shit_that_didnt_happen.txt: I'm finding it very hard to immerse myself in the lie.

The Something Awful Forums > Main > Post Your Favorite: Carefully Curated > shit_that_didnt_happen.txt: I'm finding it very hard to immerse myself in the lie.

Megillah Gorilla: Sep 22, 2003; If only all of life's problems could be solved by smoking a professor of ancient evil texts.; Bread Liar

Took cyanide.

# ¿ Dec 28, 2017 12:29

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# ¿ May 5, 2024 03:48

Megillah Gorilla: Sep 22, 2003; If only all of life's problems could be solved by smoking a professor of ancient evil texts.; Bread Liar

Haifisch posted:

I find it hard to believe anyone wouldn't realize they're mints the instant they opened the container. Strong mints smell, well, minty.

Plus the container would say they're mints, although I guess anti-drug mom might look just to be sure.

Personally I would have liked it to go the other way, where the kid convinces her mother to take one and it's mint flavoured LSD/ecstasy/PCP pills.

Could have ended up with the best STDH story ever. Like the famous facebook "hacking" story.

# ¿ Jan 22, 2018 04:35

Megillah Gorilla: Sep 22, 2003; If only all of life's problems could be solved by smoking a professor of ancient evil texts.; Bread Liar

Haifisch posted:

You know it's bad when imgur commenters are calling you out on your bullshit.

People think redditors are bad, but imgur's the bottom of the reddit barrel made 50 times dumber and even more prone to and alt-right poo poo.

I have an imgur account just so I can call out these fuckers. Most times, my comments are gone in minutes. Down voted to oblivion.

# ¿ Feb 3, 2018 13:49

Megillah Gorilla: Sep 22, 2003; If only all of life's problems could be solved by smoking a professor of ancient evil texts.; Bread Liar

Like that scene in Back to the Future II?

# ¿ Feb 4, 2018 17:10

Megillah Gorilla: Sep 22, 2003; If only all of life's problems could be solved by smoking a professor of ancient evil texts.; Bread Liar

They're informal shorthand for "Please, have a nice day" and "Not a problem at all (to fix)" or "Not a problem for me to do for you"

If someone ever hands me one of those cards, I'll say, "Think nothing"*

We have a guy at work who will lose his loving mind at people if they say "Really?" to him. So, that's always fun to do.

*STWon'tH.txt

# ¿ Feb 6, 2018 07:53

Megillah Gorilla: Sep 22, 2003; If only all of life's problems could be solved by smoking a professor of ancient evil texts.; Bread Liar

She'll be right.

# ¿ Feb 6, 2018 10:21

Megillah Gorilla: Sep 22, 2003; If only all of life's problems could be solved by smoking a professor of ancient evil texts.; Bread Liar

Twitch posted:

I haven't smoked (or used any nicotine products) in 2 or 3 years, and that book also did it for me. The book, and also the ever present thought that I threw out like 200 bucks of vaping equipment when I quit for good, and if I start again it's like I just flushed all that money down the toilet.

I quit about a decade ago and honestly couldn't afford to smoke now. In Australia a pack of 25s is about $35 dollars and a carton's about $230*.

It hasn't done much to stop people smoking, but it's certainly changed the crime rate.

* I would like to thank online retailer iFag for helping me find the prices.

Megillah Gorilla has a new favorite as of 06:29 on Feb 7, 2018

# ¿ Feb 7, 2018 06:27

Megillah Gorilla: Sep 22, 2003; If only all of life's problems could be solved by smoking a professor of ancient evil texts.; Bread Liar

Yep. Armed robberies and break ins where they don't want what's in the register or safe, just the ciggies.

# ¿ Feb 7, 2018 09:46

Megillah Gorilla: Sep 22, 2003; If only all of life's problems could be solved by smoking a professor of ancient evil texts.; Bread Liar

Danaru posted:

You'd think the concept of "Your employees work better when they're happy and don't want to burn the place down" wouldn't be as rare as it is, but

You mean that making your staff wearing bracelets which track every motion of their hands and if they don't perform the arbitrarily determinded number of movements per minute they get penalised or fired isn't conducive to staff happiness?

No surprises to guess it's Amazon.

# ¿ Feb 12, 2018 15:10

Megillah Gorilla: Sep 22, 2003; If only all of life's problems could be solved by smoking a professor of ancient evil texts.; Bread Liar

Len posted:

I hate myself for googling it but apparently there's White Knights in MLP fandom?

http://friendshipismagicfanon.wikia.com/wiki/White_Knights

It doesn't really explain anything about how his teacher and random classmate knew about it though.

Because there's a good chance whoever made up that story has no idea that "white knight" predates the cartoon for preschoolers he's obsessed with.

# ¿ Feb 28, 2018 11:24

Megillah Gorilla: Sep 22, 2003; If only all of life's problems could be solved by smoking a professor of ancient evil texts.; Bread Liar

the sign is on the inside of the door

# ¿ Mar 16, 2018 05:34

Megillah Gorilla: Sep 22, 2003; If only all of life's problems could be solved by smoking a professor of ancient evil texts.; Bread Liar

life is killing me posted:

Ok so out of curiosity I looked up Fluevog, as I�ve never heard of Fluevog.

I did the same and they're the most generic clunky poo poo.

Len posted:

These are the things she's bragging about

https://www.fluevog.com/shop/4964-bardot-blue-gold

Oh yeah, they were definitely all coming over to laugh.

# ¿ Mar 29, 2018 05:54

Megillah Gorilla: Sep 22, 2003; If only all of life's problems could be solved by smoking a professor of ancient evil texts.; Bread Liar

Pththya-lyi posted:

So much STDH in this Twitter thread:

https://twitter.com/SchneidRemarks/status/983049390880444416

Rocky Horror Picture Show.

I mean, c'mon.

# ¿ Apr 12, 2018 06:39

Megillah Gorilla: Sep 22, 2003; If only all of life's problems could be solved by smoking a professor of ancient evil texts.; Bread Liar

Splicer posted:

Why would you do this

# ¿ Apr 12, 2018 12:01

Megillah Gorilla: Sep 22, 2003; If only all of life's problems could be solved by smoking a professor of ancient evil texts.; Bread Liar

Katt posted:

:jaypeg:

# ¿ Apr 25, 2018 14:39

Megillah Gorilla: Sep 22, 2003; If only all of life's problems could be solved by smoking a professor of ancient evil texts.; Bread Liar

Elysiume posted:

https://twitter.com/KrangTNelson/status/1003019513120555008

Why can't Scooby have a brother?

# ¿ Jun 4, 2018 17:17

Megillah Gorilla: Sep 22, 2003; If only all of life's problems could be solved by smoking a professor of ancient evil texts.; Bread Liar

I remember the brief period of time when TV Tropes was a handy source of common themes and plot elements in media.

Hoo boy did it take a loving turn to the strange real hard.

# ¿ Jun 12, 2018 17:55

Megillah Gorilla: Sep 22, 2003; If only all of life's problems could be solved by smoking a professor of ancient evil texts.; Bread Liar

A Real Horse posted:

I�m the person who clicks on those terrible Facebook ads containing clickbait articles and lists. They are usually an entertaining enough way to kill a couple minutes while waiting for something, and they frequently contain the best stdh. This one is notable because not only did it not happen, but it�s quite possibly the saddest �revenge� imaginable.

�"I was a cashier at a grocery store, and if a customer was using coupons we had to make sure they were actually buying the correct item. One day, a customer was throwing a fit while I was looking for the items and comparing them to the coupons.

This lady paid by check, and after she left I wrote down her phone number. I waited 2-3 months, then called her up at 3:30 in the morning and told her to shove her coupons up her butt."�

Wait, don't coupons just have a barcode or PLU number you punch in and the computer does all the work?

I think this person's real problem is still living in the 1970s.

# ¿ Jun 19, 2018 06:16

Megillah Gorilla: Sep 22, 2003; If only all of life's problems could be solved by smoking a professor of ancient evil texts.; Bread Liar

Fathis Munk posted:

MGTOW is men going their own way, so in theory they are supposed to completely cut themselves off from women.

quote:

A masculinity movement that is not mostly anti-feminist has yet to appear.

# ¿ Jun 29, 2018 12:47

Megillah Gorilla: Sep 22, 2003; If only all of life's problems could be solved by smoking a professor of ancient evil texts.; Bread Liar

burial posted:

Like the other fine poster said, this is happening. And it�s happening soon! I was really hoping for a non-lovely cyberpunk future, but here we are.

In Australia they're finally developing a database of people who steal petrol and it's linked to licence plate reading cameras.

So, if you steal petrol in one place you may very well find yourself banned from getting fuel again.

NB, this obviously excludes people who get a new car, new plates, steal new plates, or just go to the majority of sites with no plate reading cameras.

# ¿ Sep 3, 2018 11:28

Megillah Gorilla: Sep 22, 2003; If only all of life's problems could be solved by smoking a professor of ancient evil texts.; Bread Liar

felch me daddy jr. posted:

I had to stop feeding the crows near me because I was worried they were starting to go overboard.

Three times in the space of as many weeks I was in the front yard and a crow would land nearby with a dying pigeon, stab it with its beak and pull its guts out, then fly off.

It was either a blood sacrifice or a warning to give them more food.

# ¿ Oct 3, 2018 15:04

Megillah Gorilla: Sep 22, 2003; If only all of life's problems could be solved by smoking a professor of ancient evil texts.; Bread Liar

Had to check who she was

quote:

Candace Owens is an American conservative commentator and activist. She is known for her pro-Trump stance and her criticism of Black Lives Matter

Oh, right. Her.

EDIT: Is that a bespoke CHUD hat?

# ¿ Oct 4, 2018 06:28

Megillah Gorilla: Sep 22, 2003; If only all of life's problems could be solved by smoking a professor of ancient evil texts.; Bread Liar

CROWS EVERYWHERE posted:

Also if you come to Australia they're blue-green on the outside and everyone is suspicious of the fake-looking American style orange pumpkins.

Aren't the orange ones not fit for food anyway?

As in, they're been grown for decorations for so long they're like commercial flowers which need to be sprayed with perfume because they've lost their natural scents.

# ¿ Oct 17, 2018 13:25

Megillah Gorilla: Sep 22, 2003; If only all of life's problems could be solved by smoking a professor of ancient evil texts.; Bread Liar

Haifisch posted:

"nearly all women love a guy in sweatpants"

Yes, this is definitely a thing which is real, right here.

# ¿ Nov 21, 2018 14:49

Megillah Gorilla: Sep 22, 2003; If only all of life's problems could be solved by smoking a professor of ancient evil texts.; Bread Liar

Bertrand Hustle posted:

That sub is pretty low-hanging fruit for obviously made-up bullshit stories. I've had people mistake me for an employee before, but I've never had anyone actually get hostile when I say "Oh, sorry, I don't work here".

I actually had kind of the opposite happen to me a few times when I was a young bloke working at petrol stations.

Someone would ask if we carried whatever product, I'd say, no, and they'd ask it any other places in the area had it.

I'd say, "Sorry I have no idea" and they'd lose their poo poo at me.

How dare I not know what products are stocked at our competitors/their current deals/prices :argh:

# ¿ Feb 6, 2019 12:17

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# ¿ May 5, 2024 03:48

Megillah Gorilla: Sep 22, 2003; If only all of life's problems could be solved by smoking a professor of ancient evil texts.; Bread Liar

The_White_Crane posted:

Most of the goons ITT have multiple court orders forbidding them from going near actual human children.

Most goons can also tell the difference between shrimp and pastries.

# ¿ Jul 11, 2019 15:45

The Something Awful Forums > Main > Post Your Favorite: Carefully Curated > shit_that_didnt_happen.txt: I'm finding it very hard to immerse myself in the lie.