Guy Mann posted:

quote:

Grettings! How do you do and Grettings., FROM turkiye!

I have put cums, many times, in sister and mother. Sex is perfected, logistically. nO problem boss! Got very good manual like IKEA style and, further also, private lessons with dear uncle in cattle shed between aeges 8-14. but now i want to buy my own woman for myself. it is time i am a man now.

HOWEVER! problem, my big problem! read the other forums And they say many things! cConfusing crazy storiess very much! gbs say i have to research the fembolism, which killed dear uncle. the mentally ill child pastime forum say i have to play as the weak girl in Mass Effect. ok, i will do that, i think. But cannot! I searched google wih the internet and prices my god! xbox is too expensive. i adulterate as much jew meat as possible with pork but, to pay for this, would need entire family of pigs. it cost even more than a wife! what i can do?

Masked Pumpkin posted:

quote:

I just want to remind everyone of something.

One of the most loathsome people to ever loving live on this planet, Ted Cruz, backstabbed and hosed over every person he came in contact with for the past four years, forced his party into a bunch of no-win scenarios that made them look stupid and clueless, and generally called out everyone in his entire party as a bunch of commiesymp Islamolibs who want to dress up as a gay-married woman and gently caress a child in a public bathroom. He did all of these things knowingly, burning every bridge he's ever crossed, mauling every hand that's ever fed him, all in service of one dream: He would become the Republican nominee in 2016 and win the Presidency and then the trail of blood and nightmares he left behind wouldn't matter because gently caress you I'm POTUS that's why.

He sacrificed everything to this goal, and he's going to lose to the political equivalent of the Fukushima meltdown. His strategy would (probably) have worked! It's pretty clear that the JEB! never stood a chance regardless of how much money he raised because he's a loving walking Ambien who conservatives thoroughly despise, Scott Walker couldn't even figure out how to hire someone who understood things like "a budget," Ben Carson looks like an attractive candidate up until he has to speak in anything other than meaningless fortune-cookie platitudes, etc. All that work, all that planning, all that treachery, all that time.

ALL FOR loving NOTHING AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

He's been reaching for this brass ring his entire life, leaning farther and farther out from his carousel horse. What would he lose first, his balance, or his nerve? But he never flinched, leaning out further and further with each turn of the carousel, and then just before, just before his fingertip brushed it a tiny orange hand came out of nowhere and took that bitch right away from him, right in front of him, and there was never anything he could do to stop it. Now all that's left is the fall.

There aren't words in any language to describe the joy it brings me to see such a heinous, hateful motherfucker destroyed in such a gut-wrenching, miserable way. Tonight was the beginning of Ted Cruz's descent to a talk radio host saying things like, "Well, when I was in the United States Senate, let me tell you..."

Ted is a mess. Ted is a waste.

Chichevache posted:

The word filter really makes that post.

om nom nom posted:

I don't know what made me think of this one but I'm glad I did, great to re read


https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3281586&pagenumber=1&perpage=40

https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3290020&pagenumber=1&perpage=40

The first link is for reference (guy builds absurd zip line for kids camp, asks goons how to unfuck it) and the second link (fyad responds)is the funniest thing I have ever read on something awful. I'd quote it but all 15 pages of the fyad thread are gold I promise it's worth the click

a kitten posted:

Ingwit is one of the funniest posters to ever be on this site, so that one at least is a joke.

He took the already funny Ultimate Hustler thread and shot it through the stratosphere.

http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=2473759&userid=0&perpage=40&pagenumber=1

Tasteful Dickpic posted:

you shouldn't quote stymie

Palpek posted:

I will not forget GBS 2.0 for all the great photoshop threads we did together:

http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3697271
http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3678761
http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3586028

*sheds tear*

ChickenOfTomorrow posted:

freeedr posted:

Terrible Robot posted:

Breetai posted:

I just realised that the Granos joke thread was from 2007.

Your Gay Uncle posted:

Powaqoatse posted:

Cheesefarting goon:
https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3512850

Weirdly it turns out he was also militantly against eating meat?!

Karate Bastard posted:

I never clicked the selfie thread before, because to the best of my knowledge I didn't really stand to gain from looking at goons. Turns out that was a mistake. Even the very first page has me in stitches good job good lord

U.T. Raptor posted:

redneck nazgul posted:

mike pence for president 2020: please clop

Absurd Alhazred posted:

Toilet Shoes posted:

Quoting this for my inevitable ban and dismissal from this web forum. I fully intend this to be my last post.

You have no one to blame for this site, and all of its shortcomings or far reachings to blame, but yourself. You are both your own worst enemy and your greatest advocate there is.

And now with the lovely preamble out of the way.

You've posted your problems and your woes on this site. You've outlined what it is and how it is you've "suffered" for this site. You continually communicate how everything is horrible and yet, you've never once said. "Welp, I hosed up."

In the short time that I have been tasked with being an observer, I've seen numerous chances and opportunities for you to step in as a leader and make yourself some cash. In all accounts you have flat out screwed the god damned pooch.

I'm not going to make a list. That's what asshats who do not wish to see their environment be bettered do.

You're it Lowtax and I am now sure that you know that. You understand that you and you alone are in charge of this heap. You've chosen every path and turn that has lead you here.

You, and you alone, are to blame for everything and anything that comes of this site. "Good or "bad".

You are the only one that can control this motley bullshit and yet you choose not to.





There it is Rich. You are loving off your responsibility on others and yelling at them, and others, when poo poo that you decide not to get involved in doesn't go your way.

You got a wife and kids. Which means you know what responsibility is.



And at that point we can deduce that this whole bullshit is just for your entertainment. You get to choose who pays you ten bucks and who doesn't. You get to be king poo poo of this pointless hill and you revel in it.

but this isn't anything you haven't heard before, now is it?

Nah. Your rear end has already read multiple death threats to you and your entire family. And if you actually took any of them seriously you would have reacted to them, but you haven't.

Which yet again means that you reveal in this bullshit of a website you have created.

You love being king poo poo over people's Alexander Hamilton's. And I and the rest of us are no one to take it away, except by means of simply not giving you any way of enabling your continued spiral into obscurity, which you so wantonly desire.




Here is what I think most people would simply put before you.

Be the leader of Somethingawful.com or loving divest yourself of the bullshit and move the gently caress on with your life and take the cash payout, which we all are not naive enough to just dismiss. Motherfucker you have made a site that is still very loving relevant some 20 years later. There is still value here.

So what do people that hold valuable things that want money but not responsibility do? They take the cash value and let someone else deal with the headache.

But you Richard, you instead post about how it all is a burden and you wish to improve it and so on and so forth.

And yet here we are.

Stagnant.




What is your pride worth Richard?

(USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS POST)

Paladinus posted:

Lol at all of it profoundly.

Zipperelli. posted:

Schadenfreude for people in Texas who spent tons of money on hurricane prep: Harvey has been downgraded to Cat 1, and is expected to be downgraded again here soon.

Snowglobe of Doom posted:

That time that poster Wayne Gretzky posted photos of his testicles in every subforum was majestic and awe-inspiring

Edit:
https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3400714&pagenumber=37&perpage=40#post402969232
https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=2818213&pagenumber=95&perpage=40#post402969175
https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=2834226&pagenumber=948&perpage=40#post402969178
https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3341748&pagenumber=215&perpage=40#post402969189
https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3044360&pagenumber=112&perpage=40#post402969201
https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3035373&pagenumber=10&perpage=40#post402969165
https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3418617&pagenumber=278&perpage=40#post402972477
https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3171064&pagenumber=58&perpage=40#post402969212
https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3478077&pagenumber=7&perpage=40#post402972945
https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=2734807&pagenumber=40&perpage=40#post402973004

Ugly In The Morning posted:

Phone posting, so it's hard to copy and paste it out of quote format without butchering it, but click this and it'll take you there.

Silver Alicorn posted:

scott mueller’s upgrading and repairing PCs had a little story about how the computers at the Mauna Kea observatory needed special hermetically sealed drives because commodity drives didn’t work at high altitude

indigi posted:

hmm, it'd be nice if Mueller could upgrade and repair our government

flakeloaf posted:

this also involves raising a piece of shiny metal to an extreme height, then lowering it again

trapped mouse posted:

She wouldn't happen to be American would she?

Dumb Lowtax posted:

More than 2 kids got brain damage I think

quote:

gently caress all the pop song puppy love bullshit. Your heart skipping a beat isn't love, it's cardiac arrhythmia. It's not about shortness of breath, either, or how turned on you get or whether you tell yourself you'd throw yourself in front of a bus for her or whatever. You can convince yourself of a lot about how you feel and what you would do in exchange for regular oral sex.
Love is when she drives you insane sometimes. And I don't mean merely "aggravating" or "annoying," I mean flat-out loving in. Sane. And in a way nobody else can do it in a million years. She'll drive you to the point where you'd gouge out your own eyeball with a melon baller or smack your scrotum a half-dozen times with a ball peen hammer if it means you can be done with this conversation. She'll make you want to chew your own arm off to get out of talking about this. And I don't care how many loving times you've had this conversation, each time, you know you'll have it again:

Her: I thought you turned the heat on.
You: I did.
Her: Well, I'm still cold. Are you sure you did it right?
You: Yes, I'm pretty sure I know how to turn on a thermostat.
Her: 'Cause you know you have to flip the switch to "heat" and....
You: Honey! I know! How to turn on! A thermostat! I went to college for it and everything.
Her: Well, I don't feel any heat blowing in here.
You: I know. I think you broke the thermostat again.
Her: I didn't break it.
You: Yes, you did, you put that halogen lamp right next to it again.
Her: That doesn't do anything.
You: Yes, it does.
Her: I thought you fixed it?
You: I did fix it, and you broke it again.
Her: Are you sure you fixed it right?
You: Yes, goddammit, I fixed it right.
Her: How do you know you fixed it?
You: 'Cause it worked when I fixed it!
Her: Well, it's not working now.
You: 'Cause you broke it again!
Her: How'd I break it?
You: You put the goddamn, loving lamp next to it!
Her: I don't see why a lamp would break a thermostat.
You: OK. I'm going to explain this. One more time. Slowly. Thermostats have a coil inside them that expands and contracts based on the temperature. This is how they know when it is hotter than the setting of the A/C, so it can cool the room off, or colder than the setting of the heating, so it can heat the room up. Halogen lamps generate heat. Halogen lamps generate a lot of heat. That's why you burn your fingers when you touch the bulbs after they've been on for a while. So when you put a halogen lamp next to a thermostat, it causes the coil to keep expanding and expanding and expanding past the point it's intended to expand. This makes the thermostat think it's really, really hot all the time, and it makes the coil less sensitive in the future, and it'll eventually break the coil so I'll have to replace the thermostat.
Her: That doesn't sound right.
You: Trust me. It's right.
Her: How do you know?
You: BECAUSE I TOOK SIXTH GRADE loving PHYSICS, OK?!
Her: Well, I don't think they should make thermostats that can be broken by something little like a lamp.
You: Fine. Don't think that. Write a letter to the manufacturers. Write a letter to universities and tell them to build a better thermostat. I don't loving care. But that's how they make them. That's why I keep moving the lamp, that's why I keep telling you not to put it back to the right of the bookcase, that's why I've had to fix the thermostat four loving times now. Stop! Putting! The lamp! Right! Next! To the thermostat!
Her: But on the other side of the bookcase, the front of the hallway is dark, and I can't see inside my gift closet.
You: Well, you can turn on the hall light to go through your gift closet, or you can sit here and be cold! Your choice, honey!
Her:
You:
Her:
You:
Her: I don't think you fixed the thermostat right.
You: GOD-MOTHERFUCKING-DAMMIT, I'M GOING TO FIX THAT MOTHERFUCKING THERMOSTAT TOMORROW, AND I SWEAR TO MOTHERFUCKING CHRIST IF YOU PUT THE LAMP NEAR THE THERMOSTAT AGAIN, I WILL SMASH IT TO A MILLION loving PIECES AND SHOVE THEM DOWN YOUR GODDAMN THROAT!!! MOTHERFUCK ME, JESUS!!!!!!

And if the seventh time you have that conversation, knowing full well there will be an eighth time, you'd still rather have that conversation again than imagine a world she's not in, you're in love.
Especially if you do fix that thermostat... again... the next day, and not just so she'll shut up about it, but because you really don't want her to be cold anymore.

Krankenstyle posted:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oG-kEchCKHo

wayfinder posted:

Lobok posted:

Bet her parents are proud she's college bound.