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The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Ask/Tell > Ask me about being in the closet
 
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Scudworth
Jan 1, 2005

When life gives you lemons, you clone those lemons, and make super lemons.

Dinosaur Gum

so-i-creep-yeah posted:

So why not just come out? Especially since being gay is becoming more and more accepted?
Honestly, it's not even about being gay anymore. It's more about... not being able to admit to people that I've known forever that I've been lying to them the entire time we've 'known' each other. I used to fantasize about faking my death, flying to a place where no one would recognize me and start a new life fresh. I don't think about this anymore, and as the years go on things get easier: just turning 30 has given me a new perspective - I mean, I was just a kid, really. I did what I felt like I had to do. At this point I'm more in the closet about being in the closet.

Dude, I know this is your personal journey and not an easy subject, but this is crazy. Unless you're in a position where your family or job is in peril if you were openly gay, you're just torturing yourself for no reason here. And the worst part is that you seem to know that :(

I can only offer you an anecdotal example:
Within the past 5 years, two members of my extended friend groups have dated and then married same-sex people despite them never (at least openly) dating or even talking about being attracted to the same gender. There was no big sit down COMING OUT drama or discussion. They just worked the person into their life in the same casual way as any other relationship. "Hey everyone this is my boyfriend Ray."
No need to explain it or ask for forgiveness. Any decent people will maybe be confused for a few moments (seriously, just minutes) and then shrug and move on. I'm sure with their families it would have been A Thing, and I can't comment on that because I wouldn't know, but to us it was just like "Oh I guess he's gay now. Or always. Whatever."

If anything I felt concerned that they'd possibly been struggling with this, not that they were "lying" to us all this time. No one in their right mind who enjoys you as a person would think of this as "lying" to anyone but yourself.

* # ¿ May 12, 2015 09:49
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# ¿ Apr 29, 2024 03:49
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Scudworth
Jan 1, 2005

When life gives you lemons, you clone those lemons, and make super lemons.

Dinosaur Gum

so-i-creep-yeah posted:

I wouldn't be just admitting to being gay, I'd be admitting to a decade's worth of related lies and deception that grew like a snowball rolling downhill. It's admitting to being an imposter. I've done my best in recent years to disentangle and distance myself from the pretend life I'd created, but at a point where I'm ready to admit it to everyone. Not yet.


You keep using words like "fraud" and "imposter". You have a serious complex going on here and again- you know it.

This is not how reasonable people will see it. At worst they'll just assume you're bi and have been choosing dudes lately. Does that bother you? That being the worst? Because you don't have to explain yourself. People understand that there's a spectrum at work here and I don't know a single gay person that didn't try straight relationships in their youth.
You will not be admitting to some vast conspiracy.

* # ¿ May 12, 2015 11:18
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The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Ask/Tell > Ask me about being in the closet