PYF: Funny Forum Quotes: Kirk Johnson's didgeridoo-like farts

The Something Awful Forums > Main > Post Your Favorite: Carefully Curated > PYF: Funny Forum Quotes: Kirk Johnson's didgeridoo-like farts

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EorayMel: May 30, 2015; WE GET IT. YOU LOVE GUN JESUS. Toujours des fusils Bullpup Fran�ais.

Thread thread on the forum.
What is the funniest post of them all?

Enfield posted:

idiot deers they get horny and have sex with each other and lay 30,000 deer eggs and suddenly your smashing into them on your motorcycle or chasing your dog around while it sprints desperately away hauling half a deer carcass. when i was a kid i had to sit around at dusk and shoot deer with an air rifle so they wouldnt eat all the tamaters. i had to slit a deer throat after it got tangled up in a barbed wire fence like a retard. every member of my immediate family has killed a deer with an automobile. you dont even need to hunt them anymore theyre more than capable of killing themselves and theres always about 7 or 8 little bambis ready to replace them. kill all the deer and eat their flesh is whatnibalways say

# ¿ Jun 28, 2016 00:58

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# ¿ Apr 26, 2024 17:35

EorayMel: May 30, 2015; WE GET IT. YOU LOVE GUN JESUS. Toujours des fusils Bullpup Fran�ais.

Scary Monster posted:

What about the quality of this data? I don't see how you can link 110 reports of rape to 50,000 instances of 'military sexual trauma' in any way. The numbers alone say they have to be unrelated. What are the 49890 other traumas? How many of these traumas are banged nuts on an obstacle course? Or a chafed sack from too much PT? If the information is obviously irrelevant why mention it without defining it?
Even sexual assault can mean an unwanted pat on the bum depending on how you define it.

If we believe that Square Pair's ex OSI guy for example is reliable, then at best 2/3 of this grand total of 110 reports are reliable only in the worst places.

Anyhow, this article stinks more like a troll constructed by either exploiting a couple rare examples or by being exploited by hostile agents than it does of a genuine avalanche of poopy semen like it claims.

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# ¿ Jan 26, 2019 23:28

EorayMel: May 30, 2015; WE GET IT. YOU LOVE GUN JESUS. Toujours des fusils Bullpup Fran�ais.

Rampansam posted:

Someone needs to close this crappy thread already.

I hope a Bizarre squid with a 14 inch "cock" force fucks your rear end.

(USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS POST)

# ¿ Feb 1, 2019 01:48

EorayMel: May 30, 2015; WE GET IT. YOU LOVE GUN JESUS. Toujours des fusils Bullpup Fran�ais.

I remembered this exists so here is the context post:

Shaman Linavi posted:

I tried goons, I really did.

I think someone posted these here, and when I saw them while going through the aisles at Wal-Mart I knew I had to try them.

These are even pretty nutritious:

Only 90% of my daily saturated fat and 43% of my sodium, not too bad.

That was as far as I made it. I type this with my hands permanently stained with the smell of greasy donut. The Hot Pepper Bacon Berry Jam, while having a pleasant aroma, was basically non-existent.
The burger was your average low quality frozen puck of "beef".
It looks like there was cheese on it but maybe it was only on the half I didn't eat.
And as you can see from my dinnerware, the donut had enough grease coming out of it with every squeeze to necessitate the use of a place mat and extra paper plate.

I do NOT recommend you try the Great Value Donut Cheeseburger.

But at least my fries were good.

The actual quote I wanted to share:

Picnic Princess posted:

That is the most incredible rear end in a top hat I've ever seen on a donut.

# ¿ Feb 2, 2019 01:38

EorayMel: May 30, 2015; WE GET IT. YOU LOVE GUN JESUS. Toujours des fusils Bullpup Fran�ais.

Umberto Neko posted:

this thread is a stupid poo poo rear end turd without ncf basically. peace bitches, gonna go post mean poo poo in gbs until i get baned.

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# ¿ Feb 3, 2019 02:42

EorayMel: May 30, 2015; WE GET IT. YOU LOVE GUN JESUS. Toujours des fusils Bullpup Fran�ais.

doctorawful posted:

I came in answering Q's. Not good enough.

I resorted to playing the part of a Goon. Not good enough.

Ban my rear end plz.

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# ¿ Feb 4, 2019 02:23

EorayMel: May 30, 2015; WE GET IT. YOU LOVE GUN JESUS. Toujours des fusils Bullpup Fran�ais.

sharknwater10 posted:

hey panzer you told me to post here so here iam (by the way im thepimpinshark)

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# ¿ Feb 6, 2019 16:28

EorayMel: May 30, 2015; WE GET IT. YOU LOVE GUN JESUS. Toujours des fusils Bullpup Fran�ais.

Fresh from the leper's colony:

mod sassinator posted:

Like I mentioned, those alternatives are far worse. Soy-based stuff that causes inflammation and maybe even worse effects from estrogen. Beans? You're not going to get the same amount of protein and you're going to get a ton of unnecessary carbs.

Don't kid yourself too, banana and peanut butter for breakfast is just as bad for a kid as a poptart. It's all insulin-spiking sugar-loaded poo poo. Scrambled eggs are much, much healthier (and cheaper).

edit: And seriously we're cheering on someone telling kids to eat peanuts?

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Corollary:

mod sassinator posted:

98%+ of plants on earth will kill you. It's only the ones we've engineered over hundreds and thousands of years to not produce as much toxins that we can safely eat. Green does not equal healthy.

Contextual corollary:

Push El Burrito posted:

One time I ate a green bean and my dick fell off.

# ¿ Feb 7, 2019 05:39

EorayMel: May 30, 2015; WE GET IT. YOU LOVE GUN JESUS. Toujours des fusils Bullpup Fran�ais.

gently caress I forgot this one so consider it a bonus to the above:

Jerob posted:

It also makes the development of agriculture seem completely illogical. "Don't worry Jim, one day this entire field of poison will adapt into delicious kale. Until then, let's go get that giant set of ribs from the drive thru and have it tip over our stone car. You know I love when they do that"

# ¿ Feb 7, 2019 05:50

EorayMel: May 30, 2015; WE GET IT. YOU LOVE GUN JESUS. Toujours des fusils Bullpup Fran�ais.

Peezy posted:

As the title says, lets all just spill our "guts" NOT LITERALLY OF COURSE!!

i am a good guy but my penis is too big for my body space a central idea belonging to those with the time to dwell on it tonight was fun eh? mate aka good friend isnt it nice that the whole concept behind math begets our previous FOUNDATION "foundation to earth this is..." not my brother PETER NOOOOOO!!!! remix the skating track DJ wheels aka my friend Frankie and then, he said, it couldnt get any higher... but for the ..... FIN

So what do you got?

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# ¿ Feb 8, 2019 02:25

EorayMel: May 30, 2015; WE GET IT. YOU LOVE GUN JESUS. Toujours des fusils Bullpup Fran�ais.

Requested user name posted:

GIMMICK< HA.

Jealous mothafuckas try to play me.

BOO-YAAAAA

GO BACK TO, uhh... wait. GO, um, GO gently caress,...

YEAH, BITCHESSS.

OH YEAH YOU GOTS OWNED.

I talk like this all tha tyme!!!]

YOU LIKE THOSE FUCKAS AT THU JOB INTAVIEWS< ALWAYS HAYTIN!!

I am literate.

I misread the post to the direct DL, I thought it was for a .torrent

:EMOTICON CONVEYING MESSAGE BETTER CONVEYED THROUGH SIMPLISTIC PICTURE THAN through WORDS:

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# ¿ Feb 8, 2019 16:08

EorayMel: May 30, 2015; WE GET IT. YOU LOVE GUN JESUS. Toujours des fusils Bullpup Fran�ais.

RoboHusky posted:

lulz.
gently caress somethingawful.
gently caress all of you.
You made fun of me, calling me weak and poo poo.
AND I loving HATE HOW YOU PIECES OF SHITS MAKE GIMMICK MATCHES.

and I loving hate how you pieces of shits make gimmick matches
gently caress gbs and its hivemind bullshit, hailing fascists such as OZMA, assholes like radium and Forum Superstars who think they're good but they're not. lionness and Shmorky is a loving furfag. GENRIC ADMINISTRATOR WAS RADIUM ALL ALONG YOU FUCKS. Fragmaster, you are one gently caress the somethingawful admin crew, they are the bane of the internet but in reality obnoxious gently caress heads who only want to make the somethingawful cult and they dont loving admit that they are in the loving wrong. Oh and somethingawful's loving front page is NOT FUNNY at all, it is lame and overdone yet you fucks still think it is funny. you also wanted to torrent, yet you denied it and covered it up with you pitty excuses not to pirate them.

gently caress GBS for it's degrading uneducated pieces of poo poo.
gently caress GAMES for being owned by the rear end in a top hat Nintendo empire whose only goal is to make profit.
gently caress Ask/Tell for being stupid dumbasses
gently caress Automotive INSANITY for wasting our precious resources.
gently caress the Firing range and TCC for haing illegal firearms and drugs Tthere should be gun control and police arrersting you for drug possession.
gently caress Debate and Discussion for having ANTI ENVIROMENTALIST UTOPIA and gently caress THEM ALSO FOR FOOLED BY THE CULT OF A loving MUSLIM CALLED OBAMA.
gently caress ADTRW for generating pedophiles and degrading culture as we know it.

and last of all.
gently caress YOU LOWTAX FOR TAKING MY loving MONEY AWAY FOR YOU GREED, MANGOSTEEN JUICE and YOUR GOOK WIFE.
ADMIN 5 FOREVER.

gently caress SOMETHINGAWFUL.

ADMIN 5, PETA, Consumers, Hillary Clinton and even those banned by YOUR loving DICTATORSHIP WILL HAVE REVENGE ON YOUR loving PITY ASSES.

I AM INDEPENDENT. I AM POPULAR.
MY INTELLIGENCE IS BETTER THEN YOU.
YOU ARE NOT.
YOU ARE OBNOXIOUS.
YOU ARE FAT.
YOU ARE ALL FOOLS OF THIS STUPID FORUM.

ALL OF YOU GOONS ARE loving ASSHOLES, YOU THINK YOU ARE BETTER THEN THE REST OF THE WORLD.

EVERYTHING MELTS AWAY LIKE ICE YET THE GLORY OF ADMIN5, THE GLORY OF SASS ARE THE ONLY THINGS THAT WILL REMAIN. SASS WILL NOT ONLY SURVIVE, IT WILL DOMINATE THE WORLD.

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# ¿ Feb 9, 2019 16:27

EorayMel: May 30, 2015; WE GET IT. YOU LOVE GUN JESUS. Toujours des fusils Bullpup Fran�ais.

piltdown posted:

There are free forums all over the internet, suckers

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# ¿ Feb 12, 2019 16:14

EorayMel: May 30, 2015; WE GET IT. YOU LOVE GUN JESUS. Toujours des fusils Bullpup Fran�ais.

Here's 2 funny forums quotes I remembered:

yeah actually they will posted:

I saw someone on the ironic pink Foad forum say "Sernie Banders" and I laughed so hard that my kidneys ruptured, causing my blood stream to fill with urea, killing me instantly

NomChompsky posted:

*escapes the bear and decides it's time to knock over your grill and break your screen door*

*im a deer im a goddamn piece of poo poo idiot*

Also while making this very post I figured out how to directly link to posts in long-since archived threads so you can go to the threads in question and learn the context (if it pleases you.) I feel stronger now :buddy:

# ¿ Feb 13, 2019 21:56

EorayMel: May 30, 2015; WE GET IT. YOU LOVE GUN JESUS. Toujours des fusils Bullpup Fran�ais.

BAD WILLIE posted:

Alright. I was at the mall today and saw this kid I knew from my highschool hanging out with some fly girl and handling her rear end and all that poo poo. He was walking with a swagger, trying to look all hard and everything. But he was a LITTLE BITCH back in HS and wasn't hard at all, EVERYONE would pick on him. So I walked up and told her, "why are you loving with him, he's a god drat PUSSY and isn't hard at all."

The moral of this story, well...there isn't one. But it gets me loving pissed when people who have no right to act hard are acting all hard.

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# ¿ Feb 14, 2019 04:51

EorayMel: May 30, 2015; WE GET IT. YOU LOVE GUN JESUS. Toujours des fusils Bullpup Fran�ais.

Shyvan posted:

Everyone treats these boards like each thread should be compared to legendary epic threads. Every new post gets reviewed like some college project. Just stay to the topic and stop treating this place like one big competition to see who can make the best drat post. I'm not here to impress anyone. I come here to kill time.

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# ¿ Feb 15, 2019 22:14

EorayMel: May 30, 2015; WE GET IT. YOU LOVE GUN JESUS. Toujours des fusils Bullpup Fran�ais.

A play in two posts:

MooseKuh posted:

too high at work

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MooseKuh posted:

uh.. stop smoking weed?

I mean I know that sounds crazy but I'm pretty sure it will work.

(USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS POST)

# ¿ Feb 18, 2019 18:17

EorayMel: May 30, 2015; WE GET IT. YOU LOVE GUN JESUS. Toujours des fusils Bullpup Fran�ais.

Big Beef City posted:

Everything tastes like a heart attack.
All vegetables are gross.
Fruit is too sour.
Seafood tastes like old people's pussy.
Looking at a pepper shaker once made my colon grow wings and fly out of my rear end.
Crust on bread just seems wrong to me.
If it doesn't come from a can, I don't need it.
I've never tried it but it seems terrifying and I immediately know it's disgusting because millions of people have been eating it for centuries, but I got it figured out from looking at a imgur link once.
Pizza? No. It's religion.

I know. Food can be hard for goons.

Look. Having french fries is as likely to drop you as eating grits once and a while. So. Don't loving do it all the time. You can just say "Oh ok I've had that." Without stating something like "Vanilla ice cream? I dunno man, I tried that. Seemed pretty sweet to me, you know??"

# ¿ Feb 18, 2019 23:44

EorayMel: May 30, 2015; WE GET IT. YOU LOVE GUN JESUS. Toujours des fusils Bullpup Fran�ais.

walrusman posted:

It's a product made by sociopaths, for sociopaths. Just as the internet can assemble the ten people on earth who like dressing up like Dora the Explorer and having sex with each other, validating their perversions and redoubling their conviction that there's nothing wrong with them, so can it provide an outlet for people who spend their leisure time drinking Coors and vaporizing small animals.

# ¿ Feb 19, 2019 15:50

EorayMel: May 30, 2015; WE GET IT. YOU LOVE GUN JESUS. Toujours des fusils Bullpup Fran�ais.

purple death ray posted:

The way goons will clown car into a thread and tell everyone how (food) is only real (food) if it's made with (ingredient) or (method) is honestly one of the worst things about this place. gently caress the nyt trying to put peas in guacamole, yes, but some poor fucker eating a snickers on his fifteen minute lunch break at target doesn't deserve to be ground into the dirt because he's eating Awful American Puke Candy.

The Funny Forums Quotes are coming from inside the thread!

# ¿ Feb 19, 2019 16:07

EorayMel: May 30, 2015; WE GET IT. YOU LOVE GUN JESUS. Toujours des fusils Bullpup Fran�ais.

EightBit posted:

That won't save you from people that have headphones in and are randomly wandering across the path. I'd rather play that game with horny deer, at least they have the good sense to run away.

# ¿ Feb 21, 2019 22:41

EorayMel: May 30, 2015; WE GET IT. YOU LOVE GUN JESUS. Toujours des fusils Bullpup Fran�ais.

Also a bonus too good to pass up before I forget:

I LIKE COOKIE posted:

I've never witnessed a torch accident but this one time we were really drunk smoking hookah and some clumsy drunk girl knocked the hookah over and the hookah coal burned a hole completely through the wicker table it was on and started the carpet on fire. I mean that poo poo just burned through the wicker table like a hot knife through butter, it was fast as gently caress. The table barely put up any resistance it was like the hookah coal just fell straight through it. And the table was a good 3 inches thick too it wasn't no lovely paper thin wicker table. The carpet caught on fire pretty loving fast too and it was pretty drat scary. For a second I really thought the whole loving house was about to burn to the ground.

Luckily, we got the carpet fire contained quickly by dousing it with water from the closest water source... which just so happened to be our nasty rear end gravity bong water. That loving smell. Oh. My. God.

Don't get me wrong, I'm glad we didn't burn the whole house down, but fuckkkk man. The combined forces of the burnt plastic-y wicker table, the burnt carpet, and the steaming hot 3 month old turd ridden butthole stank rear end gravity bong water, fuckkkkkk that smell still haunts me to this day. Of course the smell never fully went away and that room will forever be cursed by the stench of 'the day that dumb bitch knocked the hookah over'

The end

# ¿ Feb 21, 2019 23:01

EorayMel: May 30, 2015; WE GET IT. YOU LOVE GUN JESUS. Toujours des fusils Bullpup Fran�ais.

Unfortunately I cannot access this post, but the ban reason for it... :allears:

Only registered members can see post attachments!

# ¿ Feb 23, 2019 03:16

EorayMel: May 30, 2015; WE GET IT. YOU LOVE GUN JESUS. Toujours des fusils Bullpup Fran�ais.

Wow, you're kind of a dick. Next time try constructive criticism instead of sperging out about how a chef once made you cry over burned mushrooms.

MageMage posted:

I was in garde manger 2, which I had found pretty difficult. It dealt with terrains and things like beef wellington and making that puree coloured stuff. Advanced poo poo. The Chef was this grouchy old man. Almost all of the Chefs that taught us we're grouchy old men or grouchy old women. But this one was mean. I was so afraid of messing up, because he worked us like a drill seargent.

You see, this was at the California Culinary in San Francisco, and if you'd ever been inside there, there are two classes that are in front of windows so that guests can view the students as they ate or toured, so the pressure was always on in that class.

One day we had to make like 120 of one item. This was with no help, you had to do it on your own, then, the best items went out for guests to sample and people who paid to eat etc. and you were critiqued on the results if you were picked. I had to make appetizers or whatever they were called in garde manger in a certain amount of time.

I panicked and could not think of anything. We didn't have the variety of assorted ingredients that other classes had. I took 120 shitake mushrooms, took the stems off, then in a bowl I mixed goat cheese, pine nuts, thyme, salt and white pepper, possibly undeglazed wine, and possibly other items I cant remember, probably the mushroom stems. I put this mixture on the inside of the cap and used the cap as a base for the appetizer. I made 2 sheet pans of 60.

The first sheet pan, I tried to grill the shitakes. I threw 30 on the grill. The guts weren't cooking and the mushrooms were burning and they were slipping through the grill from tongs and spatulas, trying to pick them up and keep them from burning, and causing a terrible, gooey mess all over the place. I spent way too much time on it, and in my panic to finish I thought I could cook the second sheet pan in the smoker. What the hell was I thinking?!

While I'm waiting for my appetizers to 'cook' in the smoker the Head Chef took note of me just waiting there and saw my 30 uncooked mushroom cap appetizers. He walks up to me and shouts, causing the whole kitchen to go silent:

"WHAT IS THIS?!"

"It's... uh...." I almost sheepishly said "I don't know" but before I could he grabs one of the monstrosities, he takes a bite of one, chews twice and then leans over to this right, and spits the piece back out onto the sheet pan it came from.

"IT'S YUCKY!!"

*...yucky?* I thought, like someone telling Spongebob his crabby patty was garbage.

He throws the other piece of mushroom down on the sheet pan like he just made a touchdown! He picked up the sheet pan, elongated with one hand on each side, then hurls the sheet pan and all down into the large garbage receptacle like he made a big slam dunk.

He storms off through the back entrance with his Sous chef to smoke a cigarette. I guess I really ticked him off. After that incident, I felt afraid to go back, and with a week left put in to switch to the morning chef and make it up. It took me a long time to realize what I had done wrong.

You have to keep things simple.

The first thing you have to do when you get out of culinary school is, forget everything you ever learned in culinary school. Have fun with it now, have fun with the unique ingredients, I know I sure did, but realize the end result of culinary school is to broaden your mind and focus it. Broadening it is fun, but you will have to focus inevitably.

# ¿ Feb 23, 2019 04:41

EorayMel: May 30, 2015; WE GET IT. YOU LOVE GUN JESUS. Toujours des fusils Bullpup Fran�ais.

JacquelineDempsey posted:

Y'all really need to click that and read the whole thread (it's barely over one page). It's also has some links to Mage's greatest hits. The tl;dr is:

Goon in culinary school enters a contest, posts the dish, and respectfully asks GWS's opinion. GWS regulars offer genuine constructive crit. Then Mage swans in, brags about having gone to culinary school, makes that huge effortpost (EorayMel didn't even quote the whole thing), and appropriately gets dunked on.

My favorite reply was Mr. Wiggles's very succinct

(also, if you know anything about cooking, Mage is totally talking out her rear end, or maybe the rear end of the high horse she comes riding in on. "possibly undeglazed wine", lol)

I even used the burned mushroom line as a SA Hunger Games event message for the games I ran:

# ¿ Feb 23, 2019 19:22

EorayMel: May 30, 2015; WE GET IT. YOU LOVE GUN JESUS. Toujours des fusils Bullpup Fran�ais.

Brococrab posted:

This is my favorite forum. I think I should be banned.

too gay/too drunk to choose ban me as a tag.

gently caress tis forum sucks and i want every to know this

wow,, this better give me internet stardoom or gently caress i bave awasted 10 $ !)$ 10$when i had to send this by mial without a redit card

gently caress e/n you mae me regret SA when i was drunk, hoyu scuck

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# ¿ Feb 24, 2019 15:21

EorayMel: May 30, 2015; WE GET IT. YOU LOVE GUN JESUS. Toujours des fusils Bullpup Fran�ais.

fatal oopsie-daisy posted:

Yeah maybe cookie sandwiches taste better than broccoli but vegetables are actually healthy and good for you and help you not to die unlike beer which is just carbs and poison so nice argument I guess ????

# ¿ Feb 25, 2019 02:15

EorayMel: May 30, 2015; WE GET IT. YOU LOVE GUN JESUS. Toujours des fusils Bullpup Fran�ais.

the bitcoin of weed posted:

they're called research chemicals because you are turning yourself into a science experiment if you take them

Yorkshire Pudding posted:

Hey now, those deaths were for the scientific advancement of humanity. Much like the animals we sacrificed to facilitate space exploration, those brave goons died baking to death parked in their own driveway high off Chinese research chemicals so that we may better understand the universe.

EorayMel has a new favorite as of 18:29 on Feb 25, 2019

# ¿ Feb 25, 2019 18:24

EorayMel: May 30, 2015; WE GET IT. YOU LOVE GUN JESUS. Toujours des fusils Bullpup Fran�ais.

WatermelonGun posted:

It�s like that part in annihilation when the lady gives up and turns into flowers or whatever but i�m going to turn into a pile of dirty piss snow.

# ¿ Feb 26, 2019 18:05

EorayMel: May 30, 2015; WE GET IT. YOU LOVE GUN JESUS. Toujours des fusils Bullpup Fran�ais.

BENGHAZI 2 posted:

Suck my dick and play with my balls
Fa la la la la, la la I'm gay
Lick my dirty little rear end in a top hat
Fa la la la la, la la I'm gay
I have sex with my own father
Fa la la, la la, we are gay

# ¿ Mar 1, 2019 04:40

EorayMel: May 30, 2015; WE GET IT. YOU LOVE GUN JESUS. Toujours des fusils Bullpup Fran�ais.

Chrs Gry posted:

If your toilet is blocked up I�ve always just gotten a wire coat hanger, flattened it out and stuck it round the U-bend and given it a good wrangle. I realise just now how much this sounds like I�m giving the toilet a back alley abortion but it works a treat.

# ¿ Mar 2, 2019 01:24

EorayMel: May 30, 2015; WE GET IT. YOU LOVE GUN JESUS. Toujours des fusils Bullpup Fran�ais.

Let's move on, thread, with an actual funny forums quote. Like this one:

Frinkahedron posted:

A deer once ran into my house. My stationary house that has been there since the 40s.

Deer are just loving stupid.

# ¿ Mar 2, 2019 02:29

EorayMel: May 30, 2015; WE GET IT. YOU LOVE GUN JESUS. Toujours des fusils Bullpup Fran�ais.

Vincent Van Goatse posted:

Imagine an airliner cockpit with every single alarm going off at once because we're upside down and about to crash into a mountain while both wings are on fire and a hijacker has set off the bathroom smoke detectors and clogged the toilets as well. That's this thread.

# ¿ Mar 2, 2019 03:02

EorayMel: May 30, 2015; WE GET IT. YOU LOVE GUN JESUS. Toujours des fusils Bullpup Fran�ais.

Richard Dawkins posted:

A darfur orphan has it way worse then me, they live in poo poo.

I live in a apartment complex. I share a thin wall with a young lady, her young daughter, and her boyfriend (not the father of the daughter.)

Me and my wife have the headboard of our bed up against this thin wall, and sometimes we like to have really loud sex. Sometimes we have sex so loud I slow down and tell me wife" we are being too loud, the head bored is slamming against the wall." Often times she tells me "who cares just gently caress me."

Often times after we get done having sex, and we are cleaning up, I hear the little girl crying because "someone slamming the wall woke her up."

Well yesterday the boyfriend caught me coming home and told me "hey man, could you guys quit making so much noise before something bad happens." I just kind of brushed it off. Well yesterday night we had loud sex again. I woke up this morning and found a pretty big pile of poo poo on my welcome mat. Its their is no way its a dog, or any kind of animal. I'm 100% sure its a human poo poo.

What would you guys do in this situation? Should I call the police. I'm hoping someone else out there has ran into this type of situation. I don't want to compromise my sex life.

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

E: The thread that post goes to just keeps on giving, holy loving poo poo:

Richard Dawkins posted: posted:

We had loud sex twice in the span of maybe a month? Its not like every night we are getting it on and stuff.

Upright Sloth posted:

versus

"I'll gently caress whenever I want and get hosed yourself if you don't like it!"

If this guy backpedals any harder it's going to turn into Liu Kang's bicycle kick.

EorayMel has a new favorite as of 04:24 on Mar 2, 2019

# ¿ Mar 2, 2019 04:09

EorayMel: May 30, 2015; WE GET IT. YOU LOVE GUN JESUS. Toujours des fusils Bullpup Fran�ais.

Absurd Alhazred posted:

Pull up, thread! PULL UP

Here's a new Funny Forums Quote:

rageoflink posted:

go to a grocery store and go to the produce section and find a girl by any kind of melon. Say hey I like those melons you got there and who knows she might find you extremely creepy or she might think you're the funniest thing since...... idk but w/e you get the point.

gl

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Also from the other thread/post:

Data Graham posted:

Our forefathers fought and died for the right to gently caress their goodwives without the neighbors from the next clapboard shack calling the redcoats to come pound on their doors at one bell past mizzennight and demand of them a shilling and sixpence tribute to King George for the trouble of waking them up.

Now you suggest your doormat-squatting neighbor should be clapped in irons and shackled in the stocks in the village square for daring to express his own freedom of speech, thought, expression, and assembly of coiled piles of heirloom-obscuring offal. 'Tis you who be calling out the King's regiment to impose their onerous standards of social grace upon your fellow freeborn citizens.

I ask you, have you not become all that you most despise?

EorayMel has a new favorite as of 05:09 on Mar 2, 2019

# ¿ Mar 2, 2019 04:56

EorayMel: May 30, 2015; WE GET IT. YOU LOVE GUN JESUS. Toujours des fusils Bullpup Fran�ais.

ReverendScumbag posted:

Jesus Tittyfucking Christ, I wish Rent-A-Center didn't carry computers.

edit: That was pretty mean, what I meant to say was "I hope your whole family dies in a meth lab fire"

(USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS POST)

# ¿ Mar 2, 2019 23:16

EorayMel: May 30, 2015; WE GET IT. YOU LOVE GUN JESUS. Toujours des fusils Bullpup Fran�ais.

Post+probation reason combo:

KewlBiens posted:

girl goatse is the best goatse

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

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# ¿ Mar 4, 2019 03:33

EorayMel: May 30, 2015; WE GET IT. YOU LOVE GUN JESUS. Toujours des fusils Bullpup Fran�ais.

Ornamental Dingbat posted:

Is the PYF ban thread still a thing somewhere?

I don't know but I found this one:

https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3402828

Also shut up about BOTL and post more funny forums quotes. Like this:

super macho dude posted:

*Morbidly obese 40 yr old man decked out in an extra 80 lbs of black & neon green tacti-armor, bug out bag, naginata, throwing knives, taser gloves, wakazashi, and chain sword*

Yup, I'm ready for the inevitable financial apocalypse that the bible talks about.

# ¿ Mar 5, 2019 02:57

EorayMel: May 30, 2015; WE GET IT. YOU LOVE GUN JESUS. Toujours des fusils Bullpup Fran�ais.

E.T. NO HOMO posted:

If I was a doctor of asses and you came to my doctors office cindy would be like "THE DOCTOR WILL BE IN TO LOOK AT YOUR SNAKE rear end IN JUST A MOMEY" and then I'd come in after lots of snickering from the lobby and tell you to MURDER THAT SNAKE WITH YOUR CHEEK MUSCLES SNAP THAT FUCKERS HEAD OFF and if you didnt have the guts I'd put that snake right up my own rear end and BREAK IT IN HALF and then bill you like $30,000 cause my sphinc is a national resource

# ¿ Mar 5, 2019 15:15

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# ¿ Apr 26, 2024 17:35

EorayMel: May 30, 2015; WE GET IT. YOU LOVE GUN JESUS. Toujours des fusils Bullpup Fran�ais.

Farmer Crack-rear end posted:

heh, ^hehand get this, why the ~~FFUUCCKK~~ would you waste your time by getting together with friends^heh to eat??? YOU HAVE FOOD at YOUR HOUSE, DUMBASS!! ^heh ^heh

juust EAT THE FOOD on your ownown~~own~~ time and SAVE EVERYONE else the _misery of^heh WATCHING YOUR FAT FUCKASS FACE _gobblegobble^GOBBLE the ~~heinous~~ quantities oF poo poo^heh you shove l into your GODDAMN^heh MAW EVERY GODDAMN ~~DAY~~ !!

^heh

# ¿ Mar 7, 2019 05:12

The Something Awful Forums > Main > Post Your Favorite: Carefully Curated > PYF: Funny Forum Quotes: Kirk Johnson's didgeridoo-like farts

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