Chemicals Mutates my Butthole?!

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Libelous Slander: ... you're just creepy ...

ugh, worst coachella ever.

it was last year. so i had to do a number two and the only thing around were those rows of chemical toilets. well just my luck this one was in the shade so when the door closed behind me, it was pitch dark! now i know my port-o-john architecture quite well so i felt i could negotiate in the dark, and wouldn't want to risk dropping my mobile into the tank below. so i drop trou and went to sit down.

but i... kept... sitting.

i panic but there's barely time to think. then it happens. my butt hits the surface below. its unnervingly cold. why is it this cold? it's a sensation that cannot be accurately described. the blue chemical stings as i try to claw my way out of the bowl. after seconds that feel like hours have passed i'm finally free of the bowl. i go to rectify(no pun intended) my butt situation.

OF COURSE there is no TP left in this shitbox. i begrudging pull up my jorts and resign myself to walking around with a chembutt. what's the worst thing that could happen?

oh, mutation, that's the worst thing.

it's been months and now my butthole is mutated in ways i didn't think possible. i only waited a few days to shower after the incident (im not going to waste water like that just for the sake of vanity and minor comfort) but that was apparently all it took. it's a lot looser than ever and has very unpleasant behaviors. i tried to take a suppository to see if it would help, and 4 minutes later it fires out at a speed that doesn't seem humanly possible. it left a mark in the drywall.

coachella was founded by Paul Tollett in 1999

# ? Mar 23, 2015 20:58

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# ? Apr 26, 2024 01:26

social vegan

are u like cyclops but reversed now

# ? Mar 23, 2015 21:06

Scaly Haylie

social vegan posted:

are u like cyclops but reversed now

he has to wear a blue buttplug at all times

# ? Mar 23, 2015 21:09

social vegan

Lizard Wizard posted:

he has to wear a blue buttplug at all times

i on the other hand don't have a cool excuse

# ? Mar 23, 2015 21:15

Libelous Slander: ... you're just creepy ...

social vegan posted:

are u like cyclops butt reversed now

# ? Mar 23, 2015 21:17

google THIS

social vegan posted:

are u like cyclops but reversed now

imagine being a butt wolverine

# ? Mar 24, 2015 01:21

WetNightmare: by sebmojo

how much blue stuff got up your bungholewould you say? 1 tsp? 1 gal?

----------------
This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

# ? Mar 24, 2015 03:49

dogcrash truther

Libelous Slander posted:

ugh, worst coachella ever.

it was last year. so i had to do a number two and the only thing around were those rows of chemical toilets. well just my luck this one was in the shade so when the door closed behind me, it was pitch dark! now i know my port-o-john architecture quite well so i felt i could negotiate in the dark, and wouldn't want to risk dropping my mobile into the tank below. so i drop trou and went to sit down.

but i... kept... sitting.

i panic but there's barely time to think. then it happens. my butt hits the surface below. its unnervingly cold. why is it this cold? it's a sensation that cannot be accurately described. the blue chemical stings as i try to claw my way out of the bowl. after seconds that feel like hours have passed i'm finally free of the bowl. i go to rectify(no pun intended) my butt situation.

OF COURSE there is no TP left in this shitbox. i begrudging pull up my jorts and resign myself to walking around with a chembutt. what's the worst thing that could happen?

oh, mutation, that's the worst thing.

it's been months and now my butthole is mutated in ways i didn't think possible. i only waited a few days to shower after the incident (im not going to waste water like that just for the sake of vanity and minor comfort) but that was apparently all it took. it's a lot looser than ever and has very unpleasant behaviors. i tried to take a suppository to see if it would help, and 4 minutes later it fires out at a speed that doesn't seem humanly possible. it left a mark in the drywall.

coachella was founded by Paul Tollett in 1999

lol

# ? Mar 24, 2015 04:04

dogcrash truther

hello 2 da rhizzone

# ? Mar 24, 2015 04:05

Chef Shimi

I have a third arm, but it's not where you might expect, or maybe it is.

# ? Mar 24, 2015 04:13

Awesome!: Ready for adventure!

Libelous Slander posted:

ugh, worst coachella ever.

it was last year. so i had to do a number two and the only thing around were those rows of chemical toilets. well just my luck this one was in the shade so when the door closed behind me, it was pitch dark! now i know my port-o-john architecture quite well so i felt i could negotiate in the dark, and wouldn't want to risk dropping my mobile into the tank below. so i drop trou and went to sit down.

but i... kept... sitting.

i panic but there's barely time to think. then it happens. my butt hits the surface below. its unnervingly cold. why is it this cold? it's a sensation that cannot be accurately described. the blue chemical stings as i try to claw my way out of the bowl. after seconds that feel like hours have passed i'm finally free of the bowl. i go to rectify(no pun intended) my butt situation.

OF COURSE there is no TP left in this shitbox. i begrudging pull up my jorts and resign myself to walking around with a chembutt. what's the worst thing that could happen?

oh, mutation, that's the worst thing.

it's been months and now my butthole is mutated in ways i didn't think possible. i only waited a few days to shower after the incident (im not going to waste water like that just for the sake of vanity and minor comfort) but that was apparently all it took. it's a lot looser than ever and has very unpleasant behaviors. i tried to take a suppository to see if it would help, and 4 minutes later it fires out at a speed that doesn't seem humanly possible. it left a mark in the drywall.

coachella was founded by Paul Tollett in 1999

lol

# ? Mar 24, 2015 04:23

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN: I put my thumb up my bum and shut one eye, and my thumb blotted out the planet Earth.

Libelous Slander posted:

coachella was founded by Paul Tollett in 1999

# ? Mar 24, 2015 04:24

a cloth map: No thanks. I'm a Government man.

Libelous Slander posted:

coachella was founded by Paul Toilet in 1999

# ? Mar 24, 2015 15:52

dogcrash truther

i've been chemically altering my anus for years. i have recipes if you'd like to see them

# ? Mar 24, 2015 15:56

google THIS

i only waited a few days to shower after the incident (im not going to waste water like that just for the sake of vanity and minor comfort)

# ? Mar 24, 2015 16:07

Libelous Slander: ... you're just creepy ...

a cloth map posted:

toilet

# ? Mar 24, 2015 19:58

lumpycnt

chemicals do alter the fabric of your exterior poop tube. my bunghole is a mess, it bleeds and aches and itches day and night, i dunno if its a hemorrhoid or just tp wounds from my daily struggle with drying my rectum after a bad case of mud butt. i am reduced to spending fortunes on toilet paper, anything that is not sold in packages picturing the softest white little lamb rips my rear end flesh to shreds. my struggle is real and my adhd medication is to blame, dextroamphetamines are incredible laxatives. 30 minutes after i have swallowed the daily morning dose my anus got to sprout. it truly is horrifying, i dont think ive dropped a stool that comes close to being firm in a year now. i eat a snickers and some pasta before bed and at 7 in the morning my acidic intestines have reduced the night time snacks into brown oily goo.

chemicals have made me the source of the river brown, my toilet bowl a lush river delta, ruled by great, thriving fecal bacterial empires. my scarred and leathery rear end in a top hat is the source of life for these crap-germs. the life my waste brings give me sense of fulfillment, for my poop has nursed empires. perhaps one day as i venture out to my porcelain cradle of life, and gently open the infested lid, i might discover my microbial dependents building a monument in my honor. A great pyramid, towering on the banks of the yet-but-soon-to-be defiled lake in the depths of the cistern. an offering, to the god of the river brown. Testament to the fact that my suffering roughneck of an rear end in a top hat may bring me much itchy suffering, but it is the lifeblood of an entire species of tiny creatures, beings that have carved out an existence in my liquified droppings.

My dung hole may itch and wake me at night, it may ruin all my white underwear, i endure much as i unload my guts a fourth time on the bad days. though i feel the thin stool becoming acidic, i know i am effectively puking out of my rear end, my hyper-active insides now pumping out stomach acid - i still keep going. i know the civilization in my porcelain depend upon my digestions. for as long as the maple syrupy compost flows from between my cheeks, these microscopic beings will know not of hunger nor want.

I dutifully throw before them their manna, every morning, for though the beings i sustain are nasty diarrhea eating germs, and they carry horrifying infectious diseases from my grotesque insides - there is still great value in such life, even the barely multi-cellular life i sustain with my runny crap.

I now know They are my people. i shall watch over them. I shall sustain them no matter the pain i must go through, for my burden is their gravy. I know they cannot possibly comprehend my true nature. Just as God appeared to Moses as a burning bush, my people will never be able to comprehend what i truly am. They will never realize that i am more than a burning butthole. Every morning i have a purpose, for my gooey turds sustain the lush garden i have made alive for them. My behind crackles like thunder over their Eden every morning. Perhaps in their own way they give thanks. Like the ancient Egyptians gave thanks for the daily sunrise.

I have a feeling that the rumbling clasps of my rear end cheeks, and the torrent of dark & lumpy monsoon that follow, are appreciated in some sense, or at least allow the little organic-waste recycling lifeforms to feel safe in their world. i now push out my waste, knowing i have become a force of nature. countless lives are trusted to me. my flesh must burn and the river brown must flow. i now know my cavernous intestines holds something of the highest value, there is more to my plumbing than decomposing tv dinners. i carry the gift of life. somewhere in that terrifying place, inside me, beyond the ragged rift that once was a proper pink anus, there is a place which ferments a life-giving elixir that i now gladly give to the creatures in my shitter. i have come to admire my people, they take what i value the least and use it to continue the sacred cycle of life.

I now understand what it means to be God.

# ? Mar 24, 2015 21:41