"My fedora makes me look good" : The stupidest shit you've ever heard

The Something Awful Forums > Main > Post Your Favorite: Carefully Curated > "My fedora makes me look good" : The stupidest shit you've ever heard

SulfurMonoxideCute: Feb 9, 2008; I was under direct orders not to die
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"Our government does NOTHING to help us!"

A Canadian said this. This was shortly after going to the doctor and not getting billed for it.

# ¿ Jan 13, 2016 06:34

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# ¿ Apr 26, 2024 19:37

SulfurMonoxideCute: Feb 9, 2008; I was under direct orders not to die
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A guy my husband used to work with would argue with him endlessly that alcohol was bad because of its effects on other people but smoking is fine because it doesn't change your behavior and thus has no negative impact on the people around you.

He almost got his head cut off by a helicopter because he approached it from upslope and didn't duck.

# ¿ Jan 13, 2016 22:09

SulfurMonoxideCute: Feb 9, 2008; I was under direct orders not to die
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A coworker was talking to me today about how someone asked her if a peacock was injured because it only had two legs.

# ¿ Jan 15, 2016 06:29

SulfurMonoxideCute: Feb 9, 2008; I was under direct orders not to die
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curious lump posted:

she wanted ur peacock sry bro

Chalk up another one

# ¿ Jan 15, 2016 06:55

SulfurMonoxideCute: Feb 9, 2008; I was under direct orders not to die
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"Water isn't a fluid. Oil is. That's why we use oil to lubricate machinery and not water."

# ¿ Jan 18, 2016 08:09

SulfurMonoxideCute: Feb 9, 2008; I was under direct orders not to die
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"I saw two refugees fighting at the mall so we have to stop letting them into the country"

1. How do you know they were refugees and not older immigrants/born here?

2. White people start fights too, why is it okay for them to do it?

3. Can we close the borders to white people now? Please?

# ¿ Jan 22, 2016 02:26

SulfurMonoxideCute: Feb 9, 2008; I was under direct orders not to die
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You Are A Elf posted:

I've had, on at least two occasions, random strangers tell me I'm evil and/or possessed by the Devil because I'm left-handed.

Being a southpaw also amazes people, apparently, especially people who have known you for years. Upon seeing me write, "YOU'RE LEFT-HANDED??!? " It happens more often than you think.

When I was in kindergarten, my teacher told my parents I had a learning disorder because I couldn't trace the dotted lines of letters and numbers. Turned out they didn't think to let me try to do it with my left hand.

# ¿ Jan 25, 2016 07:01

SulfurMonoxideCute: Feb 9, 2008; I was under direct orders not to die
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Exactly as expected. I've been transported back to 2011. Top notch goon posting 5/5.

# ¿ Jan 28, 2016 03:30

SulfurMonoxideCute: Feb 9, 2008; I was under direct orders not to die
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The correct term is bison, tyvm

# ¿ Feb 10, 2016 21:45

SulfurMonoxideCute: Feb 9, 2008; I was under direct orders not to die
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That screenshot showed up on my Facebook as well, it has nearly 7000 shares in 15 hours.

RIP

# ¿ Feb 17, 2016 07:34

SulfurMonoxideCute: Feb 9, 2008; I was under direct orders not to die
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Men, stop shaving your beards, you'll only attract pedophiles.

# ¿ Feb 22, 2016 06:19

SulfurMonoxideCute: Feb 9, 2008; I was under direct orders not to die
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Lunchmeat Larry posted:

Amanda Palmer wrote an extremely cool song about how if you shave, generally, you look like a small child and anyone who finds you attractive is a pedophile

Maybe if you're an idiot or under 3 feet tall.

# ¿ Feb 22, 2016 19:51

SulfurMonoxideCute: Feb 9, 2008; I was under direct orders not to die
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Antifreeze Head posted:

Yes. All water is. Next time you take a drink, pause for a second to think that some of those H2O molecules, at some point over the past few million years, were pee. Maybe a caveman, maybe your mom, but defiantly some pee.

May have also been the blood of my enemies.

# ¿ Mar 2, 2016 16:53

SulfurMonoxideCute: Feb 9, 2008; I was under direct orders not to die
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Automatic Retard posted:

Thanks a lot politicunts, I was looking forward to reading more of this thread, but I just had to fast scroll through this whole page.
What a waste.

This whole page is the stupidest poo poo someone has said.

Nice user name.

# ¿ Mar 5, 2016 04:32

SulfurMonoxideCute: Feb 9, 2008; I was under direct orders not to die
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Hyperlynx posted:

I like the idea that you pull the trigger and BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP out comes a torrent of shitposts.

�por que?

# ¿ Mar 5, 2016 10:20

SulfurMonoxideCute: Feb 9, 2008; I was under direct orders not to die
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BlueKingBar posted:

Well, mostly mammals and small birds. Anything that lives around the ocean floor is anything but. Cough, anglerfish. Cough, gulper eel. Don't Google those if you don't like spooky creepy-crawly fish things. Primates in general aren't really cute, except maybe gorillas.

# ¿ Mar 24, 2016 06:33

SulfurMonoxideCute: Feb 9, 2008; I was under direct orders not to die
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During an avalanche safety course, cornices were brought up as a major hazard. Someone in the class puts their hand up, and asks "How do you assess cornices and when do you know it's safe to walk on?" The whole rest of the class and the instructor said in unison "YOU DON'T". Because seriously, this:

is a very, very bad idea.

# ¿ Mar 24, 2016 21:48

SulfurMonoxideCute: Feb 9, 2008; I was under direct orders not to die
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Christo posted:

I feel the same way when I hear fundamentalist Christians claim that atheists can't be good people because they don't have the threat of eternal damnation to keep them in line. If you can't fathom someone being nice even though there's no reward or punishment involved, it says more about you than it does about me.

A drunk cousin of a friend started yelling at my husband and I one night when she found out we identified as atheist, calling us murderers and rapists and thieves. We told her that we were just naturally good and that if she only behaved because she was afraid of getting in trouble, she was a worse person than us, and boy did that ever set her off. Don't drink and philosophize with strangers!

# ¿ Apr 8, 2016 23:27

SulfurMonoxideCute: Feb 9, 2008; I was under direct orders not to die
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My elementary school thought it was a good idea to still whip kids with a belt or smack their hands with rulers until around 1990 or 91. That's some pretty stupid poo poo.

# ¿ Apr 11, 2016 05:19

SulfurMonoxideCute: Feb 9, 2008; I was under direct orders not to die
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A lot of my profs will make 2 versions of an exam with multiple choice questions in a different order or the answers listed differently. So everyone gets the same questions but it would be useless to cheat off the person next to you by copying the pattern of marks on the scantron.

# ¿ Apr 20, 2016 17:14

SulfurMonoxideCute: Feb 9, 2008; I was under direct orders not to die
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EmmyOk posted:

Voil�

e: I assume that's what you mean as I googled walla to make sure it wasn't a word I didn't know and only got some Israeli webportal

Someone's missing a major PYF injoke.

# ¿ May 31, 2016 03:36

SulfurMonoxideCute: Feb 9, 2008; I was under direct orders not to die
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So either God gave him the power or God told him it was going to happen and fake it, either way having the same end result. So who fuckin cares the means if the end is the same. Riddle me that.

# ¿ May 31, 2016 09:40

SulfurMonoxideCute: Feb 9, 2008; I was under direct orders not to die
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CommonShore posted:

Tourists do dumb stuff in Canada too around our also very lethal wildlife. I was working in a remote fishing camp and came around the corner to see a guest trying to pet a wild bear.

Lots of locals this past month have been getting hosed up from bears because the berries came early. The bears moved down into the valleys to gorge themselves, and no one was acting extra bear aware because that's what you do in fall, not summer. Resulted in a few attacks and lots of close encounters. No fatalities though (yet).

# ¿ Aug 11, 2016 06:30

SulfurMonoxideCute: Feb 9, 2008; I was under direct orders not to die
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Cigarette apologists are equally hilarious and annoying.

# ¿ Aug 17, 2016 07:02

SulfurMonoxideCute: Feb 9, 2008; I was under direct orders not to die
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A dozen is two hands.

# ¿ Aug 17, 2016 15:35

SulfurMonoxideCute: Feb 9, 2008; I was under direct orders not to die
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CommonShore posted:

Actually a dozen is literally one hand:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Duodecimal#Origin

Not if you have an extra finger on each hand.

# ¿ Aug 19, 2016 07:40

SulfurMonoxideCute: Feb 9, 2008; I was under direct orders not to die
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GIANT OUIJA BOARD posted:

Thumbs aren't fingers!

They are if you try hard enough!

# ¿ Aug 20, 2016 09:01

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# ¿ Apr 26, 2024 19:37

SulfurMonoxideCute: Feb 9, 2008; I was under direct orders not to die
🐵❌💀

Wheat Loaf posted:

In the debate, Clinton said something like, "I'm disturbed by the prospect of someone as temperamental as Donald Trump in the Oval Office," then Trump's retort was, "Yeah, because you'd be in jail," and now there's people saying it's a better comeback than Bentsen telling Quayle he's no Jack Kennedy or Reagan promising not to use Mondale's youth and inexperience against him. I thought it made him sound like a giant child.

He is a giant child. If diplomacy is an art, Trump is that one kid who sits on the floor during art class eating the paint.

# ¿ Oct 10, 2016 20:12

The Something Awful Forums > Main > Post Your Favorite: Carefully Curated > "My fedora makes me look good" : The stupidest shit you've ever heard