shit_that_didnt_happen.txt: I'm finding it very hard to immerse myself in the lie.

The Something Awful Forums > Main > Post Your Favorite: Carefully Curated > shit_that_didnt_happen.txt: I'm finding it very hard to immerse myself in the lie.

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Air Skwirl: May 13, 2007; Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed shitposting.

bike tory posted:

I feed the crows at my local park all the time and they've never brought me poo poo. These stories are lies spread by crows to make people want to feed them

If you read the original news story about the girl who gets gifts from crows, they consult with an ornithologist who both says that it happens and sounds really depressed when he says it never happened to him.

# ¿ Oct 2, 2018 06:05

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# ¿ Apr 26, 2024 07:54

Air Skwirl: May 13, 2007; Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed shitposting.

snack eater posted:

Who let's their 8 year old listen to a woman testifying about the time she was drugged and raped as a teenager? People were bitching about having to explain what a blow job was to their 8 year olds during the Clinton years, now you can just hand your kid the ipad and some headphones while you watch the news.

# ¿ Oct 3, 2018 02:12

Air Skwirl: May 13, 2007; Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed shitposting.

I'm sure there's people who think Jonathan Swift brought up some really interesting points.

# ¿ Oct 9, 2018 00:37

Air Skwirl: May 13, 2007; Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed shitposting.

Comptroll The Forums posted:

I finally had to put on my old man badge when "stan" become a... verb? I won't even look into exactly what the hell it means I'm so drat pissed off.

It's based off the Eminem song. It's an extreme version of the word fan.

# ¿ Oct 9, 2018 01:40

Air Skwirl: May 13, 2007; Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed shitposting.

Dear Penthouse: I can't believe this happened to me but...

# ¿ Oct 16, 2018 19:20

Air Skwirl: May 13, 2007; Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed shitposting.

Cat's love pumpkins
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UcT4paZfflg

# ¿ Oct 17, 2018 21:49

Air Skwirl: May 13, 2007; Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed shitposting.

Serperoth posted:

Didn't America lose in Vietnam? Also, even if they'd won, how would that have protected MURICAN FREEDUMS? Did those farmers from across the globe try to silence the USA?

Also, imagine hating brown people to the point where you don't even care about your own country's war crimes against their children

SHUT-UP, IT WAS A TIE

But if I lost both my father and my spouse to wars and my son's draft number came up during 'Nam, I would put him on the next flight to Canada.

# ¿ Oct 30, 2018 07:29

Air Skwirl: May 13, 2007; Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed shitposting.

areyoucontagious posted:

Especially in the south.

What are you talking about Father Daughter Prom is a completely wholesome affair, and not at all a ritual designed to reinforce the concept of women being the property of their father's until they get married.

# ¿ Oct 30, 2018 17:56

Air Skwirl: May 13, 2007; Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed shitposting.

THE BIG DOG DADDY posted:

I'm the letterhead that's just the logo

I'm the web only broker that responds to physical letters with physical letters.

# ¿ Oct 31, 2018 04:05

Air Skwirl: May 13, 2007; Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed shitposting.

The Shame Boy posted:

Saying you work at Blizzard these days is probably not a good thing considering how badly WoW is performing these days.

Who gives a poo poo about what's happening in WoW, they're basically printing money with the loot boxes in Overwatch.

# ¿ Oct 31, 2018 22:23

Air Skwirl: May 13, 2007; Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed shitposting.

hyperhazard posted:

They're also currently ramping up staff and actively recruiting from other companies for a new "unannounced" project. I don't normally pay attention to Blizzard, but I know a couple people* who have been paid ridiculous amounts of money in the last few months to move to Irvine.

_{*not my uncle, he works at nintendo}

Probably won't be out for two-five years, We might get a preview within 6 months of it's release.

# ¿ Oct 31, 2018 22:56

Air Skwirl: May 13, 2007; Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed shitposting.

No one fucks with crazy people in real life.

# ¿ Nov 1, 2018 00:40

Air Skwirl: May 13, 2007; Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed shitposting.

SkunkDuster posted:

I remember seeing almost the exact same thing back in the early 90s and it wouldn't surprise me if it has been around way longer than that.

one of the examples is "gently caress me backwards with a telegraph pole." So it apparently predates the invention of the telephone.

# ¿ Nov 2, 2018 20:21

Air Skwirl: May 13, 2007; Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed shitposting.

oldpainless posted:

Love yourself for you you are? That's not even a proper sentence what a loving goddamn idiot

Kid's only six, give them a break.

# ¿ Nov 8, 2018 17:31

Air Skwirl: May 13, 2007; Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed shitposting.

Dr. Clockwork posted:

As someone who is genuinely interested in etymology, this article is a pile of folksy bullshit that made me mad.

https://www.littlethings.com/customs-from-a-simpler-time-vas/3?fbclid=IwAR3qNTC5zAxLz4vmdWMHvbispSKCH7WnQaSKlZlwyhaWHiM8w9L8CZpYsOY

It's like if Cliff from Cheers had a blog.

# ¿ Nov 9, 2018 03:08

Air Skwirl: May 13, 2007; Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed shitposting.

bike tory posted:

I find that one both more believable and more relatable if you imagine them both with heavy Australian accents talking about flipflops, which are called thongs in Australia

That just makes him someone into feet instead of butts.

# ¿ Nov 16, 2018 03:43

Air Skwirl: May 13, 2007; Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed shitposting.

https://twitter.com/nypost/status/1063500716814319621

I'm remembering how much the cheap vodka we'd get as a teenager would burn my mouth.

# ¿ Nov 16, 2018 20:59

Air Skwirl: May 13, 2007; Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed shitposting.

CROWS EVERYWHERE posted:

No medical issues here, just fat as gently caress. I was forcibly extracted a month early because I was just too loving fat.

That sounds like a medical issue.

# ¿ Nov 19, 2018 07:46

Air Skwirl: May 13, 2007; Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed shitposting.

Tunicate posted:

When I was in school our bus driver nicked a car, they have to pull over and call dispatch and then another bus driver comes and we had to get into that bus to complete the route.

# ¿ Nov 21, 2018 19:20

Air Skwirl: May 13, 2007; Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed shitposting.

ibntumart posted:

Same with me (except for the Oz part). Only being able to stream my media in the era of throttling and data caps seems silly, as does not being able to watch during an internet outage.

Also having had several platforms with my purchased stuff not survive makes me leery for any of my non-Amazon digital media.

And now, a small smorgasbord of badassery that definitely happened for all of you (man I wish there was a smorgasbord restaurant near me):

I sorta believe this one. Well, specifically I believe he said something to his dad when he was 8 that caused his father to never be able to look at him the same way again, and that in english class he launched into a huge diatribe that left his teacher and classmates dumbfounded.

ibntumart posted:

Isn't this a scene in a movie or something? Like right down to the cigar thing? Also, who the smokes cigars at work? Is he a floor manager at an autoplant in the 50's?

# ¿ Dec 7, 2018 18:46

Air Skwirl: May 13, 2007; Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed shitposting.

kimbo305 posted:

Why not just poo poo on the blade?

I feel like it's weird to talk about 50lb increments.
*Guy puts on 45+5 or 25+25 and squats*
"Alright, thrown a plate and a five on there!"

Yeah, that was weird, plus not taking into account the weight of the bar itself in any way.

# ¿ Dec 7, 2018 22:49

Air Skwirl: May 13, 2007; Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed shitposting.

Malcolm McDowell plays Satan in some Christian film where someone sues the Devil, which is such amazing casting I'm disappointed it only happens in a movie that no doubt had a lovely script.

# ¿ Dec 14, 2018 16:21

Air Skwirl: May 13, 2007; Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed shitposting.

ZDar Fan posted:

Another subplot from the first movie was the Muslim gal who took off her headscarf when her dad wasn't around, and said dad beat her and threw her out of the house when he learned that she was listening to the Bible audiobook on her iPod. Because Christians never abuse and disown their children over issues of faith.

Also, Muslim women don't usually wear headscarves when they're alone or with just family. It's specifically for when they're in public and/or around men they aren't related to or married to. That's like showing a Jewish man wearing a Yarmulke to bed.

# ¿ Dec 15, 2018 16:50

Air Skwirl: May 13, 2007; Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed shitposting.

Edgar Allen Ho posted:

I’m pretty skeptical of anything where a person was DEFINITELY on drugs but the drug isn’t named and also doesn’t seem like any real drug.

I remember having to explain to my mom the book Go Ask Alice was fake.

# ¿ Dec 17, 2018 17:53

Air Skwirl: May 13, 2007; Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed shitposting.

snack eater posted:

another ignorant person gets pwned

I sorta believe that one has happened at least once. There's probably Muslim families in Wales that have lived there since before Pakistan was split off of India, you go to the local school, they might have a big push to learn Welsh as a counter to those colonialist English bastards and you can understand why that might appeal to people from India/Pakistan.

# ¿ Dec 17, 2018 18:00

Air Skwirl: May 13, 2007; Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed shitposting.

Assuming 12 is a low score, I believe that he got that for the test.

# ¿ Jan 1, 2019 05:47

Air Skwirl: May 13, 2007; Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed shitposting.

Danaru posted:

Seventy Five Jurors

They'll call in a bunch of people, many will be dismissed right off the bat (for instance, if they have opera rehearsals) then the ones that aren't will be assigned different cases and the lawyers involved will ask questions and dismiss certain members. 75 wouldn't be an unusual amount for the initial step before they're assigned to a case.

# ¿ Jan 9, 2019 01:40

Air Skwirl: May 13, 2007; Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed shitposting.

Sir Lemming posted:

https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/1083099784012091396

Chuck Schumer confirmed it happened pretty much exactly like that.

# ¿ Jan 10, 2019 06:05

Air Skwirl: May 13, 2007; Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed shitposting.

Tunicate posted:

one of those slow news day articles where the find a guy with 14 followers and make him the subject of an article

https://threadreaderapp.com/thread/1085177058135810048.html

"Mao's little red pill" is a good phrase.

# ¿ Jan 21, 2019 00:53

Air Skwirl: May 13, 2007; Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed shitposting.

I almost want it to be true because conservative kids almost invariably become leftist once they realize not everyone has their exact upbringing. That kid just needs to read, like, an American Girl book set during the depression and she'll be the next Emma Goldman.

Denver that 13 year old who spoke at the Republican Convention beck in 2008 or whatever? Full on socialist once he hit college.

# ¿ Jan 23, 2019 18:22

Air Skwirl: May 13, 2007; Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed shitposting.

I didn't know Canadians used British (aka wrong) spelling.

# ¿ Jan 23, 2019 23:49

Air Skwirl: May 13, 2007; Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed shitposting.

Maybe she's mocking Jacob Wohl?

# ¿ Feb 2, 2019 04:51

Air Skwirl: May 13, 2007; Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed shitposting.

It's also a government subsidy in that their employees often receive government assistance.

# ¿ Feb 10, 2019 00:48

Air Skwirl: May 13, 2007; Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed shitposting.

The rest sounds terrible, and I'm sure there was a bunch of other indignities, but I can't imagine giving a poo poo about people shoplifting from a different store.

# ¿ Feb 24, 2019 22:42

Air Skwirl: May 13, 2007; Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed shitposting.

Len posted:

Probably a lot of paperwork if you take stolen goods

If the theft is reported and they catch the thieves and they trace it to the Gamestop.

# ¿ Feb 24, 2019 22:53

Air Skwirl: May 13, 2007; Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed shitposting.

The labels and cases does sound more annoying. I was just assuming you slapped a sticker on the case it was in and put it on the shelf.

# ¿ Feb 24, 2019 22:56

Air Skwirl: May 13, 2007; Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed shitposting.

https://twitter.com/IanSams/status/1104121053952032775

# ¿ Mar 8, 2019 23:34

Air Skwirl: May 13, 2007; Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed shitposting.

Rats Tossbag posted:

I mean this definitely did not happen but to be fair Greg was smacked down by his wife.

The person posting it said she and her coworkers were about to smack him down before the wife spoke up.

# ¿ Mar 19, 2019 04:57

Air Skwirl: May 13, 2007; Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed shitposting.

https://twitter.com/thewillwitt/status/1111074935084974080

# ¿ Mar 29, 2019 00:43

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# ¿ Apr 26, 2024 07:54

Air Skwirl: May 13, 2007; Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed shitposting.

Jurgan posted:

https://twitter.com/TVsCarlKinsella/status/762038953721597953?s=20

I assume/hope most of these people do in fact read other books, and just talk about Harry Potter because it’s universally recognized. But Rowling’s weird-rear end Twitter poo poo is killing what affection I still had for the series.

"Being gay isn't a choice, it's something that happens to you when JK Rowling decides it's your time."

# ¿ Apr 13, 2019 04:31

The Something Awful Forums > Main > Post Your Favorite: Carefully Curated > shit_that_didnt_happen.txt: I'm finding it very hard to immerse myself in the lie.

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