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Serious Cephalopod
Jul 1, 2007

This is a Serious post for a Serious thread.

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Pillbug

I inherited a teenager last year from our lovely parents. Anyone have advice for raising him? I'm feeding him and making him go to school, so already better than our dad, but I'll try to enforce rules and he'll start getting huffy and dismantling his things 

Lemme know if any background info could help

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Serious Cephalopod
Jul 1, 2007

This is a Serious post for a Serious thread.

Bloop Bloop Bloop


Pillbug

Thanks. I don't have children, but he's 13 years younger than me. I'm just stable enough at this point to take him in. I've been working since I was 18 to be able to house him.

I'll look into parenting mentors, thanks. I (unfortunately) don't have a ton of stable older adults in my life, and my peers all have very young kids. I'll do some digging.

He's really fine most of the time, but I told him he'd need to pay for a bike he asked me to buy, because we agreed on that before the purchase, and he dismantled it. Previously, I told him I wouldn't buy him an expensive video game system and he took apart his dresser and used a hammer to break apart the drawers.

He's also impossible to wake up in the morning and has trouble getting to school, but I remember being a teenager is just sort of like that.

Edit: I'll see if he'll consent to therapy, too.

Serious Cephalopod
Jul 1, 2007

This is a Serious post for a Serious thread.

Bloop Bloop Bloop


Pillbug

Thanks everyone for your advice! An update:
My husband helped us reconcile. I (31f) apologised for talking down to my brother (18) about money, and for being disrespectful, and pointed out where I felt he was rude and wasn't sticking with our deal. I also explained that I don't want his whole paycheck, just for him to have a plan to pay me back (I'm going to try to set aside the money for him, anyway). He's going to take a budgeting class (his idea).

Thanks for letting me vent, and giving me advice. So many people around me are unsympathetic to kids and young adults, and it's nice to hear that being nice to him isn't going to turn him into a dirt bag. I'll probably lurk and cheer y'all on for your adoptions and fosters.

Serious Cephalopod
Jul 1, 2007

This is a Serious post for a Serious thread.

Bloop Bloop Bloop


Pillbug

SO
In addition to my brother, who now lives with me, my youngest sister (12), H, has just been forcibly removed from her mother's custody. Our father was found unfit for care as well, as he doesn't accept that she is trans and he does not feed himself or medicate himself for his bipolar disorder.

My sister A will be taking H on, if CPS will allow it, as she has room for her, and because my brother HATES H, and they cannot be homed together. Foster care is our other solution, as I haven't been involved with CPS yet.

I plan to help my sisters monetarily, and I think A and I can help support each other emotionally. There's an LGBTQ+ support center close-ish to A's house. I feel like my family is a soap opera right now.

Update on my brother: he's talking to me, again, and we're working on returning his bike. Might get him a cheaper one to get to the train to work, but he's doing well enough on the bus. He's happy for H and their mother that they're being separated.

Thanks for all of your help, again! This feels like so much to me, and I'm relieved that there are a number of seemingly excellent foster and adopted parents and hopeful parents, for my sister's and all kid's sake.

Serious Cephalopod
Jul 1, 2007

This is a Serious post for a Serious thread.

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Pillbug

Mocking Bird posted:

Wow, it sounds like it's been a hard time for your family right now I'm a CPS social worker in California, so if you happen to be in my state you're welcome to reach out and I can help orient you

I am, indeed! I'll dm you.

Serious Cephalopod
Jul 1, 2007

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Pillbug

Hurray, Bunny daughter!

Update from me: my adult sister now has custody of my youngest sister. She's doing a lot better! She's in school, she hasn't seen her mother (and doesn't really want to), and we're working on finding her a therapist.

My adult sister wishes she had more support in the vein of medical insurance and child support for her (that would help with the therapy), but she's doing pretty well over all.

I did have to restrict her steam account because of inappropriate behavior online, but she's 13, so that's not surprising.

Serious Cephalopod
Jul 1, 2007

This is a Serious post for a Serious thread.

Bloop Bloop Bloop


Pillbug

My youngest sister (H, 14) has been staying with my other sister (A) and A's boyfriend (S).

A told her therapist that she fantasized about slitting S's throat and watching him bleed out about 3 weeks back, so after staying in an institution for 2 weeks, she's at my place.

Right now, my husband, my brother and I are keeping the same rules as A has for H. Also, H has someone here with her 24 hours a day. It's been about a week. It hasn't been too bad- she's just a little annoying.

My sister A has a habit of lying to people about how long things take or what's going on when she thinks those people won't agree, so I have no clue how long H is staying with me.

I'm not too worried about it, right now. It's just... weird.

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Serious Cephalopod
Jul 1, 2007

This is a Serious post for a Serious thread.

Bloop Bloop Bloop


Pillbug

Mocking Bird posted:

I was wondering how you guys were doing - it sounds really good for both A and H that they have you in their lives. This is a lot to handle, I hope you are able to have time to check in with your feelings and make sure you're well cared for as well

Thanks! I'm all right. I really appreciate you reaching out after my first post. H is getting better and better all the time, but it's still very tiring. I'm glad A&S are getting a bit of a break.

Kodilynn posted:

Been a couple weeks to wrap my head around it, but our teen is no longer with us by way of her own choices. They decided to go rogue, sneak out, make some poor choices, and end up in police custody. Unfortunately this was a third strike so there isn't a ton we can do since being with us was kind of a last chance to keep her out of the criminal justice system. I'm sure it was self sabotage as it felt like things were going well, but it definitely stinks. Family is kinda reeling and confused still, but we'll kinda see where things go. Don't think we'll be doing this again until our younger daughter graduates and moves out at which point we might just do respite care instead. Ugh.

I'm sorry to hear this. I hope you're all doing all right.

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