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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0tdyU_gW6WE Welcome, everyone, to the GDT for UFC Fight Night 88: Almeida vs. Galbrandt, 9 p.m. ET Sunday, May 29 on Fox Sports 1! The new Ghostbusters trailer is now the most downvoted video in youtube history, but don’t worry. All of the vague and poorly articulated comments for why it sucks because women are in it may convince you not to see the movie, but don’t worry: this card will solve all of your bustin’ needs. After all, it is loaded to the brim with once-promising rising stars who proved to be complete busts! Bantamweight  Thomas “Thominhas” Almeida vs.  Cody “No Love” Garbrandt My description doesn’t apply to the main event — yet. Both of these guys are exciting, undefeated rising stars in divisions that could use contenders in the wings, but whoever loses will probably be prematurely and unfairly labeled a bust by lamer corners of the internet. Anyways, Almeida has had four fights in the UFC and four of-the-night bonuses, meaning whatever entry-level poo poo contract he’s on has been significantly augmented by some sweet $50k paydays in his pocket. Almeida was a big part of the greatest card of 2015, when he let Brad Pickett get his licks in so the old man could feel better about his career before ending it with a flying knee that probably mercifully shut down Pickett’s entire nervous system on impact. He’s a hugely dangerous finisher with the only decision in his career being his fight of the night debut against the durable Tim Gorman, and at just 24 years of age, the Brazilian seemingly has nowhere to go but up from here. He also has a tendency of getting wrecked early before rallying to win, so let’s see if that catches up to him here. Cody Garbrandt is also an undefeated 24-year-old finishing machine with just one decision win, so this is some fitting matchmaking at play here. He’s yet to earn a bonus check like his opponent, but Garbrandt TKO’d Marcus Brimage in his UFC debut, so he is clearly the best fighter of all time and will surely KO Jose Aldo one day. Featherweight https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uwP04-diHtc Renan “the Goblin King” Barão vs.  Jeremy “Lil’ Heathen” Stephens There was a time where UFC President Dana White would beam into your tv set or monitor or handheld mobile device every day to tell you how Renan Barao was one of the greatest mixed martial artists of all time. Hell, maybe even the greatest mixed martial artist of all time. And since he was on a 33-fight no-loss streak and finished everyone he fought for the title, so it made perfect sense that Dana would put Barao in the same illustrious ranks as Tim Sylvia and Takanori Gomi. Then, TJ Dillashaw came along. This in and of itself didn’t seem like it’d be a very big deal, but unfortunately for Barao’s legacy, Dillashaw came along at an angle, and this was just too much for Barao to handle. After going 1-3 in his last four (the bathtub counts as a loss), Barao simply decided his insane weight cut was too much for him and left bantamweight behind, where his career there will always be regarded as a footnote on Dominick Cruz’ wikipedia that reads “kind of weird thing that never would have happened if Cruz had a normal person body and didn’t move around like that all the time.” Jeremy Stephens came into the UFC on a small but promising hype train nine years ago. He’s stuck around for pretty much that entire time and earned a name for himself as being a dangerous power puncher. That’s generally true, but it became steadily clear he wasn’t going to live up to the hype he’d mustered through a lengthy run of b-league KO wins. He was also arrested for a savage beating in a bar fight, making his following huge KO loss to Yves Edwards morally just and satisfying. Welterweight  Tarec Saffiedine vs.  Rick “the Horror” Story Joe Silva, what did we do to hurt you so badly you made this match? Why do I have to watch Tarec Saffiedine fight on this otherwise fun card? Why have you taken this man, the stereotype of the fiercely boring GSP breathed life by a vengeful Zeus who replaced “takedowns” with “leg kicks” at the last minute, and put him on my television screen? The man who had a boring wall-and-stall garbage heap fight with Marquardt to prove the Strikeforce welterweight belt was meaningless this whole time, even though everyone on the internet who wanted to seem like they were cool insightful hardcore MMA fans argued Saffiedine was the guy to watch and would make huge waves in the UFC? I truly really am sorry for whatever wrong we did, I promise we will never do it again. Actually I just remembered his opponent is Rick Story, so I take back my apology. gently caress you, Joe Silva. With a six-fight win streak early on in the UFC including future champ Johny Hendricks and Thiago Alves, I can still hear Mike Goldberg telling me that fighters simply cannot withstand the Horror Story. It turns out it is a horror story, but it’s a watered-down version of something you already read in Scary Stories To Tell In The Dark that your goofy camp counselor tells you before you all get disappointed enough to wander off into the woods to experiment with whippits and handjobs. The only time Rick Story is ever interesting is when he is disappointing Icelanders or getting his head twisted so hard that blood squirts out of his nose like a novelty children’s water toy. Middleweight  Chris Camozzi vs.  Vitor “Lex Luthor” Miranda Chris Camozzi is less of a bust and more of a never-was. I guess he’s sort of a bust in that each of the 37 times he’s been cut from the UFC for being awful, he manages to come back to fill in on short notice and everyone involved says “well, it can’t possibly go worse than last time.” And it does. Vitor Miranda is actually on a pretty good streak of performances, with three TKO victories including two started off by head kicks. But he was a miniature bust on TUF Brazil, where we all felt bad for this mild-mannered respectful old guy who came home to find his young son drowned in the pool and really wanted him to end the reign of the obnoxious Face Shoe but failed. Quite frankly he should walk right through Camozzi on his way back to plotting how to banish the alien menace from Metropolis once and for all. Welterweight https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AByILVLKC84 Jorge Masvidal vs.  Lorenz Larkin Like all great prospects, Jorge Masvidal got his start in Miami backyard youtube fights, twice beating Kimbo Slice protege and probably strip club day shift fry cook “Ray.” For some reason, despite years of evidence to the contrary, this got people excited for Masvidal’s chances in the UFC. Honestly he hasn’t done completely terribly, which easily makes him the most successful fighter to come from that background, but he’s ridden a string of less-than-memorable decisions since coming over from STrikeforce and most recently had a patented Weird Hard To Score Bendo Fight™. He did smash Cezar Mutante in his welterweight return though, so he may well still have a few slick tricks up his sleeve. Lorenz Larkin came into the UFC undefeated with a win over UFC Welterweight Champion Robert Glenn Lawler and a KO over King Mo that didn’t end up legally existing due to drugs. Since that time, he has gone 3-5, though two of his wins were bonus-winners. From his career we can use MMAth to deduce that Francis Carmont is better than Lawler and Costas Philippou hits harder than Lawler, too. Lightweight  Josh Burkman vs.  Paul Felder Burkman has been around forever and has had lots of times to get our hopes up and let us down. He had a lot of fights and a shitton of finishes coming into his first UFC run, which was hit-or-miss but more or less successful until he hit a three-fight losing streak in 2008. He left for the b-leagues, eventually failing to capture WSOF gold but still getting a respectable number of good wins under his belt and avenging his submission loss to Jon Fitch. “Perhaps this is now Burkman’s time to return to the UFC and really shine!” probably no one said, and they were mostly right. Burkman’s back, baby, and after a year and getting finished by Stun Gun and Patrick Cote he decided food and water were just illusions of the Matrix and dropped to lightweight for his first UFC win in nearly a decade! Paul Felder made his UFC debut at UFC 182 where he positively knocked Danny Castillo the gently caress out. In his next outing he suffered his first pro loss in a competitive fight of the night with future contender Edson Barboza, but there’s no shame in that. It wasn’t until a split decision dropped to Ross Pearson that we thought maybe he’s not quite top 10 yet, but then he came back and gave Daron Cruickshank yet another rear naked choke loss and reminded us why we thought he was cool in the first place. OTHER poo poo TO WATCH FS1 Prelims, 7 p.m. ET Women's Bantamweight Sara McMann vs. Jessica Eye Lightweight Abel Trujillo vs. Jordan Rinaldi Middleweight Jake Collier vs. Alberto Uda Lightweight Erik Koch vs. Shane Campbell Fight Pass Prelims, 6 p.m. ET Bantamweight Aljamain Sterling vs. Bryan Caraway Heavyweight Chris De La Rocha vs. Adam Milstead Official weigh-ins, 7 p.m. ET today http://www.ufc.com/media/fight-night-las-vegas-official-weigh-in Official MMA snack rating:  Barbecue Bacon Burgers, just in time for Memorial Day. Ingredients 2 pounds freshly ground beef chuck Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper 6 slices thick-cut slab bacon, split in half crosswise (see note above) 1 onion, cut into 1/4-inch-thick rings 1/2 cup barbecue sauce 4 slices cheddar or American cheese 4 sturdy burger buns Directions 1. Divide meat into four even piles and shape into burger patties about 1/2-inch wider than burger buns. Season generously with salt and pepper and set aside. 2. Light one chimney full of charcoal. When all the charcoal is lit and covered with gray ash, pour out and spread the coals evenly over half of coal grate. Alternatively, set half the burners of a gas grill to high heat. Set cooking grate in place, cover gill and allow to preheat for 5 minutes. Clean and oil the grilling grate. 3. Place bacon and onions in between hot and cool sides of grill and cook, turning occasionally, until surface of bacon is bubbling but not yet crisp and browned, and onions are lightly softened, about 15 minutes total. 4. Place burgers directly over hot side of grill and cook until well charred, about 2 minutes. Flip patties and brush with sauce. Cook on second side until well charred, about 2 minutes longer, brushing with sauce occasionally. Flip burgers again, transfer to cooler side of grill, brush with more syrup, and continue to cook, brushing with sauce occasionally, until patty registers 125°F to 130°F on an instant read thermometer for medium rare, about 5 minutes total, or 135°F to 140°F for medium, about 6 minutes total. Top each burger patty with 1 slice cheese, then transfer to a large plate and tent with aluminum foil. 5. Brush bacon with barbecue sauce and place directly over hot side of grill, sauce-side down. Brush top with barbecue sauce. Cook until well charred, about 1 minute. Flip and cook until second side is well charred, about 1 minute longer. Top each burger patty with three pieces bacon, then top each with a couple of slices of onion. 6. Toast buns directly over hot side of grill until browned, about 30 seconds. 7. Place bottom buns on a cutting board. Transfer patty/bacon/onions to bottom bun. Brush top bun with barbecue sauce and close sandwich. Serve.
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May 28, 2016 19:28
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lmao Barao ran into Jeremy Stephens like he couldn't see an inch in front of him.
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May 29, 2016 00:25
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I'd never heard the Barao song before, it's amazing.
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May 29, 2016 01:07
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Dan Didio posted:lmao Barao ran into Jeremy Stephens like he couldn't see an inch in front of him. still working on that "measuring the distance" thing https://giant.gfycat.com/AncientRemarkableElk.webm
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May 29, 2016 01:38
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almeida is bafflingly proud of his sex offender shades. why does chris camozzi keep getting put on main cards?
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May 29, 2016 01:49
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I train with Chris and his brother Brian, they're really nice guys and I hope he does well  haha I bet 'won 4 of his last 5' is gonna be on the stat card
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May 29, 2016 01:52
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colonel_korn posted:still working on that "measuring the distance" thing It's hard to believe they are both the same weight right now. Also Caraway refused to shake Sterling's hands which usually means he is about to get wrecked  e: I thought Saffiedine was out? EmmyOk fucked around with this message at 02:54 on May 29, 2016 |
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May 29, 2016 02:45
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EmmyOk posted:e: I thought Saffiedine was out? yeah I thought so too. Apparently the day after news came out that he was injured, a doctor cleared him to fight on his hurt knee.
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May 29, 2016 03:22
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Stellar op as usual op I particularly liked the whip it handjob experiments and the bathtub counts as a loss, thank you.
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May 29, 2016 03:30
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Bubba Smith posted:yeah I thought so too. Apparently the day after news came out that he was injured, a doctor cleared him to fight on his hurt knee. It was just a cut on his knee. Nothing internal.
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May 29, 2016 03:43
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Thank you for not including egg or bread crumbs in your burger patties like some kind of communist
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May 29, 2016 03:51
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Barao looks a little excited there.
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May 29, 2016 04:40
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On one hand watching Brazilian weirdos get wrecked is great, but on the other hand Stephens is a horrible person so here's to the Goblin winning
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May 29, 2016 05:04
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Fairly sure Renan is going to beat the hell out of Stephens.
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May 29, 2016 05:06
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Bluedeanie posted:Then, TJ Dillashaw came along. This in and of itself didn’t seem like it’d be a very big deal, but unfortunately for Barao’s legacy, Dillashaw came along at an angle, and this was just too much for Barao to handle. lol
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May 29, 2016 05:16
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colonel_korn posted:still working on that "measuring the distance" thing Greatly improved is Barao's bathtub slip defense, Joe.
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May 29, 2016 06:15
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maffew buildings posted:On one hand watching Brazilian weirdos get wrecked is great, but on the other hand Stephens is a horrible person so here's to the Goblin winning What did Stephens do?
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May 29, 2016 06:24
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I like barao even, heck, especially if he's incredibly weird looking
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May 29, 2016 07:07
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Fozzy The Bear posted:What did Stephens do? Got into a bar fight and hospitalized a dude in a felonious assaulty manner, that dude happened to be Are Troops (ps thank you psp vets for your service jacking it in weird places) and Stephens did what most people who commit that kind of crime do in the aftermath, be a complete scumbag thanks to vets only valid for US personnel
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May 29, 2016 07:38
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Then Yves knocked him out and retired.
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May 29, 2016 07:54
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colonel_korn posted:still working on that "measuring the distance" thing
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May 29, 2016 09:00
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colonel_korn posted:still working on that "measuring the distance" thing
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May 29, 2016 09:47
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Renan Barao, pre-roll interview: Jeremy Stephens is a great fighter and I respect him greatly, but I'm going to literally run right through him.
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May 29, 2016 10:43
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jerephy stephens may be a lovely person but what happene to him in the denis bermudez fight was one of the most cool MMA it didn't help that shortly before that matt brown killed a man with elbows and said he was better elbows and then lawler stole our hearts and rory's nose http://i.imgur.com/UtRGcmm.webm Meowbot fucked around with this message at 11:18 on May 29, 2016 |
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May 29, 2016 11:16
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colonel_korn posted:still working on that "measuring the distance" thing 
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May 29, 2016 16:42
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Here's a gif of Almeida turning Birchak into JoeB 
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May 29, 2016 16:46
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rip to the dude who fights jeremy stephens in a bar
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May 29, 2016 17:03
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Jeremy Stephens is living the life of a D+D thief. He starts off in a barfight, then encounters the goblin king. He just best stay clear of the evil wizard Ben Rothwell.
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May 29, 2016 17:23
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Josuke Higashikata posted:Jeremy Stephens is living the life of a D+D thief. He starts off in a barfight, then encounters the goblin king. He just best stay clear of the evil wizard Ben Rothwell. Hit a natural 20 on knee of flight and killed a berserker menace too
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May 29, 2016 17:28
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Yes. Stephens is truly villainous seeing as no one in a bar has ever done anything to deserve getting their rear end whooped.
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May 29, 2016 18:18
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El Roncho posted:Yes. Stephens is truly villainous seeing as no one in a bar has ever done anything to deserve getting their rear end whooped. It's less that he had a bar fight and more that he beat the guy badly enough that he needed hospitalization and upon realizing what happened to the guy, Stephens did the honorable thing of fleeing the state for several years.
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May 29, 2016 18:24
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American prison doesn't sound particularly pleasant. I would possibly take steps to avoid it.
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May 29, 2016 18:43
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Skip My Posts posted:rip to the dude who fights jeremy stephens in a bar he got put in jail for allegedly almost killing a guy outside of a bar, not for certainly almost killing a guy outside a bar http://bleacherreport.com/articles/1360819-ufc-on-fx-5-dana-white-tells-jeremy-stephens-side-of-the-story-on-arrest
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May 29, 2016 18:51
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EmmyOk posted:Here's a gif of Almeida turning Birchak into JoeB How do you get Joey B from that? That is Rashad all the way.
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May 29, 2016 19:08
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Bundt Cake posted:he got put in jail for allegedly almost killing a guy outside of a bar, not for certainly almost killing a guy outside a bar rip to the dude who fights jeremy stehpens in jail
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May 29, 2016 19:14
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Bluedeanie posted:It's less that he had a bar fight and more that he beat the guy badly enough that he needed hospitalization and upon realizing what happened to the guy, Stephens did the honorable thing of fleeing the state for several years. If I was in an argument with a UFC fighter at a bar, I would probably just walk away instead of wanting to fight him outside.
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May 29, 2016 19:23
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I knew a 10 hit combo in Tekken 3 when I was 11 year old so I'd definitely knock him out in that scenario.
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May 29, 2016 20:24
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i think any professional fighter should probably consider it some kind of morality as fairness law that one ought to do do everything in their power (including looking like a total bitch in front of their tuffy town wrestle-friends) vis-a-vis persuing peaceful conflict resolution with tapout timmy and the ringside wrecker before lil' heathening their brains back to the prelim card
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May 29, 2016 22:20
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Tezcatlipoca posted:How do you get Joey B from that? That is Rashad all the way. lmao that might actually be the best KO in MMA just for how funny it is
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May 29, 2016 22:20
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There have been three separate promos for just Garbrandt before the FightPass prelims and each one is at least two or three minutes. None for Almeida yet.
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May 29, 2016 22:43
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