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FactsAreUseless
Feb 16, 2011

This is a recipe for the best hamburger you will ever eat. You’ll need a meat grinder for this one.

Ingredients:
1 pound ground beef
Four eggs
1 cup flour
1 onion
Six bell peppers
8 ounces thin-sliced Oscar Meyer Honey Ham
Vegetable oil
Hamburger buns
Stuff for tzatziki sauce

1. Pack the meat into a pint glass or cylindrical drinking glass. Pack it down as densely as possible.

2. Extract the hamburger from the glass, then place it on a baking pan. Bake at 400 degrees for 20 minutes.

3. Remove the cooked hamburger cylinder from the pan. Deglaze it. You’ll need the drippings for the tzatziki sauce.

4. Slice the cooked hamburger cylinder into thin patties. Dip the patties in egg, roll them in flour, and then brush them with oil. Bake at 400 degrees for 20 minutes.

5. Remove the cooked patties from the pan. Deglaze the pan. Set aside the drippings for the tzatziki.

6. Take the cooked patties and run them through a meat grinder. Take the ground cooked meat mixture and stuff it into the bell peppers. Bake at 400 degrees for 20 minutes. Deglaze the pan.

7. Turn the stuffed peppers on their side and slice into thin patties. Place the patties on hamburger buns with sliced onion and thin-sliced Oscar Meyer Honey Ham. Place the sandwiches on a baking sheet (do NOT use the one you deglazed). Bake at 400 degrees for 20 minutes.

8. Assemble the tzatziki sauce.

9. Slice the burgers into quarters and serve with tzatziki for dipping. Enjoy!

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FactsAreUseless
Feb 16, 2011

If you're on a low-carb diet you can use onion soup mix in the recipe.

I eat baby skin
Nov 30, 2003
Fresh from the nursery
With the complete lack of searing, I am thoroughly unconvinced that these are the best burgers I will ever eat. You will need pics if you want any hope of convincing me.

FactsAreUseless
Feb 16, 2011

They don't need to be seared because of the sauce.

I eat baby skin
Nov 30, 2003
Fresh from the nursery

FactsAreUseless posted:

They don't need to be seared because of the sauce.

Sauce can't make up for searing. I really would like to believe you as I am a fan of complicated methods to make things much better, but without pics, this just seems like a big waste of time. Grinding already cooked, egg and flour'd meat patties, then stuffing that into a pepper, and then calling that not only a burger, but the BEST burger? I don't think so, but please prove me wrong with mouth-watering pictures.

FactsAreUseless
Feb 16, 2011

I don't think you understand how sauce or searing work.

I eat baby skin
Nov 30, 2003
Fresh from the nursery
Well, I think you have bad taste in hamburgers. If the sauce is so important, you also might want to, you know, post the actual recipe for it along with the burgers rather than just telling people to assemble it with the "stuff for Tzatziki" sauce.

FactsAreUseless
Feb 16, 2011

I eat baby skin posted:

Well, I think you have bad taste in hamburgers. If the sauce is so important, you also might want to, you know, post the actual recipe for it along with the burgers rather than just telling people to assemble it with the "stuff for Tzatziki" sauce.
I already told you, you can put onion soup mix if you want.

I eat baby skin
Nov 30, 2003
Fresh from the nursery

FactsAreUseless posted:

I already told you, you can put onion soup mix if you want.

That's not a recipe or a list of ingredients though. Not to mention, you mention no use of any spices whatsoever in flavoring this burger. It would be a cold day in hell before this would ever be considered the best burger.

Edit: The method sounds interesting, and I appreciate you posting it, but without pictures, it just is not convincing enough to be worth the effort.

I eat baby skin fucked around with this message at 16:06 on Feb 15, 2015

FactsAreUseless
Feb 16, 2011

There's spices in the sauce and bell pepper is a spice.

I eat baby skin
Nov 30, 2003
Fresh from the nursery

FactsAreUseless posted:

There's spices in the sauce and bell pepper is a spice.

If there are spices in the sauce, you might want to list them, because most basic tzatziki recipes don't list extra spices to add, and bell pepper is a vegetable, not a spice.

FactsAreUseless
Feb 16, 2011

If it's not a spice, why is it called "pepper?" And you have to deglaze the pan or else the tzatziki won't be spicy enough.

I eat baby skin
Nov 30, 2003
Fresh from the nursery

FactsAreUseless posted:

If it's not a spice, why is it called "pepper?" And you have to deglaze the pan or else the tzatziki won't be spicy enough.

It is called pepper because the name pepper was extended from the Piper genus to members of the Capsicum genus as well. Even if you want to call other members of the Capsicum genus spices rather than vegetablesfruits or chiles because they contain capsaicin, bell peppers do not even contain it. I don't think you understand what spices are.

FactsAreUseless
Feb 16, 2011

Well, these burgers are pretty spicy, so it must be the deglazing.

I eat baby skin
Nov 30, 2003
Fresh from the nursery

FactsAreUseless posted:

Well, these burgers are pretty spicy, so it must be the deglazing.

I think you are confusing piquante with spicy here. Piquante refers to the hot kind of spice produced by capsaicin, while spicy refers to the other multitude of spices you can use to flavor food (e.g. garlic, cumin, paprika, etc). To be fair, this is a common mistake with English as spicy is often used to refer to both tastes without any clarification.

I would definitely recommend throwing some garlic, cumin, paprika, and chile powder (and salt and pepper of course) into the ground beef before starting at the very least.

I eat baby skin fucked around with this message at 16:24 on Feb 15, 2015

FactsAreUseless
Feb 16, 2011

Thanks, but that seems unnecessary. I really don't think you can improve on these.

Evrart Claire
Jan 11, 2008
I tried making this but I was watching tv and accidentally left it in the oven for 21 minutes during step 6 so I'm not sure if it turned out like it should.

I eat baby skin
Nov 30, 2003
Fresh from the nursery

FactsAreUseless posted:

Thanks, but that seems unnecessary. I really don't think you can improve on these.

If you say so. I will remain unconvinced until I see pictures or at least have a GWS culinary genius chime in to address all my concerns and confirm that this overly complicated recipe is in fact perfection.

FactsAreUseless
Feb 16, 2011

I eat baby skin posted:

If you say so. I will remain unconvinced until I see pictures or at least have a GWS culinary genius chime in to address all my concerns and confirm that this overly complicated recipe is in fact perfection.
It's actually really simple if you know anything about cooking, but I can get why it might seem intimidating if you don't know about deglazing or ovens yet.

I eat baby skin
Nov 30, 2003
Fresh from the nursery

FactsAreUseless posted:

It's actually really simple if you know anything about cooking, but I can get why it might seem intimidating if you don't know about deglazing or ovens yet.

Thank you for attempting to bash my cooking skills, but you are the one lacking experience if you call a hamburger recipe that requires 80 minutes of cooking time alone plus a meat grinder (for use with already ground meat no less) very simple. I also never said it was intimidating, just a waste of time and effort.

Edit: This is just getting stupid. Enjoy your lovely hamburgers.

I eat baby skin fucked around with this message at 16:35 on Feb 15, 2015

FactsAreUseless
Feb 16, 2011

I eat baby skin posted:

Thank you for attempting to bash my cooking skills, but you are the one lacking experience if you call a hamburger recipe that requires 80 minutes of cooking time alone plus a meat grinder (for use with already ground meat no less) very simple.
I'm not trying to bash anyone. I think someday you'll be a great cook, you just need some more experience.

Evrart Claire
Jan 11, 2008

I eat baby skin posted:

Thank you for attempting to bash my cooking skills, but you are the one lacking experience if you call a hamburger recipe that requires 80 minutes of cooking time alone plus a meat grinder (for use with already ground meat no less) very simple. I also never said it was intimidating, just a waste of time and effort.

Edit: This is just getting stupid. Enjoy your lovely hamburgers.

After eating the burgers I made through this recipe, which tasted amazing even after I hosed up the cooking times, I can confirm that it is absolutely worth the extra effort.

Infinite Oregano
Dec 31, 2007

I'm going to make my friends eat infinite oregano and they'll have to do it because the recipe says so!
I feel that this recipe benefits from the substituting of a standard oven with a pressure sealed, auto-locking oven with a water reservoir. The steam really seals in the freshness.
Also may I advise the use of more oregano.

I eat baby skin
Nov 30, 2003
Fresh from the nursery

Zerilan posted:

After eating the burgers I made through this recipe, which tasted amazing even after I hosed up the cooking times, I can confirm that it is absolutely worth the extra effort.

Well after this post and the mouth watering picture of vomitburgers you posted earlier, I guess I will have to try this masterpiece, but first I need to watch some youtube videos on how to use this oven thing and find out where I can buy one of these fancy deglazing machines.

Edit: Will this work for the deglazing steps? http://www.chris-marine.com/product/deglazing-machine/

I eat baby skin fucked around with this message at 17:21 on Feb 15, 2015

FactsAreUseless
Feb 16, 2011

I think it's going to take more than 38 minutes to find the perfect deglazing machine, but in the meantime you can make these burgers by deglazing the pan with Tabasco sauce and a butter knife.

cptInsane0
Apr 11, 2007

...and a clown with no head
That doesn't sound like the best hamburger at all. For one, there should not be eggs involved, unless used as a topping.

FactsAreUseless
Feb 16, 2011

cptInsane0 posted:

That doesn't sound like the best hamburger at all. For one, there should not be eggs involved, unless used as a topping.
I think you'd be pretty impressed, if you gave it a try.

cptInsane0
Apr 11, 2007

...and a clown with no head
I'll try anything once.

cptInsane0 fucked around with this message at 18:00 on Feb 15, 2015

feelz good man
Jan 21, 2007

deal with it
No, I make the best burgers you'll ever eat you lying cretin

throw to first DAMN IT
Apr 10, 2007
This whole thread has been raging at the people who don't want Saracen invasion to their homes

Perhaps you too should be more accepting of their cultures

cptInsane0 posted:

That doesn't sound like the best hamburger at all. For one, there should not be eggs involved, unless used as a topping.

Uh the burger recipe passed to me by my father has egg in it so I can tell you that you are definitely wrong and should reconsider your life choices.

This recipe looks kinda good but I'm not eating any paprika, hell no. Any suggestions what to replace it with, FAO?

Bob Morales
Aug 18, 2006


Just wear the fucking mask, Bob

I don't care how many people I probably infected with COVID-19 while refusing to wear a mask, my comfort is far more important than the health and safety of everyone around me!

If your burgers have egg in them it better be fried and on top

FactsAreUseless
Feb 16, 2011

Bob Morales posted:

If your burgers have egg in them it better be fried and on top


This looks good, but not like the best hamburgers ever. I strongly recommend the recipe in the OP.

I eat baby skin
Nov 30, 2003
Fresh from the nursery

FactsAreUseless posted:

This looks good, but not like the best hamburgers ever. I strongly recommend the recipe in the OP.

Looks more like a burger than anything that you posted at least.

FactsAreUseless
Feb 16, 2011

I cannot believe the kind of negativity on display here.

FactsAreUseless
Feb 16, 2011

For something a little more positive: You can make this recipe low-carb by substituting pork for beef.

FactsAreUseless
Feb 16, 2011

Or, for a low-carb variant, use only egg yolks. Remove the whites with your hands or fingers.

cptInsane0
Apr 11, 2007

...and a clown with no head

Puistokemisti posted:

Uh the burger recipe passed to me by my father has egg in it so I can tell you that you are definitely wrong and should reconsider your life choices.

This recipe looks kinda good but I'm not eating any paprika, hell no. Any suggestions what to replace it with, FAO?

Your dad taught you how to make a meatloaf sandwich. Those are also acceptable, but not burgers.

Bob Morales
Aug 18, 2006


Just wear the fucking mask, Bob

I don't care how many people I probably infected with COVID-19 while refusing to wear a mask, my comfort is far more important than the health and safety of everyone around me!

Post a weird gyro recipe ITT

throw to first DAMN IT
Apr 10, 2007
This whole thread has been raging at the people who don't want Saracen invasion to their homes

Perhaps you too should be more accepting of their cultures

cptInsane0 posted:

Your dad taught you how to make a meatloaf sandwich. Those are also acceptable, but not burgers.

Who died and made you burger king?

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yrF
Jun 23, 2009

Hahaha carbs. I like my burgers rare so cooking them for 80 minutes sounds like making dog food.

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