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  • Locked thread
Chili
Jan 23, 2004

College kids ain't shit


Fun Shoe

Ah poo poo.

Of course I'm finally ready to give this a shot and this week it's a retrospective. Oh well, guess I'll jump in on the next one.

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Chili
Jan 23, 2004

College kids ain't shit


Fun Shoe

Quidnose posted:

Do it, Chili! Write with us

I did in fact miss that I could get someone else's thing, but this prospect is already intimidating. I'll jump in on the next one.

Chili
Jan 23, 2004

College kids ain't shit


Fun Shoe

I am IN for the prompt. Ready to write, weehoo!

Chili
Jan 23, 2004

College kids ain't shit


Fun Shoe

Can I get clarification on what no "google docs" means? Are we not supposed to use that word processor for some reason?

Chili
Jan 23, 2004

College kids ain't shit


Fun Shoe

dmboogie posted:

All it means is that when you're not allowed to submit your story by posting a link to a google doc instead of copying the text to the thread.

Ah, gotcha. Easy enough.

Chili
Jan 23, 2004

College kids ain't shit


Fun Shoe

Someday, this poo poo may be included in a volume of bad stories.

Chili fucked around with this message at Jan 1, 2017 around 07:13

Chili
Jan 23, 2004

College kids ain't shit


Fun Shoe

Need to redeem myself. My most recent submission was pretty loving bad.

In.

Chili
Jan 23, 2004

College kids ain't shit


Fun Shoe

Someday, this poo poo may be included in a volume of bad stories.

Chili fucked around with this message at Jan 1, 2017 around 07:13

Chili
Jan 23, 2004

College kids ain't shit


Fun Shoe

Me please! Oh, nevermind missed it :/

Chili
Jan 23, 2004

College kids ain't shit


Fun Shoe

Carl Killer Miller posted:

Naw, you're good. You acted now so you got four for the price of three.


I am losing the thread on this QVC analogy. Anyhow, I'll have the crits up by the end of the day

This is sincerely appreciated, I need all the help I can get.

Chili
Jan 23, 2004

College kids ain't shit


Fun Shoe

I would crit.... but I'd like to get at least one not bottom of the barrel story under my belt, critting now feels somewhat presumptuous.

Chili
Jan 23, 2004

College kids ain't shit


Fun Shoe

flerp posted:

no you crit somebody. you crit somebody right now. i have literally no power but i will look at my monitor very sternly if you do not crit someone.

I actually decided after I made that post that critting itself is a skill and I'd like to get better at it. So I did!

Guiness13: Hope Takes Root


I read a couple of stories as they were being submitted. Yours stuck with me the most. As far as capturing the feel of scent, you nailed it. Your careful use of colors and the temperature helped the most here.
What gave me a hard time, though, was how quickly the story got gross. I suppose you want it to be jarring but describing a dude’s intestines hanging out, and a bulging face that quickly… it’s somewhat overwhelming. I was worried that the story was going to stay all nasty and I was pleasantly surprised when it shifted. Your character also seemed very blasé about the whole event, which may have helped tone down the impact.

The other issue I had was at the end, when he goes for the potatoes. You weren’t exactly discrete with your descriptions before this and you built up how going for the potatoes was going to really hurt and be a big deal. Then, it just kinda happens and nothing is said about it. It felt like you knew you were coming up on the end of your story and were rushing up.

Nice job though.

Chili
Jan 23, 2004

College kids ain't shit


Fun Shoe

I'm in.

And thanks for the crit, Hammer Bro!

Chili
Jan 23, 2004

College kids ain't shit


Fun Shoe

I feel like kind of a wuss for not picking up any flashrules for the 200th. Can I request that I get assigned a picture?

Chili
Jan 23, 2004

College kids ain't shit


Fun Shoe

Thank you sir.

Chili
Jan 23, 2004

College kids ain't shit


Fun Shoe

These pictures are making me sad you guys.

Chili
Jan 23, 2004

College kids ain't shit


Fun Shoe

Thanks for the crit thranguy!

Chili
Jan 23, 2004

College kids ain't shit


Fun Shoe

Climbing the ladder, bottom of the barrel to DM aw yiss.

Chili
Jan 23, 2004

College kids ain't shit


Fun Shoe

Carl Killer Miller posted:

Mang, you got rid of that loser avatar fast.

Yeah... I didn't know if there was any kind of etiquette around that, but the drat thing is such an eyesore.

Chili
Jan 23, 2004

College kids ain't shit


Fun Shoe

skwidmonster posted:

Man, I'm wearing this thing like a badge of honor til I earn a new one with a win. Gotta pay the blood price, kid

Yeah... I ain't gonna be earning a new one that way anytime soon. Much more likely I feel the burn of another loss and have to shell out more money.

Chili
Jan 23, 2004

College kids ain't shit


Fun Shoe

sparksbloom posted:

ugh there's a disgusting amount of pleasant chitchat in this thread, if y'all keep making such banal posts i'm going to hit you with a nasty flash rule

If I had any clout whatsoever I'd call someone something and challenge them to do a thing against my thing.

Chili
Jan 23, 2004

College kids ain't shit


Fun Shoe

ZeBourgeoisie posted:

You sound like a real rear end in a top hat. "If I had any clout."

Pfft.

If you have any balls, fight me.

Bring it on and stuff.

Chili
Jan 23, 2004

College kids ain't shit


Fun Shoe

Sweet. This place is magical.

Chili
Jan 23, 2004

College kids ain't shit


Fun Shoe

Oh and thanks for the crit, Titus! This has all been super helpful.

Chili
Jan 23, 2004

College kids ain't shit


Fun Shoe

Had a foster kitten emergency, was going to finish my story now, but I'm at the emergency vet. Hopefully I'll be back in time to wrap up, but I may not make it in time.

Chili
Jan 23, 2004

College kids ain't shit


Fun Shoe

Oh poo poo, the deadline is tomorrow! I thought it was tonight. I need to learn to read.

The kitten ended up being fine, he turned out to just have gas, he's the one on my foot.

Chili
Jan 23, 2004

College kids ain't shit


Fun Shoe

crabrock posted:

thanks for the fartcat update


My pleasure

Chili
Jan 23, 2004

College kids ain't shit


Fun Shoe

Man, I am just a thread making GBS threads catalyst. I'm gonna keep getting into brawls and I'm not very good at this yet.

Chili
Jan 23, 2004

College kids ain't shit


Fun Shoe

Someday, this poo poo may be included in a volume of bad stories.

Chili fucked around with this message at Jan 1, 2017 around 07:14

Chili
Jan 23, 2004

College kids ain't shit


Fun Shoe

Carl Killer Miller posted:



ARF.

Let's throw down. SB, still up to judge?

Oy, I'm already in a brawl for being terrible.

Chili
Jan 23, 2004

College kids ain't shit


Fun Shoe

In. I want to use Farina, but I can't find a consistent measure of calories. I'm seeing things like 649, 130, 230, 110, 40....

Help.

Or I can just use Raisin Bran (160 calories).

Benny, can you decide which one? If you choose Farina, any of those calorie counts are fine. God help us all if you go with 649 though.

Chili
Jan 23, 2004

College kids ain't shit


Fun Shoe

Boaz-Jachim posted:

Hi, I'm your judge for this brawl.

You're going to write a fantasy story. However, the roles are reversed: the monster is the hero, and the evil being they have to slay is a valiant knight.

1250 words, due 1 AM Mountain time, Friday June 17.

You may ask to be assigned a monster. I don't want to read monster manual entries; if you give me an infodump on your monster's traits, you'll lose.

Oh, can you give me a monster?

I was anxious to get started so I went to IRC and asked for someone to pick... and Ironic Twist went with Count Chocula. That acceptable Boaz? If not, Kaishai picked a good one right after (Bunyip)

Chili fucked around with this message at Jun 14, 2016 around 04:24

Chili
Jan 23, 2004

College kids ain't shit


Fun Shoe

Benny Profane posted:

Brevity is the soul of farina. 110 calories is your hard limit, but if you can find sustenance in 40 or fewer you will receive a detailed line by line as a reward.

I was hoping you'd just straight up pick 40. I'm going for it.

Chili
Jan 23, 2004

College kids ain't shit


Fun Shoe

Sitting Here posted:

Someone give me a cereal

Product 19.

I've never tasted it but I always marvel at it as I walk through the cereal aisle at the grocery store.

Sounds like a cereal straight out of a dystopian future novel.

Even the box is creepy:

Chili
Jan 23, 2004

College kids ain't shit


Fun Shoe

Someday, this poo poo may be included in a volume of bad stories.

Chili fucked around with this message at Jan 1, 2017 around 07:15

Chili
Jan 23, 2004

College kids ain't shit


Fun Shoe

Thanks for the crits Boaz.

Chili
Jan 23, 2004

College kids ain't shit


Fun Shoe

Week 202
Cereal Prompt
Chosen Cereal: Farina, 40 calories per serving.

Good Kid
386 Words

My grandpa wanted a real meal; it wasn't an unreasonable request.

"Please," he asked, "go to the cafeteria and get me a burger."

"You know I can't do that, Grandpa," I replied, "the doctor said solid food could hurt you."

"I'll tell you what's hurting me," he said, "this loving Farina. You're a good boy, right? Don't they teach you to respect your elders in college?"

I laughed; Grandpa still had his fire. I admired him for a moment, but my stomach sunk as it occurred to me that this was the first time Grandpa had ever asked anything of me.

"Look kiddo," he said, "I think we both know that I don't have many sunrises left. A week, a day, what's the difference?"

I looked at the bowl of colorless gloop sitting on his lap, and then at my grandpa's pleading expression. The face that marveled over the weekly family dinners was gone. He couldn't chop onions anymore; he couldn't lift a pot of pasta, he couldn't fill a home with a warm aroma that told his family that they were loved. Grandpa needed me.

I rose to my feet and said, "You better leave me something good in your will."

"There we go kiddo!" Grandpa's face twisted into a smile. He laughed, picked up the Farina, and with a grunt, lobbed it across the room. The plastic bowl fell to the floor, but its contents adhered to the wall. The loose porridge gradually oozed downward and left a trail of slime along the eggshell paint.

A speck had landed on my cheek; I laughed as I wiped it away. "One plain burger from the cafeteria, and you'll eat it slowly. OK?"

"No," he responded, "two plain burgers, and we'll eat them slowly."

I nodded and turned towards the door. After a step, Grandpa yelled out, "Hey! What are you, crazy!?"

Oh, great, it was all a bluff. He had gotten my heart racing for nothing. I turned to take my seat; Grandpa was reaching for his wallet.

"You don't pay for our food, kiddo," he said, as he handed me a ten dollar bill. "And kiddo," he continued, "in every sense of the phrase, this is on me."

Chili
Jan 23, 2004

College kids ain't shit


Fun Shoe

Thanks for the crit! I'll look into some semicolon stuff.

Chili
Jan 23, 2004

College kids ain't shit


Fun Shoe

Since I'm not participating in this week as an entrant, I'm happy to crit anyone who does submit. Lemme know if you want to hear what I have to say for some reason.

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Chili
Jan 23, 2004

College kids ain't shit


Fun Shoe

Wow Benny, thank you so much!

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