Is the whole 'Dependa' stereotype real or exaggerated?

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Internet VFW > Is the whole 'Dependa' stereotype real or exaggerated?

Panfilo: Aug 27, 2011; EXISTENCE IS PAIN😬

Not being in the military or being the spouse of someone in the military, I'm not familiar with what life is like for military spouses. I first learned about 'Dependas' 'Dependapottomus' etc terms on SA. I was curious how much of it is for real and how much of it is exaggerating. Googling it gets interesting results; either blogs making fun of dependas or milspouse blogs talking about how horribly sexist the term and stereotype is.

Are military spouses more likely to be stay at home parents? Are the less likely to have higher education themselves? A common claim seems to be that the spouse wraps up a lot of (her) identity in the career (and rank?) of the spouse. Is there some kind of hierarchy among military spouses?

# ¿ Jan 11, 2016 01:33

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# ¿ Apr 27, 2024 23:11

Panfilo: Aug 27, 2011; EXISTENCE IS PAIN😬

iyaayas01 posted:

So before Shim responds (which I am anxiously awaiting with baited breath), here is the rational non-THC influenced answer:

Most military spouses are not terrible people, taken in the context of their socio-economic status. So while the wife of your average E-3 probably isn't the paragon of social grace and virtue, considering the fact that in socio-economic terms he's making about as much as a guy who changes oil at jiffy lube, the "rough edges "(read: they're white/black/brown/etc trash) of your average enlisted spouse isn't any more than you would expect from someone who married someone who is working a job where the sole qualification is "has a high school diploma, isn't functionally retarded, and is semi-literate." The same logic applies as you go up the ladder in rank.

That said, the stereotype exists for a reason. While most military spouses are people who have lives outside of their spouses, there is a somewhat small but very vocal minority who have their whole identity tied to their spouse. These are the people who run the spouse clubs/family readiness groups/officer wives clubs/etc. These are the people who base seating charts at their wives club function based on the rank and position of the husband. These people will unironically utter the phrase "well just wait until my husband hears about this, he's the *insert rank/position here*" when someone confronts them about something/says something they don't like/etc. These people are stuck in the 1950s (which is fitting since the US military as a whole is stuck in the 1950s from a social construct perspective) and would feel at home on the set of Leave It to Beaver. These people will close their eyes to the most abjectly terrible behavior on the part of their spouse (alcoholism, rampant cheating, abuse of any flavor, you name it) because they are terrified of what life would be like without having the "title" of "wife of the *insert rank/position here*", also because they have no life skills of their own so the idea of having to eke out a living outside the blanket of the socialist military is horrifying beyond belief for them.

Over to you Shim

Thank you for this explanation. It is interesting seeing how extreme people's viewpoints are on the topic; after reading about it on SA I googled it and found a ton of ladyblogs complaining about how hurtful it is that people criticize, mock, or e-bully someone just because they are a military spouse. I often feel like the truth is somewhere in the middle, but for something like this it sounds pretty difficult.

# ¿ Jan 11, 2016 02:59

Panfilo: Aug 27, 2011; EXISTENCE IS PAIN😬

Do military wives establish a hierarchy amongst themselves based on their spouses rank? Is being married to a servicemember in any particular branch considered more/less reputable among them?

Are there male equivalents to Dependas (do you use the masculine 'o' in that case? Depends?) Where some unemployed guy is mooching off his deployed wife and bragging about being married to a Marine or whatever? How is this considered by other military wives?

Does this behavior happen in the civilian world, like the spouses of cops, sheriff's or firefighters? I mean the spouse of a politician is probably a given in many situations, but it would be funny if some honey dippers wife made some big deal about how important her husband's job is.

# ¿ Jan 11, 2016 16:55

Panfilo: Aug 27, 2011; EXISTENCE IS PAIN😬

Another question: Do Dependas extend to LBGT couples/spouses? Would a lesbian spouse of a female servicemember be accepted among their herd/flock/whatever you call a group of these women?

# ¿ Jan 11, 2016 19:27

Panfilo: Aug 27, 2011; EXISTENCE IS PAIN😬

How did a discussion about Dependas veer into dog buttholes? :psyduck:

# ¿ Jan 14, 2016 17:35

Panfilo: Aug 27, 2011; EXISTENCE IS PAIN😬

Booblord Zagats posted:

Dependa's with no buttfingering expertise slashing dog anuses with press-on nails

New thread title!

# ¿ Jan 14, 2016 19:16

Panfilo: Aug 27, 2011; EXISTENCE IS PAIN😬

Nostalgia4Murder posted:

Who marries someone with 6 failed marriages?

Some people just like being married for the sake of being married. Maybe the woman thought, "six other women wanted to spend their life with this guy, he must be worthwhile"?

# ¿ Feb 18, 2016 14:03

Panfilo: Aug 27, 2011; EXISTENCE IS PAIN😬

Wow, I didn't know these wives were so in line with rank :stare:

. That's so bizarre to me; but then again I work a pretty ho hum civilian job that doesn't have spouses associating their role with being the spouse of an employee.

# ¿ Feb 19, 2016 00:13

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# ¿ Apr 27, 2024 23:11

Panfilo: Aug 27, 2011; EXISTENCE IS PAIN😬

So the male milspouses are either brain damaged or gay? What about husbands of officers?

How rare is it for an enlisted guy to be married to a woman who is an officer?

# ¿ Apr 29, 2016 03:26

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Internet VFW > Is the whole 'Dependa' stereotype real or exaggerated?