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Crab Dad
Dec 28, 2002

behold i have tempered and refined thee, but not as silver; as CRAB


Ok sure why not.

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Crab Dad
Dec 28, 2002

behold i have tempered and refined thee, but not as silver; as CRAB


I found some crabs. Anyone want some crabs?

Crab Dad
Dec 28, 2002

behold i have tempered and refined thee, but not as silver; as CRAB


Anyone know a good source for gently used sex toys?

I'm an XL.

Crab Dad
Dec 28, 2002

behold i have tempered and refined thee, but not as silver; as CRAB


LtCol J. Krusinski posted:

You aren't talking about shirt sizes.. are you?

It hangs down to the floor. :q:





If I'm doing push-ups.

Crab Dad
Dec 28, 2002

behold i have tempered and refined thee, but not as silver; as CRAB


drat go-getters. Just bought my gifts last night. Need to go mail them.

Crab Dad
Dec 28, 2002

behold i have tempered and refined thee, but not as silver; as CRAB


I was kinda vaguely clever but all my gifts are useful. Just sent out today.

Crab Dad
Dec 28, 2002

behold i have tempered and refined thee, but not as silver; as CRAB


Dead Reckoning posted:



Oh goody, boxes addressed to my forum name! It must be that special time of year!
These ones come straight from Amazon, and don't hiss or get hot when I shake them, so I probably don't have to open them in the garage like previous years!



Ooh, nice wrapping paper! Let's see what the card says!



:stare:



Right, where were we.



Oh god.



I'm sorry, mom. I'm sorry I wasn't a better son.



Oh man, just what I've always wanted to get pounded in the butt by!



Let's see what's in the other box!



I guess... I guess this is supposed to go in my butt?
E: DOES NOT GO IN BUTT

Nice. Flanged prevents it from getting stuck at least.

Crab Dad
Dec 28, 2002

behold i have tempered and refined thee, but not as silver; as CRAB



:iiam:

I'm sorry I'm not better at gag gifts. It's certainly no poorly preserved squirrel.

Crab Dad
Dec 28, 2002

behold i have tempered and refined thee, but not as silver; as CRAB


Ice Cream Barbara posted:

That's ok because I know where you live now :nsa:

Come on down. The guest apartment is empty.

Crab Dad
Dec 28, 2002

behold i have tempered and refined thee, but not as silver; as CRAB


Ice Cream Barbara posted:

Know what a rent boy is?

I'm considering a family of undocumented immigrants for yard and house work. If mamacita can handle a few BJs per week it would be perfect.

Crab Dad
Dec 28, 2002

behold i have tempered and refined thee, but not as silver; as CRAB




Thanks secret-melthir!

The books are a riot and the other items will all get use.

I'm a little scared of the beer and wine bottle. ...

Nothing gonna make me piss hot?

Crab Dad
Dec 28, 2002

behold i have tempered and refined thee, but not as silver; as CRAB


Melthir posted:

Nah. The B is a double Belgian the F is williams fireside ale. The bottle is mead. Give it another two months or so for best taste but if you want to get hosed up on the drink of my people its good to drink now. That bottle will probanly gently caress you up if you drink the whole thing at once by yourself. So find a comfy chair and enjoy. And for god sakes wash your hands after handleing the peppers

Mead!!! Ok two months it is. Exciting!

Hahah not sure what I'm going to do with the peppers but a spicy fish soup may be in its future.

Crab Dad
Dec 28, 2002

behold i have tempered and refined thee, but not as silver; as CRAB


Melthir posted:

I sent a letter with a generalized scale. None of them are below a million Scoville.

Didn't know if you had a cat or dog so sent things for both.

I couldn't find a shipping tube for the walrus dick so you got all the random extras i could fit to make up for it. Sorry man.

Edit: Candle in there for lady friend.

Oh holy poo poo i missed out on a walrus dick? I'll send you a tube if thats what it takes.

Crab Dad
Dec 28, 2002

behold i have tempered and refined thee, but not as silver; as CRAB


Is it big enough?



It collapses down.

Crab Dad
Dec 28, 2002

behold i have tempered and refined thee, but not as silver; as CRAB


Rad Lieutenant posted:

How do you even cook walrus dick? I can't find recipes anywhere.

Same as sea lion dick would be my guess.

Crab Dad
Dec 28, 2002

behold i have tempered and refined thee, but not as silver; as CRAB


Slim Pickens posted:

Got my package today! And it wasn't weird poo poo! I'll probably even use all of it!









A 64oz flask, so a pretty nice growler.








Mr February has the face of intense concentration.



Thanks David Bowie Knife!

That poster is tops.

Crab Dad
Dec 28, 2002

behold i have tempered and refined thee, but not as silver; as CRAB


Melthir posted:

Nah. The B is a double Belgian the F is williams fireside ale. The bottle is mead. Give it another two months or so for best taste but if you want to get hosed up on the drink of my people its good to drink now. That bottle will probanly gently caress you up if you drink the whole thing at once by yourself. So find a comfy chair and enjoy. And for god sakes wash your hands after handleing the peppers

All the beer was great. Crisp and refreshing. Waiting until Feb for the mead.

Crab Dad
Dec 28, 2002

behold i have tempered and refined thee, but not as silver; as CRAB


Calling someone on not being able to ship wine because he didn't want to drain the bottle and put it in a plastic bag is a little paranoid.

Crab Dad
Dec 28, 2002

behold i have tempered and refined thee, but not as silver; as CRAB


Soulex posted:

Jump the shark dick?

Also don't stifle creativity, but embrace it. Embrace the dick. H

Jumping it might be fun. Sharks have two "dicks(claspers)".

Crab Dad
Dec 28, 2002

behold i have tempered and refined thee, but not as silver; as CRAB


Mr. Nice! posted:

Finally got a chance to give hector the mouse without dog interference.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ol8La-lkA-o

That's one cute killer!

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Crab Dad
Dec 28, 2002

behold i have tempered and refined thee, but not as silver; as CRAB


Melthir posted:

She wants to know if the stuff inside is for me or her :confused:and says thank you.....i am now worried about what you sent.:ohdear:

16 inch dildo would be my guess.

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