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in one nostril and out the other? please, that's so passé. is a single stream of water really enough for anyone? my nasal cavities are mighty, and deserve an equally mighty decongestant. i need something truly impressive to shove up my nose. |
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Jan 14, 2017 04:20
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| # ¿ Apr 28, 2024 20:29 |
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*steps up to world's largest slip 'n slide. yells "cowabuuun-" but is cut off because he's going down backwards and on his stomach* |
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Jan 14, 2017 04:21
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guy 1: we just finished our bathroom remodel guy 2: oh yeah? how's that new ivory sink working out? i bet the water is super fresh and cold. guy 1: yeah, sure. i mean, I love a nice cold drink as much as the next guy, but the real pro move is to do a headstand in it and turn on the faucet full blast. the littlest prince fucked around with this message at 02:31 on Jan 16, 2017 |
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Jan 14, 2017 04:26
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*sees another guy snort a line of coke off a mirror at a nightclub* "oh poo poo, gimme some of that, friendo, I can barely breathe right now!" |
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Jan 14, 2017 04:29
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I've been searching for years. When I was 34 i went into the outback, alone. I found a pit of reddish clay, that was unusually abrasive. Using a makeshift reed snorkel, i submersed my face. After several hours I felt light as air. The next week I earned a 46 minute marathon time. Another time, in Zambia, a witch doctor gave me a pouch of herbs in exchange for my left pinky finger. I then participated in an ancient ritual with his tribe. When I went to sleep, I burned the herbs all night long. I woke up alert and eager to strangle a rhino with my bare hands. I returned to the states with seven horns. In my later years I encountered an unusual listing on the dark web. It was vague but the description of its effects was similar to what I sought. it was also very expensive, but my father had always told me nothing worth pursuing came cheap. I held that thought in my head as I sent the bitcoins. Several weeks later an unmarked bag was left in the dead drop. I shared it with my closest confidants, but I told them it came from the usual source. We all dreamed that night that we had floated into the air while asleep. I had paint marks on my arms and forehead. And yet, throughout all my adventures, in all these places all over the world, nothing came close to my first saline cleanse. the littlest prince fucked around with this message at 20:42 on Jan 14, 2017 |
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Jan 14, 2017 05:00
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Splatmaster posted:lol if you're not blasting out your nostrils with Navage, the snot rocket of the new millenium! He sat alone on the couch, watching Stargate Atlantis. It was nearly midnight, and his eyelids began to droop. He had actually been slowly falling asleep for an hour now, but most people don't notice that their hearing is really the first thing to go. He looked at the cat on his lap. It wasn't moving much but one eye cracked open as he shifted his weight slightly. The show cuts to commercial as Sheppard comes eye to eye with his nemesis in an underground tunnel. "Cash Net USA Man to the rescue!" "Damnit." He mutes it. As he strokes his cat, he feels a trickle escaping his nose. Winter never lets up. He sniffs a little, but there no tissues nearby. If only there was something that could fix this once and for all. He unmutes the tv. "Introducing Navage, fast relief from sinus congestion without a prescription" Dear lord, that thing is monstrous. Who the hell would put that in their nose? Hmm, well, on the other hand... yes, this is perfect. Almost too perfect. *fires up the Awful app* the littlest prince fucked around with this message at 16:07 on Jan 14, 2017 |
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Jan 14, 2017 15:27
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*steps into latex bodysuit* This suit has its own breathing system, it can last up to five minutes on a full tank. Won't get you to space, but it'll do just fine for my needs. *the uniformed attendant has a surprised look on her face* What's that? *suit is up to his waist, begins pulling the arms on* Oh, it's a custom creation. Tailored to my frame. Cost me about $450 to make. Would have been more if my grandmother hadn't left her heavy duty serger. *grimaces* What does it do? *pulls up on the front zipper and shifts weight while hopping to adjust his bodysuit* Reduces drag. I need to control very precisely where air does go, and where it doesn't. It looks like a cross between a wetsuit and a bodybag. *is in the middle of fastening straps* Hah. Yeah, it is a strange sight for sure. You'll get used to it. You see, when I step into that chamber, there'll be nowhere for all that air to go but up my nostrils. My legs, arms, everything will be protected from undesired lift. *start turning away* I think I need to ask my boss about this.. *laughs* Nah, it'll be just fine, don't you worry. Errr... I guess. *opens glass door and beckons him in* Thanks darling! Can you strap in my arms and finish the last flap over my regulator please? *takes care of both* There you go. Uh, be careful? *says something unintelligible, then hops into vertical wind tunnel and is swept up into the air by his nose as she closes the door* |
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Jan 16, 2017 02:25
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*tilts a navage made of gold into his nose* Now THIS is luxury. *slurping noises come from the machine* |
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Jan 16, 2017 02:31
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| # ¿ Apr 28, 2024 20:29 |
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social vegan posted:neti pot is a gateway jug |
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Jan 17, 2017 23:00
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