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  • Locked thread
crabrock
Aug 2, 2002


Grimey Drawer

goal: 0 wins in this thread

edit: god dammit

crabrock fucked around with this message at Jan 20, 2015 around 03:05

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crabrock
Aug 2, 2002


Grimey Drawer

sebmojo posted:

Delays should be expected
1413 words

Entenzahn posted:

Too Much of a Bad Thing
1494 words



Sebmojo: You are good at hating things. This story really reads like somebody's every fiber hates his life/job/people because he had lovely parents. The first half of the story is better than the second half. However, I did ask you to write a full story, which you did. The "first time ever" for the blinker thing seemed a little contrived. Woulda worked better for me if he hated on using blinkers or something for a little bit before getting hit. Some more disdain for the rules of traffic because they're only for idiots or something would have been great. Descriptions of the crash are generic and last a little long for me, but I don't really like reading that type of stuff, so others might like them. I was a little confused at the ending of how the bus was oriented and what exactly they were doing. Can't decide if the ending with the holding hands is sweet or saccharine. A little too sentimental for my tastes, a little too quick of a turn around. In a longer piece it could work probably, if he got to know her a bit more. Sometimes I got confused when he was being sarcastic, and had to reread the sentence when I realized it wasn't serious. I don't have any advice for how to fix that, but stop doing it?

Entenzahn: At first I was totally with you. I loving hate thumping bass, and it is horrible and penetrates everything, even ur butt. But instead of pure hatred you shifted to focusing on a weasley little scaredy-cat and the story became more about his cowardice than the actual hatred. Then when he finally does go up, it read like a "thing that never happened" story, more than realistic. Then it went into straight silliness with the taser and the cult. I rolled my eyes a bit reading this part. The tone is all over the place, and the dialogue is pretty bad/pedestrian. Overall, this is not a very good story. It seems like it doesn't know what it wants to be: a joke or something else. As it is, it's not a very good joke. A bass cult is strange and a little hard to suspend my disbelief for. I don't really know WHY this piece was written, but it didn't really make me go "YEAH! gently caress THE BASS MUSIC AND THOSE DUBSTEP WEIRDOS!" but more of "meh, ok?"

Sebmojo wins

crabrock
Aug 2, 2002


Grimey Drawer

Waves
1200 words

http://writocracy.com/thunderdome/?...083&title=Waves

crabrock fucked around with this message at Dec 31, 2015 around 14:14

crabrock
Aug 2, 2002


Grimey Drawer

DreamingofRoses posted:

In with a to redeem my poor little runaway baby self.

Welcome back.

You just missed sparkly merman week

crabrock
Aug 2, 2002


Grimey Drawer

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

crabrock
Aug 2, 2002


Grimey Drawer

Generate me one, you pile of human filth, or I'll poo poo in your eyes so hard your dead grandma will go blind.

crabrock
Aug 2, 2002


Grimey Drawer

New Archive Features

Judgemode: Sometimes people judging don't want to see the author, to eliminate their own perceived biases. To get rid of all author names in the week view and story view, enable Judgemode! Since this is a per-user feature, I'm assuming that the people who enable it are doing so for a specific purpose. The archive doesn't bother to hide the story from the author's profile, or any of the statistics/graphs. So if you want to judge anonymously, then stick to the week view and story view.

To Enable, go to your author profile (by clicking your name in the top left of the archive when logged in) and push the "Enable Judgemode" button. To disable, do the same but click "Disable Judgemode."

You don't have to be a judge that week to do this. Anybody can enable it whenever they want.

Anonymous Weeks: Every once in a while the prompt calls for anonymous submissions. This is a pain in the rear end, generally. But no longer. I've created an anonymous submission page where any user logged into the archive will be able to submit their story, and it'll be automatically added to the week, and will hide your name from everything (i.e. no way for a judge to find out who submitted) until results are in. Then I can disable anonymous mode and we don't have to bother everybody about who wrote what.

For now, you can preview the submission page at: http://writocracy.com/thunderdome/anonymous_submit.php

In the future this page will only be enabled when the week is anonymous, and only if you haven't submitted a story yet. For now it submits nothing.

Thank you for your time, you may now return to apologizing and using manners when signing up for a black metal prompt (???)

crabrock fucked around with this message at Jan 13, 2015 around 22:21

crabrock
Aug 2, 2002


Grimey Drawer

chthonic bell posted:

I'm in. Generate me a prompt, because Muffin took the one I was gonna take.

i swear to god if you fail again, i'll change your avatar myself.

http://writocracy.com/thunderdome/?...chthonic%20bell

crabrock
Aug 2, 2002


Grimey Drawer

muffin is hella negging u all. everybody better submit.

crabrock
Aug 2, 2002


Grimey Drawer

Quidnose posted:

you're handsome

hey i know this is a fiction contest but lets not get carried away here

crabrock
Aug 2, 2002


Grimey Drawer

Your Sledgehammer posted:

Some pretty strong opinions for a first timer. Here's hoping you don't fall flat on your face. (Spoiler alert: You probably will. It's OK, though; you've got about 50 more tries in this thread to get it right.)

Also, you don't take flash rules, you are given them. Accept them with a smile on your face and/or a well-timed insult. This is Thunderdome, not the Unicorn Farts and Rainbows Hugbox for the Emotionally Challenged.

dude shut the gently caress up. why every time we get some new person somebody that's only got DMs and losses thinks they need to harrass them? focus on writing a not-poo poo story instead of your petty, trite insults.

People ask for flash rules all the time btw, so you're also objectively wrong.

edit: also benny profane, stop posting in this thread so much dammit

crabrock fucked around with this message at Jan 14, 2015 around 20:34

crabrock
Aug 2, 2002


Grimey Drawer

Djeser posted:

legit good advice

crabrock
Aug 2, 2002


Grimey Drawer

this isn't my entry for this week.

The Brawler
631 words

Benny the snake stretched his arms in the air, imagined that they made that popping sound like he’d seen in movies. Instead, the only sound was the gentle scratching of the Windows 95 CD-ROM spinning in his computer: he’d figure out how to turn it off tomorrow.

He flopped into his chair and held his breath as to not inhale in the large poof of dust that always followed. He counted to fifteen, took a gaspy breath, and finished it off with a cough. “Too many cigarettes,” he said. He looked at the pack of cigarettes he’d purchased on his eighteenth birthday five years ago, missing two whole smokes.

Benny checked his email for offers of publication, but it was still strangely silent. He clicked the grenade icon. “gently caress yeah. I will shred the flesh of my enemies like a grenade in a daycare,” the noted pacifist said, without any hint of irony.

His heart pitter-pattered when he saw forty new replies to the Thunderdome thread. His sweaty palms moved the mouse toward the link, but his sausagey fingers fumbled and he clicked three times without hitting anything but empty page. “No worries,” he said, “I have prepared for this my entire life.”

Benny hit Ctrl+L and typed out the full URL to the Thunderdome thread, which he’d spent lonely nights memorizing.

He scrolled through the deluge of poo poo posts and bickering, scanning for any mention of his name. It jumped out at him: “benny.”

“Yes! I was missed!” He looked closer. “Wait, that’s not my name.”

Legitimately confused for several seconds, he realized another poster had entered the dome. “But...but...I’m Benny!” he cried.

He tried scrolling and scanning, but the imposter Benny had ruined his sanctuary. Text blurred through tears, his hands trembled. They were yelling at him, the fake, the interloper. He wanted to shut down the computer right then and there, run into the living room, and bury his face into his mom’s couch. “I can’t, because it’ll ask me to install those updates!” he screamed.

Defeated, he saw the end of the thread was near. He scrolled through, slumped in his chair and wishing for death. Wait, he thought. An edit. It was Benny the Snake. They wanted to fight Beny the snake. He sat up, wiped his tears on his sleeve, and interlocked his fingers. “Click click click,” he said, imagining he was cracking his knuckles like a bad rear end.

There was a challenger, and somebody had stepped up to judge. A brawl. This would be the time he won. He could feel it in his gut. Also the churning of some frijoles he had eaten for breakfast. “I don’t know what those are, but I must stay true to my Mexican heritage,” he said, never having visited Mexico. “Two hours is much too far to travel to visit one’s homeland.”

He stood up and pointed to the ceiling. “I accept your challenge!” his voice cracked. As this would be his moment in the sun, his first brawl win, he couldn’t just have anybody judge. No, it had to be one of his mentors. Somebody who he looked up to, and would gaze down at him with pride and give him one of those small, meaningful nods. Somebody that would say “We knew you could do it Benny. We always had faith in you. Every insult, every snide remark, even banning you from talking to us was all to set you on your path of redemption. Like in the movies.”

Benny smiled, and imagined himself pushing newtestleper to the side. “Sebmojo, if you’d please,” he mouthed as he typed.

“Good job Benny. You’re great.”

He opened his google document.

code:
Rosa Flores was a PI…

crabrock
Aug 2, 2002


Grimey Drawer

asap-salafi posted:

Can I can still sign up for this weeks Thunderdome? Generate a title for me please!

whoa. living TD legend right here.

The most failingest person to have ever joined TD.

http://writocracy.com/thunderdome/?author=asap-salafi

crabrock
Aug 2, 2002


Grimey Drawer

Capntastic posted:

I haven't read these in like a year but I'm in for the next prompt.

Someone tell me the funniest thing I missed.

Welcome back.

Previously on Thunderdome:

poo poo Geyser:
"The bucket [of poo poo] erupted in his face, the lid spinning off and slicing the main artery in Mark’s neck, the contents of the bucket Pollock’ing the walls."
http://writocracy.com/thunderdome/?...+THE+MIGHTY+AXE

Baudolino's Triumphant Return:
"Jerking off whilst loving himself with a dildo at the same time was not an easy task for a newbie like him, but he managed somehow."
http://writocracy.com/thunderdome/?...itle=The+Dildo.

The Canteloupe
"I could taste the cantaloupe again, tinged with bile, and I had to squat over the toilet and fart a half dozen times before I felt settled enough to walk back out the stall."
http://writocracy.com/thunderdome/?...turning+Produce

Plus a dozen or stories about my penis, sebmojo sheriffin', a few meltdowns, the most incompetent writer/person maybe in the entire world, Chairchucker won, and fjgj.

crabrock
Aug 2, 2002


Grimey Drawer

Some Artificial Raspberry Flavoring Comes From the Anal Gland of a Beaver
932 words

http://writocracy.com/thunderdome/?...and+of+a+Beaver

crabrock fucked around with this message at Dec 31, 2015 around 14:16

crabrock
Aug 2, 2002


Grimey Drawer

REMEMBER THE GOOD TIMES YOU GUYS

Jim Spaceman’s Adventure and the Fuel

Jim Spaceman tapped the fuel gauge. The fuel gauge which showed how much fuel he had was pointing towards ‘low’ which meant his fuel was very low. “Oh dear,” he said to himself. “I am nearly out of fuel.”

Verily, he was! The radio had ceased transmission, and Jim was struck by the sudden lack of candour. "Friends!" he said unto the empty air "though we have parted, I hear you in my heart! Such sweetness you brought. Oh, but a flower plucked too early smells only the sweeter!"

Luckily he was flying in his space ship through a patch of space that was full of space rocks that had space houses on them. They drifted by outside his space ship like grey pitted golf balls with space houses on them. “Hello in there,” he called through his radio after first depressing the radio call button. “Hello in there,” he said again.

From the houses came no reply. Jim wondered by whom they had been abandoned, and why. Their windows stared at him in the manner that eyes would stare at him. He would not be alone for this final tranche of his journey into death. The last lonely eschatonaut would drift his last through the suburbs and flower beds of joyous decay. Suddenly, there came from a window a haunting sound. It reminded Jim of honey, ash and love. "Shut up bro I'm watching TV," it said.

"Comely maiden!" cried Jim into his space intercom, "I must know you!"

Jim activated the thruster button of his space capsule, flicking up the polycarbonate plastic protector shield and pushing down on the red button labelled ‘thruster’ before realising that he was out of fuel and the thrusters were unable to provide thrust without fuel. Hastily he put on his space suit. He opened the airlock by turning the key labelled ‘open airl ck’, noting in passing that the ‘o’ had worn off the ‘open airlock’ sign. In a few minutes he was in space.

He alighted upon the space rock, and walked towards the house. The haunting sounds of rugby came from within, presumably coming from a television set, as it would do difficult to play rugby inside such a small domicile without causing significant damage. Jim knew what he must do to woo his love. He began to pound a seductive rhythm upon the walls, then let loose his heart's song. It was "Too Drunk to gently caress" by the Dead Kennedys.

At that moment the space door opened and there standing in the doorway of the space house was the most beautiful woman Jim had ever seen, wearing a spacesuit. The spacesuit had a shiny visor. The woman beckoned Jim Spaceman inside and he entered the space house. And he lived there in that house until he died, 34 years later.

crabrock fucked around with this message at Jan 19, 2015 around 07:56

crabrock
Aug 2, 2002


Grimey Drawer

Thunderdome CXXIX: Those We Loved



Look. Thunderdome. Sit down for a minute. Take a breath. Chill out, man. We're all too tense up in here. You know what I did? I played a video game for the first time in two years. And it was fun. I liked it. I was like "why did we stay apart so long?" Maybe some other people are also about to experience a beautiful reunion with something/someone they loved.

Maybe their love was once manifest in space, where love usually happens.

This week you will write a story about somebody reconnecting with something or something they once loved, but had been separated from by for whatever reason. And also spaceships. Yes. Not just Sci-Fi, but SPACESHIPS. I really loving like spaceships, and am craving scifi spaceships.

I am very literal about prompts. I want a real life god drat spaceship, and a real life god drat reunion. Other than that, go hog wild.

No: Poetry. Reoccurring characters from past stories. Fanfic. Erotica. Excuses. Extended spaceship taking off/landing scenes.

Word Limit: 2001

Signups close: Friday, 11:59 pm EST
Submissions close: Sunday, 11:59 pm EST

Judges: crabrock, Martello, newtestleper

In case you are interested: Thunderdome RimWorld

Spacetronauts:
01. Nubile Hillock
02. Schneider Helms
03. Sitting Here
04. hotsoupdinner
05. Jitzu_the_Monk
06. Phobia
07. Grizzled Patriarch
08. SadisTech
09. Ironic Twist
10. Capntastic
11. Bad Ideas Good
12. ZeBourgeoisie
13. Your Sledgehammer
14. Benny the Snake
15. Benny Profane
16. docbeard
17. kurona_bright
18. sebmojo
19. DreamingofRoses
20. Quidnose
21. Tyrannosaurus
22. Jonked
23. leekster
24. JcDent
25. Crab Destroyer
26. contagonist
27. Nethilia
28. Entenzahn
29. tenniseveryone
30. asap-salafi
31. Doctor Idle
32. Jick Magger
33. Screaming Idiot
34. Djeser (1750 word limit)
35. Fuschia tude
36. Megazver (flash rule: your spaceship is missing a vital component but the characters don't realize at first)
37. sebmojo
38. El Diabolico
39. Fumblemouse

crabrock fucked around with this message at Jan 24, 2015 around 01:00

crabrock
Aug 2, 2002


Grimey Drawer

Also, need co-judges who hate themselves and want to read a bunch of lovely scifi

crabrock
Aug 2, 2002


Grimey Drawer

Anybody fighting in the thread that is in this week gets flash rules.

crabrock
Aug 2, 2002


Grimey Drawer


Your fighting flash rule is that your story must prominently feature a broken piece of glass with a mysterious stain on it.

crabrock
Aug 2, 2002


Grimey Drawer

Benny the Snake posted:

Dude, don't be his pitty brawl

your fighting flash rule is that two characters in your story must be female, and they must exchange words about something scientific in a professional manner.

crabrock
Aug 2, 2002


Grimey Drawer

2001 wordcount is a maximum, not a minimum. I will not fault you at ALL for only writing 800 words, if you do it well. If you write 2000 words of poo poo, you'll probably actually run the risk of a DM more than the person that writes 1000 words of crap. Use the words if you need them.

crabrock
Aug 2, 2002


Grimey Drawer

Phobia posted:

OH WOW BENNY THIS IS A NICE GLASS HOUSE YOU HAVE.

fighting flash rule: your spaceship was previously owned.

crabrock
Aug 2, 2002


Grimey Drawer

Doctor Idle posted:

Do I have to lay a sick burn on someone to get a flash rule, or can I just have one for free?

flash rule: "guns. Lots of guns." -neo in the matrix (do not write matrix handoff, just involve lots of guns)

crabrock
Aug 2, 2002


Grimey Drawer

Screaming Idiot posted:

Stories about spaceships? In , baby! Quick stupid question: do they have to be honest-to-goodness actual real-life space ships, or can we go science fiction with that too?

I would suggest you read the entire prompt.

crabrock
Aug 2, 2002


Grimey Drawer

Screaming Idiot posted:

I did, but the part where you said "I want a real life god drat spaceship" muddied your intent. I'm asking for clarification so I don't get disqualified for not following the prompt -- better to ask and look the fool than to stay silent and become one.

how the gently caress does reading "they need to be a real life god drat spaceship" and then asking "do they have to be honest-to-goodness real life spaceships" clarify anything at all? You're asking me the exact thing i said I wanted.

Good example:



bad example:

crabrock fucked around with this message at Jan 20, 2015 around 21:40

crabrock
Aug 2, 2002


Grimey Drawer

J.A.B.C. posted:

So, is Carl Sagan's starship of the imagination out?




NO FANFIC STILL, JESUS CHRIST WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE. WHY IS IT THAT EVERY TIME I MAKE A PROMPT, PEOPLE COME OUT OF THE WOODWORK WITH lovely loving QUESTIONS. JUST WORRY ABOUT WRITING A GOD drat STORY THAT DOESN'T SUCK TO READ THAN RULES LAWYERING.

also:

crabrock
Aug 2, 2002


Grimey Drawer

Quidnose posted:

Crabrock, I like your anger, please hit me with an angry flash rule

ANGRY FLASH RULE: SOMEBODY HAS A DISTRACTING BLEMISH ON THEIR FACE BECAUSE THEY'RE AN UGLY PIECE OF poo poo WHO NOBODY WILL EVER LOVE

crabrock
Aug 2, 2002


Grimey Drawer

Nubile Hillock posted:

Mr. Crabrock? Umm...Mr. Crabrock? I know I didn't raise my hand b...but can my spaceship also be a bong??



THAT'S ALMOST-DOCTOR CRABROCK TO YOU, BUSTER

crabrock
Aug 2, 2002


Grimey Drawer

ok, any more stupid spaceship jokes and you get your word count cut by 250 words from this point forward.

If it gets any worse, i'm calling in the TD sheriff.

crabrock
Aug 2, 2002


Grimey Drawer

Djeser posted:

also i'm in

You have a 1750 word limit for your jokes.

crabrock
Aug 2, 2002


Grimey Drawer

JcDent posted:

Ms. Crabrock, can I get a flash rule too?

i don't know why you asked my wife for a flash rule but she said "make them make up a space animal that doesn't exist and it has to be cat based but it can't be a real cat. just cat inspired."

crabrock
Aug 2, 2002


Grimey Drawer

Fuschia tude posted:

In. In in in in in in.

Gimme a flash rule

flash rule: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yBXOUCP518g#t=438s

crabrock
Aug 2, 2002


Grimey Drawer

Benny the Snake posted:

your rear end is mine, skippy

crabrock
Aug 2, 2002


Grimey Drawer

sebmojo posted:



you want spaceships? here are spaceships: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BIXIl1lUY_s


e:I will do judgeburps and line crits for anyone i gave a flash rule to in the last round by 29 Jan 2359 PST

STOP IT

crabrock
Aug 2, 2002


Grimey Drawer

Megazver posted:

Eh, gently caress it. I'm in.


EDIT: Eh, I need a nudge to come up with the plot. Give me a flash prompt.

flash rule: your spaceship is missing a vital component but the characters don't realize at first

crabrock
Aug 2, 2002


Grimey Drawer

sebmojo posted:

crabrock give me a flash rule

Flash rule: something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue. No weddings.

crabrock
Aug 2, 2002


Grimey Drawer

4 more hours until signups close

The rubric I will be scoring these stories on:

1. Character(s) - Are they interesting or 2d cliches?
2. Plot - is this interesting
3. spaceship - how cool is dat spaceship?
4. reunion - is there a reuniting with something or someone?
5. necessary length - was your story that long on purpose, or because you were rambling dream sequences and poo poo?

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crabrock
Aug 2, 2002


Grimey Drawer

submissions closed. write them spaceships

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