|
 Hello folks. My name is Espilae, and I am a carebear. No, put down the pitchfork, not like one of those creepy animated bears devoted to love and kindness, I mean in the GAMING sense. I've played many games in my life, mostly RPGs with heavy focus on story. I love hand-crafted worlds with their own interesting stories, and often see any gameplay as a barrier to experience said story - a system to slog through that gives me little or no enjoyment. I'm the kind of schmuck that always plays on easiest difficulty even in notoriously easy games. I'm the kind of dickhead who has even resorted to cheating a few times to experience the story at the expense of gameplay. I'm the kind of arsehole who looks at ASCII graphics and can barely keep it together while his brain melts into a puddle of hashes and ampersands. I'm the kind of wanker who gets attached to his characters and easily frustrated at the slightest difficulty or impediment to progress. I'm exactly the kind of person who should not be playing roguelikes. So, I'm going to play some, completely BLIND. There will be carnage, there will be screaming and frustration, there will probably be threats of mortal injury leveled at not just the people who designed said game but everyone who gave them their cup of coffee in the morning or cuts their grass. It's hopefully going to be entertaining, even if it isn't particularly entertaining for ME. Why am I doing this? Well, I've been reading some great LPs in the awesome Roguelike LP Megathread (go there if you like to see roguelikes played by sensible people who actually know what the gently caress they're doing) and I suddenly realized I actually haven't played a roguelike, ever. The words 'procedurally generated', 'permadeath' and 'unforgiving' in game descriptions tend to scare me the gently caress away normally, so I guess it's natural. Anyway, some rules: No spoilers, ever. It'll be more fun that way, even if it means life or death (and it probably will). Maybe something will gently caress up and I'll need an explanation on why, in which case I'll ask, but I'm just going to blunder in blind and see how long I last. You CAN give vague advice - and I mean like 'That might not be a good idea' or 'Maybe you should put some skill points in Dildo Repair', not 'Here's a detailed map of the gently caress Temple and you should definitely kill the Grognard of Doom BEFORE the Everloving Swishypants Lord else you might get cursed', etc. Also, it doesn't have to be necessarily good advice, you could deliberately gently caress me over, in which case gently caress you very much in advance. Okay, let's get to the trainwreck. My first game, suggested by members of the megathread, will be Nethack 4, which I have no to very little knowledge of. I get the feeling this is a bad idea.  NETHACK 4: Run 1, Level 1 - I may have overlooked a key detail here NETHACK 4: Run 2, Level 1 - This goddamn dog is the worst NETHACK 4: Run 2, Level 2 - The clue is in the name you moron NETHACK 4: Run 2, Level 3 - I blame NETHACK 4: Run 2, Level 4 - Leprecunt NETHACK 4: Run 2, Levels 5-6 - FLASH, aah ah Autisanal Cheese fucked around with this message at 05:48 on Jun 19, 2015 |
#
?
Jun 14, 2015 03:20
|
|
|
|
| # ? Apr 26, 2024 06:50 |
|
|
NETHACK 4: Run 1, Level 1 - I may have overlooked a key detail here So I asked for suggestions in the megathread and one that came up again and again was Nethack, specifically Nethack 4. Now I'm not an idiot (although the very existence of this thread makes that claim harder to defend than Charlie Manson), even a roguelike-illiterate like me has HEARD of this game and its infamous difficulty, but it can't be that bad starting out, right? Maybe I'll clear a few levels then make a stupid mistake or something, I dunno. So, here goes.  Right, well this looks fairly straightforward. I am allergic to ASCII though - just reading Dwarf Fortress LPs gives me a nosebleed - and I heard there were tilesets available for this version. Let's check the options, I'm sure it won't be that difficult to fi-  Christ Almighty, what the gently caress do all these do? I'm not even in the loving game yet and already I'm confused. Okay, scroll down.  There we go, tileset. I don't know if any of these are any good, let's just pick the first one, DawnLike, and get the gently caress to the carnage already. Main menu, new game please.  Well, this seems like something I can completely leave to chance. I don't know what the gently caress I'm doing anyway. And I know what y and n means, but what the gently caress is q? Nevermind, I'll just pick y. Yes, do your worst, Mr. Random Character Picker.  I guess I asked for it. A neutral gnome Cavewoman. Is Cavewoman a class in this game instead of a demographic? Do I get a sweet dinosaur mount or at least a loving sabretooth pet? Or am I just going to be a poorly-educated knuckle-dragger with poor hygiene? In which case I have the perfect name.  Right, Roseanne. Let's do this thing.  Oh look, flavour text and a semblance of a storyline, I wasn't expecting this. So I'm a Troglodyte cavewoman thing and some goddess named after a Warren Beatty film wants me to go into the underworld to get an amulet. Why she can't get off her own dusty rear end and do it is never explained in these type of situations, but it's best not to get into a theological argument with a game on the first goddamn screen, so let's move on.  Well, thank you for the welcome, although to be honest I'm not that pleased to be here. Also there's a dog or something here, I hope to gently caress he's my pet cos that's a bit rude attacking me with a monster in the first goddamn turn. Also there appears to be no exits. Maybe I'm standing on one, I'll just move.  Wait, what? Wield? I just wanted to move up. Oh, gently caress, of course this thing won't use WASD like any sensible game. But while I'm thinking of it, maybe I'll check my inventory to see if the game gives me anything to start off with. I hope to Jesus it's the i key but knowing these type of ancient layouts for all I know it's CTRL + F9 or some loving thing-  Okay, it is i. A club, a sling - plus modifiers on both, that's unexpected, some uncursed armor (I assume that's a good thing), lots of ammo. Right, let's kill poo poo.  Arrow keys work, good. My dog is apparently named Slasher and I have displaced him, I hope that wasn't painful for either of us. There's some stairs here with an arrow, I can't go anywhere else so I'll go in here.  Uh, what key is it? After a minute of button mashing I've discovered the help screen, now I can find an operate key or some poo poo.  GodDAMNIT. All right, I found the down key.  What do you mean I can't go down here? It's STAIRS, isn't it? Or maybe I'm meant to go up?  Well that's nice for them, I wish I had some money, though I also wish I could get out of this motherfucking room.  Okay, up key found. Let's go up to the dungeon maybe? Maybe as a cavewoman I actually start from below or something?  Uh, yes, pretty sure. Why are you warning me?  Uh, yes? What will that do?  I already knew that.  Maybe? Actually I have a bad feeling about this, why is it suddenly telling me this shi-  Wait, FINAL attributes? I survived, past tense? Oh gently caress, have I accidentally lost already?  Voluntary!? I NEVER HAD A CHANCE TO DO ANY OF THESE THINGS YOU loving PIECE OF poo poo  DO YOU WANT TO SEE A BREAKDOWN OF YOUR FACE  Welp, goodbye Roseanne, you loving coward. But what the gently caress was I supposed to do? Is that a bug? I expected to die quite easily but not that way. Goddamnit. You don't loving deserve it, since you ran away like a bitch, but I shall immortalize your cowardice in song, as I shall every character who dies because of these loving unreasonable games. Now, where to begin.. Ah yes. Roseanne You don't have to walk up the wrong flight Those days are over You don't have to give up without a fight Roseanne You don't have to displace that dog tonight Hear that guy counting money You don't care if it's leftarrow or if it's right Roseanne You don't have to walk up the wrong flight Roseanne You don't have to walk up the wrong flight Roseanne (walk up the wrong flight) Roseanne (walk up the wrong flight) Roseanne (walk up the wrong flight) Roseanne (walk up the wrong flight) Roseanne (walk up the wrong flight) NEXT TIME: I actually get to play the game! Also if any of you could explain if that was actually supposed to happen, a room with no exits or that was a bug or some poo poo, that would be nice. Autisanal Cheese fucked around with this message at 00:16 on Jun 16, 2015 |
|
#
?
Jun 14, 2015 03:20
|
|
|
Espilae posted:Also if any of you could explain if that was actually supposed to happen, a room with no exits or that was a bug or some poo poo, that would be nice. This was as perfect as I could have expected.
|
|
#
?
Jun 14, 2015 04:47
|
|
|
This is going to be fun.
|
|
#
?
Jun 14, 2015 04:49
|
|
|
Not a bug. Maybe if you had waited around Roseanne might have noticed something.
|
|
#
?
Jun 14, 2015 04:51
|
|
|
Read the guidebook. There's not using spoiler knowledge, and then there's not reading the manual. Please please read the Guidebook.
|
|
#
?
Jun 14, 2015 04:52
|
|
|
Trasson posted:Read the guidebook. There's not using spoiler knowledge, and then there's not reading the manual. Please please read the Guidebook. Maybe do one more without reading the guidebook.
|
|
#
?
Jun 14, 2015 04:53
|
|
|
EAT THE EGGS RICOLA posted:Maybe do one more without reading the guidebook. Not emptyquoting this.
|
|
#
?
Jun 14, 2015 04:53
|
|
|
good luck, gamer
|
|
#
?
Jun 14, 2015 05:00
|
|
|
Trasson posted:Read the guidebook. There's not using spoiler knowledge, and then there's not reading the manual. Please please read the Guidebook. I'm not sure that Nethack 4 comes with a Guidebook  That list of commands he found is quite possibly all the help he's going to get!
|
|
#
?
Jun 14, 2015 05:14
|
|
|
And you wonder why I said to start with Crawl.... If it helps, I did the same thing the first time I played Nethack. Nethack is seriously one of the worst games to start with. It gives you exactly zero help, and some of the things you are expected to figure out are "old Sierra point and click adventure game" levels of obtuse. I don't even know if it's possible to beat spoiler-free. Good luck! Oh, and as for some vague advice, either move with the numpad or use vi keys (if you don't know what this means, just use the numpad). I don't think it's a spoiler to point out that you can move diagonally. I won't get into the actual mechanics of how movement works, though I will say there are some unique situations regarding movement rules that you have to (ab)use to stay alive. KillHour fucked around with this message at 05:29 on Jun 14, 2015 |
|
#
?
Jun 14, 2015 05:25
|
|
|
This is going to be fun. When you get tired of Nethack, I highly recommend trying Crawl.
|
|
#
?
Jun 14, 2015 05:32
|
|
|
SirSamVimes posted:This is going to be fun. I can't stress this enough. Nethack's unofficial motto is "The devs thought of everything." The amount of obscure mechanics is just  . Crawl is the complete opposite - if a mechanic doesn't create meaningful choices or isn't self-explanatory, it's usually scrapped.But until then,  Edit: (Not saying what the spoiler is, but pointing one out, so tagging just in case). I'm surprised the options menu has such a big spoiler in it. It both says what it does AND has a shortcut for performing the action. KillHour fucked around with this message at 05:48 on Jun 14, 2015 |
|
#
?
Jun 14, 2015 05:39
|
|
|
Ishtar's actually a real goddess, by the way. She's a figure in Sumerian mythology known for trying to seduce Gilgamesh, making her one of the oldest known mythological figures in history.KillHour posted:I can't stress this enough. Nethack's unofficial motto is "The devs thought of everything." The amount of obscure mechanics is just Are you talking about Elbereth? That's obscure enough I doubt s/he'd pick up on that just from the menu.
|
|
#
?
Jun 14, 2015 06:12
|
|
|
kvx687 posted:Ishtar's actually a real goddess, by the way. She's a figure in Sumerian mythology known for trying to seduce Gilgamesh, making her one of the oldest known mythological figures in history. I am. If (s)he looked carefully, it specifically says what it does in the birth options menu, and then in the keybind menu, it says what has to be done with it (writing it in the dust) and gives a shortcut to do that. I also like how it tries to keep it spoiled by saying "The E-word" but has the actual word as the variable name.  Edit: Espilae crops it out of the image, but it the shortcut is always written at the bottom of the screen. The programmer must REALLY want you to know about it. KillHour fucked around with this message at 06:35 on Jun 14, 2015 |
|
#
?
Jun 14, 2015 06:16
|
|
|
Oh man, this is going to be a beautiful trainwreck Doing God's work, goon.
|
|
#
?
Jun 14, 2015 06:17
|
|
|
Utterly perfect.SirSamVimes posted:This is going to be fun.
|
|
#
?
Jun 14, 2015 07:01
|
|
|
Welp. At least unlike Vinnie the Vole's Existential Nightmare, you at least had an up staircase.
|
|
#
?
Jun 14, 2015 07:16
|
|
|
I heard of a guy who beat Nethack unspoilered. A guy. After like a decade of trying.
|
|
#
?
Jun 14, 2015 07:21
|
|
|
Mercury_Storm posted:I heard of a guy who beat Nethack unspoilered. A guy. After like a decade of trying. the gamer spirit burns strong within that man. there's some post somewhere about him where he explained how he discovered certain poo poo and it was neat but i don't know where it is.
|
|
#
?
Jun 14, 2015 07:27
|
|
|
yeah, i'm not...super confident that playing nethack is going to last for more than a couple of updates. it's more of a puzzle game than anything, and it doesn't really give you hints. well, unless you die. and then maybe you figure out why you died.
|
|
#
?
Jun 14, 2015 07:28
|
|
|
Ahahah. Just magical. I started playing nethack when I was... 13 maybe? In the pre-internet era; maybe BBS's were around. Didn't beat it until I was 17 (lot of off and on there obviously, I wasn't playing constantly), as an (redacted). This was 3.0j I believe, so before (redacted) existed and I was (redacteding) (redeacted) and a (redacted) like no tomorrow which you can't do now. So yes I beat Nethack without spoilers after about 4 years. Sorry this story was going to be a lot more exciting but I realized just by saying what I had done I'd be spoiling things. Then I went to university, got newsgroup access, found rgrn, and beat it with all classes.
|
|
#
?
Jun 14, 2015 07:29
|
|
|
Amusing so far--only suggestion I have is to resize the images; that table breakage makes the screenshots hard to read.
|
|
#
?
Jun 14, 2015 07:43
|
|
|
gently caress, sorry
Wafflecopper fucked around with this message at 07:53 on Jun 14, 2015 |
|
#
?
Jun 14, 2015 07:44
|
|
|
Wafflecopper posted:That was amazing. Thank you. Wrong thread!
|
|
#
?
Jun 14, 2015 07:48
|
|
|
HACKNET 4: Run 2, Level 1 - This goddamn dog is the worst All right, let's try this again, shall we? I have been reliably informed that that last run was not bugged, I am clearly just a moron. This does not come to any surprise to me as it is a fact I am reminded of daily. With that in mind, I fire up the ole random character generator and land on...  Human male ranger. Oh good, I like firing arrows into things, and there's only one Ranger in these parts worth the name, and that's..  I know the Underworld ain't exactly Texas and there's no real chance of a cameo appearance by an AIDS-ridden Haley Joel Osment, but maybe I will kick some serious rear end.  A quest, suspiciously like the one given to Roseanne by Ishtar, but now it's Venus doing the asking, and she's clearly plagiarized from Ishtar's book too. She always was a lazy cow.  Oh good, a room with doors, this should be much easier. And I have a dog again!  A chest, eh? Let's open it. Uh, or I would if I knew how. Maybe o for open?  What do you mean, 'in what direction', you fool? Up, or out, or someth- JUST OPEN ALREADY  loving hell, I'm going to have to look at the help menu again aren't I, and it's wonderfully intuitive isn't it  Yep. Anyway, 'apply' looks like what I'm looking for, and that's a. Simple enough apparently.  Apparently again I am wrong. Do I want to apply comma, or question mark-asterisk? gently caress it, I'll just mash them all until I get a result, loving 1980s key scheme bastardry  And the loving thing is locked. Well, this is off to a good start. Let's see what else is in the room and hopefully I can pick that up.  Get out of my way, dog.  Nice, a short sword. But, looking at my inventory I already have a lot of sweet gear. I'll just pick this up to save it for later, and apparently that's achieved by utilizing the comma button.  Right, next is a bag thing over here.  Food is always good, though I don't really see a hunger meter.  Okay, out the door into the next place.  JESUS CHRIST DOG GET OUT OF THE WAY, I'm trying to dungeon crawl here  Jackpot! Some money and what looks like a necklace, hopefully non-hostile but you never know in this bloody game.  Let's pick it up. Doesn't say what it does, except it's triangular. Very helpful. I'll just put this on then, maybe it'll tell me then.  Doesn't say anything.. maybe take it off and put it on again and watch for effects?  Apparently trusty old Sirius uses that opportunity to pick up my gold. Bad dog, BAD DOG! He drops it when I put the amulet back on, which is weird and I don't understand.  I kick the dog out of the way, grab the cash myself and head into the next room and there's a thing in front of me I am hoping is not a savage monster which will devour my cloaca.  I find out how to examine things.  It's a statue of a newt, how lovely. I wonder what the newt did to become so honoured, maybe it invented strawberry jam or something. Maybe I'll know more if I touch it.  Nope. Well, I don't know what the gently caress to do with it so I'll just leave it the gently caress alone.  Off into the next hallway I guess, unless I see some-  What the gently caress is THAT?  A sewer rat. Hopefully it's easy to kill. I then remember I'm a ranger and find out how to equip my bow.  No I don't want to write on the floor with the loving thing, I want to SHOOT WITH IT  There we go. Er, now how do I shoot it?  Uh, arrows?  Wait, did I just unequip arrows? gently caress.  Oh, the correct answer is c. I'll leave the blessed arrows alone, they're probably good against undead or some poo poo, this is a rat.  There we go.  loving hell I'm a poor shot. I just notice my dexterity is 10 - er, that probably isn't terribly good for arrow shooting but whatever. Fire again!  motherfucker FIRE THE ARROWS  Finally, and I even one-shot him! These arrows must be good poo poo.  Doesn't look like I get any loot except this corpse, can I do anything with it?  Apparently I can eat it, but let's get some info first.  Oh great, looks like it's a crapshoot whether or not this will make me sick or even kill me depending on what corpse it is. I think I'll give this rat a miss since it does say sewer rat, that might be what we like to call a clue.  gently caress that noise, let's move on.  *whistle* Picking up my arrows, doo-de-doo..  What the - Sirius, did you just eat that rat? It's your funeral, and no if you die I will not be holding any loving funerals for you unless you learn how to not be in my goddamn way every ten seconds  Uh oh. Someone has the ability to open a door. I hope it's friendly.  Yikes, what is that ugly red thing?  A goblin. Well, hopefully this corridor is straight...  It is! I am a GOOD SHOT.  And I get a nice hat out of the deal, it's made of iron and everything.  Plus one, too, although that might mean gently caress all in the scheme of things for all I know. Still, it's my lucky day!  Stairs!  And yes I checked these were stairs going DOWN, I won't fall for the same loving thing twice. Hopefully.  I'll come back for them though, I want to know if I can find anything else on this level worth having/murdering.  Here's something worth murdering, before it murders me.  I want to back the gently caress up though, it's a zombie and I don't want to catch anything.. even sounds like a sensible decision, that's unusual for me  YES I AM GOOD AT ARROWSHOOT  Right, I'll leave the corpse and go over here to see if I missed anything.  Ooh some kind of lizard, what is it  A newt. I could have probably predicted that.  I don't like those kinds of noises.  Let me back up a bit and kill this lizard.  gently caress. Let's try again.  Goddamnit I shouldn't have opened my mouth before should I  Finally.  Well, maybe I can eat this corpse? It is a lizard after all and they can be tasty in my experience (don't ask, it was at a crocodile farm and I was drunk)  Terrible, but hopefully not mortally terrible.  Another one!  Maybe I'm learning?  Sirius if you don't get out of my way I swear to God I'll eat you next  Okay, off to the next part.  A bare room. Sucks.  A boulder! Maybe I can push it?  I can, but I don't know what that achieved.  More loving noises.  DOG I WILL MURDER YOU  Oh money.  Oh poo poo.  Let's hope they're not too buff. Maybe I can use Sirius as a canine shield. (Shut up dog, you know you deserve it)  Goddamn it Sirius, you never miss *me*  Ouch! But that didn't hurt too badly, I'll just keep firing.  Christ dog what exactly are you good for again?  Good, and about time too.  Gems! I don't like the sound of 'yellowish brown' though, especially considering they came out of jackals. Gallstones aren't technically gems, are they?  I get them anyway cos who knows, they might be valuable if I can find a shop in this hellhole.  I could even throw them, or write with them (seriously, what would I even write anyway)  All right, back to the staircase.  Rats! Let's kill these assholes before we go.  Got one, now the other...  Bugger it, I can't be arsed to chase after him, I'm off to the next level.  I might just throw this dog down the stairs first just to be safe though. (You're really pushing it, furball.)  Oh, it's chasing me but too bad, I'm here already! Now, onto the next level, I'm sure it won't be too dangerous, I'm destroying poo poo with my arrow skill now, I should be fine for a little while, shouldn't I? NEXT TIME: No, I shouldn't. Autisanal Cheese fucked around with this message at 00:31 on Jun 16, 2015 |
|
#
?
Jun 14, 2015 08:29
|
|
|
Wow, you are realy lucky this run. I wont tell you why, but you are. And I looks like at least one of your problems will be gone on the next floor. 
|
|
#
?
Jun 14, 2015 08:44
|
|
|
you should talk to every creature you encounter
|
|
#
?
Jun 14, 2015 09:16
|
|
|
Espilae posted:I could even throw them, or write with them (seriously, what would I even write anyway)
|
|
#
?
Jun 14, 2015 09:40
|
|
|
This reflects my experience with NetHack.
|
|
#
?
Jun 14, 2015 09:41
|
|
|
A Carebear Plays... ROGUELIKES - DOG I WILL MURDER YOU My sides.
|
|
#
?
Jun 14, 2015 09:46
|
|
|
Good LP. I don't understand classic roguelikes and ASCII games either, and I tend to stay away from LPs because they assume that either you have a basic understanding of the game or can keep track of all that ASCII poo poo. Finally an LP about this that's on my level of understanding. I'm sure you'll win this game. How hard can it be?
|
|
#
?
Jun 14, 2015 10:18
|
|
|
Oh Jesus this is hilarious even with the sparse knowledge of NetHack I learnt from others' LP. Taking out spoiler, sorry dudes
Jeek fucked around with this message at 16:08 on Jun 14, 2015 |
|
#
?
Jun 14, 2015 11:04
|
|
|
YES This is even more magical than I imagined! Thanks for doing this, Espilae, this is hilarious  Also you've got a good start going, can't wait to see how it goes awfully, awfully wrong!Took out spoilers, sorry Rappaport fucked around with this message at 15:03 on Jun 14, 2015 |
|
#
?
Jun 14, 2015 12:56
|
|
|
How are you even still alive.
|
|
#
?
Jun 14, 2015 13:51
|
|
|
Carbon dioxide posted:Good LP. I don't understand classic roguelikes and ASCII games either, and I tend to stay away from LPs because they assume that either you have a basic understanding of the game or can keep track of all that ASCII poo poo. Check out the RL megathread, they explain the basics for pretty much every game. Also this is 
|
|
#
?
Jun 14, 2015 14:14
|
|
|
Great thread! Let me just post this part of OP again:Espilae posted:Anyway, some rules: Seriously, guys. This is being crossposted in the regular Roguelikes LP thread for all your wink-wink, "Oh, you mean this" spoilers; please post there if you can't contain yourself. Let's leave the wonder in this thread.
|
|
#
?
Jun 14, 2015 14:25
|
|
|
Yeah, seriously. I can never understand why nobody understands "no spoilers". "Oh boy, I hope OP manages to [REDACTED] the [REDACTED] when he reaches the [REDACTED], otherwise he'll be right [REDACTED]" is, if not an actual spoiler-by-implication in the circumstances (because it means a deadly 'gotcha!' moment is approaching, so be careful), at least annoying as gently caress.
|
|
#
?
Jun 14, 2015 14:53
|
|
|
MartianAgitator posted:Great thread! Let me just post this part of OP again: What, we can't talk behind the OPs back? It's more fun that way!
|
|
#
?
Jun 14, 2015 15:04
|
|
|
|
| # ? Apr 26, 2024 06:50 |
|
|
This is magical.
|
|
#
?
Jun 14, 2015 15:08
|
|
