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spectres of autism
Feb 12, 2011

~it's like people say we're all gonna die
but me it's different i'm not trying to be alive~





i saw this in my nightmares and it wasnt consensual

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Mercedes
Mar 7, 2006

"So you Jesus?"

"And you black?"

"Nigga prove it!"

And so Black Jesus turned water into a bucket of chicken. And He saw that it was good.


Black Griffon posted:

Oh who cares, I'm sure we'll all survive this too. And besides I'm an OG from the old potato days and I'll break a rule or two if I feel like it.

Edit: loving brawl me, kid.

What happened with this? Looking for your balls/tits?

Black Griffon
Mar 12, 2005

Now, in the quantum moment before the closure, when all become one. One moment left. One point of space and time. I know who you are.

You are destiny.


What, do I have to twice confirm my will to fight or something? Jeezy christ you people.

QuoProQuid
Jan 12, 2012

WHO LOVES BLOOD SODA?
KEL LOVES BLOOD SODA!


I do. I do. I do-oo.


Thunderdome CCI Results


an illustration of how i felt reading your stories this week

Hi there, everyone. Thank you for participating in Week 201, Old Russian Joke. Before we get onto the judging, I would like to leave you with a brief public service announcement.

When you write in the future, please know that the rules of grammar do, in fact, apply. As difficult as it may be to imagine, Strunk and White weren't lying when they wrote things like:

quote:

5. Do not join independent clauses by a comma.

or

quote:

11. Use the active voice.

The active voice is usually more direct and vigorous than the passive:

I shall always remember my first visit to Boston.

This is much better than

My first visit to Boston will always be remembered by me.

or

quote:

13. Make sure the reader knows who is speaking.

Dialogue is a total loss unless you indicate who the speaker is. In long dialogue passages containing no attributives, the reader may become lost and be compelled to go back and reread in order to puzzle the thing out. Obscurity is an imposition on the reader, to say nothing of its damage to the work.

In dialogue, make sure that your attributives do not awkwardly interrupt a spoken sentence. Place them where the break would come naturally in speech ó that is, where the speaker would pause for emphasis, or take a breath. The best test for locating an attributive is to speak the sentence aloud.

If you have trouble with grammar during your first draft, that's fine. If, however, you decide not to proofread and post a story riddled with errors and missing words, the judges will hate your guts. Forever. Please do not make me hate you.

Now, with that out of the way, letís announce the results. This weekís Dishonourable Mentions go to Chili and Fuubi. These were both profoundly bad stories that would have lost in any other week. Chili, your story stars an extremely boring protagonist who inexplicably commits murder-suicide in a ridiculous fashion. Fuubi, your story reads like sixth-grader doing a Powerpoint presentation on The Silmarillion. Both of you are getting sent to Siberia.

Luckily, I can appreciate effort. You both tried to produce something, which is more than can be said of the Loser, magnificent7. Mag, you very clearly did not care about this week. Your submission is barely a story, much less appropriate for the prompt. Congratulations on earning the literary equivalent of an ice-pick in the skull.

I wish I could say that there were some very good stories to balance out these very bad submissions, but unfortunately this week was not strong for anyone. Each submission was deeply flawed. Nonetheless, my co-judges and I thought it appropriate to award an Honourable Mention to Thranguy. Despite the parentheticals and the ending, your protagonist had the strongest voice of any character this week. I would very much like to see you edit and expand your submission into something longer. This weekís winner is Benny Profane. Though very little happens in your story, you have some lovely prose and manage to set a really nice tone.

Alright, Benny Profane, you have command of the Thunderdome Revolution.

QuoProQuid
Jan 12, 2012

WHO LOVES BLOOD SODA?
KEL LOVES BLOOD SODA!


I do. I do. I do-oo.


Week 201 Critiques, Part I

The Other Side of the Wall
  • Author: Marshmallow Blue
  • Plot: The leader of a firing squad gets shot by his intended victim for being too awkward with a gun. Later, he gets released from prison and everything is cool again?
  • Thoughts: Opening two paragraphs give me a clear, if unsubtle, sense of what is happening but the prose is awkward and stilted. A lot of your imagery is discordant or doesnít make sense.

    I can imagine you imagining this as a movie in your head. The ruggedly handsome lead leans against a bloody wall with a pile of bodies next to him (because thatís what ruggedly handsome leads do in gritty movies), reminiscing on the carnage around him. Unfortunately, this is not a movie and you canít rely on cinematography to tell the story for you. The killings imagined by Alex would be better told as action sequences. It would be more interesting to see Alex kill these people than to listen to him dispassionately list their deaths. My mind strays to the book Ordinary Men: Reserve Police Battalion 101 and the Final Solution in Poland, which manages to capture the numb ďitís me or them; I have no choiceĒ mentality that perpetuates mass killings.

    The attitude of your characters to violence is a bit off. The dialogue (ďBreak is over, there is a rebellion to crush.Ē) is too flippant to give the violence meaning, but Alexís internal monologue is too serious to suggest depersonalization. Mass death tends to drive people into severe depression (because they are unable to justify what they are doing) or it becomes a kind of game (because they are able to justify what they are doing too well. See: Rwanda, Bosnia.) Writing suggests a lack of familiarity with mass atrocities, but I donít begrudge you for trying something difficult.

    Okay, so the purge victim manages to steal Alexís gun. Seems to me that either Alex is extremely incompetent or the purge-victim is a superhero. Being shot in the gut is not something you just bounce back from. Rest of the story is pretty bland and predictable, but the worst is Alexís lack of agency. He makes no choices or decisions and spends the entire story being ordered around by other people. Heís a passive observer in his own life who makes no decisions whatsoever.

    The ending seems tacked on to fulfill the requirements of the prompt. The line, ďAlex walked from prison,Ē has me confused. Did Alex get sent to jail for his participation in the crackdown? Was the rebellion put down or was it successful? I donít have enough details to really care about it either way (the people could be revolting over cookies for all I know) but it leaves a sour taste in my mouth.Iím not sure I really want Alex, a man who has participated in war crimes, to live happily ever after. Your story leaves me feeling hollowed-out but thatís probably because I spent a lot of time thinking about the Holocaust.

  • Story Elements to Improve Upon: Show donít tell. If you are going for grim-dark, I would rather see all these crazy atrocities than have someone tell me about them. Also, give your characters agency. Have them make a choice that affects the ending of the story. Otherwise, I have no reason to care what they do.
  • Recommended Reading: Girl at War by Sara Novic talks about acts of extreme violence and their impact on people.
  • Rating: 3.5/10 (I wanted to DM this story. Thank kaishai and sparks that it didnt)

Grim callings
    Author: Chernabog
    Plot: A man ventures out into the woods to save someone, with a little help from Death.
    Thoughts: Opening paragraph is mildly interesting, if a bit awkward. Aim for shorter, more readable sentences. Also remember that a comma is not a semicolon and cannot bind two independent thoughts together. Unfortunately, I donít have any sense of what your central conflict is going to be yet. A bad sign.

    The second paragraph leaves me a little confused as to what is happening. Is the narrator remembering a past brush with Death or are they witnessing what is happening in the present? Third paragraph could be chopped down to just the first sentence. You dwell on the narratorís thoughts on Death too long instead of showing me that respect in action.

    Moving forward, you lean on your picture too much,. An outside reader would have absolutely no sense of the sceneís blocking. ďA gunshot broke the silence of the night,Ē comes out of nowhere because you donít explain whom is shooting whom. Who is dying? Whatís going on? Again, the only hint I have is your picture. Donít assume that the reader can read your mind. I should have a firm understanding of the scene using only the text.

    Okay, now we are getting somewhere. I have to reread several times to understand what is happening (seriously work on descriptions/scene-setters) but at least we have a plot. Itís buried almost halfway in, but itís a conflict. You should have cut out the entire first half of the story and started with the ***. Death doesnít have much of a personality, but the little colour you give her is nice. I think the concept of Death giving someone her vorpal blade is interesting. Death actively rooting for people to defy her is also rather cool. Wish you had developed the character more instead of inserting a completely tangential scene with the mayor. It adds nothing to the piece and muddles the flow.

    The action sequence is really confusing. I am particularly flummoxed by: ďI turned to see her raising up and fired the musket instinctively, getting her at the side of the neck.Ē DidÖ did the bear try to shoot the protagonist with a rifle? I have no idea where people are in this cave. I donít even know who is being attacked. Itís an absolute slog to get through. Iím a little mad by the next scene, where the rifle inexplicably displays qualities that it has not before. Why didnít it emit ďa blue mist-like substanceĒ when the protagonist used it?
    Skills to Improve Upon: There are fundamental issues with your sentence structure that leaves me confused about what is happening. Itís an issue that can only be resolved with more reading. I would also try to improve your blocking. Try to envision your scene before you begin writing and be sure to give your reader enough information to see that same mental image.
  • Recommended Reading: Not really sure about this one. Maybe the Elements of Style?
  • Rating: 2/10 (hi, i also would have dmed this story. please thank the other co-judges that it didnt come to that.)

Never Again, You Scum!
  • Author: Chili
  • Plot: A man seeks vengeance against his fatherís killer.
  • Thoughts: Your opening sentence has my attention. Your second paragraph, not so much. Phrasing is a little clunky and awkward and your vocabulary seems a bit odd. Thereís at least one place where you made a typo or forgot a word (seriously, proofread). I had to reread to understand what was happening. The unattributed dialogue doesnít really help clarity at all. Had I written the story, I would have killed my darlings and started with, ďLuca loved his fatherís stories...Ē as it gives me a good sense of the fatherís personality from the start.

    Moving onward, you forecast the fatherís death too much for it to have much of an impact. Iím also a little confused about the kidís dynamic in all this. Do the men know who he is and what is relationship with his father is? Are they just ignoring him? Whatís the story there? Yuri should have been introduced at the beginning of the story. Otherwise, I have no idea why I should care about this particular goon.

    Oh, so the kid is watching all this from a balcony or something? Rereading, I can see where that might have been suggested but it should have been made more clear.

    Thereís a short interlude here that could have been cut without losing anything. Frankly, you havenít given me any reason to care about his godmother or the owner of the Lucky Oyster. I would encourage you, in the future, to cut out any character whose importance could be summarized in a single sentence. I would also encourage you to not introduce characters in Act III of the story.

    Okay, jesus christ, thereís more loving characters who have no dialogue and only tangential story importance. Why are you wasting so much time on these people of passing importance? Why not consolidate? You only have 1,200 words. Why didnít you spend more time explaining why heís committing these acts? Or, better yet, show whatís happening instead of making it all happen off-screen. Thereís no reason why your protagonist couldnít have been the one to tie Yuri to a mast.

    Last few paragraphs are rushed. I was hoping for some confrontation or vindication, some Count of Monte Cristo-style reveal. Instead, Lucaís interaction with Yuri takes up like two lines of dialogue. The actual revenge scheme is absolutely ridiculous, almost to the point of parody. Also, how does Lucaís henchman friend feel about this whole murder-suicide thing? I have no idea how this is meant to be a happy ending.
  • Story Elements to Improve Upon: Cut out tangential details. You do not have enough time to dwell on a bunch of characters and events that donít drive the story forward. Stay focused on the end game and donít get distracted on the way there.
  • Recommended Reading: Itís required high-school reading, but I never feel bad recommending The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexandre Dumas. Itís one of my favourite novels and a wonderful story about revenge.
  • Rating: 2/10

February
  • Author: a friendly penguin
  • Plot: I think some humans are plotting against a monster?
  • Thoughts: I can appreciate unconventional storytelling, but, lol, I had to read your story four times to understand what you were going for. Having understood that, I do like your piece. It has some really awful clarity issues but once you understand that this is a monologue/warning/story being told to a child, your intention becomes much clearer. Tone is nice. There is a sense of menace that pervades your sentences. Again, though, Iím not sure how to interpret certain segments. Is the monster magical? Does it reside within people? I think it is snatching up and eating children but Iím not sure.

    Okay, phew. A section break. Hopefully you can wrap matters up and clarify.

    Ehhh, I think you wrote yourself into a hole in the first part and realized there was no way to resolve the central conflict using the perspective used. The sudden shift to the monster comes off as really jarring. Nonetheless, thereís some lovely prose here and I have a slightly clearer sense of what is happening through the next few paragraphs. Unfortunately, I quickly lose that clarity by ďThe day grows late.Ē I think the monster is being hunted at the end, though, so I guess itís technically a happy ending?
  • Story Elements to Improve Upon: UhhhÖ clarity. I have no idea how to interpret large segments of this story.
  • Recommended Reading: As I Lay Dying by William Faulkner might be helpful if you really want to pursue unconventional story structure. (my mother is a fish.)
  • Rating: 4/10

a friendly penguin
Feb 1, 2007

trolling for fish

QuoProQuid posted:

Week 201 Critiques, Part I


February
  • Author: a friendly penguin
  • Plot: I think some humans are plotting against a monster?
  • Thoughts: I can appreciate unconventional storytelling, but, lol, I had to read your story four times to understand what you were going for. Having understood that, I do like your piece. It has some really awful clarity issues but once you understand that this is a monologue/warning/story being told to a child, your intention becomes much clearer. Tone is nice. There is a sense of menace that pervades your sentences. Again, though, Iím not sure how to interpret certain segments. Is the monster magical? Does it reside within people? I think it is snatching up and eating children but Iím not sure.

    Okay, phew. A section break. Hopefully you can wrap matters up and clarify.

    Ehhh, I think you wrote yourself into a hole in the first part and realized there was no way to resolve the central conflict using the perspective used. The sudden shift to the monster comes off as really jarring. Nonetheless, thereís some lovely prose here and I have a slightly clearer sense of what is happening through the next few paragraphs. Unfortunately, I quickly lose that clarity by ďThe day grows late.Ē I think the monster is being hunted at the end, though, so I guess itís technically a happy ending?
  • Story Elements to Improve Upon: UhhhÖ clarity. I have no idea how to interpret large segments of this story.
  • Recommended Reading: As I Lay Dying by William Faulkner might be helpful if you really want to pursue unconventional story structure. (my mother is a fish.)
  • Rating: 4/10

You have no idea how helpful of a critique this is. Thank you!

magnificent7
Sep 22, 2005

THUNDERDOME LOSER


QuoProQuid posted:

Luckily, I can appreciate effort. You both tried to produce something, which is more than can be said of the Loser, magnificent7. Mag, you very clearly did not care about this week. Your submission is barely a story, much less appropriate for the prompt. Congratulations on earning the literary equivalent of an ice-pick in the skull.
I want to apologize to anyone who suffered through my slimy turd of a submission, but I gladly accept LOSING over failing to submit; which has been my predictable finish for about a year now. It's better to suck worse than any other submission, than to give up. So let my horrible poo poo stain of a skid mark be a lesson to those of you who didn't even turn in poo poo. I'm better than you!

this is how I cope in life, in general.

Now I challenge you non-finishers. TAKE MY TITLE FROM ME, I dare you.

Benny Profane
Feb 23, 2012



THUNDERDOME CCII: THUNDER-O-S!



Alright Thunderdome, letís see you write a story about a bowl of cereal! But be warned, only one of you can be a bowl of muesli with greek yogurt, and one unfortunate contestant will be served a bowl of soggy Rice Krispies with room-temperature non-fat milk to go with their losertar.

When you sign up, declare your cereal of choice. This is your cereal, and no-one else may share it with you. Should your feelings on cereal tend towards ambivalence, you may request a cereal as a flash rule.

How many words do I get?
You get as many words as there are calories in a standard serving of your chosen cereal, times ten. If you come from a civilized country where you use kilojoules, times 2.5. Maybe use this helpful converter?

Can I write a poem about my cereal? How about fan-fiction? Or erotica?
Nope, nope, andÖ tempting, but nope.

Should I be aware of which brands are and are not regularly stocked at Cost-Co?
Probably!

This is just about, like, the spirit of cereal, right? We should feel free to interpret this prompt loosely?
Definitely not. Your cereal of choice should feature prominently!

Fuschia tude posted:

So when is thing due. when is signups
Good point! Signups are due 23:59 EST on Friday, June 17, and submissions are due 23:59 EST on Sunday, June 19. Note: EST.

Side note, unrelated: would you say that you were a bit of a stickler for grammar and punctuation, and that these factor heavily into your judging approach?
I would!

Judges:
Benny Profane
Thranguy
???

Cereal Munchers:
Flerp -- Cocoa Puffs
QuoProQuid -- Lucky Charms
The Saddest Rhino -- Count Chocula
sparksbloom -- Cracklin' Oat Bran
Marshmallow Blue -- Cookie Crisp
magnificent7 -- Frankenberry
spectres of autism -- Frosted Flakes
Blue Wher -- Reese's Puffs
Kaishai -- Honeycomb
Chili -- Farina
Sitting Here -- Product 19
Fuschia Tude -- Weet-Bix
skwidmonster -- Malt-O Meal
Chainmail Onesie -- ProNutro
Pippin -- Krave
Entenzahn -- Cini Minis "Crazily Cinnamon!"
Fuubi -- Kellogg's OKs
artichoke -- Cheerios
Carl Killer Miller -- Corn Flakes
Hugoon Chavez -- the Nesquick Cereal
Djeser -- Bugs 'n' Mud
Screaming Idiot -- Special K

Benny Profane fucked around with this message at Jun 16, 2016 around 15:46

flerp
Feb 25, 2014


this is a horrible prompt and i feel bad for the judges

in with cocoa puffs

QuoProQuid
Jan 12, 2012

WHO LOVES BLOOD SODA?
KEL LOVES BLOOD SODA!


I do. I do. I do-oo.


In with Lucky Charms

The Saddest Rhino
Apr 29, 2009

I could hear the roots of loneliness creeping through me when the world was hushed at four o'clock in the morning


Cereal is not a staple breakfast of the non-white- homogenised society. First person to quote this gets to choose one for me. In.

Ironic Twist
Aug 3, 2008

THUNDERDOME LOSER



The Saddest Rhino posted:

Cereal is not a staple breakfast of the non-white- homogenised society. First person to quote this gets to choose one for me. In.

Count Chocula.

sparksbloom
Apr 30, 2006


In with Cracklin' Oat Bran.

Benny Profane
Feb 23, 2012



The Saddest Rhino posted:

Cereal is not a staple breakfast of the non-white- homogenised society. First person to quote this gets to choose one for me. In.

Ironic Twist posted:

Count Chocula.

In celebration of your non-breakfast-cereal-oriented morning repast traditions, your story need not feature literal Count Chocula cereal. However, your story should include a main character named Count Chocula.

Marshmallow Blue
Apr 25, 2010


In with cookie crisp

magnificent7
Sep 22, 2005

THUNDERDOME LOSER


I'm going to have to go with FRANKENBERRY, with 130 calories. I WOULDA taken Freakies cereal, but apparently they didn't count calories in the early seventies. Goddamn hippies.

spectres of autism
Feb 12, 2011

~it's like people say we're all gonna die
but me it's different i'm not trying to be alive~




on a mission from god

f r o s t e d f l a k e s

Blue Wher
Apr 27, 2010

"Dear Strong Feraligatr,

How do you read Pelipper mail with such big, meaty claws on?

Axew,
Post Town, Canada"

In with Reese's Puffs

The Saddest Rhino
Apr 29, 2009

I could hear the roots of loneliness creeping through me when the world was hushed at four o'clock in the morning


Ironic Twist posted:

Count Chocula.

Benny Profane posted:

In celebration of your non-breakfast-cereal-oriented morning repast traditions, your story need not feature literal Count Chocula cereal. However, your story should include a main character named Count Chocula.

sweet

Kaishai
Nov 3, 2010

Scoffing at modernity.

In with Honeycomb (130 calories).

Chili
Jan 23, 2004

College kids ain't shit


Grimey Drawer

In. I want to use Farina, but I can't find a consistent measure of calories. I'm seeing things like 649, 130, 230, 110, 40....

Help.

Or I can just use Raisin Bran (160 calories).

Benny, can you decide which one? If you choose Farina, any of those calorie counts are fine. God help us all if you go with 649 though.

Chili
Jan 23, 2004

College kids ain't shit


Grimey Drawer

Boaz-Jachim posted:

Hi, I'm your judge for this brawl.

You're going to write a fantasy story. However, the roles are reversed: the monster is the hero, and the evil being they have to slay is a valiant knight.

1250 words, due 1 AM Mountain time, Friday June 17.

You may ask to be assigned a monster. I don't want to read monster manual entries; if you give me an infodump on your monster's traits, you'll lose.

Oh, can you give me a monster?

I was anxious to get started so I went to IRC and asked for someone to pick... and Ironic Twist went with Count Chocula. That acceptable Boaz? If not, Kaishai picked a good one right after (Bunyip)

Chili fucked around with this message at Jun 14, 2016 around 04:24

Benny Profane
Feb 23, 2012



Chili posted:

In. I want to use Farina, but I can't find a consistent measure of calories. I'm seeing things like 649, 130, 230, 110, 40....

Help.

Or I can just use Raisin Bran (160 calories).

Benny, can you decide which one? If you choose Farina, any of those calorie counts are fine. God help us all if you go with 649 though.

Brevity is the soul of farina. 110 calories is your hard limit, but if you can find sustenance in 40 or fewer you will receive a detailed line by line as a reward.

Chili
Jan 23, 2004

College kids ain't shit


Grimey Drawer

Benny Profane posted:

Brevity is the soul of farina. 110 calories is your hard limit, but if you can find sustenance in 40 or fewer you will receive a detailed line by line as a reward.

I was hoping you'd just straight up pick 40. I'm going for it.

Sitting Here
Dec 31, 2007


Blood Empress of Thunderdome

Tap to emit spores


Clapping Larry

Someone give me a cereal

Fuschia tude
Dec 26, 2004

THUNDERDOME LOSER



In with Weet-Bix (105 calories).

eat it kiwis

skwidmonster
Mar 31, 2015

THUNDERDOME LOSER


In with with this little 130-calorie gem.

spectres of autism
Feb 12, 2011

~it's like people say we're all gonna die
but me it's different i'm not trying to be alive~




casualty of the invisible war

spectres of autism fucked around with this message at Jun 14, 2016 around 07:24

Chainmail Onesie
May 12, 2014


LoserWinner
of "Thunder Dome!

In, because every great story starts with a milk-sodden breakfast.

Over here in South Africa, our cereal brands sort of crudely ape the stuff you regularly find on shelves in the USA... maybe someone can suggest a tasty cereal for me?

Chili
Jan 23, 2004

College kids ain't shit


Grimey Drawer

Sitting Here posted:

Someone give me a cereal

Product 19.

I've never tasted it but I always marvel at it as I walk through the cereal aisle at the grocery store.

Sounds like a cereal straight out of a dystopian future novel.

Even the box is creepy:

Pippin
May 25, 2016


Couldn't enter last week cause I just started a new job, but i'm back again to bludgeon words to death with a giant spoon.

In with Krave.

Sitting Here
Dec 31, 2007


Blood Empress of Thunderdome

Tap to emit spores


Clapping Larry

Chili posted:

Product 19.

I've never tasted it but I always marvel at it as I walk through the cereal aisle at the grocery store.

Sounds like a cereal straight out of a dystopian future novel.

Even the box is creepy:



ok in with this

Entenzahn
Nov 15, 2012

What will you say when
your child asks:
why didn't you invest in
Thunderdome?


In with these bad boys

Fuubi
Jan 18, 2015

THUNDERDOME LOSER

I have no idea about cereals so I'm in but flash rule me please!

Benny Profane
Feb 23, 2012



Chainmail Onesie posted:

In, because every great story starts with a milk-sodden breakfast.

Over here in South Africa, our cereal brands sort of crudely ape the stuff you regularly find on shelves in the USA... maybe someone can suggest a tasty cereal for me?



Big claims, ProNutro, despite all of those various qualifiers, especially for such a visually appealing breakfast food! An exceptionally lazy attempt to find nutritional information on this cereal did not bear fruit so let's say... 100 calories.

Fuubi posted:

I have no idea about cereals so I'm in but flash rule me please!



They-r-r-r-e.... OK! Pretty sure these pre-date concepts like nutrition or information, so help yourself to a 110 calorie serving.

Chainmail Onesie
May 12, 2014


LoserWinner
of "Thunder Dome!

Benny Profane posted:



Big claims, ProNutro, despite all of those various qualifiers, especially for such a visually appealing breakfast food! An exceptionally lazy attempt to find nutritional information on this cereal did not bear fruit so let's say... 100 calories.



drat it Bokomo, 'wholewheat' is not a flavour

Marshmallow Blue
Apr 25, 2010


I had some cookie crisp for breakfast and I realized it's the same chemical formula flavor as fruit loops and Trix etc, and that I was indeed not eating cookies for breakfast, but a placebo.

sparksbloom
Apr 30, 2006


Marshmallow Blue posted:

I had some cookie crisp for breakfast and I realized it's the same chemical formula flavor as fruit loops and Trix etc, and that I was indeed not eating cookies for breakfast, but a placebo.

ok

artichoke
Sep 29, 2003

delirium tremens and caffeine

Gravy Boat 2k

In with Cheerios, the most basic of all Os. 104 calories.

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Carl Killer Miller
Apr 28, 2007


In with Corn Flakes

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