Ironic Twist - Penny For Your Life
How Bad was the Day: It’s an interesting take on a prompt, since it’s more about the memories of the past and the pain of it, and I like it. It’s also a pretty lovely day to remember all that crap.
Character(s): Strong, liked the protag
Was it a story: Kind of
Where it stands: HM
Comments:
- Protag is unfortunately passive, which hurts the story a bit
- I reread the last couple of lines a couple of times (hey look at the advantages of submitting just a few hours earlier!) and while I put it as high, once I figured out what you were doing, I really liked it. I don’t blame you though for making it hard for me to understand, it’s just me being tired.
- The reason I felt confident in HMing this was that me and the judges talked about it quite a bit and if a story does that without us puking in our mouths, then it did something right. It also had an excellent character which def. helped you out.


Grizzled Patriach - One-Fifteen Heavy
How Bad was the Day: A bad and terrifying day
Character(s): While not fully explored, i feel a nice hint of it, which feels good
Was it a story: Not really
Where it stands: Middle
Comments:
- Let down mostly by there not being much of a story.
- Writing is solid. It has an odd cadence that I like, but there just wasn’t enough there.
- I think sh or ent had this as an HM canditate, but it just needed more. It just ended and I was left wanting more. I mean, that’s good of course, but it felt incomplete


Killer-of-Lawyers - Population Affairs
How Bad was the Day: Yawn, idk
Character(s): Boring
Was it a story: If you count people talking as a story, then yes (i don’t btw)
Where it stands: Lose
Comments:
- gah boring dialogue
- this is just boring
- line crit inc


SadisTech - Deposits
How Bad was the Day: lovely
Character(s): ME!
Was it a story: Yeah
Where it stands: HM
Comments:
- Whoa, the second second person story this week. didnt use it to the full extent as djinn did though
- ok that happened
- this had a very slick writing style that was strong. this probably wouldn’t have HMed in a stronger week, but it was still good.
- judges convinced me to hm this one, i objecting mostly for the pants making GBS threads though
- "good story telling
"is making you feel like you poo poo your pants” - quote from the judgechat


Pete Zah - Nosebleed
How Bad was the Day: Bad
Character(s): There
Was it a story: Yes
Where it stands: Middle
Comments:
- Tense shift at the beginning (you instead of I)
- Pretty much like SadisTech’s story, except without the poo poo or slicker writing style
- not bad though


Trex - Five Minutes on the Powerline
How Bad was the Day: Bad but cool at the same time
Character(s): Nice
Was it a story: Yeah
Where it stands: High, but some might beat it out for being HM material
Comments:
- I like the voice
- I liked it, it was a tight piece that was just an enjoyable read.
-There was very, very, very close to HMing, but the fact that it didn’t feel like a complete story brought it down.


Skwidmonster - You’ll be getting a line crit for being a noobie, but here’s a little taste:

Base impressions - the prose feels average, but the story was cute and I liked it a lot. I was also going to be picky about it not being “the worst day ever” but your ending line cemented it very well. It was good, if it was not DQed, it would’ve been middle. I've seen much worse TD first entries.

flerp fucked around with this message at Apr 7, 2015 around 00:27

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flerp
Feb 25, 2014

THUNDERDOME LOSER 2019


im in

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