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ChorpSaway
Oct 9, 2012



Drake of the 99 Dragons is a 2003 third-person shooter game released on the Xbox and PC. Developed by the then-new (and now-defunct) Idol FX, the game was supposed to spark a franchise based around the eponymous Drake, an assassin for the Clan of the 99 Dragons. A short comic was released as a promotional product, and a cartoon was supposedly in development during the same time.
The release of the game killed any hope of success for this multimedia project.

On release, it was critically panned, and received an average Metacritic rating of 22. The game is absolutely riddled with bugs and design problems. The Xbox version of the game did not include a reticule for the guns, and tried to make up for it with an auto-aim feature, which is inconsistent at best. The camera is fast and loose, and often forces an awful perspective for gameplay. The controls are loose and floaty, and many of the additional movement mechanics are disgustingly inconsistent and buggy. The music is bland and uninspired and the sound design is worse than that, featuring some truly awful false gun sounds and at least one sound effect that seems to be ripped straight from AOL Instant Messenger. Sometimes, sound effects from previous levels will bleed into the cutscene at the start of the next level. The graphics are pretty bad, even for the Xbox, and Iím pretty sure the menu font is some form of Comic Sans. The story is a mess of poor narration, hidden in cutscenes that usually only vaguely relate to the gameplay sections surrounding them; even then, the storytelling is hard to follow past the most basic conceit. It is an awful mess of a game, often put on the same pedestal as Superman 64.

And yet I bought it on a whim a number of months ago, still factory-sealed. I was ready for the worst, and boy did I get it. On at least two occasions I had to consult a walkthrough (the only one, mind you) to figure out what the hell I was supposed to be doing because of poor direction on the part of the game. At this time, I realized that I could not find a single completed video playthrough of this game, and so at the end of my first playthrough, I decided to take up the mantle.





My name is ChorpSaway and I have a problem. Thankfully, I have tricked convinced some friends to join me on this spiral of madness, so I wonít be alone for this experience. The mainstays will be my good buddies shadowmar, FutureFriend, and Cybernemic, though more may join us along the way to help keep us sane.

This a video LP with cut and uncut options for the commentary, though the story is so bad and unnecessary that itíll probably be difficult to parse even if weíre not talking over it. I will be subtitling all of the narration and dialogue, so you can still try to keep up with whatís going on during the cutscenes even if youíre watching the uncut videos.
I will be showing off as much as I can about the mechanics, the weapons, and the gameplay overall. This wonít be a completely expert run, because I want to show off some of the more egregious things that this game can do to new players, but I believe myself to be one of the best Drake players in the world (because I am the only one still around).

I donít expect many of you to have played this game, especially to completion, but I donít want to see any spoilers in the thread. Thereís plenty to talk about without jumping the gun(s) on the later missions.















Bonus Updates
Drake of the 99 Dragons: All Cutscenes (Video)
Drake of the 99 Dragons Issue 1: The Demon Box (Comic)






Drake
An undead assassin for the Clan of the 99 Dragons. Wears a cool trenchcoat and has a cooler dragon tattoo on his chest. Looks a little like Bizarro from Superman and is the number one mumbler in the 99 Dragons clan.

List of Powers
As of Mission 1:
- Can shoot two guns at the same time
- Can make guns appear from thin air
- Can jump twice
- Is basically a ragdoll
- Can NOT carry guns between levels, except for his precious pistols


As of Mission 4:
- Can cling to and run on walls
- Can NOT move from one wall to another wall without jumping
- Can see and collect the souls of dead people
- Can slow down time (he is also affected)
- Can freeze time (he is also affected)


As of Mission 5:
- Can NOT leap out of tall buildings and survive
- Can be revived by magical statue spirits into a new body


As of Mission 7:
- Can draw souls towards him
- Can NOT absorb evil ďlostĒ souls


As of Mission 8:
- Can use key cards to open doors


As of Mission 11:
- Can make souls explode as they exit a body


As of Mission 13:
- Can be revived by magical statue spirits into an old body


As of Mission 14:
- Can regenerate his body from fatal wounds (may be an oversight by the game)
- Is light enough to be affected by industrial fans


As of Mission 15:
- Can unleash the Undying Dragon from his body when in an excess of souls


As of Mission 21:
- Can pull every type of gun out of hell


As of Mission 23:
- Can just straight up kill ghosts


As of Mission 24:
- Can harness the power of the Soul Portal Artifact to fly

ChorpSaway fucked around with this message at 18:52 on Jun 25, 2015

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ChorpSaway
Oct 9, 2012



Waffleman_ hopes that we Take Care (feat. Rihanna) over the course of the LP.


ShadowMar is bringing in the Comeback Season with an old call-back to games long past.


Camel Pimp shows the thread the meaning of Bad Meaning Good (feat. Slakah the Beatchild).








Hyper Crab Tank depicts Drake on his Worst Behavior.


Melaneus shows us what happens when there's Too Much (feat. Sampha).


ShadowMar documents the problems of staying Up All Night (feat. Nicki Minaj).


Waffleman_ brings Drake back to the time of Spider Riders.


Lady Naga attempts to immortalize Drake in WW2k15 and is Successful (feat. Trey Songz and Lil Wayne).
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rBTsld9tG7o
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EaA_W2rBpkU
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X2k4Q6N2BIA

Combat Lobster helps Drake invade PSO2 and he knows how to Show Me a Good Time.





ChorpSaway fucked around with this message at 20:11 on Jun 8, 2015

TCat
Oct 10, 2012

I'll save you the time and call myself a loser
Oh my god this loving game.
I remember seeing Two Best Friends played this when they tried to do that dumb mystery box thing I could not turn away. It was a trainwreck beyond comparison.
Like, how bad do you have to be at video game design, that even while rushed, you basically have the playable character cut at the waist like an action figure to let his legs and torso just flip around every drat which way and yet the arms are absolutely always still just so he can shoot his guns akimbo like a cool guy, it's so poo poo that it's kind of amazing.

Level Seven
Feb 14, 2013

Wubba dubba dubba
that blew.



Megamarm
:magical:

That is a beautiful train wreck we are watching. Drake's double jump posture is something people naturally do while jumping, yes sir. The way his arms always go forward is also a great design choice.

Sweet and Awful
Oct 26, 2013
Drake sounds like a raspy old man and not a shirtless dude with a trench coat and a tribal tattoo.

ShadowMar
Mar 2, 2010

HERE IS A
GRAVEYARD
OF YOU!


I hate you for making me sit through this game, Chorps.

Waffleman_
Jan 20, 2011


I don't wanna I don't wanna I don't wanna I don't wanna!!!

How could a game from a developer that doesn't even have a logo be bad? You guys are just overreacting.

Edit: Like, you can make a logo out of just a name, but there's gotta be some design involved. You just went into Illustrator, typed your name, and went "Done." Come on!

FutureFriend
Dec 28, 2011

the Idol industry is disgusting imo

Herr Tog
Jun 18, 2011

Grimey Drawer
So are you posturing that you can beat this game?

Waffleman_
Jan 20, 2011


I don't wanna I don't wanna I don't wanna I don't wanna!!!

ChorpSaway
Oct 9, 2012

Herr Tog posted:

So are you posturing that you can beat this game?

The hosed up thing is that I've beaten it twice. You're seeing my second playthrough here.
The third time I tried, it softlocked about halfway through. The game knew that I had figured it out and so it sent me the only obstacle it had left. Literal unplayability.


As the rapper Drake once said "You the fuckin' best".

ChorpSaway fucked around with this message at 21:31 on Apr 11, 2015

Herr Tog
Jun 18, 2011

Grimey Drawer

ChorpSaway posted:

The hosed up thing is that I've beaten it twice. You're seeing my second playthrough here.
The third time I tried, it softlocked about halfway through. The game knew that I had figured it out and so it sent me the only obstacle it had left. Literal unplayability.

You are a very strange man. I do not know why you played it three times...I do not know why you played this over more Naruto. I just don't know

Nidoking
Jan 27, 2009

I fought the lava, and the lava won.
Ah, so this is the infamous Drake of the Village Hidden in the Clock. He uses his chakras to walk up walls and summon weapons from nowhere. He's not undead - he's just a shinobi.

Cybernemic
Oct 9, 2012

TEEHEEHEE
Chorps is a horrible taskmaster that made me do these while i was sleep deprived so i hope you nerds enjoy this noodleman's horrible body.

XainZero
Feb 16, 2011

Those souls are skeletons in orbs. Skeletons are a collectible.

Waffleman_
Jan 20, 2011


I don't wanna I don't wanna I don't wanna I don't wanna!!!

Skeletorbs.

anilEhilated
Feb 17, 2014

But I say fuck the rain.

Grimey Drawer
I really want to know what they drugged the VA with to comply with this script.
edit: I just got seized by a horrible suspicion based on the looks of our intrepid hero. Is Drake shorthand for Dracula?

anilEhilated fucked around with this message at 22:46 on Apr 11, 2015

Seraphic Neoman
Jul 19, 2011


The tapping is supposed to be the master doing tattoos the old fashioned and super-painful way, with bamboo sticks and needles. It just looks like rear end because rear end is the game's artstyle :v:

The Shame Boy
Jan 27, 2014

Dead weight, just like this post.



I was horrified in seeing that the game is BOASTING about it's 25 missions on the box but if they're all gonna be as short as they are in the first video than maybe it won't be so bad?

Oh who are we kidding of course it's gonna be bad.

Beefstew
Oct 30, 2010

I told you that story so I could tell you this one...
Why the gently caress does Drake talk like Xavier: Renegade Angel?

ShadowMar
Mar 2, 2010

HERE IS A
GRAVEYARD
OF YOU!


Shadow225
Jan 2, 2007




It's impressive to be repetitive in the first 10 minutes.



THUD!

Herr Tog
Jun 18, 2011

Grimey Drawer

too much work that this game is worth

Ometeotl
Feb 13, 2012



It's MISSEL! Or SISSLE!
I confused myself...



I like how your health sometimes tweaked between 99 and 100 HP when collecting souls.

DumbRodent
Jan 15, 2013

Heart Thumping Field Trip
BIG PANIC?
This is a magical beautiful gift. Your suffering was not in vain.

e: So is it explained why Drake is wearing acrobat tights and a trenchcoat?

DumbRodent fucked around with this message at 01:25 on Apr 13, 2015

LoseHound
Nov 10, 2012
Speaking of rear end-to-Mouth Behavior Interactive, those were the guys who would eventually make Wet, a stylized action game in which the protagonist dual-wielded guns while running on walls and slowing time.


The company that made the Drake and Josh game made a better Drake of the 99 Dragons.

anilEhilated posted:

I really want to know what they drugged the VA with to comply with this script.
edit: I just got seized by a horrible suspicion based on the looks of our intrepid hero. Is Drake shorthand for Dracula?

I would be legit surprised if the meaning behind the name Drake went any further than DRAKE EQUALS DRAGON.

LoseHound fucked around with this message at 01:23 on Apr 13, 2015

Neruz
Jul 23, 2012

A paragon of manliness
I have absolutely no idea how the company that made this masterpiece could possibly have gone out of business :stare:

ChorpSaway
Oct 9, 2012

:siren: UPDATE TIME! :siren:



Today, Drake gets a feel for his new powers and learns the odd circumstances about his new rebirth! Then he is sent on a mission to retrieve the Soul Portal Artifact, but things get a little sketchy as he makes his way through Chinatown. Can Drake catch Tang's courier, or are things about to go up in smoke?

First post updated to account for Drake's new superpowers.

DumbRodent posted:

This is a magical beautiful gift. Your suffering was not in vain.

e: So is it explained why Drake is wearing acrobat tights and a trenchcoat?

Well the tights are to allow him a complete range of motion with his hosed up rubber legs, and then the trenchcoat is to flow behind him because he is cool and an assassin and a cool assassin.

Ometeotl posted:

I like how your health sometimes tweaked between 99 and 100 HP when collecting souls.

The also often drops me to 98 health after having more than 99, presumably due to a counting error in the code.

anilEhilated posted:

I really want to know what they drugged the VA with to comply with this script.

Presumably muscle relaxants given his dedication to mumbling all the lines and very rarely showing any sort of emotion other than "calm and collected badass".

Drakenel
Dec 2, 2008

The glow is a guide, my friend. Though it falls to you to avert catastrophe, you will never fight alone.

ChorpSaway posted:

:siren: UPDATE TIME! :siren:



Today, Drake gets a feel for his new powers and learns the odd circumstances about his new rebirth! Then he is sent on a mission to retrieve the Soul Portal Artifact, but things get a little sketchy as he makes his way through Chinatown. Can Drake catch Tang's courier, or are things about to go up in smoke?

First post updated to account for Drake's new superpowers.


Well the tights are to allow him a complete range of motion with his hosed up rubber legs, and then the trenchcoat is to flow behind him because he is cool and an assassin and a cool assassin.


The also often drops me to 98 health after having more than 99, presumably due to a counting error in the code.


Presumably muscle relaxants given his dedication to mumbling all the lines and very rarely showing any sort of emotion other than "calm and collected badass".

Your uh... 'cut' video is of an entirely different game. Is that supposed to be an in-joke I don't get?

FutureFriend
Dec 28, 2011

Drakenel posted:

Your uh... 'cut' video is of an entirely different game. Is that supposed to be an in-joke I don't get?

we're just going thru the entire drake series in one thread okay

Cybernemic
Oct 9, 2012

TEEHEEHEE

Drakenel posted:

Your uh... 'cut' video is of an entirely different game. Is that supposed to be an in-joke I don't get?

Listen, i'm not willing to discuss with you the specifics, but it should be said that Chorps edits all his footage in WinAmp, so some things may have changed in editing.

Drakenel
Dec 2, 2008

The glow is a guide, my friend. Though it falls to you to avert catastrophe, you will never fight alone.
Of course, the series. How silly of me. :rolleyes:

Or i'm dumb and never click the cut videos in any lp ever except when misclicking. Well double feature indeed.

Drakenel fucked around with this message at 19:57 on Apr 18, 2015

Lotus Aura
Aug 16, 2009

KNEEL BEFORE THE WICKED KING!

Drakenel posted:

Your uh... 'cut' video is of an entirely different game. Is that supposed to be an in-joke I don't get?

That is clearly the same game as before. :shrug:

ShadowMar
Mar 2, 2010

HERE IS A
GRAVEYARD
OF YOU!


we're playing drake in the drake thread whats not to get

Drakenel
Dec 2, 2008

The glow is a guide, my friend. Though it falls to you to avert catastrophe, you will never fight alone.

ShadowMar posted:

we're playing drake in the drake thread whats not to get

Drake(nel) is confused about the many drakes in the drake thread.

And also unobservant.

Herr Tog
Jun 18, 2011

Grimey Drawer
Clearly Death cannot hold Drake back but walls can. They are the only thing that can.

Hyper Crab Tank
Feb 10, 2014

The 16-bit retro-future of crustacean-based transportation

SSNeoman posted:

The tapping is supposed to be the master doing tattoos the old fashioned and super-painful way, with bamboo sticks and needles. It just looks like rear end because rear end is the game's artstyle :v:

It looks (and sounds) like he's doing some sweet xylophone riffs on Drake's emaciated, bony ribcage.

This game looks positively magical. What hijinks will wacky waving very pale and possibly undead flailing tube arm man get up to next time?

DumbRodent
Jan 15, 2013

Heart Thumping Field Trip
BIG PANIC?
Oh goddammit I just actually clicked one of the "cut" videos.

What have you done

FractalSandwich
Apr 25, 2010
Is that really a high school? I don't see any sailor uniforms. I don't understand.

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Shadow225
Jan 2, 2007




So wait, the protagonist literally commits suicide under the guise of immortal life, and gets rewarded for it? The subtitles are in Comic Sans? The loading screen is that loading screen?
What deed did you commit for your parents to unleash this cruel punishment on you as a child?

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