Bertrand Hustle posted:

1. Anyone ignorant enough to think that an old Asian guy who doesn't speak much English is the height of comedy absolutely does not know if he's Chinese, Japanese, Korean, or anything else.

fish and chips and dip posted:

I don't get the STDH here, plenty of people I know keep a slang word list when learning a new language.

hyperhazard posted:

Sean Hannity is such a badass.

yeah I eat rear end posted:

Wasn't that reddit thing basically a Seinfeld episode?

WampaLord posted:

The Edgar Wright movies are heavily scripted, what with all the setup and payoff, I doubt very much it was improv'd.

Olive Garden tonight! posted:

What if, say, a small child fell into a gorilla enclosure?

Verisimilidude posted:

Haifisch posted:

quote:

So, I’m walking up to a train station, in a quiet parking lot, at about 9:30 this morning, and three men are doing some sort of tree trimming thing, on the train station property... The guy in crane turns off his chainsaw and shouts down to me, ‘Hey baby! Hey, sexy! Hey, lookin good sexy, you made my morning!’

I looked up at him, rolled my eyes, and kept walking... I had to walk past them, to get to the ticket office... so, as I get closer, he starts yelling, ‘Don’t be a bitch! I’m just letting you know that I’d gently caress you, baby!’

And then another guy, under his crane, maybe ten feet from me, starts saying ‘Hey, I’d gently caress you too!’ And he yells up to the guy in the crane, ‘I’d gently caress her too!’ Then, they both start up with, ‘Who would you gently caress, baby, you’d gently caress Me first, right baby...’ and I look at the third man, and he looks sheepishly at me, but says nothing.

So, I pull out my phone, walk past the two men on the ground, and under the man in the crane, who is still yelling about how he’d gently caress me... and I take a photo of the company name on their truck, and the license plate, and then I take a photo of the two men on the ground, and of the man in the crane... and the sheepish man looks at me, realizing what I’m doing, and why, and he says, ‘I didn’t do anything!’

So I stuck my phone in his face and I said, ‘Exactly! You just stood there, while your coworkers sexually harassed a woman! YOU DIDN’T DO ANYTHING.’

I headed towards the ticket office, with the crane guy shouting ‘gently caress you, bitch’ over and over, as I walked away... and I reported the entire incident to the woman behind the counter.

She gets on the phone and she reports it to her supervisor, gives me a number to call for station related complaints, because the train company has contracted their company, and she comes out from her ticket counter, and she hugs me.

I get on my train, and call the number, and I’m transferred to a woman, and I tell her what happened. She is extremely compassionate while she takes my report.

A half hour later, I get a call. It’s two men, conference calling me about the report. Head of Something and Supervisor Someone...

I’m trying to get to NYC, so I’ve got bags, and therefore I’m using headphones, and I use the headphones for this call... Something I never do...

Both men are very professional, and both men apologize profusely, and they assure me that one of them is going to address these men, in person, after the call... I mention the photos, and he asks me to send them to him. I assure him that I will do so. He texts me, because I’ve got no Free hands to write anything down, so I can easily reply with the photos. I thank them, and I hang up my phone, using a button on the headset wire...

But, it doesn’t hang up... and I can still hear them...

They are still talking. I say hello... They can’t hear me...

I can’t get my phone out of my back pocket because I’ve got bags... I try to hang up again. I made it louder.

I’m listening to them talk to each other... my phone is on mute, and I can’t remove my ear buds, so I keep trying to press the cord buttons, and it just won’t hang up...

One of the men says, ‘I can’t believe this’ and the other man says, ‘Me nether’ and my heart sinks...

Then, I hear, ‘Fire them, or suspend them?’

He responds, ‘Are you crazy?’

Other guy says, ‘Yeah, you’re right. I’m firing them. Women don’t make this poo poo up. They’re disgusting. They know better. Zero tolerance.’

The other man says, ‘I’m angry they treated her that way. Who talks to a woman like that? Who talks to anyone like that? Two of them even have daughters. Smart move on her part, taking the photos. I hope she sends them.’

Other guy says, ‘She’ll do it. Thankfully, for us. Because now we know. Maybe they talk to their daughters just as badly, right? Absolute pigs. I’ll file her photos. You go fire all three of them.’

And then... The other guy says, ‘When they sign and date the Termination Papers, make sure it says 2017, not 1917.’

They both laugh, somewhat sadly, and my phone goes silent.

And I go silent.

With tears of appreciation in my eyes.

- Lara B. Sharp

Sir Lemming posted:

It took me a long time to realize that Mr. Potter was being racist when he referred to "garlic eaters" in It's A Wonderful Life

The_White_Crane posted:

This web designer has problems with his neighbour.

Trash Boat posted:

yeah I eat rear end posted:

i'm pretty sure in this new edgy version it would be "bazinger" instead.

Sneaksie Taffer posted:

She didn't get him arrested; she knew he needed a new job.

Jerry Cotton posted:

A guy at work recorded himself farting six or seven times in a row with his mobile telephone during a lunch break, and he sent it to all of us via Bluetooth^TM and I used it as a text tone for some time, and once I was standing at the urinal in a nightclub and someone sent me a text message and I keep my phone in my back pocket so it sounded like I farted seven times in a row while pissing and a guy looked at me funny but he didn't say anything but he could've said something like "nice tooting, boy" only he didn't, no. Anyway that's my story thanks for reading.

Jerry Cotton posted:

"Happy holidays" I said in fluent hijab.

Piell posted:

None, Rowling is a TERF, she would never allow a trans parent in her books

maswastaken posted:

That absolutely has to be one written specifically for the subreddit. There's just so much to point out.