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flerp
Feb 25, 2014


Fleta Mcgurn posted:

Prompt: What happened to Okua?
Flash rule: Must involve bears and and a can of soda. I will choose which bear. You can choose the soda.

prompt?

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Fleta Mcgurn
Oct 5, 2003

Who has two thumbs, speaks limited French, and hasn't cried once today? This moi!



flerp posted:

prompt?

p....

porrrrrr....ummmmpptuh

THIS IS HARDER THAN YOU MIGHT THINK. This place. This prompt. This...dome of thunderous scriveners.

Sitting Here
Dec 31, 2007


Blood Empress of Thunderdome

Tap to emit spores


Clapping Larry

Sitting Here posted:

Hey Okua (if that is your real name), grats and everything but you should really PRRROOOOOOMPT or someone will probably come along and usurp the blood throne

I have conferred with our mighty blood god-empress. Okua, you have until noon EST/9 AM PST on Wednesday to claim the throne. Otherwise, your reign is forfeit

flerp
Feb 25, 2014


prompt

Chili
Jan 23, 2004

College kids ain't shit


Grimey Drawer

Beef Supreme requested I line crit this story as opposed to his brawl sub, so here it is.


Apollo remained standing by the door after Kevin had closed and locked it. His hackles raised. As far as I know, this is an indication of aggression, not curiosity. Not the tone you’re going for There was a new presence here, faint, but distinct, lingering beneath the bench where Kevin stowed his shoes. While Kevin was at work, Apollo spent much of his time cataloguing all of the smells in the house—the stinging, counterfeit lavender of the laundry room, the disappointing succulence of the kitchen trash, Kevin’s potent, intriguing Nike’s A dog doesn’t know that they’re Nike’s, keep it simple, no reason to get specific—but this was none of those. Apollo took a few preliminary samples of the air, and then traced his way back to the kitchen. He found no more clues, but he did find his breakfast. The investigation would have to wait. This was a good bit of humor that indicates an upbeat and light tone.

******

For several days, no new clues had surfaced. Apollo knew where to look to account for new smells, but none of his spots had provided even a whiff of this most curious invader. The downstairs bathroom was his first stop, almost always good for a strange scent or two or ten. He’d tried the kitchen counter, where Kevin often carried in new smells for Apollo to investigate or even sample. There was nothing there, now. I don’t think you need any of this. If it’s not there, and it didn’t happen, just cut to a week later. Dogs aren’t likely going to pursue something when it leaves their immediate situation, object permanence and such. Just cut to…

Then, a week later, the scent was back. Apollo was awoken early, earlier than normal, by an intermittent breeze carrying echoes of the scent to his nose. The scent was sweeter, more floral, than the first one, but it was undeniably the same presence. Rising quickly we can infer as much to action, Apollo trotted to the entryway, easily tracking the trail with his muzzle aloft and his tail swishing energetically again, we know. It did not take long for him to identify the source: a sea foam green scarf tucked underneath Kevin’s coat. I don’t think the dog cares about the color

This was big news. Apollo knew that Kevin owned no such thing. He would need to alert Kevin immediately to the presence of this befuddling interloper , at last found out. He pulled the scarf out with his teeth and quickly made his way up the stairs to Kevin’s door. He laid the scarf on the floor and began to scratch at the door.

Kevin came out about 20 minutes later, dressed to run. “Good morning, buddy,” Kevin said. Apollo nudged the scarf toward him, and sat on his hindquarters panting enthusiastically, proud of his work. Kevin, however, picked the scarf up nonchalantly, and said, “I imagine the owner will want this back.”

Apollo tilted his head and whined lightly. An owner! This meant the scarf was not the answer. It was but a clue to a new, greater mystery for Apollo to solve. so at this point, the audience knows what the scent is. It can be really frustrating for the audience to be ahead of the protag. He has to solve it, sure, but we’ve already gotten there.

Apollo followed Kevin downstairs. Kevin traded the scarf for a leash, and put on his Nike’s, and for the moment, thoughts of the new scent disappeared. The appearance of the new scent had also brought several changes in Kevin’s behavior: they’d been going on a lot more runs recently (a fact Apollo was enjoying), and eating far less bacon (a fact Apollo was not).

******

The door specify which room here and ditch it latersquealed as Apollo’s shoulders widened the gap. Apollo froze. Kevin’s room was restricted territory. Most days, the door was shut tight, and Apollo had not yet solved the riddle of opening it. Today, however, Kevin had been in a rush—he’d come home much later than usual—and had left it cracked.

Apollo had been trying to get in this room for days now. His search for the mysterious ‘owner’ had brought him back again and again to one place: Kevin’s room. Whenever he passed the door, he caught a whiff of the smell. He had begged Kevin to let him in, had even barked at him—a rarity—but those conversations always ended with a pat on the head and a “good night, buddy.” So far, all of this feels like it could have come before finding the scarf. I get that the switch from scent to owner matters, but he could still easily be looking for the scent in the room.

Now, he had his chance. While he stood still halfway through the door, the scent assaulted Apollo’s nose from several angles at once. His fear overridden by opportunity, Apollo bounded from the bed to the dresser to the bathroom, nose on overdrive. The smell was everywhere. It did not take long, however, for Apollo to conclude that it was all residual scent —the 'owner' was not here.

Momentarily stymied, he made a more thorough search of the room. Apollo was not planning on wasting perhaps his only opportunity here. Doesn’t feel like this sentence helps you.

Eventually, his search brought him to the closet. The new scent was not here, but he liked the closet. It was warm, and full of some of his favorite smells. Years ago, he’d been allowed in Kevin’s room more often. It was not always only Kevin’s room. She If he knows Kevin, he should know “she” would let him in, would let him cuddle with her, would sit and scratch his belly. Apollo wound his way toward the back, hanging shirts and pants brushing his soft brown and black fur. Polyester browns and cotton blues gave way to silken scarlets and woolen whites. again, I don’t think color matters here. An old, inert scent, fading but deeply embedded, resided here. On the floor, a box sat tucked next to a row of shoes covered in several years of dust. The box held a picture of Kevin and her, some odds and ends, a diamond ring. Diamond?

Apollo stopped searching and laid down, resting his muzzle on his paws. When Kevin found him there much later, he joined him on the floor and idly rubbed Apollo’s back. They stayed sitting for a while. Most of the time, interludes like this bog a story down, and while this disrupts the story, it’s very sweet and well done for the most part, it paints a pretty evocative picture. Again though, it puts the solution to the mystery at the forefront and we’re left following a protagonist learn what we already know.

******

The key in the door woke Apollo from his nap, like normal, but that was not what jerked him to his feet. A current of air rushed through the open door, and Apollo’s senses could not be deceived. The potency of the smell streaming from the hallway could only mean one thing. The 'owner’ was here.

Apollo bolted for the door. His paws slipped on the hardwood kitchen floor, and he only narrowly avoided a crash with an out-of-place stool. He soon reached the carpet of the living room and found his footing, flying past familiar furniture and play toys. He leapt up the half staircase into the hallway and raced down it. Very good action, economical and I can see it all in my head.

“Whoa, easy boy!” Kevin said, and chuckled. “Down!”

Apollo normally would have complied, but this was too monumental a moment. He had solved the
mystery! He jumped up and down, ran in circles, barked his excitement to Kevin, who was seemingly unaware of the importance of this discovery.

“I don’t know what’s gotten into him,” Kevin said.

“That’s okay,” a new voice said. It was soft and kind. “He’s just excited to meet me.” The voice’s owner squatted down and ruffled Apollo’s ears.

“I don’t blame him,” Kevin said, and squatted down as well.

“Apollo, meet Alicia,” I really hate that we get to know Alicia’s name but not Kevin’s dead wife who seems to matter a lot to the dog he said, turning and smiling at their new guest. “I’m hoping you’ll be seeing a lot more of her.”


*************************


So yeah, this is schmaltz as gently caress, but that’s OK for the most part. You set out to tell a sweet story and ultimately, it landed.

My big trouble is consistency. Sometimes we get descriptions as though the dog were almost soliloquizing and sometimes we’re getting the benefit from an omniscient narrator who clearly knows more than dogs.

You should have picked one or the other, and in my opinion, though it may have been difficult, sticking with the perspective of the dog and only the dog, describing things in the house without calling them “diamonds” but “hard things that humans put on their fingers, would have made this more fun and would potentially have helped enshroud the mystery a bit more.

When you talked with me about your story, and I recommended checking out that Pixar short, think about the perspective and how that could have worked to your benefit. Everything is narrowly focused on the dog and we only get a glimpse of his owner’s face when the dog has to make a decision. Because of this, the ending, which is a twist of sorts, catches most people by surprise even though it should have been obvious.
It’s also a little hard to believe that a dog like Apollo could have possibly missed a human coming into the house. He certainly is an alert doggo, so it’s odd he missed her. That’s kind of a nitpick I guess, but maybe the smell could of just been on Kevin. Maybe he spent time with her instead and just came home and the smell was new and strange.

I’m not sure if there’s a way to make this a “mystery” that your audience can’t solve pretty quickly. There needed to be something else. Like, maybe he discovers her quickly, and then he has the moment in the closet which helps Kevin realize how important it is to have someone he loves in his life and that motivates him to make a change. It would have been nice if Apollo’s actions impacted the result of the story as opposed to him just reacting to stuff.

Overall though, this was fun and sweet and there’s a lot of good in here. I’d actually really like to see you re-write this sometime because it definitely seems like something you cared about doing and I think while this is a good story, there’s a great one buried in it.

a new study bible!
Feb 1, 2009



BIG DICK NICK
A Philadelphia Legend
Fly Eagles Fly


Prompt?

Beige
Sep 13, 2004



prompt, prompt

prompt?

a new study bible!
Feb 1, 2009



BIG DICK NICK
A Philadelphia Legend
Fly Eagles Fly


I've come up with like 18 good prompts in the last hour alone. I've been writing them on bathroom stalls and on the inside of milk cartons before dropping them into mailboxes.

Fleta Mcgurn
Oct 5, 2003

Who has two thumbs, speaks limited French, and hasn't cried once today? This moi!



there is no prompt for me
paromptapromptprompt

N. Senada
May 17, 2011


Fleta Mcgurn posted:

there is no prompt for me
paromptapromptprompt

Fleta Mcgurn
Oct 5, 2003

Who has two thumbs, speaks limited French, and hasn't cried once today? This moi!




A Good Bearre

flerp
Feb 25, 2014


prompt

Beige
Sep 13, 2004



Finally, someone said it.

Okua
Oct 30, 2016


Okay sorry, sorry I'm here.
Prompt will go up in a couple hours once I've thought of something. ::

Okua fucked around with this message at Nov 30, 2016 around 16:36

ZeBourgeoisie
Aug 8, 2013

THUNDERDOME
LOSER


Okua posted:

Okay sorry, sorry I'm here.
Prompt will go up in a couple hours once I've thought of something. ::

I oughta ring your neck.

Chili
Jan 23, 2004

College kids ain't shit


Grimey Drawer

Interprompt Judgement

Only two of you managed to put forth an entry. Pathetic. But I'm glad we got that many at least.

I asked for stories about black sheep....

As far as I can tell I got stories that had little to do with that subject matter.

I could see the song in Thranguy's a bit, not so much in Fleta's.

So just looking at these two stories as independent of the prompt, I enjoyed Thranguy's a teensy bit more, it was a slick read.

Thranguy, you have won. As you now eat the apple from the forbidden garden, and acknowledge your nudity, please clothe yourself with a new avatar.

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006

I failed to submit because I was so excited about New Zealander Tim Price winning the Burghley Horse Trials on the quirky but freakishly talented Ringwood Sky Boy

http://writocracy.com/thunderdome/prompts.php

flerp
Feb 25, 2014


Okua posted:

Okay sorry, sorry I'm here.
Prompt will go up in a couple hours once I've thought of something. ::

prompt!

Kaishai
Nov 3, 2010

Scoffing at modernity.

Sitting Here posted:

I have conferred with our mighty blood god-empress. Okua, you have until noon EST/9 AM PST on Wednesday to claim the throne. Otherwise, your reign is forfeit

The deadline is extended to 1:30pm USA EST to grant Okua his two hours. You will have a prompt at 1:31pm, one way or the other.

Okua
Oct 30, 2016


Week 226: Viking Wisdom

Since I won with a story about vikings, and had Snorri's Edda right beside me as I opened this thread, I think we'll continue with that theme. For each person who signs up, I'll get a random number and assign that person a stanza from Hávamál. These are the words of Odin, the god of wisdom himself, and based on your stanza you will write a story. It can be any genre in any time or setting, so get as creative as you want. You don't need to make a morality tale - you may interpret and work with the stanza however you like as long as I can see how it is related to your story. Hávamál can be found in full here if you want that.
*Edit: Limit is 1500 words*


Signups close Friday at midnight, CET
Submissions close Sunday 20:00 CET


Co-judges:
Sitting Here
Sebmojo

Entrants:
flarp
Thranguy
a new study bible!
Tyrannosaurus
Guiness13
Hawklad
Djeser
Fuubi (with Toxx)
Fleta Mcgurn
ZeBourgeoisie
Jitzu_the_Monk
Sailor Viy
The Saddest Rhino
Chairchucker
Baleful Osmium Sea
Kaishai

Okua fucked around with this message at Dec 2, 2016 around 23:02

Chili
Jan 23, 2004

College kids ain't shit


Grimey Drawer

Okua posted:

Week 226: Viking Wisdom

Since I won with a story about vikings, and had Snorri's Edda right beside me as I opened this thread, I think we'll continue with that theme. For each person who signs up, I'll get a random number and assign that person a stanza from Hávamál. These are the words of Odin, the god of wisdom himself, and based on your stanza you will write a story. It can be any genre in any time or setting, so get as creative as you want. You don't need to make a morality tale - you may interpret and work with the stanza however you like as long as I can see how it is related to your story. Hávamál can be found in full here if you want that.

Signups close Friday at midnight, CET
Submissions close Sunday 20:00 CET


You may want a word limit.

flerp
Feb 25, 2014


prompt!

in

Thranguy
Apr 21, 2010

'Read over your compositions, and when you meet a passage which you think is particularly fine, strike it out.' -Samuel Johnson

In for some Vikinging

crabrock
Aug 2, 2002

aka sticklegs



Grimey Drawer

*submits thunderdome story*

*too nervous to check the thread and discover loss*

*ignores thread for days*

"fine let's get this over with*

*has 2 hours to make prompt*

Thranguy
Apr 21, 2010

'Read over your compositions, and when you meet a passage which you think is particularly fine, strike it out.' -Samuel Johnson

Okua posted:


Signups close Friday at midnight, CET
Submissions close Sunday 20:00 CET


PSA: assuming 'Friday midnight' means 11:59:59 Friday, as is the usual convention, this is 3 PM Pacific/Noon Eastern for signups, and thus 11 AM Pacific/8 AM Eastern for submissions. Don't accidentally miss deadlines, peeps.

Okua
Oct 30, 2016


Chili posted:

You may want a word limit.

Done


Thranguy posted:

In for some Vikinging

87:
"Let none put faith in the first sown fruit
nor yet in his son too soon;
whim rules the child, and weather the field,
each is open to chance."

flerp posted:

prompt!

in

147:
"A fourth [song] I know: if men make fast
in chains the joints of my limbs,
when I sing that song which shall set me free,
spring the fetters from hands and feet."

Kaishai
Nov 3, 2010

Scoffing at modernity.

Okua posted:

Week 226: Viking Wisdom

Welcome to the Blood Throne, judge. You may find the guide for new judges to be useful, or interesting, or an excuse to make fun of crabrock for the typo in "consensus."

Sitting Here
Dec 31, 2007


Blood Empress of Thunderdome

Tap to emit spores


Clapping Larry

Okua posted:

Week 226: Viking Wisdom

Since I won with a story about vikings, and had Snorri's Edda right beside me as I opened this thread, I think we'll continue with that theme. For each person who signs up, I'll get a random number and assign that person a stanza from Hávamál. These are the words of Odin, the god of wisdom himself, and based on your stanza you will write a story. It can be any genre in any time or setting, so get as creative as you want. You don't need to make a morality tale - you may interpret and work with the stanza however you like as long as I can see how it is related to your story. Hávamál can be found in full here if you want that.
*Edit: Limit is 1500 words*


Signups close Friday at midnight, CET
Submissions close Sunday 20:00 CET


Hi, I'm going to be judging with you this week. We can talk by PMs (if you get them), email, or IRC.

a new study bible!
Feb 1, 2009



BIG DICK NICK
A Philadelphia Legend
Fly Eagles Fly


Sign up post

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006

I failed to submit because I was so excited about New Zealander Tim Price winning the Burghley Horse Trials on the quirky but freakishly talented Ringwood Sky Boy

In.

Guiness13
Feb 17, 2007

The best angel of all.

In

Okua
Oct 30, 2016



60:
"Of dry logs saved and roof-bark stored
a man can know the measure,
of fire-wood too which should last him out
quarter and half years to come."



76:
"Cattle die and kinsmen die,
thyself too soon must die,
but one thing never, I ween, will die, --
the doom on each one dead."



3:
"He hath need of fire, who now is come,
numbed with cold to the knee;
food and clothing the wanderer craves
who has fared o'er the rimy fell."

Mercedes
Mar 7, 2006

"So you Jesus?"

"And you black?"

"Nigga prove it!"

And so Black Jesus turned water into a bucket of chicken. And He saw that it was good.


Sitting Here posted:

Congratulations to the finalists! I know we have at least two.

I've been pondering the idea of more things like this, where we "rush" a given publication. I know I'm not the only one who would enjoy something like that. Obviously, this would happen outside of the thread via IRC, email, and Google docs. I'd be happy to wrangle people if there's interest, but it would be cool to have a little help in researching ideal publications for this purpose. Lemme know what you think.

I'm down for this

Hawklad
May 3, 2003


Who wants to live
forever?


DIVE!

College Slice

Vikings?? By Muspel's cleansing fire I'm IN!

dreadmojo
Oct 23, 2010



Legit Cyberpunk

poo poo yeah mark me down in the man skin bound tome of the cursed choosers of the slain

Okua
Oct 30, 2016


Hawklad posted:

Vikings?? By Muspel's cleansing fire I'm IN!

88:
"Like the love of women whose thoughts are lies
is the driving un-roughshod o'er slippery ice
of a two year old, ill-tamed and gay;
or in a wild wind steering a helmless ship,
or the lame catching reindeer in the rime-thawed fell."

Djeser
Mar 22, 2013



In.

Okua
Oct 30, 2016



20:
"A greedy man, if he be not mindful,
eats to his own life's hurt:
oft the belly of the fool will bring him to scorn
when he seeks the circle of the wise."

Sailor Viy
Aug 4, 2013

THUNDERDOME LOSER

In. Give me some of that sweet Viking wisdom.

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Fuubi
Jan 18, 2015

THUNDERDOME LOSER

In with a

Let my viking blood sing forth and wrest a mediocre-ish story from my creative bosom!

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