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Hey, bub. This is the anti food porn thread. Get that smut out of here. beato posted:Just gonna leave this here. Now, that's more like it.
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May 5, 2015 15:57
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Chard posted:I used to like HowTo Basic a lot, but then it kind of veered into "this is actually a fetish, isn't it" territory and got creepy. Yeah. I liked it better when it was vaguely unsettling because he didn't talk and the violence was less predictable. Also, the jump cuts are new and disorienting, and not in a good way. I liked it better when it was less... produced. OH GOD. Am I a hipster now? 
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May 5, 2015 21:30
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Internet Wizard posted:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YC1CUl4XcZc "Yeah. Looks like I didn't make the time I was going for. So, basically, I just ate a whole bag of pizza rolls like I normally do. Going to wash 'em down with a girly beer. Ahh." This kid has the opposite of whatever kind of charisma L.A. Beast has.
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May 19, 2015 22:01
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We have so many bad cheese/cheese-like products in America, that it might be confusing for The Foreigner. Here's a guide: American Cheese is real cheese that just sucks at being cheese. It is bland and smooth and is a great alternative to other soft cheeses if there is literally no other cheese anywhere. Kraft Cheese is sold in slices, but is not real cheese. It is basically solidified nacho cheese, but tastes about the same as American Cheese. Unlike American Cheese, though, it has the texture of eating plastic. Nacho Cheese is what bald eagles cum and it is the most precious resource in the loving world. It has all the taste and texture of eating melted plastic, with just a touch of implacable spiciness. And that's exactly what you want to dip lovely tortilla chips in at a loving hockey game, you goddamn commie dirtbags. Edit: forgot one: Cheez Whiz is not cheese, and is arguably not food. It comes in the least likely place you would think to find cheese, in an aerosol can, and tastes like whipped plastic. 
Railing Kill has a new favorite as of 12:42 on May 23, 2015 |
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May 23, 2015 12:37
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I love how the pile of grease and cholesterol that is the rest of the burger makes the cheese puff buns look even more unnatural by comparison. That is a color not found in nature. Would.
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May 31, 2015 13:03
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Gridlocked posted:I'm gonna Pizza Hitler here and say that is disgusting I think pizza is like free speech: you have the right to put whatever you want on pizza, but you are not free from the gastrointestinal consequences of your actions.
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May 31, 2015 13:30
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cash crab posted:This looks like a funeral Out of curiosity, about where do you live? Because I live in Maine and I've never seen a lobster roll on a McDonald's menu. You would think they would try to serve it, since you can get fresh lobster relatively cheap and year-round here. But nope. I just assume they figured out what Long John Silver's didn't: that you can get a lobster roll at literally every lovely Americana restaurant in Maine, so they don't need to bother competing with whatever passes for a lobster roll on their own menu. So I just don't know how terrible a McDonald's lobster roll could be. The thought kind of scares me.
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Jun 28, 2015 22:49
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was enough to deter me. You guys aren't worth that much this week, sorry
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Minarchist posted:We need a bingo checklist for this thread. Here ya go. 
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Aug 11, 2015 01:34
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I want to try horse meat. My wife is an equestrian. I live in constant persecution for my beliefs.
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Aug 19, 2015 22:20
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PCOS Bill posted:Just wait until she wears one out "I know you loved your horse, but removing the body is expensive. Luckily, I have a solution..." 
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Aug 19, 2015 23:27
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Hijo Del Helmsley posted:He was both a good friend and a delicious meal. Unerring loyalty and love is the best seasoning. Hahaha. Awesome. I'm not a pet person of any kind, but I understand why people don't like eating a type of animal they have domesticated. I, on the other hand, don't ride horses and I am a foodie who likes eating meat. Sooooo...
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Aug 20, 2015 00:13
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BARONS CYBER SKULL posted:"Poutine" I see fries, french fried onions, undercooked shaved beef (?), and gravy on the bottom for some reason. No cheese or cheese curds. Playing fast and loose with the poutine rules, there.
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Aug 20, 2015 00:57
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Atticus_1354 posted:That made me think of corned beef and then i imagined some Reuben/Poutine hybrid and I can't decide if that is a great idea or a terrible idea. Finely-shredded corned beef, cheese, and a bit of thousand island dressing atop a bed of fries sounds like a good time to me. It also sounds like a heart attack, but anything resembling poutine will.
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Aug 20, 2015 01:22
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RareAcumen posted:Chicken covered in BBQ sauce, peas, applesauce, milk, and a DVD of the Hunger Games in the background. Haha. I didn't even notice the DVD before. they're just playing the Life in District 12 Interactive Home Game. RareAcumen posted:If the stories I've heard of the US Midwest are to be believed 'This ketchup is too spicy/sweet!' I wouldn't be shocked. I had a job in college one summer where I managed a bunch of stupid teenagers. One of them said she didn't like ketchup (!) because it was spicy (?!). I still don't understand how someone would register tangy as spicy. Ketchup isn't spicy at all. It's not "on the spectrum," if you will.
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Aug 26, 2015 11:52
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Kakairo posted:Yup, it's a common thing, especially on fruit. Here is an expert on the subject: I would unironically watch hundreds of videos of this man describing how to eat food unpretentiously. "Kale in salad? You already got a big ol' 'berg in dat bowl. Just eat dat poo poo."
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Aug 28, 2015 17:02
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"I make 14 bucks an hour! Time to spend an hour worth of my labor on some good, ol' fashioned self-loathing." But seriously, I haven't met a tacquito I haven't liked. Would, so hard.
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Aug 30, 2015 14:59
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"Wife me" sounds like she's asking for someone to give her a wife, like a bro would say, "beer me." As in, "Wife me, bros. I can't cook worth a poo poo and I have backward-rear end views on gender roles."
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Sep 1, 2015 03:04
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It's funny how languages translate. it says "Happy Kitchen," but it means "Suicide Kitchen." But seriously, I could have a made and grilled a real burger in the time it took me to watch that video.
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Sep 7, 2015 15:18
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Gridlocked posted:Just because of the I am a 32 year old adult* that wants little banana trucks for breakfast now. Every. Day. *(goon)
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Sep 11, 2015 21:07
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put into making a banana fancy
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Mexican Deathgasm posted:I came. Before I realized you were starting the Caesar quote, I read this a bit differently than it was intended. BTW, would. Eat it, that is. Not orgasm over it. I mean, it's not a Nutella and peanut butter hot dog with Crunch Berries 
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Sep 12, 2015 01:22
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Minarchist posted:I'm not sure Moscato pairs well with sour cream and onion Hey, you're just lucky it's not saltine crackers and string cheese. But that image reminds me of what my wife calls boxed wine: car d'bordeaux.
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Sep 19, 2015 18:30
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Kalos posted:Pretty sure that's just a KFC Famous Bowl in a chinese takeout box for some reason. Those are definitely frozen chicken nuggets, though. Someone tried to make their own off-brand Famous Bowl (an Infamous Bowl, if you will). I don't know why it's in a Chinese take out container. Maybe someone actually paid for this at a restaurant? This should not be anything anyone makes outside of their own home, or sober.Now I kind of want to make the saddest meal: 6 frozen chicken nuggets, microwaved 1-2 cups instant mashed potatoes, prepared 1/2 can corn, drained 2 slices Kraft cheese, in little bits (or 1/2 cup shredded cheddar if you want to get fancy) 1/2 cup pipeline gravy (from a jar), microwaved Step one: Put all dat poo poo in a bowl. Step two: Eat it. Do it. Do it now. Step three: SHAME Step zero: Get real drunk.
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Sep 20, 2015 22:12
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I'm in the U.S. and the Five Guys that opened in my city a couple years ago just started advertising shakes. I still haven't gone in yet, but now I might if the shakes are any good. Kalos posted:I think FG was mostly popular around here because they were the first place in town to have one of those Coke machines with all the flavor syrups so you could get poo poo like raspberry coke and grape mellow yellow (the latter comes out as a very AFP color). Oddly enough, a new Wendy's opened in my city last year that has one of those machines. I have gone in a few times solely to gently caress around with the drink machine. I didn't even buy food one of those times.
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Oct 6, 2015 01:48
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*Runs in, panting from a full sprint* Did someone say BASEBALL?! Scathach posted:The Texas Rangers stadium: now serving dogs topped with cotton candy and cotton candy mustard. This is tame by comparison of some of the gastrointestinal monstrosities being produced at MLB stadiums. Arizona started this thing a few years back with huge, goony piles of garbage food heaped together in heart attack-inducing quantities. By 2015, the phenomenon had spread to every MLB park. TBH, these dishes are meant to be eaten by two or four or even more people. But like the 20-piece McNugget, you just know that doesn't happen. Some of this is anti-food porn, but some of it is straight-up food porn. I'll let you judge for yourself. Arizona Diamondbacks' "Churro Dog" Would.  Huston Astros' "Chicken and Waffle Cone" Nope.  Kansas City Royals' "Steak and Cheese Dog" Nope.  Milwaulkie Brewers' "Nachos on a Stick" ...Would?  LA Dodgers' "64oz Nacho Helmet" Would, despite my instincts.  Texas Rangers' "Choomungous" Would, if I had a bib or something.  Finally, stadium food as gross and artless as its home in Tropicana Field: Tampa Bay Rays' "4lb Fan vs Food Burger" Trick question: No one goes to The Trop, so no one will ever eat this. 
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Oct 6, 2015 12:18
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SymmetryrtemmyS posted:Only if guacamole is, too. Some food is inherently AFP, and some needs the help of bad photography to be AFP. I could see hummus or guacamole looking revolting if its shot with a lovely cell phone pic instead of professional photography.
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Oct 8, 2015 19:22
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Simply Simon posted:In honor of my hatred of the thankfully already over Oktoberfest, I made Bavarian anti-food porn recently: That pretzel looks so happy about his weird new beard. Simply Simon posted:It's local specialty Weißwurst, which is traditionally eaten by sucking it out from its skin. I am comfortable in my heterosexuality, but I'd still rather fry up some little Pac Mans than suck a dick to get my sausage fix.
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Oct 13, 2015 14:56
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. These were a day old, though (another breach of tradition - you should not eat Weißwurst after noon, because in olden days they would go bad very quickly), so frying was a great way to use leftovers.
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FetusSlapper posted:Pea soup is often used as fake vomit in movies/tv. It is pretty tasty though. 
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Oct 15, 2015 13:18
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Jmcrofts posted:Actually this is how all Americans make spaghetti:  Spaghetti  Spaghetti is always pasta (unless it's spaghetti squash, I guess), but not all pasta is spaghetti. Don't use the terms interchangeably or I swear to god I'll--- If you use the terms "pisketti" and "sketti" unironically and you are over the age of eight, you are a goddamn idiot. I will hunt you down. I will find you. Put a bit of oil in your pasta during and after boiling and it won't stick. It's not difficult, nor is it a mystery. Ketchup is not a pasta sauce. Tomato soup (which I've also seen people use in lieu of tomato sauce) is not a pasta sauce. Cheap, real tomato sauce is $1 for a big can. Jesus loving christ, America. You don't need to throw spaghetti at a wall to see if it's done. Try a bit, you know, like a loving adult. It's not a clever solution because it is neither clever, nor is there a problem we haven't already solved here.Some of this makes me irrationally angry. When I hear "pisketti," I just about lose my mind.
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Oct 23, 2015 18:06
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Yeah. I'm in on that trip report, too.  Eat dat poo poo.
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Oct 23, 2015 21:21
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cash crab posted:This looks like pide. Is that a baked vagina filled with cheese and tomatoes? It's not what I would have done with a vagina, buuuuut... would.
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Nov 10, 2015 17:34
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Alright, goddamn it, AFP Thread, now I have to make Tikka Masala for dinner tonight. I was going to make something more stupid and mediocre, but Indian food chat has forced my hand. Thank you in advance. 
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Nov 12, 2015 17:29
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Do the people flooding #cookingforbae with deliberately bad food realize that bad food is only funny if it's made unironically? Dumping a bag of frozen peas on a plate isn't funny. loving bandwagoners. It's a joke, minus the humor.
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Dec 3, 2015 15:11
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You would think that I could get real poutine here in central Maine, with it being so close to Canada. But the poutine here uses pipeline gravy and regular (lovely) shredded cheddar cheese. It is somehow less appetizing to look at than real poutine. Don't get me wrong, it is still the best thing to eat at 2:00 AM, but it just bugs me that I can't get the real deal in a state that's practically part of French Canada.
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Dec 8, 2015 21:06
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