Register a SA Forums Account here!
JOINING THE SA FORUMS WILL REMOVE THIS BIG AD, THE ANNOYING UNDERLINED ADS, AND STUPID INTERSTITIAL ADS!!!

You can: log in, read the tech support FAQ, or request your lost password. This dumb message (and those ads) will appear on every screen until you register! Get rid of this crap by registering your own SA Forums Account and joining roughly 150,000 Goons, for the one-time price of $9.95! We charge money because it costs us money per month for bills, and since we don't believe in showing ads to our users, we try to make the money back through forum registrations.
 
  • Post
  • Reply
LtCol J. Krusinski
May 7, 2013

by Fluffdaddy
You sound like a sweet girl.

I'm gonna go ahead and shoot straight with you here.

Run the gently caress away from this as fast as you can. Take some time to take care of yourself and focusing on yourself, and caring primarily and mostly, about yourself.

You can't always beat PTSD. Treatment resistant PTSD is the MRSA of mental health, and has comparable mortality rates if you really drill the gently caress down into it.

The drugs are barely more effective than placebos, and that's true across the board.

Don't waste anymore time on this pre packaged tragedy. You want to join the PTSD pain train? Finding him with a bullet in his head one day and the walls painted with his brains is a quick trip to uncontrollably bad anxiety and invasive thoughts.

I'm sorry you love a broken man, and that he has turned you into a care taker and co-dependent. But you've got to get the gently caress out and put this behind you.

Run away.

I'm giving you the best advice your gonna get.

Trust me.

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

LtCol J. Krusinski
May 7, 2013

by Fluffdaddy
Alcohol rarely solves or betters a problem, for whatever that's worth.

LtCol J. Krusinski
May 7, 2013

by Fluffdaddy

McNally posted:

My best friend killed herself last night.

gently caress.

gently caress.

LtCol J. Krusinski
May 7, 2013

by Fluffdaddy
Someone make the new thread and ill sticky it. Just PM me when your done posting it.

LtCol J. Krusinski
May 7, 2013

by Fluffdaddy

Thalantos posted:

I mean, at this point it's less than 30 days until my appt.

I....don't confront folks, cause I don't trust myself not to get overly emotional, and I assume the people at the VA just arrest/commit any veterans that get overly upset about lack of services. Since I cannot afford to take time off work, I avoid even bringing up stuff, tbh.

I assume your also broke brain like me. If you need someone to talk to just PM and Iíll give you my cell. You can call or text me anytime and talk about this poo poo. Iíve been through it all when it comes to psychiatry up to and including ECT and doing the Thorazine shuffle. Iíve been stable and in control of my emotions and moods for about 4 years now. I totally know what itís like not to be in control of these things. Just reach out if you need someone to talk to.

LtCol J. Krusinski
May 7, 2013

by Fluffdaddy
Cole, Iíve essentially watched you grow up from a young soldier to the successful man youíve become today thanks to these forums. Try not to be too critical of yourself, because you have come a long drat way and deserve to feel pride in all that youíve done.

I hope you get to feeling better, brother.

LtCol J. Krusinski
May 7, 2013

by Fluffdaddy
Good to hear, cole.

LtCol J. Krusinski
May 7, 2013

by Fluffdaddy

Ziji posted:

I tried PM'ing OP for slack access, but it says their account can't receive PMs. Is there anyone else I can PM? I'm in a bit of a spot and looking for some support.

We donít do slack anymore to my knowledge, itís Discord. I donít have PMís or know how to invite you but I posted an @everyone message letting them know about you. Someone should hook you up, but itís late and a work night so it might be a little bit.

LtCol J. Krusinski
May 7, 2013

by Fluffdaddy
Thatís great to hear, brother.

LtCol J. Krusinski
May 7, 2013

by Fluffdaddy
No? Why would there be? You served over 8 years right? Anything wrong with you at the end of your service if you did at least 8 years is presumed service connected, including ADHD.

LtCol J. Krusinski
May 7, 2013

by Fluffdaddy
Would you mind posting details of your EMDR experience?

LtCol J. Krusinski
May 7, 2013

by Fluffdaddy
Please tell me the coke your using is Cola and not booger sugar.

Please.

LtCol J. Krusinski
May 7, 2013

by Fluffdaddy

Woofer posted:

taking a break from the forums. probably gonna go join the protesters in DC.

stay safe everyone. godspeed.

Monty is going to be awfully scared and alone when you wind up in 72 hours of lock up or in a hospital from police or military brutality. Theyíre sending AD army troops to D.C.

You literally can make no difference what so ever by getting your rear end pepper sprayed and beat with a baton.

But you can make sure Monty feels safe and happy and loved.

My vote is you stay home with Monty, and find ways to help online. I donít doubt you can handle yourself, but think of Monty.

LtCol J. Krusinski
May 7, 2013

by Fluffdaddy
You have an amputation? Did you medically retire or was it a medical separation?

I assume your on PDRL if you have an amputation, that means you can opt for TriCARE in lieu of VA Care. I highly, highly, recommend doing so.

LtCol J. Krusinski
May 7, 2013

by Fluffdaddy

Cenen posted:

Things are not going loving good I have no idea where to loving start.

Start from the beginning. No judgement gets cast here.

LtCol J. Krusinski
May 7, 2013

by Fluffdaddy

CRUSTY MINGE posted:

I saw your post, but I'm not exactly the brain you should be picking.

Given your circumstances, you would probably benefit from a counselor. Go see someone. I won't air your edited out stuff, but you have first hand evidence that seeking help works. You probably don't need the extreme example you provided personally, but 30 minutes a week of someone talking you through can be a big help. The path you're on is new to you, some guidance isn't a bad thing.

You mentioned you're O. You've had to make these kind of recommendations or read announcements and sit through too many hours of training slides at some point. Sometimes the person that needs to really hear that announcement or really read that brief is the one whose desk it lands on to distribute.

Similarly Iíve not met a USAF spouse from Michigan that wasnít down to swing. Iím not even being gender specific, Iím just saying spouses. Every time there was swinger drama when I lived on base, there was folks from Michigan involved.

Iím sure itís a weird coincidence, but the plural of anecdote is evidence so 🤷‍♂️

LtCol J. Krusinski
May 7, 2013

by Fluffdaddy
DudeÖ gently caress :(

If thereís any way I can be of help to you let me know. Iím free to chat or vent to, just pm me and Iíll send you my contact info.

I lost two of my girls in the last 2 years- they both made it to 17. Theyíre only gone when the last person who remembers them and honors them goes. In my family we talk about the girls all the time. That helps me, maybe it could help you? Just spit balliní here.

Anyway, here to help and be a friend.

LtCol J. Krusinski
May 7, 2013

by Fluffdaddy

UCS Hellmaker posted:

Hey I know I'm not a regular, but I want to say, the thread title is true and 100% correct.

Don't please, god it hurts and we miss you and it hurts so loving bad when your not there. It affects so many and it's not just family you lose this spark that was there and people love you even if you don't love yourself.

Goddamnit why

If thereís one place on earth you can let it out, itís here, brother.

LtCol J. Krusinski
May 7, 2013

by Fluffdaddy

Talktopus posted:

Hi guys.
I'm not a veteran, but I'm the AA sponsor of one.
He has a little under a year of sobriety right now, and at roughly age 50, this is his first ever serious attempt at Recovery. I've only known him a few months, as he didn't seek sponsorship until eight months clean. He's already made so much progress, and I'm proud of him for being able to open up and get vulnerable about some of the truly awful things that happened to him. He's very hard on himself about being an alcoholic, and still sees his problem as a personal moral weakness. Knowing what I know about his upbringing, and his combat experience, he's gonna have to eventually acknowledge the role these events played in shaping his addictive behavior.
Speaking from my own 12-step experience, sharing extensively about the stuff I was most afraid and ashamed of was the only way I could finally process the pain and guilt I still felt even decades after my own traumas. At the end of the deep dive, my sponsor knew me better than any therapist I'd ever had, and gave me something no SSRI or mood stabilizer ever could: true self-forgiveness. Before that moment, I had lived a life of constant self-flagellation and misery, and everything afterward has been previously-unimaginable levels of sunshine and loving rainbows (at least by comparison).

I want this for my sponsee, too. I want it *so* much.

The problem is this, though: he doesn't want to share about his time in war.
Right now, he's on arguably the longest and most difficult of the 12 Steps - 4: "Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves." I'm taking him through it the way my sponsor showed me: by first writing down all my resentments towards people who'd hurt me, and then writing down all the people I'd hurt in return. Each entry is a few pages long, so it's more than just a bulleted list. Ultimately, it's about putting our pattern of behavior in its complete context. With the full picture of what led to our destructive coping mechanisms, we can healthily acknowledge the behaviors we need to change without punishing ourselves over and over for past mistakes.
It's really hard. I didn't want to do it the first 3 or 4 times, and paid the price by relapsing constantly over 10 years. The only way I was able to make it this time was through a combination of my sponsor's superhuman patience, and my own feeling that I had no more chances left. It hurt. I was miserable and sad for months as I wrote my Step 4, because it felt endless, and I didn't have much hope it would actually help, either.
But it *did*
Oh my God, it helped so much. I just couldn't see how until it was over.

I believe if he's going to really recover, my sponsee has to share this stuff with me no matter how painful it is. He can't see it yet, but there's a future for him where his memories of death and violence have no more power over him - a future where he can turn to some other poor, traumatized kid and say "I know what you went through is terrible, but look at me: I'm happier than I've ever been, thanks to this process. There's hope for you, too. I promise."
That, or he can keep squashing it down inside by trying not to think about it, and find another sponsor.

I know by now there are no magic words to convince a sponsee to finish the steps. At the end of the day, it's his choice whether he wants this or not. It will hurt if he says no, and it will hurt to have to fire him over it.
I would understand, though. His trauma is on a level I couldn't comprehend. I don't know if *I'd* be brave enough to face what he's faced.

I've connected him with a (Vietnam-era) combat veteran in the program. They're going out for coffee tomorrow to talk about this. I can only hope the older guy has a good message for my friend, and that he'll be receptive enough to give this a shot.

In the meantime, I'd love to hear your opinions about this issue, and whether you have any words of hope for my sponsee. I understand there's risk to his mental stability, but from where I'm sitting it'd be an even bigger risk to let things fester forever.

Thank you for reading.

Yooooooo 🚩 alert 🚩 alert 🚩

Nobody in their Goddamn 50ís is a Vietnam combat anything. If they have any combat experience it would be Panama and Grenada and the Gulf War. Possibly GWOT as well but.. yeah. Red flag alert.

2023-59 (my most charitable case here) is 1964. The only combat in Vietnam he saw was on the news.

Obviously donít not help the guy, Iíve done all 13 of the 12 steps and no, not a typo- heís on the right step, number 4, but he sounds full of poo poo. Thatís gonna be a big hurdle for him to jump as you guide him through step 4.

Thereís actual vets in your AA group arenít there? Iíd be hard pressed not to find them in AA and NA.

Dude chose you, a younger, non veteran, for a reason. Probably because he thought you wouldnít sniff out his bullshit. Now you gotta AA Judo that poo poo and use the momentum of his bullshit to get him to actually take that moral inventory, Vietnam vet bullshit and all, and actually do the 4th step.

Ironically itís gonna be easier to admit that to someone who hasnít been through combat than to someone who has. Alcoholics are humans after all, and sponsor or not, we have a reputation for coming down hard on those that do the (stupidly named, and dumber act) ďstolen valorĒ thing. And coming down hard, is likely not what he needs! Not on old step 4!

I hope that was helpful.

LtCol J. Krusinski fucked around with this message at 19:17 on May 23, 2023

LtCol J. Krusinski
May 7, 2013

by Fluffdaddy

Hekk posted:

I think OP was saying that the sponsee is around 50yo and a combat vet. That OP linked the sponsee up with a Vietnam vet. Not that 50yo sponsee was claiming to have been in Nam.

At 50, it might be Desert Storm, early AFG, OIF 1, etc.

Ohhhhhh

Well, my advice changes to: Hook him up with a vet if heís struggling with step 4. Priority list:
Also combat vet
Similar Age / Time of Service
Same or Similar branch
Has completed all 12 steps

I went to a priest the first couple of times I tried to stop drinking and got to step 4. Not catholic but they were big about being available for AA/NA in the area I was getting sober in. Didnít work.

:420: did but not everyone can do that.

My best wishes to your sponsee! Iím sorry for the mix up!

LtCol J. Krusinski fucked around with this message at 21:44 on May 23, 2023

LtCol J. Krusinski
May 7, 2013

by Fluffdaddy

TheWeedNumber posted:

dang it Bobby what did we say about working on our reading comprehension skills in class.

to wit: the vet is in their 50s. They did not serve in Vietnam and no one said they did.

Hey, I gave up drinking, not failing to R>C>P.

I had an old dude try to claim to be a Vietnam veteran after becoming my sponsee (I was like 2 years sober maybe?) and I eventually got him to admit he had never been in the service, he was mentally unstable and not drafted. His brothers had served, however. Naturally one had died in Vietnam, and the other of I think cancer, and he did what I would do, and drank. I donít actively sponsor anymore, obviously.

Thought I could be useful in an edge case, in reality, no. No I cannot.

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

LtCol J. Krusinski
May 7, 2013

by Fluffdaddy

Wasabi the J posted:

Hope you cry (in a good way)

I snort laughed at this.

Because I know exactly what you meant.

  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
  • Post
  • Reply