- redneck nazgul
- Apr 25, 2013
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If you haven't showered with Dr. Bronner's liquid peppermint soap and then dried off and doused your junk/rear end with Gold Bond, you're truly missing out on what it feels like to slip the surly bonds of earth to teabag a snowman.
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Feb 13, 2017 14:37
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Apr 28, 2024 01:10
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- redneck nazgul
- Apr 25, 2013
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https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3315201
I nominate this as runner-up.
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Jun 15, 2017 12:29
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- redneck nazgul
- Apr 25, 2013
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Why on earth would you make placenta lasagna? Don't you want to taste it?
I'm generally not a big fan of lasagna, maybe it'll overpower it.
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Sep 24, 2017 06:54
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- redneck nazgul
- Apr 25, 2013
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Now does anyone have that story from the Navy guy whose crew kept getting the boxes of donated books after everyone else, so they intercepted it one time and proceeded to tear every book in half with their butt cheeks. If I'm remembering it correctly.
quote:
I have a good story: the day me and my platoon destroyed an entire shipment of books for no good reason. This all happened back on my float. (Marine terminology for MEU deployment)
Back on the float we used to get care packages of books- every once in a while a mail drop would come with a cardboard box full of them that would get passed from berthing to berthing. There were a few boxes going around the ship, every time a new box came in it would get passed through the berthing cycle (mail clerks would always get the box first because they were dicks).
Anyways, we always got the box last. Every loving time, because everyone hated us. So one mail shipment we decided to maraud- and take the new book box for ourselves. The heist was simple, and involved entering the mail room and taking the new box from the clerks. They were busy sorting the mail shipment, and the door was left open- so it was easy for two of us to walk in there, bully the stooge sorting letters, and take the box for ourselves. We eloped back to our berthing where we greedily opened our glittering, cardboard prize with a k-bar.
Inside, was poo poo. We had never actually gotten our hands on a book box before- but it was underwhelming. The contents were, in a word: gay. Science fiction novellas, romances, some flavor-of-the-month paperbacks- it was, aside from a few classics, utterly gay. Setting our sights on the book boxes from afar, when we happened to chance upon them while visitng another berthing, had given us the impression that there would be some real page-turners inside. We were wrong.
So I grabbed a copy of Digital Fortress by Dan Brown, opened it in half, then pulled down my trousers and skivvies and inserted one half between my buttocks.
Let me back up a bit- as I'm sure you require some explanation for why this was my chosen course of action. You see; my rear end, is incredible. My rear-end is oddly enough, shaped like an attractive female's hind. My rear end could be described as: succulent, juicy, bouncy, bubbly, enticing, or even lusty. In case you haven't gotten the point yet: I've got one fat boypussy. If you cropped out the rest of my muscular frame, and were shown an image of only my behind, you would swear it was taken from the centerfold of Black Men Magazine. Needless to say, I didn't get it solely by means of genetics. I've always taken well to exercises of the legs and gluts, and my physiology shows this. My rear end is also incredibly strong, and when I clench it, it's feels like two mounds of titanium. This is why I decided to place the book between these two cheeks of mine.
I placed on half of the book between my cheeks and gripped the other half with both hands. With only the force of my rear end to hold the other end, I yanked as hard as I could until I ripped the fiction novel in half. Right down the binding, it split in two. The rest of the berthing was intrigued. If I could manage it, why shouldn't they?
Hands lept into the book box, grabbing paperbacks for the other Marines' own trials. Cammie trousers and skivvy shorts came off, and soon a total of about twenty marines were standing in the berthing- open books clenched in their buttocks. (This is where the 0_o comes in)
The berthing was silent, but the air contained the palpable energy of concentration. Every once in a while a stifled grunt, or moan could be heard as the men wrestled with their literature. First, a large Puerto Rican Marine managed to split Brother Odd by Steve Koontz, and let out a primal, triumphant scream. Freakonomics was next, then Frankenstein, and then American Psycho. One by one the berthing tore the entire contents of the box to shreds, using nothing but our powerful asses.
After we were done, we threw the ruined books back in the box and forgot about it for the rest of the day. Until a female sailor knocked on our berthing door, and asked for the box. We obliged, and handed her the box full of books- their pages ripped, and moist from our butt-sweat. She and her berthing-mates later attempted to complain to our SgtMaj about the incident, but he knew better than to investigate. One unspoken rule about our MEU: you don't know what goes on in our berthing, and you don't want to know.
So that was one of the more 0_o moments in my military career. Being on a boat for long periods of time can lead to some interesting occurrences.
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Oct 29, 2018 03:26
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- redneck nazgul
- Apr 25, 2013
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remember to spay and neuter your vets
exhibit B: goons in platoons
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Dec 27, 2018 19:40
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- redneck nazgul
- Apr 25, 2013
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Wait, is this chucklefuck blaming us for this shitshow?
I mean, in the sense that 4chan was created by a goon, I guess Something Awful is in some way responsible for Donald Trump, indirectly, after a lot of steps.
if goonswarm hadn't existed, vilerat would likely have never gotten a job with the CIA and would have survived benghazi, thus preventing part of the investigation into hillary and her emails, which means...
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Feb 26, 2019 06:57
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- redneck nazgul
- Apr 25, 2013
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be more inclusive and say y'xll
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Jan 20, 2022 02:47
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Apr 28, 2024 01:10
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- redneck nazgul
- Apr 25, 2013
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Speaking of hidden forums could someone post the link to the paranormal forum, a ghost stole it.
SA has never had a paranormal forum.
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May 22, 2023 22:48
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Feb 13, 2017 14:37
