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JiveHonky
May 12, 2001

by zen death robot
Grimey Drawer
My contribution:

To tell this story properly I have to give a little background first. I am a female college student in my Senior year currently, but back when this happened to me I was a 14 yr old boy in my second year of middle school.

Like any 14 yr old I was fiercly independant and was always fighting with my parents about curfews and staying up late and stuff like that. One of the things we argued about was my tendicy to walk home from school instead of taking the bus or calling for a ride. My school wasnt that far away, only a couple of miles from my house, so I didnt see what the big deal of walking home was all about and I did it quite often. At least I used to before this happened.

I was hanging out with a couple of friends of mine shooting hoops one day after school and I missed the bus home. No problem I thought. I'll just walk home. Now, this was on a Friday and it was a weekend I was looking forwards to because my parents were going to be away the whole weekend and I was going to have fun playing video games on my xbox player and watching the latest horror movie laserdiscs on TV, you know the typical teenager stuff. So I said goodbye to my freinds, put on my headphones, and began walking.

It was usually a quiet, uneventful walk. There wasn't much traffic on that road and the houses were far back from the road so there was forest and woods mostly. I must have taken longer than I meant to with my friends because it was already starting to get dark. I was walking for about 15 minutes when I rounded a bend in the road and spotted a crumple of trash up ahead on my side of the street. Sometimes people dump trash along these roads so I thought nothing of it and continued walking. as I got closer I thought I noticed the trash crumple moving slightly but then again it could have been the wind so I thought nothing of it and continued walking. Now I was passing the trash crumple and saw that it was actually a man. He looked homeless and since homeless people are often found besides roads I thought nothing of it and continued my walk. Suddenly when I am almost past the man a dirty hand reaches out and tries to grab me! I skipped ahead of his grasp and looked back, the mans head was covered in rags and shadows but I could see the whites of his eyes which were full of hatred and menace. But since he was obviously homeless I just chalked it up to mental illness which is common among homeless people. I thought nothing of it and continued on my way.

10 minutes later I passed another homeless man who looked very similar to the first. He was on the other side of the road this time and seemed to be yelling and pointing at me and making stabbing motions and "throat slitting" motions. However it was nearly Halloween and I chalked it up to local teens playing a prank. I thought nothing of it and continued on.

When I finally arrived at my house I thought nothing of it when I saw the homeless man again, this time he was on the roof of our house dancing and waving what looked like a bloody machete around. The homeless often have to resort to handyman work to buy liquor or drugs so I assumed he was trying to get someone to hire him to do some roofing or whatever.

I went inside and microwaved a microwave hot pockets for dinner. Then I went into the living room and played video games on my xbox player until well after midnight, falling asleep right there on the couch. I awoke to the sound of glass breaking and a series of loud thumps followed by heavy footsteps. I assumed our cat had knocked something over and broken it so I thought nothing of it and went back to sleep.

I was awakened again to the sound of yelling and open my eyes to be staring into the crazy eyes of the homeless man from before. After a moment of confusion I tried to scream "get off me!" but I realized he had his filthy hands around my throat choking me. I couldnt breathe. I reached and tried to peel back his fingers but he was too strong. As I was blacking out I had the thought that he probly just wanted to rob my house so if I stop resisting he would most likely take what he wanted and leave so I thought nothing of it as my vision turned black.

When I awoke a few minutes later the homeless man was sawing my head off with the machete. It hurt pretty bad and when he had my head off he did sex acts to my corpse and stuck my head in the freezer. So much for my video games weekend...

A few weeks later the police stopped by and told us the man that had killed me actually escaped a mental care facility a few miles away and had gone on a rampage killing a total of 6 people in my neighborhood.

After that night I never felt safe walking by myself and always make sure to have pepper spray and a whistle. So, to the deranged homeless man who chopped of my head and defiled my dead body, lets not meet.

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a shiny rock
Nov 13, 2009

i read the op

JiveHonky
May 12, 2001

by zen death robot
Grimey Drawer

i thought nothing of it and continued posting.

Smash it Smash hit
Dec 30, 2009

prettay, prettay
Hey jive honky I support you




GBs king :fyadride:

JiveHonky
May 12, 2001

by zen death robot
Grimey Drawer

Smash it Smash hit posted:

Hey jive honky I support you




GBs king :fyadride:

thanks man :respek:

gimme the GOD DAMN candy
Jul 1, 2007
i posted "anime is good" in multiple threads and the same 3-4 guys went nuts every time

Smash it Smash hit
Dec 30, 2009

prettay, prettay
I'm
All spooked out now :ohdear:




GBs king :fyadride:

JiveHonky
May 12, 2001

by zen death robot
Grimey Drawer

Serious Frolicking posted:

i posted "anime is good" in multiple threads and the same 3-4 guys went nuts every time

thats a good story just add in a homeless person you almost there

gimme the GOD DAMN candy
Jul 1, 2007

JiveHonky posted:

thats a good story just add in a homeless person you almost there

i figure at least one of them was a homeless person at a library

Cruising Altitude
Sep 15, 2016

by WE B Bourgeois

Serious Frolicking posted:

i figure at least one of them was a homeless person at a library

true say

Cruising Altitude
Sep 15, 2016

by WE B Bourgeois
still

JiveHonky
May 12, 2001

by zen death robot
Grimey Drawer

Serious Frolicking posted:

i figure at least one of them was a homeless person at a library

the fetid stench assaulted my nostrils like the funk of 40,000 years. i thought nothing of it and continued my microficheing

Pimpcasso
Mar 13, 2002

VOLS BITCH
i bought gas at a place that had bars on the windows and they were nice and courteous and it was unexpected and you would go insane if i explained how courteous they were

JiveHonky
May 12, 2001

by zen death robot
Grimey Drawer
dammit i forgot to include the phrase "I noped the gently caress out of there"

whatever nobody cares

DONKEY SALAMI
Jun 28, 2008

donkey? donkey?

Could you go into more detail about the sexual acts with the corpse

Ms paint additions would also be appreciated

JiveHonky
May 12, 2001

by zen death robot
Grimey Drawer

donkey salami posted:

Could you go into more detail about the sexual acts with the corpse

Ms paint additions would also be appreciated

he gave me a "raspberry beret", a "stairway to heaven", "Ruptured Remains in a Doggybag" x2, and finished off with "Pyronecrobestiality"

JiveHonky
May 12, 2001

by zen death robot
Grimey Drawer
I'm hoping this thread sticks around through october and collects lots of spooky stories!

guns for tits
Dec 25, 2014


I'm gonna go print this thread and show it to everyone I know.

wane tendo
Mar 19, 2005

Buglord
dogmen are real, i saw one and it groweled at me... ! now i can't take the trash out at night ;_;

JiveHonky
May 12, 2001

by zen death robot
Grimey Drawer

Doc Friday posted:

I'm gonna go print this thread and show it to everyone I know.

Thanks Doc! I cant wait to hear your spooky story

JiveHonky
May 12, 2001

by zen death robot
Grimey Drawer

carrion kit posted:

dogmen are real, i saw one and it groweled at me... ! now i can't take the trash out at night ;_;

sounds like my ex-wife haha but seriously be careful out there

JiveHonky
May 12, 2001

by zen death robot
Grimey Drawer
Can I get a Brit Goon to record my story and put it on youtube? tia

Friginator
May 13, 2014

by zen death robot
One time I saw a spiral. The End.

SatansChoice
Sep 14, 2016

by Smythe
just :post: "enterprise architecture"

jeff smisek
May 18, 2009


I SHARTED in the bed ONCE i didnt even know it was coming!

SatansChoice
Sep 14, 2016

by Smythe
the only appropriate time to shart is binge drinking u should know this u booze hound

CHEERS

gimme the GOD DAMN candy
Jul 1, 2007
one time i sat on a pillow and then the next day there was a brown spot on the pillow!?

SatansChoice
Sep 14, 2016

by Smythe

Serious Frolicking posted:

one time i sat on a pillow and then the next day there was a brown spot on the pillow!?

ya she actually did that and im not sure why house vandal jedi has to bring it up because that gurl went through a lot more than most ppl can even fathom

Luvcow
Jul 1, 2007

One day nearer spring
the night i got brutally murdered i found a hook on my car door after banging my boyfriend in his honda accord but i thought nothing of it because lol the guy on the radio was probably just joking about an escaped serial killer with a hook for a hand and lol that truck driver beeping at us was just some drunk white trash rear end in a top hat.

DoctorStrangelove
Jun 7, 2012

IT WOULD NOT BE DIFFICULT MEIN FUHRER!

John Stalvern waited. The lights above him blinked and sparked out of the air. There were demons in the base. He didn’t see them, but had expected them now for years. His warnings to Cernel Joson were not listenend to and now it was too late. Far too late for now, anyway.
John was a space marine for fourteen years. When he was young he watched the spaceships and he said to dad “I want to be on the ships daddy.”
Dad said “No! You will BE KILL BY DEMONS”
There was a time when he believed him. Then as he got oldered he stopped. But now in the space station base of the UAC he knew there were demons.
“This is Joson” the radio crackered. “You must fight the demons!”
So John gotted his palsma rifle and blew up the wall.
“HE GOING TO KILL US” said the demons
“I will shoot at him” said the cyberdemon and he fired the rocket missiles. John plasmaed at him and tried to blew him up. But then the ceiling fell and they were trapped and not able to kill.
“No! I must kill the demons” he shouted
The radio said “No, John. You are the demons”
And then John was a zombie.

Luvcow
Jul 1, 2007

One day nearer spring

SatansChoice posted:

ya she actually did that and im not sure why house vandal jedi has to bring it up because that gurl went through a lot more than most ppl can even fathom

hey dare its really impressive that you can have so many accounts and still not be instantly banned, good luck friend

Friginator
May 13, 2014

by zen death robot
Once I was seeing how many marbles I could fit in my foreskin when I heard gunshots, and when I ran to the window there had been a drive-by shooting across the street, and the guy had been shot in the head and his blood was running down the driveway. I later found out there was a meth lab in that house, so maybe that had something to do with it.

JiveHonky
May 12, 2001

by zen death robot
Grimey Drawer
These stories are making me think I should think something of it...

Luvcow
Jul 1, 2007

One day nearer spring

JiveHonky posted:

These stories are making me think I should think something of it...

the best way to stay alive is to ignore those gut feelings we have, thats how i lived so many years before i was brutally murdered by an escaped lunatic with a hook for a hand

JiveHonky
May 12, 2001

by zen death robot
Grimey Drawer

Luvcow posted:

the best way to stay alive is to ignore those gut feelings we have, thats how i lived so many years before i was brutally murdered by an escaped lunatic with a hook for a hand

Good lookin out, thanks luvcow.

Ill be posting more TRUE spooky stories soon, stories sent in by my subscribers that will cause your bones to curl up from fright!

Gay Weed Dad
Jul 12, 2016

cool dude, flyin' high
Yo OP are you Steven King, poo poo was spooky! I liked the part with the slicing gesture, very foreshadowing.

Julius CSAR
Oct 3, 2007

by sebmojo
I saw a ghost once

guns for tits
Dec 25, 2014


JiveHonky posted:

Thanks Doc! I cant wait to hear your spooky story

poo poo, I can't think of one!

Gatekeeper
Aug 3, 2003

He was warrior and mystic, ogre and saint, the fox and the innocent, chivalrous, ruthless, less than a god, more than a man.
my story took place in the ancient American town called new Orleans. It was a cool place of history and blood, of voodoo magick and sex magick, of black on black crime and black on white crime, of confederacies and convents. I journeyed to this town with my mama and dada and little sister in search of ghosts, orbs, spirit gases, anything supernormal really. We even chose our hotel based on how haunted the place was supposed to be. It was an extremely old (by American standards) building that had once been a nun-run orphanage as well as a civil war hospital, but now lovely collegiates hosed and puked there on the regl. We checked into the Bourbon Orleans and dropped off our bags of shaving balms and whitening strips, etc, clothing and such and went to the Confederate Museum so my sister could get a rebellious bandana and hat (she ironically supports slavery) and had a cool time. But the day was hot and humid and I was sweaty and tired, so while the family went on in search of more historical violence, I went back to the haunted hotel to chillax.

The hotel suite was like a small townhouse with two stories. Upstairs was where my parents were gonna gently caress, and downstairs was a lil bed for my sis, a fold out couch for me, and a lil kitchen and living room thing.

I went into the relaxerroom and sat on the couch to watch tv. I watched and watched and watched and then I yowled in surprisitude because a cabinet popped open and creaked like the dickens. I got up to close it, but by the time I sat back down it had popped open again. This happened again and again, and upon closing the noisy cabinet again, I heard a noise up in my parents gently caress-lair. I was spooped, but I knew it was my duty as firstborn to investigate. What if some spook found its way inside my mom's pussy later that night?? That was my home for almost a year once. I wasn't about to let some gaseous c-u-next-tuesday mess it all up inside.

I crept up the spiral stairs as quiet as a snake in moccasins. My knees wobbled like Pisa towers. I was about to confront the unknown. I prayed it was just a small frog jumping across the dresser or something, but there was no god to hear my prayers in that hellroom.

As I crested the landing, I peered into the master fuckroom and looked over the bed towards the vanity. I dropped a full-size dook all over my trousers immediately. There in front of the mirror stood a dirty young man in Confederate greys, adjusting a bloodied bandage around his forehead. He pulled at the bandage, staring intently at his reflection, but my wobblegams must have kneeknocked noisily because he suddenly turned his head and stared into what fools and simpletons call my soul. His eyes were like tweaker cocks, raw and red and angry and painful. They shook me to my core.

I nearly fell down the stairs trying to get away. I didn't even remember to put my shoes on. I bolted into the hallway and ran to the lobby and out into the disgusting humidity and nearly collided into my family almost immediately. They had returned from a disappointing trip to a supposedly haunted plantation almost an hour away. It made no sense. I couldn't have been in the room for more than fifteen minutes, yet nearly three hours had passed. I was too confused and slightly embarrassed to tell them what happened, so I said I had come out for a cigarette (they were bad parents and let their 15 year old son smoke, secretly I think they wanted me to die. Parents do this sometimes, I'm told). We all went back inside, and despite the fear mask I wore all evening, nothing out of the usual happened the rest of the night...

...or did it?????

We went out for dinner at anne Rice's favorite restaurant and I pretended to be a sexy woofman devouring innocent hymens as I sucked down crawdad after crawdad. Eventually all thoughts of the stupid white trash Confederate dickhead left my brain. I chalked it up to a bad dream, even though I was sure I had been awake. The time warp was explainable, of course, by the supernormal happenings: ghosts hate time and make it do foolish things to embarrass itself as a punishment for making eternity so long. But I chose to pretend i had time warped because of an extended nap. However, when bedtime came I was still extremely ready to sleep, like i hadn't napped at all!!! Scary!!!!!

I crawled into the tangle of sheets on the fold out and quickly got eyefucked by the sandman. My sister climbed into her own bed, a lil four-poster from olden times, probably a nuns deathbed or something. She too was asleep quite soon, but before long she woke us all up with horrible girl child screams. It sounded like someone was being raped.

Not too far off from the truth apparently: my sister had awoken when she felt a cool icy mystery breeze massaging her thicc body parts. She quickly realized that the touch she felt was beneath the sheets with her, and not over them. Something had lifted her sheets and was caressing her intimately! She sat up and drew the sheets to her in horror, and standing at the foot of her bed was.......a grody grey Confederate with a bandaged head!

I had said nothing of my earlier experience to my family, but as I listened to my sister describe the phantom, I knew we had seen the same specter. His brad Pitt stubbled face, his unruly blondish hair, his bloodied head wrapping, every detail matched the horrorshow I'd glimpsed earlier in the gently caress-room upstairs. Apparently the perverted mist didn't want my mom! He wanted a child!!! my poor 13 year old sister had been molested by a ghastly gas, and I could perhaps have prevented this unnatural violation if I'd spoken up earlier.

I finally shared my own terrible tale, and my spooked-out sister and mom demanded we leave immediately. Before the rising of the sun, we had packed our bags full of q-tips and pedi-eggs, socks, maps of asia, etc and departed for a nice place called le Richelieu that had a pool and was quieter because it wasn't on Bourbon St and best of all no racist pervert molester ghosts tried to mean-mug me or gently caress my lil sister.

And that's my TRUE ghostly tale of the Bourbon Orleans in the french quarter, NOLA USA!!!

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rezatahs
Jun 9, 2001

by Smythe
i got a call once and thought nothing of it but through a series of circumstances months later i found out the call came from inside the house

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