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flerp
Feb 25, 2014


Khris Kruel posted:

I humbly accept my loss and blame the fact I had never read a time travel fiction story and wanted to see what I could do.

Will do better next time

please do

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dreadmojo
Oct 23, 2010



Legit Cyberpunk

my next three dome stories will have a on them

skwidmonster
Mar 31, 2015

THUNDERDOME LOSER


Khris Kruel posted:

I humbly accept my loss and blame the fact I had never read a time travel fiction story and wanted to see what I could do.

Will do better next time

How dare you be humble you piece of poo poo

Jonked
Feb 15, 2005

by exmarx


I'm in.

crabrock
Aug 2, 2002

aka sticklegs



Grimey Drawer

TD CXCI: We Talk Good



OK CHUNDERDUDS, LISTEN UP. Your assignment this week is to write some dialogue that doesn't loving suck a giant turd out of a literary butthole.

We are focusing on DIALOG this week. Like, the stuff in between still needs to matter, but the person who wins this week will give me the most engaging coversation. There are some contraints your entry must fall in:

1. The entire story must be one conversation between two characters. Your chars can change locations, etc, but it must be one unbroken convo.
2. At least half of your story must be dialog between these two chars. I will loving count, so don't try to scam me.
3. If you have more than two characters, THEY CAN'T loving TALK.
4. You may not use a dialog sentence shorter than 5 words. No "Yeah"s, etc.
5. No cussing. Use personal discretion here.

I do not expect you to wrap up a story this week, so vignettes are cool. This is literally just you writing a loving good conversation between two characters. So that you can laser focus on the dialog, you have a small limit of 500 words. I want this poo poo edited. I want it sharp. I want Moonlighting meets Gilmore Girls meets Pulp Fiction.

Wordcount: 500
Signup Deadline: Friday, April 1, 23:59 EST
Submission Deadline:Sunday, April 3, 23:59 EST

A few tips: Don't have characters say their emotions, and don't use words to advance the plot. For example "I can't believe you cheated on me, you jerk!" or "we must get to the movie theater!" are both loving stupid sentences to write. "I'm surprised you could find a floozy without a sense of smell," or "'Ghost' is playing at 10, and if we miss it I'll impale myself on a pottery wheel" are both better, because they tell you the same information but aren't just stating the obvious. These sentences further characterization while imparting information. Also, don't drone on and on and on back and forth. Break it up with actions.

Write your story. Hit your story beats, then go back through and start thinking how you can tweak each sentence to say something interesting rather than something obvious. A good sentence will do both. Good luck!

Judges: crabrock, ???, ???

Smooth talkers:
00. Jonked who is stupid and signed up early
01. flerp
02. Sitting Here
03. anime was right
04. newtestleper
05. 3.141592653
06. Grizzled Patriarch
07. curlingiron bad suggestions
08. ChairChucker bird story
09. A Classy Ghost
10. Paladinus
11. Lazy Beggar
12. hotsoupdinner
13. Spectres of Autism
14. Carl Killer Miller
15. SteveHarveyOswald
16. Jocoserious
17. sparksbloom
18. Kharmakazy
19. Titus82 no drugs
20. Mercedes far away
21. Thranguy new experience
22. Killer-of-Lawyers
23. Tyrannosaurus
24. Ironic Twist bad news
25. Kaishai

crabrock fucked around with this message at Apr 4, 2016 around 02:35

flerp
Feb 25, 2014


yeah im in and also flashing myself: no dogs

Sitting Here
Dec 31, 2007


Blood Empress of Thunderdome

Tap to emit spores


Clapping Larry

im in dickshits

anime was right
Jun 27, 2008

death is certain
keep yr cool


in this like guiness

newtestleper
Oct 30, 2003


Dialogue is something I am not comfortable with, so in

3.141592653
Mar 6, 2016


In!

Grizzled Patriarch
Mar 27, 2014

These dentures won't stop me from tearing out jugulars in Thunderdome.




In.

curlingiron
Dec 15, 2006

Adventure Awaits!


Fun Shoe

This sounds fun. In, and I'd like a flash rule.

Chairchucker
Nov 14, 2006

The man was stunningly well dressed. He had a smart looking jacket, and a really neat looking cape, the lining of which was shimmering and sparkling in more than Oriental splendour, which is a great deal of splendour indeed, just ask Kipling.

In and a flash rule please.

crabrock
Aug 2, 2002

aka sticklegs



Grimey Drawer

Chairchucker posted:

In and a flash rule please.

your story has a bird in it, but it's not one of the speaking characters. however it can violate the normal restrictions and say some words if you want.

A Classy Ghost
Jul 21, 2003

this wine has a fantastic booquet


crabrock posted:

your story has a bird in it, but it's not one of the speaking characters. however it can violate the normal restrictions and say some words if you want.

thats a good flash rule




for a CLOWN to give



in

Paladinus
Jan 11, 2014



'You know, some people say my dialogues suck the least', he half-said half-screamed in a shrill voice with all possible speech impediments.

Lazy Beggar
Dec 9, 2011


"In."

hotsoupdinner
Apr 12, 2007
eat up

In.

Sitting Here
Dec 31, 2007


Blood Empress of Thunderdome

Tap to emit spores


Clapping Larry

I have just been informed that Spectres of Autism wants in, though he doesn't have forums access at this moment.

Carl Killer Miller
Apr 28, 2007




Thanks as always. More motivation to wreck this guy in our brawl.

Edit: IN IN IN

SteveHarveyOswald
Aug 31, 2015

by Lowtax


I am in.

Jocoserious
Jun 9, 2014

LOOK OVER HERE!!


In.

crabrock
Aug 2, 2002

aka sticklegs



Grimey Drawer

curlingiron posted:

I'd like a flash rule.

[at least] one of your characters must give bad suggestions

sparksbloom
Apr 30, 2006


In.

Carl Killer Miller
Apr 28, 2007


BRAWL vs newtestleper, judged on by sebmojo:

'First Flight of the Kormorans' (482 words)

The regal kormoran nests on a plateau about five hundred feet from the warm Pacific surrounded by a dense, dangerous grassland . We have identified a classic nest with the father departed, the mother literally ruling the roost, and gaggle of fledgling birds, flapping their tiny wings, following their matron. We've followed it from the first branch laid down. Early on, they were almost indistinguishable from pigeons, a cluster of cheepingly adorable hungry gullets in a nest built from small sticks and, clearly, the lifeblood of their mother.

As the hatchlings grew and left their nest, our crew fell in love with two. Julian had a gorgeous tuft of feathers just above his beak and Ricky wandered dumbly around the peak with ignorant impunity. As Julian grew, his fellow hatchlings followed him across and around. He was a strutter. Ricky grew fat and sat near his nest, still full of eggshells. Their maturity was, however, mirrored below.

Just as it was the season for the kormoran hatchlings' first flight, it was time for the shade fox kits' first meals. Their fur had just begun to redden. The cubs crept clumsily through the grass below. They'd learn to hunt as their prey learned to fly.

When their mother hen deemed it appropriate, she marshalled the hatchlings into a stiff line at the side of their cliff home. Her walk morphed from a casual waddle into a near-perfect Patton. She marched the line, from end to end then paused briefly, planted one webbed foot on clumsy Ricky, then kicked her child off the cliff.

Our hearts stopped as he tumbled, turning end-over-end for a second that to us, a crew who had watched him hatch, felt like an eternity. Then, instinct kicked. Little Ricky's wings seemed to burst from his body. The first flap was uncoordinated and unsure, the second more sure, and the third in harmony. As the fox kits yipped, Ricky crossed the plain. We watched and waited as he hit the water, going under entirely and disappearing. Yet, we couldn't focus on the churning waters long as our bold friend Julian was booted from the cliff.

He tumbled like Ricky, though his wings unfurled a moment later than his brother's. As he began his first flight, a pit opened in my stomach: only one of his wings had opened. Two hundred feet from the water, he hit the plain and tumbled violently. We learned then that kormorans can run, but foxes run much faster. Julian had taken a dozen steps before the kits, having slavered for weeks, were upon him. We looked on, tears in our eyes, as our tiny friend was consumed.

Then, we noticed that Ricky had bobbed to the surface. He could swim and the foxes could not. The mother hen continued to kick hatchlings from the ledge as Ricky swam victoriously, having survived the flight of the kormorans.

newtestleper
Oct 30, 2003


edited out.

newtestleper fucked around with this message at Jan 7, 2017 around 10:36

skwidmonster
Mar 31, 2015

THUNDERDOME LOSER


Anybody up for a crit for crit on week CXC?

flerp
Feb 25, 2014


skwidmonster posted:

Anybody up for a crit for crit on week CXC?

me! me! pick me!

dreadmojo
Oct 23, 2010



Legit Cyberpunk

judgment

These were both riddled with irritating flaws, crappy punctuation mistakes and way too many adverbs. But one of them delivered a jumbled mound of (mildly engaging) story bits with the wrappers and price tags still on and the other actually built me a little story house in a few hundred words. Newt takes it with a metre or two to spare.

newtestleper
Oct 30, 2003



terrible judging! I can only find one adverb in my whole story!

(I'll grant you the irritating errors and punctuation)

dreadmojo
Oct 23, 2010



Legit Cyberpunk

newtestleper posted:

terrible judging! I can only find one adverb in my whole story!

(I'll grant you the irritating errors and punctuation)

It was a really bad one.

crabrock
Aug 2, 2002

aka sticklegs



Grimey Drawer

newtestleper posted:

terrible judging! I can only find one adverb in my whole story!

I just woke up so i probably missed a few

newtestleper posted:

was like
was only
was just
she'd ever
finally speaking
carefully folded
been so
leaped clear
back-flipped away
smashed through

Chairchucker
Nov 14, 2006

The man was stunningly well dressed. He had a smart looking jacket, and a really neat looking cape, the lining of which was shimmering and sparkling in more than Oriental splendour, which is a great deal of splendour indeed, just ask Kipling.

If those count as adverbs, then the guidance to avoid using adverbs is useless garbage and should be ignored by everyone.

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006

I failed to submit because I was so excited about New Zealander Tim Price winning the Burghley Horse Trials on the quirky but freakishly talented Ringwood Sky Boy

How Can Adverbs Be Real If Our Eyes Aren't Real?

crabrock
Aug 2, 2002

aka sticklegs



Grimey Drawer

i wasn't passing any judgement on whether or not they were appropriate, just fact checking that he "only used 1."

PANTS ON FIRE

skwidmonster
Mar 31, 2015

THUNDERDOME LOSER


flerp posted:

me! me! pick me!

Done and done

Carl Killer Miller
Apr 28, 2007


Tyrannosaurus posted:

How Can Adverbs Be Real If Our Eyes Aren't Real?

Where we're going, we don't need adverbs

Edit: anyone with a high tolerance for poo poo mind critting my last 2 subs? The brawl entry and the 3-part flash fiction from last week, or either, or both, or just send me a word doc that says 'gently caress you' in 40 point Arial.

Carl Killer Miller fucked around with this message at Mar 30, 2016 around 18:12

A Classy Ghost
Jul 21, 2003

this wine has a fantastic booquet


Carl Killer Miller posted:

Where we're going, we don't need adverbs

Edit: anyone with a high tolerance for poo poo mind critting my last 2 subs? The brawl entry and the 3-part flash fiction from last week, or either, or both, or just send me a word doc that says 'gently caress you' in 40 point Arial.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/...dit?usp=sharing

newtestleper
Oct 30, 2003


Carl Killer Miller posted:

Where we're going, we don't need adverbs

Edit: anyone with a high tolerance for poo poo mind critting my last 2 subs? The brawl entry and the 3-part flash fiction from last week, or either, or both, or just send me a word doc that says 'gently caress you' in 40 point Arial.

You'll get crits from the judges. Sometimes it takes a while.

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Carl Killer Miller
Apr 28, 2007



I feel really bad for you.

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