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Dec 1, 2015 04:49
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| # ¿ Apr 26, 2024 18:27 |
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Sugarplum Fairyland Home for the Insufficiently Exuberant 1087 words “We’re all so glad you could come and join us. Please don’t feel trapped here, we are here to set you free!” The mellifluous, if perhaps cloying voice of the nine foot tall bear shaped honey container crooned at Jeff. “It’s normal for new arrivals to feel nervous, just like we all did for our first day of school. Do you know what I find helps me when I feel nervous? I like to sing a little song. Won’t you sing with me?” Jeff clutched his head in his hands, taking slow, measured breaths as he tried to piece together the sequence of events that had brought him here. Was this even was a physical place? Had he gone insane? He desperately reviewed what he knew about himself. “Look,” pleaded Jeff “I am not sure what is going on here, or even where here is. I just want to go home to my family.” “Jeff, sweetie, this is your home. We are all your family. We love you very much just the way you are. Unfortunately, you punched Princess Hugmuffin when she tried to embrace you. We can’t have that kind of violence here. When it happens we bring the loved one here to help them get better.” “Last I knew I was having a nice dinner with my wife at home. Now I find myself in, in this place, and an anthropomorphic muffin is barreling towards me with what I guess were arms outstretched. I don’t know who Princess Hugmuffin is, and I am sorry I didn’t hug her, I’m just a bit freaked out, OK?” “I understand Jeffy, everything is going to be fine. Let’s find you a bed and some real clothes and we will give you some time to settle in.” The bear hopped around until it was facing the doorway, its plastic clattering on the rock candy tiles of the floor. It stood there, motionless. Jeff, not knowing what else to do, got up from the large marshmallow he had been sitting on. The bear proceeded out into the hallway and Jeff followed. They made their way down the hallway. Jars of fireflies suspended from the ceiling cast a dizzying light on the gingerbread walls and crystalline floor. Jeff could hear muffled sounds from behind the occasional door, a whimper here, a burst of laughter there. He tried to reassure himself that none of this could be real, surely this was some bizarre dream. His attempts comforted him little, if he did dream, it was always vague images, largely from childhood, always based in the real world. The real world, he decided he must hold on to that notion. He would play along with this surreal experience for now, but he was going to get back to the real world somehow. “Here we are!” The bear announced merrily. “Why don’t you change into your new clothes and relax for a while? Dr. Snuggles will come by this afternoon to have a talk with you. He is so good at helping people, I am sure he will make you feel comfortable.” The door clicked shut as Jeff eyed the pastel blue onesie laid out on the bed in front of him. He somberly removed his T-shirt and jeans and laid them at the foot of the bed. The onesie felt odd to the touch, tacky. It was finely woven cotton candy, surprisingly strong. It stretched around his body as he slid himself into it. He sat down on the bed in a stupefied silence. He had no sense of the passage of time before a cheerful knock sounded from the door. It opened slowly. A wizened old man gradually came into view. He had a shock of white hair, seemingly desperate to escape the scalp from which it so frantically grew. Large, thick spectacles eerily magnified his glimmering blue eyes. He shuffled awkwardly around the door and slowly pushed it closed. “Would you please join me at the table?” The old man inquired as he made his way across the room. Jeff dutifully rose and went to the chair nearest him. He sat firmly in the chair, the oversized buttons of his butt-flap clacking against the hard surface. The professorial eccentric eventually managed to deposit himself in the chair opposite. “I expect you would like an explanation for how you got here, and what this place is. My name is Albert Funkhauser, though the creatures here know me as Dr. Snuggles. I set up this facility to assist in repatriating those from our world who end up in Sugarplum Fairyland.” “Our world? Repatriate? What is going on here?” Pleaded Jeff. “You recently had an important medical diagnosis, no?” “Well, I mean, I guess so, why?” “And that diagnosis was for Diabetes Mellitus, Type 2?” “Yes…” “Perhaps the 2 liter bottle of mountain dew you furtively drank in the bathroom during your dinner was not a wise decision?” “What are you saying?” “I discovered this world years ago, my weakness was for chocolate you see. Your body is still where you left it, in a heap on the floor of your bathroom. This world exists as a sort of superimposed state of consciousness, though the passage of time is not one to one between worlds. Your wife is probably only now beginning to wonder what’s keeping you.” “So I am dreaming?” “Perhaps in a way, but this is a persistent dream that we are both sharing. I’m not sure whose dream that makes it.” “And I can return, right, to the real world?” “Sure, this was just your first foray, perhaps last if you make some serious lifestyle changes. Personally, I love it here. I am currently in my home laboratory connected intravenously to a fifty-five gallon drum of glucose. I’ve been able to maintain this state for eons of Sugarplum time. I can give you something to help you sleep, when you awaken it will be on your bathroom floor.” “I, uhh, yes, please.” Jeff managed to utter. “Alright, I understand completely. Take this, and here is a bottle of water. Perhaps we will meet again someday, I will always be here.” Jeff swallowed the pill and took a swig of water. It tasted salty as it went down. He staggered over to the bed, already losing consciousness. He jolted awake, banging his head on the sink as he scrambled to a standing position. From down the hall he heard his wife calling out in concern. “It’s OK honey, everything’s fine.” Said Jeff.
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Dec 6, 2015 22:25
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In with the "No Mind Technique" http://www.spellsofmagic.com/spells/luck_spells/wish_spells/12802/page.html
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Dec 9, 2015 02:43
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