SLEEP APNEA MEGATHRRRRRRZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzz................

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > General Bullshit > SLEEP APNEA MEGATHRRRRRRZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzz................

ferroque: Oct 27, 2007

welcome to the uh... sleep apnea...

Sleep apnea? What's that

you can't breathe good when you sleep and snore loudly like a swarm of angry buzzing bees and can't get close to anyone in your life without alienating and annoying them

Sounds neat, do I have it

do you do a big snore? have you ever noticed that you stop breathing momentarily when half asleep? are you a tired lazy piece of poo poo all the time? if so, then go get a POLY SOMNOGRAPHY, hwere you dress up like a man in a suicide vest for a night, go out in public, then give it back as they record your bionatural rhythms into a Protools session

is it bad

enjoy your heart disease my man

who else

# ¿ Jul 7, 2016 03:11

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# ¿ Apr 27, 2024 20:23

ferroque: Oct 27, 2007

it's cool, i don't treat my probable "apnies"

# ¿ Jul 7, 2016 03:14

ferroque: Oct 27, 2007

Fallows posted:

how fat are you up?

i'm not fat, doctors told me i had a tiny mouth and big palette and big rear end tongue

e: small palette? whichever one is bad

# ¿ Jul 7, 2016 03:27

ferroque: Oct 27, 2007

so I have an apnea. what now

it's time for you to get you one of these

that's called a cpap machine and it forces air thru ur lovely body forcibly

do i have to look like bane

apparently there is a surgery that corrects your mouth and nasal cavity but nobody does it

should i just kill myself

yes

# ¿ Jul 7, 2016 03:30

ferroque: Oct 27, 2007

MurderBot posted:

it would be p. funny if you hooked up with some dude/chick and at the end they were like "hey g'night ima plug in my breathing machine wake me up if you want eggs."

I wouldn't know because i'm married tho so lemme know how it goes.

i don't have a machine or anything so i just snore loudly after passing out naked next to whoever girl i got with 3 seconds ago

# ¿ Jul 7, 2016 03:34

ferroque: Oct 27, 2007

my ex girlfriend couldn't sleep in the same room as me LOL if you date a light sleeper as an apneaman

# ¿ Jul 7, 2016 03:38

ferroque: Oct 27, 2007

Uncle at Nintendo posted:

I am like the OP. Not fat and have sleep apnea. I am 6'4" and 185 lbs and have sleep apnea, but it is because I simply have a wide-rear end tongue.

If your tongue is too wide for your mouth, you might have a scalloped tongue which is a clear sign of it. It looks like this:

Mine isn't as bad as that, but you get the idea. Basically if you see teeth marks on your tongue there is a good chance you have a mild form of sleep apnea. No, your tongue does not get bigger or smaller as you gain or lose weight. My coworker had baby that had sleep apnea and it was from her tongue.

Luckily there is a great alternative to CPAPs:

It is known as several things: a Mandibular Adjustment Device, a TAP device, etc.

It works just as well as a CPAP for most people. Unfortunately a lot of insurance companies won't cover it and it's about $5,000 USD for one. But it sure beats the piss out of carrying a machine around with you when you go on vacation.

Oh and almost no doctor or oral surgeon on the planet will do the surgery to make your tongue more narrow; supposedly it's ridiculously painful, has an absurd recovery time, and can actually gently caress with your tastebuds.

Though in most situations obesity is to blame, I have to say I can vouch that it isn't always the case. I have a friend who is jacked as hell and he has it as well. He's not even a "fat" jacked, he is closer to MMA fighter jacked so I don't even think his weightlifting contributed to it.

edit: it is way more common that it is related to weight, though. One story I have is I am close friends with someone who knew Big Pun (the rapper) very well. He said Pun would literally fall asleep mid conversation with you, and this would happen numerous times throughout the conversation; even if he was the one talking. Everyone used to laugh about it and joke with him about it but obviously nobody knew it would be what killed him shortly after.

Holy poo poo this is exactly me. The sides of my tongue are constantly cut up. Case closed

# ¿ Jul 7, 2016 04:53

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# ¿ Apr 27, 2024 20:23

ferroque: Oct 27, 2007

i'm going to die early

# ¿ Jul 7, 2016 18:56

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